SPIDERRRRSS (twifaggotry, horror/comedy) f

Fixed and revised version that way; https://www.fimfiction.net/story/438879/1/tap-tap-tap/lets-fly-to-the-fucking-castle

>”WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”
>You jump up at the sound of a panicked scream resonating all throughout the castle
>That was your mare
>Now, statistically speaking, there's a good chance you have nothing to worry about
>This was most likely due to a prank from the pink one, or maybe but less likely but still possible; the rainbow one
>Or maybe her realizing she's missed some important astronomical event that won't occur again for another hundred years
>Or maybe she found out you lied about the average height of the human male
>Or maybe... she found some clues about what happened to that 'The future is stallionist' book Rarity kindly offered her a couple years ago
>In which case maybe you should consider turning 360° and moonwalking your way out for a few hours
>BUT, it could also be an actual, proper scream of terror, in which case she could need your help
>Again, not very likely, her being a horse demigoddess and all kinds of make your banal and very magicless human body not the best at handling equestrian threats, comparatively speaking
>But if there's a single chance you could provide assistance, then you have to take it
>Thankfully, your body came up with that conclusion all on its own while you were pondering about the possible reasons for this event to trigger
>Which is why you've been running for a good thirty seconds already, trying to find your little princess
>Fuck why is this castle so big in the first place, ughh
>And why does it even need intersections?!
“Twilight?! Where are--Oof?!”
>Your body hits the ground before you could even register something pushed you down, and it keeps going for a while as well
>Whatever it is that hit you, it did so with enough force to push you all the way to the wall
>You need a good second to reassess the situation, but you can already feel the shock is going to leave a mark
>But you quickly discard the pain when you realize the cause of your tumble
>Or the culprit, rather
“Twilight!”


>She looks just as disoriented as you are, slowly trying to lift herself up and unraveling the mess of hooves and legs your stumble stuck her in while shaking her head
>It doesn't take you more than a second to decide to help her
“Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't see you--”
>”ANON!”
>You recoil a bit at her tone
“I'm right here, no need to scre--”
>”We need to go! NOW!”
>The second her four hooves are on the floor, her horn flashes purple and you find your hand surrounded in the tingling aura helping you up
“Why?! What happened?!”
>Okay, it may be an actual, proper code red
>She's terrified, that much is certain
>”SPIDER! LIBRARY!”
>...
“A spider?”
>”Not just any spider! That one is huge!”
“Like the last one?”
>She frowns
>”In my defense, that one looked much bigger when it was close enough I could hear it breathing!”
>That gets a rising eyebrow out of you
“You've defeated villains the size of literal mountains before,”
>”None of them looked like spiders!”
“You've also defeated demons, demigods, chimeras, the queen of a species of quadrupedal bugs filled with holes--”
>”I told you not to call them that!”
“And you're scared spiders,”
>”I'm not scared of spiders! Only the ones that are the size of my hoof!”
>You can't help but roll your eyes
>Classic Twilighting
>You'd lie if you said you didn't find that part of her endearing anyway
>So with a sigh, and a quick headpat for your mare, you decide to take matter into your own hands
“Let's go and find that spider then,”
>”Didn't you hear what I just said?! We can't go back in there!”
“That's word for word what you said last time,”
>She harrumphs


“And what else can we do anyway? Do you plan on never going into that library ever again or something?”
>”We could... go fetch Fluttershy? Maybe she could do something!”
>Another roll of your eyes
“Okay well, you go fetch Fluttershy, and maybe the airforce while you're at it, and I'll go and get us rid of that evil spider,”
>Sadly, your sarcasm is completely and utterly ignored
>Something you dearly miss from the times where ponies thought you were a serious being
>”NO!”
>You're pulled back before you could even take a single step
>”I'm not letting you go in there alone!”
>You gotta say though, this is thrilling
>Not only her displaying how much she cares about you, that's a given
>But the fact that you can be useful
>...somewhat
>It's not a lot but it's something
>It's not like you have a lot of occasions to prove your manliness in this alien world
>It feels good to show them you're worthy, or something silly like that
>You're no shrink
“Well then, just stick behind me while I have a look, alright?”
>She's obviously not persuaded
“Worst case scenario, you cut one of my legs and you run while it starts eating me, deal?”
>There's still worry in her eyes, but this one at least reaches the corner of her lips
>Good enough


