Tavros meets Bird Dave Pt. 1

-- CURRENT birdDave [CBD] is just gonna lie on the floor, drunk, and by himself. dang. --
-- CURRENT birdDave [CBD] 's wings just kinda laaaaazily spread out. --
-- CURRENT birdDave [CBD] too fucking lazy to gtfo and just go to bed like a normal person --
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAT: wAIT,
-- CURRENT birdDave [CBD] fuck that shit --
-- CURRENT birdDave [CBD] oh shit --
CAT: i AM PRETTY SURE THAT YOU'RE NOT A BIRD,
CBD: am too
CAT: tHEN, wHY DO YOU RESEMBLE AN EARTH HUMAN BIRD,
-- CURRENT birdDave [CBD] sits up, not bothering to fold his wings --
CBD: because im from earth
CBD: so id resemble an earth bird
CAT: bUT, uHH,
CAT: aS i RECALL, yOU'RE A PINK MONKEY HUMAN CREATURE,
CAT: nOT A BIRD,
CAT: aRE YOU TROLLING ME,
CBD: not this dave
CBD: im legit half bird
CAT: i AM INCLINED TO BELIEVE, tHIS IS SOME ATTEMPT TO, gET MY GOAT,
CAT: wHICH, yOU WON'T, bY THE WAY,
CBD: no seriously
CBD: ive got wings and talons and stupid fucking digitigrade legs and everything
CAT: uH, i CAN SEE THAT,
CAT: bUT HOW,
CBD: hell if i know
CBD: guess in all the different dimensional and timeline bullshit the powers that be looked upon mine and said hey lets make this kid half bird for shits and giggles
CBD: fuck those guys
CAT: mAYBE THEY'RE THE ONES, tRYING TO GRAB A GOAT,
CBD: probably
CAT: bY DOING THIS,
CAT: uH,
CAT: tHING,
CBD: and theyre assholes
CBD: my goat is thouroughly got
CBD: by the invisible assholes in the clouds
CAT: sO, iF i WERE TO HYPOTHETICALLY,
CAT: iN A SITUATION THAT IS PURELY HYPOTHETICAL,
CAT: bECOME ONE OF THOSE, "invisible assholes in the clouds",
CAT: cOULD i GET YOUR GOAT TOO,
CBD: there has got to be a less awkward way to phrase that
CAT: uHHH,
CAT: iF THE POINT COMES ACROSS, i DON'T THINK IT MATTERS HOW I PHRASE IT,
CBD: i
CBD: no
CBD: i completely lost what you were trying to say
CAT: hEH, vICTORY FOR nITRAM,
CAT: i AM TAKING MY METAPHORICAL EGO, aND STROKING IT TENDERLY,
CAT: }:D
CBD: theres a difference between you actually achieving a victory through being clever
CBD: and you just being so fucking bad at actually trolling that i just cant even figure out what the fuck youre trying to say
CAT: iS THIS AN ATTEMPT TO, sAVE YOUR OWN EGO,
CAT: bY DOING THAT THING,
CAT: wHERE YOU ACT LIKE YOU DON'T CARE,
CAT: bUT THE ACTUAL PART OF YOU DOES CARE,
CAT: aND IT HURTS,
CBD: nah
CBD: this is the part where i awknowlege that i had waaaay too much rum and thinking sucks
CAT: yOU'RE CONSUMING ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES,
CAT: wHEN YOU'RE A BIRD,
CAT: dON'T YOU THINK, tHAT'S UNHEALTHY FOR YOUR VASTLY DIFFERENT DIGESTIVE SYSTEM,
CAT: aND OTHER VARIOUS, tHINGS THAT ARE AFFECTED BY ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION,
CBD: implying i give a single fuck
CBD: its my birthday
CBD: i do what i want
CAT: wELL, i'M NOT QUESTIONING YOUR ABILITY TO DO WHAT YOU WANT,
CBD: well technically its not my birthday anymore since the clock has changed already to december 4th but
CBD: its not tomorrow until i go to bed and wake back up damn it
CAT: wITH A HANGOVER,
CAT: oR WORSE,
CBD: i already had a hangover this morning cuz i drank last night too
CBD: i can fucking handle it
CAT: tHESE AREN'T VERY HEALTHY DECISIONS,
CBD: im a big boy tavros
CBD: i can make my own decisions
CAT: i'M NOT, dOUBTING THAT,
CAT: bUT, aS A SORT OF AN EXPERT ON, uH,
CAT: vARIOUS KINDS OF FAUNA,
CAT: i FEEL INCLINED TO PROVIDE MY INPUT,
CBD: yeah i guess
CBD: but honestly its just a one time thing
CBD: i got this one bottle of rum see
CBD: and i plan on finishing it
CBD: ill probably get to the bottom of it if i do this again tomorrow
CBD: think of it like an experiment
CAT: i SUPPOSE,
