Useless Humans (2020) EN

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Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org

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Doris likes
mine just the way it is.

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I told you to stop
talkin' to me 'bout that.

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00:00:43,393 --> 00:00:44,361
Why the hell you do

5
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somethin' like that to your kid?

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I was that way,
my daddy's that way.

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My daddy's daddy's that way.

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00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,870
And it's sanitary.

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00:00:54,038 --> 00:00:56,007
It's a goddamn myth.

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It looks good too.

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Just ask Charlene.

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Charlene don't know shit.

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Circumcision cuts off
1,000 nerve endings

14
00:01:03,247 --> 00:01:04,714
and some kinda
natural lubricant.

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00:01:04,748 --> 00:01:07,384
Now that'll make fuckin'
Charlene actually tolerable.

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00:01:08,718 --> 00:01:10,221
Why does everybody do it then?

17
00:01:11,388 --> 00:01:13,523
Well some guy who
invented Corn flakes.

18
00:01:13,557 --> 00:01:15,026
Probably to keep kids
from masturbatin'.

19
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C'mon.

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That him?

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Yeah, the blood trail
leads that way, let's go.

22
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Whoa, what the?

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You think
a deer did this?

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Deer?

25
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What the hell?

26
00:01:55,766 --> 00:01:57,101
I do not know.

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00:02:03,107 --> 00:02:05,243
Whoa.

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00:02:05,276 --> 00:02:06,310
What is that?

29
00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:11,082
- Did you hear that?
- What?

30
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- By the trees.
- Nope.

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Oh jeez, there's
more than one.

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So we grab that thing and split.

33
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,095
Could be worth money.

34
00:02:30,801 --> 00:02:31,501
Oh shit.

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00:02:37,975 --> 00:02:40,610
This isn't how the
gypsy said I'd go.

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00:04:28,119 --> 00:04:29,887
The universe is endless.

37
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Cold and impartial.

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We exist because we
fought to be here.

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The universe gave us a chance.

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We grabbed hold, planted
our flag in the ground

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and said, "We belong."

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Survival is fought for.

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Right now ladies and gentlemen,

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we are on a decaying
planet of our own doing.

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00:05:06,623 --> 00:05:07,958
Well one day, Earth

46
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will die

47
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and we as a species will
need to find

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a new home.

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Now greedy corporations and
their puppets in Congress

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are only speeding things up,

51
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so that's why we must act now!

52
00:05:31,148 --> 00:05:33,117
Invest in a Stars
with Skaggs project

53
00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:35,286
for intergalactic travel.

54
00:05:35,319 --> 00:05:38,456
Together, we can discover
unknown pockets of the universe

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00:05:38,489 --> 00:05:42,960
and need mankind to a new
pine-fresh home.

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Your money will make
for a better universe!

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Hi, Kenneth.

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00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:54,004
Hi.

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00:05:54,038 --> 00:05:55,638
What the hell are you doing?

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00:05:55,672 --> 00:05:59,642
I was just rehearsing
for a future presentation

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00:05:59,676 --> 00:06:02,880
for my space travel
company Stars with Skaggs.

62
00:06:04,048 --> 00:06:06,183
That's the dumbest
thing I've ever heard.

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00:06:07,717 --> 00:06:09,820
Have you tested the equipment?

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00:06:09,854 --> 00:06:11,822
I started to.

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I have a lecture in 30 minutes

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and the sound must be
an echo to the senses.

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Right.

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00:06:21,398 --> 00:06:23,033
And have you
replaced the bulbs?

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00:06:24,535 --> 00:06:26,504
You didn't say anything
about replacing the bulbs.

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00:06:26,537 --> 00:06:28,339
I sent you an email last night

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00:06:28,372 --> 00:06:29,840
and I know you were
on your computer

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00:06:29,874 --> 00:06:31,575
because of your
masturbation problem.

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00:06:32,877 --> 00:06:34,378
I wouldn't call it problem.

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Then where are my bulbs?

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00:06:37,714 --> 00:06:40,050
Yeah okay, I'll
get right on it.

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00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:44,721
And the log report: stay
late and finish it, okay?

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00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:48,526
Actually Kenneth, I can't.

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It's my birthday today

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and my friends and
I are goin' on...

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I don't care about
your birthday, okay?!

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You're my assistant and
you're supposed to assist me.

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So do you wanna keep your job

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or do you wanna drink Mai
Tais with your friends?

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- Mai Tais.
- Huh?

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00:07:10,414 --> 00:07:13,117
Oh I'm sorry, was that
not an echo to the senses?

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Mai Tais.

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00:07:18,422 --> 00:07:19,924
Have a good lecture, Kenneth.

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Hey, wait!

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- Come here.
- Whoa, ow.

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God, unhand me.

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Give that to me, you.

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You will never work in
a planetarium again!

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- Jesus, interesting.
- Hey, hey.

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The coat.

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Coat?

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00:07:45,316 --> 00:07:47,251
Here's your coat.

97
00:07:47,284 --> 00:07:48,118
Huh, huh?

98
00:07:49,286 --> 00:07:50,621
Hey, pick it up.

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- C'mon.
- Yeah, okay.

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But I'm leavin' it there.

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Thank you!

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Oh shit.

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00:08:04,134 --> 00:08:06,170
- Hi. Oh oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh jeez.

104
00:08:07,504 --> 00:08:09,440
- Pardon me. Sorry, Tracy.
- Watch it, man.

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00:08:09,473 --> 00:08:10,441
Got a lotta momentum.

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00:08:10,474 --> 00:08:11,275
- I'll see ya.
- Bye, Brian.

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00:08:11,308 --> 00:08:12,943
Never.

108
00:08:12,977 --> 00:08:13,978
Oh my god.

109
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What the?

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You gotta be fuckin'.

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Fuck my life.

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You fucking fuckface.

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Not you.

114
00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:08,832
I don't need to
stand anymore, right?

115
00:09:08,866 --> 00:09:10,834
- Cheese.
- No, you're good.

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We were not
in-sync on that one.

117
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- No.
- No.

118
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- Ooh, but it's adorable.
- Ooh.

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Hey, all right.

120
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Thanks.

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- Alex.
- Stop!

122
00:09:27,384 --> 00:09:29,186
- Thank you.
- Just a little.

123
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- To Brian's birthday!
- Here, here.

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And to the last Leonid
meteor shower together.

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What, the last?

126
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Yeah, the last
year of college.

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We might not have time
to make a yearly trip

128
00:09:42,066 --> 00:09:43,734
once our careers take off.

129
00:09:44,902 --> 00:09:46,370
We could always find time.

130
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I don't know, man.

131
00:09:48,072 --> 00:09:50,708
You'll be busy blowin'
shit up at NASA.

132
00:09:50,741 --> 00:09:53,043
I'll be savin' lives in the OR.

133
00:09:53,077 --> 00:09:56,747
Jess fighting
deforestation in Guatemala.

134
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Alex?

135
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- Well Alex might be free.
- Yeah.

136
00:10:01,952 --> 00:10:03,220
Hey, Louis.

137
00:10:03,253 --> 00:10:05,389
You know, I'm really
disappointed in you.

138
00:10:05,422 --> 00:10:07,391
This is our thing, man.

139
00:10:07,424 --> 00:10:10,427
This has been our thing since
we were in elementary school.

140
00:10:12,764 --> 00:10:14,231
The real world can't
take that away.

141
00:10:14,264 --> 00:10:17,401
My dad
says the real world

142
00:10:17,434 --> 00:10:20,070
is an unforgiving
thief of happiness.

143
00:10:20,104 --> 00:10:23,107
And knowing my
dad, I believe it.

144
00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:26,243
Well, I hereby
declare this not be

145
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the last Leonid meteor shower,

146
00:10:28,278 --> 00:10:30,280
but a yearly continuation
until the day we die.

147
00:10:30,314 --> 00:10:31,949
And I concur.

148
00:10:31,982 --> 00:10:33,584
Yay.

149
00:10:33,617 --> 00:10:34,418
Duke it.

150
00:10:34,451 --> 00:10:35,586
Yup, yup.

151
00:10:35,619 --> 00:10:37,121
- What, what yeah!
- Oh.

152
00:10:38,622 --> 00:10:42,292
- Lest we forget.
- To our yearly meteor break!

153
00:10:42,326 --> 00:10:43,594
I would live to come, you guys.

154
00:10:43,627 --> 00:10:45,764
Oh Frederick, how
are you darling?

155
00:10:45,797 --> 00:10:48,265
But if I don't take care of
my plants, who's going to?

156
00:10:48,298 --> 00:10:49,266
This year is bad.

157
00:10:49,299 --> 00:10:51,101
We can't have little Olaf

158
00:10:51,135 --> 00:10:52,970
freezing his little
butt off, can we?

159
00:10:54,972 --> 00:10:56,273
Hey man, yeah.

160
00:10:56,306 --> 00:11:01,145
Things have been a
little, you know.

161
00:11:01,813 --> 00:11:03,815
Yes!

162
00:11:08,318 --> 00:11:10,154
Yeah, this year is bad.

163
00:11:10,187 --> 00:11:12,322
Yo Brian, d'you see this shit?

164
00:11:12,356 --> 00:11:14,793
20, motherfucker.

165
00:11:14,826 --> 00:11:16,126
- 21.
- No no no no.

166
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,461
Fuck, man.

167
00:11:17,494 --> 00:11:18,629
You fuckin'. No no, you
ain't takin' that shit.

168
00:11:18,662 --> 00:11:19,463
Dude, this year's bad.

169
00:11:19,496 --> 00:11:20,631
No, no.

170
00:11:20,664 --> 00:11:21,665
No!

171
00:11:21,698 --> 00:11:22,666
Faster, people.

172
00:11:22,699 --> 00:11:23,967
We're on a deadline.

173
00:11:24,001 --> 00:11:24,968
Can you bring that
tree over here?

174
00:11:25,002 --> 00:11:26,470
What are you doing?

175
00:11:26,503 --> 00:11:28,338
I told you 15 minutes ago,
that's not how you do that.

176
00:11:28,372 --> 00:11:29,473
You guys, we're
opening the garden.

177
00:11:29,506 --> 00:11:30,674
This year is bad.

178
00:11:30,707 --> 00:11:32,476
C'mon, bring the plant.

179
00:11:32,509 --> 00:11:33,812
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

180
00:11:33,845 --> 00:11:34,978
Ow.

181
00:11:35,012 --> 00:11:36,480
All right,

182
00:11:36,513 --> 00:11:37,481
so we're just gonna have
to make a small incision.

183
00:11:37,514 --> 00:11:38,649
It's gonna be about two inches.

184
00:11:38,682 --> 00:11:39,983
- Incision?
- Shh shh shh.

185
00:11:40,017 --> 00:11:41,820
It's better if you
don't speak, 'kay?

186
00:11:41,853 --> 00:11:42,686
This year's bad.

187
00:11:44,354 --> 00:11:47,491
Oh shit.

188
00:11:47,524 --> 00:11:50,829
How's my ass look from
back there, guys?

189
00:11:50,862 --> 00:11:51,662
This year's bad, man.

190
00:11:51,695 --> 00:11:52,496
This year's bad.

191
00:11:52,529 --> 00:11:53,832
Oh, fuck!

192
00:11:53,865 --> 00:11:55,666
Oh, do you feel cool
with your chainsaws?

193
00:11:55,699 --> 00:11:56,868
I wish I could be there,

194
00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:58,035
but I'm in the middle
of saving the forest.

195
00:11:58,068 --> 00:11:59,403
This year's bad.

196
00:12:02,874 --> 00:12:05,008
My mother
was right about you!

197
00:12:07,044 --> 00:12:08,545
This year's bad.

198
00:12:10,047 --> 00:12:13,083
Dude, last night
was fuckin' epic.

199
00:12:14,551 --> 00:12:15,719
This year's bad.

200
00:12:23,060 --> 00:12:24,561
This year's good.

201
00:13:16,948 --> 00:13:18,282
"Happy birthday, son.

202
00:13:18,315 --> 00:13:20,284
"Your mother and I
could not be more proud.

203
00:13:20,317 --> 00:13:23,086
"30 years old with your
eyes still on the prize.

204
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:24,588
"Don't let it bother
you that Elon Musk

205
00:13:24,621 --> 00:13:28,993
"sold his first company for
$300 million at the age of 26.

206
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:31,595
"Your mother just informed me

207
00:13:31,628 --> 00:13:33,096
"that I shouldn't have
written that last part,

208
00:13:33,130 --> 00:13:36,935
"but I'm using pen and don't
have time to buy another card.

209
00:13:36,968 --> 00:13:38,268
"Just know that we love you

210
00:13:38,302 --> 00:13:39,938
"and enjoy this gift
with your friends.

211
00:13:39,971 --> 00:13:40,772
"I did a little research.

212
00:13:40,805 --> 00:13:42,639
"It's Elon's favorite."

213
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,108
Aww, dad.

214
00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:50,147
Gonna get...

