Thread 4: Stories 1-15

Thread 4 archive:

http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/S15993073

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>Spike
"Cadence"
'Applejack 2'
~~~~~
>Cadence, I'm here to pick up the budget forms on behalf of Applejack

"Oh, hand lizard, I don't worry about those things! My doppelganger does!"

>... Well do you know where your doppelganger puts the forms?

"No idea. If you'll excuse me, I need to get some diamond hoof polish applied at the spa."

>It's the middle of the work day, your husband's a failure but he's still trying to work his ass off, don't you care at all?!

"I do, but these things sort themselves out for me!"

>I... I need some fresh air.

"Along with a bunch of other things. If Twilight can afford the two thousand bit per-session, maybe you can ask her to let you come down here for a hooficure or whatever dragons call it!"

Later at a park, Spike is nearly in fetal position when Applejack sneaks up on him with an ice cream and a cone.

'Hiiii~!'

>Whoa! Who are- Wait, aren't you that changeling Shining Armor likes?

'Yep! Shiny's busy right now so I came here to play. And then I saw you and you looked sad! So I used my allowance to buy you some ice cream!'

Presents the empty cone

'Oh, sorry, I ate it on the way over.'

>Well, thanks but I'm not really in the mood for ice cream myself.

Applejack 2 drops the remaining ice cream in shock and presses her face against his

'Not in the mood for ice cream?!'

She suddenly grabs Spike and uses changeling goo to stick him on her back

>What the- Hey! Put me down!

'You worse than you look! Need help bad! First stop, hot cocoa wit' machmallows!'

And off they go... Applejack 2 having learned to love from Shining armor and deciding now to pay it forward to bring love and happiness to another.

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"Okay, men"
>'We're stallions, not men!"]
"Right, sorry. That's Houses and Humans. Okay, Stallions!"
>The massed ranks of the royal guard cheer.
>"It has come to my attention that we may need some more training!"
>Boos ring out.
"I know, I know. But Princess Applejack told me that Captain Armour, whilst very patient, and a very good DM, he is not very good at running drills."
>More boos.
"Listen, I'm about as annoyed as you all are. I'm the one who has to organise the blasted things."
>'What're we doing?"
"Well if you'd let me speak, I was getting to that! I read over Captain Armour's old notes, and see that you know how to defend yourselves against many threats. He's trained you to fight spooky scary skellingtons, can you tell me how?"
>"Me, Sir?"
"Yes you, who else was I pointing at?"
>"Sir! Skellingtons do not have muscles, and so they cannot hurt you. They just tap on your armour. They're weak to crushing damage."
"Excellent"
>"And you get a plus 3 modifier to hit because of their low initiative."
"Oh fucking hell."

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>Applejack
"Twilight"
~~~~~
>Uhh... so what's this experiment, Twi, an' why does it need me strapped down to this table an' why am Ah linked to an unconscious Spike?

"The experiment is simple, Dragons Blood is said to have incredible magical properties so I'm seeing if it can enhance the power of an alicorn to an even greater level!"

>This don' sound safe, Spike an' are aint even the same species, much less tha same blood type.

"Shhh... Applejack, not now... It's time for TWIENCE!"

>Oh mah stars! Mah blood! It's on fire! Argh! The pain!

"Okay... So the result of dragon's blood being transfused to an Alicorn: anaphylactic shock... At least applejack will have something to nitpick at me about once she recovers."

>Wit' mah last breath... Ah blame Celestia...

"Damn!"
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>Applejack
“Applejack56”
________

>Making’ mah way downtown, trottin’ fast, faces past and Ah’m cakebound~

A sweet voice reaches the ears of Applejack56 and he stirs in his basket-like bed, one eye slowing opening to a bright, new day.

>Starin’ blankly ahead, jus’ makin’ mah way, makin’ a way through the crowd~

AJ56 lifts up on his hooves with a great, silent yawn, ears falling back. He spots the wide-rumped orange apple princess by the window, staring out with her front hooves on the sill.

