Spider-woman Issue #1 Complete(Spider-Shim thread)

>All around you various voices cheered, shouts of “Thank you Spider-woman!” and “You saved the day!” echoed off the building walls.
>Yup, everything was perfectly normal and groovy.
>Except for you, and most importantly your back.
>Thing hurt like a son-of-a-bitch to be perfectly honest.
>So while everyone cheered for the cities favorite hero and all around good-girl web slinger, you were there on the ground writhing in pain.
>Yeah go right on ahead, don’t mind me, fuckers.
>And how did your current position and status come to be?
>Well, it’s a fun story that can be summarized very quickly.
>You were having a nice lunch, some weirdo in a gray skin tight suit decided that doors no longer suited their needs, and she had a massive grudge against a wall.
>So she said “fuck that wall” and came right through it, poor wall never stood a chance.
>In the ensuing chaos of yells, screams, and all around panic you saw one of the girls from class standing in the middle of it completely petrified.
>So being the all around nice guy, you decided to get her out of the way of a PMS’ing steroid fueled Russian looking body-builder that at some point identified as a woman.
>Well she didn’t like that, so just like the wall, she said “fuck your back” and acquainted you with the soda machine.
>That guys an asshole, just so you know.
>”Are you okay?”
>Oh the sweet angel of death has come to finally end your pain… nope it’s just Flutters, the quite girl whom you saved.
“Never better.”
>”That’s good, you looked like you were hurt.”
>Oh god, can this girl really not tell when someone’s sarcastic.
“Let me rephrase that a little, my back hurts, scratch that, everything hurts. So if you see a paramedic around let them know to look for the guy on the ground.”
>”Okay”
>You could barely hear that confirmation.
>Dear god , you were going to die here, weren’t you?
>”That looked like it hurt.”
“No shit Sherlock.”
>”Easy tiger, you don’t want to get that attitude of yours to aggravate your already bruised everything.”
>That didn’t sound like Fluttershy, but from your supremely optimized vantage point on the ground you couldn’t tell.
>Craning your neck which added to the list of things that hurt, you saw the source of the voice.
>Perched atop the vending machine of back breakers, was Spider-woman.
>”I saw some medics coming in, you should try to avoid moving until they check you out.”
“Nope, still have a triathlon planned, can’t miss it for anything, let alone possible internal bleeding.”
>”That’s the spirit, nothing like making a permanent injury worse to antagonize someone.”
“Never thought I’d say this. But go fuck yourself spidey.”
>”Why myself? You too busy?”
“I wouldn’t fuck you with Flash Sentry’s dick, and that thing has fucked just about everything here, I’m honestly surprised it hasn’t fallen off yet, especially after he banged Sunsemhmpmhgj”
>Spider-woman shot some web which covered your mouth, only allowing a garbled mess to leave it.
>”Looks like you might’ve hit your head as well, you should get that checked out.”
>Today you can actually say that a new hatred grew within you for the wallcrawler.
>With you now no longer capable of adding helpful commentary to the debacle, you saw the spider wave to more of her cheering fans before firing a single web.
>Utilizing the strategically placed hole by a rampaging rhino, she departed the scene.
>So much for a nice quiet Friday.

>Want to know the great thing about days off?
>Not having to deal with anyone from school. Or homework, let’s not forget aout the bane of your existence.
>Seriously screw those asshats and the torture the faculty put you through.
>The bright side to your peers was that almost none of them knew your name, and they didn’t associate with you.
>Sure, some would say a simple “Good Morning?” or “How are you?”, but none of them gave a shit, it was just something to say.
>And you liked it that way, thank you very much.
>To hell with having friends, vidya was all you needed. Vidya didn’t judge you, or ask for rides after banging their girlfriends.
>That’s why here on this beautiful Saturday, you made the twenty minute trip to the only retro game store within two hundred miles, and oh look it’s on fire.
>No!
“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
>It was almost as if you could hear the screams of all those poor little cartridges as they melted.
>It was either them or the people fleeing from the area, sometimes it was hard to tell.
>Oh yeah, the cartridges.
>Oh the humanity, they didn’t deserve this fate.
“Take me god, leave them be, but take me!”
>From the flames engulfing the store you saw two bodies shoot out and crash into the adjacent store.
>People ran screaming from the wreckage, but you could only stay on your knees and weep for the loss of the last temple.
