Today I Dream. Tomorrow I wake.

Me and Monika were lying down at the center of a soccer field, staring at the stars. Despite being in the city, we were just far enough from all of the light pollution that the stars could squeeze into the black sky's canvas. A situation like this, it was only natural to delve into deep topics, share some cherished stories.

"So who was your first crush?" Monika says, turning towards me. I pause my response to think, and she urges me on, anxious to hear my reply.

"Oh it's nothing special. She was the prettiest girl in my elementary class, of course I never asked her out. It's a boring story. I was thinking more about the first girl that I really fell for."

She turns her whole body towards me, moving her head to find the perfect spot on her arm. "What was she like?"

"Sort of like me to be honest. She was very kind and quiet. But I would sometimes stare at her and see a tinge of sadness in her eyes. She had troubles in school. I met her when she was in the last year of her art program, and she felt she made the wrong choice. But she was too far into it y'know? She spent so much money, she felt she had to stick with it to the end. I felt real sympathy for her to subject herself to that kind of torture, and it is a torture, in some ways."

Monika continues listening to me, partly curious to see how the story ends and partly because she knows all too well when someone just wants to blabber on about something until they're done speaking their piece.

"I don't know, it's like I could completely understand who she was, despite only having known her for a short while. I never had that in my life until then, so I was really drawn to that connection. Do you know what I mean?" I turn towards her, and she nods her head, grinning.

"I know what you mean. So did you end up dating her?"

I turn my head towards her. "..No. We worked together, and she left before I had a chance to ask her out. She didn't show up on her last day, the day I was going to muster up the courage to ask and get her number and everything. Never saw her again after that."

"That's unfortunate. But, I have to be glad that you were too spineless to ask her sooner." Her grin grows more cheekier, she's about to break into mean spirited laughter.

I turn away, back to the stars and roll my eyes. "I'd glad you're pleased with the turn of events. Still, even if I had a girlfriend I probably would have felt the same way about you had I still have met you in that timeline. There's no one quite like you."

"Thanks, Anon. It was really sweet of you to say that. Well," She gets up and stretches. "It's about time to leave. Are you ready?"

I look up at her with a puzzled face. "But the night is young, and you still haven't told me about your first crush." I lift my hand up to her. "Stay with me."

She turns away, I catch a glimpse of her smile fading. She holds an arm behind her back as she says, "I wish I could. But the time is up. Just," She turns back with misty eyes and smiling once again. "have a good day, okay? I'll see you again real soon."

Before I could ask her what that meant, I blink, and I'm lying not in the field but in my bed. Sunlight streams through the blinds. I shut my eyes closed and groan, realizing where I am. 12:47 PM. I lie in bed for another hour, trying to recapture that fleeting essence, before getting ready for work.

---
Tonight I dreamt I was in my bedroom, lying down on my bed. I had my phone and was playing my favorite time waster, Fire Emblem Heroes. I realize there's a new Bound Hero Battle, and I go try it out. Hard Mode and Lunatic mode are a breeze, naturally, but I catch a snag in Infernal. Moving my mage to kill the enemy would mean she takes a barrage from two cavaliers. But moving back means a harder player phase next. What to do? What to do?

"Make your mage reposition your armour forward." Monika says, pointing to where I should go.

"Oh! Thanks, I didn't see that."

A pause as the game performs the moves inputted.

"Wait, you know about this game?" I whip around to face her, and she's grinning with her phone in her hand, already on the main screen.

"When did you start playing?"

"A while back. There was times I was getting a little bored in the hospital, and I remembered you had this game on your phone, so I tried it out."

We then proceeded to have a lengthy conversation about the many aspects of the game. How tiresome Training Tower and Voting Gauntlets can be, the mixed feelings towards the Arena changes, but how the addition of Brigade Battling have balanced our discontent. How BHBs and GHBs were still fun and engaging, and now they added in another kind of one-and-done challenge. We traded phones and looked through each other's barracks, both of us getting jealous over the characters we managed to collect, and talking about the ones both of us never managed to obtain.

"So do you have a favorite character at all?"

