El Diablo: Caliente Para el Profesor

Every relationship was different. Some were fast and passionate, others slow and calm. Some could be sloppy and wild, while others required a certain level of tact. Kanaya’s relationship with Rose was a bit of everything. Things moved slowly, but with energy and fervor. And while Kanaya tried her best to maintain poise in spite of social clumsiness and a now almost comically disproportionate height compared to her matesprit, Rose had developed a party-animal trait that had apparently dwelled within her for years. Or at least the capacity therefore. Kanaya didn’t dwell too much on that. As much as she would try to appear otherwise, she didn’t really have much time to be thoughtful. In all honesty, maintaining their relationship was a mess.

First it was time management, being able to work in dates and little intimate moments and days together in between their schedules of research, training, and routine journeys into the dreambubbles (And even after their schedules devolved into little more than sluggishly lounging around, everyone needs a little “me” time). Then came the dynamics. From Kanaya’s understanding, a relationship between two women on Earth could be confusing enough, as it had the potential to refute traditional roles in a relationship, flip them on their head, staunchly maintain them, or throw them out the window. It took Kanaya a short time to fully “get” it, but it was a simple enough idea. On top of this, Kanaya had to introduce Rose to three different types of romance that her species wasn’t even aware existed until a short time ago. Rose was a quick learner, but her tendency to crash headlong into things that she believed to comprehend had made for more than one awkward quip and sullied more than one otherwise memorable encounter. It certainly didn’t help that she wanted to experiment in all of the quadrants, or that she’d started drinking. Kanaya had dealt with people involved with soporifics before. She wasn’t too much a fan. But she genuinely cared for Rose. Kanaya felt the pangs of red romance coursing through her bile pump every time she laid eyes on the Seer. She was attached, she was affectionate. Some would say that she was teetering on falling in love. And Kanaya may have agreed.

But then came the sex, or at least attempts at it. That’s when things started to become a bit unmanageable. So full of teeth bumping fangs and absolutely no idea of what to do with each other’s tongues, they had decided to be more evenly paced and level headed with physical intimacy. And so it was, each time they’d have a moment alone, they were able to fully enjoy each other’s company. Weeks of smeared lipstick and giggles amid groping, and playful bites had been wonderful. But it was sober Rose that had agreed to their reasonable boundaries. Kanaya found her matesprit becoming increasingly handsy, less inhibited. More than once had a pair of fingers found their way underneath the hem of Kanaya’s skirts. More than once had those same fingers tried to unclasp the device that held in place Kanaya’s ample rumble speheres. And while Rose was curious as it was about her alien girlfriend and sex altogether, liquid courage imparted her with a certain sense of self-assurance that made Kanaya quake in her massive boots. If Rose was ready, willing, and able… Kanaya knew that she wanted to go further in their relationship, and explore everything that they possibly could. But whether or not she felt herself capable of… satisfying those desires was an entirely different story.

No pressure, though, thought Kanaya, plodding along a dark corridor of the meteor’s ectobiology laboratory. When one has a problem, they seek friendly advice on the matter.

A rappa-tap-tap. Her long fingers curled in a weak fist, gently striking the door to Karkat’s respiteblock. She waited, unsure that Karkat had heard her knock. As she raised her hand to strike a second time, she heard nondescript grumbling coming from behind the metal portal, and in an instant the door slid open.

“Oh, hey, Kanaya. What’s up?” Karkat said, nonplussed and a tad grumpy, as was his standard.

“Hi Karkat,” Kanaya began. She straightened her long back and folder her hands together behind her, above her taught, round rump, “What are you up to right now?” Karkat blinked, shook his head. He thumbed to the black leather sectional in the middle of his respiteblock’s foyer, set in front of a large screen built into the wall.

“I’m going through John’s shit list of human cinema garbage, and crafting responses for him to thumb through when we meet up, so he’ll have…” Karkat paused, his eyes drifting upwards for a moment. Kanaya noticed the slight red coloration taking to his irises. It would still be a few sweeps before other people, people without a predisposed awareness of blood, would take notice, and certainly a few more before the color fully set. She bit her lower lip. The angry kid she’d come to hold so dearly all that time ago was growing up, “So far, four hundred and sixty-two pages of analysis as to exactly why he’s wrong, and why his opinions are objectively terrible by the logic of his universe, ours, the next, and any others that exist in this or any other timeline, doomed or not. ”

“That sounds riveting.”

“I’m not even a halfway through the list yet. I think I’m developing carpal tunnel.”

“I can see to that, if you’d like.”

“Please,” Karkat scoffed, blowing a runaway spiky bang out of his face, “I can deal. Well, come in, I guess, if you came all this way to hang out. Or whatever.” Karkat gestured through his doorway. Kanaya smiled and strode in, the corners of her mouth tightening even more when she noticed Karkat scowling as her chin came level with his eyes. Karkat closed the door behind them and picked up his feet, hustling in front of Kanaya and over the back of his couch, sliding down into what she assumed was where he was spending most of his time these days.

