Jared's 7-year-old shit story

>be Jared
>be 7
>have to take a shit
>actually diarrhea
>everyone in the house has occupied all the bathrooms
>go outside
>take shit in a corner
>no toilet paper, use leaves to wipe my ass
>have to stick leaves a little bit 'up in there' to really get the shit out
>halfway through wiping, starts to feel itchy
>realize leaves are poison ivy
>run inside
>tell mommy about my problem
>tells me to bend over
>stretch out my asshole
>its all red and partially swollen on the inside
>feels like fire
>still have diarrhea
>while she's inspecting, I fart
>piece of shit flys into her mouth, pretty much in her throat
>she throws up, and runs to the sink
>still standing there bent over
>brothers were watching this whole time
>eventually run into bathroom and go in the tub
>feels good, but still have diarrhea
>sit on toilet, start shitting even though it's burning
>realize that some of the shit is coming out in hard chunks
>really, really bad smell
>have to keep one hand on my nose while the other is pulling out chunks from my asshole
>1 hand isn't enough, so I open the window and start taking out chunks with both hands
>brother is outside, smells the air and says "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?!"
>he stands next to the window and listens to me shitting
>finally get back in bathtub
>realize water is pitch black
>dry off and just go and lay down in my bed
>replay the events for at least 2 hours before falling asleep