DAiE Ch. 5 P. 1 - The Iron Pony

>You are Doctor Anonymous
>And right now?
>Right now is SCIENCE.
>You laugh, maniacally as electricity crackles through your creation.
>Pinkamina gives her best maniacal laugh as well, but it really comes off as more of a giggle.
>At first, she didn't understand why you laughed whenever you worked. But you're fairly certain you've thoroughly inducted her into the ways of SCIENCE.
>When the power cycle ends, you raise your protective goggles and breathe in the sweet smell of ionized gasses.
"Pinkamina! Begin the booting sequence!"
>She nods, still giggling as she throws another switch at the control panel of your haphazard setup.
>The whirring and humming of the machine begins, and it lurches into motion.
"Yes.. it's not alive. IT'S NOT ALIVE, IT'S NOT ALIVE AT ALL!"
>It's been several weeks now, since you've taken Pinkamina as your student, and she's progressed beyond your wildest hopes.
>From a simple hobby inventor to a full-fledged science pony. It makes your heart swell with pride.
>And... something else, which you can't identify and right now don't care to.

>The clopping of hooves signals your student joining you down below as you observe the thing picking itself up.
>She raises a hoof and removes her own goggles, smiling up at you, those blue eyes bright as ever.
>"Is it working, Doc?"
>You can't help but grin at her.
"Look for yourself, Pinkamina. Your very first robot, springing to life before your very eyes."
>And so it is. Servos whirr and gears tick softly as the ferrous, pony-shaped automaton picks itself off the work table.
>She squees at the sight. "It really IS working! It's moving, and thinking, and seeing, and... leaving?"
>Your gaze is pulled away from her to see the iron pony hopping off the table, and walking calmly straight through the brick wall, which crumbles cleanly beneath its impressive strength.
>We can fix that.
>"Why is it leaving, Doc?"
"Well, it's your first attempt, Pinkamina. Sometimes these things go wrong. Y'know, I remember -my- first uncontrollable robot rampage. It almost started a third world war."
>You laugh, reveling in the nostalgia.
>She gives you an incredulous look.
"Uhm... perhaps we'd better go make sure it DOESN'T do that, eh?"

>You do not know who you are.
>And right now, you are walking.
>You do not know why you are walking.
>You do not even process that there might be a reason why you are walking.
>You simply walk.
>You walk, and walk, until you come across a peculiar structure.
>A wooden stand, occupied by a life form. It looks like you, but significantly more fragile in construction.
>The life form tips the strange leather thing on its head to you.
>"Well, howdy partner, why you wearin' that armor on such a hot sunny day, you in the Guard?"
"What is. The guard?"
>The lifeform's expression changes. You do not understand it. "Uhh.. nevermind. You hungry, partner?"
"What is. Hungry?"
>There is a long pause before the lifeform responds.
>"Uhh.. hungry? Do you want something to eat?"
"What is. Eat?"
>The lifeform is very slow to respond. It must be mentally deficient.
>"...when you chew things up and swallow them? Y'know, with your mouth?"
"Eat. Defined. Hunger. Defined. Initiating eat."
>"What? Wh- WHAT IN THE HAY ARE YOU DOING?!"
>You begin to eat. The frail wood of the stand is ground up by your mouth's servos with no issue.
>The lifeform begins to knock on your metal frame, shouting and yelling at you to stop. You would ask what "stop" meant, but you are too busy.
>Eating.

