ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
hey all! here's another plurk from Beyond that I'm mostly doing bc even though I'm out of dwrp now, some people I care about (you, yes you, I trimmed my list before I made this) aren't and so I want to make you aware of some stuff

latest #67
ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
first up is big secret reveal (which probably isn't that much of a secret for anyone who knows me and my style tbh): I was the founding mod of meadowlark

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
I built the whole game from scratch, was looking at modding it solely on my own, but got an offer of assistance from alison, which I took because I figured i probably would need help

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
needless to say, alison and I didn't really gel as mods. I don't wanna place any malicious intent on her side regarding this but her attitude and behaviour towards me, the game, and everything, had eventual very bad consequences on my MH which contributed to me being signed off work (again) at the beginning of this year

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
I had realised in december that I was pretty much done with dwrp and probably shouldn't have started the game in the first place. I went to her when I came to this realisation, and her reaction to even the chance of me "taking the game from her" was pretty damn extreme

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
I hadn't actually wanted to close it anyway, i wasn't sure I'd be gone permanently, and even though I found her reaction really concerning in terms of emotional health, I just conceded to handing it over with a phase out period (dec-jan)

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
in jan-feb, with the door barely being closed behind me, she made major changes to certain things in the game which we'd discussed before but I'd wanted to wait for more of an idea of the game's shape before making

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
essentially making me feel very much like I'd just been a roadblock in her way

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
I won't say whether those things were good or bad. the game's still clocking on so maybe they're fine. but they weren't what I intended and I wasn't consulted about her doing them, even though the door was supposedly still open for me to come back once I'd had a break

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
over the next while she continued to do little things to change the game, remove my details on accounts, always without asking despite me having continued poor reactions to them

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
now: I fully know that having a game continue once a mod leaves requires the remaining mods to Make Choices. what I realised over time was upsetting about this was that it brought into perspective the fact she didn't, and never had, a basic level of respect for me as an individual

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
all of our interpersonal problems during our time as comods had been blamed on me; none of her actions after me leaving held any thought for how I felt about basically leaving something I'd put a metric ton of work into in her hands; she continued to change details or emails on accounts without even giving me a head's up beforehand

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
she did the last again today, which prompted me to finally end our friendship (if it can be called as such), and brought me here

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
I don't know if she's changed passwords or anything yet, I'm not going to check, bc I am actually out of dwrp so it isn't something I actively want to do anything about. but meadowlark is now entirely in her hands

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
whether she's consciously manipulative or genuinely believes her own bullshit, I don't know. but I want to be clear who she is, what she's done, and that she doesn't have my blessing in how she's running the game I made

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
while we were comods, I was signed off from work for a depressive period caused by being stuck in a "limbo" position at my job. I shouldn't have tried modding, but without anywhere else to direct my energies, that's what I did. she proceeded to micromanage me about how and when I did mod things, follow me on psn to see if I was gaming when she thought I

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
should be doing mod work

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
generally harried and stressed at me despite me deliberately building the game to be as relaxed as possible on the mod side without losing its structure entirely

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
at the beginning of this year I was signed off work again due to another episode of depression and more severely anxiety. I had lost my ability to cope with stress. I was having panic attacks over minor difficulties or environmental changes like basic train travel

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
looking back I can make a pretty clear connection between the two

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
I'm still trying to get better from that episode. I'm still trying to prove I'm reliable enough to keep my job.

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
during that time with her, the weight was always put on me. I wasn't communicating enough. I wasn't thinking of her or how she was being made to feel enough. I would explain my mindset, my intentions, my basic personality to her over and over

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
and even then, the day I decided to quit and spoke to her using playstation in order for it to be best communicated, she accused me of treating her like shit

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
I've been mad about this for a while. I've acted out - I deleted the mod bible gdoc that had pages of my notes on game plot and setting a couple of months back

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
but ultimately I have moved on. I'm not in dwrp anymore. I've now cut her off completely. if meadowlark continues, if players are happy in it, then that's fine

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
I'm not after justice or anything. dwrp very rarely delivers on that front in my experience

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
but, as I said at the start, I wanted you all to know about this, because you're still in dwrp, maybe even in meadowlark, and I want you to know who you're dealing with

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago @Edit 1 weeks ago
again, whether she's conscious of her behaviour or not, I really don't know at this point. I think she's extremely unhealthly invested in rp. when the idea of me "taking" meadowlark from her came up, when I first quit, she was in tears and literally

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
threatened to "fight me however she could"

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
I've been in that place so tbh I have some sympathy for it

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ1 weeks ago
but yeah. I'm very much Done, so this is it all out on screen

[snip!]

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ15 hours ago
I've just gotta come back here bc the game's been open less than a year and she's revealed a core plot thing via an npc vs npc tussle

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ15 hours ago
instead of having it be player discovered whenever that was natural to happen

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ15 hours ago
I'm literally flames on the sides of my face mad now

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ15 hours ago
NONE of this was what I built. I don't just mean story wise. I mean the ethos of the game's structure in how it should be impacted by players

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ15 hours ago
this is the opposite. this is old school stupid mod mistake #1, throwing your hand down too early and doing it through npcs rather than letting the players actually play the game

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ15 hours ago
she's also breaking some of the basic world building too but I guess that goes hand in hand

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ14 hours ago
it really just highlights to me that she never had the patience for what I had planned. she was pushing at me all the time to do things faster and now she's running the plot, that's rolling out way too fast too

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ14 hours ago
plus the general thing of her just being way too controlling, up front and behind the scenes

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ14 hours ago @Edit 14 hours ago
lmao lucifer was gonna be such an interesting character and I was so sure she'd never really touch him because he was buried under so much that players would need to dig through first, and she'd probably crash and burn the game before it got there

ＭＡＲＡ ＳＯＶ14 hours ago
surprise!!