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- 1
- 00:01:46,618 --> 00:01:58,618
- <font color="#ffff80"><b>HD Movies Free</b>.</font>
- Rate & Share
- 2
- 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,788
- I can't do this.
- I can't do this.
- 3
- 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,525
- I can't do this.
- 4
- 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:14,488
- Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
- Bachelor party!
- 5
- 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,491
- Bachelor party!
- Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
- 6
- 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,461
- Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
- Bachelor party!
- 7
- 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,397
- Bachelor party!
- Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
- 8
- 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:27,301
- Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
- Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
- 9
- 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,803
- Hey, hey.
- 10
- 00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:30,805
- You gotta catch up.
- Here, here, here.
- 11
- 00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:32,673
- You're late to your own
- bachelor party,
- 12
- 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,809
- - chug, chug, chug.
- - What are you doing?
- 13
- 00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:35,909
- I'm sorry.
- 14
- 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,179
- - Why did you do that?
- - You held my nose.
- 15
- 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,114
- It's like a shotgun.
- You plug the shotgun hole.
- 16
- 00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,849
- - You're an idiot.
- - You are an idiot, Nick.
- 17
- 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,685
- You wouldn't know an idiot
- if it smacked you in the face.
- 18
- 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:48,322
- Smack me in the face,
- so I have a frame of reference.
- 19
- 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,459
- - You want a slap fight?
- - Yeah, yeah.
- 20
- 00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:55,563
- I'm so glad you're here, man.
- These two make me wanna puke.
- 21
- 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,098
- That's a very underwhelming
- mustache.
- 22
- 00:02:57,178 --> 00:03:00,101
- Why do you guys
- all have mustaches?
- 23
- 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:03,304
- We have mustaches for you,
- for your bachelor party.
- 24
- 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,872
- Did we not discuss this
- with you?
- 25
- 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:05,872
- No.
- 26
- 00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:08,442
- - Really?
- - Yeah. What about Nick?
- 27
- 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,245
- Nick got confused.
- 28
- 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,414
- I thought I texted you from
- my second phone. I'm so sorry.
- 29
- 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,116
- No, I think I would've
- remembered that.
- 30
- 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,451
- I'm sorry. I guess I haven't
- seen you in a while.
- 31
- 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,153
- How you been?
- 32
- 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,288
- - Not great, actually.
- - Just hold on tight
- 33
- 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,492
- 'cause these guys have been
- living for this week.
- 34
- 00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,693
- Yeah, look, the thing is...
- 35
- 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,561
- Wait, wait, wait!
- We got rules.
- 36
- 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,396
- You need to learn the rules.
- 37
- 00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:32,333
- Colin and me wrote rules,
- and you gotta learn 'em.
- 38
- 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,580
- - They made rules.
- - Yeah!
- 39
- 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,272
- Bachelor parties.
- 40
- 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:43,589
- I'm so sick of going to
- bachelor parties and fishing.
- 41
- 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,214
- - Or whitewater rafting.
- - Boo!
- 42
- 00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:48,582
- That is not a bachelor party.
- 43
- 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,151
- - That's a party.
- - It's just camping.
- 44
- 00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,819
- A bunch of cock and balls
- sleeping in the woods.
- 45
- 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,155
- - It's a schlong-a-thon.
- - Now, this great tradition
- 46
- 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,857
- is not only a send-off
- of one's bachelorhood,
- 47
- 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,527
- but a way to send
- said bachelor off
- 48
- 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:03,297
- with a train car
- full of regret so deep,
- 49
- 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,232
- you'll never wanna be
- a bachelor again.
- 50
- 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,434
- That's beautiful, Colin,
- really, but, guys...
- 51
- 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:10,604
- Rule number one, get drunk.
- 52
- 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:13,307
- Fastest train to regret
- is alcohol.
- 53
- 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:17,278
- Rule number two, stay drunk.
- 54
- 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,646
- I wrote the first two rules.
- 55
- 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,614
- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, Nick!
- - It's okay.
- 56
- 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,416
- - I knew you'd freak out.
- - Is he drinking?
- 57
- 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:25,319
- It's been five years, man.
- I need a fucking break.
- 58
- 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,221
- - I don't think...
- - Who cares if he dies?
- 59
- 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:29,323
- - It doesn't work that way.
- - I can have a beer or two,
- 60
- 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,193
- in celebration of
- your bachelor party,<i> dad.</i>
- 61
- 00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,495
- I wouldn't even be doing this
- if you weren't getting married.
- 62
- 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:35,863
- - No.
- - It's on you, Joe.
- 63
- 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,798
- - No.
- - There's a meeting on Monday.
- 64
- 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,867
- - I'll be there, okay? Promise.
- - Look...
- 65
- 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,336
- - Or Tuesday at the latest.
- - I'll give you a ride.
- 66
- 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,737
- I don't think
- that's really the point.
- 67
- 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:46,840
- Rule number three, hit the bar.
- 68
- 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,742
- - Yeah!
- - There's no better place
- 69
- 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:51,278
- to hop on said train of regret
- than a bar.
- 70
- 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:53,314
- Rule number four,
- and this is one of my favorites.
- 71
- 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,883
- - This is a goody.
- - Come back to the house
- 72
- 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,630
- for a private viewing
- of some of the local ballet.
- 73
- 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,422
- I said no strippers.
- 74
- 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,791
- That was the one rule I had,
- was no strippers.
- 75
- 00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,459
- I lined it up
- with a local agency.
- 76
- 00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:07,394
- Her name is Susan.
- I'm sure she's very classy.
- 77
- 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,896
- - Scotch-Irish, Joe.
- - Susie.
- 78
- 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,764
- - Okay, guys, look.
- - She's clean, Joe.
- 79
- 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,801
- Good. I imagine
- they all are clean.
- 80
- 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,603
- - She's clean, Joe.
- - She's super clean.
- 81
- 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:16,971
- Yeah. We think.
- 82
- 00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:19,707
- And rule number five,
- the final rule,
- 83
- 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:20,941
- the most important rule,
- 84
- 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,277
- the reason why we're all here:
- 85
- 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,646
- Wake up feeling so hungover
- and guilty
- 86
- 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,648
- that you never wanna be
- a bachelor again,
- 87
- 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:31,396
- and thus,
- you're ready to be married.
- 88
- 00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:34,989
- Okay, look.
- 89
- 00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:36,957
- Guys, I really
- just came down here...
- 90
- 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,993
- - I wanted to tell you...
- - No, wait, no, no, no.
- 91
- 00:05:39,073 --> 00:05:41,428
- Before you get
- in any speeches, here.
- 92
- 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,997
- Come on, here, here, here.
- 93
- 00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:45,532
- Beer, beer.
- Okay, okay, now...
- 94
- 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,700
- - Yeah.
- - Speech.
- 95
- 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:47,901
- - I came down...
- - Speech, speech!
- 96
- 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,536
- I came down here
- to tell you, guys...
- 97
- 00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,605
- Fuck, what am I talking about?
- You're the bachelor.
- 98
- 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,440
- You can't do it.
- It's bad luck.
- 99
- 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,509
- - I'll do it, I'll do it.
- - Yeah, let's do this.
- 100
- 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,511
- It's a toast.
- Come, come, Joe.
- 101
- 00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,413
- Come on, guys, get in here.
- 102
- 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,649
- Okay, all right.
- 103
- 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,350
- God, this is awkward.
- 104
- 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:06,487
- Okay, so, Joe,
- I've always looked up to you.
- 105
- 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,955
- I think you know that.
- 106
- 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,824
- You're smart, you're a handsome
- son of a bitch.
- 107
- 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,526
- You've never woken up
- next to a fat chick
- 108
- 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,561
- hitting you because you were
- so drunk, you pissed the bed.
- 109
- 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,563
- - Okay, Nick.
- - No, it's okay, it's okay.
- 110
- 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:17,931
- I'm in control now.
- 111
- 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:20,968
- But before you met Jess,
- honestly,
- 112
- 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,437
- I didn't even know
- that love existed.
- 113
- 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,905
- I really didn't.
- 114
- 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,308
- And I've never told you this
- before either, but...
- 115
- 00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,842
- It wasn't until I saw
- what you and Jess had
- 116
- 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,979
- that I decided to stop drinking,
- 117
- 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,081
- clean up my life,
- find that love for myself
- 118
- 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,450
- 'cause I knew now
- that it existed
- 119
- 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,352
- because of you and Jess.
- 120
- 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,987
- You inspire me, man.
- 121
- 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:44,358
- You and Jess inspire me.
- Here's to true love.
- 122
- 00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,593
- - Cheers.
- - Cheers!
- 123
- 00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,529
- - Okay, you're up.
- - My turn.
- 124
- 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,732
- Uh, to Joe, to Joe.
- 125
- 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,101
- Even though getting married
- was the...
- 126
- 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,103
- Worst decision I ever made
- in my entire life,
- 127
- 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,972
- and I hate my ex
- more than anything,
- 128
- 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,607
- - with every fiber my...
- - Okay, all right.
- 129
- 00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:03,610
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Before you met Jess,
- 130
- 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:07,881
- you were very, very lonely,
- 131
- 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,516
- and you hated casual sex
- 132
- 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,653
- for some reason that none of us
- could ever figure out.
- 133
- 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:16,357
- So, yeah, I guess, you know,
- marriage, that's the...
- 134
- 00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,425
- That's the right thing
- for you to do, so, cheers.
- 135
- 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,395
- - Cheers. That was nice.
- 136
- 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:22,763
- Is that me? Should I?
- 137
- 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:26,900
- All right.
- All right. Um...
- 138
- 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,470
- I think you guys know
- I don't believe in love.
- 139
- 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,905
- I certainly don't believe
- in weddings, you know,
- 140
- 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:36,021
- the idea of families
- coming together.
- 141
- 00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,786
- But I do believe in finishing
- what you started,
- 142
- 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:51,803
- so, you know, you said you're
- gonna marry this girl and, uh...
- 143
- 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,943
- Uh, cheers?
- 144
- 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,413
- Cheers. Yeah, cheers.
- 145
- 00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:16,417
- Okay, end of show.
- That's you, Joe, Mr. bachelor.
- 146
- 00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:18,419
- Speech!
- 147
- 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,154
- Are you guys, done?
- 148
- 00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:24,992
- Are you done with your little
- speeches and your little rules?
- 149
- 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,873
- - Yeah.
- - What's going on, Joe?
- 150
- 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,597
- I'm not getting married.
- 151
- 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,133
- - What?
- - Are you serious?
- 152
- 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,233
- Oh, shit.
- 153
- 00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:36,870
- - It's probably for the best.
- - Shut your mouth, Colin.
- 154
- 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,172
- Oh, fuck it.
- 155
- 00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:41,708
- - What happened?
- - I don't know. I, uh...
- 156
- 00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,844
- I came home today after work.
- 157
- 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:44,978
- This happened today?
- 158
- 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,780
- Yeah, right before
- I drove up here.
- 159
- 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:47,948
- Oh, fuck.
- 160
- 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,585
- She was sitting
- in the kitchen, crying.
- 161
- 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,454
- Her...
- 162
- 00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:58,036
- Her ring was on the table,
- and she said...
- 163
- 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,540
- Um...
- 164
- 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,765
- She said it was over.
- 165
- 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,112
- Ouch, dude.
- 166
- 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,837
- What happened to your hand?
- 167
- 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:12,840
- - I punched a hole in the wall.
- - You okay?
- 168
- 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,208
- Yeah.
- I don't think it's broken.
- 169
- 00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:17,244
- No, I mean, you.
- Are you okay?
- 170
- 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:20,747
- Oh, um, yeah.
- 171
- 00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,083
- Yeah, I think...
- I think so.
- 172
- 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,985
- Maybe it's for the best.
- 173
- 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,620
- That you found out
- that she's a bitch now
- 174
- 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,021
- and not two weeks from now?
- 175
- 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,957
- Or before a couple of gremlins
- crawled out of her.
- 176
- 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,992
- Which you have to pay
- child support for
- 177
- 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,027
- when you only get
- to see them every two weeks.
- 178
- 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,163
- You only see your kids
- twice a month?
- 179
- 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,131
- It's a fucking travesty, Nick,
- but here's the thing.
- 180
- 00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,500
- I try to look at the positive,
- 181
- 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,168
- they have soccer games
- on the weekends.
- 182
- 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,637
- I have my boat time.
- I don't bring the kids there.
- 183
- 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:46,206
- It's dangerous, you know.
- There's water. They can't swim.
- 184
- 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,108
- It's not a safe place
- for the kids, no.
- 185
- 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,644
- But I get to do
- bachelor parties though.
- 186
- 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:51,678
- That's the one good thing.
- 187
- 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,080
- Bachelor parties
- with my buddies.
- 188
- 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,515
- - Yeah!
- - Oh, shit.
- 189
- 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,550
- It's not your bachelor party
- anymore.
- 190
- 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,063
- I'm sorry, Joe.
- 191
- 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:02,523
- Hey, man, did she
- say anything else?
- 192
- 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:05,259
- Anything? I mean...
- 193
- 00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:07,706
- Did she say there was
- someone else?
- 194
- 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,676
- Joe? Joe?
- 195
- 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,303
- Joe.
- 196
- 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,804
- - Joe.
- - Joe!
- 197
- 00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,606
- This is so fucking bad.
- 198
- 00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:21,241
- Look, I just came up here
- to let you guys know
- 199
- 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,876
- that the bachelor party's
- over, all right?
- 200
- 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,177
- I'm sorry.
- I know that you guys
- 201
- 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:25,879
- were really looking forward
- to this weekend,
- 202
- 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,616
- but what I need to do right now
- is just figure out my life.
- 203
- 00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:30,851
- What'd you have in mind?
- 204
- 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,853
- Well, for starters,
- before it closes,
- 205
- 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,288
- I'm gonna go to Ikea.
- 206
- 00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:35,488
- - Ikea?
- - Yeah.
- 207
- 00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,958
- I don't have anything
- to sleep on tonight.
- 208
- 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,259
- Okay, you just got dumped
- 209
- 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,295
- two weeks before your wedding,
- like garbage,
- 210
- 00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,096
- - and you wanna go to Ikea?
- - Yeah, yeah.
- 211
- 00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,698
- I need furniture, you know?
- 212
- 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,166
- I think you just need
- to chill out for a minute.
- 213
- 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,701
- Took his furniture.
- It happened to me.
- 214
- 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,103
- No, I didn't own any with her.
- 215
- 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,072
- It was all hers.
- And I am chill, all right?
- 216
- 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,309
- Okay, okay. I can see that
- you need furniture.
- 217
- 00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,611
- Why Ikea?
- 218
- 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:58,712
- I like Ikea.
- 219
- 00:10:58,792 --> 00:10:59,813
- Nobody likes Ikea.
- 220
- 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:02,049
- I do. I like a lot of Ikea.
- 221
- 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,017
- I hate those little wrenches.
- 222
- 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,253
- Oh, yeah, I know.
- I swallowed one once.
- 223
- 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,721
- Never came out.
- 224
- 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,323
- How the fuck did you do that?
- 225
- 00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:14,227
- All right, all right,
- all right, Joe, wait.
- 226
- 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:15,629
- Why Ikea?
- 227
- 00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,731
- Because when I get
- something from Ikea,
- 228
- 00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:20,133
- I know exactly how long
- it takes to put it together.
- 229
- 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,035
- It says right on the box:
- 3.4 hours to assemble.
- 230
- 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:25,272
- I like knowing that for the next
- three-point-four hours,
- 231
- 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:30,077
- I'm gonna be assembling a brown
- brusali with lonset slats,
- 232
- 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,745
- and a white
- stained oak veneer Malm,
- 233
- 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,648
- or whichever fucking Ikea bed
- I'm gonna get today.
- 234
- 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,083
- Okay.
- 235
- 00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,652
- Maybe before you go,
- 236
- 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,732
- you'll have one drink with us
- at the bar.
