Title: Your friend, Radiation!
Description: A crumbling Pre-collapse pamphlet displaying a cartoonishly rendered mushroom cloud complete with wide grin and huge, puppy dog eyes.

Text: Radiation! It's that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you hug a plutonium rod or snort powdered U235. It's when playful bits of exploded atoms bounce and skip through your cells, filling them with all sorts of (usually) benign variation. Some people say this variation can lead to things like cancer, wide spread necrosis and nightmarish birth defects. These people are liars, and probably communists so you should report them to your local neighborhood watch or lynch mob, just to be safe.

Although radiation is no doubt our friend, it is still a mischievous little scamp and may tire you out if you play with him too long.  Side effects of prolonged radiation playdates include feeling tired, feeling weak, loss of appetite, blurry vision, and unusual, festering wounds. If you begin to experience any of these symptoms, it is probably a good idea to say goodbye to radiation for now. Don't worry, you can always play with him again tomorrow! If he is persistent about wanting to play, you may try hiding in one of these radiation repellant places until he decides to go play with some other lucky kid.

Radiation Repellant hiding places include:
Under a desk.
In your basement.
Behind your sister.
In the closet.
Under the covers.
In a shallow ditch.

If you chose that last one, make sure to place a sign with your name and the date of your birth, as well as today's date on it near the ditch, so people know where you are. Better safe then sorry!