“Well this place has seen better nights.” Kanaya commented, awkwardly tiptoeing to avoid posters and cartons and other junk littering the floor. The heel of her shoe crunched on an empty plastic soda bottle, and for a moment Kanaya was revisited by a blistering hatred that still confused her. She let it pass, however, and vaulted onto the couch next to Karkat, landing with a round ‘Ooomph’ as the leather and stuffing sighed and adjusted. Karkat had a movie going, and he was presently invested in the human stories, a pen furiously scribbling notes every few moments as Karkat’s eyes twitched and darted from point to point on the screen. Kanaya tried to make sense of what was going on; there was a group of men onscreen, one with large spectacles, and they were surrounded by oinkbeasts. They all seemed very tensely belligerent. A troll would look at this and see harsh caste relations and black flirting. Kanaya figured that Karkat was trying to look past that, and leaned her head back, letting it sink into the cushion behind her.

“Can you believe that Dave blew me off today? To go play scrotum checkers with the Mayor or some other retarded stunt that’s just generally unbelievable.”

“I can’t imagine why. You’re fantastic company.” She said with a grin.

“Okay, rule number one about hanging out in my room: You can fuck off. Rule number two: Bolt your gaping word hole.” He shot back, eyes still glued to the screen. Kanaya grinned. Karkat cracked a small, almost shy smile, “So why did you even come down here? I mean, it’s great when we can hang out upstairs. But you live all the way over on the other side of the lab for the most part. And I think this is the first time I’ve seen you in weeks when you didn’t have a certain pale lamprey ironically sucking the life out of someone who, by their very nature, requires the lifeblood of others to survive.”

“Hey now,” Kanaya said with a halfhearted chuckle, “I would not go that far.”

“Please. You’re exhausted. She’s an alcoholic. And she’s annoying even when she’s not soporified. Even you can admit that you need some time off.”

“Perhaps.” Kanaya said with a gentle sigh, closing her eyes and cradling her head with her hands, still resting on the cushion of the couch, “I don’t know. I really don’t have any idea what I’m doing here.” Karkat paused midstroke, still not breaking eye contact with the screen, and then went back to writing.

“Now, where have I heard that before…”

“What do you mean?” Another pause.

“Red or black?”

“What?”

“I’m just going to assume red, because regardless of how carelessly Lalonde attempts to run hurdles through the intricacies of our complex and vastly superior alien social structure, at the end of the day she’s just going to wind up with sentimental, vaguely pink heartaches and a hangover that kicks like a fucking musclebeast,” Karkat said, with flat curtness. Kanaya was dumbfounded. Had she really been that obvious? “And because, well, let’s face it, I don’t think you could find yourself waxing black for her if she had been the one to kill your lusus.” Karkat clicked the top of his pen and turned his eyes to meet Kanaya’s, who shifted away as she felt herself flushing.

“You know that I am neither an expert in the realm of psychology nor romance,” She said, straightening out. She dropped her arms, one hand flat against her thigh now crumpling the thin fabric of her trademark red skirt, though a version thereof tailored to cut off just past the knee, rather than trail to the ankle, “Our relationship has been… Something of a mire.”

“Oh that is so fucking surprising.”

“A mire that I have been perfectly willing and able to navigate!” Kanaya protested. Karkart brought up his left arm and rested his chin in the middle of his palm. He cocked an eyebrow.

“Until now?” He asked, his tone sounding completely unsurprised. Kanaya groaned.

“Until now.”

“Well, what’s the problem?”

“I, uh…” Kanaya began, but trailed off. She’d touched on the subject in conversation with a few others before (Rose only barely included), but never in great detail. And certainly never with Karkat, of all people.

“I mean, shit, if you’ve been able to put up with her recreational substance abuse and her regular loads of snarky musclebeastshit I fucking applaud you. All hail Captain Kanaya, Queen of the social graces that she so desperately lacks!” Karkat shouted, raising his hands to the ceiling overdramatically. Kanaya would have cringed, but remembered that no one was anywhere remotely near Karkat’s respiteblock, and that even then, the walls were thick. No one could hear a thing that was going on in the room. She inhaled sharply.

“It’s sex.” Kanaya spat, the words tumbling out of her mouth quickly. Karkat’s finger snapped at the pause button on a nearby remote. He perked up and immediately locked onto Kanaya’s face with laser-like precision.

“What?”

“Sex. That’s the problem,” Kanaya muttered, intent now on determining the exact thread count of her mauve, hand-knitted stockings, “I’ve always been able to deal with all of the social aspects of relationships, albeit perhaps not the most gracefully…” Karkat’s eyeroll was almost audible, “But this, well. It’s like I was speeding down the road on a two-wheeled device and someone saw fit to erect a brick wall right in the middle.”

There was a little bit of silence before either of them spoke. Not really awkward silence. More contemplative, pensive. Kanaya couldn’t help but feel singled out as, of course, she was presently subject to the very personal scrutiny of one of her closest friends in complete isolation from the rest of anything else for hundreds of meters, and beyond that an irrational sum of lightyears.