>It doesn't take you long to reach the crime scene
>You can feel the wing wrapped around your hip shivering upon reaching the double doors
>They're barely open, yet you can't seem to be able to see anything past the narrow gap, not only is something hindering your sight, but the room on the other side looks to be completely devoid of light sources
>Which is very strange since that library must have at least five windows and, though the sun is slowly setting, there should still be more than enough light to see what was on the other side
>That gives you pause
“Did you... huh... did you close the curtains or something?”
>You turn your head to look at your shaking mare, her eyes having turned the size of pinpricks as she visibly ponders about what could be waiting for you behind those doors
>And she shakes her head
“N-no...”
>Okay well, whatever, let's get this over with
>It's just a spider, what could possibly go wrong
>Her winged hold onto you tightens as your hand reaches for the door's handle
>You push it, trying to get the thing to open, at first using a moderate amount of strength, the same you would expect for such a door, but it's barely budging
>Rather, you can feel some sort of elastic force holding it back
>So you push it harder, this time hard enough to push a grunt out of you, and sure enough, it opens up
>And as the light from the many windows on your back pours into the room, your eyes widen
>As expected, what was holding the door was webbing
>So much webbing
>So much webbing every fucking where
>You gasp and your mare eeps in surprise
>Bewilderment
>Terror
>The light can't really reach the back of the room, yet you can still somewhat distinguish forms and shades and more threading connecting the various shelves around the room, the barest amount of light being reflected here and there
>Oh, there's some on the floor as well
>...and all the way to the fucking ceiling
>The 15 feet high ceiling
“Mother of god,”
>”I told you so!”


>tap tap tap tap tap tap
>What the
“What was that?!”
>”I don't want to know!”
>tap tap tap
>What the fuck is that sound
>The ceiling?
>”I don't like this, we need to go now!”
>You don't like it either
>You never heard a spider making noise before
“So, huh... when you said it was as big of your hoof, you were talking about its width right, not it's length or--”
>tap tap tap
>OK
>Let's close that shit and call the shy one
>You go and grab the handle again and--
>tap tap tap tap
>It's getting closer--
>TAP
>You don't need to use that sound to estimate where the thing was anymore since it dropped right in front of you and in plain light
>It's a spider
>Or something of the likes, your brain is too busy declaring DEFCON 1 to count how many legs the shit has
>And a fraction of a second later, it turns towards the both of you (assuming THAT was its face) and the tapping resume
>TAP TAP TAP TAP
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!”
>”CLOSE IT CLOSE ITCLOSEITCLOSEITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”
>Fear and surprise had you frozen solid, your mind barely had the time to come up with an escape plan before her words reached you
>Which thankfully lead you to slam the door closed in time to keep the evil on the other side, before your instincts took over and you recoiled from the barrier protecting you from whatever was tap tap taping about on the other side
>You also may or may not have let out your manliest wail to date as you were shuffling about the ground
>And by wail you mean warcry, of course
>”I-I, just let me, I'm sure I know of a spell to lock it--”


>NOPE
>You don't even give her the time to finish her sentence that you were already up, leapt towards her and snatched her mid air before throwing her over your shoulder as you would a bag of potatoes and started sprinting faster than a fellow african-american holding a bike that wasn't yours
“Fuck this shit, we're so out of here!”
>She yelped in surprise but otherwise didn't express any argument towards your choice of action
>Corners and intersections pass by as you run like a mad man
>Another floor down, and you still have one to go!
>Fuuuck, why is this castle so big
>Another corner--
>And you step into something
>Something that made a crunchy sound when stepping onto
>You nearly stumble as you slow down, trying to stop your progression to check onto what it was that you stepped into
>It was it!
>Or one of them
>Or something like it!
“What the fuck is that?!”
>Your princess turns around and her wings start flapping on reflex the second her eyes land on it
>”Eeeep!”
>But your hold is enough to keep her down and against you
>The last thing you need is uncoordinated movements and separating yourselves
>You've seen alien, thank you very much
>But another second of observation is enough to make you realize it isn't it at all
>At least, it's much smaller than it, and it looks whitish and
>Empty