"Katarina."

Ecstasy runs through my body as I hear the name. I was overjoyed over my girlfriend's superior taste in anime girls.

"She's my favorite too! How come you like her though?"

"You ever read her 5-star level 40 quote? It really spoke to me. She knew who you were, despite the distance of the two games she came from. Wouldn't that be romantic, if that happened with you and me?"

"I'd rather you be in the real world, rather then another game world, but I agree. I just like her for the sob story she had in her game."

"Ah, I never got to play that. I don't have a Nintendo DS."

"Have no fear!" I jump off the bed and head to the drawer under my desk. I pull out my own DS, blow the dust off and toss it to her. "The flashcart in there has the game Katarina's in. But if not I can always download the rom again."

"Oh wow, thanks Anon! I'll play it right away!"

"No problem, I hope you enjoy it."

"Well, before our time is over, I just want to say how dorky it is for you to dream about playing a video game! Ahaha!"

And I wake up in my bed, the dream ending abruptly, and reality once again creeps into consciousness. I sigh and try to remember every bit of that dream as I open up my phone and play what I just played. Katarina's game huh...

I go to my drawer to find my DS. But it's missing! That doesn't make any sense though, there's no one who could've moved it but me! Where did it go?
---

Tonight, I dreamt was in the back of a horse carriage with Monika huddled by my side. I can see her breath float up into the air as her teeth chatters. Snow lays scattered on the ground and the park looks like a winter wonderland.

"I-I don't know how you can stand this. How can you j-just be sitting all chilled out l-like that?"

I feel smug, enjoying her having to cling to me for warmth, "Live in this city all your life, and you get used to it. Hell, I'm starting to think winter is my favorite season."

"Y-your'e a madman. We're having our honeymoon in the Caribbean. I can't b-believe you suggested Alaska."

I snicker and offer her our shared thermos. She drinks in the hot coffee and sighs. "That's better. So Anon, I believe you wanted to hear about my first crush?"

A wide smile spreads across my face, and I nod. I've been waiting days for this. "Well, Anon, it goes like this. He starts up the game and possesses one of my classmates. Then, I have to break the game just to get some alone time with him. It was such a pain, and now, here we are. This arrangement is a whole lot better." She giggles.

"Really? I'm your first crush? No one before me?"

"I...don't think so. I don't really have memories of someone like that, from back in the game world."

"Hm." I turn away and we both go quiet for a little while. All that can be heard are the wheels of the carriage, the steps of the horse, and all we could feel was the cold and the heat of both our bodies touching.

I eventually ask "Do you remember much of anything else from when you lived in the game?"

She shrugs. "What does it matter? They weren't real."

I respond "This dream isn't real either. But it still counts for something, right?"

"That's only because you're here with me, and I'm here with you." She holds me tighter.

The horse carrier suddenly stops the ride and turns around "Alright, end of the road. Unless you want to take the trip back? It'll be 20 more bucks." I reach into my pocket for my wallet but it's not there. Shoot! I forgot it!

"Don't got money? Sorry, you'll have to get off."

Monika frowns. "I guess that's it then. Well, till next time, Anon! Sweet dreams!"

I reach out to her getting out of the carriage "Wait, Not yet! No! Please sto-"

---
Tonight, we faced the mystic, floating colours of the Yukon skies. I stood before it in awe, and then I looked to my right. I don't know which view is better, the Northern Lights or Monika looking like a stuffed turkey.

I fail to control my laughter as I say "Okay, I know it's cold. But it can't be THAT cold."

Monika has to turn her whole body to face me. "Hey, you don't get to say that with how much extra blubber you're carrying." She pokes my stomach but in the process I heard the million lines of fabric and rubber causing friction with each other to make that action happen.

I laugh again, unrestrained. "Hey, maybe this is a sign. Being skinny isn't always healthy, right?"

"I am at the perfect BMI thank you very much. And besides," Another sound of rustling as she looks back to the lights with a pout. "You wouldn't like me pudgy."

"Psh, nonsense. You would look like a cute, plump gobstopper that I'd just want to gobble up!"