>And Ah need you. And Ah miss you. And now Ah wonder...~

With quiet hoofsteps, he closes the gap between himself and Applejack in a matter of seconds, smiling drowsily as he rubs his face across the expanse of her plot.

Which causes her to stutter her singing and glance back.

>A-AJ56! What’re y’all-

“Please don’t stop.”

Offering her backside a small kiss that brings a bit of red to Applejack’s cheeks, he wiggles underneath her to occupy the space between her hooves, the top of his head just barely brushing her chin as he eagerly stares out the window with her.

“Keep singing, you have a great voice for it, orangebutt.”

Rolling her eyes at the nickname, Applejacks brings herself a bit closer and he snuggles back into her.

>If Ah could fall… into the sky. Do y’all think time… would pass me by? Cause y’all know Ah’d trot a thousand miles if Ah could jus’… see… you-

“I’d trot a thousand miles for you, too!”

>Hawh. Well, aren’t y'all the sweet one?
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>Crystal Guard 1
"Crystal Guard 2"
'Applejack 18'
(Cadence)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Hey, Shatterhoof?

"Yeah?"

>You, uh, you notice anything weird about the princess?

"Besides the fact that she's schizophrenic?"

>Actually, pretty much just that.

"Yes, stupid, I noticed. How could we NOT notice? I think that foreign princess gave her brain damage or something."

>I think she's jus-whoops, here she comes now.

*'Cadence' Stomps up to them*

'Okay, why the hell are you clear over here? There's nothing to guard over here, there's no strategic value to sticking you in a corner! We could all be on fire right now, you'd never know! Who told you two to stand here!?'

>You did. You wanted us to guard this sapphire vase.

'...The vase.'

"You said it was very important to the flow of the room."

'I jus-UGH! Go back to your regular posts! It's a freaking VASE! We have the largest stockpile of sapphire ON THE PLANET! IT'S FINE!'

>As you wish, Your Majesty!

'Thank you!' *Stomps off.*

*Five minutes later, with the two on their regular patrol.*

"Just like clockwork?"

>You can almost count it down. Three, two-

(Why did you guys stop guarding my vase!?)

"You told us to."

(Don't listen to me! Listen to ME! Go back and guard it!)

>As you command, Highness.

*She stomps off*

"Should we say something to the Prince?"

>Are you kidding? I wouldn't trade this entertainment for the world.
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Ya'll wanted ta' see me, princess?

"Yes. A manticore attacked a household yesterday, where were you?"

>What?

"Oh, and we can't forget that hydra that just damaged the dam on the outskirts of ponyville."

>What!? Is everyone okay?

"Oh yes, turns out there's a special flower that the Hydra is allergic to. Sadly, only one pony had it, but they managed to take care of it."

>Okay? Then what did ya'll want me ta' do?

"Oh, and there was a giant boulder that almost wrecked that settlement at the base of the other side of the mountain."

>Okay, Ah' was here, what did ya'll want me ta' do-

"And you look really bad for not stopping that mutant diamond dog. Poor Fancy Free had to stop it all by herself with the magic ruby of blinding, which was the only weapon that would work against it."

>Iffin' Ah' didn't have this stupid ruby, what they hay was Ah' supposed ta' do about it?

"What, you think it's not your fault?"

>Ah' know it's now mah fault!

"Then why the hell do you keep blaming me for not stopping every single super-threat in Equestria!"

>...

"..."

>...Alright, fair enough.

"Good! Now if you will kindly leave me be for a brief moment, I am going to gorge away my hatred of stupidity with a level of pastries that would kill a starving dragon."

>Have fun with that.

"Not like anything else is going to let me."

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>Applejack 18
"Applejack 42"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Yaaay, another day of going about, offering sexual services to someone who clearly cannot care less, and likely getting roped into more paperwork. How can this day get any bett-GLK!

*Smash!*

>...It was a rhetorical question, universe.

"You!"

>Me.

"I'm onto you."

>On top of, 42, you are on TOP of me. Get it straight.

"You think I don't see right though you?"

>I'm full of holes, it can't be that difficult, really.

"You're planning to usurp our queen!"

