that no one heard

Sort of written to follow up a previous post: http://pastebin.com/favKCUh9

I apologize in advance for non-native English speakers :(. Because this is important. I hope you can understand at least the gist.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

My gameplay is back. However my stream as you may remember is not...

I want to be open and honest. And if I can succeed in that, maybe this will be my last DramaQueenbin for a while. Three people helped me realize this was necessary and I thank them anonymously.


So what's the truth? I'll just spill the beans outright: I am NOT the socially-inclined, able-to-captivate-hundreds-of-viewers, "famoose" bigshot streamer man some of you may see me as.

:O :O :O:O:Oo;OOo;:OO::OO!!!!!~

Whoa big shocker yeah. See guys, I've been running on no battery since the second half of 2014. NO energy whatsoever. Flat outta juice. Some of you perceptive buggers may have picked up on that. it's time I have a long, long recharge. I don't actually mean with video games or speedrunning either. My interest and motivation is as strong as ever, and I want to set new groundbreaking times in all my games. But what I do need a break from is, well, talking while playing. Communicating to a live audience of hundreds. I will be taking somewhat of an oath of silence with my stream. No Mic, at all times, for the foreseeable future.

This is entirely my fault. My character flaws. Blame me. There is so much more I ended up writing up about myself, then finally deleting. Decided it's not important that you know everything about me. But what I do want to stress is that I really do not possess the energy to be a pleasant, talkative streamer anymore, while still balancing everything else in my life. I am spreading myself too thin.

To clarify, this is more about energy than time. I hope you can see the difference. *I'll still be streaming a lot!* Thing is, what I'm hoping this accomplishes is after a stream, or on any given day, I won't feel too worn out to just hit somebody up and be all, "hey family/friend, what's up?" or go into work and actually hold a meaningful conversation with a co-worker when we don't have customers. Or just whatever...That has to seem weird, I find no better way to word this. But I can absolutely admit to being weird I s'pose. Anyway, I'll still be streaming a lot.

For the record, I don't consider myself a spiritual person, but yes I do believe we all loosely follow some form of energy to disperse: day to day, year to year. (oh brother he's going on about energy more?!) And mine is fairly low. Here's a diagram :^)
http://imgur.com/oKGebyM
That's kinda how I was spending my energy, at least how it felt at times. Notice how the other tubes are...neglected. I dunno I never used to think about things this way but it's how I see it lately.

It is not my intent to come across as "I don't care about you guys anymore," but some people will take it that way if I had to guess.. that much is out of my control! The unfollow, unfriend, unsub, uncle, uncool, unstreamerman, and report button are all right there if you want 'em! Ok maybe some of those aren't.


I could have not made this pastebin. I realize that. I could have continued streaming to alts, done offline runs, whatever else I've been doing this month (yes I've been active) and just shut up about anything bothering me. Maybe all the way until I was feeling better. But to me, that's accepting defeat. I want to continue broadcasting my gameplay to as many people who want to see it, whether or not that means making sacrifices.

Admitting weakness can be hard. It can be the hardest damn thing in your life. Goes hand in hand with confessing secrets. That's probably something everyone on the planet struggles with, and as a result, it can be...scary -- opening up to others, or learning of another's troubles. I trust you will see this for what it is: me wanting to explain my situation and do what I feel is best for myself at this point in time.


All this may leave you wondering... is this saboom guy the next serial killer? What the hell's the matter with him? Did he go crazy? Then who's the guy I thought I knew?

All I can say is please don't let any of this change your opinion of me. No, I'm perfectly fine. I wouldn't hurt a fly. Nothing's the matter with me; in fact, being truthful is one of the best things you can do. I didn't go crazy. If anything I spent almost 3 years contributing to going crazy, now I'm goin' straight. I'm right here. :)

In addition to that, don't take this as me being depressive or anything of the sort. I am much happier with this finally off my chest. Don't worry about me.


Q, BUT SABOOM NOOOOO PLS DONT I MISS UR SEXY VOICE BIBLETHUMP

I'm going to quote a Japanese speedrunner by the name of Nero_x2 on this because he has the best FAQ section on Twitch. (even though the above isn't a question)

"A,sorry"

There are plenty of other streams, speedrun or not, that focus more on interaction. Go there if that's more what you're into!


Q, U CAN JUST TALK A LITTLE BIT WE STILL WANT TO HEAR U <2

A, I really don't work that way. It's all or nothing. Most of you probably could vouch my interaction, hittin' back about every message that came through if it called for some sort of reply from me. Maybe not on super busy days... I always tried though. I can't just start ignoring half or more of people. Nope.


Q, Will you ever speak again on stream? and in race-calls?

A, Of course. Unless my vocal chords need to be surgically removed between now and then...which there is approximately no chance of happening.


Q, Will you ever have a mic on, say, for the sake of controller sounds? Or have a facecam, controllercam, something? Some reminder that it's YOUR stream, some characteristic feature?

A, I don't know yet. Hopefully this won't even go on for too long. I'd estimate a few months.


Q, Will you still communicate via chat?

A, A little. Nothing excessive, and saying 'hi' or 'thank you' are two things I'm going to try and avoid. (Let's face it, hi's in chats are practically meme-tier by now, and good luck is so overdone. We just say these things because there's nothing else to say.) Though with that in mind... don't let that stop you from saying hi or gl. I'll be reading. Or do let it stop you. If my chat becomes lurk-central that's cool. Or if you somehow get on a flaming religious debate or something, I really don't care. I've always believed in a free livechat environment. Censorship's uncool.



And I think with that, my friends, that is all he wrote.
saboom