>It wasn’t fair.
>Who would dare do something like this?
>”I will peel the flesh off your bones.”
>”You and what army Ock?”
>That voice!
>Of course she would show up to fuck up your day off.
>Watching the two, was pretty amazing, you’d never admit it though.
>Doc Ock would attempt to capture Spider-woman, only for her to slip between the mechanical arms.
>The scene would repeat with the same result a few more times.
>That was until she saw you.
>”You need to get out of here, until I deal with this nutjob.”
“Fuck you spidey.”
>”Only if you ask nicely.”
>Your exchange should have probably waited, because in the split second that she was distracted, Doc Ock managed to snatch her with one of her arms.
>Like a lasso she spun Spider-woman around through the air, before launching her at the closest brick wall.
>What is it with bad guys and destroying walls? Is it in their evil contracts or something?
>”My, my, and what do we have here?”
>With the clinking of metal on concrete, Doc Ock seemed to have completely forgotten about Spider-woman and set her sights on you.
“No one, just a man weeping for the loss of a city treasure.”
>Lifting herself higher into the air with her metallic limbs the crazed looking Doc Ock smiled at you.
>That’s not a nice smile.
>That’s the smile your uncle had before going on his “free candy” cross country roadtrip.
>”You know, boys shouldn’t be out all by themselves. You never know what kind of trouble may find them.”
“Thanks for the life lesson. Now can you leave me alone to mourn in peace?”
>Oh hey you’re upside down.
>Looking at your foot you noticed that one of Ock’s limbs now held onto your pant leg, suspending you several feet off the ground.
>”I know of a few ways to make that frown go away.”
“Stranger danger!”
>”Didn’t anyone ever tell you that no means no!”
>You barely caught sight of the moment when Spider-woman’s feet connected with the side of Ocks head, sending her flying.
>And the lady even let you go before she flew away.
>How nice.
>Problem was you were still suspended in the air when all this transpired, and as we all know, gravity is a heartless bitch.
“Son of a cunt-waffle!”
>Luckily your head broke your fall, wouldn’t want to hurt your back again after all.
>”You doing okay there tiger?”
>Vision still spinning and blurry you regarded the four Spider-women, you could have sworn there was only one before, but you were never good with numbers.
“Does it look like I’m fine?”
“Well your sarcasm still works.”
“First fuck you.” You pointed to what you thought was the left most Spidey “And secondly I might need an adult.”
>Falling forward your vision grow dim, the last thing you felt was two arms catching you, and the smell of strawberries.
>You hated strawberries.
>You woke up to a very strange sensation.
>Last thing you recall was… was.. oh god the store, why did you have to remember?
>And who the fuck was stroking your hair.
>As difficult as it was, you managed to open one eye to an odd sight.
>Starring right into the face of Spider-woman, who judging by your position, mainly your head in her lap, was stroking your hair.
“If this is some weird fetish”
>”You’re a real charmer, anyone ever tell you that?”
“Just my cousin, she’s the weird one in the family.”
>And back to the silence.
“Shouldn’t you have taken me to a hospital, or called an ambulance or something?”
>”Does it look like a carry a phone in this costume?”
>No, unless she hid it in…
>Naughty thoughts, bad naughty thoughts.
>“It was just a small bump.” She emphasized this by poking, what was no doubt, a growing lump on the top of your head.
“You say small bump, I say possible concussion. But what the hell do I know.”
>Throughout your exchange, the feeling of her gloved hand running through your hair didn’t stop.
“Sooo”
>”So?”
“I think I should go, thanks for the head injury and all.”
>Straining a little, and with the help of the petite superhero you managed to get on your feet.
>All to find out you were on some skyscrapers rooftop.
“A rooftop? No spider-lair?”
>”Yeah this gig doesn’t come with any good perks.”
“So uh, how do I get down from here?”
>The hair on the back of your neck stood as you regarded the hero.
>Something in your brain told you that behind that mask, she was grinning.
>You didn’t like that, not one bit.
“Sonofbitchmutherfuckingniggerass!!!!!”
>The sensation of freefalling from a few hundred feet might have been a normal thing for her, but for you it was the equivalent of staring death in the face.
>”Anyone tell you to cut down on the cursing? What would your mother think?”
>Between the falling sensation and the wind rushing past you both you did manage to give a reply.
“Uffucckk youuuuu!”
>Nailed it.
