Viking - Today at 1:42 PM
Does Jo not comprehend private space?
Like, did his family not have the concept of "this is my room don't enter it without permission"?
Dea field - Today at 4:12 PM
What are you talking about?
Viking - Today at 4:12 PM
I went to use my vacuum which I had stored in my office closet. It was not where I left it.
I did eventually find it in the coat closet.
But what that means is that Jo went into my office without my permission.
Dea field - Today at 4:14 PM
I never remember you ever saying he couldn't go in there???
Viking - Today at 4:14 PM
I've told him many times I don't like people going into my rooms without permission.
Dea field - Today at 4:14 PM
Also vaccum is the kind of thing that is a group commodity
Or something that is used by anyone in a living space
Viking - Today at 4:15 PM
I disagree entirely when I purchased it.
Dea field - Today at 4:15 PM
I'm just waking up for reference
Viking - Today at 4:15 PM
If I had left it in an area which was a shared space I would understand that line of thinking.
But the vacuum was left in a private space.
If he wanted to use it he can ask.
Dea field - Today at 4:16 PM
Pretty sure that was not a concern. Why ask to use a vacuum? That seems ridiculous to me
Viking - Today at 4:16 PM
I'm more concerned that he went into my private space without my permission.
I don't care why he did it.
He knows I have that as a boundary.
Or at least I've directly said this boundary to him.
Dea field - Today at 4:17 PM
I'm pretty sure it's not a clear boundry
Based on your actions
Viking - Today at 4:17 PM
Explain?
Dea field - Today at 4:17 PM
Since you choose to speak in a very enigmatic way
Always
Viking - Today at 4:18 PM
I've said literally "I don't want people going into my room without my permission when I'm not there"
Dea field - Today at 4:18 PM
Yeah
That never applied to me
Viking - Today at 4:18 PM
Yeah. And it is stupid for me not to enforce it with you.
Dea field - Today at 4:19 PM
And if you weren't in a house, and I was, and I needed a vaccum I would just get it, cause going into that space for a moment to retrieve it is hardly going in
If you are so concerned put a lock on the door
Viking - Today at 4:20 PM
That's my plan. I just didn't expect to pay money to secure an inside door against a situation like this.
Dea field - Today at 4:20 PM
Or don't leave things designed to clean the group spaces in private ones
Viking - Today at 4:20 PM
I guess we shall disagree then.
Dea field - Today at 4:20 PM
Cause I would see such a situation as ridiculous if you got angry with me over that
Cause that implies you think I would steal something
Which means you have no trust in me
Viking - Today at 4:21 PM
You're assuming my thought process.
Dea field - Today at 4:21 PM
Which is utterly insulting
No
Viking - Today at 4:21 PM
It does not mean that I think you would steal.
You are in my private space without my permission.
Dea field - Today at 4:21 PM
I'm saying what that gesture means to me
Viking - Today at 4:21 PM
It has nothing to do with stealing.
Dea field - Today at 4:21 PM
And what it would likely mean to others
Then why is it such a big deal?
Viking - Today at 4:22 PM
Because I don't want people in my private space without my permission.
I don't see how there is anything more to it.
That's my reason.
Dea field - Today at 4:22 PM
No. That is not a reason
Viking - Today at 4:22 PM
That's the literally the reason.
Dea field - Today at 4:22 PM
That is a repeat of statement
Viking - Today at 4:23 PM
I don't like when people are in my private space without my permission.
Dea field - Today at 4:23 PM
You are a smart man
Viking - Today at 4:23 PM
Which is a reason.(edited)
Dea field - Today at 4:23 PM
You are either hiding the reason or don't know
And because you are smart I think your hiding it
Which is insulting to me
Perhaps I merely don't remember if you ever told me.
Maybe you did once
Sadly I don't have the memory for it
Viking - Today at 4:24 PM
I am not hiding any reason. I'm laying it explicitly out on the line. I do not like people being in my private space without my permission. It is something I don't like, just like some people don't like touching others or having the windows wide open.
Dea field - Today at 4:25 PM
Some people know exactly why they they have those preferences
Most people could tell you why
You dont
You say you think deeply
Well. Think deeply
Everything has a reason
I could guess at many if it helps
Especially if you feel an emotional reaction to the initial scenario
Viking - Today at 4:27 PM
I'm going to go for a walk. I won't be available to respond for a bit.
Dea field - Today at 4:27 PM
Enjoy
Sorry if I'm upsetting you btw
I'm just trying to help...in my way
Viking - Today at 5:13 PM
No need  to apologize. It just seems that my boundaries and style of living don't match up with whatever expectations you and Jo have lived with or care to live with.
It is what it is and I'll deal with it.
Dea field - Today at 5:14 PM
Okay, I just wanna clarify some things. Cause I think this a matter of you not communicating clearly when you think you are
Cause that seems the be the base of most issues
Also at some point I would love to hear the reason. If you cannot think of one I would enjoy that discussion even though I have not the degree.
I would like to think I know you very well at least
Also i did live with you for a year. With almost no issue might I add
Both in terms of boundries and style(edited)
So I have no idea where you are getting that from except the fact that I have minor disagreement over 1 issue to date
Viking - Today at 5:19 PM
Is that the clarification? It didn't seem to clarify anything.
Dea field - Today at 5:20 PM
No. Just going over some things
First  did you ever directly state your office is a ' private place'
The bedroom is the only logical place people would assume(edited)
Otherwise
And I mean asking for clarification, not giving
Viking - Today at 5:23 PM
I don't know what world you or Jo grew up in where someone's office is not considered a private space.
Dea field - Today at 5:23 PM
Nope. It never was
By ' in what world's implies you think this is common
Did you grow in a place that had an office?
Cause I did
Viking - Today at 5:24 PM
I've worked and been around many people's households and workplaces with offices.(edited)
Including right now.
Dea field - Today at 5:24 PM
That's doesn't answer he question. Don't evade
The*
Viking - Today at 5:25 PM
Let me be more specific.
Yes.
Dea field - Today at 5:25 PM
Your house, growing up, had an office?
Who's?
Viking - Today at 5:26 PM
Not my house. Many of the people I knew.
Dea field - Today at 5:26 PM
Ok. So was it children not being allowed in an office by a father?
Cause in my family, throughout the entirety of it, all who had offices had open doors to anyone. My mom predominantly had an office that was open to a bedroom on one side and a sliding door on the other.