215
00:13:50,647 --> 00:13:51,448
Hello?

216
00:14:09,166 --> 00:14:10,969
You didn't say
shit to me, all right?

217
00:14:11,002 --> 00:14:12,804
I mean it's not like you.

218
00:14:12,837 --> 00:14:15,305
I thought you knew.

219
00:14:15,339 --> 00:14:17,140
No baby, I swear.

220
00:14:17,174 --> 00:14:18,709
I swear we had
this conversation.

221
00:14:20,677 --> 00:14:22,312
'Cause all of you didn't.

222
00:14:23,180 --> 00:14:24,983
Oh surprise, man.

223
00:14:25,016 --> 00:14:26,516
I was gonna surprise you.

224
00:14:26,550 --> 00:14:27,517
I thought you knew.

225
00:14:29,219 --> 00:14:31,154
- Surprise me?
- No, that's...

226
00:14:31,188 --> 00:14:32,322
Are you kidding me?

227
00:14:32,356 --> 00:14:33,657
What kinda fucking
surprise is that?

228
00:14:33,690 --> 00:14:34,993
You leave me alone for
those little monsters?

229
00:14:35,026 --> 00:14:36,660
- I told you last month.
- No, you didn't.

230
00:14:36,693 --> 00:14:37,996
I did.

231
00:14:38,029 --> 00:14:39,329
You never help me anyway

232
00:14:39,363 --> 00:14:41,498
and now you suddenly disappear
and you leave me alone

233
00:14:41,531 --> 00:14:43,166
to go drink with your
high school buddies.

234
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,501
I am alone in this.

235
00:14:44,534 --> 00:14:47,839
Well, I'm here.

236
00:14:47,872 --> 00:14:49,007
Hello?

237
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:49,874
Hello?

238
00:14:53,243 --> 00:14:55,345
Brian Skaggs!

239
00:14:55,379 --> 00:14:58,850
Has it seriously been since
my magical wedding day?

240
00:14:58,883 --> 00:15:00,517
- Hug me.
- Yay!

241
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:04,354
How's LA, man?

242
00:15:04,388 --> 00:15:05,188
Buildin' rockets yet?

243
00:15:05,222 --> 00:15:07,357
Yeah, I mean almost.

244
00:15:07,391 --> 00:15:09,093
I'm goin' through
the right steps.

245
00:15:10,061 --> 00:15:12,229
How's Maggie and the twins?

246
00:15:12,262 --> 00:15:14,564
- That was her on the phone.
- Yeah?

247
00:15:14,598 --> 00:15:15,532
Claims that I didn't tell her

248
00:15:15,565 --> 00:15:17,035
I was leaving for the weekend.

249
00:15:17,068 --> 00:15:17,869
I told her.

250
00:15:17,902 --> 00:15:21,204
I totally told her.

251
00:15:21,238 --> 00:15:23,407
She's still recovering
from the episiotomy,

252
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:24,909
so she's a little.

253
00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:29,379
The doctors made a
slit in her perineum,

254
00:15:29,413 --> 00:15:31,214
the space between
the vagina and anus,

255
00:15:31,248 --> 00:15:33,885
so post partum sex is.

256
00:15:33,918 --> 00:15:35,552
Yeah.

257
00:15:35,585 --> 00:15:37,387
And the twins, I love them.

258
00:15:37,421 --> 00:15:40,223
- Yeah?
- But then I think, do I

259
00:15:40,257 --> 00:15:42,559
or am I just saying that
because it's expected of me?

260
00:15:42,592 --> 00:15:44,896
It's just you know,
I need structure

261
00:15:44,929 --> 00:15:47,065
and babies give fuck
all about structure.

262
00:15:47,098 --> 00:15:48,398
They're anti-structure.

263
00:15:48,432 --> 00:15:51,102
Chaos in diapers,
but I love them.

264
00:15:52,103 --> 00:15:54,072
Everyone says I should.

265
00:15:54,105 --> 00:15:55,773
They just make me
a little.

266
00:16:00,812 --> 00:16:02,446
- Jesus.
- Oh yeah.

267
00:16:02,479 --> 00:16:04,414
Not what you see on
the Christmas cards.

268
00:16:08,953 --> 00:16:10,420
Old wiring.

269
00:16:10,454 --> 00:16:12,456
Speakin' of old wiring,
how's your love life?

270
00:16:12,489 --> 00:16:13,623
Was that a dick joke?

271
00:16:17,327 --> 00:16:19,596
Holy shit, Maggie never
lets me touch this stuff.

272
00:16:19,629 --> 00:16:20,464
This stuff is good.

273
00:16:21,631 --> 00:16:23,266
Well, my dick.

274
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:25,602
Thank you for
asking, by the way,

275
00:16:25,635 --> 00:16:29,439
continues to be dry and lonely.

276
00:16:29,473 --> 00:16:33,978
My game is of the
non-LeBron variety.

277
00:16:35,312 --> 00:16:36,948
Well, maybe this
time you can finish

278
00:16:36,981 --> 00:16:39,117
what you tried to start
with Jess eight years ago.

279
00:16:39,150 --> 00:16:41,152
Jess, what?

280
00:16:41,185 --> 00:16:42,954
No, get outta town.

281
00:16:42,987 --> 00:16:44,122
Jess?

282
00:16:44,155 --> 00:16:45,123
Please.

283
00:16:45,156 --> 00:16:46,791
We're just friends, dawg.

284
00:16:46,824 --> 00:16:47,691
Naw, naw.

285
00:16:51,162 --> 00:16:52,130
Are you having a stroke?

286
00:16:54,999 --> 00:16:56,000
Speak of the devil.

287
00:17:00,004 --> 00:17:01,505
Screw you, Maggie.

288
00:17:09,379 --> 00:17:11,182
Happy escape from
the womb day, old man.

289
00:17:21,058 --> 00:17:22,526
- Hi, Jess.
- Hey.

290
00:17:22,559 --> 00:17:24,061
Jess, look at you bringin' me

291
00:17:26,530 --> 00:17:29,332
a handsome hipster in a Tesla.

292
00:17:29,366 --> 00:17:32,335
Now, this is a farm!

293
00:17:32,369 --> 00:17:35,705
A little red barn, a ducky pond,

294
00:17:35,739 --> 00:17:37,507
a cabin.

295
00:17:37,541 --> 00:17:39,709
I love it here.

296
00:17:43,380 --> 00:17:47,018
Brian, my soulmate's mate.

297
00:17:47,051 --> 00:17:50,554
Brian, Jess has told me so much.

298
00:17:50,587 --> 00:17:54,192
Brian: brilliant engineer,

299
00:17:54,225 --> 00:17:56,560
best of friend.

300
00:17:56,593 --> 00:17:58,863
This is my boyfriend, Zachary.

301
00:17:58,896 --> 00:18:01,199
- Your boyfriend?
- Louis.

302
00:18:01,232 --> 00:18:05,036
Louis, Jess has told me so much.

303
00:18:05,069 --> 00:18:10,041
Louis: brilliant
surgeon, best of friend.

304
00:18:10,074 --> 00:18:11,209
He's a people person.

305
00:18:11,242 --> 00:18:13,410
This place is bahupada.

306
00:18:15,246 --> 00:18:16,247
Is that Hindi?

307
00:18:17,248 --> 00:18:19,749
Did I just speak Hindi?

308
00:18:19,784 --> 00:18:21,718
Sorry.

309
00:18:21,752 --> 00:18:23,386
Lived in West
Bengal for two years

310
00:18:23,420 --> 00:18:26,224
bringing irrigation
technology to the dry lands.

311
00:18:26,257 --> 00:18:28,759
Sometimes I just slip
right back into it.

312
00:18:29,927 --> 00:18:30,761
Right.

313
00:18:32,096 --> 00:18:33,563
Lemme show you where
you're gonna put your bag.

314
00:18:33,597 --> 00:18:34,631
Namaste, Louis.

315
00:18:35,599 --> 00:18:37,567
Love you.

316
00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:38,568
Love you.

317
00:18:38,602 --> 00:18:40,104
Brian.

318
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:44,108
- Hey.
- Hey.

319
00:18:48,112 --> 00:18:49,247
Missed you.

320
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,249
Yeah, it's crazy
that we're back here.

321
00:18:51,282 --> 00:18:52,582
Yeah, finally.

322
00:18:52,616 --> 00:18:53,918
I guess y'all just
couldn't pass up

323
00:18:53,951 --> 00:18:55,920
the opportunity to
watch me wither and die.

324
00:18:55,953 --> 00:18:58,588
- 'Cause you're 30.
- 'Cause I'm 30.

325
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:04,929
Zachary is...

326
00:19:04,962 --> 00:19:06,931
Oh yeah, he couldn't
wait to meet you

327
00:19:06,964 --> 00:19:09,267
'cause I've just been
goin' on and on about you.

328
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:11,102
Oh, on and on.

329
00:19:11,135 --> 00:19:13,271
He's the head
of our non-profit.

330
00:19:13,304 --> 00:19:15,940
- He's your boss?
- He's my boss.

331
00:19:15,973 --> 00:19:17,975
A Tiki bar?!

332
00:19:18,009 --> 00:19:20,945
I love Polynesian culture!

333
00:19:20,978 --> 00:19:22,612
He's excitable.

334
00:19:22,646 --> 00:19:24,282
So tell me about you.

335
00:19:24,315 --> 00:19:26,449
Last I heard, you were
working at a planetarium.

336
00:19:26,483 --> 00:19:28,953
Yes, I was doing that.

337
00:19:28,986 --> 00:19:30,021
But I outgrew that.

338
00:19:31,155 --> 00:19:33,291
- Did you quit?
- No.

339
00:19:33,324 --> 00:19:34,959
- No no no no no.
- Jesus, Brian.

340
00:19:34,992 --> 00:19:36,294
Yeah, I did.

341
00:19:36,327 --> 00:19:37,494
But look.

342
00:19:37,527 --> 00:19:39,462
D'you ever finish
anything you start?

343
00:19:39,496 --> 00:19:41,498
What've I never finished?

344
00:19:47,004 --> 00:19:47,504
Hey.

345
00:19:50,674 --> 00:19:52,176
Take your time.

346
00:19:55,379 --> 00:19:59,150
Uh oh, hide the
women and children.

347
00:19:59,183 --> 00:20:01,185
That enough beer?

348
00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:02,053
No.

349
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,689
Like we never left.

350
00:20:15,532 --> 00:20:16,666
Cool if I VenMo You?

351
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:17,534
For what?

352
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:20,404
These tickets to a shit show.

353
00:20:37,721 --> 00:20:39,522
Alice, come look at this.

354
00:20:39,556 --> 00:20:41,192
Chum.

355
00:20:41,225 --> 00:20:43,693
You're really gonna
make me call you that?

356
00:20:43,727 --> 00:20:46,529
If you wanna catch a shark,
you gotta chum the waters.

357
00:20:46,563 --> 00:20:48,366
Oh, we're not after a shark

358
00:20:48,399 --> 00:20:50,533
and we're in the
middle of the country.

359
00:20:50,567 --> 00:20:52,203
Same logic applies.

360
00:20:52,236 --> 00:20:53,703
Fine, Chum.

361
00:20:53,737 --> 00:20:54,571
Look at this.

362
00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:04,748
It's blood.

363
00:21:05,950 --> 00:21:08,886
It's like staring
into the cosmos.

364
00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:10,755
Blood cells were stars.

365
00:21:12,589 --> 00:21:14,392
It's kinda pretty

366
00:21:14,425 --> 00:21:16,927
the way you put that
all sciency and poetic.

367
00:21:19,096 --> 00:21:20,563
Usually I trek alone.

368
00:21:20,597 --> 00:21:22,565
Apparently I need a smartypants

369
00:21:22,599 --> 00:21:24,068
do to their non-human
nature of the job.

370
00:21:24,101 --> 00:21:26,070
What's worth all this debt?

371
00:21:26,103 --> 00:21:27,772
Don't matter what it is.

372
00:21:27,805 --> 00:21:29,940
What matters is our
employer wants it back.

373
00:21:29,974 --> 00:21:31,242
So you're here to
make sense of things

374
00:21:31,275 --> 00:21:33,077
so that I can eliminate things.

375
00:21:45,456 --> 00:21:46,457
It's so beautiful.

376
00:21:47,491 --> 00:21:49,927
So goddamn beautiful.

377
00:21:53,297 --> 00:21:55,632
To Brian, a
brilliant gentleman.

378
00:21:55,665 --> 00:21:57,435
And relentless panty-dropper.

379
00:21:57,468 --> 00:21:59,270
Adjective and a noun.

380
00:22:00,637 --> 00:22:01,772
- Brian.
- To Brian.

381
00:22:05,509 --> 00:22:08,112
Let's get drunk!

382
00:22:11,182 --> 00:22:13,451
Getting old sucks.

383
00:22:13,484 --> 00:22:16,487
Suddenly hydration has
become very important.

