To all my haters

Now that I have your attention, imagine that while walking down the street, a complete stranger manages to offend you. Your first instinct is to punch them in the face. If that’s you, then please read on so that I am never bothered by your cunt attitude ever again.

If you are my friend and want to remain that way, this is for you. And if these next few paragraphs make you self conscious, then go ahead and just unfriend without saying aloha. See, I enjoy commenting on topics that force consideration that interest some, but are often offensive to one. And that one is you, my (former) friend. The thin skinned, conservative bitch who gets knotted panties over comedic memes about debatable, real world subjects that happen to be taboo in your own myopic, toxic worldview. Nothing wrong with this whatsoever, IF you’d voice dissent and move on like any sane individual. But you choose a different path, which is to disrespect another’s page to get them banned from Facebook for 30 goddamn days. And this wouldn't be so offensive (yes, it is offensive to those of us who want to discuss abortion, racism, sexism, politics, religion, ontology, cosmology, etc) IF admins bothered to verify the context of any flagged material. But give me six lines written by an honest man, and I will find something with which to hang him. In other words, I’ll twist that noble shit by taking everything out of context. See, life is contextual, with nothing existing in and of itself but instead always in relation to the world around it in order to create more nuanced meaning. And so of course it would stand to reason that the written word intimates a carefully crafted message based on the specifics of any given communication. And everything has fucking context, so you see the tone of my messages violate NO FB standards or practice because I am just JOKING (mostly). Contrary to your juvenile beliefs, what makes humanity so wonderful is our ability to jest about anything and everything, which lends humor and levity to even the darkest of human deeds and allows us to laugh rather than to cry. And while you may enjoy sobbing, bitching and wallowing in perceived negativity, the rest of us know that the world ain’t so bad after all by way of a liberal, progressive sense of humor. But nah, another 30 day ban is cool with me, because using Facebook should be like cumming in the dark. You know it's fun to do so in the comfort of your own home, but a day, a week, or a month down the road, The Man might raise hell cause you baby battered down the wrong underage hole and she went crying to daddy Zuck. (In case that metaphore went over your head, YOU are the female who was too bitch to get an abortion and instead cried rape to dad which fucks me without cause).

But that's how posting poignant memes on FB feels to me. See, when honestly expressing myself is well received but disliked by a minority of one who can’t resist fucking with my account to get their moral rocks off, I do indeed get a little irritated. Small mindedness gets my goat, I'll admit it. But pissing in that retard's cornflakes is totally a game worth the candle, because it sparks a conversation in their carbonited echo chamber of a mind. And maybe, just maybe they've started to evolve from a conservative, close minded cunt muscle into someone with a sense of humor.  I believe that after the 15th or 30th pissy rejoinder wherein they act the bitch with a cunty "oh that shit offends me!" report to Facebook, there’s a small chance of self-realization that people in their life only manage to tolerate them. That is to say, we all detest snitches, I mean the morally bereft few who take righteous pleasure in wreaking havoc on the lives of perceived wrongdoers. You know, the anonynous little shits who ruin other people's fun isntead of just walking the fuck away to play on another part of the internet. Cause my Facebook wall is ONE web page out of billions. But your delicate senibilities were so rocked by my attempts at humor that you'd rather disrupt communication with my friends and family for a fucking month, cause you didn't have the sense and maturity level to move on and find other like minded douchebags to participate in a narrow minded bitchfest. How goddamn selfish is that?