The only preclusion was usually for kids that were not her own. For fear of stealing personal information.

Hence in my experience it's different with people you know and trust vs those you don't know and don't trust
Therefore by stating an office is a private place implies that you don't know or don't trust a person there.
See what I mean about reasons?
Viking - Today at 5:29 PM
You are applying your family's reasons to my situation.
Dea field - Today at 5:29 PM
I am applying an example
To what I asking experienced with many others
Unlike you, I do  not seem to fear using personal examples
Why do you avoid them?
Human experience is so varied... And by explaining what one experiences directly   it can become easier to see how others compare and contrast
Hence I am a well of second hand experiences and one who looks into everyone's reasonings behind their actions.

There is always a reason. Even if it is buried deep. Perhaps in places people don't want to visit
Viking - Today at 5:37 PM
First: I feel angry that someone was within the bounds of my private space.
The fact that it is an office is irrelevant to the situation.
If an assumption was made that offices are open spaces, when I stated I do not like people going into my rooms, then that assumption is ultimately incorrect.
Dea field - Today at 5:39 PM
so then--to answer my question, you never DIRECTLY stated the office was a private space for YOU and instead assumed that everyone knew by your 'common sense'
Viking - Today at 5:39 PM
No. I stated I do not like people going into my rooms without my permission.
My office is one of those rooms.
Dea field - Today at 5:39 PM
and to state that it is an incorrect assumptition means you are directly stating you did not think about anyone else's life experience except your own
you changed the statement
before, you said, multiple times. "I dont like people going into my private space without permission"
you are only changing it now
Viking - Today at 5:41 PM
My office is my private space. I pay 900$ a month for two rooms.(edited)
Dea field - Today at 5:41 PM
you are deflecting(edited)
Viking - Today at 5:41 PM
Whether I call it an office or a bedroom is irrelevant.
How am I deflecting?
You missed a call from Dea field.Today at 5:42 PM
Viking - Today at 5:42 PM
I'm not available for voice chat.
You missed a call from Dea field.Today at 5:42 PM
You missed a call from Dea field.Today at 5:42 PM
You missed a call from Dea field.Today at 5:42 PM
Dea field - Today at 5:42 PM
fucking computer
what the fuck just happened
there must be a keyboard shortcut for calling I didnt know about
and it froze
Viking - Today at 5:43 PM
It happens.
Dea field - Today at 5:43 PM
"you never DIRECTLY stated the office was a private space for YOU" was my statement . which I assume is true. you have this way of wording everything to be vaque
so--if something bothers you THAT much, be direct
I know thats hard for you
but I think we can both agree that you're idea of common sense, in your head, is NOT the same as it is for anyone else. humans dont all think alike
Viking - Today at 5:44 PM
I feel attacked by your wording.
Dea field - Today at 5:44 PM
how so?
Viking - Today at 5:45 PM
"I know thats hard for you" feels condescending to me.
Dea field - Today at 5:45 PM
am I wrong? I feel like im a stating a fact
also text doesnt help
cause you know, no intonation
I have felt that way in text when someone was merely just talking to me before. got myself all riled up cause I assumed they were being condescending. sorry if I made you feel that way
I dont tend to have these convsersations in text form
Viking - Today at 5:47 PM
So the expectation is not just that I say that the room is private, but also mine?
Am I understanding you correctly?
Dea field - Today at 5:48 PM
yes. the exact words would be " Hey. I don't like people in  my private spaces, which to me are my bedroom and my office"