“What’s the problem, exactly?” Karkat asked.

“What do you mean?”

“With the. With the sex.” Karkat was trying his best to maintain composure, and succeeding. Kanaya had always known him for his drama and his tantrums, but she admired the level of maturity with which he was handling things these days. A trait that she felt everyone else on the meteor had been lacking of late, herself included.

“I…”

“Words. Use your words or I’m never going to be able to help you get laid.” Karkat’s frankness made Kanaya look up, back at him, with a quizzical expression. She could notice the fluster in his face, but Karkat shrugged and leaned back into the couch. He rolled his hand, gesturing his impatience.

“I don’t. Ah, I. I don’t know how.” Kanaya admitted, dropping her arms to her sides and trying to integrate herself with the cushions beneath her.

“Are you fucking serious. It’s pretty fucking simple, you just take the-“

“I mean, I know how it works! What do you take me for?” Kanaya shouted, her pale grey skin suddenly flickering into a bright white glow. Karkat looked slightly taken aback. Kanaya grimaced, but retreated, “It’s not that I don’t know how sex works. It’s that I don’t know how it works. Do you understand?” She asked, half pleading. It took a moment, but Karkat nodded.

“And you came to me, the guy who has been laughably pitiable and alone for the past seven sweeps because…”

“You’re my first choice for advice on other matters. So why not this one?” Karkat sighed.

“Fair point.” Another pause, this one longer. Karkat shifted in his seat. Kanaya noticed that he looked uncomfortable now, for the first time since their conversation had taken the turn that it had, “Well, you’re in luck.”

“What do you mean.”

“I mean that, compared to these other assholes, I probably know more about sex than anyone on this rock. Though I can’t speak for the Mayor, he could have all sorts of sordid histories of which I am thankfully and blissfully unaware.”

“But how.”

“Kanaya, I am a movie buff. A veritable cinemaster. I am a purveyor of all kinds of films.” Karkat said, satisfaction coating his words. Kanaya wore a look of surprise and bemusement.

“Did you just admit to spending your free time here watching human pornography instead of getting ready to fight Jack, or whatever you’re on about at a given moment?” She quipped. This time, Karkat was taken by her frankness.

“Fuck off, it sounded a lot better in my head!” He tripped over his words, “And not just human pornography! What the fuck do you take me for?”

“Why our fearless leader of course.”

“A *lot* better!”

There was a pause. They locked eyes and broke into laughter. They calmed down after a few moments, and Kanaya slid across the black leather, closer to Karkat.

“Karkat, I’ve given you your fair share of migraines, no doubt.”

“On the contrary, your vague semblance of competence and tact was refreshing in the lukewarm shitstorm that characterized the last sweep of my life, give or take.”

“And I know it’s probably an awkward request.”

“Not nearly as awkward as my presentation.”

“But if there’s something, anything you can tell me, teach me to help me get through this, it would be greatly appreciated.” She said with a smile, putting her hand on Karkat’s knee. Karkat met her gaze and tried to smile, but found himself laughing. Not comfortably, either. He stood up and shook himself away from Kanaya, nervous. Kanaya cocked her head and pursed her ample lips, today black on black, as usual.

“What’s wrong.”

“What, me? Oh, nothing! Fantastic. Better than usual. Best that I’ve been in fucking seasons!”

“You were so calm just a moment ago.”

“Until you made a thought cross my mind!”

“What, I made? What are you implying?”

“You come in here with all your awkward question having and inquisitions, strange little requests, sleuthing all over your personal problems! Like I’m a master of dealing with those!” Karkat started pacing, throwing his arms every which way, passing with wide berth around the couch.

“What in the hell is wrong with you now?” Kanaya asked, sounding slightly concerned. Karkat frowned, then froze, and dropped his arms to his side. He bit his lower lip and sighed uncomfortably.

“The nuances of lovemaking do not easily translate across mediums,” He said, walking back, stopping behind the couch. He rested his elbows on the backboard, chin in hands, rubbing his eyes in frustration, “And what I know isn’t exactly formatted into a fucking lecture. Otherwise I’d annotate everything all neat like, mail it to the fucking drones, and get your ass broad-side schoolfed up the bone bulge!”  Kanaya was confused.

“You’re making no sense here.”

“How much to you care for Rose?” Karkat asked, his mouth slightly muddled by a set of obstructive grey digits, “I mean, how much do you want this to work out with her.” It took Kanaya a moment of thought.

