Shopping

Several footsteps echo around the alley as I crouch down behind a crate. I wait til they disappear to let out a long breath. The rumors about the order ramping up security around these trading hubs seemed true after all. The sack in my right-hand feels heavy as I think of how to escape without the order following me to my doorstep.  I could outrun them, but they would be able to track me, maybe a distraction of some sort? An idea pops into my head, a dastardly idea that left me with a shit-eating grin. I step out of the alley and find my pursuers questioning some of the merchants.
"Oi, limp dicks, don't you have a preacher's ass to wipe?"
All heads turn to me as I can only smugly chuckle at their faces. The one who looked in charge looked like his eyes would bulge out of his head as he screamed red-faced.

"The one who consorts with beasts! Capture him!"

Not wasting another moment I turn and sprint away from them. The sounds of their outraged shouts and echoing footsteps told me the first part of my plan worked. Slipping through some of the other alleys, I gain a good distance from them and start making my way to the exit. As it comes into view I notice the gate is down. Changing direction I move to another alley and head to the end and start climbing the pipe, a small secret to getting by the always curious guards. As I reach the top, my pursuers enter the alley. I give a  smirk and head to the other end to climb down. They wouldn't be able to climb with their weapons and armor weighing them down, so I'd have ample time to set up my trap. I make good time running away from the city and into the forest. Taking a head of lettuce that Was going to be added to dinner and start tearing it up. I throw the torn up lettuce around and wait. Sure enough, a head pops out of the trees. and then another, and another. A little over 10 heads pop out from the trees with the leader asking a question.

"Food?"

another quickly answers her question.

"Food!"

"Food and man!"

All of the greenworms start climbing down and head to eat the lettuce. I reach into my sack and pocket what I had really went into town for and empty the rest of sack out. As the girls start munching on the food, One of them heads straight for me.

"I bet you have something else for me, something even more delici-"

Before she can finish her attempt at seduction I pick her up and stuff her into my sack.

"Wait, what are you doing?!"

Ignoring her protest I move to pick another up and let her join her friend. After a few minutes, all of them were thrashing in my sack. A few were begging for food with the original one screaming for me to "Gib dick". Ignoring their protests I set them up on a branch and start finishing up my trap. Some branches snapping and bushes being rustled tell me the order has finally caught up. I quickly turn to the direction of the sound and see them come into view.

"You led us on quite the chase. I hope you won't think you can beg your way out of this."

"Look, I think we've both done things we regret. You called my wife a beast, I said there's no difference between your tongue and the church's toilet paper. let's just let it go."

The man's shoulders shook and he started to grind his teeth.

"You'll be begging for death when I'm done with you!"

"one last thing, watch your step."

Before he could react his foot had already hit the trip wire. He was then bombarded with a little over 10 angry greenworms crashing onto his head.

"Fesh air!" "Where's the food?" "That hurt" "Gib dick!"
Turning my back I walk away as the man screams and curses at me. As it starts to reach out of earshot All that could be heard was numerous moans.

Finally as I reach the exit of the forest, my house comes to view. Before my hand can even touch the doorknob, the door is whipped open and Green scaly hands envelop me in a crushing hug.

"I missed you!"

I was gone for a few hours."

"A few hours too many!"

As my wife stops trying to snap my spine, I start to reach into my back pocket.

"I got you something."

Her ear fins start to flap and her tail sways as I take out my present

"What is it?"

"A special ointment for the cold-blooded, It should help you keep warm at night."

"But that's what I have you for! Wait, where's the lettuce for dinner?"

I couldn't help but smirk.

"honey, do I have a story to tell you."