>Oh hey, crazy in addition to being violent. You're the whole bundle of snickers nut bars, aren't ya?

"ENOUGH!"

*Floor shattering noises*

>How are you this strong!? NOBODY LOVES YOU!

"..."

>Sorry, that came out way harsher than intended, and that's saying something. You know what I meant.

"My prowess may have been caused by an... unfortunate oversight on her majesty's part."

>Whoa, good thing I'm already on my back, or that might have floored me!

"During out fighting trials she may have 'accidentally' forgotten I had already been in a fight cluster to the death... a couple times..."

>...

"...at least ten times. "

>I feel for you, really I do, but what-

"Just know this, little Changeling. I have faced a lot of my kind in my day, and I will not lose sleep over one more death. You are useful, so for now I will let you live, but if you think I'm so stupid as to miss the obvious, you are fatally wrong. Get back to work, and do it right this time."

*With that, Applejack 42 pushes off her, and leaves.*

>...the fuck was she talking about?...probably just crazy... yeah... crazy.

*She leaves, unhurt but confused.*

*She does not notice the giant crater in the ground where her head landed.*

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>Cadence
"Shining armor"
~~~~~
Shining and Cadance fall backward on the bed, breathless, sweaty, and hot from a long night of passionate sex...

>Hoooly craaap, Shining, that was amazing.

"You too, honey... Wow... I didn't know tongues could be that long."

>Hehehe.

"Honey?"

>I did it! I finally did it!

"Huh?"

'Cadence' reveals herself to be none other than Applejack 18!

>I finally had sex with you! I completed my miss- wow... Okay, my legs won't work for another week, but I still FINALLY got you into bed! This is the best day of my- What's with that look?

"Sorry... Eighteen, I didn't recognize you."

'Shining Armor' turns out to ALSO be a changeling.

>...

"If it makes you feel any better, you're actually pretty amazing in the sack."

>You know what? I'll take that much.

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>Applejack
"Spike"
'messenger pony'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>MOTHERFUCKER!

"Applejack!"

>Sorry, it's just... they're so stuuuuupid!"

"I know, lord, do I know it."

>I just want one pony Ah' don't personally know to be competent, you know? Just one pony outside of the ten or so in my little worldbubble that can fill out a freaking form!

"We're making progress!"

>This is Mayor Mare's current projection of costs and time fer' the upcoming winter wrap up.

"And?"

>IT JUST SAYS "Let Twilight fix it." ON IT!

"Ah... You want another massage?"

>Would you? Please? Just... please?

"Aw, you just need to ask!"

>Thanks little guy. Ah'm glad Ah' have you around.

"Growing up next to an OCD stricken know it all has it's perks, I guess?"

'Princess! I have Cheerilee's budget for this years text books.'

>How much is it?

'A lot.'

>...

'...that... that's actually all it says. It' just a little napkin with that written in crayon on it.'

*POP!*

"Applejack, I know you're immortal and heal fast and all, but-"

>Yeeep. Probably gonna do some permanent damage one of these days.

'..Should I leave the napkin, orrrrr....'

"..."

'...No no, you got it. I'll just... I'll just go.'

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>Cadence
"Applejack 2"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*SLAM!*

>Fuck all of you!

"..."

>...I thought there would be more than just you in the room actually. A lot more. Everybody more."

"....*Sniffle*"

>O-oh no, 2, calm down, I wasn't talking about you!

"I-I'm sorry!"

>You didn't do anything! I was screaming at the idiots making rumor about me! Calm down, stop crying- ooooohhhh no.

*Wibble noises* "I'm soooooorrrry!"

>It's okay! L-look, see! I've got Candyland! You want to play Candyland?

*Wibbling intensifies*

*Desperate, Cadence hugs her*

>Please stop crying! Come here, really, I'm not mad!

"Y-you promise?"

>Promise! Swear on my mothers life!

"O-okay... can we still play Candyland?"

>Sure, Candyland, whatever, just please no more of that!

"M'KAY!"

*She bounces out of Cadences grip, hopping over to the board with a happy little smile*

"I'mma be blue, I love blue!"

>...Little manipulative-

"You coming?"

>...Okay, how do you play this?

"Well first ya' gotta..."

'Shining Armor
~~~~~~~~~

*Shining stumbles down the hall, only half awake.*

'Just... need... to... get... pills....'