- 237
- 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:46,705
- It shouldn't take more than
- oh-point-four hours.
- 238
- 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,899
- - Nick, get over here.
- - Ow.
- 239
- 00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,167
- - Hey, Colin!
- - What are we doing?
- 240
- 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:55,936
- Take him. Don't let him go
- no matter what.
- 241
- 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,638
- I got him.
- We doing this?
- 242
- 00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,339
- Joe, we don't think
- you're telling us the truth.
- 243
- 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,341
- - I told you what happened.
- - Yeah, but...
- 244
- 00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:04,945
- You didn't tell us
- everything that happened.
- 245
- 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,413
- No.
- 246
- 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,181
- - Yes.
- - Why?
- 247
- 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,684
- Because you like to tell
- most of the truth.
- 248
- 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,919
- That's not what we want.
- That's not what friends do.
- 249
- 00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:16,056
- We want the whole truth.
- Did she fucking cheat on you?
- 250
- 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,924
- - She fucking cheat?
- - She fucking cheat on you, Joe?
- 251
- 00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,926
- No. No!
- 252
- 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:22,407
- Careful. I've been drinking.
- 253
- 00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:25,766
- Did you get him?
- 254
- 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,367
- I was always better
- at this game drunk though.
- 255
- 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,102
- It got real.
- 256
- 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,370
- Guys, I don't wanna do this,
- all right?
- 257
- 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,172
- Bullshit you don't
- wanna do this.
- 258
- 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,808
- You drove all the way up here.
- For a reason, I think.
- 259
- 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,309
- Always there to help us,
- but when he needs it,
- 260
- 00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:37,377
- he won't let us help him.
- 261
- 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,680
- - Exactly, Nick.
- - Classic Joe.
- 262
- 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,381
- How about you tell us what
- really happened to the hand?
- 263
- 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,216
- I told you.
- I punched the wall.
- 264
- 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,285
- Yes, but why?
- We've known you since college.
- 265
- 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:48,689
- The last thing you would ever do
- is resort to senseless violence.
- 266
- 00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,090
- I was mad at her.
- 267
- 00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:51,158
- This fucking guy.
- 268
- 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,693
- You don't punch a fucking wall.
- 269
- 00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:53,794
- Mm-mm.
- 270
- 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,329
- My fiancée dumped me, all right?
- 271
- 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:59,911
- - I was mad at her.
- - No, that's wrong.
- 272
- 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,836
- - Ah, Jesus, man! Fuck!
- 273
- 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,305
- - Good darts.
- - Honestly, I'm just throwing.
- 274
- 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,307
- Just tell us what you won't
- fucking tell us, Joe.
- 275
- 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,709
- No, it's none of your business.
- 276
- 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,977
- Oh, so you admit
- there is something else?
- 277
- 00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,846
- - Aha.
- - Ooh!
- 278
- 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,815
- We're your friends.
- Please.
- 279
- 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:15,982
- Let us take care of you.
- 280
- 00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,085
- - Uh, does this count?
- - Yeah.
- 281
- 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:19,886
- - Yes.
- - Yeah.
- 282
- 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,822
- Tough love, buddy.
- 283
- 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,434
- Ah.
- 284
- 00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,853
- - Joe?
- 285
- 00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,531
- She's in love with someone else.
- 286
- 00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:08,835
- - Who is he?
- - I don't know.
- 287
- 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,270
- She said she loves him?
- 288
- 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,906
- She said that they didn't cheat,
- that they just...
- 289
- 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,408
- Fell in love,
- but they didn't have sex.
- 290
- 00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:19,279
- Well, if they're in love,
- then they're not having sex.
- 291
- 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,482
- They're making love.
- Technically.
- 292
- 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:25,051
- An emotional affair
- is still cheating, Joe.
- 293
- 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:29,823
- I don't know. She said that it's
- not really about him and her.
- 294
- 00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,458
- It's more about us,
- our problems.
- 295
- 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,393
- Oh, fuck that shit.
- I hate that excuse.
- 296
- 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,795
- God, we should find this guy.
- 297
- 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,396
- We should kick the shit
- out of him.
- 298
- 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,298
- - Can we do that?
- - Teach him a lesson.
- 299
- 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,467
- - Make you feel a lot better.
- - Going to jail?
- 300
- 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,136
- Who's going to jail?
- Why would you go to jail?
- 301
- 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,338
- Show me a cop in the world
- who's gonna put you in jail
- 302
- 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,307
- for taking the guy
- who stole your fiancée
- 303
- 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,476
- and punching him in the face
- like a few hundred times.
- 304
- 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,144
- - Not gonna happen.
- - Never happen.
- 305
- 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,413
- - No.
- - He didn't steal my fiancée.
- 306
- 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,349
- Oh, my god.
- Joe, you can't even admit that?
- 307
- 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,985
- Come on, man. The guy
- totally crossed the line.
- 308
- 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,954
- What line?
- 309
- 00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,490
- Yeah, what line?
- You...
- 310
- 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,525
- Oh, yeah, I step over it
- all the time.
- 311
- 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,194
- It's very obvious,
- in the moment. Here I am.
- 312
- 00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:09,496
- I'm talking to someone's wife
- 313
- 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:13,500
- or fiancée, mother,
- and there's an attraction.
- 314
- 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,536
- And then all of a sudden,
- we're sharing energy.
- 315
- 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,839
- And then there's a line.
- There it is.
- 316
- 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,440
- Oh, that line.
- Yeah, I know that line.
- 317
- 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,076
- And I have a choice.
- Do I step over it,
- 318
- 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,544
- or do I step back?
- 319
- 00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:27,480
- Guess what this cum stain did.
- He stepped right over it.
- 320
- 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,383
- - He stepped over the line.
- - Stomped over the line.
- 321
- 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,018
- - He stomped it, Joe.
- - Like a stallion.
- 322
- 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:35,989
- Let me ask you something.
- Just hypothetically.
- 323
- 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:39,059
- If you could do anything
- to teach this guy a lesson,
- 324
- 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,306
- what'd that be?
- 325
- 00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:46,077
- - What, anything?
- - Mm-hmm.
- 326
- 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,537
- I'd make him dig his own grave.
- 327
- 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:53,306
- You'd make him dig
- his own grave? Shit!
- 328
- 00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:54,941
- That's so dark.
- 329
- 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:58,278
- Like in mob movies, right?
- When they take a guy out,
- 330
- 00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,646
- they take him
- to the woods to kill him,
- 331
- 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,382
- but they make him
- dig his own grave first.
- 332
- 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,619
- In reality, I mean,
- that must take hours, right?
- 333
- 00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:07,454
- And the whole time
- you're digging,
- 334
- 00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:10,657
- you're just thinking
- about what you did
- 335
- 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:13,426
- that got you in that situation.
- 336
- 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,929
- That's genius, man.
- 337
- 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:18,331
- Yeah, then you pop that piece of
- shit in the back of the head
- 338
- 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,432
- three times, right?
- 339
- 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,401
- Blap! Blap! Ra-ta-ta!
- 340
- 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:25,038
- I'd probably have to, right?
- 341
- 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,240
- No, you wouldn't.
- 342
- 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,244
- No. You just
- turn him around, right?
- 343
- 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,114
- He's sitting there,
- he's evacuating his bowels,
- 344
- 00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,116
- looking down into his own grave,
- 345
- 00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,984
- waiting for the lights
- to go out,
- 346
- 00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:39,586
- thinking about what he did.
- 347
- 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,100
- And then...
- 348
- 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,593
- You let him go.
- 349
- 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,529
- Fuck yeah. Dude would never
- mess with you again.
- 350
- 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,431
- - Yeah.
- - Oh! You do nothing.
- 351
- 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,599
- I love it.
- It's the ultimate revenge.
- 352
- 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,799
- You're sick.
- 353
- 00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:57,237
- Well, how about, uh, you know,
- instead of sweet revenge,
- 354
- 00:16:57,317 --> 00:17:01,141
- next best thing,
- some sweet, stanky booze?
- 355
- 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,043
- Guys, I'm gonna go to that
- meeting on Monday, okay?
- 356
- 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,978
- Or Tuesday.
- Wednesday at the very latest.
- 357
- 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,513
- No, no, no, you're off leash.
- 358
- 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,615
- - It's Joe's bachelor party.
- - No, no.
- 359
- 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,095
- It's not my bachelor party
- anymore.
- 360
- 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,623
- Rude.
- 361
- 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,392
- Okay, so it's not the end
- of your bachelorhood.
- 362
- 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,361
- We can call it
- whatever we want with you,
- 363
- 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,330
- it's a celebration
- of its rebirth.
- 364
- 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,664
- That's exactly what he needs.
- I'm in.
- 365
- 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,067
- - Me too.
- - This is a rebirth of Joe.
- 366
- 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,703
- Come on, Joe.
- 367
- 00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:33,573
- - Come on in, it's warm.
- - Join us.
- 368
- 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:34,474
- Fuck it.
- 369
- 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,320
- - Hey!
- - Yes!
- 370
- 00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,650
- Oh, ho! Ah!
- 371
- 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:47,098
- Oh, my god, I feel alive again.
- I feel alive!
- 372
- 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,730
- Susan!
- 373
- 00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:45,745
- Okay, Joe.
- Susan's here for you, man.
- 374
- 00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:50,383
- It's time to take all that anger
- and disappointment and sadness
- 375
- 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,486
- and get it off your chest,
- and just...
- 376
- 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,321
- Just spray it on hers.
- 377
- 00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:57,357
- No. No, I'm not gonna do that.
- 378
- 00:18:57,437 --> 00:19:00,760
- Okay.
- Well, just the lap dance.
- 379
- 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,673
- Okay.
- 380
- 00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:15,786
- Aah! Whoo!
- 381
- 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,022
- - I can do this.
- - Do it, do it, do it!
- 382
- 00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:45,917
- One.
- 383
- 00:19:57,729 --> 00:19:59,197
- Two.
- 384
- 00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,206
- - Three.
- 385
- 00:20:24,489 --> 00:20:26,757
- - Yeah!
- 386
- 00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:38,258
- Got his hair.
- 387
- 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,260
- Okay, you got his hair?
- 388
- 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,806
- I did it!
- 389
- 00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,970
- Fuck, man!
- 390
- 00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:50,230
- What are you doing in here?
- 391
- 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,976
- The whites.
- 392
- 00:21:56,682 --> 00:21:58,749
- Fucking weirdo.
- 393
- 00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:06,246
- Hey, did you hear that?
- 394
- 00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:07,246
- No.
- 395
- 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,450
- I thought I heard some
- banging in the basement.
- 396
- 00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:11,784
- Any banging in this house
- 397
- 00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:13,920
- is probably Colin
- and that stripper.
- 398
- 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,022
- Susan.
- 399
- 00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:18,836
- - How's your ass?
- - Ah.
- 400
- 00:22:21,106 --> 00:22:22,795
- Have you seen a stripper
- do that before?
- 401
- 00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:25,409
- I have.
- When I was four.
- 402
- 00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,537
- - Oh!
- - Fantastic.
- 403
- 00:22:31,617 --> 00:22:34,307
- Nick. Nick!
- 404
- 00:22:34,387 --> 00:22:35,675
- What?
- 405
- 00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:39,445
- Why didn't you puke
- in your bathroom?
- 406
- 00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:40,613
- Wha... I puked?
- 407
- 00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,482
- In the sink.
- 408
- 00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:44,550
- Oh, shit.
- 409
- 00:22:44,630 --> 00:22:47,053
- I'm just waking up right now,
- like this very second.
- 410
- 00:22:47,133 --> 00:22:49,589
- Well, good morning.
- You just puked in the sink.
- 411
- 00:22:49,669 --> 00:22:51,858
- Clean it up.
- Hell no.
- 412
- 00:22:51,938 --> 00:22:53,771
- No.
- 413
- 00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:58,298
- Nick, do you know if Colin
- slept in the basement?
- 414
- 00:22:58,378 --> 00:23:00,400
- There's a basement?
- 415
- 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:01,946
- Speak of the devil.
- 416
- 00:23:10,455 --> 00:23:12,445
- Damn.
- 417
- 00:23:12,525 --> 00:23:15,826
- Oh, it's up in my sinuses.
- 418
- 00:23:21,533 --> 00:23:24,435
- Oh, that's fucked up.
- 419
- 00:23:33,745 --> 00:23:35,868
- - How much did that cost you?
- - Hmm?
- 420
- 00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:37,637
- How much did you
- pay that woman for sex?
- 421
- 00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:42,052
- No, we paid crystal to dance.
- She chose to stay the night.
- 422
- 00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:45,044
- Crystal?
- 423
- 00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:47,880
- Yeah. Susan is just
- her stripper name.
- 424
- 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,416
- That's good misdirection.
- 425
- 00:23:50,496 --> 00:23:51,751
- Grande Starbucks.
- 426
- 00:23:51,831 --> 00:23:53,798
- Actually, it's a medium.
- 427
- 00:23:56,668 --> 00:23:58,769
- You've been out.
- 428
- 00:24:00,705 --> 00:24:02,762
- Yup. Had some errands to run.
- 429
- 00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:06,899
- Oh, you fixing cars or...
- 430
- 00:24:06,979 --> 00:24:08,735
- Oh, are you talking
- about my outfit?
- 431
- 00:24:08,815 --> 00:24:11,816
- I like the way
- it feels against my skin.
- 432
- 00:24:13,218 --> 00:24:17,477
- This trail of mud
- seems a bit... suspicious.
- 433
- 00:24:17,557 --> 00:24:20,480
- Oh, you're just a real
- Benedict Cumberbatch.
- 434
- 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,516
- - God bless the BBC.
- - He's hiding something.
- 435
- 00:24:23,596 --> 00:24:24,784
- No, I'm not.
- 436
- 00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:27,520
- - We know you can't be trusted.
- - Yeah.
- 437
- 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,922
- Like that time you replaced
- all my shampoo with Nair.
- 438
- 00:24:30,002 --> 00:24:31,124
- That was hilarious.
- 439
- 00:24:31,204 --> 00:24:32,558
- All of my hair fell out.
- 440
- 00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:34,060
- That was the hilarious part.
- 441
- 00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:36,729
- Nick, it was unfortunate,
- but he's right.
- 442
- 00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:39,499
- It was fucking hilarious!
- 443
- 00:24:39,579 --> 00:24:40,500
- Ha ha.
- 444
- 00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:42,068
- This guy gets it.
- 445
- 00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:46,917
- Still, it proves
- you can't be trusted.
- 446
- 00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:49,809
- He is hiding something.
- 447
- 00:24:49,889 --> 00:24:50,977
- There was a loud crash
- in the basement.
- 448
- 00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:54,492
- What? Dude, you're...
- 449
- 00:24:59,064 --> 00:25:01,565
- What are you hiding, Erik?
- 450
- 00:25:03,602 --> 00:25:05,691
- Should we get the darts?
- 451
- 00:25:05,771 --> 00:25:07,505
- I got a surprise for you.
- 452
- 00:25:13,613 --> 00:25:15,001
- What is in the basement?
- 453
- 00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:17,437
- I think you're really
- gonna like this.
- 454
- 00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:19,172
- - It might be Nair, dude.
- - It's not Nair, Nick.
- 455
- 00:25:19,252 --> 00:25:22,786
- I'm just saying.
- I'm not going down there.
- 456
- 00:26:26,685 --> 00:26:29,086
- What the fuck?
- 457
- 00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:36,694
- Do you love it?
- 458
- 00:26:40,165 --> 00:26:43,334
- There's somebody
- tied up down here.
- 459
- 00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:46,893
- I'm sorry he's so muddy.
- 460
- 00:26:46,973 --> 00:26:50,663
- He tried to run,
- and he fell by the lake.
- 461
- 00:26:50,743 --> 00:26:51,964
- I didn't do this.