CAT: iT DOESN'T STOP IT FROM BEING DANGEROUS, tHOUGH,
CBD: im sure ill be fine
CBD: and if not then you get to give me a great big i told you so as i prostrate myself to you
CAT: i'M NOT REALLY SAYING THIS, aS A CONTEST OF ONE-UPMANSHIP,
CBD: what are you saying it as then
CBD: because i am pretty sure that was your lifelong goal
CAT: wELL, uHH,
CAT: i JUST DON'T THINK IT WOULD, bE ANY FUN,
CAT: iF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED TO YOU,
CBD: are you saying youre concerned about me nitram
CAT: nO,
CBD: because it sure sounds like youre saying youre concerned about me and my health
CBD: i didnt realize we were at that stage of our relationship already
CAT: wAIT, wHAT,
CAT: aRE YOU IMPLYING THERE IS SOMETHING SIGNIFICANT ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP,
CAT: i'M BECOMING UNCOMFORTABLE BY THIS SOLICITATION,
CBD: tavros
CBD: are you breaking up with me
CBD: why would you break my heart
CBD: i thought what we had was special
CAT: nO WAIT,
CAT: i, dON'T MEAN THAT,
CAT: i DON'T MEAN TO DO THAT,
CAT: i WAS ASKING A QUESTION, iT'S A SIMPLE ONE,
CBD: a question
CAT: iT'S OK IF YOU, mEANT IT IN A MANNER AS TO HAVING FLUSHED FEELINGS,
CBD: are you
CBD: going to pop the question to me tavros
CBD: i dont know if im ready
CBD: you should probably ask my bro first
CBD: im an old fashioned bird
CAT: i DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS, uHH,
CAT: qUESTION YOU'RE REFERRING TO IS,
CAT: aM I DOING IT WRONG,
CBD: usually the youre supposed to take me out first like to a nice dinner or a night on the town or a broadway musical
CBD: find the right time
CBD: look me in the eye and stammer it out with your godawful stutter
CAT: sO, uHH,
CAT: wOULD YOU LIKE TO DO, oNE OF THOSE THINGS,
CBD: as long as you foot the bill
CBD: or i guess we could go nontraditional and go dutch
CAT: uH, dUTCH,
CAT: wHERE'S THAT,
CBD: dutch is like the netherlands and shit
CBD: these cold ass countries up in northern europe
CAT: wHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO THERE,
CAT: i MEAN, uHH,
CAT: i WON'T JUDGE, iF THAT'S WHERE YOU WANT TO GO,
CBD: no see going dutch is also a metaphor
CBD: for splitting the payment on a date
CAT: oH,
CAT: tHAT MAKES MORE SENSE,
CAT: wAIT, wE'RE GOING ON A DATE?
CBD: why do you seem so apprehensive
CBD: i thought you didnt want to break my heart
CAT: nO, i DON'T WANT TO DO THAT,
CAT: i'M JUST ASKING, fOR THE SAKE OF CLARIFICATION,
CBD: well why the fuck not
CAT: wAIT, i MEANT THAT i DON'T WANT TO BREAK YOUR HEART,
CAT: i'M, rEALLY SORRY IF THERE WAS CONFUSION THERE,
CBD: yes i know and that was the answer to your previous question
CAT: oH,
CAT: yES, oK, wE'RE GOING TO GO ON A DATE THEN,
CAT: tHIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING, rIGHT,
CBD: where doing this man
CBD: where makign this hapen
CBD: then at the end you can get down on one knee
CBD: and pop the question
CAT: uHHH, qUESTION,
CBD: you know the question you were talking about before all this shit
CAT: uM, cLARIFY AGAIN, wHAT QUESTION THAT WAS,
CBD: shit i dont know it was your fucking question
CAT: uH OH,
CBD: are you saying you dont want to pop the question to me tavros
CAT: wHAT, nOOO,
CAT: i'M NOT SAYING THAT AT ALL,
CBD: are we breaking up tavros
CBD: are we over
CBD: did i do something wrong
CBD: im so sorry how could i ever adequately apologize to you
CAT: nO, wE'RE NOT BREAKING UP,
CAT: wE'RE NOT OVER,
CAT: i'M NOT TRYING TO CONVEY THAT SENTIMENT AT ALL, }:(
CBD: i dont know tav i think i messed up real bad you dont need to be nice about it
CBD: but maybe this can change your mind and show you the depths of my sorrow
CBD: http://obtampons.ca/apology just enter your name in the text box