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Apr 5th, 2019
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  1. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> man, i never even heard of this community until
  2. i met AJ
  3. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> that is actually a really interesting concept
  4. [07:07:03] <Rustish> i'd heard of them but never been involved with one
  5. of these until this
  6. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> ok so
  7. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> i got something to tell everyone here
  8. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> and hear me out please
  9. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> over 2 months ago i took a hiatus from my
  10. minecraft community
  11. [07:07:03] <&flex> also Rustish, I said "capable" >_> you have a lot to
  12. learn
  13. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> basically, i've been struggling with attention
  14. issues my whole life (all of 30 years)
  15. [07:07:03] <Rustish> flex, i know >_>
  16. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> i would put things forward to do, but then
  17. they'd get pushed back, and just waiting without anything to be done
  18. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> i got tired of this. I also had problems with
  19. one of my favorite games TF2, same attention issues as well
  20. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> so..........
  21. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> this is why i took a 2 month hiatus
  22. [07:07:03] <AlphaBlend> i wanted to find myself, i wanted to find that
  23. drive that had been lost.... i've made countless scripts/programs over
  24. the years because i'm a programmer, but honestly, i get distracted
  25. really easily
  26. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i clung to an old program i had last updated
  27. over 3 years and 8 months prior
  28. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i felt a drive
  29. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> a desire to work on something, because i was in
  30. the same environment for a long time
  31. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i wanted to find something else to occupy my
  32. thoughts, something to hopefully bring me to my senses
  33. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> during that whole time, i was also criticized
  34. for what i was doing
  35. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> people just didn't understand that i needed to
  36. take a break
  37. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> they wanted things done and i wasn't there so
  38. they thought i wasn't capable
  39. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> one such person, a good friend of mine, wanted
  40. to have me replaced, as a trial
  41. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> they wanted to see what would happen if someone
  42. else took my place
  43. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> well, that was a low point for me
  44. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i got so mad and frustrated
  45. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> my personal failurse suddenly came to the front
  46. and became so real to me
  47. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i was reminded of the few jobs i've had in my
  48. life and the failures i've had by being distracted and doing things
  49. other than what i should have done
  50. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> so
  51. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> being misunderstood, gravely i'd add, i felt
  52. alone
  53. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i felt like the people who mattered most to me
  54. did not understand
  55. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> and that i was the only one trying to bring
  56. myself up, when i felt others were trying to bring me down, because you
  57. know, they didn't really understand
  58. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> this experience ultimately lead to a mental
  59. breakdown the next day, one of the worst times of my life
  60. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> it felt so damn agonizing, trying to deal with
  61. the people who were close to me
  62. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i couldn't understand it
  63. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> well
  64. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> hours later, when i was pretty much over it
  65. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i felt something different
  66. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i felt a long lost passion to succeed, the
  67. feeling of always being in the present
  68. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> something i had not felt my whole life
  69. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE
  70. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> well
  71. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> 3 days later i had a mental breakthrough
  72. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> one of the happiest times of my life, which is
  73. funny because it contrasted with one of the worst times of my life 3
  74. days before
  75. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> alright so
  76. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> 4 days after that
  77. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i started setting some goals for myself
  78. [07:07:04] <&flex> SETTING GOALS
  79. [07:07:04] <&flex> yes
  80. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> this was strange because i had never done
  81. anything like this my whole life
  82. [07:07:04] <&flex> and sticking them out, right?
  83. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> so this was a new experience for me
  84. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> YES
  85. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> AND
  86. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> I DID NOT REALIZE
  87. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> HOW MANY THINGS I WANTED TO DO THAT I HAD PUT
  89. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> SO MANY THINGS
  90. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> so please
  91. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> PLEASE
  92. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i don't know these channels
  93. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i don't know them very well
  94. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> but if you have a desire
  95. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> you really should be putting goals before you
  96. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> here's another thing i learned
  97. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> my 30 years of life prior to this experience was
  98. for the most part aimless
  99. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i didn't set goals for myself
  100. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i just took life as it came
  101. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> and that's really not ideal
  102. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> there you go
  103. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> there's my rant
  104. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> now i have to make up for all the lack of time i
  105. spent working on things i wanted to work on
  106. [07:07:04] <&flex> here in #Invincible, we have done exactly the same
  107. thing since 2013, exactly the same thing
  108. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> :(
  109. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> yeah
  110. [07:07:04] <&flex> and we need to renew, decisively!
  111. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> that's exactly it
  112. [07:07:04] <&flex> by taking ACTION NOW
  113. [07:07:04] <&flex> towards our goals
  114. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> if you don't set goals for yourself, you won't
  115. realize how much happier you will be
  116. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i do feel a lot happier
  117. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> much happier
  118. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i don't even want to play TF2, I'm busy working
  119. on my community goals
  120. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> :)
  121. [07:07:04] <&flex> these are the words of one of my trusted associates
  122. [07:07:04] <&flex> he's not a member of the top 4
  123. [07:07:04] <&flex> he does not speak the same language as us
  124. [07:07:04] <&flex> but he has learned a valuable lesson
  125. [07:07:04] <&flex> and I assure you these words are coming from a man
  126. with a heart of gold
  127. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> you can't feel the same things i feel, but
  128. please take my word for it
  129. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> you may not know me, but i hope my experience
  130. can shed some light into what you want to accomplish in life
  131. [07:07:04] <&flex> though he may be only a denizen of #GRAND who likes a
  132. little anime on the side in his spare time, he embodies the spirit our
  133. community needs RIGHT NOW
  134. [07:07:04] <&flex> bravo, Joel
  135. [07:07:04] <&flex> I hope you get great benefit in life from this
  136. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> yeah
  137. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> though i don't wish to be a part of the
  138. higher-ups in this community
  139. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> since i have my own duties
  140. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> i can hopefully give you guys the drive you need
  141. to succeed
  142. [07:07:04] <AlphaBlend> may my story give you the needed boost
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