- 462
- 00:26:52,044 --> 00:26:54,901
- I left him in
- a more presentable position.
- 463
- 00:26:54,981 --> 00:26:56,614
- Oh, he's a big boy.
- 464
- 00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,740
- Erik, who is that?
- 465
- 00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:01,986
- It's the guy.
- 466
- 00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:04,911
- It's the fucking guy.
- 467
- 00:27:04,991 --> 00:27:08,180
- - Oh, my god.
- - What guy?
- 468
- 00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:09,749
- He's finally done it.
- 469
- 00:27:09,829 --> 00:27:11,617
- Wait, he...
- What has he done?
- 470
- 00:27:11,697 --> 00:27:12,752
- It's him.
- 471
- 00:27:12,832 --> 00:27:14,153
- You fucked us all.
- 472
- 00:27:14,233 --> 00:27:15,922
- Huh? What?
- 473
- 00:27:16,002 --> 00:27:18,124
- The point is we got him.
- He's tied up.
- 474
- 00:27:18,204 --> 00:27:21,672
- He's not so fucking tall now,
- is he? Is he?
- 475
- 00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:24,208
- What?
- 476
- 00:27:31,716 --> 00:27:33,117
- Happy bachelor party.
- 477
- 00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:39,879
- - Is he okay?
- - I don't know. Joe.
- 478
- 00:27:39,959 --> 00:27:42,148
- Something's wrong with him.
- 479
- 00:27:42,228 --> 00:27:43,861
- Joe.
- 480
- 00:27:49,234 --> 00:27:51,223
- What's wrong with you?
- 481
- 00:27:51,303 --> 00:27:52,858
- What's wrong with me?
- 482
- 00:27:52,938 --> 00:27:54,093
- Yeah, I'm trying to help you.
- 483
- 00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:55,995
- I'm a little bit lost.
- Who is that?
- 484
- 00:27:56,075 --> 00:27:59,332
- You think kidnapping
- the guy who stole my fiancée
- 485
- 00:27:59,412 --> 00:28:00,232
- is gonna help me?
- 486
- 00:28:00,312 --> 00:28:02,602
- - Oh, shit.
- - Yes!
- 487
- 00:28:02,682 --> 00:28:04,670
- Dude, it's gonna make you
- feel so much better
- 488
- 00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:07,006
- knowing that this asshole
- paid for what he did.
- 489
- 00:28:07,086 --> 00:28:09,208
- So now I'm supposed to go down
- there and beat him with an oar?
- 490
- 00:28:09,288 --> 00:28:11,110
- Or maybe waterboard him
- for a bit?
- 491
- 00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,678
- Those sound like great options.
- 492
- 00:28:12,758 --> 00:28:14,880
- You fucking kidnapped someone!
- 493
- 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,293
- I know!
- 494
- 00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:19,296
- You're welcome?
- 495
- 00:28:20,298 --> 00:28:22,021
- Hey, man, how did you
- kidnap that guy?
- 496
- 00:28:22,101 --> 00:28:23,189
- Oh, dude, I'm glad you asked.
- 497
- 00:28:23,269 --> 00:28:24,890
- It was actually easier
- than I thought.
- 498
- 00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:26,359
- First, I called Kelly.
- 499
- 00:28:26,439 --> 00:28:28,394
- Jess, his best friend,
- would know what's going on.
- 500
- 00:28:28,474 --> 00:28:30,796
- - How's her juice business?
- - I don't know. I didn't ask.
- 501
- 00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:32,732
- She's terrible with secrets
- as you all know,
- 502
- 00:28:32,812 --> 00:28:34,734
- so it didn't take her long
- to tell me where to find him.
- 503
- 00:28:34,814 --> 00:28:36,268
- You have to be the biggest...
- 504
- 00:28:36,348 --> 00:28:39,071
- Your place.
- 505
- 00:28:39,151 --> 00:28:41,307
- - Boom.
- - I knocked on your door.
- 506
- 00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:44,043
- This grease ball answered.
- I tied him up.
- 507
- 00:28:44,123 --> 00:28:45,311
- What about...
- 508
- 00:28:45,391 --> 00:28:49,215
- Oh, uh, sent Jess a text
- with his phone.
- 509
- 00:28:49,295 --> 00:28:51,651
- "Sorry, I had to leave.
- My hemorrhoids are killing me."
- 510
- 00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:52,651
- It works.
- 511
- 00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:53,986
- - Let me see that.
- - No.
- 512
- 00:28:54,066 --> 00:28:55,688
- No, man, trust me.
- 513
- 00:28:55,768 --> 00:28:57,256
- You don't want to see the things
- they've been texting.
- 514
- 00:28:57,336 --> 00:28:59,425
- - Sexting.
- - It's more about sunsets.
- 515
- 00:28:59,505 --> 00:29:00,625
- It's revolting.
- 516
- 00:29:00,705 --> 00:29:04,063
- Okay. Help me out here.
- I'm trying to piece it together.
- 517
- 00:29:04,143 --> 00:29:05,231
- Yeah, yeah, shoot.
- 518
- 00:29:05,311 --> 00:29:06,899
- Guy's kind of a big guy.
- 519
- 00:29:06,979 --> 00:29:09,201
- - Yeah, he's huge.
- - He just let you tie him up.
- 520
- 00:29:09,281 --> 00:29:12,238
- Oh, no.
- Dude, I had this mask on.
- 521
- 00:29:12,318 --> 00:29:13,372
- So?
- 522
- 00:29:13,452 --> 00:29:15,307
- So then I also had my dad's gun.
- 523
- 00:29:15,387 --> 00:29:17,043
- - What the hell?
- - That helped.
- 524
- 00:29:17,123 --> 00:29:18,177
- Fuck! No, don't!
- 525
- 00:29:18,257 --> 00:29:20,813
- - That helped.
- - Oh, great.
- 526
- 00:29:20,893 --> 00:29:22,014
- That's really funny.
- 527
- 00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:23,783
- Cool down with that thing, man!
- 528
- 00:29:23,863 --> 00:29:25,685
- For armed kidnapping,
- that's another ten years.
- 529
- 00:29:25,765 --> 00:29:28,087
- Fucking great, Erik.
- You've really done it this time.
- 530
- 00:29:28,167 --> 00:29:31,168
- Someone's gonna have to use
- my chloroform.
- 531
- 00:29:33,004 --> 00:29:34,994
- Why do you have chloroform?
- 532
- 00:29:35,074 --> 00:29:37,241
- Most people have chloroform.
- 533
- 00:29:38,309 --> 00:29:40,399
- You're a scary person.
- Seriously.
- 534
- 00:29:40,479 --> 00:29:42,234
- Well, great. Looks like
- we're stuck cleaning up
- 535
- 00:29:42,314 --> 00:29:44,236
- another one of Erik's messes.
- 536
- 00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:45,938
- I think we need
- to think about it.
- 537
- 00:29:46,018 --> 00:29:48,874
- I think we need to be
- very careful on our next move.
- 538
- 00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:50,276
- What happens we let the guy go?
- 539
- 00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:53,979
- The guy squeals to the cops,
- Erik goes to jail.
- 540
- 00:29:54,059 --> 00:29:56,415
- - Good.
- - Flipside of that coin.
- 541
- 00:29:56,495 --> 00:29:58,284
- We don't untie him,
- we're all accomplices,
- 542
- 00:29:58,364 --> 00:29:59,719
- and we all go to jail.
- 543
- 00:29:59,799 --> 00:30:01,120
- No one is going to jail!
- 544
- 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:02,354
- How do you know?
- 545
- 00:30:02,434 --> 00:30:04,468
- Dude, nobody's
- going to the cops!
- 546
- 00:30:10,408 --> 00:30:11,731
- Not it.
- 547
- 00:30:11,811 --> 00:30:13,099
- What? No.
- 548
- 00:30:13,179 --> 00:30:15,479
- No, you can't do that
- in this situation.
- 549
- 00:30:16,882 --> 00:30:17,937
- Yes, coming, coming.
- 550
- 00:30:18,017 --> 00:30:19,004
- - Joe.
- - I'm sorry.
- 551
- 00:30:19,084 --> 00:30:21,273
- Talk to the cop, Joe.
- 552
- 00:30:21,353 --> 00:30:24,477
- Put your fucking thumbs down.
- You're coming with me.
- 553
- 00:30:24,557 --> 00:30:26,145
- - Do it.
- - He's got yellow glasses.
- 554
- 00:30:26,225 --> 00:30:28,514
- Put your thumbs down!
- Calm down. Just be calm.
- 555
- 00:30:28,594 --> 00:30:30,360
- Dude, they're fucking
- shooting glasses.
- 556
- 00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,153
- Morning, officer.
- 557
- 00:30:34,233 --> 00:30:36,233
- Good afternoon, son.
- 558
- 00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:40,226
- Oh, I'm sorry,
- is is that late already?
- 559
- 00:30:40,306 --> 00:30:42,161
- Boys having some kind
- of a party here?
- 560
- 00:30:42,241 --> 00:30:44,764
- No. I mean, yeah, sort of.
- 561
- 00:30:44,844 --> 00:30:47,066
- I mean, it's not
- a party-party.
- 562
- 00:30:47,146 --> 00:30:48,400
- Which is it?
- 563
- 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,137
- Uh...
- 564
- 00:30:51,217 --> 00:30:52,371
- It's his bachelor party, sir.
- 565
- 00:30:52,451 --> 00:30:55,107
- No. No, it's not.
- Not, not really.
- 566
- 00:30:55,187 --> 00:31:00,246
- No, it's really just four guys
- hanging out for the weekend.
- 567
- 00:31:00,326 --> 00:31:03,327
- Just one, two, three, four.
- 568
- 00:31:07,165 --> 00:31:08,487
- No one else, huh?
- 569
- 00:31:08,567 --> 00:31:11,857
- No. No.
- 570
- 00:31:11,937 --> 00:31:12,937
- No.
- 571
- 00:31:18,576 --> 00:31:21,333
- We got a call about a woman
- in disarray of dress
- 572
- 00:31:21,413 --> 00:31:23,002
- leaving this residence earlier.
- 573
- 00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:24,970
- Oh, yeah. Crystal... Susan.
- 574
- 00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:27,139
- - Crystal Susan?
- - Crystal Susan.
- 575
- 00:31:27,219 --> 00:31:29,953
- - Crystal Susan.
- - Crystal-Susan.
- 576
- 00:31:31,222 --> 00:31:32,478
- It's a hyphenate.
- 577
- 00:31:32,558 --> 00:31:33,946
- So that's an affirmative?
- 578
- 00:31:34,026 --> 00:31:35,848
- Yes.
- 579
- 00:31:35,928 --> 00:31:37,216
- Yeah, affirmative, affirmative.
- 580
- 00:31:37,296 --> 00:31:39,185
- You do realize that prostitution
- 581
- 00:31:39,265 --> 00:31:40,886
- is illegal in big bear.
- 582
- 00:31:40,966 --> 00:31:44,490
- Affirmative. Crystal-Susan
- is a law student.
- 583
- 00:31:44,570 --> 00:31:48,494
- Actually, she overslept for
- a law test on legal distress.
- 584
- 00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:52,097
- That's why she left
- in disarray...
- 585
- 00:31:52,177 --> 00:31:54,099
- Of dress.
- 586
- 00:31:54,179 --> 00:31:55,612
- Yup.
- 587
- 00:31:58,683 --> 00:32:00,105
- You have a medical
- marijuana card
- 588
- 00:32:00,185 --> 00:32:01,974
- from the state of California?
- 589
- 00:32:02,054 --> 00:32:03,320
- No.
- 590
- 00:32:05,256 --> 00:32:07,379
- Well, if I hear of anybody
- 591
- 00:32:07,459 --> 00:32:10,115
- using medical marijuana
- for recreational purposes,
- 592
- 00:32:10,195 --> 00:32:13,085
- do you know the first place
- that I'm gonna come?
- 593
- 00:32:13,165 --> 00:32:14,253
- Here?
- 594
- 00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:16,021
- Bright boy, bright boy.
- 595
- 00:32:16,101 --> 00:32:17,156
- Look at him go.
- 596
- 00:32:17,236 --> 00:32:19,892
- I got my eye on you four.
- 597
- 00:32:19,972 --> 00:32:23,340
- One, two, three...
- 598
- 00:32:25,510 --> 00:32:26,710
- Four.
- 599
- 00:32:40,224 --> 00:32:42,214
- Well, that was weird.
- 600
- 00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:43,349
- I'm letting him go.
- 601
- 00:32:43,429 --> 00:32:44,984
- Wait, wait, wait, listen.
- 602
- 00:32:45,064 --> 00:32:48,153
- If we make him realize
- that he deserves what he gets,
- 603
- 00:32:48,233 --> 00:32:49,555
- he's not going to the cops.
- 604
- 00:32:49,635 --> 00:32:51,557
- You thought that
- you'd kidnap this guy,
- 605
- 00:32:51,637 --> 00:32:54,159
- beat him up, and then he'd say,
- "yeah, I deserved that."
- 606
- 00:32:54,239 --> 00:32:56,228
- Yeah, that's about right.
- 607
- 00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:58,030
- Is this just a joke to you?
- 608
- 00:32:58,110 --> 00:33:01,901
- No. It's not a joke.
- 609
- 00:33:01,981 --> 00:33:03,313
- Wha...
- 610
- 00:33:04,449 --> 00:33:06,283
- Do not untie him!
- 611
- 00:33:23,267 --> 00:33:27,337
- I'm gonna... I'm gonna come
- take the tape off now.
- 612
- 00:33:38,217 --> 00:33:39,638
- Oh, it's really stuck on there.
- 613
- 00:33:39,718 --> 00:33:41,941
- Oh, it's really stuck.
- 614
- 00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:44,176
- I can't understand you.
- There's tape on your face.
- 615
- 00:33:44,256 --> 00:33:47,513
- Rip it fast.
- 616
- 00:33:47,593 --> 00:33:48,647
- Oh.
- 617
- 00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:50,082
- Fuck!
- 618
- 00:33:50,162 --> 00:33:51,617
- Why would you rip it so slow?
- 619
- 00:33:51,697 --> 00:33:53,385
- I don't know.
- I've never done it before.
- 620
- 00:33:53,465 --> 00:33:55,421
- - You took off part of my lip.
- - I'm sorry.
- 621
- 00:33:55,501 --> 00:33:57,367
- You should be.
- 622
- 00:33:59,170 --> 00:34:02,561
- Look, I don't know
- what any of this is about.
- 623
- 00:34:02,641 --> 00:34:05,230
- You don't know who I am?
- 624
- 00:34:05,310 --> 00:34:08,233
- Uh, no. Should I?
- 625
- 00:34:08,313 --> 00:34:10,747
- Well, you're wearing
- my fucking robe.
- 626
- 00:34:12,750 --> 00:34:15,140
- Oh.
- 627
- 00:34:15,220 --> 00:34:16,308
- You're Joe.
- 628
- 00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:18,377
- You're laughing.
- 629
- 00:34:18,457 --> 00:34:21,246
- - No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- - You're clearly laughing.
- 630
- 00:34:21,326 --> 00:34:22,648
- - I'm sorry. I'm not laughing.
- - It's not funny.
- 631
- 00:34:22,728 --> 00:34:25,484
- I know it's not.
- I'm just...
- 632
- 00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:27,252
- - I'm relieved.
- - Relieved?
- 633
- 00:34:27,332 --> 00:34:29,688
- Yeah. I thought
- it was work-related.
- 634
- 00:34:29,768 --> 00:34:32,524
- - What do you do for work?
- - I'm in corporate takeovers.
- 635
- 00:34:32,604 --> 00:34:34,526
- Some people take it
- very personally.
- 636
- 00:34:34,606 --> 00:34:37,696
- The guy who stole my fiancée
- is in corporate takeovers?
- 637
- 00:34:37,776 --> 00:34:40,499
- - It's an honest living.
