March of the Penguins 2 - Sonic buys some Weed - Part 2

Part 1: http://pastebin.com/dybyNPfj

Greetings and salutations. In this excerpt, which you are about to read, you will learn about Alfonz. Alfonz is a man, a man in Equestria. But you see, in this Equestria, there are no stallions, there are no foals, but there ARE copious amounts of hormonally crazed mares. Alfonz is quite strict on his "no porking colorful equines" policy, though, and this makes his life there very difficult.

In this wacky adventure, he has been exposed to a bizarre stone that happened to contain extreme magical potency! Well played, mysterious sender, well played! And now, he's only about two or three inches tall, in Ponyville, rape capital of Equestria! Well ain't that some shit?

In part one of the story, linked above, Alfonz was abducted by none other than Lyra Heartstrings! Taken captive at the mare's home, the man was treated like a toy until he attempted a daring escape. Lyra's retaliation was swift: Alfonz was almost crushed beneath her monstrous rear! In the end, he managed to evade her notice and escape to the outside world, but are his troubles truly over?

***

...He was still tiny, still stuck in Ponyville, and still surrounded by gargantuan horny pastel colored ponies. He was far from home free, but at least he wasn’t suffocating under the arse of a monster horse.

His immediate course of action, if nothing else, was painfully clear: get the [i]hell[/i] away from Lyra’s place. When she found he was no longer there, she would undoubtedly come looking for him, and he wanted to be as far away as possible when it happened. Hopping off into the grass, the man found himself once again engulfed by the greenery. Progress would be even slower than usual, but at least he had the element of stealth on his side. As the tiny human determined his next course of action, he struggled through the grass as best he could, intent on leaving the foul lair of his abductor far behind.

A few ponies moseyed about not far away – to a creature of normal height – but appeared deceptively far away to the microscopic man. None of them seemed to be aware of his presence, however, and he felt himself relax a little. If he kept low and remained in the cover of the grass, it was unlikely he would be discovered. Regardless, he hadn’t a clue how to proceed. His one place of safety – Canterlot – was beyond him in his current state, and without magic of his own or a friendly face to courier him, what the hell could he do?

Alfonz was so intent on his thoughts that he almost didn’t notice the new arrival. A few of the ponies had already come and gone around him at this point, and normally he wouldn’t have paid much attention, but this one was more than a little peculiar. A unicorn mare of a light red color and darker red mane was sweeping from side to side with her nose to the ground like a bloodhound on the hunt. The unicorn’s underbelly sagged abnormally low to the ground and, in a moment of profound confusion, Alfonz had thought her pregnant. When the excess girth reverberated with a sharp movement, however, he realized the truth.

How strange. Although many body types existed in Equestria, most nameless “background ponies” had been – almost to the point of being eerie – cut from the same mold. Now, for the first time since he had arrived in Equestria, he was seeing a pony that was actually overweight – even if said weight only seemed to collect around her stomach.

Was her abnormal behavior connected to this somehow? Was he about to witness some cartoony display about a chubby pony on the hunt for pastries and other foods? Alfonz chuckled at the thought, but the sound died in his throat as he realized the mare was drawing closer. Ducking into the grass, the miniaturized human only allowed for his eyes to peek over the greenery, watching the red mare weave back and forth. When she first appeared, her hoofsteps were lost in the distance, but now, he could feel them vibrating his bones. The unicorn seemed incredibly focused on her task, almost tearing the grass from the ground with each sniff. She was definitely hot on the trail of something, and Alfonz could feel his uneasiness building.

In moments, the shadow of the mare had plunged him into darkness. The equine herself was looming not far away, and throughout her search her nose drew very close at times, but always veered away abruptly before reaching his hiding place. Eventually, after several tense moments, she turned her back to him and stalked off, her sniffing only intensifying. Alfonz finally let out a breath, but abruptly choked on it as the mare swung around and lunged.