“I care for her quite a bit, and I would like to see this aspect of our relationship bear fruit, though perhaps not in a literal sense, though I’m unsure as to how that would work, exactly.” Kanaya amused herself with the thought for a moment before recognizing how increasingly uncomfortable Karkat was becoming. She reflected for a second ‘The nuances of lovemaking do not easily translate across mediums.’ And then it hit her. Her bile pump skipped a beat, and she looked up at Karkat, then back to her skirt, then up to Karkat again. He’d never… With her? How could they? Each question and refutation led to another visitation and readdress of the same idea. She knew that she shouldn’t. And there had always been something special between her and Karkat, she felt this, and she knew that he did… But it wasn’t that. Did he really mean to violate that relationship? And offer so brazenly? She bit her lip, harder, this time. Somehow, cycling the thought in her head wasn’t serving to restrain it from returning, or sate her now growing curiosity.

“Do you actually mean…” She had always thought of Karkat as out of the question in terms of romance. At least red romance, or black romance. But sex did not always entail romance. She would have lied to herself claiming that the thought hadn’t crossed her mind once or twice before, but entirely in the realm of impossibility.

“There’s only one way to teach this that doesn’t involve awkwardly sitting through hours of pornographic films with one of your best buds.” He said, trying to remain calm and in control.

“And what you’re saying *isn’t* awkward?”

“Okay, bad wording on my part. But I’m willing to-“

“Under the implication that *I* am also willing?” She half shouted, a mixture of fear, anger... excitement...

“I’m just trying to offer some friendly advice!” Karkat screamed. Kanaya was frozen. Karkat bowed his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, realizing what he had just said, “Welp, big surprise I derail yet another one of my relationships and careen into the social gorge that is my life. I’ll be out back behind the shed, tearfully putting both barrels at the back of the head of my chances of trying to ever live a healthy and functional life!” He angrily chimed, turning on heel and making his way for the door.

Kanaya felt a turn in her stomach as she watched Karkat take his leave. To improve her relationship with Rose, and now this curiosity, this excitement she wasn’t sure had existed before… At least not in force. She looked up to the ceiling. Hundreds of meters, and an irrational number of lightyears. And from the other side of the meteor, leagues of nothing between them and the next person. And this wasn’t romance. If it was, it was something that she hadn’t heard of or experienced before.

She figured that she’d never gotten anywhere in life sitting around and waiting for her social tensions to resolve themselves.

“Karkat, wait.” She called. Karkat paused at the door, not bothering to turn around.

“Fucking what?”

“I’ll… Show me.” She said, promptly folding her hands in her lap. If their skin did not so perfectly conceal the shade of their blood, she was certain her face would be full in mint, as Rose’s went to pink whenever she was embarrassed or excited. Karkat turned around, his face a look of disbelief.

“What, after that pitiful fucking display? You’re joking.”

“Not entirely.”

“Seriously, I’m used to getting yanked around, but not by you. This isn’t fair. I don’t even know how to respond.”

“Perhaps if you would get back over here and sit down, I could, umm. Do some yanking on a more intimate level.” Kanaya said, trying to as sound friendly and inviting as possible. Karkat didn’t even bother a response. Merely a slow, even stride back across the room, around the couch, and then down to where he had sat.

“Did you seriously just fucking say that.” Kanaya was trembling, but a hotness filled her chest and face. Were she a time player, she was almost certain she wouldn’t have returned to rectify that remark.

“Not perhaps my most acuous moment…” Kanaya said, quickly, words stumbling again. They sat in silence again. It was getting old at this point, but Kanaya would do nothing about it, not after that outburst. She wished she could tie her fangs in a knot and seal her mouth up tight. Though it occurred to her that in a few short moments she may be needing it for… Things.

“I’ll fucking say,” Karkat began. He had surrendered himself to the couch, almost completely limp, his arms loosely at his sides. He looked away, and after a second turned back, and crept his hand over to Kanaya’s knee.
“So, do you want to start, or should-“

“Please, take the lead,” Kanaya said. Her eyes caught Karkat’s discarded pen and notebook. She grabbed them, her long arms easily reaching past Karkat and over to the table, and held them up, playfully sticking her tongue out of a corner of her mouth, “I’ll do my best to keep up. Good notes will be necessary for a budding academic.” That made him laugh. Kanaya praised an anonymous deity and sighed, still shaking, looking up to the ceiling. She was brought back to reality when Karkat placed a hand on her knee.

“Well, let’s start with a kiss. I take it you’ve at least done this before, right?” He said. She rolled her eyes. She looked forward now, directly into Karkat’s. He had big eyes and noticeable lashes. His jawline was far more angular than last she remembered, and the way he held the sudden calm to his face drew his countenance together quite nicely, Kanaya surmised.

She was taking too long, so Karkat moved first. He planted a kiss on her lips. Though expecting it, she was completely surprised. The sensation was alien, having not kissed anyone aside from Rose in, well, ever. Karkat moved an arm around her waist, and another slid up under her arm, behind her head.
Yes, alien, she decided, but good. His lips felt warm, and somehow his closeness, his embrace, it placated her trembling body into stillness. She picked up her hands and wound both around Karkat’s waist, drawing him a little closer.