- - Okay, but you're still tied up
- 638
- 00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:42,334
- in a scary basement in big bear.
- 639
- 00:34:42,414 --> 00:34:44,103
- Oh, I love big bear.
- 640
- 00:34:44,183 --> 00:34:49,641
- But yeah, this is...
- I don't think... you know?
- 641
- 00:34:49,721 --> 00:34:52,678
- Look, Joe, I'm really sorry
- 642
- 00:34:52,758 --> 00:34:56,615
- about what happened
- between you and Jess,
- 643
- 00:34:56,695 --> 00:35:00,586
- but you can untie me now.
- 644
- 00:35:00,666 --> 00:35:03,255
- I'm gonna untie you, all right?
- But before I do that,
- 645
- 00:35:03,335 --> 00:35:05,791
- I just want you to agree
- that this was a stupid mistake.
- 646
- 00:35:05,871 --> 00:35:09,061
- Oh, agreed.
- 647
- 00:35:09,141 --> 00:35:12,509
- And I just need you to say that
- you're not gonna go to the cops.
- 648
- 00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:16,568
- I'm sorry.
- 649
- 00:35:16,648 --> 00:35:19,405
- No, you can't just take somebody
- 650
- 00:35:19,485 --> 00:35:21,073
- and expect not to pay
- the consequences.
- 651
- 00:35:21,153 --> 00:35:23,208
- Kind of like how you
- just took my fiancée?
- 652
- 00:35:23,288 --> 00:35:27,179
- Oh, like what you did there.
- But no, it's not the same thing.
- 653
- 00:35:27,259 --> 00:35:30,115
- - It's not?
- - No. I didn't break any laws.
- 654
- 00:35:30,195 --> 00:35:32,684
- The basic tenets of almost
- every law ever written...
- 655
- 00:35:32,764 --> 00:35:34,253
- The ten fucking commandments...
- 656
- 00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:36,488
- Say you can't take
- someone else's girl.
- 657
- 00:35:36,568 --> 00:35:38,090
- Actually,
- that's your neighbor's wife,
- 658
- 00:35:38,170 --> 00:35:43,740
- and, technically, you guys
- weren't married yet.
- 659
- 00:35:44,642 --> 00:35:46,265
- Who the fuck are you?
- 660
- 00:35:46,345 --> 00:35:50,302
- Look, Joe, I actually played a
- very small part in your breakup.
- 661
- 00:35:50,382 --> 00:35:51,603
- - Really?
- - Yeah.
- 662
- 00:35:51,683 --> 00:35:53,806
- You guys have a lot of issues.
- 663
- 00:35:53,886 --> 00:35:57,209
- Oh, we do? Do tell.
- I'd love to hear them.
- 664
- 00:35:57,289 --> 00:35:58,444
- - Would you?
- - Yeah.
- 665
- 00:35:58,524 --> 00:36:02,548
- Okay. Well, shit.
- I mean, uh...
- 666
- 00:36:02,628 --> 00:36:04,650
- For instance, you...
- 667
- 00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:06,830
- You hated her family.
- 668
- 00:36:08,533 --> 00:36:09,755
- I didn't hate her family.
- 669
- 00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:11,490
- You didn't go on the ski trip
- last year.
- 670
- 00:36:11,570 --> 00:36:13,158
- That really hurt
- Jess's feelings.
- 671
- 00:36:13,238 --> 00:36:15,627
- I didn't go 'cause her dad
- was gonna be there and...
- 672
- 00:36:15,707 --> 00:36:17,329
- Wait, how do you know all this?
- 673
- 00:36:17,409 --> 00:36:19,765
- That's right.
- You're scared of her father.
- 674
- 00:36:19,845 --> 00:36:21,600
- I am not scared of her dad.
- 675
- 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,569
- - You're not?
- - No.
- 676
- 00:36:23,649 --> 00:36:25,204
- - You sure?
- - Yes.
- 677
- 00:36:25,284 --> 00:36:27,172
- Really?
- 678
- 00:36:27,252 --> 00:36:28,785
- Fuck you.
- 679
- 00:36:30,755 --> 00:36:34,224
- Hey, wait, you didn't
- untie me. Joe!
- 680
- 00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:37,327
- Hello?
- 681
- 00:36:39,598 --> 00:36:41,253
- What are you guys doing?
- 682
- 00:36:41,333 --> 00:36:42,621
- - Huh?
- - Hey. Nothing, man.
- 683
- 00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:44,323
- - Did you untie him?
- - Dude, what happened?
- 684
- 00:36:44,403 --> 00:36:46,391
- What going on? Hey.
- 685
- 00:36:46,471 --> 00:36:48,794
- - Um...
- - Did you untie him?
- 686
- 00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:49,795
- No, not yet.
- 687
- 00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:51,763
- - Good.
- - Can I have this beer?
- 688
- 00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:54,399
- Yeah, if you like drinking
- in the morning, go for it.
- 689
- 00:36:54,479 --> 00:36:56,902
- He's kinda cocky.
- 690
- 00:36:56,982 --> 00:37:00,283
- Okay! So let's teach this cocky
- motherfucker some respect.
- 691
- 00:37:02,286 --> 00:37:04,443
- Fuck. Hold on.
- 692
- 00:37:04,523 --> 00:37:06,245
- I'll get that.
- 693
- 00:37:06,325 --> 00:37:07,479
- - Be mean!
- - Go, Joe!
- 694
- 00:37:07,559 --> 00:37:08,547
- Go get him, Joe.
- 695
- 00:37:08,627 --> 00:37:10,149
- Come on, let's do this.
- 696
- 00:37:10,229 --> 00:37:12,551
- Just a little.
- 697
- 00:37:12,631 --> 00:37:14,686
- All right, ready?
- 698
- 00:37:14,766 --> 00:37:18,235
- What was it, end of the lips
- and over your gums?
- 699
- 00:37:19,003 --> 00:37:21,193
- Look, when I asked
- for his blessing
- 700
- 00:37:21,273 --> 00:37:23,262
- to marry his daughter,
- he said no.
- 701
- 00:37:23,342 --> 00:37:26,165
- Ooh. I could understand why
- you'd be afraid of him then.
- 702
- 00:37:26,245 --> 00:37:31,236
- Exactly. No, I'm not...
- He's a very traditional man,
- 703
- 00:37:31,316 --> 00:37:32,871
- so I thought if I asked
- for his blessing,
- 704
- 00:37:32,951 --> 00:37:35,440
- he might finally
- show me some respect.
- 705
- 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,210
- Why did he say no?
- 706
- 00:37:38,290 --> 00:37:41,480
- He said that if we got married,
- we'd have a hard time
- 707
- 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,582
- because I don't make
- enough money.
- 708
- 00:37:43,662 --> 00:37:46,919
- Hmm. How much did you
- pull in last year?
- 709
- 00:37:46,999 --> 00:37:48,520
- 75, 80k?
- 710
- 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:49,888
- What?
- 711
- 00:37:49,968 --> 00:37:51,868
- Fifty? Sixty?
- 712
- 00:37:53,537 --> 00:37:56,195
- Less? Thirty? Joe!
- 713
- 00:37:56,275 --> 00:37:59,331
- I had a really rough year
- last year, okay?
- 714
- 00:37:59,411 --> 00:38:01,333
- - It wasn't normal.
- - That's right. You got demoted.
- 715
- 00:38:01,413 --> 00:38:03,902
- Exactly! Yeah, for reasons
- out of my control.
- 716
- 00:38:03,982 --> 00:38:06,305
- Your boss promoted his
- unqualified nephew or something.
- 717
- 00:38:06,385 --> 00:38:09,408
- Yes. He had never even
- worked in our division.
- 718
- 00:38:09,488 --> 00:38:10,709
- How do you know all that?
- 719
- 00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:12,211
- How could you let that
- happen though?
- 720
- 00:38:12,291 --> 00:38:15,247
- - No, I didn't let it happen.
- - Yeah.
- 721
- 00:38:15,327 --> 00:38:18,917
- - Either that or get fired.
- - So get fired or, shit, quit.
- 722
- 00:38:18,997 --> 00:38:21,753
- - If it's respect that you want.
- - I want money.
- 723
- 00:38:21,833 --> 00:38:23,222
- That was the whole thing.
- 724
- 00:38:23,302 --> 00:38:25,624
- I needed the money
- to have a good marriage
- 725
- 00:38:25,704 --> 00:38:27,392
- so that I could get respect,
- I thought.
- 726
- 00:38:27,472 --> 00:38:29,995
- Look, Joe, I think Jess's dad
- might've been right.
- 727
- 00:38:30,075 --> 00:38:33,332
- You can't support a family
- on an income like that.
- 728
- 00:38:33,412 --> 00:38:35,767
- Half of marriages end
- because of money problems.
- 729
- 00:38:35,847 --> 00:38:37,903
- And the other half end
- because of infidelity.
- 730
- 00:38:37,983 --> 00:38:41,473
- - Whoa.
- - Oh, right, right.
- 731
- 00:38:41,553 --> 00:38:45,377
- You haven't slept with Jess.
- 732
- 00:38:45,457 --> 00:38:47,312
- Yet.
- 733
- 00:38:47,392 --> 00:38:49,514
- Why you just untie me
- 734
- 00:38:49,594 --> 00:38:53,897
- before you do something you're
- really gonna end up regretting?
- 735
- 00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:08,700
- You're smarter than this, Joe.
- 736
- 00:39:08,780 --> 00:39:11,970
- You need to wise up.
- 737
- 00:39:12,050 --> 00:39:15,418
- You know, you can't go around
- doing shit like this.
- 738
- 00:39:35,973 --> 00:39:39,008
- - I guess I just did.
- 739
- 00:39:42,513 --> 00:39:43,835
- Fuck!
- 740
- 00:39:43,915 --> 00:39:46,004
- - Chop it up real fine.
- - Make 'em a little fatter.
- 741
- 00:39:46,084 --> 00:39:48,607
- - Where'd you get this shit?
- - It's one of Mike's items.
- 742
- 00:39:48,687 --> 00:39:50,876
- Oh, Mike.
- Man, this is a good shit.
- 743
- 00:39:50,956 --> 00:39:52,377
- Make 'em fat, make 'em big.
- 744
- 00:39:52,457 --> 00:39:54,579
- Shut up. I know what I'm doing.
- 745
- 00:39:54,659 --> 00:39:56,581
- Fuck that guy!
- 746
- 00:39:56,661 --> 00:39:58,317
- Fuck yeah!
- 747
- 00:39:58,397 --> 00:39:59,617
- Now do you see?
- 748
- 00:39:59,697 --> 00:40:01,720
- Somehow that guy knows
- everything about me.
- 749
- 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,455
- - He knows everything about you.
- - He does.
- 750
- 00:40:03,535 --> 00:40:04,890
- That's what these guys do.
- 751
- 00:40:04,970 --> 00:40:06,992
- They get the information,
- they get the girl to vent,
- 752
- 00:40:07,072 --> 00:40:09,361
- start purging about
- the boyfriend.
- 753
- 00:40:09,441 --> 00:40:10,662
- She told him everything.
- 754
- 00:40:10,742 --> 00:40:12,464
- - Told him everything about you.
- - Fuck.
- 755
- 00:40:12,544 --> 00:40:14,966
- - He flipped it on me.
- - He flipped it on you.
- 756
- 00:40:15,046 --> 00:40:16,635
- He fucking flipped it on you!
- 757
- 00:40:16,715 --> 00:40:18,470
- - Fuck that guy.
- - Fuck that guy!
- 758
- 00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:19,871
- Except in this case,
- 759
- 00:40:19,951 --> 00:40:22,574
- he got the fiancée to fucking
- break up with the fiancé
- 760
- 00:40:22,654 --> 00:40:24,643
- two weeks before
- the fucking wedding!
- 761
- 00:40:24,723 --> 00:40:26,978
- - Fuck it.
- - Yeah.
- 762
- 00:40:27,058 --> 00:40:29,881
- - Told you it was good shit.
- - Is that my credit card?
- 763
- 00:40:29,961 --> 00:40:33,618
- Where? Oh, is this...
- 764
- 00:40:33,698 --> 00:40:34,720
- Yeah, I think that's yours.
- 765
- 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,688
- Listen, we have a problem.
- 766
- 00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:37,756
- Yeah, I know.
- 767
- 00:40:37,836 --> 00:40:39,391
- We're all accomplices now.
- 768
- 00:40:39,471 --> 00:40:40,525
- Good for you.
- 769
- 00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:41,993
- No, we have a bigger problem.
- 770
- 00:40:42,073 --> 00:40:43,907
- Jess won't stop calling.
- 771
- 00:40:46,510 --> 00:40:47,811
- Really?
- 772
- 00:40:50,214 --> 00:40:54,473
- Oh, okay, I got it.
- Here's what you do. You say,
- 773
- 00:40:54,553 --> 00:40:56,842
- "hey, sorry I didn't get back
- to your texts or phone calls.
- 774
- 00:40:56,922 --> 00:40:58,443
- Just got out of the er.
- 775
- 00:40:58,523 --> 00:41:00,379
- My hemorrhoids are still
- bleeding all over the place."
- 776
- 00:41:00,459 --> 00:41:02,681
- - Oh, gross.
- - That's the OG story.
- 777
- 00:41:02,761 --> 00:41:04,649
- You gotta stick to it, man.
- 778
- 00:41:04,729 --> 00:41:06,618
- She's really worried
- about him, huh?
- 779
- 00:41:06,698 --> 00:41:08,086
- Who cares? Let her worry.
- 780
- 00:41:08,166 --> 00:41:10,722
- Nope. Tell her something
- that'll get her to chill out.
- 781
- 00:41:10,802 --> 00:41:13,392
- This is your fault
- for not moving his car.
- 782
- 00:41:13,472 --> 00:41:16,094
- I'm sorry. I'm gonna kidnap him
- and valet his car?
- 783
- 00:41:16,174 --> 00:41:18,397
- Didn't think about that,
- did you, genius?
- 784
- 00:41:18,477 --> 00:41:20,732
- You know what? Why don't you say
- "I'm sorry. My car didn't start,
- 785
- 00:41:20,812 --> 00:41:22,401
- so I took a cab
- to my apartment."
- 786
- 00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:23,735
- - That's good.
- - What if he has a house?
- 787
- 00:41:23,815 --> 00:41:25,670
- Your kids don't love you.
- 788
- 00:41:25,750 --> 00:41:26,805
- Sorry. I didn't mean that.
- 789
- 00:41:26,885 --> 00:41:29,808
- Say "I took a cab to my place."
- 790
- 00:41:29,888 --> 00:41:32,544
- - She said he left his wallet.
- - Goddamn it!
- 791
- 00:41:32,624 --> 00:41:36,526
- I'm sorry I didn't have time to
- gather his personal belongings.
- 792
- 00:41:37,829 --> 00:41:41,119
- Shit. She's gonna call the cops.
- 793
- 00:41:41,199 --> 00:41:42,899
- Fuck.
- 794
- 00:41:45,036 --> 00:41:46,458
- I need your help.
- 795
- 00:41:46,538 --> 00:41:48,860
- Fuck you.
- 796
- 00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:52,431
- I just need you to tell me
- what to text Jess
- 797
- 00:41:52,511 --> 00:41:54,533
- that's gonna get her
- to calm down.
- 798
- 00:41:54,613 --> 00:41:55,534
- Fuck you.
- 799
- 00:41:55,614 --> 00:41:56,701
- Okay, all right.
- 800
- 00:41:56,781 --> 00:41:59,115
- I'll take the tape off.
- 801
- 00:42:06,056 --> 00:42:10,660
- I know, I know. Rip it fast.
- 802
- 00:42:11,930 --> 00:42:14,719
- That is strong duct tape.
- 803
- 00:42:14,799 --> 00:42:16,955
- Come on.
- What should I tell her?