>You are Applejack.
>And right now, you are more confused than a cow on astroturf.
>This strange pony just ate your food stand.
>Even your hardest bucking wouldn't phase him.
>He ate the entire stand.
>And now he's... gnawing on the fence?
"Oh, tarnation, you can't STILL be hungry, can you?"
>Your despondent plea surprisingly gets him to stop.
>"Confirmed. I am no longer hungry."
>Oh thank Celestia.
>"Abandoning mentally deficient lifeform. Seeking new information."
>Wait, WHAT?
>You want to kick this idjit in the head again, but you decide against it since nothing seems to get through his armor.
>Instead, you can only watch as he walks off...
>...straight through your crop.
>Every tree he smashes calmly through sends your gut further down as he makes his merry buckin' way off.
>You can feel your mouth hanging open, but you don't care.
>That feller just ate your stand.
>And is walking.
>Through trees.
>You sit there, dumbfounded, before eventually a voice snaps you out of your stupor.
>"Applejack, wake up!"
>It's Pinkie, the Doctor is there too. They look worried.
>"Applejack, where did he go?"
>You raise a hoof weakly towards his path of destruction.

>You are no longer hungry.
>And right now, you are walking.
>You do not know why you should be walking, but you do know why you ARE walking.
>That last life form identified two words to you. You learned two things.
>This registers as a positive consequence of your actions.
>Learning things, you decide, will be your goal.
>But you won't be learning things from a mentally deficient life form.
>You walk, and walk, before you happen across another lifeform.
>This one is similar in physiology to the last, but has a sharp point on its top.
>It looks at you, before producing a strange noise by inhaling air.
>"Darling! What ARE you doing wearing armor on such a hot day?"
>Immediately the lifeform is upon you. It is batting its eye coverings at you.
>"Are you... in the Guard?"
"What is. The guard?"
>Its entire form sags.
>"Oh. Well, nevermind. If you're not in the Royal Guard, then you simply have no reason to be wearing such garrish armor! Darling, you simply must step into my boutique, we'll get you out of that hot, sweaty metal and into something much more... stylish!"
>She bares her teeth at you. You wonder if this is an act of hostility.
"What is. Stylish?"
>Her expression changes. This lifeform must be hostile. You will comply with its requests as long as you need to.

>You are Rarity.
>And right now, AUUUUUGHH!
>You let out a scream. Your magic is useless against the the armored brute as he trolls around your boutique, grabbing clothes and trying to shove them on over his armor.
>"What is. Stylish? Am I. Stylish?"
>You telekinetically try to retrieve the skirt from his grip before he shoves it over his head, the delicate fabric tearing against the sharp corners of his armor.
"What?! No! You are absolutely not stylish. You are RUINING MY DRESSES!"
>He stops, completely still as some strange noise comes from him.
>"Confirmed. I am not stylish. Confirmed. I am ruining your dresses. Confirmed. I am no longer hungry."
>You choke on your own confusion.
"Wh-what?"
>Abandoning hostile lifeform. Seeking new information."
>You can only watch helplessly as the metal-clad stallion bursts through the wall of your boutique, leaving a pony-shaped hole in your home, and a mess of your work everywhere.

>You are Pinkie Pie.
>And right now, things are really messed up.
>You try to comfort the sobbing Fluttershy as she cries into your shoulder. All of your shooshing and papping cannot clam the storm of tears, however.
>"...a-and then, and then, he started trying to put on all my clothes, and ripping them up, asking if he was styyyyliiiish!"
>The yellow pony sobs deeply into your chest. Meanwhile, the Doc is looking around Fluttershy's house for clues.
"Uhh.. find anything, Doc?"
>He sighs, looking toward you.
>"There is not much to go on. His path has been pretty... obvious thus far. Are you sure you didn't see where he went, Fluttershy?"
>Suddenly, Fluttershy is on the Doctor, her hooves wrapped tightly around his waist and her face buried into his abdomen as she sobs. He freezes up completely.
>Oh, shit.
"Fluttershy!"
>She takes her blushing face away from the Doctor and looks at you, and her tears immediately stop when she sees the look you are giving her.

She immediately pushes away from him and settles down onto the floor, looking away from both of you as she tries to calm down her wingboner.
>She KNOWS how the Doctor feels about being touched, and more importantly she KNOWS how you... ugh, nevermind. She's calmed down now at least.
>"Uhm... well, I didn't see him leave, but I did hear him."
"Yeah? What'd you hear, Flutters?"
>"Well, uhm... it sounded sort of like an... explosion."
>You look to Anon, who shoots you a glare. You know that glare. He gives you that glare whenever you did something he told you not to do.
"...well, I mean. Rockethooves are really cool, right?"
>You give him your cutest smile. He continues to glare at you.
>Smile.
>Glare.
>Smile.
>Glare.
>He sighs, and shakes his head, leaving the room. He cannot say no to you. He is completely under your spell.
>You giggle.

