Halloween MUST BE Dramatic

THERE IS NO HALLOWEEN SPIRIT! Not anymore!

Two years past, not one child passed by my door.

One year ago, I rightfully drove out a troupe of teenage knaves from my property for having the gall to threaten a prank if sweets were withheld while dressed in nothing more than their normal shirts and slacks.

In the name of the rule of three, I shall attempt to distribute treats for one more year. This year. And I hope to see that the most recent additions to the neighbourhood, monstrous additions, have the good sense to purchase or, better yet, create costumes of substantial creativity.

Hark, my front chimes sound! A result better then two years ago but it remains to be seen if who stands behind my wooden portal is better than last.

“Trick-or-treat!”
“Trickortreat!”
“Trick-or-treat, smell my feet, give us something good to eat.”

Monsters indeed but- “YOU!” The blue slime on the left, I thrust my finger at thee.

“Uh! Yes?” With features as if cast from a jell-o mold or a clay imprint, she looks at me nervously, as do her two compatriots that shall not receive even a modicum of my attention. Yet.

“What are you?”

“I'm a slime.”

Disappointing. Disappointing disappointing, my goodness, how disappointing. “Roaming the land on Halloween with no costume? For shame!”

“No! I'm a dungeon slime! I ate a jester but the rest of the heroes got away.” She just splashed a bit of goo on my leg. I suppose this frustrated looking slime just stamped whatever passes for her own foot on the ground.

A dungeon slime, eh? “What proof do you have?” And with my inquiry, the slime looks back at three pairs of parents standing at the sidewalk. No doubt they're wondering why I have chosen to keep their children so long but I intend to make a full evaluation.

“Mommy says my real costume is too scary and will make all the humans think I'm going to eat them.”

WELL! “Child, I shall bestow upon you more than one candy should you show me that costume.” Could this be the miracle I've been waiting for? The thing that shall justify my hope for monsters to bring back creativity to this neighbourhood?

“Really?!” And no sooner does she say that does her human features begin to melt into nothingness. The slime becomes shorter, a hill of slop to be apt, and a collection of bones that I did not notice rises from the base of her body. Plastic and rubber for certain but no less bone-like in shape. They all float upwards, stopping in different places and some even break the surface of slime, turning into nasty spikes of cartilage and fear. As the tibias, femurs, and vertebrae spread apart from the pile, the most terrifying specimen of osteology is made visible.

Up and up does it go, pushing past its fellows and seemingly stopping others in their tracks. A plastic skull, full of teeth and with a belled cap on top breaks the slime’s surface, leaving only its jaw submerged in the blue goo. Her candy bag shifts as well, positioning itself just below the jawbone.

Genius. There are few at her age that would sacrifice cuteness entirely for scariness. And as a monster, as a slime, there is a vicious level of detail that only they can capture.

As if from the pages of a fantasy novel comes a moving hill of slime, resplendent with the half-digested remains of those that would slay it.

Ha ha ha! “Ha ha ha! Well done. You look perfect.” I finally withdraw my accusing fingertip and the hand along with it. Deep into the candybowl tucked in my other arm I go, producing a fistful of toffee, artificial fruit flavours, and butterscotch for the slime before me.

With a single tentacle, she pops the mock skull’s top half backwards, allowing me to drop the confectionary treats in. It's so wonderful, I could cry.

“Thank you.” Oh my goodness, what a fright! The slime had reformed her human features around the skull, giving me a toothy smile quite literally but also very much… separately, shall I say. It would be uncouth at this juncture but I quite wish I could gift this slime another fistful of candy for the scare.

And now I shall address the second child, pointer finger at the ready.

"YOU! What are-" and the words die in my throat. For I am addressing the front of a lollipop sucking red oni and the butt of a human boy. I assume that it is a human boy slung over her shoulder anyway.

"I'm an oni." She states quickly, looking impatient.

"And I'm dinner." The boy cheers with a flap of his legs.

Well. Their faux tiger-skin and normal clothes wearing, resoectively, selves are unfortunately underwhelming in comparison to their slime friend. It's the boy's doen jacket and cotton pants that kill the image for me. But still a grand sight compared to previous years. And a team effort to boot.

"I shall grant you both a measure of candy. But not more than your fellow trick-or-treater." I ignore their protests, intent on indirectly encouraging them to redouble their efforts for next year. If this gets my house toilet-papered, so be it.

The pouting oni collects first before spinning around and letting her- ah ha! He IS a boy.

And finally they all leave, vanishing into the streetlights and darkness in search of more confectionary treats. I'm happy to have given out candy to those that deserve it and happier still to see the flame of creativity have a chance at being rekindled here.

Even if no other trick-or-treater can match the slime tonight or if no other boys or girls appear, my night is complete.

The spirit of Halloween lives.