- 804
- 00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:18,957
- Tell her I'm tied up
- in a basement in big bear
- 805
- 00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:21,560
- - and to send the police.
- - Seriously.
- 806
- 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,829
- Seriously?
- Why the fuck would I help you?
- 807
- 00:42:23,909 --> 00:42:26,465
- Because I'm gonna
- take you back to la,
- 808
- 00:42:26,545 --> 00:42:28,099
- but it's gonna be
- a lot more difficult
- 809
- 00:42:28,179 --> 00:42:30,936
- if Jess goes on one of
- her patented freak-outs first.
- 810
- 00:42:31,016 --> 00:42:33,004
- I help you,
- you're gonna take me back?
- 811
- 00:42:33,084 --> 00:42:36,475
- - I promise.
- - Untie me first.
- 812
- 00:42:36,555 --> 00:42:38,021
- After.
- 813
- 00:42:41,659 --> 00:42:46,151
- Tell her I'm sorry
- that I disappeared.
- 814
- 00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:49,521
- Melanie came and picked me up.
- 815
- 00:42:49,601 --> 00:42:52,190
- Who's Melanie?
- 816
- 00:42:52,270 --> 00:42:53,970
- My wife.
- 817
- 00:42:58,143 --> 00:42:58,964
- What?
- 818
- 00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:00,499
- Soon to be ex-wife.
- 819
- 00:43:00,579 --> 00:43:02,033
- - You're married?
- - Yeah, but...
- 820
- 00:43:02,113 --> 00:43:06,137
- You cheated on your wife
- with my fiancée?
- 821
- 00:43:06,217 --> 00:43:07,772
- - Well...
- - An emotional affair
- 822
- 00:43:07,852 --> 00:43:09,074
- is still crossing the line.
- 823
- 00:43:09,154 --> 00:43:11,176
- - What line?
- - The line that you cross
- 824
- 00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:12,777
- when you're sharing energy
- with someone.
- 825
- 00:43:12,857 --> 00:43:15,080
- - What?
- - The fucking line you cross
- 826
- 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,882
- when you're doing
- something wrong!
- 827
- 00:43:16,962 --> 00:43:18,650
- But I guess you don't
- see it that way
- 828
- 00:43:18,730 --> 00:43:21,097
- because you didn't bring your
- dick across the line with you.
- 829
- 00:43:23,701 --> 00:43:25,034
- This better work.
- 830
- 00:43:27,771 --> 00:43:29,305
- Asshole.
- 831
- 00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:38,615
- Well? Did it work?
- 832
- 00:43:39,883 --> 00:43:41,840
- You guys use emojis?
- 833
- 00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:43,942
- What the fuck are emojis?
- 834
- 00:43:44,022 --> 00:43:47,812
- These. Stupid fucking
- smiley faces and shit.
- 835
- 00:43:47,892 --> 00:43:49,548
- Yeah. Jess likes them.
- So what?
- 836
- 00:43:49,628 --> 00:43:51,149
- Yeah, I know.
- I hate 'em.
- 837
- 00:43:51,229 --> 00:43:53,818
- Told her I won't text her back
- if she used them.
- 838
- 00:43:53,898 --> 00:43:55,554
- - Why?
- - Because they're stupid.
- 839
- 00:43:55,634 --> 00:43:56,558
- They're childish.
- 840
- 00:43:56,638 --> 00:43:58,256
- If you're gonna say something,
- say it in words.
- 841
- 00:43:58,336 --> 00:44:00,125
- - Yeah, but who cares?
- - I do.
- 842
- 00:44:00,205 --> 00:44:01,927
- She likes them. So what?
- That's her thing.
- 843
- 00:44:02,007 --> 00:44:04,829
- I mean, you think it's important
- enough to fight about it?
- 844
- 00:44:04,909 --> 00:44:07,132
- I don't need your stellar
- relationship counseling.
- 845
- 00:44:07,212 --> 00:44:09,200
- - Okay, professor love?
- - Well, maybe you do.
- 846
- 00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,037
- You've already done a whopper
- on my now previous engagement.
- 847
- 00:44:12,117 --> 00:44:14,784
- - You came asking for my advice.
- 848
- 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:17,842
- Mmm!
- 849
- 00:44:17,922 --> 00:44:20,990
- Strong tape, strong tape.
- 850
- 00:44:26,697 --> 00:44:28,954
- - Too tight?
- - Yeah, wait, hold on.
- 851
- 00:44:29,034 --> 00:44:31,723
- - Why are we tying me up again?
- - So you don't hurt yourself.
- 852
- 00:44:31,803 --> 00:44:33,992
- I don't think it's necessary.
- Ah, fuck, man!
- 853
- 00:44:34,072 --> 00:44:35,360
- All right.
- 854
- 00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:36,962
- - You'll thank me.
- - Yeah, you're right.
- 855
- 00:44:37,042 --> 00:44:39,208
- - Why is Nick tied to...
- 856
- 00:44:40,811 --> 00:44:42,267
- What is she doing here?
- 857
- 00:44:42,347 --> 00:44:45,036
- Okay, Joe, it's cool.
- She's here to help with Jess.
- 858
- 00:44:45,116 --> 00:44:47,706
- What? You told her?
- 859
- 00:44:47,786 --> 00:44:51,309
- Joe, crystal-Susan is a lady.
- She understands ladies.
- 860
- 00:44:51,389 --> 00:44:56,247
- Okay, I'm sorry, crystal-Susan,
- but it's already taken care of.
- 861
- 00:44:56,327 --> 00:45:00,118
- Oh, I was just trying
- to help, so...
- 862
- 00:45:00,198 --> 00:45:03,755
- Joe, crystal-Susan
- is here to help, okay?
- 863
- 00:45:03,835 --> 00:45:05,023
- Please, take it easy.
- 864
- 00:45:05,103 --> 00:45:06,625
- It seems like she's here
- for you.
- 865
- 00:45:06,705 --> 00:45:07,959
- Well...
- 866
- 00:45:08,039 --> 00:45:09,327
- - Are you?
- - Yeah.
- 867
- 00:45:09,407 --> 00:45:11,730
- - Are you really?
- - Yeah, why not?
- 868
- 00:45:11,810 --> 00:45:13,264
- At least I think so.
- 869
- 00:45:13,344 --> 00:45:15,233
- Why is Nick tied to a chair?
- 870
- 00:45:15,313 --> 00:45:17,302
- Oh, I got such a good idea.
- 871
- 00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:19,337
- - But it's dangerous.
- - It's not dangerous.
- 872
- 00:45:19,417 --> 00:45:21,006
- - Okay, is it dangerous?
- - Perfectly safe.
- 873
- 00:45:21,086 --> 00:45:22,641
- - It'll kill him.
- - What?
- 874
- 00:45:22,721 --> 00:45:24,242
- Colin, shut up.
- Nick, you're gonna be fine.
- 875
- 00:45:24,322 --> 00:45:25,877
- Joe, we gotta
- teach this guy a lesson.
- 876
- 00:45:25,957 --> 00:45:27,979
- It is the only way to make sure
- he doesn't squeal.
- 877
- 00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:31,182
- - I think I'm out.
- - Now, nobody here
- 878
- 00:45:31,262 --> 00:45:33,151
- is talking about
- permanently hurting,
- 879
- 00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:36,254
- wouldn't do that.
- Just talking about a little dose
- 880
- 00:45:36,334 --> 00:45:39,357
- of very healthy,
- very safe revenge.
- 881
- 00:45:39,437 --> 00:45:40,759
- Like what exactly?
- 882
- 00:45:40,839 --> 00:45:42,260
- Okay, I don't think
- it would be too much
- 883
- 00:45:42,340 --> 00:45:44,329
- to tie a car battery
- to his nipples.
- 884
- 00:45:44,409 --> 00:45:47,198
- - What? No, no. Is that safe?
- - No.
- 885
- 00:45:47,278 --> 00:45:49,300
- - I'm gonna test it on Nick.
- - Untie me.
- 886
- 00:45:49,380 --> 00:45:50,935
- I say we pull out some teeth.
- 887
- 00:45:51,015 --> 00:45:52,771
- I think that would be permanent.
- 888
- 00:45:52,851 --> 00:45:54,005
- I think we should untie me.
- 889
- 00:45:54,085 --> 00:45:55,407
- Then we'll get his fingernails.
- 890
- 00:45:55,487 --> 00:45:57,242
- - Fingernails grow back.
- - Good point.
- 891
- 00:45:57,322 --> 00:45:59,778
- - That's so dumb. So much blood.
- - Let's untie me.
- 892
- 00:45:59,858 --> 00:46:02,180
- I'm sorry, Mr. electroshock
- therapy torture man.
- 893
- 00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:04,115
- I'm trying to teach him
- a lesson he will remember.
- 894
- 00:46:04,195 --> 00:46:08,431
- He's not gonna remember anything
- if you fry his fucking brain.
- 895
- 00:46:09,901 --> 00:46:11,501
- Guys...
- 896
- 00:46:13,470 --> 00:46:14,537
- Do you...
- 897
- 00:46:15,939 --> 00:46:17,729
- Guys, guys, Joe.
- 898
- 00:46:17,809 --> 00:46:19,308
- Joe?
- 899
- 00:46:26,850 --> 00:46:30,253
- Hey, man, you okay?
- 900
- 00:46:31,488 --> 00:46:33,978
- - I'm taking him back to la.
- - No!
- 901
- 00:46:34,058 --> 00:46:36,281
- We can't take him back
- without scaring him first.
- 902
- 00:46:36,361 --> 00:46:38,149
- - I'll try and reason with him.
- - Joe, are you okay?
- 903
- 00:46:38,229 --> 00:46:39,951
- You can't reason
- with these people.
- 904
- 00:46:40,031 --> 00:46:41,286
- What was that?
- What just happened?
- 905
- 00:46:41,366 --> 00:46:44,901
- And I'm taking him back
- on my own, all right?
- 906
- 00:46:46,537 --> 00:46:48,426
- - Untie Nick.
- - What just happened there?
- 907
- 00:46:48,506 --> 00:46:50,195
- - I knew it's gonna be too much.
- - You okay, Joe?
- 908
- 00:46:50,275 --> 00:46:52,575
- I knew he was gonna freak out
- with the battery.
- 909
- 00:47:05,856 --> 00:47:10,181
- <i>You have one unheard
- message sent today at 9:35 A.M.</i>
- 910
- 00:47:10,261 --> 00:47:14,252
- <i>Oh, Joey. Oh, baby, oh.</i>
- 911
- 00:47:14,332 --> 00:47:17,600
- <i>I want you to call
- and cry with me.</i>
- 912
- 00:47:19,237 --> 00:47:21,059
- Oh, shit.
- Are you crying?
- 913
- 00:47:21,139 --> 00:47:25,897
- No. No, it was...
- It was just my mom.
- 914
- 00:47:25,977 --> 00:47:29,334
- Your mom crying?
- Okay, good.
- 915
- 00:47:29,414 --> 00:47:32,615
- Phew. That could've been
- a little awkward.
- 916
- 00:47:35,586 --> 00:47:37,876
- - You're gonna be okay.
- - Thanks.
- 917
- 00:47:37,956 --> 00:47:39,589
- Right?
- 918
- 00:47:40,991 --> 00:47:43,281
- Yeah.
- 919
- 00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:45,416
- Just hurts a lot, you know?
- 920
- 00:47:45,496 --> 00:47:47,452
- Yeah, man.
- 921
- 00:47:47,532 --> 00:47:50,633
- Do you remember back in college
- when my barber died?
- 922
- 00:47:53,871 --> 00:47:57,896
- I don't think it's the same
- kind of hurt, exactly.
- 923
- 00:47:57,976 --> 00:47:59,964
- Maybe.
- 924
- 00:48:00,044 --> 00:48:03,968
- He was the only guy in the world
- I trusted to cut my hair.
- 925
- 00:48:04,048 --> 00:48:06,304
- And then he was just dead.
- 926
- 00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:09,140
- But you know, I needed
- to have my hair cut still,
- 927
- 00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:10,475
- so I found a new barber.
- 928
- 00:48:10,555 --> 00:48:13,344
- But this fucking guy,
- he was just so...
- 929
- 00:48:13,424 --> 00:48:15,346
- Confused by my hair.
- 930
- 00:48:15,426 --> 00:48:17,515
- There's a delicate,
- sort of follicular flow
- 931
- 00:48:17,595 --> 00:48:19,918
- that goes on up here
- with the two cowlicks.
- 932
- 00:48:19,998 --> 00:48:21,286
- I have, like, three crowns,
- 933
- 00:48:21,366 --> 00:48:22,887
- and it's confusing
- for the best of them.
- 934
- 00:48:22,967 --> 00:48:24,923
- He just ruined it, man.
- I was devastated.
- 935
- 00:48:25,003 --> 00:48:27,492
- It really stressed me out.
- 936
- 00:48:27,572 --> 00:48:30,829
- I didn't realize that you take
- your haircut so seriously.
- 937
- 00:48:30,909 --> 00:48:32,229
- Oh, yeah, big time.
- 938
- 00:48:32,309 --> 00:48:34,866
- You know, and then my hair
- started falling out clumps,
- 939
- 00:48:34,946 --> 00:48:36,434
- which is never good.
- 940
- 00:48:36,514 --> 00:48:39,337
- I thought, well, fuck, that's
- gotta be because of the stress.
- 941
- 00:48:39,417 --> 00:48:42,874
- And so I thought, well,
- you gotta stop the stress.
- 942
- 00:48:42,954 --> 00:48:46,377
- But then the stress became about
- me trying to stop the stress,
- 943
- 00:48:46,457 --> 00:48:48,246
- which was stressful.
- 944
- 00:48:48,326 --> 00:48:51,182
- - Huh.
- - I didn't know what to do.
- 945
- 00:48:51,262 --> 00:48:53,418
- I was so lost, man.
- 946
- 00:48:53,498 --> 00:48:58,556
- Then I found out that Erik
- put Nair in my fucking shampoo,
- 947
- 00:48:58,636 --> 00:49:02,927
- and I was a little hurt,
- but honestly...
- 948
- 00:49:03,007 --> 00:49:04,863
- I was a little relieved.
- 949
- 00:49:04,943 --> 00:49:06,030
- Really?
- 950
- 00:49:06,110 --> 00:49:07,532
- Yeah.
- 951
- 00:49:07,612 --> 00:49:12,203
- Yeah, yeah, because my hair
- had a chance to start over.
- 952
- 00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:13,504
- It was a new day.
- 953
- 00:49:13,584 --> 00:49:15,540
- It was a new dawn for me
- and my buds up there.
- 954
- 00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:18,543
- You know, I 'm walking around
- bald as an eagle
- 955
- 00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:21,980
- with, like, no eyelashes,
- no eyebrows,
- 956
- 00:49:22,060 --> 00:49:26,384
- but I didn't have that stupid
- fucking haircut anymore.
- 957
- 00:49:26,464 --> 00:49:28,453
- I was free,
- and the amount of time it took
- 958
- 00:49:28,533 --> 00:49:30,021
- for my hair to grow back,
- 959
- 00:49:30,101 --> 00:49:32,590
- I spent that shopping around
- for a new barber,
- 960
- 00:49:32,670 --> 00:49:35,159
- and that's when I found Karen.
- 961
- 00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,162
- My rock.
- 962
- 00:49:38,242 --> 00:49:40,531
- So are you dating Karen now?
- 963
- 00:49:40,611 --> 00:49:42,901
- No. What?
- 964
- 00:49:42,981 --> 00:49:43,968
- What?
- 965
- 00:49:44,048 --> 00:49:45,570
- She cuts my hair.
- 966
- 00:49:45,650 --> 00:49:47,238
- What?
- 967
- 00:49:47,318 --> 00:49:49,085
- What?