>Had you been a normal person, you also might have noticed that your body was pressed tightly against a very curvaceous heroine.
>But you weren’t normal, no you took it the next level, you were the most average normal that ever normal’d.
>So any lewd thoughts about the skin tight costumed crime fighter, who’s boobs weren’t pressed firmly against your chest, never came, no sir.
>When the feeling of impending doom managed to go away, you realized that your feet, though shaky, were now firmly planted on ground.
“Ah sweet terra firma, how I missed you.”
>”See you later tiger, don’t be a stranger.”
>Spidey blew you a kiss, before slinging away, off to do whatever spider like things she did.
>A gesture you met with an equally amicable middle figure.
>You were going to do your very best from now on to avoid any and all contact with this nutso.
>So far very encounter ended with you injured, staying away from her was probably in your health’s best interest.
>”Ha Ha hahahaha!”
>For fucks sake.

>”Hey man you’re in the newspapers, check it out.”
“Who the fuck are you?”
>”So what’s she like? Did you talk to her?”
“No, really, who the fuck are you people?”
>While eating lunch outside, due to some unscheduled lunchroom  reconstruction, you were swarmed by a bunch of students.
>Many of which all clutched the Daily Banjo, on a side note, who the hell names their paper the “Daily Banjo”?
>On the front page however was a photo which led to all this headache.
>Spider-woman, falling, with you in her arms.
>”I heard her voice can hypnotize people.”
>A chorus of “no way!” went through the crowd.
>”Does she have fangs like a spider?”
>Idiot, all of them are idiots. Didn’t the school have some sort of aptitude test to put these kids in a special needs place?
>Which was all the better for you, since it gave you the perfect opportunity to get up and get away from them.
>These people needed a life.
>”Hiya Nonny!”
>Can’t you ever have a normal day? Did you piss off some god or eldritch abomination and this was your punishment.
>That’s got to be the only plausible explanation.
>One of the most popular girls in school, Pinkamina Diane Pie aka Pinkie, hair bouncing along, skipped right up to you.
>First you were confused as to why.
>Secondly, and most importantly, you were shocked by the mere fact she knew your name.
>Even if it was butchered version of it, and one you particularly didn’t care for.
>No one knew your name, that’s how your super power of staying out of shit worked.
“Uh fine, listen, it was nice talking to you, but I got things to do and yeah, bye.”
>”But we didn’t talk you silly billy.” She responded with a giggle.
>Thus the point oh one of pink hair and caffeine overdose.
>Closing whatever distance between the two of you, Pinkie hooked her arm around yours and began dragging you towards the school.
>”Come on Nonny, there’s some people who want to meet you.”
“Meet me? Did the sugar finally cause psychosis in that brain of yours?”
>All you got was more giggling as the surprisingly strong girl continued to drag you eh-hmm I meant lead you towards the school.
>So long normal life, I barely knew thee.

>”And this is Rainbow Dash, star of the girls soccer team. And”
“You do realize, I know of all of them.”
>”Sure, sure.” She waved her hand dismissively “But you haven’t been introduced properly, and how can we be the bestest of friends without introductions.”
>Can we not, and say we did.
“Yeah.. uh, hi, my name is Anon.”
>”We kind of got that.”
>The girl with a Stetson smiled in your direction, her southern drawl fit her, cowgirl look.
“So anyway, I don’t know exactly why I got dragged here, but it was nice to meet you all and uh.. bye I guess.”
>”What’s she like?”
>The six pairs of eyes were all on you, staring inquisitively.
“Anyone in particular? I’m not a mind reader here.”
>”Spider-woman of course, the most awesome and badass crime fighter ever.” Rainbow Dash stated with sparkling eyes.
>Calm down girl, if the rainbow hair didn’t give it away, that stunt sure screamed of the way you preferred your tacos.
>To further her point of just who they were talking about, Rainbow slammed down a copy of the paper, that caused your headache today.
“No comment.”
>”Awww don’t be like that Nonny, you can tell us.”
>Fuck you pink one.
“She’s caused me more injuries than three years playing pee-wee hockey.”
>”But she saved you.”
>Turning to the orange and red-haired girl, Sunset Shimmer, the bully turned goodie, you shrugged.
“Sure and she gave me a concussion to go with it.”
>”You sound like your holding your own shortcomings against her.”
>Eat a dick Sunset queen bitch of the year.