Karkat broke the kiss, turning his head as Kanaya turned hers. The kissing intensified. She could feel Karkat tense and relax as he moved, his lips and tongue tasting and teasing Kanaya’s. She would have been more active were she not still terrified. He broke the kiss again, and pulled her into an embrace.
“Holy shit calm down already…” He muttered, biting at her neck. Kanaya moaned, slightly. Not a moan of outright sexual pleasure. More of a gasp of relief, releasing pent-up tension as he nibbled and nipped up and down her neck, sliding the open collar of her shirt back to access her collarbone. She was thankful that Karkat’s teeth, while not blunt, like Aradia’s, were not nearly as sharp as other trolls. She imagined that the bites would be less pleasant outside the realm of black romance. Karkat’s mouth was relaxing her neck, releasing strain and pleasure with each little squeeze.

“This is, uhn, ironic. I’m usually the one doing the biting.” Kanaya said with a forced chuckle as she sighed, Karkat still working on her neck. He moved to the right side.

“See, you’ve got to gently nip at her neck. Gently. It’s a fucking artform. I mean it’s gonna be difficult for you what with those big fucking vampire fangs and all, but let’s pretend for just a second that you’re not completely ass-backwards at this and that you’ll take the lesson to heart.” He muttered, biting down harder this time, holding his grip and then releasing. Kanaya had no idea that bites that didn’t break the skin could be so… Well, they were a lot of things right now, and Kanaya couldn’t find words, “See, people who aren’t monsters will usually bite like this to leave a bruise. And from that look on your face it’s definitely working. But enough with teeth…” He trailed off, kissing up the nape of her neck, back to her face. Karkat planted a kiss on each cheek, one on her nose, and a light one full on her lips. He held the last for a moment longer before retreating, retracting his arms, which he let fall to Kanaya’s thighs. She remained wrapped around his waist, thankfully having no reason to move her hands at the moment; she had no idea what to do with them. Karkat looked into her eyes, and she into his. Her chest went hot, then cold, settling on faint, ticklish warmth.

“Now, sometimes there can be a lot of foreplay involved. And I mean a lot, but given that Rose is kind of a graceless moron these days, you probably won’t be needing a lesson in this. It’s mostly making out, generally, but you’ll have to work it out with her exactly what you’ll want before you actually get down to business, alright?” Karkat finished, sounding astute in spite of his subject matter. All Kanaya could do was nod before kissing him again. Karkat was surprised, but he didn’t let it break his stride. He placated her clumsy lips for a minute or two before pushing her off and rubbing a hand up her thigh.

“Now, here’s where you’re probably going to fuck up. I mean, you’re going to be fucking, so maybe there’s a better word we could use to describe your disastrous attempts at getting it on with freaky alien women. Moot point…” Karkat stopped himself, running his hand to Kanaya’s knee, then under her skirt. Kanaya flushed and froze. This was as far as Rose had gotten, caressing the bare skin of her upper thigh. Her instinct was to push Karkat away, but his fingers, his hand… It calmed her. When Rose tried to rub her thighs, it had felt somehow inappropriate. But na-ah-ah…

No, wait. What are you doing.

“Karkat, I…” Kanaya stuttered, standing up and smoothing out the folds in her skirt. Her eyes went wide, then narrow, darting around the empty room in baseless paranoia.

“Holy shit what now.” Karkat groaned, crossing his arms and glowering. Kanaya froze, chewing on her thumb for a moment before dropping her arm and looking away.

“This is… Well that was as far as Rose has gotten with me.”

“So?”

“So I. Well I don’t really know what I’m expecting.”

“Well gee, Kanaya, that’s kind of the whole fucking point of this little soiree of ours?”

“Yes! Yes, but… It seems so… Wrong.”

“Then why did you ask me to do this.”

“I, *you* asked me!” Kanaya exclaimed, now frustrated, “And I… Yes, I came down here soliciting advice on a particularly awkward part of my budding relationship with Rose. And I did not expect your brazen solicitation of such casual sex acts between… friends!” She groaned, tugging at the gelled roots of her short black hair.

“Oh well you’re doing such a good job of making it sound like we’re prancing through flowers and mercy culling the lower castes,” He said, sighing, almost entirely dismissed of the affair, “And if you’re so goddamn confused about this why are you still here?”

“Because I want you, too!” She shouted. Her mouth went agape, and Karkat’s eyes wide. She circled one of her fangs with her tongue and closed her mouth in a dimwitted stupor before speaking, “I don’t mean in terms of filling one of my quadrants. I don’t…” She sat down, burying her face in her hands, “You know that our relationship goes deeper than friendship. You have always been special to me, Karkat, for reasons of which I’m unaware, sometimes.”

“You’re doing such a good job of making this not any more awkward.”

“And I do not know or claim to know a lot of things, especially in the realms of romance and sex. But if we continue, I don’t know what I would feel.” There was a long silence. Karkat crossed and uncrossed his arms twice. He blew loose bangs out of his face, again.

“Does the way you feel about me violate your quadrant with Rose?” Karkat asked, trying to maintain his calmness.
“I, well. No. No, I don’t think that it does.”

