I'M DVD, I'M DY-NA-MITE

[11:35:03 PM EDT] Nitro: Vergil often caught himself forgetting that he was living in a manor that seemed bigger -- infinitely large with endless halls that, to him, were perplexing. Sure, he found his way around well enough -- he never seemed to get /lost/, even if he didn't always know where he was going -- but to understand the subtle flow and give of time and space with one another, the progression and fabric of existence, was hard enough in a world that worked in a way that his mind told him was /correct/. And here...

Well, not much was "correct", here.

It was exhausting to think about, and he found himself with more and more "time", whatever time indeed meant here, to do so. To think of and brood on the implications of the situation. There were no clocks in the room, and maybe that made it worse, the ebb of time no longer an object while he reflected on all of it. It made the room feel somber, the air around him lead-heavy and tiring. But at times like these, propped on the bed beside his blacked out brother, reflecting on the meaning of existence seemed like the only appropriate thing to do.

And times like these, he wished Dante would wake up and tell him, even if in his slow, subdued manner now, that he was thinking too hard. That he did it too much and he just needed to /relax/. Too damn serious, Verge. You gotta lighten up. What's your major malfunction?

But naturally, against any hope, he didn't. To be expected, he supposed.
[11:35:12 PM EDT] Nitro: [I'm so sorry I am apparently in a writing mood haha]
[11:36:36 PM EDT] ZZ: (Is okay~)
[11:36:38 PM EDT] IBLiS: (vergil your prose needs work)
[11:36:58 PM EDT] Nitro: [I actually felt like writing more because that felt abrupt but I don't want to]
[11:37:05 PM EDT] Nitro: [throw 2000 words at you guys or something]
[11:37:05 PM EDT] IBLiS: (try writing in a century that's /not/ two centuries too early)
[11:37:13 PM EDT] IBLiS: (omfg what)
[11:37:17 PM EDT] IBLiS: (but i love it when you write more)
[11:37:25 PM EDT] ZZ: (:B Agreed.)
[11:38:09 PM EDT] Nitro: [Does this mean I sHOULD WRITE MORE --]
[11:38:18 PM EDT] ZZ: (YES)
[11:38:20 PM EDT] Nitro: [I could really go on for hours right now I'm pretty sure tho]
[11:38:34 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF Should I just respond?)
[11:38:41 PM EDT] Nitro: [Ffff, up to you. unu]
[11:38:49 PM EDT] ZZ: (I'm fine either way. :P)
[11:39:50 PM EDT] Nitro: [As am I. Thus, the eternal conundrum arises: Which of two indecisive roleplayers should write?]
[11:39:51 PM EDT] Nitro: [8y]
[11:40:03 PM EDT] ZZ: (FINE I WILL SACRIFICE MYSELF)
[11:45:13 PM EDT] ZZ: Dave was up to something. That wasn't new though, he usually was working on one thing or another these days. This time however, the something was far more important than the usual raps and what not. Pulling the pizza from the oven Dave carefully plated the whole thing on a serving tray and set it to cool. Cleaning up his mess in the kitchen he let the smell of fresh food waft around aimlessly before he decided it had cooled enough.
Grabbing up the pizza, along with a bottle of apple juice and some cups, he made the perfect waitor while walking off to Dante's room. The pizza tray was held with a master hand, something he had obviously taken years to perfect. After all, when you've got the rest of your after life to live, why not spend it training to become a waitor? That's obviously the best thing to do after all.
So it was Dave walked, pizza and juice in hand to Dante's door. Without a single warning he managed to turn the knob before kicking it open. Who needed to knock these days? Certainly not Dave, that was a ridiculous notion. Striding on in he ignored the surroundings and bee-lined straight for the bed, forcing the pizza into vergil's hands before plopping down on the other side of Dante with the apple juice. "sup"
Thursday, January 17, 2013
[12:12:35 AM EDT] Nitro: His thoughts were the usual suspects: what would they do, what would become of them, would this really go on for "forever" (if that word even meant anything, now)? Dante had no time limit to recover, no lifetime to live out in misery -- but maybe he wouldn't recover at all. Was existing like this worth it? Was the fact that it was all they had really enough?

He was in the middle of a half-formed (quiet if afraid, and resigned if angry) thought about the idea that maybe one day if this was the norm he could be -- when the doorknob rattled and the wooden slab, elegantly designed and solid, slammed open, and he was on his feet with a growl and the smell of sulfur just in time for a still-warm tray to be shoved into his hands.

It was probably the main thing that kept Dave from being slammed into the wall viciously -- an unexpected interruption of his intent. The smell of pizza and the familiar scent that was identified as "Strider" in his mind were what kept him from flinging it aside in a fit of unprompted protective anger, because -- oh, it was just Strider.

Vergil's response was delayed -- probably only a few seconds, but too long for him. He slumped, deflated, back onto the bed, staring at Dave with a frown that may or may not have been disapproving. Or disturbed. Hard to tell, with him.

"...It's impo-impolite t-to enter without kn-knocking or any manner of fo-forewarning," he ground out, pointedly, and set the pizza aside on the bed. He tried hard to ignore the unusually prevalent churning in his gut, the disturbed, shuddering urge to retch. The pizza was far from his mind. "You sho-shouldn't...enter someone's room like that. You might st-/startle/ them." Really, Strider was fortunate not to have been ruthlessly decapitated.
[12:18:28 AM EDT] ZZ: "ehhhh nah see if i knocked you wouldnt have let me in so i had to kick in the door now try some pizza" Dave spoke without a beat of hesitation, sitting up against the headboard as he opened up the apple juice. The door had been left open, but he didn't really care, at this point he had given the whole situation to fuck and was just going to do what he wanted, at least for a little while. "oh wait... yeah nevermind okay make dante eat the pizza at least someone should eat the pizza i mean i get your not eating but hes still eating right? and pizzas like his favorite so it should be chill"
[1:21:00 AM EDT] Nitro: Vergil's pointed stare became a glare as Dave crawled to sit on the other side of Dante (the only place there was room to do so). It took a lot of effort not to crawl over his incapacitated sibling and shove him away, place himself protectively between them. He raised an arm and slowly placed it over Dante's torso all the same, resting it between them with the air of a viper ready to strike. As precise and deadly as one, too.