384
00:22:23,994 --> 00:22:27,865
People
call me a sir now.

385
00:22:29,834 --> 00:22:30,868
Do I look like a sir?

386
00:22:32,002 --> 00:22:33,003
Know what I hate?

387
00:22:34,671 --> 00:22:36,307
Nose hairs.

388
00:22:36,340 --> 00:22:37,842
I'll tell 'em,

389
00:22:37,875 --> 00:22:39,676
"I'm a sir in the sheets

390
00:22:40,511 --> 00:22:43,814
"and a mister on the streets."

391
00:22:43,848 --> 00:22:48,319
And hemorrhoids,
those also suck.

392
00:22:48,352 --> 00:22:52,323
I say shit like, "The kids,"
and "You call that music?

393
00:22:52,356 --> 00:22:53,858
"I call that noise."

394
00:22:53,891 --> 00:22:57,694
I watched Fox News
once and I liked it.

395
00:22:59,029 --> 00:23:00,663
Like I know they
supposed to droop,

396
00:23:00,697 --> 00:23:03,834
but it's like my
balls drop twice.

397
00:23:03,868 --> 00:23:06,070
I feel wasted.

398
00:23:10,574 --> 00:23:14,378
You had like one beer.

399
00:23:14,411 --> 00:23:16,013
He doesn't really
drink that much

400
00:23:16,046 --> 00:23:17,515
and I told him when
we get together,

401
00:23:17,548 --> 00:23:20,084
we're total lushes and he
didn't wanna be left out.

402
00:23:22,219 --> 00:23:24,522
I feel like I can see my face

403
00:23:24,555 --> 00:23:27,057
wavin' to me from another state.

404
00:23:28,225 --> 00:23:29,059
Like a

405
00:23:31,228 --> 00:23:32,695
state of Wyoming.

406
00:23:32,729 --> 00:23:35,366
Hello, face from
Wyoming.

407
00:23:35,399 --> 00:23:38,701
I usually shit on guys
like ZDogg over here,

408
00:23:38,735 --> 00:23:41,539
but somehow this
motherfucker makes it work.

409
00:23:41,572 --> 00:23:43,207
Pound it.

410
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,375
Beer pound!

411
00:23:44,408 --> 00:23:46,410
- Beer pound.
- Beer pound.

412
00:23:49,780 --> 00:23:50,881
Oh, oh.

413
00:23:50,915 --> 00:23:52,216
- Brian.
- Fuck, I'm sorry.

414
00:23:52,249 --> 00:23:53,384
Brian Brian Brian Brian.

415
00:23:53,417 --> 00:23:54,552
Here, here, come here.

416
00:23:54,585 --> 00:23:56,053
Oh no, please
don't touch me, man.

417
00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:57,221
No no no no.

418
00:23:57,254 --> 00:23:58,721
Just help me
pick the best one.

419
00:23:58,756 --> 00:24:00,224
Yeah, I really don't think
I'm qualified for that.

420
00:24:00,257 --> 00:24:01,225
Okay, see look.

421
00:24:01,258 --> 00:24:03,060
In this one, I'm
not fully erect,

422
00:24:03,093 --> 00:24:04,428
but I like my facial expression.

423
00:24:04,461 --> 00:24:07,398
However, in this
one I'm rock solid,

424
00:24:07,431 --> 00:24:09,233
but what am I
doin' with my lips?

425
00:24:09,266 --> 00:24:12,403
Oh yeah, no you got
a landing strip there.

426
00:24:12,436 --> 00:24:14,071
Yeah, man.

427
00:24:14,104 --> 00:24:15,573
That's tough.

428
00:24:15,606 --> 00:24:18,275
I think probably the
second one with the lips.

429
00:24:18,309 --> 00:24:19,109
Improve it.

430
00:24:19,143 --> 00:24:19,944
You could do that.

431
00:24:19,977 --> 00:24:20,778
You're right.

432
00:24:20,811 --> 00:24:22,079
Stellar cock.

433
00:24:22,112 --> 00:24:23,614
I know, right?

434
00:24:23,647 --> 00:24:24,949
All right, number two.

435
00:24:26,116 --> 00:24:28,953
So Jess likes that
type of thing, huh?

436
00:24:28,986 --> 00:24:29,787
No.

437
00:24:29,820 --> 00:24:30,788
No, god not Jess.

438
00:24:32,957 --> 00:24:35,759
Ooh we're cool, right?

439
00:24:35,793 --> 00:24:39,964
I mean, dicks are just dicks
and pics are just pics.

440
00:24:41,498 --> 00:24:43,801
Yeah whatever, man.

441
00:24:45,469 --> 00:24:46,804
It's all yours, Bri-town.

442
00:24:48,639 --> 00:24:50,307
Oh shit, my dick was out.

443
00:24:55,646 --> 00:24:57,181
Putting her down for that one.

444
00:24:59,316 --> 00:25:02,453
Never have I ever
gotten a B in school.

445
00:25:02,486 --> 00:25:03,988
Nope.

446
00:25:05,522 --> 00:25:07,958
What, never got a B in school?

447
00:25:07,992 --> 00:25:10,494
Never got an A
either.

448
00:25:10,527 --> 00:25:12,463
Really haven't got with it.

449
00:25:12,496 --> 00:25:13,797
In my school, we just
did for participation.

450
00:25:13,831 --> 00:25:14,632
We had no grades.

451
00:25:14,665 --> 00:25:16,300
Okay okay okay.

452
00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:20,537
Never have I ever used
grape jelly as a lubricant.

453
00:25:22,706 --> 00:25:24,508
And it worked "grape"

454
00:25:26,176 --> 00:25:28,479
You know that's a
recipe for UTI, right?

455
00:25:28,512 --> 00:25:29,980
- Okay Bri, Bri.
- To the kidneys and the liver

456
00:25:30,014 --> 00:25:31,315
and it can cause
some serious damage.

457
00:25:31,348 --> 00:25:32,483
Your turn.

458
00:25:32,516 --> 00:25:33,317
- Oh, Brian's turn.
- Brian's turn.

459
00:25:33,350 --> 00:25:34,318
♪ Birthday Bri time ♪

460
00:25:34,351 --> 00:25:35,185
♪ Birthday Brian ♪

461
00:25:35,219 --> 00:25:36,153
♪ It's Brian's birthday ♪

462
00:25:36,186 --> 00:25:38,489
♪ Get on the Brian train ♪

463
00:25:38,522 --> 00:25:39,657
Choo choo!

464
00:25:39,690 --> 00:25:41,158
You go go go
go, say something.

465
00:25:41,191 --> 00:25:42,359
Say something.

466
00:25:44,061 --> 00:25:46,497
Never have I ever sent
a dick pic to someone

467
00:25:46,530 --> 00:25:48,499
while my girlfriend
was in the next room.

468
00:25:48,532 --> 00:25:51,068
Finger
comin' down, drinkin'.

469
00:25:55,406 --> 00:25:57,007
No, I'm not drinkin'.

470
00:25:57,041 --> 00:25:58,175
Well this went downhill fast.

471
00:25:58,208 --> 00:25:59,343
What?

472
00:25:59,376 --> 00:26:01,178
- Oh whoa.
- What is that?

473
00:26:01,211 --> 00:26:05,182
- What the hell just happened?
- Oh, did I blackout already?

474
00:26:05,215 --> 00:26:06,350
It's just
a power outage.

475
00:26:06,383 --> 00:26:08,185
From what?

476
00:26:08,218 --> 00:26:09,853
Guys, there's something
wrong with my phone.

477
00:26:09,887 --> 00:26:11,722
I mean what could do that?

478
00:26:12,890 --> 00:26:13,891
Take out our phones.

479
00:26:15,225 --> 00:26:16,060
Here.

480
00:26:16,894 --> 00:26:18,529
I don't know.

481
00:26:18,562 --> 00:26:20,864
It could be an energy not
confined to a local force,

482
00:26:20,898 --> 00:26:23,233
so it's something non-linear

483
00:26:23,267 --> 00:26:26,704
that would allow
aperiodic behaviors.

484
00:26:26,737 --> 00:26:29,206
That sorta behavior
is no longer acceptable

485
00:26:29,239 --> 00:26:30,407
In a dating world.

486
00:26:31,442 --> 00:26:33,377
I'm talkin' about
multiple stable states;

487
00:26:33,410 --> 00:26:34,411
symmetry-breaking

488
00:26:36,747 --> 00:26:37,581
chaos.

489
00:26:38,749 --> 00:26:41,051
Well, I imagine all
scientific theories

490
00:26:41,085 --> 00:26:43,921
are better expanded upon
with the lights back on.

491
00:26:43,954 --> 00:26:45,923
Yeah, the fuse box
is in the garage.

492
00:26:48,592 --> 00:26:50,561
All right, who
wants to go with me?

493
00:26:50,594 --> 00:26:52,596
I'll go with you, bro.

494
00:26:53,765 --> 00:26:56,734
- Fantastic.
- Fantastic,

495
00:26:56,768 --> 00:26:57,769
indeed.

496
00:26:59,103 --> 00:27:00,270
What the fuck, Bri?

497
00:27:00,304 --> 00:27:01,572
You totally threw
me under the bus.

498
00:27:01,605 --> 00:27:02,740
Yeah?

499
00:27:02,774 --> 00:27:04,241
Well, that's how we
do things in Bri-Town.

500
00:27:04,274 --> 00:27:05,409
What?

501
00:27:05,442 --> 00:27:06,744
Fuck.

502
00:27:06,778 --> 00:27:10,247
Your parents voted
for Bush?

503
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,250
Hey, look you're
cheating on my best friend.

504
00:27:13,283 --> 00:27:15,252
So don't try to take the
moral high-ground now.

505
00:27:15,285 --> 00:27:17,421
Sending dick pics
isn't cheating.

506
00:27:17,454 --> 00:27:19,089
It's like sending
out your resume

507
00:27:19,123 --> 00:27:20,792
while you still have a job.

508
00:27:20,825 --> 00:27:23,795
I'm not actively working
for another company.

509
00:27:23,828 --> 00:27:27,097
That's actively
looking for another job.

510
00:27:27,131 --> 00:27:30,300
- That's pre-cheating.
- Pre meaning before.

511
00:27:30,334 --> 00:27:31,770
Before cheating.

512
00:27:31,803 --> 00:27:33,103
Before.

513
00:27:33,137 --> 00:27:35,105
Well you better
get outta my way

514
00:27:35,139 --> 00:27:38,942
before I make a fist
and pre-punch you.

515
00:27:38,976 --> 00:27:42,814
Hey if Jess leaves
me because of this,

516
00:27:42,847 --> 00:27:44,982
I will pre-find
out where you live

517
00:27:45,015 --> 00:27:47,819
and I will pre-ruin your life.

518
00:27:48,986 --> 00:27:50,154
Yeah?

519
00:27:50,187 --> 00:27:52,322
Well I'll have pre-set
booby traps waiting.

520
00:27:52,356 --> 00:27:53,991
And I'll have predicted that.

521
00:27:54,024 --> 00:27:55,993
- Pre-fuck you.
- Pre-fuck you, man.

522
00:27:56,026 --> 00:27:57,327
- Pre-fuck you.
- I'll pre-fuck you.

523
00:27:57,361 --> 00:27:58,996
- No.
- Pre-fuck you.

524
00:28:03,167 --> 00:28:04,501
To be continued.

525
00:28:09,706 --> 00:28:11,975
Hey, you all right?

526
00:28:12,009 --> 00:28:14,344
I don't know
why I'm surprised.

527
00:28:14,378 --> 00:28:17,147
I chose Zach for the same
reason I chose every guy.

528
00:28:17,181 --> 00:28:18,348
Knew it wouldn't last.

529
00:28:19,683 --> 00:28:22,186
Yeah 'cause you've always
been in love with Brian.

530
00:28:23,855 --> 00:28:25,689
Brian, what?

531
00:28:25,722 --> 00:28:26,825
Get outta town.

532
00:28:26,858 --> 00:28:28,392
We're just friends, dawg.

533
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:30,829
Nah.

534
00:28:30,862 --> 00:28:32,162
Okay.

535
00:28:39,703 --> 00:28:41,205
Stuff really that bad for you?

536
00:28:42,874 --> 00:28:43,842
I don't know.

537
00:28:45,877 --> 00:28:48,545
I think I just got caught up
in what was expected of me.

538
00:28:49,580 --> 00:28:50,882
Never had that problem.

539
00:28:55,586 --> 00:28:56,420
Chaos.

540
00:28:57,254 --> 00:28:59,389
Strange burn pattern.

541
00:29:01,759 --> 00:29:04,394
It was a ghost of Bush/Cheney.

542
00:29:06,730 --> 00:29:07,531
What was that?

543
00:29:07,564 --> 00:29:08,365
Did you hear that?

544
00:29:08,398 --> 00:29:09,868
Yeah.

545
00:29:09,901 --> 00:29:12,369
All right, maybe we
should get the fuck.