You can see Monika visibly taken aback by the comment "Uhhhh"

You put your hands to your hips. "Yeah. Now you know how I feel when you say things like that."

She nods in appreciation. "Duly noted. No allusions to eating. No daddy talk. No teacher foreplay. Got it."

I move my hands behind my back and start rocking back and forth. "I'm glad you work tirelessly around my anathemas."

"Anything for you, love." A moment of silence as the hypnotic waves of green and blue in the sky command your attention once again.

"Aren't you glad we visited though?" I had to ask.

"No, you were right. This is better than any beach. This just leaves you...gasping for breath."

"Yeah, it's like being on a whole new planet."

"Oh! By the way, before I forget.." Another sound of rustling, and she produces the Nintendo DS she borrowed from me and presents it

"Did you finish the Fire Emblem game?"

"Yeah, but the normal difficulty was a cakewalk. And Katarina's story felt so half-assed with her step-mom being such a jerk."

"I see where you're coming from. But it's nice to save the damsel in distress no?"

"Hehe, of course you would like doing that. Anyways, thanks. It let me forget some of my worries for a little while."

I wondered what worries she was having as she tries to go in for a hug. She wobbles to get close to you but her coat is practically a straightjacket. She can't even bring her arm around you.

"Oh crud! Just when I want to fool around. Oh well. It's time to wake up anyways Anon, and choose a hotter place next time! I'll make it worth your while!~"

I wake up, and quickly rub the weariness out of my eyes. I jump to my drawer and open it with a held breath. There it was. I picked up my DS in disbelief. How'd it get back? What the hell is going on?

---

Tonight, I dreamt we took a midnight ride out on the streets. A full moon hid behind clouds as I pedaled leisurely, with Monika wrapping an arm around my stomach. The side of her body leaned on mine, and her legs and long skirt floated gracefully to one side of the bike. Why does it feel like I've had this dream before? Deja-dream? I shake the feeling and just try to focus on the romance. We reach the highest point of the hill as Monika is humming a tune. I pick up the pace and we race down the hill, and she cheers in delight. I can't help but smile.

But then I see my front tire wobble dramatically and my happiness vanishes, leaving only fear. It brakes away from the frame and I feel us tumble down. As the head of the frame that once held a tire now screeches across the pavement, my mouth slams into the handlebar and I wake up in a cold sweat. I could feel my head throbbing, and my heart racing. It felt like I died in that dream, and my body was overreacting to the stimuli, trying to remember how much blood to pump through it. I remembered that dream fondly for days to come.

---

Tonight, I dreamt I was the last man on earth. I don't know how I came to that conclusion, but every street was empty and barren. I was sure of it. Not a single life form anywhere, except for the soul sitting beside me as I drove the car.

"I can't believe human civilization was wiped out, in the blink of an eye."

"It's tragic, but somehow you and I are still alive." Something about her voice seems off today, but I keep my eyes on the road.

"It's a miracle, isn't it? Two lovers who managed to escape the horrible fate of the virus. A miracle we never churned out our insides and had our skin flipped inside ou-"

"Please don't describe it. My insides might just churn right inside this car."

She giggles. "It's just enough of a miracle for us to be together."

"True enough." I turn to see Yuri leaning into me for a kiss

Yuri!?

She plants her lips onto mine and I purse my lips before she sinks her tongue into me. Not deterring her, she starts moving onto my neck, doing her best to give me a hickey.

"Wait, stop, stop! I'm still driving."

She stops to look at me, smiling "What's the matter? it's not like there's going to be any traffic~"

"No, No, No, it's not that, it's-"

And I never finished the sentence because I start screaming, swerving my car to avoid the car that was zooming into the intersection.

The three of us ended up in the middle of the road, using the busted flaming wreckage as a campfire.

I broke into a nearby furniture store and I pulled a nice couch we could all sit on, while they gathered dinner, breaking into supermarkets all around.