He wanted to /snap/ at Dave, tell him that it wasn't his business, it wasn't his /place/ to ask those kinds of questions, to be here invading this safehouse, this hidey hole as Dante might like to call it (in a snide manner, he acknowledged) -- this place was sacred and undisturbed and /safe/. It was untouched and untainted, with even the (constant, putrid, emnating) scent of vomit in the bathroom locked safely away.

With the exception of Vergil himself.

And how dare anyone uproot what little facade of peace and quiet they had managed to make for themselves -- /how/ /dare/ anyone invade this mockup of a well-deserved paradise. It didn't belong, it shouldn't be there, it was a taint -- and that was unacceptable.

But his growing, quiet anger was stifled -- that anger did not belong, either. That anger was as tainting and foreign and /wrong/ as was this /intruder/, and removing the offending object would be careful work.

It occurred to him, briefly, that this was Strider -- Dave, who cared and meant well and /didn/'/t/ /belong/.

And brought pizza. He stopped short of enacting his precise, measured plan to extricate the foreign objects. Dante liked pizza.

Logic and control put down his mounting anger. It would be fine. It /had/ to be fine. (It was like Carley said -- if he didn't believe it, how could Dante?)

"...Why wo-/wouldn/'/t/ he be?" he inquired rhetorically, voice dangerously low, hard and sharp at the edges. As smooth and cutting as Yamato's edge. "There's nothing..." Nothing wrong. The words felt like bile on his tongue. A bitter lie that wouldn't leave his mouth in this room. It was easy to tell everyone else, smooth and simple and /guiltless/ -- to insist to Dave and anyone else who might inquire that he was okay, everything was /fine/. Even when they knew as well as he did that he was bullshitting plain and simple, he could still smooth away the awful despair and horror and tell them with the confidence that could make a lie that everything was /fine/.

Not in front of Dante. It struck him that he'd never reassured his brother -- never said that everything was okay. Not even that it /would/ be okay.

He looked off to the side, toward the ground, swallowed the bile in his throat and started, just as low but soft, "Nothing's --"
[1:21:27 AM EDT] Nitro: [Whoops sorry I was]
[1:21:29 AM EDT] Nitro: [Long-winded]
[1:23:58 AM EDT] ZZ: (It's beautiful.)
[1:24:07 AM EDT] Nitro: [o,w o]
[1:24:13 AM EDT] Nitro: [I think CG's planning on replying.]
[1:25:38 AM EDT] Nitro: [i.e., jumping in here, when she's back on.]
[1:30:14 AM EDT] ZZ: This message has been removed.
[1:38:44 AM EDT] IBLiS: [i]
[1:38:46 AM EDT] IBLiS: [oh]
[1:38:50 AM EDT] IBLiS: [....oh]
[1:38:57 AM EDT] IBLiS: (i guess i)
[1:39:02 AM EDT] IBLiS: (went too slow huh)
[1:39:07 AM EDT] IBLiS: (my computer fucked up though so)
[1:39:09 AM EDT] IBLiS: (whatever)
[1:39:14 AM EDT] Nitro: [ono Yeah, it looked like it was messed up.]
[1:39:21 AM EDT] ZZ: (Yeah. D: )
[1:39:35 AM EDT] IBLiS: (whatever)
[1:39:39 AM EDT] IBLiS: (i'll just)
[1:39:41 AM EDT] IBLiS: (slink back into the shadows)
[1:39:56 AM EDT] ZZ: (FFF You sure?)
[1:41:47 AM EDT] IBLiS: (no i mean)
[1:42:00 AM EDT] IBLiS: (we worked really hard to set that post up and everything but now, thematically, it's sort of)
[1:42:00 AM EDT] IBLiS: (lost)
[1:42:19 AM EDT] ZZ: (OH GEEZE I CAN DELETE MY POST)
[1:42:58 AM EDT] Nitro: [That would be nice, if CG could jump in here? I'd keep it in a notepad or something though, because it might be able to be adapted later.]
[1:43:08 AM EDT] ZZ: (Yes. :B)
[1:43:08 AM EDT] IBLiS: (yeah dude)
[1:43:09 AM EDT] IBLiS: (i mean)
[1:43:19 AM EDT] IBLiS: (you worked hard on that and i don't want to amount to nothing)
[1:43:26 AM EDT] ZZ: (Message removed.)
[1:43:28 AM EDT] ZZ: (GO AHEAD)
[1:43:32 AM EDT] IBLiS: (okay i)
[1:43:34 AM EDT] ZZ: (SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT)
[1:43:35 AM EDT] IBLiS: (here goes nothing)
[1:43:40 AM EDT] Nitro: [You got this, gurl.]
[1:44:17 AM EDT] IBLiS: ".../m/'/still/ /here/."
[2:09:11 AM EDT] * IBLiS The lump between them, usually so lifeless and still, had suddenly shifted in their wake. It was quieter and lower than even a mutter, almost more like a ghostly shiver than a noise, but the begrudging /bitterness/ of it all seeped out just the same. Piles and swirls of blankets and sheets twisted as it rolled over-- still too incapcitated, too /weary/, to lift itself up. But it could roll. And it could glare. It could always give the most withering of glares, piercing through even the deepest of mist that clouded and cluttered in its eyes. It even managed a frown, amazingly, something Vergil probably hadn't seen in a long, long time. Only long, befuddled stares and something vaguely reminiscient of a smile. But not now. /Not/ /now/. Fuck all of that nonsense.

Because he was not an /it/. Goddamnit, he was not a fucking /it/. He was not just some /lump/ on a log or some lifeless /doll/ that they could shoot the breeze over. Talking about him like he was too stupid, too crazy, or maybe just too /fuzzy/ between the ears to ever catch wise. They could say whatever they wanted, right? It's not like he was really /listening/, right? Who gives a damn about /his/ feelings, he's just a /mannequin/ now!