So I'll be back to regular posting form in no time. Because surely all my friends will have read this and know what to expect and will therefor act responsibly by unfreiending  me, rather than anonynously fucking up my Xmas for 30 fing days, which is about the rudest thing you can do to someone when you think about it. Seriously, it's like calling the cops on your neighbors for enjoying the occasional toke, not because you smelled it in the apartment hallway, but only after they invited you into their home and you noticed an umistakable scent that triggered the faggot in you (no that's not homophobic - being gay has nothing to do with acting the fag, but just flag this too if you're that awful a human being, even though I’ve explicitly explained the implicit context for your dumbass). Or imagine you put out a "Love Trumps Hate" sign on your lawn, and your neighbor is a Trumpist and calls up the conservative local sheriff who decides to not only enforce its removal but also sentences you to one month's censorship of your own damn yard. And that sign was the only means with which you could communicate with friends and family passing by, so that they now think you've moved away cause you're unable to communicate at all. Am I supposed to establish a backup ancillary method of communication for every single FB friend I rap with? Cause that’s a lot of fucking people folks, and I shouldn’t bloody HAVE to.  It's one thing if you disagree with a post and then reply on my wall, even if it does make you look thoroughly ridic. That's sane. That's acceptable. That's called COhabitating with other people on the planet so we all get along.

But what y'all do is so blatantly and inarguably shitty that it's hard to comprehend. It's like I said just before someone acted the jerk just one month ago (yes my ban was lifted for one day before you fuckheads freaked out over WHAT?). Ladies, Don't Be Shitty. Seriously, if this didn't make my position clear so that you don't unfriend and instead stick around to purposefully subject yourself to material outside your comfort zone, knowing you'll react by needlessly hurting me (yea it hurts when I can't talk to friends and family online), then you’re no better than a Trump supporter, anti-vaxxer, flat earther, rock n roll hater, pro-lifer, or any other like minded group of ignorant fools. And I promise that most or all of your friends and family snicker behind your back cause you can't take a joke or respond maturely to a variable world of human beings that are NOT like you, meaning we're all different and should respect one another's right to express ourselves on our own fucking FB walls, front lawns, or whatever. So please know this - your kind is dwindling, and not wanted... well, really anywhere. At least in my state. That is to say, absolutely NO one in MA wants to deal with someone so close minded, so insecure in their own personhood that they lash out with the censorship of everything that challenges their delicate worldview. That is the OPPOSITE of love and tolerance and adaptability, meaning y'all are full of hate and spite and fear of what makes us all so amazing - our diversity and ability to change and grow.

In conclusion, if everyone acted the fool and all communication mediums capitulated and censored content based on the most selfish whiny pricks among us, then there'd be no Game of Thrones, no SNL, no TV shows for the LGBTQ+ community, no pornography, no <insert your fav thing here> because someone somewhere would decry it as offensive. See, it’s all relative. So what you’re doing is absolutely untenable, in other words you can NOT justify it without sounding like an illogical, unreasonable ass. But hey, this is what you wanted right? Oh no wait, we're only supposed to conform and redact based on YOUR morals and values? Oops. See, that arbitrary moralistic microcosm you've fashioned for yourselves is a house of cards that remains standing only while your right to swing fist ends at my nose. That is free speech, and it makes the goddamn world go round. But you want, no you NEED everyone, everywhere to conform so that YOU are never offended. And it blows my fucking mind that this shallow, thoroughly unworkable attitude wasn't fucked out of you in highschool or college, when the rest of us grew the fuck up and decided to live in harmony with our fellow man, rather than in psychic cognitive dissonance. In conclusion, I don't like you, and clearly you have a hard on for me, or at least my ideas that force pause and consideration. So be the bigger person and walk the fuck away, cause I can't abandon my own wall, and you have NO right to control the content I share here with my real friends. You know, the ones who aren't selfish ass holes. Remember, it’s YOUR choice to be here! So next time you’re in someone else’s home, establishment, or personal space, consider NOT reporting them to the authorities over their expression of an IDEA you take offense to. Cause thought police suck very, very hard. And in case I was unclear or obtuse with my words, that’s YOU!

Namaste, and good riddance.

P.S. If you miss my meaning entirely and choose to flag this rather than walking away, just refer to my previous post, and remember the Barbara Streisand effect. You are NOT in control of the internet, you fucking child. Information wants to be free and doesn’t give a single fuck about your fragile, rigid and inflexiable mindset (no these are NOT admirable qualities). So just go away. Far away from me. Cause won’t we BOTH be happier that way?