“What are you her PR rep or something?”
>”Not really, just stating that your acting like a child.”
“Don’t you have some freshman to torture or something? I mean I know your schedule opened up and everything.”
>”No hold on partner, Sunset isn’t like that anymore.”
“Ask me if I care. It was nice to meet you and all, but I’m going to get going.”
>Walking away you distinctively heard Pinkie’s voice.
>”He seemed nice.”

>Walking home from school was one of your favorite times of the day.
>Just you and your thoughts.
>No bullshit to deal with and
>Omph! The air left your lungs as you felt something solid hit you in the back.
>”You know, sometimes I wonder why I even bothered to save you.”
“Never asked you to do it, can you put me down now.”
>”No can do, we’re going to have a nice little chat.”
“And kidnapping me is the only way to go about it, I thought you were a hero or something, don’t you all have some sort of guidelines for this?”
>”I just wing most of the time to be honest, everything seems to work out when I do.”
“That’s not very reassuring.”
>So again you were clutching yourself against Spider-woman, who only moments ago, snatched you from the sidewalk.
>This girl needed a hobby that didn’t involve you in anyway shape or form.
>After several minutes of slinging through the air, you two finally landed on a rooftop, overlooking the city.
“Still no spider-lair I see, you really need to get on that.”
>”I’m not going to beat around the bush here Anon” Spidey completely ignored your quip.
“How do you know my name?”
>”Don’t you worry about that, anyway, those girls you spoke with today”
“Wait are fucking stalking me now?”
>She was, wasn’t she. It was probably some weird hero thing.
>”Will you stop interrupting me! Now, you weren’t nice to them”
“They fucking tattled on me, those goddamn”
>In the blink of an eye, you were on the ground, with Spidey on top of you.
>Her hand pressed against your mouth.
>And yup, that was her butt, sitting on your junk. Damn that thing was firm.
>”No more talking until I finish. Tomorrow, you’re going to go to them and apologize, got it?”
>Lifting her hand, she waited for your response.
“Let’s say for arguments sake that I don’t.”
>”I consider those girls my friends Anon”
“Earlier they were asking me what you were like.”
>”I Anon, I consider them my friends, and I am very protective of my friends.”
“How about OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT!”
>You raced towards the roof door you had been eyeing since your arrival, shutting it the moment you were through.
>Huh, Spidey was easily distracted. Need to make note of that for future use.
>”Damn it Anon, get your butt back here!”
>Not happening Spidey, I’ll take the elevator thank you very much.
>As to your proposition about apologizing to your friends, well…
>Flash Sentry would become a priest before that happened.
>Spidey started pounding against the door, all in an attempt o get at you.
>Casually you began your search for the safe way down, the man made marvel called an elevator.

>It’s been a month since the kidnapping incident, and since then everything was calm and quiet.
>No attacks.
>No Spider-woman.
>A couple of visits from Pinkie, and her trying to give you various baked goods.
>All of which you did not eat, god knows what she put in them.
>The cafeteria had been rebuilt, and at the moment you were about to indulge in the glory that was a homemade BLT.
>This was nice, a normal average, everyone is screaming.
>And darkness.
>The hands that gripped your ankles kept dragging you down, underground.
>You didn’t scream, yell, or anything.
>Funny how desensitized you’ve become to this.
>Eventually the strong smell of sewage assaulted your nostrils.
“I swear that wasn’t me.”
>Whomever it was that took you, didn’t pay any mind to your commentary.
>Eventually you felt the hands let go.
>And in the sewer, in the pitch darkness, save for a couple of rays of light streaming down from the manholes, you arrived.
>”You are a strange man.”
“Says you. If this is your way of picking up guys, you need to work on your approach.”
>”No distinguishing physical features, you’re about as average as they come.”
>Was that supposed to be an insult? It kind of felt like an insult.
>From the darkness you saw a figure emerge.
>It was.. a lizard lady?
>”You’re not scared.”
“No, just pissed. By now those assholes probably threw my sandwich out up there.”
>”How curious, I don’t see what makes you so special.”
“Lady, lizard, whatever the hell you are, I’ll be the first to tell you there’s nothing special here.”
>You gestured to yourself.
>”And yet the spider always seems to follow you.”
“The word you’re looking for is ‘stalk’ not follow.”
>”Be that as it may, she’ll eventually follow you here and then”
>”She’s going to kick your lizard butt.”