“And is it true that the both of you are experimenting with all four different quadrants? Ruining your adolescence with forays into unhappy romance and an unsatisfying sex life?”

“Don’t put it like that. But yes, I suppose.”

“Then holy shit stop shaking and enjoy yourself for once in your goddamn life.” Karkat sighed. Kanaya piqued up, returning her attention to Karkat.

“What do you mean.”

“I mean you need to stop trying to worry about everybody else, goddammit. You spent a better part of your life on Alternia auspisticizing and moirailing and mediating and God knows what else, it’s no wonder that all you can think about is how everything is going to come crashing down!” Karkat said, rather loudly, accompanying his words with an appropriate cacophony of hand jestures, “News flash, Kanaya: This meteor isn’t exactly the best place to foster a new life for yourself, or build up your social network. And sure we have to work together as a team, and be damn functional about it if we don’t all want to lick nook and die when we arrive at the new session, but you’re just gonna drive yourself shithive maggots if you keep playing everything like it’s opening night at the nude, awkward growth spurt ballet!” He stood. He wasn’t looking at Kanaya anymore, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of his face, “We’ve already had how many relationships rise and fall faster than sectarian revolts on Alternia? Do you really think that given how stone cold retarded and intrusive everyone is that every single stone’s going to be left unturned at the end? Of fucking course not!” He reached for the ceiling, and his eyes joined his hands, “So calm the hell down and stop worrying about tripping yourself or stepping on someone’s toes, because dammit, we’re already half-dead and crippled.” Kanaya sat there, not surprised at the outburst, but trying to comprehend everything he had said.

“You make some valid points.” She replied, after a time. Karkat looked at her with an expression and screamed ‘Duh’ in everything but words. He raised his arms in a shrug.

“So, what, are we done here?” He asked. Kanaya inhaled sharply, then exhaled over several seconds. She shook her head. Karkat raised his brow, and his arms in a quizzical gesture. Kanaya nodded. Karkat sighed, took a step, and returned to his seat on the couch. He looked her in the eye, in a manner that Kanaya could surmise as an attempt to be reassuring. Kanaya forced a weak smile in reply as he reassuringly gripped her hand.

He returned to kissing her, and soon enough, his hands found their way back underneath her skirt. Karkat was running his hand along the upper part of her inner thigh. His free hand had joined the caress, taking Kanaya’s other leg. She tensed, bringing her legs together. Karkat grimaced and gave her a dirty look. Biting her lip, Kanaya complied, relaxing her legs and allowing Karkat to touch her. He looked down at her legs, and she was certain she could see the makings of a faint smirk on his lips.

“Now, she usually wears her god-tier outfit, so you’ll have to find a way to remove her leggings, but be, sexy about it. Goddamn, nothing kills the mood faster than when I see a pair of awkward dumbfucks who don’t know how to undress each other. You, on the other hand,” Karkat muttered as he pushed her skirt back up her pale thighs, still resonating with a bright white glow. Her bioluminescence intensified as Karkat traced the tips of two fingers over the surface of a pair of simple cotton underpants. Damp.

“Well well, now what do we have here.” He said with what would pass for a chuckle coming from a normal person. Kanaya frowned, though not in frustration, or anger, but in tension.

“That’s entirely on your head.” She said, reclining. It would have been an understatement to claim that Kanaya was incredibly aroused. From a small spot of curiosity and twisted baseness right in between her thighs had spread a tingling sensation throughout her lower body, both hot and cold, pinpricking her every movement. She’d expected Karkat to walk her through the ‘mechanics’, but… Not that she’d be so into it, beyond the almost taboo thrill. She stopped second guessing herself for a moment and redirected her thoughts to more, perhaps constructive pursuits. She propped herself up on her elbows, wanting to allow Karkat easier access to her… She couldn’t even think about it right now. She couldn’t… She couldn’t think about anything since Karkat had moved away from her thighs and started leaving a trail of kisses up her belly. It wasn’t flat, it wasn’t tight, but she wasn’t rotund by any means. Simply the monument to a lack of exercise and hobbies that didn’t take her anywhere that could pass for out of doors these days. Though it was evident that Karkat didn’t seem to care, and she was certain that Rose didn’t. She was about to ask what he was doing, before he stopped, planting a firm kiss on her lunar plexus, and snaked his hands behind her back. She quickly arched and allowed him behind her. In an instant, he undid the clasp of the device that kept her rumble spheres secure, and did away with it in that same instant. His stubby fingers were dexterous, that was certain.