Alfonz’s world became pitch black as the unicorn’s mouth closed around him. He could feel the monstrous horse’s teeth press against his waist, and feared for a moment that this would be his end. The feeling was deliberately gentle, however, and he found himself ascending rapidly as the red mare raised her head. She was carrying him now – he could feel the rhythmic shift of his new abductor as she walked – and, although he couldn’t see it, he could sense how pleased she was with herself.

The man found himself giggling in oblivious relief, the sound almost seeming to echo in the dark confines of the unicorn’s mouth. Another near death experience to add to his ever-growing list! Why a unicorn, with all their obnoxious magic, would be carrying him around in her mouth like a filthy mud pony was beyond him, but he didn’t care. He was a prisoner again, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t dead, and that was enough for now.

“I appreciate the ride, but can you let me down now?” he asked, ignoring the fruitlessness of his actions. He was feeling a bizarre rush of hope, and just couldn’t help himself. “Really, it’s fine. Just let me out of here, it’s disgusting.” His head and chest were already coated in saliva, and it was more than a little gross.

The mysterious red mare relaxed her jaw slightly, giving him some much needed breathing room. As Alfonz opened his mouth to give her a sarcastic “thank you”, the mare gently tilted her head back. “Wh-what the hell are you doing?!” he cried, trying to find some sort of purchase on the unicorn’s slippery tongue. He tried to hook his feet on her teeth, but found himself far too late. With a sudden intake of air, the man was sent sliding rapidly toward the back of her throat. Despite all his efforts to stop his descent in the seconds that followed, he could only manage to turn himself around. In moments, his legs dangled over the edge of the abyss, and the man lunged for something – anything – to save his life.

His desperate grabs finally found salvation in the form of the unicorn’s back teeth – the very last tooth, to be exact. Clinging for his life, Alfonz’s surroundings were sparsely lit by the light seeping in from the mare’s partially opened mouth. The gargantuan equine’s tongue twitched a few times in an attempt to dislodge him, but had little effect.

Alfonz screamed, incoherently and relentlessly. He could barely think, his mind clouded by a mix of fear, desperation, and confusion. What the [i]fuck[/i] was this? Of all the possible outcomes of his life in this twisted version of Equestria, he had never expected “being eaten by a pony” to be one of them. Not in a million years. And for good reason; they were herbivores, extremely strict herbivores. None of this made sense. It was maddening.

The tiny human tried to calm down; losing his shit now would not help the situation. He needed to think. He could feel the unicorn moving, her pace unaltered despite the circumstances. Did she think so little of her actions?

Alfonz hung there, his grip gradually losing what remained of its strength, for what felt like an eternity. He tried calling out to the mare, either to plead for his life or damn her to the deepest bowls of hell, but received no response. Only the distant sounds of his host’s beating heart, and the occasional muffled sound from the world beyond, reached his ears now. Light would come and go as the unicorn opened and closed her mouth, raising his hopes of possible rescue numerous times in the process, only to see them crushed before him. He had tried to be the architect of his own freedom – trying to pull himself up from his doom – a few times, but the pain in his arms and chest barely allowed him to maintain his grip, let alone climb.

And then, without warning, the mare stopped.

Alfonz held his breath. Whether this was a good thing or a bad thing, he couldn’t tell. The unicorn hadn’t attempted to dislodge him so far, no matter how easy such a thing would be in her position. But she had also tried to [i]kill[/i] him; he doubted she had suddenly grown a conscience.

The man was abruptly blinded as the mare opened her mouth wide, his eyes having grown accustomed to the disgusting dark. Before he could brace for what was to come, the unicorn dropped her head down at an angle. The sudden shift in direction threw Alfonz’s legs over his head, and the man was forced to relinquish his grasp on the tooth or risk breaking his wrists.

He found himself falling along the slick surface of the monstrous pony’s tongue once again, but, to his relief, he was headed away from the dreaded abyss that was the mare’s throat. His world suddenly became painfully bright as he spilled out of her mouth, landing with a soft thud in the grass. Even before his eyes regained their focus, the man was already crawling; he didn’t have the luxury of waiting around to leave at his convenience. This was a miracle of an opportunity – one of many today – and he prayed it would have as much success as the others.