- 968
- 00:49:51,221 --> 00:49:54,312
- Although,
- now that you mention it,
- 969
- 00:49:54,392 --> 00:49:56,347
- I never really thought of her
- that way before.
- 970
- 00:49:56,427 --> 00:50:00,285
- She's, uh, she's quite fetching.
- 971
- 00:50:00,365 --> 00:50:04,255
- No, fuck, shit. Uh...
- 972
- 00:50:04,335 --> 00:50:05,501
- He's ready.
- 973
- 00:50:06,603 --> 00:50:08,104
- All right.
- 974
- 00:50:11,274 --> 00:50:12,196
- Okay.
- 975
- 00:50:12,276 --> 00:50:13,531
- I mean it.
- 976
- 00:50:13,611 --> 00:50:15,199
- Yeah.
- 977
- 00:50:15,279 --> 00:50:17,502
- - All right.
- - Okay.
- 978
- 00:50:17,582 --> 00:50:19,715
- - I'll be in.
- - Okay.
- 979
- 00:50:56,454 --> 00:50:58,387
- Crystal left.
- 980
- 00:50:59,689 --> 00:51:01,157
- Oh.
- 981
- 00:51:03,093 --> 00:51:05,183
- You hurt her feelings,
- so she went home.
- 982
- 00:51:05,263 --> 00:51:06,517
- No, you didn't.
- 983
- 00:51:06,597 --> 00:51:08,586
- She was just on
- a stripper smoke break.
- 984
- 00:51:08,666 --> 00:51:10,666
- She had to get back on the pole.
- 985
- 00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:31,676
- You want me to untie him?
- 986
- 00:51:31,756 --> 00:51:32,776
- Not yet.
- 987
- 00:51:32,856 --> 00:51:36,280
- All right, should I do this
- fast or slow?
- 988
- 00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:37,682
- - Slow?
- - Fast.
- 989
- 00:51:37,762 --> 00:51:39,150
- Fast.
- 990
- 00:51:39,230 --> 00:51:40,651
- Oh, shit.
- 991
- 00:51:40,731 --> 00:51:42,865
- Sorry. That was really
- on there good.
- 992
- 00:51:49,506 --> 00:51:52,141
- Yeah, he was thirsty.
- 993
- 00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:58,180
- Let's begin.
- 994
- 00:52:00,817 --> 00:52:02,240
- What the fuck?
- 995
- 00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:03,508
- - Erik...
- - I watched a video on YouTube.
- 996
- 00:52:03,588 --> 00:52:04,809
- I know exactly how to do it now.
- 997
- 00:52:04,889 --> 00:52:06,711
- - You said you'd let me go.
- - We are.
- 998
- 00:52:06,791 --> 00:52:09,714
- As soon as I introduce you
- to mega-tron 26 here.
- 999
- 00:52:09,794 --> 00:52:11,082
- Whoa!
- 1000
- 00:52:11,162 --> 00:52:12,583
- - Jesus!
- - Oh, fuck.
- 1001
- 00:52:12,663 --> 00:52:14,185
- - It'll work.
- - It's gonna kill him.
- 1002
- 00:52:14,265 --> 00:52:15,720
- It's not gonna kill him.
- He's big.
- 1003
- 00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:18,056
- Erik, fucking put it down,
- all right?
- 1004
- 00:52:18,136 --> 00:52:19,757
- Joe, you gotta
- teach him a lesson.
- 1005
- 00:52:19,837 --> 00:52:23,061
- No, no, I'm taking him back,
- all right?
- 1006
- 00:52:23,141 --> 00:52:24,195
- This was a huge mistake.
- 1007
- 00:52:24,275 --> 00:52:25,196
- You're goddamn right it was.
- 1008
- 00:52:25,276 --> 00:52:26,264
- But nobody got hurt.
- 1009
- 00:52:26,344 --> 00:52:28,299
- - Yet.
- - Just shut the fuck up.
- 1010
- 00:52:28,379 --> 00:52:29,767
- These are teachers.
- 1011
- 00:52:29,847 --> 00:52:32,403
- And can you really
- blame my friends
- 1012
- 00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:36,585
- for trying to make me
- feel better?
- 1013
- 00:52:38,555 --> 00:52:40,678
- You must be Colin.
- 1014
- 00:52:40,758 --> 00:52:43,214
- Jess tell you I was the most
- handsome of the guys?
- 1015
- 00:52:43,294 --> 00:52:45,616
- No, but she gave pretty good
- descriptions of all of you.
- 1016
- 00:52:45,696 --> 00:52:47,618
- Not surprised at all that you
- would do something this stupid.
- 1017
- 00:52:47,698 --> 00:52:49,187
- Let me tell you something, guy.
- 1018
- 00:52:49,267 --> 00:52:52,390
- There are a lot more
- stupider things we can do.
- 1019
- 00:52:52,470 --> 00:52:54,358
- More stupid.
- You must be Nick.
- 1020
- 00:52:54,438 --> 00:52:55,560
- Ha!
- 1021
- 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,462
- What? Fuck you, man!
- 1022
- 00:52:57,542 --> 00:52:58,763
- Now I'm definitely gonna
- electrocute him.
- 1023
- 00:52:58,843 --> 00:53:00,531
- - Yeah, get him.
- - Okay, you know what? No.
- 1024
- 00:53:00,611 --> 00:53:02,233
- - I like being Nick.
- - Yes!
- 1025
- 00:53:02,313 --> 00:53:03,367
- No, you're not. Look.
- 1026
- 00:53:03,447 --> 00:53:05,603
- It doesn't matter who anyone is.
- 1027
- 00:53:05,683 --> 00:53:08,106
- - I'm taking him back to la.
- - That is a bad idea.
- 1028
- 00:53:08,186 --> 00:53:10,108
- This whole fucking thing
- was a bad idea, Erik.
- 1029
- 00:53:10,188 --> 00:53:11,809
- I haven't seen you guys
- in months,
- 1030
- 00:53:11,889 --> 00:53:14,145
- and I thought it'd be great
- to reconnect with you
- 1031
- 00:53:14,225 --> 00:53:16,581
- one last time before
- I got married, but now...
- 1032
- 00:53:16,661 --> 00:53:19,350
- Now I'm not getting married
- 1033
- 00:53:19,430 --> 00:53:24,822
- because my fiancée dumped me
- for this fucking guy.
- 1034
- 00:53:24,902 --> 00:53:27,859
- But instead of making me
- feel better,
- 1035
- 00:53:27,939 --> 00:53:28,860
- I'm hungover,
- 1036
- 00:53:28,940 --> 00:53:30,628
- I can't sit down
- 1037
- 00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:33,798
- because crystal-Susan
- broke a belt over my ass,
- 1038
- 00:53:33,878 --> 00:53:37,835
- and to top it all off,
- you kidnapped this fucking guy.
- 1039
- 00:53:37,915 --> 00:53:40,671
- - I have a name, dude.
- - Shut up!
- 1040
- 00:53:40,751 --> 00:53:43,741
- You know, when this thing's
- all over,
- 1041
- 00:53:43,821 --> 00:53:47,323
- I don't think I wanna
- see you guys for a while.
- 1042
- 00:53:48,925 --> 00:53:51,315
- I have to be honest, Joe.
- I think that's for the best.
- 1043
- 00:53:51,395 --> 00:53:52,962
- - Shut up.
- - Okay.
- 1044
- 00:54:13,984 --> 00:54:15,706
- What's that for?
- 1045
- 00:54:15,786 --> 00:54:17,608
- - Just take it.
- - No, no, no, no.
- 1046
- 00:54:17,688 --> 00:54:19,310
- Erik, I am not taking that.
- 1047
- 00:54:19,390 --> 00:54:20,845
- Uh-oh, he's running.
- 1048
- 00:54:20,925 --> 00:54:22,725
- Oh, shit.
- 1049
- 00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:25,494
- Go that way!
- 1050
- 00:54:44,681 --> 00:54:46,315
- Split up.
- 1051
- 00:55:16,379 --> 00:55:19,937
- - Why didn't you grab him?
- - Was I supposed to grab him?
- 1052
- 00:55:20,017 --> 00:55:22,985
- - I got him, Joe!
- - Get him, get him, get him!
- 1053
- 00:55:24,454 --> 00:55:26,377
- Come on.
- 1054
- 00:55:26,457 --> 00:55:28,023
- Stop! Stop, stop, stop!
- 1055
- 00:55:29,426 --> 00:55:30,915
- Agh! Fucking altitude.
- 1056
- 00:55:30,995 --> 00:55:32,416
- Ohh!
- 1057
- 00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:35,386
- Nick! Nick!
- 1058
- 00:55:35,466 --> 00:55:37,933
- Ah, fuck. Okay!
- 1059
- 00:55:39,102 --> 00:55:40,936
- Stop, stop, stop, stop!
- 1060
- 00:55:43,106 --> 00:55:44,495
- Okay, okay, all right.
- 1061
- 00:55:44,575 --> 00:55:45,563
- Hey.
- 1062
- 00:55:45,643 --> 00:55:47,298
- What the fuck, man?
- 1063
- 00:55:47,378 --> 00:55:49,011
- You run so fucking fast.
- 1064
- 00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:52,903
- Do you work out or something?
- 1065
- 00:55:52,983 --> 00:55:54,438
- I ran track in high school.
- 1066
- 00:55:54,518 --> 00:55:58,042
- - So did I, Fifteen years ago.
- - Why did you run, man?
- 1067
- 00:55:58,122 --> 00:56:01,279
- - I said we're gonna let you go.
- - So why are my hands tied?
- 1068
- 00:56:01,359 --> 00:56:03,447
- You still haven't said that
- you aren't going to the cops,
- 1069
- 00:56:03,527 --> 00:56:06,050
- and I thought maybe I could
- talk some sense into you.
- 1070
- 00:56:06,130 --> 00:56:08,486
- Oh, right,
- talk some sense into me.
- 1071
- 00:56:08,566 --> 00:56:11,555
- Well, you're the one
- who's still tied up,
- 1072
- 00:56:11,635 --> 00:56:13,324
- which means that you can't swim.
- 1073
- 00:56:13,404 --> 00:56:15,960
- - I bet he's a great swimmer.
- - Oh, fuck yeah.
- 1074
- 00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:17,728
- Come on, man.
- 1075
- 00:56:17,808 --> 00:56:19,430
- I'll untie your hands
- in the car.
- 1076
- 00:56:19,510 --> 00:56:21,110
- That's a good idea.
- 1077
- 00:56:22,645 --> 00:56:23,934
- Come on.
- 1078
- 00:56:24,014 --> 00:56:25,881
- Come on.
- 1079
- 00:56:35,492 --> 00:56:37,715
- Hey, guys, where'd he go?
- 1080
- 00:56:37,795 --> 00:56:39,061
- Nick, hang on!
- 1081
- 00:56:55,145 --> 00:56:57,001
- Oh, shit.
- 1082
- 00:56:57,081 --> 00:56:58,201
- You killed him.
- 1083
- 00:56:58,281 --> 00:57:00,416
- - Why'd you do that?
- - He's not dead.
- 1084
- 00:57:02,752 --> 00:57:04,608
- See? He's fine.
- 1085
- 00:57:04,688 --> 00:57:06,377
- His nose looks kinda broken.
- 1086
- 00:57:06,457 --> 00:57:08,446
- Yeah, it kinda does.
- 1087
- 00:57:08,526 --> 00:57:11,026
- Come on, let's get him
- in the car.
- 1088
- 00:57:17,867 --> 00:57:19,590
- He still hasn't
- learned anything.
- 1089
- 00:57:19,670 --> 00:57:21,425
- Stop making this worse.
- 1090
- 00:57:21,505 --> 00:57:22,993
- I'm trying to make it better.
- 1091
- 00:57:23,073 --> 00:57:25,529
- Erik, no, I'm not taking that.
- 1092
- 00:57:25,609 --> 00:57:27,031
- Do what you said.
- 1093
- 00:57:27,111 --> 00:57:29,600
- Make him dig his own grave
- and scare the shit out of him.
- 1094
- 00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:31,602
- No, I'm not doing that.
- 1095
- 00:57:31,682 --> 00:57:33,137
- No one is gonna wanna marry you
- 1096
- 00:57:33,217 --> 00:57:36,607
- if you can't stand up
- for yourself.
- 1097
- 00:57:36,687 --> 00:57:37,742
- Fuck you.
- 1098
- 00:57:37,822 --> 00:57:39,922
- Fuck you.
- 1099
- 00:57:43,693 --> 00:57:45,449
- Have a nice drive.
- 1100
- 00:57:45,529 --> 00:57:49,420
- If you hurry, you might
- still make it to Ikea.
- 1101
- 00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:53,035
- Hey, man, call us
- when you get back to la.
- 1102
- 00:57:56,005 --> 00:57:58,462
- Hey, I wanna tell you
- that I texted Karen.
- 1103
- 00:57:58,542 --> 00:58:01,732
- We're gonna meet up for dinner
- next week in la.
- 1104
- 00:58:01,812 --> 00:58:02,733
- Karen?
- 1105
- 00:58:02,813 --> 00:58:04,046
- Yeah, my barber.
- 1106
- 00:58:05,882 --> 00:58:08,506
- Give me the fucking keys.
- 1107
- 00:58:08,586 --> 00:58:09,852
- Okay.
- 1108
- 00:58:44,053 --> 00:58:45,509
- Ow.
- 1109
- 00:58:45,589 --> 00:58:48,679
- Jesus, my nose.
- 1110
- 00:58:48,759 --> 00:58:50,614
- Is my nose...
- My nose is broken.
- 1111
- 00:58:50,694 --> 00:58:52,082
- - It's fine.
- - No.
- 1112
- 00:58:52,162 --> 00:58:54,051
- This is fucking broken.
- Look at this!
- 1113
- 00:58:54,131 --> 00:58:55,719
- It was a little bit crooked
- before.
- 1114
- 00:58:55,799 --> 00:58:57,755
- - No, it wasn't.
- - Yeah, it was.
- 1115
- 00:58:57,835 --> 00:58:59,590
- I don't think so.
- 1116
- 00:58:59,670 --> 00:59:01,525
- Everyone's nose is a little bit
- crooked, all right?
- 1117
- 00:59:01,605 --> 00:59:04,606
- You didn't have
- a perfectly straight nose.
- 1118
- 00:59:08,177 --> 00:59:11,547
- Oh, my god,
- this is so uncomfortable.
- 1119
- 00:59:13,983 --> 00:59:16,018
- My arms are gonna fucking
- fall asleep.
- 1120
- 00:59:18,955 --> 00:59:21,545
- Okay, I can't feel my hands now.
- 1121
- 00:59:21,625 --> 00:59:22,880
- You don't need your hands
- 1122
- 00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:24,815
- to sit in the passenger side
- of a car.
- 1123
- 00:59:24,895 --> 00:59:26,884
- It's two hours back to la?
- 1124
- 00:59:26,964 --> 00:59:28,486
- Thereabouts.
- 1125
- 00:59:28,566 --> 00:59:30,521
- What the fuck
- are you worried about?
- 1126
- 00:59:30,601 --> 00:59:33,491
- Well, you bulldozed me
- into a lake.
- 1127
- 00:59:33,571 --> 00:59:36,705
- Come on, man. I'm not gonna
- jump out of a moving car.
- 1128
- 00:59:39,709 --> 00:59:41,043
- Damn it.
- 1129
- 00:59:51,754 --> 00:59:53,188
- Shit.
- 1130
- 01:00:10,373 --> 01:00:12,530
- Oh, my god,
- this is really uncomfortable.
- 1131
- 01:00:12,610 --> 01:00:14,532
- Just try to relax your arms.
- They won't fall asleep.
- 1132
- 01:00:14,612 --> 01:00:16,934
- See how I'm sitting?
- How am I supposed to relax?
- 1133
- 01:00:17,014 --> 01:00:18,947
- - Just...
- 1134
- 01:00:21,117 --> 01:00:24,086
- - Fuck.