“Now, as part of foreplay, you’re probably going to want to, ahem, suck on her nipples. I don’t need to tell you that, especially on females, they get sensitive when you’re flustered like this.” He said, trying to remain clinical. He punctuated the point he was making by reaching up and gently twisting one of Kanaya’s nipples. She cried out, not expecting, but not unwelcoming of the sudden move. Karkat retreated to her thighs, and Kanaya took it upon herself to begin squeezing at her breasts. Karkat noticed this, and smirked, “Yeah, make sure she’s playing with herself. Keep it up. Now, on the subject of head…”

Kanaya moaned, this time almost entirely in sexual gratification as Karkat’s tongue dragged itself across the surface of her underpants, already damp from their… transgressions.
“Hnn, fuck.” She muttered under her breath. Kanaya was certain that if he bit her lip any harder she’d draw blood.
“If I was able to make you do that by just licking your panties, not even touching your clit, I can’t wait to hear what Rose is able to make you do.” Karkat said, plainly. Kanaya breathed heavily and moved another hand to her other breast.

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“You said ‘clit’. And before that, ‘nipples’.”

“Yeah? What of it? That is the term.”

“That’s highblood vernacular.”

“And?”

“Just interesting is, ooo, unh, all.” Kanaya trailed off as Karkat had decided to end that discourse early by tucking a finger under the hem of her undergarments and pulled them to the side, licking what was now exposed of Kanaya’s lips with the full breadth of his tongue. Karkat patted Kanaya’s thigh, close to her bottom, urging her to rise for a moment. She complied, and Karkat slid her simple white panties out from under her. Skin smoothly complimented Skin as Kanaya’s thighs connected with her abdomen, her glowing intensifying slightly.

“Now, you’re going to want to finger her, probably. But we’ll get to that later. Since you can’t, you know, ‘practice’ on me, just try and remember what this feels like and what you do, so you can replicate it.” Karkat said, holding up one finger before turning his attention back to Kanaya’s moist lips. Kanaya released the pair of lips she had control of and licked them. The lipstick was smeared, and she tasted the dull flavor of her own blood.

“Terezi.”

“What.”

“You, ooo, you used those highblood words, and there’s…” She stopped as Karkat pushed her thighs farther apart, running the length of his tongue from the edge of her taint to the line of thin black pubic hair that framed the top of her pussy. Without stopping, Karkat slid forward a finger, running it along the length of her lips, then in between them. Kanaya moved, out of sync with Karkat, but she moved. And that was what he wanted. He inserted the tip of his tongue and did away with the finger, moving to grip Kanaya by the thighs. She took his hands, surprising him, and wrapped her fingers tightly around his. He began to lick her, gently at first, teasing her. The audible reaction was enough to urge him on farther, licking up, down, side to side, penetrating just a little bit deeper and deeper with each stroke of the dark grey muscle. He found the telltale metallic taste, accented with, what… Was it mint? Something green… He tasted, she trembled.

“It must ha-ave. It must have been Terezi, because you are way too good at this for a guy who j-. justwatches pornograph-.” Kanaya managed to get out before Karkat took his face away from her pussy, looking her in the eyes. He got on one hand and moved up her body, pressing his against her chest, and placed one finger on her plump lips, in between her fangs.

“Shut the fuck up and let me work.”

“Yes sir.” She was entirely his. He got back to business.

“You’re going to want to lick her more attentively than that. Shit, for you that’s part of your staple. But do you get the idea? Or…” He said, trailing away as his fingers danced, finding that one special spot above her lips, “Perhaps you’d like me to reiterate?” Kanaya nodded, all she could muster, “Well too fucking bad. We’re almost done here,” The words almost hurt, “But for you, the next part’s probably the most important…” Karkat retreated to Kanaya’s thighs once more. He gave her lips three licks, each long and loving, and each ending with the tip of his tongue teasing her clit. Kanaya heaved, digging her head into the couch cushion, tearing the leather slightly with her horns. Karkat didn’t notice, or if he did, he certainly didn’t care, too caught up in his work. He slid his left hand underneath Kanaya’s waist and took the right to her lips. He traced his fingers once around her pussy before settling on his index finger, taking in between her lips and sliding it further in. Kanaya recalled the sensation of his tongue, which felt, well, it certainly didn’t feel like this. Fuller, definitely and, oh, my. More dexterous, in a w-wa… Way. Karkat began to gently thrust with his index finger, taking care to be mindful of his fingernails as he came close to her entrance, but abandoned caution when thrusting back into her.

“Now, you’re probably going to want to be more careful, depending, but considering how wet you are…” Karkat stopped talking. Kanaya had her eyes closed, and she had started rocking her hips back and forth with Karkat’s hand. He raised his brow and shrugged slightly before knitting his eyebrows and returning to Kanaya’s pussy, determined. He withdrew his one finger, gave her a lick, and inserted a second. He would have continued his even strokes, his cautious movements, but Kanaya’s hips drew him in where such caution would have been a downright waste of time and energy. Karkat smirked, feeling Kanaya’s pussy tighten around his fingers with each buck of her hips. He kept the rhythm as Kanaya picked up her speed, moaning out a mess of words that Karkat guessed she was trying to form into names or curses.

“Nnniah.. Ka..Ro-oh… I ca.. I’m, Iashahahhhh…!” She cried. Her words were barely comprehensible, but she was thankful that her speech wasn’t lucid. Her movements picked up, her pussy… Karkat leaned over to kiss her belly. He could feel it, and she could, too, but was in no position to articulate.

