AT-TE – Review by ReviewAnon

By: ReviewAnon (name given by the readers)
Originally posted: 16.04.2016
This is the last known review posted by ReviewAnon.
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PREMISE
Set in the Star Wars universe around the time of the Clone Wars, you play a newly furbished clone designated CT-42/458. You have just left the academy and been put immediately into the command of a mobile siege and assault weapon, the AT-TE, alongside a crew of veterans who may as well be legends among your peers. Unfortunately, those legends are quickly flickering away as your very presence in their crew is representative of the commander they once had having died.

You've precious little practical knowledge beyond your training, and seemingly even less trust from the people you're supposed to be leading through this warzone. To make matters worse, there's more to this war than you were told in academy... To say nothing of the episodes you're [spoiler]not[/spoiler] having.

When everything around you is going to shit, all you can hope to do is Stay Professional.

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REVIEW pt1

Mechanics.
This goes through some changes in the first few threads, as it tries to refine itself. Its first iteration was hilariously tedious, requiring a series of rolls (6-10 sometimes!) of 1d10 per post just for a single tactical vote. I won't touch much on that though, since it's deprecated and we have a more straightforward version going now.

You roll a 1d10 for every person under your command, and then the QM takes the first 3 sets of d10s and arranges them horizontally... Then reads them vertically. The set of numbers there are then used to compare against a DC. Crits are wild in this, so if you roll a 1 and two 9s, you'll succeed... But something bad will still happen. If more numbers pass the DC than fail, then you're golden! Otherwise... Well, let's just say that AT-TE makes no effort to skirt the fact that death is a casualty of war.

No one has plot armor in AT-TE. You are all clones, when you die, any number of your brothers will take your place. The fact that crits are wilds on a d10 is just as brutal as you'd expect. While I personally don't think this would work out well in most quests, the circumstances of Clone Wars in conjunction with this dice resolution system has successfully lent the quest an atmosphere that even makes archive binging the fights of this fairly engaging. It does have some arguably unfortunate side effects on the characters though, but I'll touch on that later.

For non-combat encounters, the usual "most popular vote wins" is your go-to. It's a staple for any kind of collaborative narrative game, and it does its job well.

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REVIEW pt2

Plot.
Star Wars. Clone Wars. Ultimately this is a fanfiction quest, likely riding on the hype of the new movie and/or other Star Wars quests, so the "plot" is kind of... Detached. You're fighting through the Clone Wars very, following their battles as an AT-TE commander.

The unique thing revolves mostly around the perspective of a clone during all of this, and the strange episodes that CT-42/458 is [spoiler]not[/spoiler] having. There are hints that not all is right in the past of the MC, and they may very well have been the result of an experimental training program or a traitorous instructor. These lapses in personality are all tied very heavily to the phrase "Stay Professional", which starts out as something of a calming mantra to the MC, but later begins to show unsettling signs of being the same sort of verbal conditioning as "Would you kindly".

In that sense, AT-TE takes a pretty interesting angle of narrative progression, in so much as much of the intrigue and interest regarding the story isn't at all about what's going on around the MC, but who the MC really is and what they really are. This isn't something I see often in quests, and even less so done well, so it's been interesting following it.

...Unfortunately, I feel like a lot of things are obligatorily just lost to the reader if they aren't already familiar with Star Wars. It's good that the mystery behind the MC is fascinating, because otherwise the on going plot of the war seems almost like an add-on. While we're only 10 threads into the 'story', it's difficult to really care about how the war is going beyond "I guess we've been deployed for another fight".

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REVIEW pt3

Writing.
There are a few weird things to note, but first of all I do want to point out that I noticed Observer would take some of the idle chatter and conjecture of players into account while writing; Often tying them in or including them in the scene's dialogue and considerations. It's a small touch, but I enjoy the extra level of immersion it adds for the reader when their 'thoughts' are being represented beyond just majority votes.

Now that said, there are some... Weird bits. At first I thought it was a singular character quirk, but after rereading some of the threads a few times, I realized that it's oddly difficult to find any sort of conjunction. They show up most often in Carla's writing, but as far as clones go - The MC specifically - They're conspicuously absent. This isn't exactly a good or bad thing, but it was odd enough for me to notice, and from there realize that conjunctions in general seem to be strangely less abundant than normal.

Once I noticed it, I started reading conversations in a much more formal tone, and it's admittedly been a little weird. Typically conjunctions are used to imply familiarity, or a sense of casualness in the speaker/environment. Over time we've all come to kind of kind of find a balance between them where we're comfortable, so when they suddenly vanish like this, it can become subtly jarring - And then a little unnerving if it becomes egregious enough to consciously note. Was this a conscious choice on the QM's side? This kind of speech is also relatively common in people who don't have english as a first language, since they learn to speak and write in a more strict manner, so is that possibly an element?