- - Now you have to untie me.
- 1135
- 01:00:27,156 --> 01:00:28,612
- No way.
- 1136
- 01:00:28,692 --> 01:00:29,992
- What, you know him?
- 1137
- 01:00:32,829 --> 01:00:33,817
- Don't say anything.
- 1138
- 01:00:33,897 --> 01:00:36,654
- I'm not gonna have to.
- 1139
- 01:00:36,734 --> 01:00:39,557
- All right, lift your arms up.
- Hurry up. Get them up.
- 1140
- 01:00:39,637 --> 01:00:41,559
- I can't lift them any higher.
- My arms fell asleep.
- 1141
- 01:00:41,639 --> 01:00:43,060
- Oh, shit.
- You're doing it tighter.
- 1142
- 01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:44,695
- No, I...
- I was tightening it.
- 1143
- 01:00:44,775 --> 01:00:46,830
- He's coming, Joe.
- Now he's coming.
- 1144
- 01:00:46,910 --> 01:00:48,677
- Shh, shh. Okay.
- 1145
- 01:00:51,347 --> 01:00:53,749
- Don't say anything, please.
- 1146
- 01:00:57,654 --> 01:00:59,988
- Well.
- 1147
- 01:01:01,058 --> 01:01:02,324
- Cheech and Chong.
- 1148
- 01:01:04,961 --> 01:01:06,317
- Hi.
- 1149
- 01:01:06,397 --> 01:01:07,851
- Hi.
- 1150
- 01:01:07,931 --> 01:01:09,920
- Are you?
- 1151
- 01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:11,088
- What?
- 1152
- 01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:13,724
- Are you high, son?
- 1153
- 01:01:13,804 --> 01:01:14,925
- No.
- 1154
- 01:01:15,005 --> 01:01:17,127
- - What about you?
- - He's not.
- 1155
- 01:01:17,207 --> 01:01:20,075
- I was talking to him.
- 1156
- 01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:22,132
- No.
- 1157
- 01:01:22,212 --> 01:01:23,968
- Officer, I don't smoke.
- 1158
- 01:01:24,048 --> 01:01:25,202
- Of course you don't.
- 1159
- 01:01:25,282 --> 01:01:28,272
- You have any idea
- why I'm asking you that?
- 1160
- 01:01:28,352 --> 01:01:30,007
- Because you're cracking down
- 1161
- 01:01:30,087 --> 01:01:32,042
- on the abuse of
- medical marijuana in big bear?
- 1162
- 01:01:32,122 --> 01:01:33,644
- Are you patronizing me, son?
- 1163
- 01:01:33,724 --> 01:01:37,125
- No. No, I...
- You said that before.
- 1164
- 01:01:38,961 --> 01:01:40,696
- Is your nose broke?
- 1165
- 01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:46,890
- No, sir. It's always been
- a little bit crooked.
- 1166
- 01:01:46,970 --> 01:01:48,804
- Hmm.
- 1167
- 01:01:50,140 --> 01:01:52,062
- License and registration.
- 1168
- 01:01:52,142 --> 01:01:53,664
- Affirmative.
- 1169
- 01:01:53,744 --> 01:01:54,898
- What did you say to me?
- 1170
- 01:01:54,978 --> 01:01:57,334
- Yes. Yes.
- 1171
- 01:01:57,414 --> 01:01:59,303
- Registration's in the glove box.
- 1172
- 01:01:59,383 --> 01:02:01,083
- Uh-huh.
- 1173
- 01:02:04,787 --> 01:02:07,177
- You just got your nails done?
- 1174
- 01:02:07,257 --> 01:02:09,357
- I got it, I got it.
- 1175
- 01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:24,206
- What?
- 1176
- 01:02:25,374 --> 01:02:27,476
- License and registration.
- 1177
- 01:02:32,749 --> 01:02:35,806
- Where are you two young men
- headed today?
- 1178
- 01:02:35,886 --> 01:02:38,120
- - A hike.
- - To la.
- 1179
- 01:02:39,522 --> 01:02:42,824
- You both just told me
- two different things.
- 1180
- 01:02:45,294 --> 01:02:48,163
- Son, where are you headed?
- 1181
- 01:02:52,803 --> 01:02:54,958
- Step out of the vehicle.
- 1182
- 01:02:55,038 --> 01:02:57,761
- Officer, excuse me.
- 1183
- 01:02:57,841 --> 01:02:59,830
- We're going back to la.
- 1184
- 01:02:59,910 --> 01:03:03,100
- But we're just gonna stop off
- real quick and have a hike.
- 1185
- 01:03:03,180 --> 01:03:04,868
- You know, enjoy some nature
- 1186
- 01:03:04,948 --> 01:03:08,550
- before we have to head back
- to that smog-infested jungle.
- 1187
- 01:03:09,919 --> 01:03:12,810
- I never did care too much
- for Los Angeles myself.
- 1188
- 01:03:12,890 --> 01:03:14,211
- Oh, lord, me neither.
- 1189
- 01:03:14,291 --> 01:03:16,113
- But it sure is nice
- that there's a place
- 1190
- 01:03:16,193 --> 01:03:19,717
- as safe and quiet
- as big bear's so close.
- 1191
- 01:03:19,797 --> 01:03:23,120
- Up around the next bend,
- there's a real pretty hike.
- 1192
- 01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,022
- It's my husband's favorite.
- 1193
- 01:03:25,102 --> 01:03:29,259
- Just make sure you park in the
- designated parking areas only.
- 1194
- 01:03:29,339 --> 01:03:31,395
- Absolutely.
- Thank you, officer.
- 1195
- 01:03:31,475 --> 01:03:33,430
- Sure.
- 1196
- 01:03:33,510 --> 01:03:34,965
- Pants?
- 1197
- 01:03:35,045 --> 01:03:36,233
- Next time.
- 1198
- 01:03:36,313 --> 01:03:39,247
- Crack, crack.
- 1199
- 01:03:52,161 --> 01:03:53,495
- Did he say husband?
- 1200
- 01:04:02,338 --> 01:04:04,428
- Why did you say
- we were going for a hike?
- 1201
- 01:04:04,508 --> 01:04:05,429
- Because we are.
- 1202
- 01:04:05,509 --> 01:04:07,030
- - I'm not.
- - Yes, you are.
- 1203
- 01:04:07,110 --> 01:04:09,533
- Okay, I could have just
- told that cop
- 1204
- 01:04:09,613 --> 01:04:11,902
- about the gun that you're
- hiding underneath your leg.
- 1205
- 01:04:11,982 --> 01:04:14,204
- Yeah? Well, why didn't you?
- 1206
- 01:04:14,284 --> 01:04:16,173
- I don't know.
- 1207
- 01:04:16,253 --> 01:04:18,809
- Because you saved me
- from your friends,
- 1208
- 01:04:18,889 --> 01:04:21,478
- and you said you were gonna
- take back me to la.
- 1209
- 01:04:21,558 --> 01:04:25,961
- And maybe I feel a little bit
- sorry for you.
- 1210
- 01:04:32,401 --> 01:04:34,892
- You ruined my life,
- but not my bachelor party.
- 1211
- 01:04:34,972 --> 01:04:36,894
- I thought it wasn't
- your bachelor party anymore.
- 1212
- 01:04:36,974 --> 01:04:39,530
- Yeah, well, it is,
- whether I like it or not.
- 1213
- 01:04:39,610 --> 01:04:40,830
- Okay, Joe,
- 1214
- 01:04:40,910 --> 01:04:43,467
- but you're digging a very deep
- hole for yourself here.
- 1215
- 01:04:43,547 --> 01:04:45,068
- No.
- 1216
- 01:04:45,148 --> 01:04:47,449
- That's what you're gonna do.
- 1217
- 01:04:56,559 --> 01:04:59,060
- Ohh...
- 1218
- 01:05:09,105 --> 01:05:10,928
- No.
- 1219
- 01:05:11,008 --> 01:05:13,964
- No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
- What are you doing?
- 1220
- 01:05:14,044 --> 01:05:16,400
- I'm digging.
- 1221
- 01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:18,135
- No, you're whistling.
- 1222
- 01:05:18,215 --> 01:05:21,438
- Yeah. I do that
- when I'm bored.
- 1223
- 01:05:21,518 --> 01:05:23,841
- Aren't you thinking about
- what you did?
- 1224
- 01:05:23,921 --> 01:05:26,410
- No. I'm thinking about
- what a waste of time this is.
- 1225
- 01:05:26,490 --> 01:05:28,946
- - What?
- - You're not going to shoot me.
- 1226
- 01:05:29,026 --> 01:05:31,114
- If your friend Erik was here,
- I'd be a little fucking worried
- 1227
- 01:05:31,194 --> 01:05:32,850
- because that guy, he's psycho.
- 1228
- 01:05:32,930 --> 01:05:34,384
- You need to be thinking
- about what you did
- 1229
- 01:05:34,464 --> 01:05:35,853
- that got you to this place.
- 1230
- 01:05:35,933 --> 01:05:37,855
- I opened the door
- to your psycho friend.
- 1231
- 01:05:37,935 --> 01:05:40,257
- - Before that.
- - I didn't convince Jess
- 1232
- 01:05:40,337 --> 01:05:42,392
- to fall out of love with you,
- all right?
- 1233
- 01:05:42,472 --> 01:05:44,294
- That happened a long time before
- I ever came around.
- 1234
- 01:05:44,374 --> 01:05:46,196
- - Fuck you.
- - It's true!
- 1235
- 01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:48,265
- In reality,
- I played a very little part
- 1236
- 01:05:48,345 --> 01:05:49,933
- in the breakup of your marriage.
- 1237
- 01:05:50,013 --> 01:05:51,001
- - A little part?
- - Yeah.
- 1238
- 01:05:51,081 --> 01:05:52,202
- Are you talking about your dick?
- 1239
- 01:05:52,282 --> 01:05:54,338
- - No.
- - Is your dick the little part?
- 1240
- 01:05:54,418 --> 01:05:56,139
- Because in the reality
- that I live in,
- 1241
- 01:05:56,219 --> 01:05:58,609
- the number one thing
- Jess loves to freak out about
- 1242
- 01:05:58,689 --> 01:06:00,277
- is her allergy to latex.
- 1243
- 01:06:00,357 --> 01:06:03,146
- So we always had to use
- polyisoprene condoms,
- 1244
- 01:06:03,226 --> 01:06:04,648
- and they only come in wrappers
- 1245
- 01:06:04,728 --> 01:06:07,017
- like the one that fell out of
- your pocket back in the car.
- 1246
- 01:06:07,097 --> 01:06:10,487
- So I guess your little part,
- I'm talking about your dick,
- 1247
- 01:06:10,567 --> 01:06:13,991
- played a pretty big part
- in why she left me.
- 1248
- 01:06:14,071 --> 01:06:17,995
- Hey, it's your robe.
- Could've been your condom.
- 1249
- 01:06:18,075 --> 01:06:20,964
- Yeah. Well...
- 1250
- 01:06:21,044 --> 01:06:23,578
- I don't wear magnums.
- 1251
- 01:06:28,317 --> 01:06:30,073
- Has it ever occurred to you
- 1252
- 01:06:30,153 --> 01:06:34,177
- that that she might've left you
- not because of who I am,
- 1253
- 01:06:34,257 --> 01:06:37,125
- but because of who you aren't?
- 1254
- 01:06:41,163 --> 01:06:42,252
- Get out.
- 1255
- 01:06:42,332 --> 01:06:44,388
- - What?
- - Hand me the shovel.
- 1256
- 01:06:44,468 --> 01:06:46,056
- - I can keep digging.
- - That's deep enough.
- 1257
- 01:06:46,136 --> 01:06:47,457
- - No, it's not deep enough.
- - Yes, it is.
- 1258
- 01:06:47,537 --> 01:06:48,592
- It's not long enough.
- 1259
- 01:06:48,672 --> 01:06:49,927
- Hand me the fucking shovel!
- 1260
- 01:06:50,007 --> 01:06:51,039
- Okay.
- 1261
- 01:06:53,275 --> 01:06:54,998
- Get out.
- 1262
- 01:06:55,078 --> 01:06:56,600
- Joe, calm down.
- 1263
- 01:06:56,680 --> 01:06:58,268
- Turn around.
- 1264
- 01:06:58,348 --> 01:07:02,005
- - All right, why don't we just...
- - Shut the fuck up for once.
- 1265
- 01:07:02,085 --> 01:07:03,240
- - Okay.
- - Turn around.
- 1266
- 01:07:03,320 --> 01:07:05,620
- Okay.
- 1267
- 01:07:08,557 --> 01:07:11,159
- You don't need to do this, Joe.
- 1268
- 01:07:13,095 --> 01:07:17,432
- I'm so tired of everyone telling
- me what they think I need.
- 1269
- 01:07:19,703 --> 01:07:22,592
- All right. Okay.
- 1270
- 01:07:22,672 --> 01:07:26,374
- Maybe this is
- exactly what I need.
- 1271
- 01:07:28,110 --> 01:07:30,045
- Maybe I know.
- 1272
- 01:07:32,214 --> 01:07:34,382
- Maybe I know what I need.
- 1273
- 01:08:04,447 --> 01:08:06,748
- I love him.
- 1274
- 01:08:56,732 --> 01:08:57,732
- Oh, shit.
- 1275
- 01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:16,651
- Ooh!
- 1276
- 01:09:23,893 --> 01:09:25,560
- Oh, my...
- 1277
- 01:09:35,172 --> 01:09:36,237
- Oww!
- 1278
- 01:09:40,743 --> 01:09:43,600
- It's all your fault, you fuck!
- Why'd you do this to me?
- 1279
- 01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:46,103
- - It's my fault, okay?
- - I will fucking kill you!
- 1280
- 01:09:46,183 --> 01:09:48,238
- - Don't kill me, please!
- - Give me a fucking reason!
- 1281
- 01:09:48,318 --> 01:09:49,873
- Because, Joe, I have a kid!
- 1282
- 01:09:49,953 --> 01:09:52,509
- All right?
- I have a daughter.
- 1283
- 01:09:52,589 --> 01:09:54,277
- Her name is Meg,
- and she's amazing and beautiful.
- 1284
- 01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:56,713
- Please don't take me away
- from her, Joe, please.
- 1285
- 01:09:56,793 --> 01:10:01,184
- Please don't take me
- away from her, Joe. Please.
- 1286
- 01:10:01,264 --> 01:10:05,122
- Why is your wedding ring on
- if you're getting divorced?
- 1287
- 01:10:05,202 --> 01:10:07,669
- Why do you still have
- your wedding ring on?
- 1288
- 01:10:11,507 --> 01:10:14,331
- You haven't told her yet?
- 1289
- 01:10:14,411 --> 01:10:19,314
- I was gonna tell her today.
- 1290
- 01:10:20,750 --> 01:10:23,740
- We weren't careful, and...
- 1291
- 01:10:23,820 --> 01:10:27,177
- I thought it was the right thing
- to do, to get married.
- 1292
- 01:10:27,257 --> 01:10:28,545
- Was it also
- the right thing to do
- 1293
- 01:10:28,625 --> 01:10:30,147
- to cheat on your wife
- with my fiancée?
- 1294
- 01:10:30,227 --> 01:10:32,916
- Jess didn't cheat on you.
- Not like that.
- 1295
- 01:10:32,996 --> 01:10:35,719
- - Really?
- - Yeah.
- 1296
- 01:10:35,799 --> 01:10:38,488
- Yeah, last night was
- the first time that we ever...
- 1297
- 01:10:38,568 --> 01:10:39,890
- Polyisoprened.
- 1298
- 01:10:39,970 --> 01:10:41,591
- Great. You guys just started
- boning last night.
- 1299
- 01:10:41,671 --> 01:10:43,693
- That makes me feel
- so much better. Thank you.