That was the kind of horseshit he'd come to expect out of everyone. The moment you turned your backs, they wouldn't hesitate to eat you up like a frenzy of sharks. They didn't care. They never cared. Only pretended to.

...But he'd never expected it out of his brother. Not his brother, his stupid /doofus/ of a brother, who'd always had his back through thick and thin. Who had the balls to come waltzing in on whatever little school of fish he'd managed to scrounge up this time, take his hand, and gently guide him away whenever Dante needed him to. Whenever life was making /too/ much sense, when it all became just too freakin' /heavy/ for him to take anymore.

No, not Verge. /Never/ Verge. Not in a million years.

Well... Those millions upon millions of years had finally run out, today, of all days.

"y'think..."  He quietly whispered, trying his best to push down all the trembling and shuddering and /choking/ he so desperately wanted to do, barely keeping his voice just above a quiver. "...y'can jus' talk 'bout me 'cuz y'don't think i'm not /here/?"
[2:09:22 AM EDT] IBLiS: (oh my god)
[2:09:23 AM EDT] IBLiS: (i)
[2:09:27 AM EDT] IBLiS: (did not mean to write that much)
[2:09:34 AM EDT] Nitro: [I know that feel. 8y]
[2:10:23 AM EDT] IBLiS: (too much?)
[2:12:16 AM EDT] Nitro: [N o]
[2:12:39 AM EDT] Nitro: [There is no such thing as too much w/ you,,]
[2:12:53 AM EDT] IBLiS: (r u)
[2:12:58 AM EDT] IBLiS: (satisfied,,,)
[2:13:07 AM EDT] Nitro: [Always ;y]
[2:22:22 AM EDT] ZZ: (Sorry, am here. OTL)
[2:27:20 AM EDT] ZZ: (Who's turn? :?)
[2:28:12 AM EDT] Nitro: [Iiii don't know, hah -- I was writing something in preparation but I'm cool with whatever.]
[2:28:29 AM EDT] Nitro: [Depending on if you think Dave would respond first or not?]
[2:28:54 AM EDT] ZZ: (He might?)
[2:29:24 AM EDT] ZZ: (Finish your response and go? And then I'll reply.)
[2:40:33 AM EDT] Nitro: The shudder in the air should've slipped by unnoticed, the faint brush of air against air -- but the words died on his tongue all the same, as if it had been a scream.

He didn't breathe for a second. The too-still body tucked and bundled carefully beneath blankets shifted, shuffled, writhed under his arm, twisting until Vergil could see the bitter, cold twist in his expression, weak as though he was too tired to sneer. It ripped out his heart all the same.

He didn't mean to -- he didn't --

"Da-Dante," he stuttered out. Stuttered. He never stuttered, not at Dante -- not normally. It was unsteady, uncertain, and he didn't know what to put after it, mouth hanging open like the words would fall out and into place.

He was glad -- was happy to see -- he just meant to...

Excuses and dodging from a traitor. The unpolluted world was falling apart all too rapidly now -- rotted from the inside by his very presence. He closed his mouth and looked away, an apology hanging, worthless and unspoken, at the back of his mind.
[2:40:49 AM EDT] Nitro: [Shorter and not /much/ in it whoops I'm sorry]
[2:47:48 AM EDT] ZZ: Dave seemed to bypass any and all awkwardness and betrayel as he spoke. "hey dante looking good man digging the whole catipillar thing you got going on with those blankets anyway i brought a pizza and a movie thought we could chill and shit since i haven you know seen you in forever"
The offer was made out of pure desire to hang out, he really did miss seeing his friends after all. Especially when there wasn't much alternative that didn't involve horror terrors...
"oh yeah also brought some apple juice cus that stuff is the shit" he added with a nod, reminding himself of the juice and cups before pouring himself a glass. "anyway dont think vergils too happy about you know the intrusion but like he can beat me up for it later its all good i mean i know how to take an ass whooping if any learned that from my bro he would kick my ass so hard whenever we went up to spar and shit" The babble continued as he capped the juice and set it aside. Finally there was a break as he took a long sip, allowing the silence to settle in as he did so. He knew he was being pushy, extremely pushy, but he didn't want to lay down the straw to break the camel's back.
[3:27:45 AM EDT] * IBLiS ...Was that all he could say? /Dante/? Like that solved anything? Like it was some kind of magic word that would suddenly everything hunky dory? Oh hey Dante, so sorry, totally forgot you existed there. But it's okay, it'll all be okay. It'll never happen again, I promise.

No, not Vergil. Not his own /brother/. Not the person who was supposed to defend his stupid comatose ass when his mind decided to suddenly check out for the moment. If he couldn't trust his brother, who else could he trust? Who else was he supposed to rely on? /Who/ /else/ /was/ /left/?

The answer slowly dawned on him like a kraken, slipping its awful tentacles around his neck and wringing, /wringing/ every last drop of him out. Without him, without /him/...

But before that answer could come, washing him away until there was nothing left at all, that-- that /moron/ decided to open his trap. The one that started this whole mess. The one who shouldn't have /been/ here. Their parents-- god-- their /parents/ were going to blow a fuckin' /gasket/ over this one.

His eyes still swiveled their way to the blonde, dull and bleary. All their words drifted in one ear and out the other, white noise and little else, as he tried out to figure who the /fuck/ this guy was. Blonde hair, big doofy glasses, a smell that would put most hair gel fanatics to shame...

He, he... no, no, he couldn't. That wasn't right. That just-- that just couldn't /be/

He wearily focused in on this-- this stupid /brat/, pupils wide and unfocused, like a terrified animal put pelted by tranqs. He couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't /breathe/ in this awful fog... But something wasn't right. Something wasn't right at all.

...No, no. Everything was fine. Just fine. He was just being-- just being paranoid, that's all. Nothing was wrong. Nothing.