“It's empty?”
>You take another couple of seconds to calm yourself down, before you start moving towards it to examine it further
>”Why are you going that way?! Let's go the other way!”
“No, no, look!”
>It takes her a great amount of effort to turn her eyes towards it as you start playing with the thing with the tip of your boot
“It's just shedding, it looks like,”
>”Yes, okay, it's its molt, I saw it, can we go now?!”
“Okay, okay! I just thought maybe we could learn something is all! Aren't you the academic one here?!”
>”Oh I'm sorry for being too busy caring about our survival to care about what its shedding is like!”
“Come on, let's calm down a bit, we're two floors down and last I heard spiders didn't know how to open doors, I think we can relax for now--”
>”Relax?! How do you think that thing got here in the first place?!”
>She said, pointing at the empty shell
>”And how do you know there's only one of these things anyway?! For all we know, there could be dozens of them crawling all over the castle--”
>tap tap tap
>You both gasp in unison
>That was on your right
>tap tap tap
>That was behind
>SHIT
“YOU JINXED IT!”
>”I DID NOT!”
>You don't really take the time to think things through that you push the door on your left open and rush in, slamming the door behind you and locking it
>”Why'd you lock ourselves into the 47th's guest bedroom?!”
>She asks you as she takes off from your grasp in a couple of flaps
“Well EXCUSE me princess, but there was one of those things blocking the exit!”
>Your tone makes her recoil and she takes a second to reply with a sigh
>”Ugh, sorry, the stress is getting to me,”
>You nod
“It's fine,”
>Not the time to worry about this anyway


>“Oh my gosh, what are we going to do?!”
“You could blast them?”
>You shrug
>”I AM NOT blasting those poor things!”
“Why not?!”
>”They didn't do anything wrong! I can't just blast living creatures for no reason--”
“They want to fucking eat us! How's that not a good enough reason to blast them!”
>”You don't know that! Maybe they're just trying to communicate or--”
“OH SURE, here, just let me go and ask them if they would like to join us for fucking brunch or something!”
>TAP TAP TAP TAP
>Those were loud
>Much louder than anything you've heard until now, whatever it is that's making these sounds, it must be the size of a dog
>That gets the both of you to shut up again
>TAP TAP TAP
>A really big dog
>SLAM
>You both turn towards the door
>SLAM
>WHAT THE SHIT
>A dog big enough to ram a fucking door?!
>Shit
>Shit shit shit
>SLAM
>WHAT DO YOU DO?!
>The purple mare looks just as muddled as you are
>Then, a glare catches the corner of your eye as the sun's last rays reach the border of the huge window adorning the room
>That's a way out
>For her, at least
>You couldn't survive the drop, let alone reach the window since it's so high up
>But she can fly
>Guess this is it
>The end of the ride
>You still had shit to do, but
>Yeah
>You have to tell her
>It's now or never
“Twilight,”
>She turns to you, letting out a breath she seemingly wasn't aware she was holding in the first place as you interrupt her train of thoughts
“Listen, this is very, very important,”
>She looks puzzled, but she nods nonetheless
“I know this is going to sound really weird, even for me, but I--”
>SLAM
>FUCK