*Opens his bedroom door*

*Stares for a second*

*Immediately closes it*

'Oh, okay, I'm too late. Already dreaming. Whelp, in that case-'

*Collapses to the floor.*

*All of the guards just walk around him.*

*Inside his room, Cadence slowly learns how to count the numbers on the dice.*

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>Applejack
“Cheerilee”
‘Spike’
__________

‘Okay… okay, I get why you’re going down to Ponyville to speak with Miss Cheerilee about that ‘a lot’ business but, er… why am I going? I still have to hand the cooks their paychecks, make sure Dash doesn’t drown in a see of invoices and-’

>'Cause quite honestly, Ah’m scared that if Ah go by myself, Ah won’t be comin’ back….

‘…’

>Ah’m not kiddin’, sugarcube.

‘Oh come on, AJ! I know every other pony in this kingdom has a few screws loose but Miss Cheerilee, why, she’s one the sweetest, smartest mares I’ve ever come across!’

He nudged her in the side with a grin.

‘Besides you, of course.’

>Ah appreciate the compliment, Spike, it’s just… well, please? Ah’d really like it y’all came with….

‘Fine, fine, only because you look so adorable right now.’

XXXXXXX

“Oh goodness me! Princess Applejack! And Spike! I thought I’d have more time to clean up- oh, but the classroom is a mess right now….”

>…

‘…’

The… ‘classroom’, as Miss Cheerilee called it, looked like the remnant of a full-blown war. Eerie shadows bounced off every destroyed surface thanks to flickering lights, desks were upended with the legs seemingly torn off and chucked at the wall like spears, scorch marks adorned the floor in some areas while cannon-worthy dents were blown through the tiles in others...

Spike lifted a trembling claw and pointed at the chalkboard where the words ‘RA’NUK KIN’ were scribbled in a red substance.

‘Is… is th-that blood…?’

“Good heavens no, dear! Well, yes, it is blood- but not pony blood. No, a few of the imps got into an argument and I decided to let them have it out. They did get a bit rowdy, I’m afraid. Didn’t think they’d do so much damage to the room.”

>…

‘I… what?’

“Never you mind, Spike dear! That trip down to Ponyville must have been tiring, the both of you look white as ghosts! Take a seat, won’t you?”

Both Applejack and Spike practically dive into the offered chairs in front of Cheerilee’s desk, nervously glancing about. Spike was transfixed with the board.

‘Ra’nuk… kin?’

“Hm? Oh, that’s deeptongue for ‘crimson flesh’. I think. I only learned about it a few weeks ago when I was called to Canterlot. I asked the demons if they wouldn’t mind teaching me a little and they’ve only been too happy to help!”

‘What the fu-’

>AHEM! Yes, well… that’s good! All good. W-we just stopped by in order to ask you about this? The, uh, budget for this years text books?

“Yes, dear? Is something wrong with it?”

Spike suddenly jumped in his seat.

‘Something just licked my tail!’

“Don’t worry, Spike, that’s just one of the ‘burdened’. They’re very curious creatures, they are. Being so horrifically bound and gagged as they tend to be, the freedom they smell on you is very sweet. Might I suggest toning that down, though? We wouldn’t them to get excited!”

‘B-but--I can’t see them!’

“But I can, so be a sweetheart and listen to me, yes? It may well save your life.”

‘WHAT THE FU-”

>AHEM! Anyway! All y’all sent us was a napkin with the words ‘a lot’ written on it. In crayon. We can’t give yer’ class the education it needs if we don’t have an accurate sum, ma’am.

Cheerilee laughs as she rummages about in her desk for a few seconds, and then pulls out another form.

“That was just a prank by one of my hallucinations. Dear me, did you actually think I’d send something so childish?”

Both Applejack and Spike erupt in nervous laughter.

>O-of course not… that’s why we came to make sure.