She didn’t scream. More a groan, one of sweeps of pent up sexual tension, satisfied and breathless. He looked satisfied, almost smugly so. He kept his fingers in her as she rode the climax. Seconds passed, but long, good seconds. Her pussy gripped his fingers, and quickly they found themselves nearly drenched with a sticky jade liquid, seeping out from in between Karkat’s digits like water from a tap. He led her down gently, riding out the movements of her hips and his wrist, now slightly (But not regrettably) sore.

Kanaya licked green blood from her lip and opened her eyes, looking up at Karkat. He gently slid his fingers out, soliciting another satisfied gasp, and without hesitation he licked them, wrapping his tongue around every fold of skin that he could find. Kanaya propped herself back up on her elbows.

“This seems so depraved.” She said with a grin.

“Trust me, you’ll see the point. Fucking trust me.” He said, sounding satisfied. Kanaya pushed herself to a sitting position, her legs pleasantly agape. She wanted to take the whole world into her and more, as strange a thought as it was to cross her mind. But she didn’t care. Right now she was more concerned with being awash with afterglow. She adjusted herself, only to find her skirt and the couch damp with the results of their depravity.

“Your couch.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“You’re not going to clean it up?”

“Not immediately, no.”

“Wow, you are kind of fucked up.”

“Bite me.”

“Is that an invitation?” She said coyly, straightening out her skirt and glancing around to search for her previously discarded underpants. She smiled. He smiled back.

“I’d say let’s just keep it to friendly, casual, educational sexual favors between pals rather than me serving as your personal juicebox. You know, I wouldn’t want this to go off the fucking charts of weird or anything.”
“You realize what you just said.”

“Yes, I understand the irony. That’s why I fucking said it, you clod.”

“I… Yes,” she chuckled, “Karkat?” She asked, locking eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for this. As strange and unprecedented as it may have been, this experience was… invaluable.” She said, almost shyly.

“For your relationship with Rose.” Karkat added. Kanaya flushed, feeling suddenly dizzy.

“Yes, of course. To help with my relationship with Rose.” She muttered, shifting her attention away from Karkat. She would have felt humiliated, talking to anyone but Karkat. Even now, she still felt embarrassed. Karkat laughed.
“Yeah, sure. Whatever I can do to help!” He said, half sarcastically. Kanaya rolled her eyes and surveyed her… Friend, she was mostly sure, and noticed a souvenir of their experience.

“Karkat you…” She began, gesturing at the obvious bulge in his pants, “You certainly didn’t get just compensation for these services.” Kanaya said, humorously. Karkat crossed his arms.

“I can deal.”

“Sure.”

“Pfft, right. Like I need to get off every time I do somebody a… favor like that. What do you take me for, some creepy, sex crazed maniac?”

“Do you want the actual answer, or...”

“I prefer honorifics and respect. I could see you excommunicated and executed for this kind of  balls-out ridicule of your superior.” Kanaya laughed. Karkat was frowning, and for once she couldn’t tell if it was his default appearance, or if he was genuinely displeased, somehow. She looked around the room, checking to see if anyone was around. She didn’t even bother feeling foolish in the paranoid jesture. Her lower lip hadn’t healed, but she bit it, again. She sat down next to Karkat, sliding close.

“Well, if you’re so excited about it,” She said, playfully, reaching out and placing a hand on the bulge in Karkat’s pants, “Then why don’t we see what else you can teach me?” She felt so depraved sitting there in her wet skirt, and even more so asking to continue.

“Something tells me that that won’t exactly come in handy in the bedroom. In your bedroom.” Karkat muttered, half surrendered at Kanaya’s touch, now gently sqeezing and groping through the fabric. His hand slowly reached over and grabbed Kanaya’s by the wrist, removing it from his bulge. He looked her in the eye. His gaze was quizzical, almost disapproving, “What happened to salvaging that shitpile of a morass you call matespritship with Rose?”

“You would have to be crazy if you thought that I wouldn’t want to do this right now, of all times.”

“Are you absolutely sure? One hundred percent fucking sure?”

“Do you even need to ask, given how we’ve spent our time this evening?” Kanaya said, assuredly. Her confidence was fooling even herself, though truthfully, she didn’t know what to think. All she knew is that after their… tryst, she couldn’t just leave, “And I can’t see how a little extra research would be detrimental.” Kanaya muttered. Karkat held eye contact with her for a long pause. Eventually, he released her hand, allowing her to touch him again, never breaking eye contact.

“This is so fucked up…” Karkat quietly exclaimed, his words combined with dramatic exhalation.

“And what we just did wasn’t?” She asked. Karkat was silent. She donned a smug half-grin as she undid the button of his pants.

~*~

There's more to this, a few pages that I've written as of now. I could keep going if people want me to, but I didn't want to delay actually giving HSG content for even longer. Hit me up if you'd like more.