- 1300
- 01:10:43,773 --> 01:10:45,829
- You know what, Joe?
- My life is not all rosy either.
- 1301
- 01:10:45,909 --> 01:10:47,864
- - Really?
- - No, it's not.
- 1302
- 01:10:47,944 --> 01:10:50,333
- I got married to a woman
- that I barely even know.
- 1303
- 01:10:50,413 --> 01:10:51,735
- We're not happy.
- 1304
- 01:10:51,815 --> 01:10:53,537
- Why marry someone
- you're not happy with?
- 1305
- 01:10:53,617 --> 01:10:57,352
- It didn't seem like the most
- important criteria at the time.
- 1306
- 01:11:02,558 --> 01:11:05,315
- Why did you wanna
- get married to Jess?
- 1307
- 01:11:05,395 --> 01:11:07,884
- - Because I love her.
- - Yeah?
- 1308
- 01:11:07,964 --> 01:11:09,586
- So what?
- 1309
- 01:11:09,666 --> 01:11:10,999
- What else?
- 1310
- 01:11:13,535 --> 01:11:15,370
- Because we...
- 1311
- 01:11:18,941 --> 01:11:22,332
- Because we...
- 1312
- 01:11:22,412 --> 01:11:24,201
- We were dating.
- 1313
- 01:11:24,281 --> 01:11:26,636
- We lived together and...
- 1314
- 01:11:26,716 --> 01:11:29,306
- Then you get married.
- 1315
- 01:11:29,386 --> 01:11:31,942
- So it was just a step?
- 1316
- 01:11:32,022 --> 01:11:33,977
- Things were good.
- 1317
- 01:11:34,057 --> 01:11:36,746
- We worked.
- Isn't that why you marry someone
- 1318
- 01:11:36,826 --> 01:11:38,782
- because you love them
- and you can live with them?
- 1319
- 01:11:38,862 --> 01:11:40,684
- No, I don't think so anymore.
- 1320
- 01:11:40,764 --> 01:11:42,752
- I think you marry someone
- because you love them,
- 1321
- 01:11:42,832 --> 01:11:45,288
- and you can't live without them.
- 1322
- 01:11:45,368 --> 01:11:48,992
- For the longest time, I was just
- dealing with my life, you know,
- 1323
- 01:11:49,072 --> 01:11:51,494
- because I took the step that I
- thought I was supposed to take.
- 1324
- 01:11:51,574 --> 01:11:53,597
- But that's not fair.
- 1325
- 01:11:53,677 --> 01:11:55,966
- It's not fair to my wife,
- 1326
- 01:11:56,046 --> 01:11:59,736
- it's not fair to my daughter,
- and it's not fair to me.
- 1327
- 01:11:59,816 --> 01:12:04,474
- Then I met Jess,
- and it was different.
- 1328
- 01:12:04,554 --> 01:12:06,643
- I was different,
- 1329
- 01:12:06,723 --> 01:12:09,779
- and I knew immediately
- that no matter what,
- 1330
- 01:12:09,859 --> 01:12:12,382
- no matter how fucking messy
- this thing got,
- 1331
- 01:12:12,462 --> 01:12:14,985
- no matter how painful,
- 1332
- 01:12:15,065 --> 01:12:17,887
- this was life...
- 1333
- 01:12:17,967 --> 01:12:22,459
- Giving me exactly what I needed:
- 1334
- 01:12:22,539 --> 01:12:24,906
- An opportunity to start over.
- 1335
- 01:12:28,477 --> 01:12:30,934
- Like Nair.
- 1336
- 01:12:31,014 --> 01:12:33,414
- What?
- 1337
- 01:12:38,620 --> 01:12:41,989
- I was relieved.
- 1338
- 01:12:44,461 --> 01:12:47,284
- When she broke off
- the engagement, I was angry
- 1339
- 01:12:47,364 --> 01:12:50,720
- and disappointed
- and pissed, but...
- 1340
- 01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:53,823
- The first thing I felt, and I...
- 1341
- 01:12:53,903 --> 01:12:58,395
- I didn't know why,
- 1342
- 01:12:58,475 --> 01:13:00,475
- I was relieved.
- 1343
- 01:13:10,854 --> 01:13:14,311
- I guess it was
- a pretty good sign
- 1344
- 01:13:14,391 --> 01:13:18,782
- that you weren't
- supposed be married.
- 1345
- 01:13:18,862 --> 01:13:22,797
- So in a way, I guess
- I sort of did you a favor.
- 1346
- 01:13:23,766 --> 01:13:25,422
- No, I'm kidding.
- 1347
- 01:13:25,502 --> 01:13:27,424
- Jesus, man.
- 1348
- 01:13:27,504 --> 01:13:29,859
- Fuck, are you for real?
- 1349
- 01:13:29,939 --> 01:13:32,329
- I mean, after all this?
- 1350
- 01:13:32,409 --> 01:13:35,565
- You were kidnapped,
- tied up in a basement,
- 1351
- 01:13:35,645 --> 01:13:36,833
- I put a fucking gun to your head
- 1352
- 01:13:36,913 --> 01:13:38,335
- and made you dig a hole
- in the ground,
- 1353
- 01:13:38,415 --> 01:13:40,737
- and you still can't say
- that you feel sorry
- 1354
- 01:13:40,817 --> 01:13:42,750
- for stealing my fiancée?
- 1355
- 01:13:45,788 --> 01:13:48,489
- Why do you care so much
- about how I feel?
- 1356
- 01:13:52,961 --> 01:13:55,129
- I don't know.
- 1357
- 01:13:57,132 --> 01:14:00,657
- I think I thought
- it would make it go away.
- 1358
- 01:14:00,737 --> 01:14:02,537
- Make what go away?
- 1359
- 01:14:04,139 --> 01:14:08,898
- It's like this bear
- comes out of the woods
- 1360
- 01:14:08,978 --> 01:14:14,504
- and just sits down on my chest,
- 1361
- 01:14:14,584 --> 01:14:16,373
- and I can't breathe.
- 1362
- 01:14:16,453 --> 01:14:19,008
- I feel like I'm gonna suffocate
- 1363
- 01:14:19,088 --> 01:14:24,792
- because this fucking bear
- is just sitting on top of me.
- 1364
- 01:14:27,196 --> 01:14:30,787
- Thought maybe if I got revenge,
- it would stop.
- 1365
- 01:14:30,867 --> 01:14:32,389
- So you thought if you killed me,
- 1366
- 01:14:32,469 --> 01:14:34,791
- your panic attacks
- would go away?
- 1367
- 01:14:34,871 --> 01:14:36,726
- - What?
- - You get tunnel vision?
- 1368
- 01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:38,395
- Yeah.
- 1369
- 01:14:38,475 --> 01:14:41,498
- Feel like your heart's beating
- out of your chest?
- 1370
- 01:14:41,578 --> 01:14:42,732
- Yeah.
- 1371
- 01:14:42,812 --> 01:14:46,436
- I had those
- right before I had my kid.
- 1372
- 01:14:46,516 --> 01:14:48,149
- I was so fucking scared.
- 1373
- 01:14:50,586 --> 01:14:52,142
- How did you get it to stop?
- 1374
- 01:14:52,222 --> 01:14:56,079
- - Well, I didn't kill anybody.
- - I wasn't gonna kill you.
- 1375
- 01:14:56,159 --> 01:15:00,850
- I just thought
- maybe if I scared you,
- 1376
- 01:15:00,930 --> 01:15:04,854
- you know, if I made you
- dig your own grave...
- 1377
- 01:15:04,934 --> 01:15:07,602
- Like in a mob movie?
- 1378
- 01:15:09,973 --> 01:15:11,594
- Yeah.
- 1379
- 01:15:11,674 --> 01:15:13,541
- That's ridiculous.
- 1380
- 01:15:20,115 --> 01:15:25,508
- You know, when I get back to la,
- I have nowhere to live.
- 1381
- 01:15:25,588 --> 01:15:27,677
- I am a...
- 1382
- 01:15:27,757 --> 01:15:32,549
- I am a homeless, underemployed,
- 1383
- 01:15:32,629 --> 01:15:34,751
- thirty-something
- single male
- 1384
- 01:15:34,831 --> 01:15:36,886
- who just got dumped
- by his fiancée
- 1385
- 01:15:36,966 --> 01:15:41,991
- because he was too afraid
- to do it himself.
- 1386
- 01:15:42,071 --> 01:15:44,060
- Well, hey,
- I'm getting a divorce.
- 1387
- 01:15:44,140 --> 01:15:46,563
- - You're gonna be a divorcé.
- - With a kid.
- 1388
- 01:15:46,643 --> 01:15:48,565
- Oh, shit.
- 1389
- 01:15:48,645 --> 01:15:50,066
- Oh, man.
- 1390
- 01:15:50,146 --> 01:15:52,235
- - That might be worse.
- - It's way worse.
- 1391
- 01:15:52,315 --> 01:15:54,604
- And you're never gonna
- get custody of the kid
- 1392
- 01:15:54,684 --> 01:15:55,939
- because you're leaving her,
- 1393
- 01:15:56,019 --> 01:15:58,007
- and you're only gonna
- get to see your kid
- 1394
- 01:15:58,087 --> 01:16:00,555
- twice a month, if that.
- 1395
- 01:16:02,224 --> 01:16:04,692
- Oh, shit.
- 1396
- 01:16:10,966 --> 01:16:13,156
- Jess farts in her sleep.
- 1397
- 01:16:13,236 --> 01:16:14,491
- Really?
- 1398
- 01:16:14,571 --> 01:16:15,859
- Sometimes.
- 1399
- 01:16:15,939 --> 01:16:18,027
- Just make sure
- you fall asleep first.
- 1400
- 01:16:18,107 --> 01:16:20,630
- Yeah.
- 1401
- 01:16:20,710 --> 01:16:22,910
- Yeah.
- 1402
- 01:16:32,187 --> 01:16:36,357
- Just leave it at Jess's.
- I need to get my clothes still.
- 1403
- 01:16:40,796 --> 01:16:42,063
- Thanks.
- 1404
- 01:16:48,270 --> 01:16:52,195
- Hey, Joe, I know you don't want
- anybody telling you
- 1405
- 01:16:52,275 --> 01:16:56,065
- what you need right now, but...
- 1406
- 01:16:56,145 --> 01:16:59,102
- I always found it was best
- just to face it head-on.
- 1407
- 01:16:59,182 --> 01:17:01,204
- What?
- 1408
- 01:17:01,284 --> 01:17:03,718
- The bear.
- 1409
- 01:18:23,766 --> 01:18:26,133
- Aaahhh!
- 1410
- 01:18:28,437 --> 01:18:30,771
- Aaahhh!
- 1411
- 01:18:33,241 --> 01:18:35,910
- Aaahhh!
- 1412
- 01:19:48,985 --> 01:19:51,485
- No, no!
- 1413
- 01:20:16,878 --> 01:20:19,736
- Ohh!
- 1414
- 01:20:19,816 --> 01:20:22,739
- Boom, boom, boom!
- 1415
- 01:20:22,819 --> 01:20:23,806
- Fuck yeah!
- 1416
- 01:20:23,886 --> 01:20:26,008
- Oh! Oh, that was awesome.
- 1417
- 01:20:26,088 --> 01:20:28,177
- Awesome, awesome.
- That was awesome.
- 1418
- 01:20:28,257 --> 01:20:30,491
- - You guys were great.
- - Fuck you!
- 1419
- 01:20:31,493 --> 01:20:32,882
- Yeah?
- 1420
- 01:20:32,962 --> 01:20:34,895
- Fuck you.
- 1421
- 01:20:37,499 --> 01:20:39,856
- Welcome back, amigo.
- 1422
- 01:20:39,936 --> 01:20:41,268
- Gracias.
- 1423
- 01:20:42,470 --> 01:20:43,826
- Ahh!
- 1424
- 01:20:43,906 --> 01:20:45,294
- I feel so much better.
- 1425
- 01:20:45,374 --> 01:20:46,996
- Oh, you guys
- probably want those off.
- 1426
- 01:20:47,076 --> 01:20:48,331
- Ow! Ohh!
- 1427
- 01:20:48,411 --> 01:20:51,300
- These clamps really hurt.
- What are you doing, Joe?
- 1428
- 01:20:51,380 --> 01:20:53,169
- I think the faster, the better.
- 1429
- 01:20:53,249 --> 01:20:54,504
- You wouldn't.
- 1430
- 01:20:54,584 --> 01:20:56,506
- - I need to.
- - No, you don't.
- 1431
- 01:20:56,586 --> 01:21:00,176
- - Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.
- - No, no, no, no!
- 1432
- 01:21:00,256 --> 01:21:01,555
- - Don't!
- 1433
- 01:21:23,979 --> 01:21:27,303
- I know. I know we all lose
- our way from time to time.
- 1434
- 01:21:27,383 --> 01:21:29,939
- I just thought I was
- stronger than that, you know?
- 1435
- 01:21:30,019 --> 01:21:32,275
- I'm embarrassed.
- 1436
- 01:21:32,355 --> 01:21:34,076
- No, you're right, you're right.
- 1437
- 01:21:34,156 --> 01:21:36,979
- Without weakness, we never
- know what true strength is.
- 1438
- 01:21:37,059 --> 01:21:39,081
- Sage words.
- 1439
- 01:21:39,161 --> 01:21:41,028
- What time is the meeting
- tomorrow night?
- 1440
- 01:21:43,298 --> 01:21:44,821
- No, I don't need a ride.
- 1441
- 01:21:44,901 --> 01:21:46,355
- That's cool. All right.
- Thanks, Mike.
- 1442
- 01:21:46,435 --> 01:21:48,191
- I'll see you there, definitely.
- 1443
- 01:21:48,271 --> 01:21:50,337
- All right. Later, bye.
- 1444
- 01:21:53,976 --> 01:21:55,542
- Sorry about that.
- 1445
- 01:21:56,478 --> 01:21:59,902
- Hey, where's my dad's gun?
- 1446
- 01:21:59,982 --> 01:22:02,104
- Oh, I buried it.
- 1447
- 01:22:02,184 --> 01:22:04,073
- Really?
- 1448
- 01:22:04,153 --> 01:22:05,441
- Yeah.
- 1449
- 01:22:05,521 --> 01:22:09,924
- Damn it, man!
- He's gonna be really pissed off.
- 1450
- 01:22:11,393 --> 01:22:13,216
- Well, I hate my dad.
- 1451
- 01:22:13,296 --> 01:22:15,985
- You need a place to crash
- for a while, Joe?
- 1452
- 01:22:16,065 --> 01:22:17,987
- Uh, no, I'm good. Thanks.
- 1453
- 01:22:18,067 --> 01:22:20,401
- Where are you gonna stay?
- 1454
- 01:22:23,939 --> 01:22:26,640
- I have no idea.
- 1455
- 01:26:05,426 --> 01:26:08,117
- <i>- Hey, dude!
- - What, what?</i>
- 1456
- 01:26:08,197 --> 01:26:11,320
- <i>Come over here.</i>
- 1457
- 01:26:11,400 --> 01:26:13,823
- <i>Give me a hug, man.</i>
- 1458
- 01:26:13,903 --> 01:26:17,359
- <i>See, what you were scared of
- this whole time</i>
- 1459
- 01:26:17,439 --> 01:26:20,440
- <i>is exactly what you've been
- fighting for, man.</i>
- 1460
- 01:26:42,263 --> 01:26:43,630
- <i>Hey!</i>
- 1461
- 01:26:46,734 --> 01:26:50,626
- <i>Did I tell you
- what to think, man?</i>
- 1462
- 01:26:50,706 --> 01:26:52,695
- <i>Well, good.</i>
- 1463
- 01:26:52,775 --> 01:26:56,565
- <i>But I hope you didn't listen.</i>
- 1464
- 01:26:56,645 --> 01:26:59,279
- <i>At least in hindsight.</i>
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