>Looking to the source, up on the arch of the sewer was Spider-woman.
“See, told you, stalker.”
>”Get out of here Anon, I got to teach this lizard some manners.”
“Sure, whatever you say and can you knock off the whole stalking thing, makes you seem a little desperate.”
>”Whatever you say tiger.”
>Feeling around in the darkness, with the noise of a full out fight behind you, you felt for the opening of the hole you got dragged through.
>Maybe they’d let you go home early after this, but knowing vice-principal Luna’s cuntish attitude, it probably wasn’t going to happen.

>”You’re and asshole.”
“And you’re a bitch, what’s your point?”
>”That maybe you should remove that stick in your ass and maybe, just maybe act like a decent human being.”
>You
>Decent?
>Good one.
“So what the hell do you want Sunset?”
>”An apology for the way you acted.”
“Are you still on that, jesus, you and Spider-woman don’t know how to let things go.”
>Sunset leaning against the locker next to yours waited patiently, expecting an apology.
>One that was never going to come.
“Don’t you have class to get to?”
>”Free period. Now about that apology.”
“The day spider-woman becomes my girlfriend and pronounces it to the world is the day I’ll apologize.”
>Sunset only nodded.
>Thank god she got the message that you weren’t the “sorry” kind of person.
>Grabbing the rest of the books from your locker, you closed it and began heading towards class.
>Today was shaping up to be a decent day.
>You got Sunset off your back and maybe if this lucky streak continued maybe even Spidey would finally let this thing go.

>The Canterlot city bridge was one of the main feeds into the city proper, thousands of people used it to get to work, school, shopping, and eventually return home.
>Suffice it to say, that a solid portion of the citizens which called the city home passed over it daily.
>So for many commuters on a nice and crisp Monday morning, seeing a large amount of spider webs on its support beams caused a small uproar.
>But the webs weren’t just put up haphazardly, no, they spelled out a nice little message, which caused some curious questions for anyone that saw them.
>Questions like who is Anon? And why was the web asking him out on a date?
>”Dude how did you do it?”
“Do what?”
>”Haven’t you seen the message?’
“Let’s say that I don’t honestly give a rats ass about any of the goings on around here.”
>The random student, who accosted you this morning as you walked through the gate held up his phone.
>The news webpage held a nice high resolution image of the bridge which looked as if every neckbeard in the tri-borough area creamed their spinach on it.
>The message that the webs spelled out was a bit more disconcerting to you.
“Anon will you go out with me?” You read out loud.
>”See man, you just got asked out by Spider-woman, I’m so jealous.”
“Jealous of being stalked by a crazy spider-psycho. Your life must really be a depressing thing.”
>Walking away from the walking poster-child for “I need a friend so I don’t cut myself at night” you pondered the implications.
>This was certainly going put a dent in your stay-the fuck out of drama life you had prior to this shit.
>”Nonny! Nonny! Over here!”
>Don’t make eye contact, maybe she’ll go away as long as you acknowledge her existence.
>Before you could make a hasty get-away, you felt yourself being yanked over to one of the outside tables.
>The one which was occupied by the six most popular girls in school. You know the ones.
>Girls that you had been doing your very best to avoid and failed miserably at doing so.
>”So how does it feel to be asked out by a super-hero?” A certain pink-haired menace questioned, barely containing her bubbliest personality.
“On a scale of fine to poison me with arsenic, I’ll go with the sure death option.”
>”You got asked out by the Spider-woman and you’re not happy?” Sunset gave you skeptical look.
“I would take more joy in getting a cactus shoved lovingly and tenderly in my ass.”
>”Darling you need to get over this negativity, how else are you going to impress a potential suitor.”
>The alabaster skinned girl looked elated at your situation.
“You say negativity, I say fear of being sucked up in her web of bullshit.”
>Sure there was a big bump to your ego by having the web-slinger ask you out, but you could only imagine how much crap it would entail.
>And even now with the constant bad-girls attacking throwing your name out for the world to see would mean nothing more than them targeting you.
>What was Spider-woman thinking? She might as well have painted a big ass target on your back.
>”I think you should really consider it.” Sunset continued, her eyes boring into yours.
“Of course you do, and it has nothing to do with our chat a while back. Which by the way I’m still not apologizing.”
>Sunsets grin only grew at your proclamation.