“In the fridge, the ice cubes in the back?”
>She frowns a bit, not sure where you're going with this
“They're made of my liquid love,”
>It takes her a couple of seconds to process your words
>”Your WHAT?!”
“My semen, if you will,”
>”I UNDERSTOOD WHAT YOU MEANT--”
“I know! I know you're going to be mad, and you have all the reasons to be mad! My bad! Honest!”
>She makes a face, but you're unsure whether it's one of disgust or fear or contempt, you're too busy thinking up your last words
“But listen, I knew something like this would happen someday, and I just thought, you know, I needed to find a way to leave a little bit of myself into this world, and so I'd write this epic last will where I'd tell you about it and about how I want my first son to be named after my dad and that would make every cry and all that but, yeah, I never got around to writing it, you know I'm bad at writing and stuff,”
>SLAM
>The door is starting to give out, the poor lock creaking under the creature's weight
“Anyways, you have to blast that window and get out while you still can,”
>You tell her, pointing out the window in question
>”What?! Wait, what about you--”
“We don't have time, it'll be fine, you need to get out right now,”
>You grab her and pull her into a hug before she can reply
“I'm glad I got to know you Twilight, I love you,”
>You're unsure how you're able to keep the tears in, especially as she tightens her hold onto you as your words reach her
>Maybe the adrenaline
>SLAM
>Anyway, you'll have all the time to think about this in the underworld
“Now, LET'S FLY THE CASTLE!”
>”WAIT WHAT--”
>She squeaks as you grab her by the barrel and hurl her towards the window
>She blasts it at the last second and you let out a relieved sigh as you see her flared wings disappear from your sight
>That's it
>She's safe


>SLAM
>BAM
>You turn around as the door finally collapses
>The creature takes a good second to realize the door finally went down, and your eyes finally meet
>Though you're kind of confused as to which ones you're supposed to be looking at
>The bigger ones, you're guessing
>TAP TAP TAP TAP
>It decides to get it over with and finally rushes for you, its numerous legs making short work of the distance
>Hopefully it'll kill you quickly, you'd rather not the last thing she heard from you was your agonizing screams
>...not that your sperm preservation confession was that much better, now that you think about it
>Still, you close your eyes and grit your teeth
>Then, a warm tingling feeling spreads all over your body
>Must be its venom already taking effect
>Maybe this isn't so ba------aaAAAAAAA?!
“What the?!”
>Your feet aren't touching the ground anymore, and your opened eyes confirm it
>You're flying
>In a purple aura
>Still, not fast enough to out-speed the eight legged mutant wanting sum of dat
>But your instincts kick in, literally, and you shove the freak back with a pump to the face, and a second later, you're levitated out of the window and right next to the flying purple
>Of course, your weak limb wasn't enough to get rid of the beast, or to deal any kind of damage really, and you can already hear the TAP TAP TAP followed by one of its legs poking through the frame
>Don't tell me it can jump too?!
>Before Twibtwab's horn flashes some more and a stream of glitters gush forth, covering the wall just as the creature was readying itself to jump for you, using its limbs as a sling of sort, but only resulting in a loud BONK as the magic protection proved more than enough to keep the evil contained
>Holy shit
>You're alive
>You try not to look down as you're still floating a good 30 feet in the air, but you're alive
>You don't think you ever felt your heart beating so fast in your life
>Even if you tell yourself that a lot since you came into this world


>And it's a short way down, her magic quickly and skillfully making you touch the soft grass, which you instantly sit unto, feeling the need to recover your breath after living through such events
>And you both spend the next ten seconds not saying anything, her sitting a couple feet next to you and watching up, making sure the thing does not break free
>The BONKS and loud scratching sounds telling you of its attempts at doing just that
>Well, you really didn't think you were getting out of that one
>To be fair, magic is still relatively new to you!
>You can't be expected to think about using it under stress like that!
>But that kinda makes things awkward
“Listen, Twi, about those ice-cubes--”
>”We are not talking about that,”
“But--”
>”Ever.”
>Oh shit, that was a period
>You never saw her use a period before
>Yikes
“So, huh...”
>”...”
“I guess that means we're moving? The castle is really too big anyway--”
>”Let's burn it.”
“Burn it?!”