Ignoring the awful, crushing feeling creeping up in his gut, he narrowed his eyes and wet his tongue. Had to say something. /Needed/ to say something. Couldn't just sit here like a dumb deer stuck in the headlights. Had to-- had to-- /had/ /to/.

"who..."
[3:27:49 AM EDT] IBLiS: "...are /you/."
[3:37:11 AM EDT] Nitro: [Belatedly finishes reading]
[3:37:23 AM EDT] Nitro: [Zee if you're still up it might be easier for you to go first here? o:]
[3:37:28 AM EDT] IBLiS: (did i do good 8y)
[3:37:33 AM EDT] Nitro: [You /did/]
Friday, January 18, 2013
[5:53:30 PM EDT] IBLiS: [oh]
[5:53:35 PM EDT] IBLiS: [nitro's gotta feed the horse for a bit]
[5:53:40 PM EDT] ZZ: (Okay, I will be here.)
[5:53:41 PM EDT] IBLiS: [but she says it's okay if you write up a response now uvu]
[5:53:49 PM EDT] ZZ: (Okay.)
[5:53:58 PM EDT] IBLiS: [ and i will be]
[5:54:01 PM EDT] IBLiS: [weed princess]
[5:54:11 PM EDT] ZZ: (Yes good.)
[6:01:04 PM EDT] ZZ: Dave sat there, the blunderless facade of stone cold chillness still plastered on his mugh. Staring at Dante through his shades, his mind reeled, while the rest of him remained very still indeed. He didn't even breath. Finally the need for oxygen caught up with him and a deep inhale was taken via nasal passage before the knot in his stomach dropped down in his gut. Damnit... What the fuck happened? What the flying motherfuck had gone so fucking wrong that Dante didn't even know who he was? Pushing rage aside, the desire for extended revenge was growing, Dave kept calm and spoke. "man im the pizza guy i brought the pizza but you know other people call me dave strider so you know thats another option"
It was so difficult to hold it back. All the emotion he was whirling through, but lose his mask? No way bro, uncool. Dave Strider was NOT uncool. No fucking way. He already let himself mope around too long over everything else, he wasn't going to do the same for this. Dante was his friend, his friend who was still fucking around, not missing, not removed from existance itself, his friend who was there. His friend who he could actually help, and fuck all if he didn't do SOMETHING to help.
[6:01:06 PM EDT] ZZ: (Shooort.)
[6:01:56 PM EDT] IBLiS: (omfg)
[6:01:57 PM EDT] IBLiS: (dave)
[6:01:59 PM EDT] IBLiS: (dave,,,)
[6:02:17 PM EDT] IBLiS: (dAVE,,,)
[6:02:25 PM EDT] ZZ: (WHAT?)
[6:02:31 PM EDT] IBLiS: (let me hUG YOU)
[6:02:36 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF)
[6:10:33 PM EDT] Nitro: [yes hello]
[6:10:49 PM EDT] ZZ: (NITRO I WROTE FEELS)
[6:10:51 PM EDT] ZZ: (ENJOY)
[6:10:57 PM EDT] Nitro: [I sEE THEM]
[6:11:04 PM EDT] Nitro: [Your feels are SUPER EFFECTIVE]
[6:11:16 PM EDT] ZZ: (YESSSS)
[6:11:24 PM EDT] Nitro: [Blunderless is a gr8 word by the way]
[6:11:27 PM EDT] Nitro: [Really really excellent]
[6:11:30 PM EDT] ZZ: (;D)
[6:12:48 PM EDT] Nitro: [I cannot go on guys]
[6:13:09 PM EDT] IBLiS: [vergil suddenly drops dead]
[6:13:13 PM EDT] IBLiS: [this is just]
[6:13:13 PM EDT] Nitro: [Nitro's dea--]
[6:13:16 PM EDT] Nitro: [screw you omfg]
[6:13:17 PM EDT] IBLiS: [tOO MUCH FOR HIM]
[6:13:33 PM EDT] IBLiS: [*drops double dead]
[6:13:47 PM EDT] Nitro: [Nitro struggles to type out]
[6:13:51 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF)
[6:13:53 PM EDT] Nitro: ["Vergil drops dead"]
[6:13:57 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFFFFFFF)
[6:13:58 PM EDT] Nitro: [and then proceeds to drop dead]
[6:14:03 PM EDT] ZZ: (DAVE MIGHT ACTUALLY CRY, THANKS.)
[6:14:06 PM EDT] IBLiS: [also i just realized i mentioned pupils when they're ghosts]
[6:14:08 PM EDT] IBLiS: [ghost pupils]
[6:14:12 PM EDT] IBLiS: [oh oOPS]
[6:14:18 PM EDT] Nitro: [He believes he has pupils]
[6:14:24 PM EDT] IBLiS: [ergo]
[6:14:28 PM EDT] IBLiS: [he /must/ have pupils]
[6:14:42 PM EDT] IBLiS: [[he doesn't really have pupils]]
[6:14:45 PM EDT] IBLiS: [[sorry dante]]
[6:14:51 PM EDT] IBLiS: [[u ded]]
[6:16:43 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFFF)
[8:06:11 PM EDT] * Nitro Vergil could all but /feel/ Dante's mounting anger -- /hurt/. He turned away, took a sharp breath. He was such a fucking coward. Couldn't even apologize to his brother. Couldn't say anything, do anything, to help the situation. And Dante deserved /better/, the shame that ate its way through his bones said.

He was a failure. If he hadn't -- if he'd tried -- but it didn't matter because he was a /failure/.

He didn't want to think, didn't want to -- wanted to sink down and /stop/ until this burning, suffocating, /shuddering/ receded, this overwhelming urge to vomit, to /die/ here because that would be a better fate than this. Anything to get rid of the writhing urge to -- to do /something/, to rip into something, to tear himself apart, bash his head against the particularly sharp corner of the nightstand until its contents were a gory spatter, just so this would /stop/ --

Vergil sat very, very still, resisting the urge to breathe for fear of ripping his lungs out. The pristine picture of calm and control.