546
00:29:21,411 --> 00:29:22,914
You were saying?

547
00:29:29,620 --> 00:29:30,420
Jess, Jess.

548
00:29:30,454 --> 00:29:31,421
Come on, right now.

549
00:29:31,455 --> 00:29:32,256
- Life or death, let's go.
- What?

550
00:29:32,289 --> 00:29:33,090
We're leaving.

551
00:29:33,123 --> 00:29:34,391
Come on, let's go.

552
00:29:36,593 --> 00:29:37,394
Ow.

553
00:29:38,930 --> 00:29:39,730
Fuck you.

554
00:29:39,764 --> 00:29:40,597
Fuck all of you.

555
00:29:44,268 --> 00:29:45,770
What the hell was that?

556
00:29:47,104 --> 00:29:48,438
We mighta seen a monster.

557
00:29:49,941 --> 00:29:52,242
Pretty damn sure that I'm
not the bad guy around here.

558
00:29:54,779 --> 00:29:57,247
I mean I bring food to starving
people around the world.

559
00:30:02,286 --> 00:30:03,253
Not cool.

560
00:30:03,287 --> 00:30:04,121
Leave my shit.

561
00:30:08,125 --> 00:30:09,159
C'mon, c'mon.

562
00:30:20,637 --> 00:30:21,471
Zach!

563
00:30:30,647 --> 00:30:31,950
- Fuck!
- Jesus, he's cut.

564
00:30:31,983 --> 00:30:33,650
- What the?
- Don't fall asleep, okay?

565
00:30:33,684 --> 00:30:37,487
- Stay with me, Bri.
- Oh wow, disgusting.

566
00:30:37,521 --> 00:30:39,289
Landline!

567
00:30:39,323 --> 00:30:40,324
Stay with
me, don't fall asleep.

568
00:30:40,357 --> 00:30:41,625
Portable.

569
00:30:41,658 --> 00:30:42,827
Don't fall
asleep on me, okay?

570
00:30:42,860 --> 00:30:43,627
Why does it have
to be the portable?

571
00:30:43,660 --> 00:30:45,128
Stay with me.

572
00:30:45,162 --> 00:30:46,296
There's blood everywhere.

573
00:30:46,330 --> 00:30:47,464
We need to get him
to the hospital.

574
00:30:47,497 --> 00:30:48,967
- Jess, we don't even know what's.
- Now!

575
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:49,801
Now, help me.

576
00:30:49,834 --> 00:30:50,634
Help me.

577
00:30:52,336 --> 00:30:53,972
Watch it you're already
hurting.

578
00:30:54,005 --> 00:30:55,672
- Louis, c'mon.
- Whoa.

579
00:30:55,706 --> 00:30:56,841
I ain't goin' out there.

580
00:30:56,874 --> 00:30:57,674
Look at him.

581
00:30:57,708 --> 00:30:58,977
Look at those marks.

582
00:30:59,010 --> 00:31:00,310
Please don't be that
preachy coward character

583
00:31:00,344 --> 00:31:01,813
that annoys everyone.

584
00:31:01,846 --> 00:31:05,682
They always die first and I
don't want you to die, buddy.

585
00:31:05,716 --> 00:31:06,516
Okay?

586
00:31:07,684 --> 00:31:09,854
Okay.

587
00:31:11,688 --> 00:31:13,323
- I wanna go in the car.
- All right, c'mon.

588
00:31:13,357 --> 00:31:14,993
It's okay, you're gonna be okay.

589
00:31:16,193 --> 00:31:17,862
- You're gonna make it.
- Okay.

590
00:31:17,895 --> 00:31:18,830
Now get in the back.

591
00:31:18,863 --> 00:31:20,497
- Shit.
- What?

592
00:31:20,530 --> 00:31:22,666
Should we grab some roadies?

593
00:31:22,699 --> 00:31:24,334
Dude, he is dying.

594
00:31:24,368 --> 00:31:26,004
Get in the back seat.

595
00:31:26,037 --> 00:31:27,537
- You first.
- Oh, no no no.

596
00:31:30,207 --> 00:31:32,043
All right, all right.

597
00:31:33,377 --> 00:31:35,178
Watch your foot.

598
00:31:37,214 --> 00:31:39,182
It's just the brake.

599
00:31:39,216 --> 00:31:40,852
What?

600
00:31:40,885 --> 00:31:43,520
- Shit.
- What the fuck was that?

601
00:31:43,553 --> 00:31:45,056
- My god.
- What, why?

602
00:31:47,091 --> 00:31:48,358
I have to poop.

603
00:31:48,392 --> 00:31:49,693
I have to poop
when I get nervous.

604
00:31:49,726 --> 00:31:51,561
Battery's fried.

605
00:31:51,595 --> 00:31:53,363
What's wrong
with your car, man?

606
00:31:53,397 --> 00:31:54,899
- Well shit.
- Alex?

607
00:31:56,901 --> 00:31:57,701
You stay there.

608
00:31:57,734 --> 00:31:58,535
Stay there, okay?

609
00:31:58,568 --> 00:32:00,737
We'll be right back.

610
00:32:03,775 --> 00:32:05,910
My hog seems to have
met the same fate.

611
00:32:07,244 --> 00:32:09,713
That's exactly what
the fusebox looked like.

612
00:32:09,746 --> 00:32:13,717
I always imagine me and her
goin' out at the same time.

613
00:32:13,751 --> 00:32:17,220
Wind in my hair, butt-naked
as I drive off the edge of a-.

614
00:32:18,122 --> 00:32:20,557
Did you hear that?

615
00:32:20,590 --> 00:32:22,259
- Back inside.
- Back inside.

616
00:32:23,260 --> 00:32:25,897
C'mon, let's go.

617
00:32:25,930 --> 00:32:27,397
He's okay, he's okay.

618
00:32:27,431 --> 00:32:28,900
Just put him on
the coffee table.

619
00:32:30,768 --> 00:32:32,937
Okay, get the.

620
00:32:32,970 --> 00:32:34,105
Louis, help!

621
00:32:36,140 --> 00:32:37,741
Oh my god, anytime!

622
00:32:40,444 --> 00:32:42,947
- Oh god.
- You're gonna be okay.

623
00:32:42,980 --> 00:32:44,748
Why's he touching me?

624
00:32:44,782 --> 00:32:46,084
No, don't touch me.

625
00:32:46,117 --> 00:32:47,752
Okay, we need to get
the power back on

626
00:32:47,785 --> 00:32:49,754
so we can charge the
phone and call for help.

627
00:32:49,787 --> 00:32:51,254
Okay, is there a generator?

628
00:32:51,288 --> 00:32:52,422
In the shed.

629
00:32:52,456 --> 00:32:54,291
- Okay, let's go.
- Wait, I mean.

630
00:32:55,793 --> 00:32:57,095
The shed, it's outside.

631
00:32:57,128 --> 00:32:58,930
- It's in the dark.
- Yeah, take your flashlight.

632
00:32:58,963 --> 00:33:00,098
Right, yeah.

633
00:33:00,131 --> 00:33:01,966
No, that's exactly
what I was thinking.

634
00:33:01,999 --> 00:33:05,268
Louis while we're doin'
that outside in the dark,

635
00:33:05,302 --> 00:33:08,605
- you stop the bleeding.
- No no no, I'm not sure.

636
00:33:08,638 --> 00:33:10,307
- What?
- I'm not sure.

637
00:33:13,677 --> 00:33:14,946
Dude, what the fuck?

638
00:33:14,979 --> 00:33:16,114
Just gimme a minute.

639
00:33:16,147 --> 00:33:17,815
We don't have a minute, Louis.

640
00:33:19,150 --> 00:33:20,283
Come on, dude.

641
00:33:20,317 --> 00:33:21,786
- You're amazing.
- Okay okay okay.

642
00:33:21,819 --> 00:33:23,788
It's okay.

643
00:33:29,526 --> 00:33:30,995
I see.

644
00:33:31,028 --> 00:33:33,330
Yeah, the problem appears
to be these three cuts.

645
00:33:34,165 --> 00:33:35,133
No shit.

646
00:33:35,166 --> 00:33:36,299
Can you stop the bleeding?

647
00:33:36,333 --> 00:33:39,469
- Who, me?
- You, yeah.

648
00:33:39,503 --> 00:33:40,337
Yeah.

649
00:33:44,008 --> 00:33:45,143
- I'm not a surgeon.
- You're not a surgeon.

650
00:33:45,176 --> 00:33:46,510
- I'm not a surgeon.
- You're not a surgeon?

651
00:33:46,543 --> 00:33:47,979
I found out in medical school

652
00:33:48,012 --> 00:33:49,479
I didn't have the
stomach for it.

653
00:33:49,513 --> 00:33:51,983
Blood makes me
queasy as fuck.

654
00:33:52,016 --> 00:33:53,818
You're not a surgeon?

655
00:33:53,851 --> 00:33:55,019
I'm an optometrist.

656
00:33:55,052 --> 00:33:55,987
Christ, Louis.

657
00:33:56,020 --> 00:33:57,320
He doesn't need an eye exam.

658
00:33:57,354 --> 00:33:58,189
I've got this.

659
00:33:59,689 --> 00:34:00,825
What?

660
00:34:00,858 --> 00:34:02,492
- What's he doing?
- Be gentle.

661
00:34:10,700 --> 00:34:13,838
Okay.

662
00:34:13,871 --> 00:34:16,207
Brian.

663
00:34:16,240 --> 00:34:17,674
You don't gotta look.

664
00:34:17,707 --> 00:34:19,010
But you gotta hold
these wounds together

665
00:34:19,043 --> 00:34:20,211
while I glue them, okay?

666
00:34:21,045 --> 00:34:21,879
Now, bro!

667
00:34:22,746 --> 00:34:24,048
Okay okay okay.

668
00:34:29,086 --> 00:34:29,887
Yeah, that's good.

669
00:34:29,921 --> 00:34:31,354
That's good.

670
00:34:31,388 --> 00:34:32,190
- No, I'm not ready.
- No, I don't wanna look.

671
00:34:32,223 --> 00:34:33,024
I don't wanna look.

672
00:34:33,057 --> 00:34:35,193
I don't wanna look.

673
00:34:35,226 --> 00:34:38,062
Alex, where did
you learn to do this?

674
00:34:39,263 --> 00:34:40,097
Coachella.

675
00:34:41,565 --> 00:34:43,733
- Okay, good job.
- We're gonna go.

676
00:34:43,768 --> 00:34:44,568
Bye.

677
00:34:44,601 --> 00:34:45,870
Really.

678
00:34:45,903 --> 00:34:47,205
Pullin' it together literally.

679
00:35:00,617 --> 00:35:03,054
Am I keeping it
steady enough for you?

680
00:35:03,087 --> 00:35:04,588
Yes, thank you.

681
00:35:04,621 --> 00:35:07,091
Well, you been staring
into that microscope

682
00:35:07,124 --> 00:35:08,558
for a while instead of engaging

683
00:35:08,592 --> 00:35:10,727
in time-passing conversation.

684
00:35:10,761 --> 00:35:12,063
At least throw me a bone.

685
00:35:14,765 --> 00:35:15,565
The blood.

686
00:35:15,599 --> 00:35:16,733
It's the cells.

687
00:35:16,767 --> 00:35:18,735
They're giving off
an electrical charge.

688
00:35:18,769 --> 00:35:20,938
You say that like you
admire the creature.

689
00:35:22,273 --> 00:35:25,076
I just like the opportunity
to understand it better.

690
00:35:25,109 --> 00:35:27,245
The deeper you try to
understand something,

691
00:35:27,278 --> 00:35:28,946
the more gray area
you're gonna unlock.

692
00:35:28,980 --> 00:35:30,915
Gray area equals hesitation.

693
00:35:30,948 --> 00:35:33,951
Hesitation gets us all fucked.

694
00:35:33,985 --> 00:35:35,786
Sounds like my
last relationship.

695
00:35:37,955 --> 00:35:39,290
Damn Wendy, you're funny

696
00:35:40,457 --> 00:35:41,625
but you're also naive.

697
00:35:43,127 --> 00:35:45,629
That device in the wrong hands
does neither of us a service.

698
00:35:46,630 --> 00:35:47,999
Mama wants to get paid too.

699
00:35:49,967 --> 00:35:52,602
Well I could better
understand what we're tracking

700
00:35:52,636 --> 00:35:54,105
if I knew more about the device.

701
00:35:54,138 --> 00:35:55,973
That's above both
our pay grades,

702
00:35:56,807 --> 00:35:58,943
but you saw the corpses.

703
00:35:58,976 --> 00:36:00,677
Whatever it is, we
need to stop it.

704
00:36:03,147 --> 00:36:04,782
Just tell me about that monster.

705
00:36:04,815 --> 00:36:05,950
Honey, let's
stop for a second.

706
00:36:05,983 --> 00:36:07,952
- Why's that?
- Because it glowed.

707
00:36:07,985 --> 00:36:09,787
Oh, of course it did.

