english depth

A man with a very good vocabulary would have prepared this...
Enjoyable to read...


Here's more Lexiphi...excellent play on words...enjoy

A bicycle can't stand alone; . . . it is two tired.
A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.
A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.
A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.
A will is a . . . dead giveaway.
Acupuncture : . . . a jab well done.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all
right now.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.
A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.
Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and
their noses run.
When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink.

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could
get thinner there.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to
conduct itself.
A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end
of his sentence.
A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe
in higher powers.
It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.
I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let
out a little whine.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't
stand behind.
Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A
brother is frying chips.
'Are you the friar?' he asks.
'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says
I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . .. jog your memory.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it's
your Count that votes.
Local Area Network in Australia : . . . The LAN down under.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . was fully recovered.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on
shaky ground.
Those who get too big for their britches will be . .. . exposed in the end.
To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate (the bait).
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . she thought she'd dye.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , . . . U C L.A.
When you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen a mall.
With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . and a dress.
You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it.