The raging, mindless terror (rage, hate) almost blotted out the age-old, uncontrollable self-loathing that climbed, nightmarish and twisted and choking him in his mind's eye, from some depth of his head. Familiar and vile. And with it, as always, rose the uncontrollable desire to -- to do /what/ was never clear. To die, it felt like. But it was too late for that.

He swallowed, and the creeping black mass was once again only in the depths of his mind, though just as present and pressing. He could deal with it later. The world was imperative; Dante was upset, scared, everything was -- everything was /collapsing/, and he could tear himself apart when he was alone.

Calm, control. That was what he needed right now.

Strider was clever, he acknowledged. He wasn't even lying -- he was always the one who made or brought pizza. And that counted for something, Vergil thought -- as much as anything counted for anything when his brother was broken and fragile and the spidering cracks in his psyche were creeping, creeping --

He took a smooth breath. He didn't have /time/ to deal with his guilt -- eternity stretched before him, an eternity to heal, and he /didn/'/t/ /have/ /time/ for this. Every meaningless instant felt like the last one. There wasn't a future, here. There was /now/.

And he /couldn/'/t/ /fucking/ /think/ --

He slipped away from the bed, swift, silent and precise and /controlled/, across the room, and shut the door, hand as steady as the slow splintering in his head. The walls in the hallway were bright and green and far too foreign to be exposed.

He rested his forehead against the smooth wood -- for only a brief moment -- and clung to the false quiet he exuded on the surface. The calm outward stillness ground against gutteral, wretched rage and mania in a ragged, agonizing juxtaposition. He felt mad and delusional and he couldn't, he couldn't /do/ /this/ right now, Dante was -- Dante --

The pause had lasted for only an instant, in truth. His seemingly arbitrarily quick, unwavering steps to reach the bedside again were exhausting, draining enough for him to collapse limply beside his brother, on his side and curled up just enough to save the pizza. He resisted the urge to grip his head (to rip it open).

He reached out and wrapped his arms around his brother instead, to pull him upright a little of course -- but just as much to hold him, something solid and warm and familiar. The raving madness hidden away by his veil of control suddenly felt distant -- present, but quiet, a low murmur stilled beneath the soothing touch.

He could handle this. Suffocating slowly in a deafening, soft sea of whispers was manageable. He could think, in this quiet.
[8:07:18 PM EDT] Nitro: [apologizes sheepishly]
[8:07:27 PM EDT] Nitro: [also slinks away to get dinner like two hours late]
[8:07:56 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF THIS IS BEAUTIFUL)
[8:07:59 PM EDT] * ZZ reads)
[8:10:57 PM EDT] ZZ: (OH GOD THE FEELS! NITRO WHY?!)
[8:12:22 PM EDT] Nitro: [You're]
[8:12:23 PM EDT] Nitro: [Welcome,,,]
[8:12:37 PM EDT] Nitro: [In hindsight though it would've been a lot better with like]
[8:12:38 PM EDT] * ZZ gross sobbing.)
[8:12:40 PM EDT] Nitro: [More context and]
[8:12:50 PM EDT] Nitro: [Not so abrupt from the end of my last post]
[8:12:50 PM EDT] * ZZ GROSS. SOBBING.)
[8:13:03 PM EDT] Nitro: [And other additional things I should've thought to include]
[8:13:09 PM EDT] ZZ: (Shhh it is perf.)
[8:15:13 PM EDT] Nitro: [8w8]
[8:15:17 PM EDT] Nitro: [But yes --]
[8:15:24 PM EDT] IBLiS: (oh i)
[8:15:27 PM EDT] IBLiS: (it's my turn isn't it)
[8:15:29 PM EDT] IBLiS: (oh lord)
[8:15:29 PM EDT] Nitro: [8y]
[8:15:31 PM EDT] IBLiS: (who to answer first)
[8:15:34 PM EDT] IBLiS: (jaspers)
[8:15:37 PM EDT] IBLiS: (or you guys)
[8:15:38 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i)
[8:15:40 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i)
[8:15:41 PM EDT] Nitro: [pfff]
[8:15:49 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFFFF)
[8:15:51 PM EDT] Nitro: [I can edit my post if you want]
[8:15:52 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i don't wanna leave jaspers waiting so)
[8:15:54 PM EDT] Nitro: [and give you more time]
[8:15:58 PM EDT] IBLiS: (naw)
[8:16:00 PM EDT] IBLiS: (iz cool)
[8:16:02 PM EDT] IBLiS: (you guys can wait, right?)
[8:16:08 PM EDT] Nitro: [because I have some stuff I'd like to add anyway?]
[8:16:12 PM EDT] Nitro: [I don't mind]
[8:16:15 PM EDT] IBLiS: (oh uh)
[8:16:17 PM EDT] IBLiS: (sure?)
[8:16:18 PM EDT] Nitro: [I mean I took like an hour to write it]
[8:16:21 PM EDT] IBLiS: (go right on ahead)
[8:16:37 PM EDT] Nitro: [my mistake -- almost two hours]
[8:32:17 PM EDT] Nitro: [ok yes that looks much less abrupt]
[8:39:51 PM EDT] IBLiS: (k)
[8:39:54 PM EDT] IBLiS: (le's do this)
[8:39:56 PM EDT] IBLiS: (or at least)
[8:39:57 PM EDT] IBLiS: (/try/)
[8:40:02 PM EDT] IBLiS: (ugh so much to rESPOND TO)
[8:40:03 PM EDT] Nitro: [u can do eet]
[8:40:07 PM EDT] Nitro: [ur welcome,,,,]
[8:40:13 PM EDT] Nitro: [Vergil only actually does one thing though haha]
[8:40:15 PM EDT] Nitro: [two]
[8:40:23 PM EDT] Nitro: [shuts the door and hugs Dante]
[8:40:46 PM EDT] IBLiS: (but he lEFT)
[8:40:49 PM EDT] IBLiS: (and that's what matters)
[9:05:31 PM EDT] IBLiS: (oh was i supposed to be writing)
[9:05:33 PM EDT] IBLiS: (oH YEAH)
[9:05:35 PM EDT] IBLiS: (I /WAS/)
[9:05:42 PM EDT] Nitro: [oH MY GOD]
[9:05:56 PM EDT] Nitro: [I THOUGHT THE LACK OF AN IBLIS IS WRITING AT THE BOTTOM LOOKED SUSPICIOUS]
[9:06:04 PM EDT] Nitro: [BUT I WASN'T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING OMFG]
[9:06:12 PM EDT] IBLiS: (nO YOU LISTEN)
[9:06:13 PM EDT] IBLiS: (I WAS)
[9:06:15 PM EDT] IBLiS: (BUSY)
[9:06:15 PM EDT] ZZ: (GOOD JOB.)
[9:06:20 PM EDT] IBLiS: (MAKING PLAYLISTS FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T EXIST)
[9:06:26 PM EDT] Nitro: [YEAH I /KNOW/]
[9:06:49 PM EDT] IBLiS: (sCREW YOU IT'S A /GR8/ PLAYLIST)
[9:06:53 PM EDT] Nitro: [she said, having taken like two hours to write her post]
[9:06:54 PM EDT] IBLiS: (IT'LL HAVE USE)
[9:06:56 PM EDT] IBLiS: (SOMEDAY)
[9:07:12 PM EDT] Nitro: [yEAH AND SO WILL /SLICED/ /CHEESE/]
[10:01:34 PM EDT] * IBLiS "...dave strider."