>”It was your own words Anon, if you start dating Spider-woman, you apologize for those rude comments you made.”
“Wait, did you put her up to this? It sounds like you’re behind this whole cluster-fuck.”
>”I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
>Horseshit.
“Call it intuition but I don’t believe you in the slightest. I say it, then lo-and-behold, all of a sudden the spider wants to go out like a fru-fru couple.”
>Sunset smiled and crossed her arms across her chest.
“You shouldn’t do that.”
>”Do what?”
“Cross your arms like that, it only helps to amplify just how small your breasts are.”
>That must have hit home because Sunset’s mouth opened and closed like a fish.
>Combined with how red her face became and the incredulous look you felt good about yourself.
>You had a way of making situations like these much easi-
>”I’m going to kill you Anon, if there are any working brain cells in that head of yours, you should use them to tell those legs of yours to run.”
“And I’m supposed to be scared of girl who weighs eighty pounds soaking wet holding a thirty pound weight?”
>Without any restraint Sunset launched herself at you, her speed making you actually take a step back before she knocked you to the ground.
>Her friends looked on, laughing at your predicament, as Sunset sat on you and attempted to choke the life out.
>Girl had a grip, that’s for damn sure.
>”Just go to sleep, I’ll make it all stop.”
>And you thought that you had anger issues.
“You still have small boobs.” You managed to choke out before you passed out from lack of oxygen.

>”Is he still alive?” A feminine voice inquired.
>”Probably, the asshole is too stubborn to just up and die without making others miserable before he goes.”
“I resent that, I only strive to enlighten those around me to how full of shit they really are.” You managed to croak out with an achy throat.
>Damn, it felt like Sunset crushed your windpipe in her PMS-fueled rage.
>Not bothering to open your eyes, you continued to lay on whatever soft surface your body had been deposited on.
>”You’ve been laying there the entire day, you know most of the school is already talking about how Sunset kicked your ass and put you here in the infirmary.”
“It only serves to show how much of a bitch she truly is, contrary to the goody-two-shoes act she puts up.”
>You never really believed the bullshit story that everyone else swallowed.
>Someone as bitchy and condescending as Sunset didn’t just turn good overnight.
>And prior to her new act she was a cunt towards you as far as you could remember for no reason whatsoever.
>”Is it really that hard for you to accept that she’s changed partner?”
“Her nearly killing me is the last little bastion of me holding on to my prior opinion.”
>Finally opening your eyes you noted the two girls who occupied the room with you.
>Apple farmer and Rainbow dike both looked down at your form on the bed.
>”You did provoke her, you should know girls take comments about our bust size pretty seriously.”
“Or lack there off.”
>”See it’s stuff like that, that results in getting your butt kicked.” Rainbow stated with a deadpan look on her face.
“You sound a little defensive about the subject yourself.”
>”I swear Anon, you say one word about my breasts”
“You mean their non-existence”
::Ding::
>Hello darkness my old friend.
>Rainbow now clutched a dented bed-pan while Applejack tried to stifle her laughter.
>”I warned him, you heard me warn him.”

>Feeling like a bag of ass, you yet again opened your eyes. The setting sun making the headache which was already assaulting your brain, feel even worse.
>What the hell happened to you this time? Another bad-girl?
>Images of a bed-pan being swung by an overly sensitive crotch gobbler rained down on you like she would go down on the pink taco.
>Fucking cunt.
>These traumatic brain injuries were probably going to cause some permanent damage eventually.
>”So what did we learn today?”
>Shifting your gaze upward you noticed a certain visitor looking down at you from their place on the ceiling.
“Well professor, today I learned that lesbianism is a very violent disorder.”
>”Eloquent as ever I see, and I can safely say Rainbow Dash is most certainly not batting for the other team.” Spidey remarked, gracefully she fell and landed right beside your resting form.
>”Why you keep putting yourself in these situations I’ll never know, you aren’t a masochist by chance?”
“Nope, just have a problem with hormonal teenagers and their mood-swings.”
>Letting out a curious hum Spidey webbed one of the chairs and pulled it over so she could sit down beside your laying form.
“Would it have been harder to just walk over and grab that thing?”
>”But it wouldn’t have looked nearly as cool.”
“You and I have very different definitions of cool, besides, now you’re making more work for the janitor that’s going to have to clean that gunk up.”