The sharp greenery of hillside grass slowly faded into view all around him. The tiny man was pushing and groping his way through the sharp blades, like a newborn unfamiliar with the world around it. He couldn’t tell where he had been taken to, but the grass told him he was still outside, and not being confined to a crazy horse’s domain was already a major plus.

A sudden pressure on his back abruptly forced him deeper into the grass. Alfonz winced as the blades cut into his skin in places, but the true pain had yet to come. As he reached the bare dirt beneath the grass, the object above him only continued to press downward, sending a spike of pain through his chest. His ribs had not come out of his previous encounter unscathed; the pressure on him now only continued to remind him of that fact.

“Now now, don’t be like that,” a voice cooed from above. The man watched as the familiar haze of a unicorn’s magic bled into his view, this one a light red in color. The pressure relented at last, and he found himself ascending. This gave him a chance to observe his surroundings, at least; they were on some sort of a hill in the country, with a large apple tree situated at the top. Alfonz was slowly turned to face his captor, and found that she had taken up residence underneath the shadow of the tree. The mysterious red mare laid herself out on her side luxuriously, drawing considerable attention to her weightier midsection.

Before his aggressor now, Alfonz quickly found the strength to speak.

“What…the hell,” he began lowly, staring, unblinkingly, at the gargantuan pony before him. She only continued to smile. “What the fuck was that?” he asked, his voice dangerously quiet. “You’re a horse. Horses don’t eat meat.”

“I’m willing to give you a chance-“ the mare began, giving him an amused roll of her eyes.

Alfonz was half a second from laying into the mare with all his remaining strength, but hesitated at the last moment. Apparently, his plight wasn’t over, and this wasn’t as surprising as it should be. “What do you mean, ‘a chance’?”

“You’re a tenacious little thing! So I’ve decided to give you a head start. Play a little game, mm?”

“Well thank-fucking-god for that. You’re too kind,” the man replied bitterly, scowling at her. “Can you at least tell me your name, so I can find you later and turn you into glue?”

The mare thought for a moment. “No,” she said at last, relinquishing her magical control and allowing him to fall – quite painfully – back to the earth below.

“Real…fair,” he muttered, loud enough for his aggressor to hear. “Damn near break my legs, then expect me to get away from that horn.”

“Oh, I won’t be using any magic, silly!” the unicorn replied with a playful wave of her hoof. Alfonz wasn’t sure how to respond to that. With her magic out of the way, things [i]should[/i] be much easier for him. But the fact she felt so confident without it made him uneasy.

A tense silence descended over the two.

“I would get moving if I were you,” the mare said at last, her concern surprisingly genuine.

Alfonz started with a jolt, realizing that his life was in danger. The tiny human took off into what could have been a run, had he been on level footing – with the grass constantly in his way, it looked more like “drunken falling in the direction of freedom.”

His progress was slow, of course. He had come to appreciate how much effort it took to get around at this scale by now, that was sure. If you didn’t have wings, grass was damn near your mortal enemy. And being human-shaped probably didn’t help; he wasn’t exactly designed to move up and down blades of grass at the speed an insect would. Even after five minutes of grueling, unrelenting foraging through the greenery, he could still see the top of the mare’s head looming in the distance.

If she was expecting a challenge, she would surely be disappointed.

Even as Alfonz hurried over another clump of grass, he wracked his brain for some kind of an answer to the situation. Simply outrunning the unicorn was out of the question for very obvious reasons. He could try and hide, and, normally, he would have guessed it would work. But given how the mysterious red horse had found him in the first place, it was unlikely to do more than delay the inevitable.

Unlike his previous encounters, where he had a handful of stupid or otherwise ridiculous ideas that would sometimes work out, now, he had none. Unless Princess Luna fell from the sky and suplexed the mare into oblivion, he was beyond screwed.

And, for once, he wasn’t making a pun.

“Ready or not, here I come!” the cheery voice of his executioner echoed behind him. By now, at least, he could no longer see her. He estimated it would take about twenty seconds for her to reach his location, though.