708
00:36:09,820 --> 00:36:10,955
The cuts on Zachary's chest.

709
00:36:10,988 --> 00:36:12,290
Well, I believe
you saw something.

710
00:36:12,323 --> 00:36:14,325
I'm just not ready to
go full-monster yet.

711
00:36:19,830 --> 00:36:20,998
Okay, we're good.

712
00:36:21,032 --> 00:36:22,800
Just try not to pass out on me

713
00:36:22,833 --> 00:36:24,668
before we get the power back on.

714
00:36:26,503 --> 00:36:28,306
Jess, that was eight years ago

715
00:36:28,339 --> 00:36:30,808
and look I was nervous
because I have.

716
00:36:30,841 --> 00:36:33,311
Yeah and that led to gin shots.

717
00:36:33,344 --> 00:36:35,346
Gin is a vile nemesis.

718
00:36:37,181 --> 00:36:38,481
D'you ever wonder
what would've happened

719
00:36:38,515 --> 00:36:40,851
if you hadn't passed
out that night?

720
00:36:42,887 --> 00:36:44,989
Ah, all right.

721
00:36:45,022 --> 00:36:49,160
- Voila.
- Jesus.

722
00:36:49,193 --> 00:36:51,528
- Does it still work?
- I don't see why not.

723
00:36:54,231 --> 00:36:56,033
Pull it like
someone in their 20s.

724
00:37:00,037 --> 00:37:01,671
All right, here we go.

725
00:37:01,705 --> 00:37:02,840
All right, here we go.

726
00:37:02,873 --> 00:37:04,008
- Oh god.
- Shit.

727
00:37:04,041 --> 00:37:05,709
I think it's outta gas.

728
00:37:07,577 --> 00:37:09,847
Maybe we can siphon some fuel.

729
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:10,881
Zachary's car!

730
00:37:10,915 --> 00:37:12,549
- Electric.
- Ah, shit.

731
00:37:12,582 --> 00:37:13,384
Right.

732
00:37:13,417 --> 00:37:14,251
Damn you, Elon.

733
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:18,022
Oh, Alex has a
gas-guzzling hog.

734
00:37:18,055 --> 00:37:21,359
- Okay, what do we do?
- Grab that.

735
00:37:21,392 --> 00:37:22,860
Okay.

736
00:37:22,893 --> 00:37:24,362
You know, I should've
stayed in Miami.

737
00:37:24,395 --> 00:37:25,562
Maggie and the kids.

738
00:37:26,764 --> 00:37:28,933
My sweet, sweet,
sweet wife and kids.

739
00:37:30,267 --> 00:37:31,268
Success.

740
00:37:33,237 --> 00:37:35,039
Is he going to live?

741
00:37:35,072 --> 00:37:36,740
I'm not a doctor.

742
00:37:37,741 --> 00:37:38,575
What are you?

743
00:37:39,777 --> 00:37:40,577
Thirsty.

744
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:43,914
Right there.

745
00:37:54,258 --> 00:37:55,426
Why'd you lie?

746
00:37:59,096 --> 00:38:00,730
I didn't mean to.

747
00:38:00,765 --> 00:38:03,733
Just lied once to buy some time,

748
00:38:03,768 --> 00:38:04,935
then again to buy a little more

749
00:38:04,969 --> 00:38:06,237
and before you know it, I was...

750
00:38:06,270 --> 00:38:09,106
You got a Technicolor
Dreamcoat made of lies

751
00:38:09,140 --> 00:38:13,077
and everyone's all, "Damn,
that's a fuckin' nice coat."

752
00:38:13,110 --> 00:38:15,813
And you're like, "Damn right,
this shit's snakeskin."

753
00:38:17,114 --> 00:38:19,950
But you know it's salamander.

754
00:38:24,621 --> 00:38:26,991
Optometry is a noble profession.

755
00:38:28,492 --> 00:38:32,263
You know they say the eyes
are the window to the soul,

756
00:38:32,296 --> 00:38:36,133
so that makes you a soul doctor.

757
00:38:37,634 --> 00:38:39,970
What the fuck
does that even mean?

758
00:38:41,505 --> 00:38:43,274
I think you're a little
more qualified for this one.

759
00:38:43,307 --> 00:38:44,275
I'm not.

760
00:38:44,308 --> 00:38:45,309
What's that supposed to mean?

761
00:38:45,342 --> 00:38:46,310
Well, you know.

762
00:38:52,016 --> 00:38:53,616
Siphoning gas has
a lot more in common

763
00:38:53,650 --> 00:38:56,153
with drinking a milkshake
than sucking dick, dick.

764
00:38:57,488 --> 00:38:59,156
Hey, I didn't know that.

765
00:39:00,825 --> 00:39:02,659
Look, listen.

766
00:39:02,692 --> 00:39:04,295
I'm sorry about.

767
00:39:04,328 --> 00:39:06,530
It wasn't my place to
call out your boyfriend.

768
00:39:07,498 --> 00:39:08,799
My boyfriend who's gonna die

769
00:39:08,833 --> 00:39:10,835
if we don't get gas
in that generator.

770
00:39:11,869 --> 00:39:12,702
Okay.

771
00:39:16,173 --> 00:39:18,142
I shouldn't have brought him.

772
00:39:18,175 --> 00:39:19,642
I didn't want to,

773
00:39:19,676 --> 00:39:22,179
but he has this way of inserting
himself and everything.

774
00:39:24,014 --> 00:39:25,648
Suck, motherfucker.

775
00:39:28,385 --> 00:39:29,186
Okay.

776
00:39:29,220 --> 00:39:30,154
Are you okay?

777
00:39:30,187 --> 00:39:31,822
God, it tastes like a YMCA.

778
00:39:31,856 --> 00:39:34,158
All right, it's comin' out.

779
00:39:36,026 --> 00:39:38,329
All right, we're back.

780
00:39:38,362 --> 00:39:41,664
Let's head back in
the house.

781
00:39:41,698 --> 00:39:42,833
What, what?

782
00:39:42,867 --> 00:39:43,834
What's goin' on?

783
00:39:43,868 --> 00:39:45,668
Something just ran past me.

784
00:39:45,702 --> 00:39:46,537
The monster?

785
00:39:46,570 --> 00:39:47,838
Stop sayin' that.

786
00:39:47,872 --> 00:39:49,340
What?

787
00:39:49,373 --> 00:39:50,374
Giant squirrel.

788
00:39:52,042 --> 00:39:53,377
And I can't say monster?

789
00:39:56,413 --> 00:39:57,381
He was over that way.

790
00:39:57,414 --> 00:39:58,916
Okay, all right.

791
00:40:00,417 --> 00:40:02,253
- Right there.
- Where?

792
00:40:03,554 --> 00:40:05,022
Look, there!

793
00:40:05,055 --> 00:40:08,526
How many of those
fuckers are there?

794
00:40:14,932 --> 00:40:16,400
Holy shit, it was glowing.

795
00:40:17,568 --> 00:40:19,870
And she never
doubted him again.

796
00:40:27,077 --> 00:40:28,546
It's charging.

797
00:40:28,579 --> 00:40:31,248
Give it a minute
of juice and then call 911

798
00:40:33,417 --> 00:40:35,886
and see if you can find a
place that delivers beer

799
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:37,922
or the ambulance
can make a stop.

800
00:40:42,927 --> 00:40:45,396
Actually just do
it the first way.

801
00:40:49,300 --> 00:40:50,733
C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon.

802
00:40:50,768 --> 00:40:51,602
Let's go.

803
00:40:55,606 --> 00:40:56,607
Oh my god.

804
00:41:12,489 --> 00:41:14,258
What is that thing?

805
00:41:44,488 --> 00:41:45,990
- Run?
- Yeah.

806
00:41:48,158 --> 00:41:48,993
Oh shit.

807
00:41:50,661 --> 00:41:52,963
Goddamn it, Mariah Carey.

808
00:41:52,997 --> 00:41:54,164
It's not working.

809
00:41:57,334 --> 00:41:59,637
- Hey, what happened?
- Monsters.

810
00:41:59,670 --> 00:42:00,471
Not you too.

811
00:42:00,504 --> 00:42:01,972
How's Zachary?

812
00:42:02,006 --> 00:42:04,475
Not long for this world
if we don't get help.

813
00:42:04,508 --> 00:42:06,010
We're almost outta beer.

814
00:42:06,043 --> 00:42:07,811
Alex, there's
like two more cases.

815
00:42:07,845 --> 00:42:10,147
Yeah, but one of
those is light beer.

816
00:42:10,180 --> 00:42:11,482
Light beer!

817
00:42:11,515 --> 00:42:12,983
Seriously, what happened?

818
00:42:13,017 --> 00:42:15,986
Seriously, we got attacked
by electricity-eating monsters.

819
00:42:16,020 --> 00:42:18,322
Fine, what'd it look like?

820
00:42:18,355 --> 00:42:19,657
It's hard to describe.

821
00:42:19,690 --> 00:42:21,659
We only saw it
clearly from the back.

822
00:42:21,692 --> 00:42:23,661
Did it look like the Babadook?

823
00:42:23,694 --> 00:42:25,329
Why would it look
like the Babadook?

824
00:42:25,362 --> 00:42:28,165
Why wouldn't it look
like the Babadook?

825
00:42:28,198 --> 00:42:29,833
What the hell's a Babadook?

826
00:42:29,867 --> 00:42:31,201
Fuck it, I'm doin' shrooms.

827
00:42:34,538 --> 00:42:36,874
You know I think we should
keep our heads on straight.

828
00:42:36,907 --> 00:42:39,009
- Louis!
- What?

829
00:42:39,043 --> 00:42:40,511
I have glaucoma.

830
00:42:40,544 --> 00:42:41,912
Fuck it, gimme that.

831
00:42:48,385 --> 00:42:50,521
All right, Jess.

832
00:42:50,554 --> 00:42:51,355
Fuck it, also.

833
00:42:51,388 --> 00:42:52,523
Pour me a shot.

834
00:42:52,556 --> 00:42:56,560
Hell yeah, party's
back.

835
00:42:59,063 --> 00:43:00,731
- They're already poured.
- Mm-hmm.

836
00:43:02,566 --> 00:43:05,703
To the mysteries of the
world and survivin' them.

837
00:43:09,740 --> 00:43:11,909
What the fuck was that?

838
00:43:13,077 --> 00:43:14,411
- Oh fuck.
- Oh god.

839
00:43:17,081 --> 00:43:19,550
Hold hold, we got a hit.

840
00:43:19,583 --> 00:43:22,219
That's enough energy
to power a small village.

841
00:43:22,252 --> 00:43:23,721
Coming from 30 miles away.

842
00:43:23,755 --> 00:43:25,255
Hold onto your beakers, Wendy.

843
00:43:26,256 --> 00:43:28,092
I didn't bring any beakers.

844
00:43:29,593 --> 00:43:32,229
I say we should stay
here and wait it out.

845
00:43:32,262 --> 00:43:34,098
But there's a
problem with Zachary.

846
00:43:34,131 --> 00:43:35,566
Zachary
Zachary Zachary.

847
00:43:35,599 --> 00:43:36,734
Since when do you
care about him?

848
00:43:36,768 --> 00:43:38,770
Now you have a shot with Jess.

849
00:43:38,803 --> 00:43:39,603
What?

850
00:43:39,636 --> 00:43:41,238
Dawg.

851
00:43:41,271 --> 00:43:43,273
That is so fucked up, Louis.

852
00:43:43,307 --> 00:43:46,910
- Yeah.
- Definitely not cool.

853
00:43:46,944 --> 00:43:48,112
Zach, are you okay?

854
00:43:49,279 --> 00:43:51,415
- Yeah, no.
- Sorry.

855
00:43:51,448 --> 00:43:53,450
No but I'm standing.

856
00:43:54,952 --> 00:43:56,253
We're gonna get to
the hospital, okay?

857
00:43:56,286 --> 00:43:57,921
So stay alive.

858
00:43:57,955 --> 00:43:59,089
Okay.

859
00:43:59,123 --> 00:43:59,957
Jess,

860
00:44:01,793 --> 00:44:02,926
I'm sorry.

861
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:04,094
I'll tell you what
a jackass you are

862
00:44:04,128 --> 00:44:06,263
when you're on the mend, okay?

863
00:44:06,296 --> 00:44:07,131
The Schwinns!

864
00:44:09,801 --> 00:44:11,268
Our old bikes?

865
00:44:11,301 --> 00:44:12,469
Yeah, they should still
be somewhere in the barn.

866
00:44:12,503 --> 00:44:13,604
Thought you said there
were monsters out there.

867
00:44:13,637 --> 00:44:15,472
There's a monster in here.

868
00:44:26,183 --> 00:44:27,951
This is madness.

869
00:44:27,985 --> 00:44:30,954
Don't worry, I think I left
a six-pack in here somewhere.

870
00:44:30,988 --> 00:44:32,990
Okay, there you guys go.