“I’m so glad you did! There you are, Princess Applejack. In the future, I’ll try to keep a watch on what those silly imps get up to. Now, would you like to know how AJ56 is doing so far?”

>Nope! Sorry to take-and-run but urgent Canterlot business, ya know!

“Oh, of course, of course. Feel free to visit any time!”

‘Like hell we wi-’

>Sure thing!

XXXXXX

>See? Ah told ya! Didn’t Ah buckin’ tell ya?

‘No. No, that was just… what the hell was that?’

>Me’n Celly have deemed it best to jus’ leave her be.

‘But she’s off her rocker!’

>Ah seem to recall some dragon sayin’ she was the most sweetest, smartest mare ‘round here, heh.

‘That was before I had my tail licked by some invisible demon! That only she can see!’

>She’s just stressed, is all.

‘That’s a lie and you know it, Applejack.’

>Eeeyup, but are y’all gonna be the one to try an’ fire her? And deal with her ‘friends’?

‘...yeah, stress. That’s it. Just stress.’

>Nothing but stress.

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>Applejack 42
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>My Queen.

"Ah, Applejack 42, what brings you to this corner of the ballroom?"

>I was wondering if you had a need of my services.

"Nothing at the moment, no."

>...

"..."

>...You sure? I could go beat up a guard to keep them on their hooftips.

"No, that got boring after the twelfth time."

>Any monsters in the bestiary at the moment? I could fight them.

"No no, the yellow one gets angry when we do that... I-I don't want her angry.... he'll come."

>My queen?

"NOTHING! I mean, no, my servant, I have nothing for you at the moment."

>...I could try taking over Applejack 18's mission.

"Who?"

>Sneaky Applejack.

"....Pffffthahahaha! AAAHHHHhahahahahhahahah!"

>Did.. did I say something funny?"

"YOU! Seduce someone!? Oh my lord, that's a riot! AHAHAHAHAHAH!

>Y-you asked me to do it before.

"Yeah, because I thought it was hilarious and my copy of "She's not that" hadn't come in the mail yet! Five star movie, by the way, had me on the edge of my seat."

>...Oh. Sorry for wasting your time, Majesty. Please, return to your films.

"Indeed I shall! Heart wrenching, these films. Want to watch?"

>N-no, no. I uh, should probably start training.

"Whatever... *snrk* 42, seducing someone. HAH!"

