On my way to raid area 51 guys,
The longer it takes for this to come across your dash the funnier it is,
I’m,

Oboe 1,
L m a o ain’t that the guy from star wars,
I have other questions,
Gangnam style,
O say can you see by,
Twilights last gleaming, whose broad stripes,

What’s the worst pet to have,
Dog,
Cat,
A kid,
Sad kid noises,

Why,
Family comes in all shapes and sizes,

Chicken doesn’t need seasoning,
Amazing how he resisted the temptation to devour that sign long enough for this picture to be taken, given how much he loves the taste of cardboard,

Things to do if i ever go to america,
1, go to a diner and order a greasy breakfast,
2, eat, a jelly donut,
3, meet a cryptid,
Okay but what are you doing after you get out of the airport,
Walk back into the airport and go home,

No picture has described my life more accurately than this one,

Dancing queen by abba plays in the distance while i bleed out on the bathroom floor from 17 stab wounds,
Julius caesar modern a u,

Intracoastal waterway, virginia,
Does bigfoot live in virginia, a virginia man has posted what he called the clearest photos of bigfoot ever taken,
Bigfoot spotted just chilling,

No one,
Me at six years old with a wine glass full of grape juice,

I put my gucci belt in attack mode,

At the person reading this right now you’re ugly,
Ain’t you the first one to read this though,

Who is going to have a subtextually homoerotic swordfight with me that stems from our major unresolved sexual tension,
The world health organization is going to do what,

My mattress is strapped to eight roombas and i leave all my doors open at night so the roombas can go where they want to,
I wake up where they want me to be, i trust their decisions,

Good morning disgusting followers, as you can see your assassins failed to kill me in the night and you must suffer yet another day of my bad posts,

Two haunted feuding possessed porcelain dolls disturbed and always fighting,
50 dollars,
Only fifty bucks for these rambunctious gals,
Presidential alert,
The girls are fighting,

This image looks like chris evans is mulaney’s highschool bully coming to shove him in a locker,

Dear anyone who hates cats,
My cat literally sleeps next to my face until she thinks i’m asleep and then she’ll move to the end of my bed,
If i wake up at night she’ll go back to me head and stay with me until i fall asleep again, in the morning she’ll follow me when i call her, she’s a precious little nugget,
I d k it’s still a bad musical,

Nobody,
Facebook moms the moment it hits october, they’re giving kids dead rats instead of candy this year, be careful everyone,
Catch the kid’s dad putting on different costumes to get more rats,

This guy got on the bus and just stared at me and lulabelle on my lap for a solid 30 seconds then goes, are you allowed to have dogs on the bus, and i just shrugged then he pulls out a chihuahua out of nowhere,
This took an unexpected wholesome turn,

Excuse me, mister mcmahon, i was told to bring this to you,
It’s a chicken,
It’s not a chicken, it’s a cock,
And apparently, you love cocks,
2006 was the peak of the w w e,

Oh hello,
Frickhands mcqueen better stay the frick away from me,
Oh shi,

The catholic and orthodox churches can look pretty similar,
why, then, do the two religious bodies not simply unite,
The differences between the catholic and orthodox churches,
Why does catholic, the largest church, not simply eat the other churches,
The economist out here trying to fix the schism of 1054,

I want a dragon that breathes bullets instead of fire,
Like no explanation, no other visual cues that it’s anything but a normal dragon, but it just opens it’s mouth and gratatas out some lead,

When you send frick you to someone but autocorrect turns it into duck you,

If your social security number was the amount of money you had, how rich would you be,
$34,523,2674,
93,780,9632,
585,214,172,
In case you haven’t noticed, you’ve fallen right into my trap,

Final boss,
i’ve always wanted to try this,
Cool legendary weapon i’ve been saving,
Even i don’t know what it does,

Teacher, toady comes the new kid, he is from england,
Girls, o m g, hope he is handsome,
Boys,

How much does a spider weigh,
500 pounds,
No i don’t think so,
This spider exists somewhere and only google knows,

Boo,
These shy spirits inhabit mario’s world and have been known to vanish or freeze when met face to face,
In recent years, they seem to have overcome their fears in order to pursue tennis and other social activities,
Good for them,

Meowtosis,

So glad illumination hasn’t picked up on this live action remake trend because seeing a minion rendered in photorealistic c g i might just be the one thing capable of breaking me,

Who should a self driving car kill,
Should a self driving car kill the baby or the grandma, depends on where you’re from,
If you drift you should be able to take out both of them,

Oxygen, discovered, 1772,
People before 1772,

Tent,
Tent bag,

Me when i see a dog, pubby,
Me when i see a service dog, mister pubby,
Me when i see a police dog, officer pubby,

Star crossed lizards,

My psych teacher has a poster in her classroom that says, everytime you call your boyfriend daddy, sigmund freud’s ghost grows a little bit stronger, and if that isn’t threatening, then i don’t know what is,

One difference between cats and dogs is that dogs do absolutely nothing to mask their clinginess while cats pretend it’s a coincidence they’re in the same room as you 97% of the time,
The fact i am laying on your face means nothing,

Okay, so you know how americans like wearing shirts with japanese kanji on them even though they don’t know what it means because it looks cool,
Well, apparently japanese people do the exact same thing with english words,
Here, cream, what, emotion, brake, condensation,

Me getting knocked over by the biggest dog i’ve ever met while the king of dogs does nothing,
The king of dogs lets out a hearty chuckle, you foolish knave, thinking you can touch my dogs without consequence,

I accidentally sat on my glasses,
I accidentally the whole thing coke bottle,
I accidentally built an ogre shrine while watching shrek,
I accidentally called 911,
I accidentally restarted the USSR,
I accidentally ate,
I accidentally breathed,
I accidentally built an ogre shrine while watching shrek,
We all make mistakes in the heat of passion, jimbo,

Dad, former gamer, son can you help me,
Son, i can’t, i’m in a game,
Dad, just pause the ga,

Boobs people,
As people,
Feet people,

Trying to spell necessary like,
Nesseccessary,
That’s more letters than Nesseccessary,

Hey, how do i get better at,
Four million years of practice,

Frick these six fish in particular,
Just saw this on twitter help i can’t stop laughing,
Everytime i see this i start laughing,

Telekinesis,
Telekinephews,
This is the kind of humor i’m into,

Don’t skip dinner or so help me god i’ll break into your kitchen and make you some fricking ramen,
Friends take notes,
Do it pussy,

Me, stands up,
My blood vessels, what the,
Frick,
Did you just do,

Me, sends friend a message at 3 a m,
Friend, responds,
Me, woah woah there what are you doing up go the frick to sleep this isn’t healthy,

Are you able to assist in the event of an emergency,
Lady, for this much legroom, i’m fricking batman,

The temperature today is 40 degrees,
Americans,
Europeans,

Dude you going to joe’s party,
Who’s joe,
F b i agent,
Be careful next time bro,

What if every single spider in the world was just replaced by a cat,
I think that’s a world i would love to live in,
But imagine finding a cat in your bath,
Just a wild cat in your bath,
Waiting,

Crushed red pepper,
For rectal use only,
These little stickers make life a bit more surreal,

If you don’t kiss your cat on their tiny soft little forehead w t f are you even doing,
Yelling at her for trying to eat plastic,

Behold, halloween,
Not many people will get this costume,
I’m pretty sure everyone gets this costume,

Swedish woman finds ikea bags filled with 80 human skeletons,
And of course they come in, like, a million pieces you have to put together yourself,