The words came out mumbled, breathless, a mindless afterthought. Hardly words at all. Eyes still unfocused, still bleary, but narrowed all the same. They were contemplating, no, /struggling/ with something he just couldn't understand. Something that was  just within his grasp, but still too far away to grab, always slipping through his fingers. Dave Strider. Dave Strider. That name. That name meant something. It turned over and over again in his mind, twisting and bending through the cracks.

He knew that name, didn't he? That name. That /name/. He heard it before. He knew it before. But that couldn't be right, could it? Because if he heard that name before, if he knew this guy, then-- then all those /things/-- all those godawful, /horrible/ things--

They--

They were--

/They/--

There went the twitching again, the shivering and trembling he tried /so/ hard to put down. His arms quivered like an ancient crones as his head slowly started to shake-- No, no, it /couldn't/ be. It wasn't true. It just wasn't /true/, goddamnit. That was all just a dream, a terrible fantasy he concocted. Couldn't be true. /Couldn/'/t/ /be/. This wasn't real. This wasn't /happening/.

"you-- /you/--" he tried to whisper, tried to /deny/, but the words simply couldn't come out. They died on his tongue, drowned out by the ever growing /lump/ thrumming in his gut, growing more and more with each passing second. It creeped up past his chest, filling his lungs with nothing less than pure /lead/, snarling and gurgling like some /awful/ beast he just couldn't control--

It wasn't-- It wasn't /true/. It just wasn't /true/. He must be going mad-- must've finally lost his marbles. Couldn't tell what was /real/, what was /true/, not even when it was /fucking/ screaming right--

And, suddenly, it all stopped. Everything, /everything/, had paused just long enough for him to flick his eyes back to his brother. His brother who was /leaving/. His own goddamn /brother/. Gabbing about him like he wasn't even there, and now /leaving/. Finally leaving him here to rot. Alone. All alone.

A sudden panic flew over him, washing away whatever terrors he had before, as the thought of being left /alone/ and /abandoned/ struck him down cold. No, no, no, he-- he /couldn/'/t/. He /wouldn/'/t/. They said they'd be together forever, said that they only had each other now, no one else. And now he was just /leaving/ him /here/ with this-- this /thing/, and--

It was enough to make him /scream/. To leap out of this bed and right out the window, ending it all. Couldn't do this. Couldn't handle this. Couldn't, couldn't, /couldn/'/t/--

He had wound himself so up, so /terribly/ up, that he had hardly noticed Vergil coming right back to collapse all over him. But he did. He came back. He-- he /came/ /back/. Okay. Okay. /Okay/. He wasn't leaving. Wasn't leaving at all. He was still here. Still here for him. Still okay. Everything's still okay.

...But that didn't stop him from curling into his brother, still shivering like a wet dog, wishing it could be a little more okay because it wasn't /nearly/ enough. But. He could deal with this. He could handle this. This-- this wasn't so bad. This was okay.

Because he didn't know a Dave Strider. Never knew a Dave Strider. That was just /stupid/. So stupid. Why would he ever think that? That couldn't be true. Couldn't be true at all.

He took a moment to bury himself in his brother's shoulder, catching his breath so it wouldn't stumble-- wouldn't /hitch/ so fucking much-- before finally speaking.

"what...what're y'even /doin/' here."

It was an accusation, yeah, and not a very polite one at that...but like hell did he care. Not now. Not when this-- this /person/ was here. He didn't belong. Didn't need to be here. /Shouldn/'/t/ have been here.

Shouldn't, couldn't, didn't... but /was/.