We sat together by the carlit street eating Chef Boyardee's and chips. A delicacy in these post-apocalyptic times. Yuri is gushing about how lucky it is to have found another survivor, and Monika no less! I chuckle manically and scratch the back of my head as she tells me how impossible this scenario is, as she wraps herself around my left arm. I look to my right at Monika, and she agrees. Did I hear the sound of grinding teeth? It, it must just be the chips being stale. Yeah, that's it.

And then Monika pulls out what she found, a vintage bottle of wine. Yuri pores over the label, asking how she ever got something like this, and she said she found it in some rich guy's home.

"The world is our oyster now, it's natural to just do whatever we feel like right?" She looks through me to Yuri, and I can feel her green ocular lasers pierce my brain.

"Let's try it. Yuri, if you would have the honours of the first sip?"

"Ah, m-me? But you found it, Monika."

"Nonsense. You're the wine expert here, I want you to make sure what we're dealing with."

She laughs nervously and complies. Monika pops open the bottle and we all cheer. She pores some into a glass and Yuri takes a good, long sip.

Monika asks how is it. Yuri replies "It's...a little..heavy.." and she slumps to her side, landing onto my shoulder.

"What did you give her!?"

"Just something to help her sleep." She leans forward and rubs her head fondly.

"So...Yuri huh?"

"W-what about her?"

"Interesting to see you two snuggling up. So quickly after the virus hit too.."

"Monika, i don't get this dream, I don't know how she got here. It's not a big deal."

"It's not!?" She yells, but quickly turns away. "Sorry, it's just...you said yourself, that dreams count for something. So what the hell is this supposed to mean?"

"If you're really asking if I'm into other girls, then no. It's only you Monika," I try to touch her shoulder but she shrugs me off.

"I want to believe that, but don't dreams show us our deepest, hidden desires? Do you fantasize about other women when I'm not around?"

I try to refute her comment but she continues "A-and dreams are the only way we can see each other right now. So how could you be spending your time like this? This hurts, Anon..."

She buries her head in her face and I look around, my big dumb brain trying to figure out the perfect thing to say.

"Look, I know this dream wasn't like our more fun ones. And honestly, this isn't fun for me too. It's a nightmare seeing you like this. I'll admit, that I may check out other women-"

She turns to face me, her bloodshot eyes seething with rage

"But, it never means anything, ever. I made a commitment to you, Monika. And there's no way I will ever consciously decide to fool around with any other woman. Believe me. I will prove it to you when I wake up, and I hope my dreams will prove that to you too. I don't want to dream about anyone but you."

She sighs and turns away, arms crossed. Eventually, she says "Well, I'm totally done with this dream. Ready to leave?"

"Yes."

"And, I will forgive you, on one condition."

"Anything, just name it."

"Okay, stay still."

My eyes widen. My last memory of the dream was her face contorted in rage, her tears whipping around the air and the sting on my face.

I wake up and I could feel my left cheek throbbing. I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror, to see the indent of the dream. How is she doing this!?

---

Tonight I dreamt we had lunch. I had the chicken parmesan sandwich, she had their caesar salad. It was uneventful and the food was okay. But even getting a chance to spend the day with her was wonderful, dreaming has started to become rare and most of the time it's just odd, jumbled up versions of my past, with Monika never present.
So I hold her hand as we walk out on the streets and enjoy the sensation of wrapping my larger hand around hers. I enjoy every minute. And then I stop dead in my tracks at the sight I see.

"What's wrong?" She looks towards me with a vague wonder.

"It's her." I say, looking ahead of me

"Who?"

"My first love."

"Oh wow, the one who left before you asked her out?"

"Yeah."

"Where is she?"

I point out the short girl with japanese features, boring dark pants and a blouse. She's not wearing her working hat, but she has her hair down free from the usual Chun-Li-like atrocity she usually kept it in, which she hid with her hat. In that instant I remembered how my heart fluttered when I saw her let it down for the first time. I breathed in the air and I remembered this was the exact street where I saw her last.

She's about to walk across the street, and disappear into the crowd like she did the last time.

She's about to leave without a promise to meet again, because we both assumed that promise didn't need to be made.

She's about to leave again without me ever knowing what it would feel like to wrap my arms around her.