>You are Rainbow Dash.
>And right now, you can't bucking believe you lost.
>You try to catch your breath as the metal pony looks on at you.
"You... you cheated!"
>"What is. Cheating?"
"You didn't win that race! You aren't fast. You.. used some kinda magic!"
>"Confirmed. I did not win the race. Confirmed. I am not fast. False. I do not know the first thing about magic."
>You fall over, not even attempting to understand that.
>"P..piss off, you big armored cheat!"
>The stallion begins to walk away, but is stopped by a familiar voice.
>"WILLIAM."
>Pinkie Pie?
>You prop yourself up, looking at the approaching Pinkie, who has the big egghead guy in tow.
>"William, Pinkamina?"
>"Yeah, that's his name. I decided on the way here."
>Oh god, what are these two talking about? Pinkie has only gotten harder to understand since the Doctor arrived.

>You are Doctor Anonymous.
>And right now, this whole affair is frankly pretty amusing.
>'William' has torn half of Ponyville apart, in an attempt to learn what his purpose is, you've surmised.
>You're a bit sad that you've finally caught him. The robot turns, perhaps instinctively facing its creator.
>Which is impressive, for a machine without instincts.
>"Just what do you have to say for yourself, mister?
>Rainbow stares on in baffled disbelief as the robot hangs on to her every word, listing off what it has learned.
>"I am not fast. I did not win the race. Animals are not my friends. I do not know the first thing about magic. I am not stylish. I an ruining your dresses. I am no longer hungry."
>You struggle to contain your laughter.
>"And I am above all lifeforms."

>What.
>"What?"
"What?"
>"I am above all lifeforms. Lifeforms have proven to be mentally deficient, hostile, noisy, timid, and slow."
>"HEY!"
>You only barely register Dash's protests in the back of your mind.
>"The only information I have learned from lifeforms constitutes their own failings or things I am not. This is insufficient."
>You and Pinkamina can only watch helplessly as the rocket engines in William's hooves begin to fire up.
>"I will return when I have learned more from other sources. I will return when I can win the race. I will return when I am stylish. I will return, when I am not ruining your dresses."
>And with that, he blasts away into the atmosphere, disappearing into the sky's horizon.
>There is a long period of silence as you try to process what just happened. Pinkamina wipes a tear from her eye, leaning against you.
>"They grow up so fast, don't they, Doc?"
"....Pinkamina none of what happened today made any sense."
>"No. No it didn't."
....
"Let's go get something to eat."

>Later that night, you are walking home, carrying Pinkamina on your back.
>When she asked, you had told her with utter confidence, such complete certainty, that you would never, ever give her a piggyback ride.
>But you cannot say no to this mare. You are completely under her spell.
>You sigh, looking up at the pink-maned pony. She's fallen asleep on your back.
>Your face feels especially warm, tonight. Maybe it's because the air is still warm from a hot summer day.
>Maybe it's because there is a wonderful, brilliant, fun pony who trusts you enough to fall asleep in your care.
>Maybe it's because the workshop is on fire.
>What?
>You are broken from your pink trance when you process that final 'maybe'.
>...the workshop is on fire.
>THE WORKSHOP IS ON FIRE.
"pinkamina wake up"
>You look on at the raging inferno that is Pinkamina's workshop, a plume of smoke billowing up into the sky from it.
"pinkamina"
>An explosion, no doubt from one of the many volatile chemicals she keeps stored, does the job of waking her up for you.
>"Wha?! Doc, I-..."
>She looks over your shoulder, her eyes growing wide.
>She's stunned. You're stunned.
>All of your work is burning.