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REVIEW pt4

Writing Cont.

I mentioned earlier that fatality levels of the quest had an effect on the characters, and that effect is basically that they are relatively flat. Because of the nature of quest meaning they can die at any time, many of the characters are characterized by a particular quirk that comes to heavily define their entire dialogue or action preference. This makes SENSE, because when you need to rapidly endear a specific character out of what is effectively a cast of generics, you want to play up their individual traits quickly. It's a good choice, and well executed, but it also leaves the reader kind of hanging when it comes to knowing the cast a little more thoroughly.

This is somewhat where the trade-off begins. The less plot armor someone has, the more dangerous it is to dedicate effort to their backstory, past, and purpose in a story. If they die, then where are you left? Quest line closed? Conversely though, the more plot armor someone has, the less danger people feel in their choices.

A lot of your team in AT-TE are the sort you will get attached to, and worry about, but you do so more in the sense that they are cute pets or favored AI buddies you've managed to keep alive through your campaign. On a personal level, perhaps it's just my personal experience, but I felt very little interest or value in many of them as people. This is what I mean by the characters feeling flat, and while I can see why it's done and am aware of the dangers of adding more depth to their interactions when they could die at any time, I can't help but wonder if there could stand to be a bit more of a middle ground between the lovable generic unit and the "I Get My Own Portrait" characters.

I feel like Joker is a good example of that balance. His guarded behavior is his quirk, but he's had more depth easily implied to him that makes me interested in him as a person. Your driver, as well.

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REVIEW pt5

Writing End.

Finally there's the breakdowns that Jinx/CT-42/458 is [spoiler]not[/spoiler] having. Writing mental breakdowns or episodes from a PC perspective is difficult. You want them to be confusing or disorienting, but at the same time, from a narrative point of view, if they're too disjointed then the words become meaningless. Sometimes you do this really well! For example, when you were outlining the hazy memories of Jinx on the snowy planet and encountering the jedi, that was great. It was vague and confusing, but enough for the players to gain some semblance of meaning from it.

On the other hand, you have moments like the picture above where you seem to slide too far back towards repetitive and meaningless words. The intent there, I believe, was to emphasize the confusion of which directive Jinx should lend priority to - It conveys this, obviously, but in an awkward and bland manner. Most people will see the first line or two repeat, then glaze over the rest of it while scanning for unique lines.

This is where the divide between the confusion experienced by the PC and the way it is presented to the players becomes something of an issue. Generally, when writing, your first inclination here is to try and convey the senses of the PoV character to the reader... But in cases like these, and when unreliable narration comes into play (as I believe it will in the future of this quest), I feel like special attention should be paid to when a departure from conveyance should be had. Think about ways you can abstract the information and confusion, or where blanking your dialogue may be just as effective as repetitive lines.

While you can successfully convey information either way, I feel like your goal should be to have your readers hang onto your words for their meaning, rather than internalize it quickly and then skim the rest.

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CLOSING

AT-TE Commander is fun and the QM is handling a very precarious method of writing rather well. Fans of this quest are, I believe, well deserved! ...Unfortunately, and it may just be my lack of experience with the franchise, it is ultimately a fanfiction quest. I am constantly worried that I'm missing a lot of subtle clues or implications that this type of writing generally thrive on because I don't recognize the signs present in the pre-established world and lore. Since I DON'T have that familiarity, I can't say if this worry is well founded or not, but it lurks in the back of my mind often.

I would recommend this quest to people trying to get a better grasp on writing as an unreliable narrator and handling freak outs from the PC point of view. I'd also recommend this to people who enjoy Star Wars, as it is a well executed quest in the vein of that franchise! However, previous knowledge of Star Wars is obviously just "assumed" to be held, so I wouldn't recommend this to anyone not familiar with the series already, or to those who get upset over heavily RNG generated severe consequences.

It makes no effort to deny that it is a brutal affair, or to hide the nature of its unreliable narration. If you are the type to become overly attached, you'll probably have a bad time. If you're looking for deeper, more meaningful character interactions, you likely won't find it here. However, the action is well rounded and all of the NPCs are easy to like and get acquainted with. Whether or not the overarching plot of Jinx's identity and past eventually shapes up to become strong enough to stand on its own is something we'll just have to see about as it unfolds, but for now there's just not enough content there for me to say that it can hold its own without the novelty of a Star Wars logo.

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Finally, welcome back from your hiatus, Observer. I'm sure your players are excited to get back into the thick of things and find out for themselves just where this rabbit hole of yours is leading!

[spoiler]Stay Professional.[/spoiler]