871
00:44:33,023 --> 00:44:34,124
The bikes.

872
00:44:34,158 --> 00:44:36,293
- I think if we split up.
- Found 'em!

873
00:44:36,326 --> 00:44:37,161
Yeah, okay.

874
00:44:41,498 --> 00:44:44,635
Wow, these bikes
do not look healthy.

875
00:44:44,668 --> 00:44:45,969
Jess is right.

876
00:44:46,003 --> 00:44:47,304
These things could
fall apart on us.

877
00:44:47,337 --> 00:44:49,640
Hey guys, can you
come here and tell me

878
00:44:49,673 --> 00:44:51,642
if I'm actually seein' a thing

879
00:44:51,675 --> 00:44:54,846
or if this thing's a
manifestation of the shrooms?

880
00:44:57,882 --> 00:44:59,550
Whoa, what is that?

881
00:45:01,351 --> 00:45:03,520
It looks otherworldly.

882
00:45:04,688 --> 00:45:06,723
Well careful,
it might be dangerous.

883
00:45:11,195 --> 00:45:13,664
Bri, when did
your dad get into welding?

884
00:45:13,697 --> 00:45:16,500
You're the
Bill Nye of the group.

885
00:45:16,533 --> 00:45:17,367
What is it?

886
00:45:19,904 --> 00:45:20,737
I don't know.

887
00:45:22,206 --> 00:45:23,507
I've seen enough movies to say

888
00:45:23,540 --> 00:45:25,075
with grave certainty
it's nothin' good.

889
00:45:27,411 --> 00:45:28,847
Looks like
a giant football.

890
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:31,048
What happens when
this thing's all lit up?

891
00:45:32,549 --> 00:45:34,718
Jesus
Christ, don't touch it!

892
00:45:34,752 --> 00:45:36,855
What is this?

893
00:45:36,888 --> 00:45:38,355
A bomb?

894
00:45:40,424 --> 00:45:41,391
Zach, no!

895
00:45:45,596 --> 00:45:47,030
It ain't no Babadook.

896
00:45:47,064 --> 00:45:49,066
Oh my god, it's an alien.

897
00:45:53,771 --> 00:45:56,540
Oh my god, it's a real alien!

898
00:46:07,084 --> 00:46:09,253
What are
you doing? Hurry up!

899
00:46:09,286 --> 00:46:12,389
It's lightin' up!

900
00:46:21,766 --> 00:46:23,768
Holy, I
wanna get an alien!

901
00:46:23,801 --> 00:46:26,403
I can't believe
we just saw an alien.

902
00:46:26,436 --> 00:46:28,572
I'm glad you're excited, Bri.

903
00:46:28,605 --> 00:46:30,741
I'm so fucking happy
you have enough material

904
00:46:30,775 --> 00:46:33,778
for your next science project,
but my boyfriend is dead.

905
00:46:34,812 --> 00:46:36,113
And he may not have
been the best boyfriend,

906
00:46:36,146 --> 00:46:38,615
but he was a human
being who I care about.

907
00:46:39,616 --> 00:46:40,450
Sorry, Jess.

908
00:46:41,618 --> 00:46:42,586
I get carried away.

909
00:46:42,619 --> 00:46:44,087
You always get carried away.

910
00:46:44,121 --> 00:46:46,824
Whether it's your fantasies
about building rockets

911
00:46:47,792 --> 00:46:49,259
or taking too many gin shots.

912
00:46:51,963 --> 00:46:53,096
Why don't you apply
some of that energy

913
00:46:53,130 --> 00:46:55,465
to something with an
actual end result?

914
00:46:55,499 --> 00:46:59,102
Jess honestly, my
condolences and all.

915
00:46:59,136 --> 00:47:00,772
But can we please save
the personal grievance

916
00:47:00,805 --> 00:47:02,941
for after we escape the alien?

917
00:47:02,974 --> 00:47:04,508
Come on guys, let's pedal.

918
00:47:06,643 --> 00:47:07,477
Wait!

919
00:47:08,512 --> 00:47:09,781
What if Zach was right?

920
00:47:09,814 --> 00:47:11,950
What if that is a
bomb back there?

921
00:47:11,983 --> 00:47:14,651
So, about that pedaling.

922
00:47:14,685 --> 00:47:15,519
Yeah.

923
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:24,328
Oh, fuck me sideways.

924
00:47:24,361 --> 00:47:25,462
Brian!

925
00:47:25,495 --> 00:47:27,832
Dude, a bomb!

926
00:47:33,838 --> 00:47:35,372
According to Stephen Hawking:

927
00:47:36,841 --> 00:47:40,177
If intelligent alien life
exists which apparently it does,

928
00:47:43,180 --> 00:47:46,483
they'll most likely conquer
earth to exploit our resources.

929
00:47:46,516 --> 00:47:47,684
That sounds terrifying.

930
00:47:47,718 --> 00:47:49,152
So why are we stopped?!

931
00:47:49,186 --> 00:47:53,323
That device had
a light meter on it

932
00:47:53,357 --> 00:47:54,658
that was nearly powered up.

933
00:47:54,691 --> 00:47:57,160
But what happens when
all the lights are lit?

934
00:47:57,194 --> 00:47:58,997
It does whatever it
was designed to do,

935
00:47:59,030 --> 00:48:04,035
whether that be a bomb or
some kinda matter decimator.

936
00:48:05,369 --> 00:48:07,504
Isn't the latter just a
fancier way of sayin' bomb?

937
00:48:07,537 --> 00:48:11,708
The point is:
Earth is in trouble.

938
00:48:13,210 --> 00:48:15,013
You want us to go back?

939
00:48:15,046 --> 00:48:16,546
Are you insane?

940
00:48:16,580 --> 00:48:19,683
I don't know about you, but
I don't wanna die tonight.

941
00:48:19,716 --> 00:48:21,685
Again, my condolences.

942
00:48:21,718 --> 00:48:23,353
Someone
has to stop it.

943
00:48:23,387 --> 00:48:25,389
That's what
the police are for, man.

944
00:48:25,422 --> 00:48:26,858
We're 20 miles from town.

945
00:48:26,891 --> 00:48:30,560
With these bikes, there's
not gonna be time.

946
00:48:31,395 --> 00:48:34,231
Come on.

947
00:48:37,734 --> 00:48:38,568
Hey.

948
00:48:40,905 --> 00:48:42,907
The universe is endless,

949
00:48:46,077 --> 00:48:48,745
cold and impartial.

950
00:48:51,415 --> 00:48:55,719
We exist because we fought

951
00:48:55,753 --> 00:48:56,586
to be here.

952
00:48:59,757 --> 00:49:02,459
The universe gave us a chance

953
00:49:04,261 --> 00:49:05,262
and we grabbed hold.

954
00:49:06,764 --> 00:49:09,466
We planted our flag in the
ground and said, "We belong."

955
00:49:11,769 --> 00:49:13,437
We choose to belong to this

956
00:49:15,472 --> 00:49:17,141
beautiful mess of chaos.

957
00:49:19,276 --> 00:49:21,946
Survival isn't handed
to anyone or anything.

958
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:24,115
Survival

959
00:49:25,950 --> 00:49:26,784
is fought for.

960
00:49:29,821 --> 00:49:32,489
Did you just have that
speech in your back pocket?

961
00:49:33,623 --> 00:49:34,624
Yeah, I did.

962
00:49:36,326 --> 00:49:37,929
'Kay.

963
00:49:37,962 --> 00:49:40,798
Help me apply my energy to
somethin' with an end result.

964
00:49:44,468 --> 00:49:45,469
You're all insane.

965
00:49:46,971 --> 00:49:49,639
Three eulogies, that's what
I'm gonna be writing soon.

966
00:49:51,809 --> 00:49:53,778
I'm out, see ya.

967
00:49:53,811 --> 00:49:55,645
- Aw c'mon, Louis!
- No, man.

968
00:49:57,314 --> 00:49:59,449
Look maybe he's right, Bri.

969
00:49:59,483 --> 00:50:00,818
Maybe we are insane.

970
00:50:02,486 --> 00:50:04,521
What have we ever been
together but drunk?

971
00:50:06,323 --> 00:50:07,158
Friends.

972
00:50:16,834 --> 00:50:18,202
You can count on my steel.

973
00:50:19,837 --> 00:50:20,805
I'm in, too.

974
00:50:20,838 --> 00:50:21,638
Yeah, Alex.

975
00:50:21,671 --> 00:50:22,639
I figured as much.

976
00:50:22,672 --> 00:50:24,008
The booze is still back there.

977
00:50:24,041 --> 00:50:25,475
Ooh.

978
00:50:25,509 --> 00:50:29,646
You know me so
well.

979
00:50:31,048 --> 00:50:32,817
Welcome to the armory.

980
00:50:32,850 --> 00:50:33,851
This is a tool shed.

981
00:50:35,019 --> 00:50:36,854
I know, just grab a weapon.

982
00:50:36,888 --> 00:50:37,721
Okay.

983
00:50:38,856 --> 00:50:42,160
, okay.

984
00:51:05,049 --> 00:51:07,018
Ooh, can
I get the saws?

985
00:51:22,900 --> 00:51:24,202
I feel like
somebody should say

986
00:51:24,235 --> 00:51:26,037
something witty and
battle-ready here.

987
00:51:26,070 --> 00:51:28,572
Maybe we just defy that
cliche and save the world.

988
00:51:28,605 --> 00:51:30,574
Let's poke some
holes in their plan.

989
00:51:30,607 --> 00:51:31,741
- There it is.
- Yeah.

990
00:51:32,910 --> 00:51:34,377
Let's say we kill
all these things.

991
00:51:34,411 --> 00:51:35,880
How do we defuse the device?

992
00:51:35,913 --> 00:51:38,216
Well Brian's a
mechanical engineer.

993
00:51:38,249 --> 00:51:39,749
Yeah, I am that.

994
00:51:40,785 --> 00:51:41,618
Guys?

995
00:51:47,424 --> 00:51:49,559
Approach slowly
or charge quickly?

996
00:52:01,438 --> 00:52:02,405
Did that thing just disappear?

997
00:52:02,439 --> 00:52:03,941
Are you okay?

998
00:52:03,975 --> 00:52:05,910
That tree is all
bark and no bite.

999
00:52:05,943 --> 00:52:07,078
Oh, bad puns.

1000
00:52:07,111 --> 00:52:08,578
He's okay.

1001
00:52:08,612 --> 00:52:10,915
That's a bad bump; I'll live.

1002
00:52:10,948 --> 00:52:13,084
I'd hate for little
Cammy, Ryu, Guile, Blanka,

1003
00:52:13,117 --> 00:52:15,485
Bison and Chun-Li to
grow up without a father.

1004
00:52:16,787 --> 00:52:19,257
- You have kids?
- You have six kids?

1005
00:52:19,290 --> 00:52:20,758
Are those Street
Fighter characters?

1006
00:52:20,791 --> 00:52:23,426
Seriously Alex, who
are you these days?

1007
00:52:23,460 --> 00:52:26,130
Some guy doin' what he
has to in this crazy world.

1008
00:52:28,299 --> 00:52:29,834
There's another one.

1009
00:52:31,802 --> 00:52:32,937
Oh shit.

1010
00:52:32,970 --> 00:52:34,138
What?

1011
00:52:35,306 --> 00:52:36,941
There's only one.

1012
00:52:36,974 --> 00:52:38,943
What do you mean?
They're all over the damn place.

1013
00:52:38,976 --> 00:52:39,810
No.

1014
00:52:40,677 --> 00:52:42,146
It's all over the damn place.

1015
00:52:44,181 --> 00:52:45,016
It can teleport.

1016
00:52:46,650 --> 00:52:48,451
Not so bad.

1017
00:52:48,485 --> 00:52:49,452
Just one alien.

1018
00:52:49,486 --> 00:52:50,654
They can teleport.

1019
00:52:53,490 --> 00:52:55,458
Maybe we need to rethink this.

1020
00:53:01,832 --> 00:53:02,967
Don't touch my friend,

1021
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:04,668
you ET wannabe bitch!

1022
00:53:14,211 --> 00:53:15,545
Where'd he go?

1023
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:19,317
Shit, I just know that
thing's

1024
00:53:19,350 --> 00:53:21,152
gonna pop up at any...

1025
00:53:22,186 --> 00:53:23,154
Jump scare.

1026
00:53:36,033 --> 00:53:41,038
Where's Jess?

1027
00:53:41,538 --> 00:53:42,539
Jess!

1028
00:54:15,572 --> 00:54:16,407
What?

1029
00:54:20,577 --> 00:54:21,412
Who are they?

1030
00:54:22,913 --> 00:54:23,881
Bad asses.

1031
00:54:23,914 --> 00:54:25,548
Are you guys all right?

1032
00:54:25,582 --> 00:54:28,386
More importantly, have
you seen a metallic device

1033
00:54:28,419 --> 00:54:29,920
with blinking lights?

1034
00:54:29,954 --> 00:54:31,255
Who are you?