All Alfonz could do was press on for as long as possible. Pushing another collection of blades out of the way, he stole a quick glance over his shoulder. Sure enough, the unicorn’s head reappeared just above the grass around him, swerving from side to side in long sweeps. Instinctively, he stopped; she appeared to be scanning the grass for movement, and he wasn’t going to make it [i]that[/i] easy for her.

Slowly, he lowered himself deeper into the greenery. The enormous equine disappeared behind the towering blades as he sank, thinking. Moving was too dangerous now, but perhaps he had gotten as far as was necessary. Lowering himself onto his stomach, Alfonz found a sizeable space between the grass blades and struggled through it. Normally, he had moved through the foliage by pushing what stood before him to the side, or mashed it down so he could step over it. Doing so had the side effect of making a small indentation in the grass itself, at least until he passed and the grass sprung back into place.

Now, he was doing the opposite; he hoped to hide in an undisturbed patch, and maybe, by some miracle, pass by the mare’s searching gaze. He also crawled back the way he came, hoping that if the unicorn was hunting him by sent, she would travel the length of the trail to seek him out. If he simply hid at the end of said trail, his detection would be inevitable.

His plan, as hasty and ill-advised as ever, was beyond a shot in the dark, but it was all he had.

Alfonz felt the approach of his foe. His face buried in the grass, he felt somewhat safer knowing that he could not see his doom, much like how an ostrich feels safer with its head in the dirt. A second after the feeling began, it reached a new level of strength. Only now, with the red giant looming over him, did he realize how serious the danger of being crushed was. Perhaps hiding wasn’t as safe an option as he thought.

The man’s heart began to race as the thunderous progress of his enemy did not continue. Did his ploy about the trail fail? Or was she completely oblivious to where he was, and her proximity was simply a coincidence?

A sudden gout of air washed over the man’s back, and for another fear-stricken moment he thought his time had come at last. A moment later, he felt a renewed radiance shine upon him, and summoned just enough courage to take a glance at the source. The grass that had been directly above him, shielding him from his doom, had been completely stripped away, revealing him to the sun. The monstrous equine he had been hiding from loomed overhead, chewing contently.

She looked him right in the eye as she swallowed.

“Oh come on!” Alfonz cried, rolling onto his back. He had barely lasted a minute! What the hell kind of a chance did he really have?!

“Hi there!” the unicorn greeted with an innocent smile. “That was fun!”

“It was a blast,” the tiny human replied sarcastically, glaring up at her.

“Now I think some quality time is in order,” the mare declared. Alfonz watched in horror was the equine’s gargantuan head descended upon him, engulfing up to his waist within her dripping maw once more. His legs flailing outside her lips in protest, the tiny human was brought back up the hill with his captor. The experience was many times more horrifying than the last; instead of merely holding him in place with her teeth, she assailed him with her tongue like he was some sort of living popsicle.

After one particularly violent jostle, the mare’s jaws relented and he spilled out of her mouth with a gasp. Falling a short distance, Alfonz’s impact was a surprisingly soft one. Instead of the jagged vigil of grass blades, he found himself on the soft bristle of pony fur; instead of the hard earth beneath his arse, he found only cushiony flesh.

The monstrous equine was seated beneath the tree once more, in the same position as before. He was perched on her distended stomach with her enormous head not far away, her luminous emerald eyes putting a tangible weight on his body with their gaze. Quite the lazy position for someone about to kill him, surely, but with the horn of hers, she wouldn’t need very much to do it.

“Why?” he asked, falling to his hands and knees. “This is not how ponies work…”

“It’s nothing personal. Really!” his captor assured him with a surprising level of sincerity. “I just can’t help myself.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before…” he muttered. He paused. “Wait what– “

The unicorn’s magic gripped him before he could complete the thought. The following seconds were a nightmarish blur. He was hoisted above the mare’s head, suspended by his arms like some sort of offering of grapes to bedridden nobility. Her mouth opened beneath him, its gargantuan width only adding to the horror of the moment. It was a sickening fate. After all he had endured, this was how Alfonz’s life would end.