And that was /wrong/.
[10:01:41 PM EDT] IBLiS: (me: oh, this'll be real quick)
[10:01:51 PM EDT] IBLiS: (>manages to write an entire novel)
[10:02:57 PM EDT] IBLiS: (yeah)
[10:03:00 PM EDT] IBLiS: (/yeah/)
[10:04:24 PM EDT] ZZ: (Pst)
[10:04:29 PM EDT] ZZ: (Hands.)
[10:08:11 PM EDT] Nitro: [oh]
[10:08:12 PM EDT] Nitro: [hands]
[10:08:14 PM EDT] Nitro: [pffffffff]
[10:08:30 PM EDT] IBLiS: [i]
[10:08:31 PM EDT] IBLiS: [oOPS]
[10:08:33 PM EDT] Nitro: [Dante likes to /think/ he has hands]
[10:08:38 PM EDT] IBLiS: [but]
[10:08:42 PM EDT] IBLiS: [then he would have hands]
[10:08:50 PM EDT] IBLiS: [i will just]
[10:08:54 PM EDT] IBLiS: [casually change it  back to arms]
[10:08:54 PM EDT] Nitro: [pff]
[10:08:58 PM EDT] Nitro: [stubs]
[10:09:37 PM EDT] IBLiS: [i think he's made up to his elbow by now?]
[10:12:26 PM EDT] ZZ: Dave choked everything back, giving his friend the best shit eating grin he could. "man you know why i came to bring the pizza and visit you been long time man you know? fuck ive missed ya shit though was it too long? cus i guess you forgot about me man you jerk my hearts breaking now gotta go bawl my eyes out in the girls bathroom thanks man thanks a lot but nah its chill its been a while shit went down you know i get it shit went down for me too so its all good" He was beginning to babble... Damnit... Cutting himself off Dave just gave another smile, pouring on as much charm as he could. He had to lay it on thick after all, he wasn't just trying to fool Dante with this facade, he was trying to fool himself. Because how much of a shit could he be to not be alright?
Sure, yeah, it sucked, it really fucking sucked, but he couldn't let that get to him. He needed to be stable, fuck SOMEONE had to be here! Because it sure as hell wasn't going to be ANYONE going by the name Redgrave, that left only a Strider to stay steady. Besides, Striders always stayed steady, always kept their cool. Always. This was not an opinion, this was a fact. A fucking fact. He was not about to become the exception to the fucking rule, just because his feelings were hurt... They were hurt before, hurt way more than this... So he could do this. He could hold out. At least... At least until he wasn't in sight or earshot.
[10:12:53 PM EDT] IBLiS: (>it sure as hell wasn't going to be anyone going by the name redgrave)
[10:12:55 PM EDT] IBLiS: (finally dave)
[10:12:56 PM EDT] IBLiS: (finally you learn)
[10:13:09 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF)
[10:13:16 PM EDT] IBLiS: (even though they'll try their best to make you think otherwise)
[10:15:29 PM EDT] Nitro: [Dave /baby/]
[10:15:49 PM EDT] IBLiS: (tonight on dm: the most dysfunctional teens ever)
[10:15:56 PM EDT] ZZ: (GOOD)
[10:18:10 PM EDT] ZZ: (It was much better than CATS I'll watch it again and again.)
[11:00:04 PM EDT] ZZ: (Silence...)
[11:00:29 PM EDT] Nitro: [apologies, I'm writing]
[11:00:31 PM EDT] Nitro: [slowly]
[11:00:38 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF Is okay.)
[11:49:04 PM EDT] * Nitro Dante was shivering. Trembling and terrified and underneath his controlling iron fist he felt the primal urge to /protect/ -- with iron-hard scale and white-hot electricity coursing through his bones. The urge to crush every fear and threat and wrong. Everything that could hurt them.

But /everything/ hurt. Everything was collapsing, out of place -- /Dave/ was out of place, was a foreign offense that had some dark, caged part of his mind bristling, pacing, impatient and predatorial, waiting for its prey to slip up.

Dave was trying to help, he assured himself. Dave was -- he wasn't /wrong/, he...wasn't he? He was to Dante. He was a slow pressure on fragile, cracking glass, and that was /unacceptable/.

Vergil tightened his grip and closed his eyes as Dave spoke. All the wrong words, chipping steadily, slowly -- /shit/ /went/ /down/. As if Dante should ever have to be reminded of that. He was furious -- furious that his friend would /dare/ say such a thing, furious that it had gotten this far. Furious at himself for letting it. For being unable to fix it, now. This was his /brother/, damaged and hurt and despairing as he was. So completely /wrong/, from how he should've been. Dante was all overconfidence and charm, /unrecognizable/ in such a state.

But Vergil could hear it -- that same (fake) heartbeat as ever. This was his brother, and this horrific damage was all his fault.

/Damage/. That word didn't even cut it. Dante was curled against him like a fragile, sickly stray, beaten and broken and trapped in despair. The picture was painful. He became vaguely aware of the tremors in his hands and did his best to still them. Dante was afraid and in pain and...everything had to be okay.

...It was to protect him. "Nothing's wrong," he mumbled, softly, a moment after Dave trailed off. "Nothing's wrong." He'd meant to say it earlier. To try to believe it -- to try to believe that everything /would/ /be/ okay.

Now, it just tasted like a lie, bitter and slimy on his tongue. And he wondered why he /couldn/'/t/ believe it, if only for his brother's sake.
[11:49:30 PM EDT] Nitro: [style suddenly changed into "holy /shit/ I'm tired" in which writing lacks real fluency in thought, let alone consistency]
[11:49:32 PM EDT] Nitro: [I'm]
[11:49:34 PM EDT] Nitro: [really sorry]
[11:50:46 PM EDT] IBLiS: [/what/]
[11:51:48 PM EDT] Nitro: [brb, seeing if we have any]
[11:51:49 PM EDT] Nitro: [erm]
[11:51:56 PM EDT] Nitro: [I almost said alcohol but I meant caffeine]
[11:52:14 PM EDT] Nitro: [we don't even buy alcohol omfg]
[11:52:58 PM EDT] ZZ: (Dave, Dave you're going to get yourself mauled.)
[11:54:58 PM EDT] ZZ: (And I would be so okay with that.)
[11:55:24 PM EDT] Nitro: [Dave pls are you trying to commit seppeku right now]
[11:55:31 PM EDT] ZZ: (Apparently.)
[11:55:34 PM EDT] Nitro: [Second-hand seppeku]
[11:55:38 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF)
[11:56:14 PM EDT] Nitro: [may fall asleep but probably won't]
[11:56:20 PM EDT] * ZZ pets.)
[11:56:22 PM EDT] Nitro: [I am getting better at staying awake by sheer force of will]
[11:56:38 PM EDT] Nitro: [might also make hot tea because that's the only source of caffeine we have that's remotely accessible]
[11:56:45 PM EDT] Nitro: [i.e. not on the top shelf]
[11:56:48 PM EDT] * ZZ pets moar.)
[11:56:50 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF)
[11:57:00 PM EDT] Nitro: [I don't trust myself to climb on the counters for anything else when I'm this tired]
[11:57:19 PM EDT] * ZZ so many pets.)
[11:57:26 PM EDT] * Nitro uwu]
Saturday, January 19, 2013
[12:06:59 AM EDT] IBLiS: [okay i]
[12:07:06 AM EDT] IBLiS: [let me try and think up a response]
[12:07:09 AM EDT] IBLiS: [s o m e h o w]
[12:21:42 AM EDT] ZZ: (Juuust so you know uh, I've kinda just had a vomit/dry heaving spree sooo if I disappear it's because I'm doing that again... I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a while so yeah...)
[12:56:08 AM EDT] * IBLiS ...Long time? Shit going down? No, no, he must be lying. He didn't know a Dave. /Never/ knew a Dave. Never never /never/. And if they'd never met, then it couldn't have been a long time, and if it couldn't been a long time then-- /then/--