1035
00:54:31,288 --> 00:54:32,555
This is Dr. Wendy
Barnes and I'm Chum.

1036
00:54:32,589 --> 00:54:35,393
We were hired to track
and kill that thing.

1037
00:54:35,426 --> 00:54:36,559
Hired by who?

1038
00:54:36,593 --> 00:54:38,262
I'm gonna let you
guess my next sentence.

1039
00:54:38,295 --> 00:54:40,231
Is it top secret?

1040
00:54:40,264 --> 00:54:42,400
- It's top secret.
- Yeah.

1041
00:54:42,433 --> 00:54:43,733
Put that thing down.

1042
00:54:43,768 --> 00:54:45,236
I didn't just shoot a
game-winning three pointer.

1043
00:54:45,269 --> 00:54:48,439
One last time, have you seen
a strange-looking device?

1044
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:50,274
It's in the barn.

1045
00:54:50,307 --> 00:54:51,275
We should get them inside.

1046
00:54:51,308 --> 00:54:52,777
I'd like to interrogate them.

1047
00:54:54,111 --> 00:54:54,945
Fine.

1048
00:54:56,113 --> 00:54:57,948
- You got anything to drink?
- Uh-huh.

1049
00:55:03,620 --> 00:55:07,291
Teleportation: That
explains why its blood cells

1050
00:55:07,324 --> 00:55:09,093
are actively electrical.

1051
00:55:09,126 --> 00:55:10,261
Thank you.

1052
00:55:10,294 --> 00:55:12,263
This thing literally
feeds off electricity.

1053
00:55:12,296 --> 00:55:14,597
Hence our romantic setup.

1054
00:55:14,631 --> 00:55:17,301
Of course it'll need
to keep its body charged.

1055
00:55:18,836 --> 00:55:20,938
So the government knows
about this thing, huh?

1056
00:55:20,971 --> 00:55:22,273
Never said anything
about the government.

1057
00:55:22,306 --> 00:55:24,108
Ah, sure because you can't.

1058
00:55:24,141 --> 00:55:26,277
But I mean, it's
obviously the government.

1059
00:55:26,310 --> 00:55:27,610
There's other groups out there

1060
00:55:27,644 --> 00:55:30,114
we've invested interest
in our planet's future.

1061
00:55:30,147 --> 00:55:32,149
Look, you don't have to
say it's the government.

1062
00:55:32,183 --> 00:55:33,451
We'll just all silently know.

1063
00:55:33,484 --> 00:55:36,287
And you were in the
fifth dimension with it?

1064
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:37,154
Mm-hmm.

1065
00:55:39,523 --> 00:55:41,624
Can I put this in your rectum?
I'd like to get a reading.

1066
00:55:41,658 --> 00:55:42,625
No.

1067
00:55:42,659 --> 00:55:44,128
Fine then.

1068
00:55:44,161 --> 00:55:47,465
We got a teleporting
alien that can be injured,

1069
00:55:47,498 --> 00:55:48,966
therefore can be killed.

1070
00:55:48,999 --> 00:55:51,802
Yeah, but first you gotta
get it to stand still.

1071
00:55:51,836 --> 00:55:54,972
Man if I was sober, that
wouldn't even be necessary.

1072
00:55:55,005 --> 00:55:58,476
My reflexes are that
of a cobra.

1073
00:55:58,509 --> 00:56:00,643
I will decapitate that
mecha mean motherfucker

1074
00:56:00,677 --> 00:56:05,682
before it could teleport into
whatever dimension.

1075
00:56:06,851 --> 00:56:07,985
Too bad you're
never sober, Alex.

1076
00:56:08,018 --> 00:56:09,987
'Cause your reflexes
are for shit.

1077
00:56:10,020 --> 00:56:11,654
Alcohol.

1078
00:56:11,688 --> 00:56:13,357
- What?
- Alcohol.

1079
00:56:14,525 --> 00:56:15,692
Yup, damn right.

1080
00:56:15,725 --> 00:56:18,695
No, alcohol slows
down your reaction time.

1081
00:56:18,728 --> 00:56:20,531
He's right, that's science.

1082
00:56:20,564 --> 00:56:21,698
Thank you.

1083
00:56:21,731 --> 00:56:23,000
But right now we
can't kill that thing

1084
00:56:23,033 --> 00:56:25,002
because we can't get a
clear shot at it, but...

1085
00:56:25,035 --> 00:56:27,037
If we get even more fucked up.

1086
00:56:27,071 --> 00:56:28,038
No, listen.

1087
00:56:31,041 --> 00:56:32,709
I know how we take
down this alien.

1088
00:56:34,378 --> 00:56:35,212
We get it drunk.

1089
00:56:36,713 --> 00:56:38,349
Hey, I'm totally
not gettin' the plan.

1090
00:56:38,382 --> 00:56:40,184
We get the alien drunk.

1091
00:56:40,217 --> 00:56:42,019
Like in party with it?

1092
00:56:42,052 --> 00:56:44,021
To slow down
its reaction time.

1093
00:56:44,054 --> 00:56:44,889
Exactly.

1094
00:56:44,922 --> 00:56:46,357
Each time the alien teleports,

1095
00:56:46,390 --> 00:56:47,858
its body feeds it electricity.

1096
00:56:47,892 --> 00:56:49,226
And if we slow
down that reaction.

1097
00:56:49,260 --> 00:56:51,362
We can put a
bullet in its brain.

1098
00:56:51,395 --> 00:56:53,730
This is all great, but we
have one major problem here.

1099
00:56:53,764 --> 00:56:55,366
How do we get it drunk?

1100
00:56:55,399 --> 00:56:56,733
I know, I know.

1101
00:56:56,767 --> 00:56:57,700
I know!

1102
00:56:59,236 --> 00:57:00,204
That been happening a lot?

1103
00:57:00,237 --> 00:57:02,039
Yeah, it's the device.

1104
00:57:02,072 --> 00:57:04,909
One more and that
thing's fully-charged.

1105
00:57:06,410 --> 00:57:10,214
Well we can't just march out
there and offer him a beer.

1106
00:57:10,247 --> 00:57:11,248
We won't have to.

1107
00:57:12,749 --> 00:57:14,051
I know that smile.

1108
00:57:14,084 --> 00:57:16,220
That's the Brian's
got a plan smile.

1109
00:57:16,253 --> 00:57:17,421
Brian's got a plan.

1110
00:58:04,001 --> 00:58:05,603
Thanks, mom and dad.

1111
00:58:08,806 --> 00:58:10,474
Ladies, gentleman.

1112
00:58:10,507 --> 00:58:13,611
I give you the Skaggs
hydroelectric beer bong.

1113
00:58:13,644 --> 00:58:15,779
Our alien will come
for the electricity,

1114
00:58:15,813 --> 00:58:17,648
but also get a belly
full of tub hooch.

1115
00:58:22,319 --> 00:58:24,822
All right people, let's move.

1116
00:58:29,526 --> 00:58:30,361
Don't linger.

1117
00:58:31,328 --> 00:58:33,297
You just make sure you hit it.

1118
00:58:33,330 --> 00:58:34,365
Oh, I'm gonna hit it

1119
00:58:38,335 --> 00:58:39,536
and then I'm gonna hit it.

1120
00:58:41,338 --> 00:58:43,040
- Okay.
- Cool.

1121
00:58:46,343 --> 00:58:48,145
You were right to say
that to me earlier

1122
00:58:48,178 --> 00:58:49,847
'bout not finishing
what I start.

1123
00:58:51,548 --> 00:58:54,485
Not sure why I always
get in my own way,

1124
00:58:54,518 --> 00:58:56,654
just my nature as a fuck up.

1125
00:58:56,687 --> 00:59:00,190
Bri, fuck ups are the
people that don't even try.

1126
00:59:01,358 --> 00:59:04,528
So if this bong
fails and we all die,

1127
00:59:05,696 --> 00:59:08,198
the lesson here is
at least I've tried?

1128
00:59:08,232 --> 00:59:10,868
Correct.

1129
00:59:12,036 --> 00:59:13,871
Now, let's party.

1130
00:59:15,039 --> 00:59:15,873
Let's boogie.

1131
00:59:31,088 --> 00:59:32,389
Please do the honors, me lady.

1132
00:59:46,070 --> 00:59:47,571
Fuckin' shit.

1133
00:59:47,604 --> 00:59:48,439
Look.

1134
00:59:49,740 --> 00:59:50,574
Wow.

1135
00:59:51,909 --> 00:59:53,243
Fuck me twice on a Tuesday.

1136
00:59:54,578 --> 00:59:55,412
Positions.

1137
00:59:56,914 --> 00:59:57,915
Stay safe, Chum.

1138
01:00:15,466 --> 01:00:16,567
I can't believe
it actually worked.

1139
01:00:19,436 --> 01:00:20,738
Shit.

1140
01:00:26,778 --> 01:00:28,612
He's taking the bait.

1141
01:00:35,619 --> 01:00:36,420
Ready?

1142
01:00:36,453 --> 01:00:37,955
I was born to be bait.

1143
01:00:38,823 --> 01:00:41,258
Hey, Wendy!

1144
01:00:41,291 --> 01:00:42,626
Yes?

1145
01:00:42,659 --> 01:00:44,294
- I forgot your name.
- Alex.

1146
01:00:45,462 --> 01:00:46,630
Yes, Alex?!

1147
01:00:47,998 --> 01:00:51,635
Let's explore this barn
and all the contents within!

1148
01:00:52,837 --> 01:00:53,971
Great idea!

1149
01:01:10,988 --> 01:01:15,794
I'll just pull this handle
and the door should open

1150
01:01:15,827 --> 01:01:20,030
and we'll be inside peeing
on anythin' we want!

1151
01:01:33,010 --> 01:01:37,014
- Gross.
- Eww, gross!

1152
01:01:40,184 --> 01:01:41,652
Chum, now!

1153
01:01:41,685 --> 01:01:43,855
Here's to paying my rent
for another six months.

1154
01:01:53,363 --> 01:01:55,532
We claim you, alien fuck.

1155
01:02:00,037 --> 01:02:01,004
He came back.

1156
01:02:01,038 --> 01:02:03,842
Yeah and fucked everything up.

1157
01:02:03,875 --> 01:02:06,510
True, but friendship first.

1158
01:02:06,543 --> 01:02:08,512
Yeah, I guess.

1159
01:02:10,047 --> 01:02:12,049
- Let's go.
- Yeah, yeah!

1160
01:02:13,217 --> 01:02:14,184
What the hell?

1161
01:02:14,218 --> 01:02:15,686
That was so dope.

1162
01:02:15,719 --> 01:02:16,553
Oh my god.

1163
01:02:21,258 --> 01:02:24,194
Look, I'm putting
the gun down.

1164
01:02:24,228 --> 01:02:25,696
'Kay?

1165
01:02:25,729 --> 01:02:29,533
Now you let Dr. Barnes go
and we'll leave, how's that?

1166
01:02:31,068 --> 01:02:33,270
Finish your business here
and we turn a blind eye.

1167
01:02:37,241 --> 01:02:38,408
Don't worry about me.

1168
01:02:39,276 --> 01:02:40,377
One for many.

1169
01:02:40,410 --> 01:02:41,245
Right.

1170
01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:43,915
No more weapons.

1171
01:02:45,249 --> 01:02:47,050
Totally weapon-free.

1172
01:02:47,084 --> 01:02:48,753
Just two empty hands with peace.

1173
01:02:51,588 --> 01:02:53,056
No!

1174
01:02:55,092 --> 01:02:56,260
Shit.

1175
01:03:07,604 --> 01:03:08,773
I'm so sorry.

1176
01:03:12,276 --> 01:03:13,778
It's beautiful.

1177
01:03:28,325 --> 01:03:30,127
I said I usually work alone.

1178
01:03:31,796 --> 01:03:32,964
I didn't say I liked it.

1179
01:03:38,468 --> 01:03:39,938
Any more douchebags
gonna pop out

1180
01:03:39,971 --> 01:03:41,973
and get someone else killed?

1181
01:03:42,006 --> 01:03:44,274
Why do I feel like that
was directed towards me?

1182
01:03:44,308 --> 01:03:46,945
Who is this Tomb
Raider-looking woman?

1183
01:03:46,978 --> 01:03:49,146
- What do we do now?
- Improvise.

1184
01:03:52,016 --> 01:03:53,317
You seem the least drunk.

1185
01:03:53,350 --> 01:03:55,118
You must be blind.

1186
01:03:55,152 --> 01:03:56,320
My pitchfork will do.

1187
01:03:57,487 --> 01:03:58,957
Looks like we're ready to go.

1188
01:04:01,158 --> 01:04:03,660
Hey, it means a lot
that you came back

1189
01:04:04,829 --> 01:04:06,296
even if you did
get Wendy killed.

1190
01:04:06,330 --> 01:04:08,800
First of all, why does
everybody keep saying that?

1191
01:04:08,833 --> 01:04:09,968
Because it's true.