>... think I need some time in the corner.
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>Applejack56
“Applebloom”
‘Coach’
~~~~~~~~~

‘Alright! Good hustle, you fillies and colts, good hustle! I just want to take a moment to say… even though the odds were stacks against you, when the opposition was closing in from all sides, none of you gave up. You pushed on, you persevered, you utilized the skills I taught you. And that makes me proud, to know that you each pulled through with teamwork and cooperation!'

>Coach!

‘Yes, AJ56?’

>It was just a game of tag, coach, not war!

The entire gymnasium erupted in laughter while the coach coughed embarrassingly into his hoof.

‘Yes, well… at any rate… class dismissed! ‘Bloom, 56! The both of you are on clean-up!’

“Aw, shucks….”

>Sweeeet!

After all the dodgeballs were collected, a process passed quickly by AJ56’s constant yammering, he holds the ladder steady while Applebloom struggles to put them on the top shelf.

>...blow me up for the third time today! She’s really bad at it, though.

“Uh-huh. C’mon, ya stupid balls, git’ up…. An’ why’s Tiara tryin’ tuh kill ya again?”

>Beats me! I think psychosis is a standard ailment of flatflanks.

Applebloom blew a raspberry at that.

“Y’all- hahaha… ya actually called her that? Fer’ real?


>Well, it’s true, ain’t it? I mean, you could break a brick over that bone she calls a butt. Now yours….

“Mine what?”

>She might have you in the cutie mark department, but your plot’s definitely bigger! By a mile!

His hooves leave the ladder and join together as he begins to serenade the apple filly with praise over her gluts.

“Huh. Thanks, Ah guess? Ah don’t really pay atten- whoa, hey! Why’s the ladder so shaky, what’re y’all doin’ back there?!”

Too late. The ladder tumbles over sideways and Applebloom comes crashing down with a floor-rumbling thud.

“Owwww, ow, ow, ow! What in the hay happened?”

>…

“Hey! Don’t ignore me, that was dangerous, what were y’all think-…”

Feeling something decidedly warm underneath her rump, Applebloom looks over her shoulder to see she's sitting on AJ56, that warm sensation no doubt him struggling to breath while caught between the round orbs of her flank.

“…”

>…

She faces forward, silently blinking for a second or two, before screaming at the top of her lungs and racing from the gym closet, leaving a very stunned, very red-faced AJ56 to grin at the ceiling.

>Best. Gym day. Ever.

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>Cadence
"Applejack 18"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>No no no! I am not that fat!

"She says, oblivious to the laughter in my soul."

>And your crown is skewed, skew it back.

"I'm going to take a guess and say this isn't actually skewed, seeing as it is a mirror copy of yours right now."

>...Aren't I a lighter shade of pink?

"I am full of holes, I cannot get any lighter. Maybe all that hot air is helping you float?"

>Ehhh, it'll do. Now go fill out those railway expansion forms.

"You realize I'm not here for that, right? I'm here to seduce your husband. My endgame is me, him, a bed-or bathtub, table or floor, I'm not picky- and one long, exciting night."

>And I'm about as worried as a dragon in the middle of a wildfire. Everyone else around me might be panicking, but me? Fireproof.

"...You could act a little concerned."

>Oh, Applejack Fuddledydoo, I'm a terrible liar. Have fun!

"I won't."

>I know, sounds boring. Bye!

"..Rassafrassadangold...wantsombiscuits...friggennicepony..."

>...Should I feel humbled that I've been granted such an amazing life, with a devoted and hard working husband, immortal godlike power, a sister in law who can conquer any threat, a kingdom of glittering jewel at my command, and an aunt who commands the very sun in the sky itself? Maybe I should take this as a sign to work harder and earn these miraculous gifts?....

>Nah. Fifty percent off bejeweling sale, here I come!

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>Applejack
"Chrysalis"
'Various Changelings'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>CHRYSALIS!

"Oh joy, the orange whiny horse. Why, is that the pitter patter of a whine wagon coming along? It is! Oh, however shall she whinge at me today? Another form unfilled? Another task undone? How does she spend her time this fine morn, let's find out!"

>...It's four in the afternoon.

"Morning somewhere. Problem?"

>Yes there's a problem! Ya'll vagrants haven't left this place yet! What happened ta' gettin' jobs and movin' out of here?

'HEY! You friggen try getting a job when everyone freaks out when you WALK OUTSIDE!'

'Yeah! One of them tried to set me on fire!'

'I almost got stabbed!'

'I got a rock.'

>...Okay, ya'll haven't exactly been, well, welcomed with open arms. But some of ya'll have!

'Well, not all of us can sleep with Shining Armor for a stay at his castle, you know!'

'...Or, wait, can we do that? Was that on the table? I thought that was off the table. I'm all for that plan, let's do that plan.'

>They ain't sleepin' together... and are ya'll a girl?

'Missy, I'll be whatever the hell he wants me to be to stay in the Crystal Castle. I'm being literal there, because Changeling.'

>No no, that's not... uh...

'So how are we supposed to mingle into society if 'get boned by the prince' isn't on the table? Which, I would like to add to Applejack 29, I'm all for should it become available.'

"Well?"

>Ah'll... Ah'll think of something.

"Of course you will."

*After she leaves.*

"...just out of curiosity, how many of you were all for plan 'Sleep with Shining Armor for a room'?"

*Almost all of them raise their hooves.*

"...How many just see the room thing as a perk, and just want to get with Shining Armor?"

*About half the arms go down.*

"...Fourty Two, is that your arm in there?"

*One arm slowly lowers.*

'N-no, my queen. I'm uh, I'm someone else.'

"Oh. Okay... nice enthusiasm, Sneaky Applejack."

'Thank you.'

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