Kurokage

I spent the prime years of my life enacting my own brand of justice. I believed I could avenge my family and that I could cast down an entire faction that wronged me. I believed one man could cast aside all of his allies and singlehandedly face the world. But I suppose no man is an island. In my constant struggle I found no closure and with every foe I deemed had to be vanquished I found no peace or respite.

Instead I felt a weight on my shoulders and a strain on my heart. It was as though my body was collapsing into my chest. At first it was a mere discomfort that I could easily bury by fooling myself into another belief: that all others like me felt as such. That the road I took in life was difficult and it was only natural to feel downtrodden. That it's always darkest before the dawn.

But that weight never left my shoulders and that strain only dragged me down further. In my own weakness I lashed out. It gave me a reputation and made me enemies on all sides. So I strayed from my path. I tried to find a new me. In that search I found those in need. In this battle between good and evil there were many that lost their families. I crossed paths with the orphans of this endless feud and took them as my pupils.

Five of them, in particular, changed my view of myself and the world. They were all talented and filled with potential. So much so I wondered if they would follow in my footsteps. I took them under my wing and trained them. They became more than just students, they were my new family. I began to think of my legacy and whether they could lead the life I should have had.

But most importantly they lifted that weight from my shoulders.

My heart no longer sank.

I could stand tall again.

Unfortunately time moves on and although that weight is gone and I still stand tall. I feel my chest start to ache. So I turn to those that have always brought me joy and lifted my spirits: my granddaughters.

I turn to my first pupil; Yumi. She carved her stern, rigid persona from my teachings. She was a fast learner, always willing to go out on a limb and endanger herself just to get that step ahead. That trait followed into all other hobbies and avenues of study. She's easily the most dedicated girl. It always impressed me when she would show me some new thing she'd learned and I always encouraged her to push herself.

Today however, I still feel that discomfort in my chest.

"Did I do something wrong, Master Kurokage?"

"No, no. You're the perfect student Yumi."

But perhaps she's following my footsteps too closely.

I turn to Murakumo, the oldest girl. Her personality is tied to her Hannya mask. Without it it's almost as though she's lost. She's gotten to the point she can at least turn it to the side and give me some glimpse of her face. She's very artistic and finds joy in writing and drawing. Now she's showing me her latest work: A comic about an elderly ninja who cuts down evil-doers and the Chihuahualiens that are secretly funding them. She tells me it's a high-concept story that perhaps only true fans can enjoy but she hopes I enjoy it anyway.

"You've improved."

I can see her positively beaming at my praise.

"Thank you, master!"

My chest still stings.

I turn to Yozakura. Perhaps her talented cooking can warm my heart. I've never seen someone so happy to feed people in my life. I suppose it comes from her family life, she's always doted on us. She provides me a veritable feast. I've never seen so much on a plate or bowls stacked so high. I'm not sure I can eat it all. All it takes is one taste and I've already found the motivation to clean my plates. I may have even licked one clean, I can't really remember.

"Thank you Yozakura, another meal fit for a king."

"No, thank you master."

Usually I'd feel revitalized and fulfilled by her cooking. That unique homemade feel to her food always warmed me up.

But that hole in my chest still lingers.

Feeling the need to work off that meal with some excercise. I turn to Minori, the most energetic and excitable of the group. At this moment she's playing with childrens toys. She has princess and a cow stacked on top of a toy car and is launching it over a jump to crash into a dinosaur.

"VROOM-VROOM! We've gotta save the world from the doomasaurus! SCREEECH! KAPOW!" The car strikes the plastic dinosaur down hollywood style.

"Minori, are you playing alone?"

She pouts "Yeah, no one else is interested. Except that meanie Yozakura! She keeps trying to put my toys away!"

I laugh at her enthusiasm and ask if I could play with her. We do everything from tag to hide-and-seek. Even her talents have grown, she's incredibly fast and if it wasn't for her own impatiences she'd be impeccable at camoflaguing herself. I pet her on the head and thank her for the time together.

My chest still bothers me. That crushing weight and sense of emptiness remains.

I find Shiki engrossed in a small stack of books. She lies on her stomach kicking her legs as she flicks through the pages. It's actually a little funny, a bookworm that most people judge by her cover. She notices my unease:

"Are you feeling okay gramps? You look down."

I give a reassuring smile "Nothing that you kids need to be worried about."

She doesn't seem convinced.

"Perhaps there is someting you could do for me."

At a young age I taught Shiki the heart sutra. I would recite it when I was full of anger or doubt and it would bring me peace. It's something I passed onto her, hoping it would also soothe the resentment she must feel for her parents death. She latched onto it and has carried each word with her ever since. She has become far more amicable with her sisters since she started reciting it.

I have her say it once more. Those words always calmed me and I felt joy seeing her carry on that part of me. Yet now even as she speaks those words perfectly and I feel a sense of accomplishment in watching her grow I can not find peace.

It used to bring me joy teaching these girls, raising them and watching them follow the path of the shinobi. I'm not the same man I used to be and I've returned to happiness I used to feel when I was young.

I thought by raising them I would put an end to this but if they still make me happy how do I explain this weight on my chest?