The unicorn’s magic cut out, and the tiny man was thrust into a free fall. Seconds later, the mare’s jaws slammed shut around him, plunging him into the grotesque darkness he had longed to escape from not long ago. Alfonz could feel a brief impact he had with his foe’s tongue before he entered another free-fall. This time, there would be no last ditched effort that saved him from his fate. The enormous equine swallowed, and the man was pulled down to his doom.

What happened next, he could scarcely remember. With no light inside the interior of a pony, he could not see his hand in front of his face. With no oxygen inside the gullet of a living creature, he quickly found himself choking on his last ounce of air. And with corrosive acid all around him, it didn’t take long for him to start feeling its sting. What his host had done after her victory, he hadn’t a clue. With only the rhythmic beating of her heart to console him, Alfonz struggled to maintain consciousness in his toxic environment.

And then it was over…and not in the way he had expected.

With a bright flash, a rush of air filled his lungs. Sight returned to his eyes, blinding him with sudden light and color. The sounds of birds chirping in the distance reached his ears, and the gentle – perhaps less so at this scale – caress of the wind blew by his face. All the wonders of his senses returned to him, filling him with astonishment and confusion.

As his eyes gradually adjusted to the sudden change, he found himself staring into the gigantic orbs of the pony who was to be his doom.

“Wha…Ho…I don’t,” he stammered, his mind reeling from what had just transpired. Alfonz manically examined himself to confirm that he was, in fact, alive; besides minor damage done to his clothes, the man was intact and unharmed.

“What?” the unicorn asked. “You thought I was going to…? Haha!” she laughed, giving him a wild smile. “I’m a pony, silly!”

“I don’t even brain can’t am fuck,” Alfonz deadpanned, his eyes wide and his face contorting in the deepest frown he could muster. This was madness. This was a place of pure insanity.

The red glow of the monstrous horse’s magic returned, gently lifting Alfonz off his perch on her midsection. The man hardly resisted, his brain fried and desperately attempting to maintain its place in reality. His leg slowly bent at the knee, exposing the bottom of his shoe. The bright glow from the limb seemed to snap him out of his delirium, and he turned to regard it. A bright green rune, etched in blazing magicks, was positioned dead center on the sole of his sneaker.

“What…” he muttered, unsure how to process the new information.

“So I could find you,” the unicorn explained, “when you were…inside,” she concluded sheepishly. “I didn’t cheat in our game earlier, promise!”

Alfonz slowly looked from the rune to the one responsible, completely dumbfounded. “I want to go home…”

“Oh, but didn’t you have fun today?” the red giant asked, seeming almost desperate. “We can keep having fun together. You don’t have to leave.”

The tiny human gave her a strange look, one of both disgust and confusion. Then, it dawned on him. Even if she didn’t want to truly [i]eat[/i] him, she wanted this to become a regular thing. To endure that, over and over, only to be retrieved and forced through it again…

“I’m sure you’ll warm up to the idea!” the mare said at last, giving him another wide smile, in the same refusal-denying tone he had come to expect. Just the sight of her grin gave him the creeps.

This was a fate worse than death.

“Can you put me down, please?”

The nameless mare hesitated for a moment before relenting with a nod. Alfonz was gently lowered back into the grass, and the mare made no move to guard against possible escape. Branded as he was, even if he somehow evaded her, she would surely find him again in no time.

That didn’t stop him from running, though.

Flinging himself through the greenery like a wild man, Alfonz didn’t care about the pointlessness of his actions. He had been pushed beyond all reason. He just wanted to get away, to leave this waking nightmare behind.

In the distance, he could see another pony coming toward the hill; a plain, tan-skinned mare with a deep blue mane. At first, he paid it little mind, but then something caught his eye. There was something strange about this pony, and for a moment he thought it might be another chubby variant. No, that wasn’t it, but he could see something between its legs. No…not just one; there were two of them.

They were…they were…

Alfonz A. Clyde, a man who had been beset by horny equines for months, fought in many a fierce pony-punching battle, survived being robusted with a giant horse’s arse and endured the descent into another’s gullet, screamed in horror and feinted on the spot.

***

Thanks for reading!