1192
01:04:10,001 --> 01:04:11,301
No, it's not.

1193
01:04:11,335 --> 01:04:12,469
Yes, her blood
is on your hands.

1194
01:04:12,502 --> 01:04:14,304
I wasn't the one
that threw the knife.

1195
01:04:14,338 --> 01:04:15,505
It's not your
fault, but it is.

1196
01:04:15,539 --> 01:04:16,808
Anyway, what were you gonna say?

1197
01:04:16,841 --> 01:04:18,308
I just couldn't stop thinking

1198
01:04:18,342 --> 01:04:20,310
what the fuck was
I pedaling toward,

1199
01:04:20,344 --> 01:04:22,814
my optometry practice where
all the assistants hate me?

1200
01:04:22,847 --> 01:04:24,648
My wife who also hates me.

1201
01:04:24,681 --> 01:04:27,150
My kids who should be
way too young to hate me,

1202
01:04:27,184 --> 01:04:31,655
but I see it in their little
antichrist eyes, the fuckers.

1203
01:04:31,688 --> 01:04:33,992
Then I thought about what
I was pedaling away from,

1204
01:04:34,025 --> 01:04:36,326
the people who've always
been there for me.

1205
01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:39,162
No matter how much of a
pain in the ass I was,

1206
01:04:39,196 --> 01:04:40,731
I love you guys.

1207
01:04:45,036 --> 01:04:49,040
I don't know what's happening,
but I feel really weird.

1208
01:04:50,540 --> 01:04:52,010
It took Louis.

1209
01:04:52,043 --> 01:04:53,710
- Wait, Louis.
- Holy shit,

1210
01:04:53,744 --> 01:04:55,212
that was also really weird.

1211
01:04:55,245 --> 01:04:56,179
He's in the barn.

1212
01:04:56,213 --> 01:04:57,180
- Call dibs.
- Okay.

1213
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:04,856
Please stop.

1214
01:05:04,889 --> 01:05:06,523
Louis, are you okay?

1215
01:05:06,556 --> 01:05:08,358
I'll just let the
visual speak for itself.

1216
01:05:15,565 --> 01:05:18,702
If I can't shoot him around
you, I'll shoot through you.

1217
01:05:18,735 --> 01:05:19,703
Stop!

1218
01:05:19,736 --> 01:05:21,238
What are you fuckin' doing?

1219
01:05:21,271 --> 01:05:22,239
You're not killin' my friend.

1220
01:05:22,272 --> 01:05:24,042
Aw thanks, Bri.

1221
01:05:24,075 --> 01:05:25,943
- You got it, buddy.
- Fuck all y'all!

1222
01:05:33,583 --> 01:05:36,586
This is why I say I
usually work alone.

1223
01:05:38,588 --> 01:05:42,259
The fucker's behind
me, ain't it?

1224
01:05:54,939 --> 01:05:55,773
No!

1225
01:06:16,961 --> 01:06:18,295
It's incredible.

1226
01:06:23,633 --> 01:06:24,634
It's gonna activate.

1227
01:06:24,668 --> 01:06:26,436
It's gonna activate!

1228
01:06:30,174 --> 01:06:30,975
Oh shit.

1229
01:06:35,813 --> 01:06:38,648
Fork me.

1230
01:06:38,682 --> 01:06:42,987
Alex!

1231
01:06:43,020 --> 01:06:45,123
Jess, shoot him!

1232
01:06:48,658 --> 01:06:49,827
Eat my ass.

1233
01:06:57,501 --> 01:06:58,535
Eat my ass.

1234
01:07:28,365 --> 01:07:29,867
Finish him!

1235
01:07:29,901 --> 01:07:33,670
God!

1236
01:07:41,711 --> 01:07:42,712
We did it.

1237
01:07:44,081 --> 01:07:45,348
We did it?

1238
01:07:45,382 --> 01:07:47,051
What, I don't get
credit for this?

1239
01:07:48,552 --> 01:07:50,387
Oh, that's messed up.

1240
01:07:51,756 --> 01:07:53,356
I sabotage everything
good in my life

1241
01:07:53,390 --> 01:07:55,026
'cause I'm terrified of failure.

1242
01:07:55,059 --> 01:07:57,028
I've been doin' it for
years in my career,

1243
01:07:57,061 --> 01:07:58,062
even longer with you.

1244
01:07:59,230 --> 01:08:00,363
I purposely date
guys I know won't last

1245
01:08:00,397 --> 01:08:02,699
so I don't have to be
vulnerable with anyone.

1246
01:08:02,732 --> 01:08:05,203
Guess we're a perfect
pair of fuck ups.

1247
01:08:05,236 --> 01:08:06,736
Do two wrongs make a right?

1248
01:08:07,737 --> 01:08:09,539
Well only one way to find out.

1249
01:08:15,412 --> 01:08:19,083
Some damn fine
work, kids.

1250
01:08:24,288 --> 01:08:29,293
Looks like I won't be around
to collect my payment, but

1251
01:08:32,129 --> 01:08:34,098
tell him you're with me.

1252
01:08:34,131 --> 01:08:34,966
He'll set you up.

1253
01:08:36,767 --> 01:08:38,735
You work for Big Oil?

1254
01:08:38,769 --> 01:08:41,105
Told you I wasn't
government, you dumb ass.

1255
01:08:41,138 --> 01:08:44,108
Why would an oil company
hire you to hunt down an alien?

1256
01:08:45,142 --> 01:08:47,111
That alien machine
you just shut down.

1257
01:08:50,114 --> 01:08:50,948
It wasn't a bomb.

1258
01:08:52,116 --> 01:08:55,086
So what, could it
open up a black hole,

1259
01:08:55,119 --> 01:08:56,821
expand matter, poison the air?

1260
01:08:59,123 --> 01:09:01,292
It's a carbon
dioxide extractor.

1261
01:09:02,492 --> 01:09:04,494
Sucks CO2 outta the atmosphere.

1262
01:09:07,497 --> 01:09:09,499
That little alien device

1263
01:09:10,634 --> 01:09:12,636
is meant to turn the
tide on climate change.

1264
01:09:14,138 --> 01:09:15,605
No, that doesn't
make any sense.

1265
01:09:15,639 --> 01:09:17,275
Big Oil would want
this thing activated

1266
01:09:17,308 --> 01:09:19,643
so they could keep
goin' business as usual.

1267
01:09:19,676 --> 01:09:21,645
Of course.

1268
01:09:24,315 --> 01:09:27,151
Think about how much
money can be made

1269
01:09:28,485 --> 01:09:30,487
if you hold the world hostage.

1270
01:09:31,822 --> 01:09:33,657
Once they dissect that thing,

1271
01:09:35,159 --> 01:09:39,997
they can create their own and
profit like motherfuckers.

1272
01:09:42,833 --> 01:09:43,667
You used us

1273
01:09:44,668 --> 01:09:47,838
like pawns in a corporate game.

1274
01:09:49,506 --> 01:09:50,674
Don't be so dramatic.

1275
01:09:53,210 --> 01:09:54,845
Corporations are people too.

1276
01:09:56,347 --> 01:09:57,181
Big Oil

1277
01:09:59,350 --> 01:10:00,184
ain't so bad.

1278
01:10:09,860 --> 01:10:11,195
Maybe she was right.

1279
01:10:13,030 --> 01:10:14,698
We've killed a
great humanitarian.

1280
01:10:16,200 --> 01:10:18,202
Well at least we
still have some beers.

1281
01:10:20,371 --> 01:10:23,540
Well happy birthday,
man.

1282
01:10:28,879 --> 01:10:32,383
Light fuckin' beer.

1283
01:10:33,717 --> 01:10:34,551
Of course.

1284
01:10:39,223 --> 01:10:40,057
Fuck.

1285
01:13:51,115 --> 01:13:52,715
47 Baker, take three.

1286
01:13:52,749 --> 01:13:54,717
So we're already
landed, right?

1287
01:13:54,752 --> 01:13:55,886
Yeah.

1288
01:13:55,920 --> 01:13:57,720
My
nay-nays feel weird.

1289
01:14:00,291 --> 01:14:01,425
I mean I don't drink.

1290
01:14:01,458 --> 01:14:03,227
But when I drink, I drink.

1291
01:14:03,260 --> 01:14:04,895
No, we're high up.

1292
01:14:04,929 --> 01:14:05,728
We're pretty high.

1293
01:14:05,763 --> 01:14:06,897
I can tell.

1294
01:14:06,931 --> 01:14:09,099
Less oxygen.

1295
01:14:09,133 --> 01:14:11,769
Whoa.

1296
01:14:14,605 --> 01:14:16,574
I voted for Trump.

1297
01:14:16,607 --> 01:14:20,277
I like to masturbate with
my lab coat on.

1298
01:14:21,979 --> 01:14:26,951
Maggie hates postpartum
sex, but I like it.

1299
01:14:28,285 --> 01:14:30,120
- Sorry.
- Speakin' of farts,

1300
01:14:30,154 --> 01:14:31,789
I pood my pants
like.

1301
01:14:35,125 --> 01:14:38,762
I had a pain in my balls and
I thought it was ball cancer.

1302
01:14:38,796 --> 01:14:40,464
It was just pain

1303
01:14:42,633 --> 01:14:45,169
in my balls.

1304
01:14:46,470 --> 01:14:49,273
You can see like the
burn marks and stuff.

1305
01:14:49,306 --> 01:14:50,441
Burn marks.

1306
01:14:50,474 --> 01:14:51,275
Yeah.

1307
01:14:51,308 --> 01:14:52,443
I don't know, man.

1308
01:14:52,476 --> 01:14:54,645
I think it's like
splittin' hairs.

1309
01:14:54,678 --> 01:14:56,146
- Which one?
- Both equal.

1310
01:14:56,180 --> 01:14:57,448
I don't...

1311
01:14:57,481 --> 01:14:58,315
No, one's better
than the other.

1312
01:14:58,349 --> 01:14:59,617
Don't show them to me again.

1313
01:14:59,650 --> 01:15:01,285
You want me to take
a pic of your dick?

1314
01:15:01,318 --> 01:15:02,953
The selfies are kinda tough.

1315
01:15:02,987 --> 01:15:03,787
Nah, it's okay.

1316
01:15:03,821 --> 01:15:04,788
I think I can manage.

1317
01:15:04,822 --> 01:15:05,956
- Okay.
- Yeah.

1318
01:15:05,990 --> 01:15:07,124
Life or death, we're
leaving right now.

1319
01:15:07,157 --> 01:15:10,461
C'mon!

1320
01:15:10,494 --> 01:15:11,495
Ow.

1321
01:15:20,337 --> 01:15:21,138
I farted.

1322
01:15:24,675 --> 01:15:25,509
Dingleberry!

1323
01:15:27,511 --> 01:15:28,679
Fuckin' dicks!

1324
01:15:31,348 --> 01:15:33,651
Babadook?

1325
01:15:33,684 --> 01:15:34,518
Fully erect.

1326
01:15:38,522 --> 01:15:39,356
The Schwinns!

1327
01:15:41,058 --> 01:15:42,493
- Our old bikes?
- Yeah.

1328
01:15:42,526 --> 01:15:44,495
They should still
be in the barn.

1329
01:15:47,698 --> 01:15:49,533
Teleport!

1330
01:15:55,873 --> 01:15:58,709
- She's in the barn?
- Who is that?

1331
01:15:59,710 --> 01:16:01,378
She's in the barn.

1332
01:16:02,880 --> 01:16:04,181
Can you swim?

1333
01:16:04,214 --> 01:16:07,518
No, I'm black.

1334
01:16:10,721 --> 01:16:11,522
I'm fallin' off.

1335
01:16:11,555 --> 01:16:13,691
Ooh!

1336
01:16:13,724 --> 01:16:16,026
Yes?

1337
01:16:16,060 --> 01:16:17,194
Like
push your tongue.

1338
01:16:17,227 --> 01:16:19,029
It'll help you to
just push you tongue.

1339
01:16:30,240 --> 01:16:31,075
One for the alien.

1340
01:16:31,909 --> 01:16:33,077
Happy birthday, man.

1341
01:16:38,415 --> 01:16:39,416
Oh, fuck!

1342
01:16:39,450 --> 01:16:41,218
Welcome to my place.

1343
01:16:41,251 --> 01:16:44,054
Got my entourage,
got my lights goin'.

1344
01:16:44,088 --> 01:16:45,723
You see my egg in the back.

1345
01:16:45,757 --> 01:16:47,124
You know I'm lit.

1346
01:16:48,258 --> 01:16:50,060
Don't mind the blood,
that's somethin'.

1347
01:16:50,094 --> 01:16:51,729
We're not gonna talk about that.

1348
01:16:51,763 --> 01:16:54,064
There's my sound guy.

1349
01:16:54,098 --> 01:16:57,601
You know I'm dope if I got
my own sound guy, right?

1350
01:16:59,750 --> 01:17:01,195
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org