>”I wouldn’t worry about it, the stuff dissolves in about an hour, he won’t even see it.”
>Spidey had an answer for everything it seemed.
“So what’s your game?”
>Let’s see how she dealt with this one then.
>”With what? Did that pan jostle your brain around or something?”
“Don’t play dumb, you know exactly what I’m talking about.”
>”I’m going to assume you’re talking about my grand show affection.”
>”You might call it affection, I call it open season on my ass.”
>”Don’t flatter yourself tiger, you might have a nice ass, but it’s not that nice.”
“Nice enough for you it seems.”
>”I have low standards, what can I say. So what’s your answer?”
>You kept silent.
>Moment of truth Anon, were you going to cave and relent to your super-stalker or cave in?
>Sure she was hot, and a super hero, and numero uno on every baddies hit list, which would only cause more trouble for you.
>”Maybe I can make this choice a little easier for you then.”
>Without warning Spider-woman jumped on the bed.
>The all too familiar feeling of her straddling you creeping up.
>”Pucker up tiger.”
>Her lithe hand reached up and pulled her mask about half way, exposing the bottom part of her face.
>You barely glimpsed her lips before they smashed forcefully against your own.
>The soft texture of her lips greedily pressed against your own, the taste of strawberries somehow even made its way inside your mouth.
>God damn did you hate strawberries.
>Fucking worst fruit on the damn planet as far as you were concerned.
>Then you felt something soft come past your lips, and attack your tongue, the soft appendagemoving to and fro.
>Holy shit, she was a fucking alien, this was it.
>You were going to have a little spider-thing put in your chest, then it would pop out of your sternum and wreak havoc on the economy.
>Nope, never mind, that’s her tongue.
>If someone had told you that your day would end with a makeout session with Spider-woman, you would have told them they needed a visit from some men in white coats.
>But here you were.
>Holy shit, Spidey in the midst of the forceful kiss began grinding into your bottom half.
>Her shapely ass moving back and forth, making you think of things that would not be appropriate for the younger masses.
>Before you could move your hands to grip those buns however, the kiss was over, the grinding stopped.
>You weren’t going to enjoy kneading those buns, it was out of instinct, you swear.
>”I’ll take that as a yes.”
>Fucking Spider-woman.
>”I’ll pick you up on Saturday, nothing fancy, just bring your best disposition.”
“Never got one, will ‘I hate you’ one work, it’s pretty close.”
>”I’ll make it work.”
>You managed to catch a smile on Spidey’s face before she pulled her mask down.
>”I’ll see you then tiger, and remember no naughty thoughts about yours truly.”
“I’d sooner cut my dick off.”
>”That’s the spirit.”
>Walking to the window, she opened it and blew you a kiss before jumping outside.
>Couldn’t you just go back to having a normal life, one where you were ignored by everyone and everything.
>Where videogames were all the social interaction you ever got?

>The next day of your horrible week began like any other.
>Minus the rampaging rhino-girl in the school courtyard. Yeah, she kind of stuck out in the mix of things, along with the destruction left in her wake.
>”The Rhino wants her babushka, she will show him routines and make snu-snu.”
>A gut feeling told you the “babushka” she was referring to might have been you, but your Russian was a little rusty.
>But since you had yet to step foot into the boundary that was the school, you made a complete u-turn and headed back towards the bus-stop.
>They’d probably cancel school due another attack, so you might as well get headed
>”There is my little lapochka, come we shall make great gains and snu-snu.”
“As fun as a crushed pelvis sounds I think I’ll pass.” You yelled over your shoulder, cause you sure as hell weren’t going to turn around and deal with that whole mess.
>”Besides, I’m the only woman in Anon’s life.”
>Oh god, not now.
>”Hey there loverboy, give me a minute to deal with the ‘forever-alone’ over there and we’ll chat.”
>Nope, quickening your pace you made a beeline for the bus-stop.
>Getting the fuck out of there, whether school got cancelled or not, was the only thought on your mind.
>”Don’t forget our date on Saturday. I found this real neat”
“Don’t care, bye.”
>Judging by the shit going on it might take a miracle for you to survive until Saturday.
>Maybe you could change your name, move to another city.
>There was that one place with the hero girl that was all brooding and only came out at night, that sounded like an upgrade from here.
>”You not steal lyubov moya, I crush spider!”
>Yup, brooding girl city sounded a hell of a lot better.