"What are you waiting for man, go talk to her!" Monika gives me a little shove and I snap out of my daydreaming.

"What do you mean?"

"She obviously means a lot to you, and this is unfinished business, right? Go up to her and speak your peace!"

How can she be saying this when she reamed me for Yuri the other dream? Maybe she really gets how much this means, and she's willing to overlook it? Maybe not. Or maybe....

"Nah, I'm good."

She looks at me with concern. "Are you sure? I mean, when are you ever going to get a chance like this again?"

"It doesn't matter. I thought we were supposed to go shopping right? I don't want this to interfere our plans."

I walk forward and my hand grasps her tighter, and then I feel a tug and turn back, realizing she hasn't moved an inch.
"Anon, it's really important to set the past aside, let it rest in peace. I know that more than anyone. Are you sure?"

"Yeah, the present is all I need."

The light turns green and I pull her towards me, and I go in for the kiss. I forget the girl walking away to destinations unknown as I try to explore every nook and cranny of my girlfriend's mouth.

"Woah," She pulls away, "That was a little much, don't you think?"

"You're right, we're still in the public eye." I look around, and ask her if there's a hotel around

"Anon!" She playfully taps me on the shoulder, enjoying the sudden cravings I'm expressing for her.

"Let's go." I say, and I take her hand once again and we run, looking for a hotel, anywhere with privacy really, and then we find a bathroom and we look both ways to see if anyone will notice us sneak in and and then

I wake up to a sunny sky and a tent forming at my nether regions. I growl in frustration and I turn over in my bed, covering my head with a pillow, trying to block any distractions, trying to make my way back to her.

I end up napping and having a dream about fucking my mother

Once I woke up, I punched my bedroom door.

---
It's been a month. I haven't dreamt about her once. I haven't dreamt, period. It has been agonizing. The days have blurred, and nothing feels important. The snapshots of life continue to filter through my eyes, like those old picture binoculars kids would play with.

Click, work.
Click, commute.
Click, video games.
Click, washing the semen off my hand.

And so it goes, repeats, in an endless cycle with no reprise. Any moment of clarity, brevity, instantly leaves my mind the second I enter another room. All that is left is a vague memory of what once was.

And so I've begun to take sleeping pills, constantly. The only thing I desire is sleep, another chance to be with her. But I can't have dreams anymore, and I can't get back to her. But reality is with her, reality is when I remember every word she says, every change in her face, the rise and fall of her chest. Reality is her, and I can't reach it. The pills are empty, and so is my patience.

Okay, quick and easy, or else you end up choking to death like Sayori. She's reminded you so many times. The noose and the fasten is tight. There is a sufficient amount of distance between you and the ground. In one second, I'll be able to dream forever. I take a deep breath, and as I'm about to bring the noose around my head I'm tackled from behind and slammed into the ground.

I whip the other way around to find a hunching body over me, tears landing on my chest.

"Monika!?"

"What the hell are you thinking!?" She gets on top of me and starts shaking me "How can you be throwing away the towel like this!?"

"How can you be here!? I'm not dreaming."

"Please, I have to leave soon, but I had to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life! Don't give up! I can't live on if you just give up! Promise me, now."

"No, it doesn't have to be like this! Don't go again! Stay, please!" I hug her, clinging on for dear life. "Being with you is the only thing that makes me happy. Nothing is real if you're not here, it's all just some horrible nightmare."

Monika's face goes blank at my words, but she starts chuckling, shaking her head, and she wipes her eyes dry. I grab her shoulders, asking what's gotten into her, and she replies "You got it all wrong, Anon. Me here, right now with you, is the nightmare."

"What, that's impossible! How could you say that?! Do you not love me anymore?"

"No! I didn't mean it that way! Just...

















https://imgur.com/a/7IjSEPZ
























I open my eyes. Tubes are in my nose. I turn to my right to see Monika right there, her eyes in awe at what they are beholding. I attempt to lift my arm towards her, and she catches it. I edge my hand towards her face and I stroke her cheek, catching the tears. And from there, I slowly come to grips with my situation, my reality.

-END-