...No, /no/, he was /wrong/. Had to be wrong. Everything was fine. /Had/ to be fine. How couldn't it be? He had everything he could've possibly needed. His brother, his little cabin up in the woods, his parents...

Except... They-- they /were/-- had /always/ been--

That thought didn't dare form, didn't /dare/ to finish itself, only hanging  in the air like a unsolved riddle. It wormed its way through his brain, seeping into his mind like a /disease/, cackling at his ignorance. What? /What/? What /was/ it? Come on, you /nutjob/, can't you figure out? Can't you finish the sentence? You /schizo/.

The tremors started up again, shooting up and down and all around like a shot of pure heroin, never /quite/ settling for the same place. No, oh no, we couldn't have that. It had to hurt /everywhere/. It had to feel like the world's worst vice, slowly pressing more and more onto him until he just couldn't /take/ it anymore--

It wasn't-- they weren't-- /he/-- he /wasn/'/t/--

"...Nothing's wrong."

It was hardly a mumble, much less a /sentence/, but it was enough for Dante. Just barely enough. His eyes fluttered back up, surprised... or, well, as surprised as the dull haze in his eyes allowed him to be. The mental trainwreck had been paused, interrupted, for now.

It didn't seem like much, maybe even a little bit /hollow/ on the inside, but it... It was his /brother/. His own damn /brother/, who would hardly say anything at all on the best of days. He couldn't be wrong, could he? He didn't like to be /wrong/, after all, and...

...Well, if he could believe it, so could Dante.

Nothing was wrong. Nothing /could/ be wrong. This-- this was all just a /mistake/. A joke. A /bad/ joke, at that. An /infuriating/ joke. And if there was nothing he hated more, it was a shitty joke.

So he took a deep breath, dared himself to pull away from his brother's shoulder, and gave their precious little intruder a cold, hard glare. It was filtered through lowered, almost /somber/ eyelashes, but the harshness-- no, the /bitterness/-- still rang loud and clear.

"you..." he muttered, growls and snarls kept barely at bay in his throat, rolling and tumbling like a dryer threatening to blow. "...i've never met y'before in my life. /never/."
[12:56:17 AM EDT] * IBLiS "so /beat/ it."
[12:56:35 AM EDT] IBLiS: (oh geeze)
[12:56:38 AM EDT] IBLiS: (u ok zee)
[12:56:55 AM EDT] IBLiS: (i)
[12:56:56 AM EDT] IBLiS: (oh)
[12:58:10 AM EDT] IBLiS: (probably better that she doesn't see this because srsly)
[12:58:11 AM EDT] IBLiS: (what am i even doing)
[1:28:12 PM EDT] ZZ: (Late but THE FEEEEEEEEELS!!!)
[3:54:10 PM EDT] IBLiS: (hEY NERDS)
[3:54:23 PM EDT] IBLiS: (yOU COULD'VE AT LEAST REPONSDED WHILE I WAS GONE)
[3:54:53 PM EDT] Nitro: [wELL YOU]
[3:54:56 PM EDT] Nitro: [ARE A TURKEY]
[3:55:17 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i mean)
[3:55:21 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i know it's not very good but)
[3:55:25 PM EDT] IBLiS: (it's better than not pOSTING AT ALL)
[3:57:51 PM EDT] Nitro: [I was going to keep doing things in order tho so that would require Zee to post first. And it can be easier to get ~in the zone~ for it when you're RPing together rather than coming back and posting at different times.]
[3:57:52 PM EDT] Nitro: [Also]
[3:57:59 PM EDT] Nitro: [What are you saying it is /very/ /gr8/]
Sunday, January 20, 2013
[4:52:28 PM EDT] IBLiS: (hEY)
[4:52:31 PM EDT] IBLiS: (HEEEEEEEEEY)
[4:53:14 PM EDT] ZZ: (YES?)
[4:53:36 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i still haven't forgotten about this 8y)
[4:56:54 PM EDT] ZZ: (:B Neither have I? I just figured flarp was more improtante yesterday.)
[5:11:34 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i don't think nitro's here though?)
[5:11:37 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i mean)
[5:11:48 PM EDT] IBLiS: (you're free to go ahead and write up a response anyway)
[5:11:52 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i don't think she'd care /that/ much 8y)
[5:17:41 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF)
[5:39:47 PM EDT] Nitro: [I'm here-ish,  I maybe took a little nap]
[5:39:54 PM EDT] Nitro: [and I wouldn't care at all, haha]
[5:59:29 PM EDT] ZZ: Forcing out a laugh that cracked his voice Dave continued to smile. "damn man ah you really did forget?" He swallowed down the pitch that his voice wanted to rise to, keeping an even tone. "nah its cool you know just gotta... just gotta..." Just gotta what? Fuck... He had no idea. "but hey you know the pizzas gonna get cold so you really should try some before it goes nasty you know? shits gonna go to waste otherwise" Yes, change the topic, best idea. Well, it would help him to calm down at least, help rebuild that chill exterior he had been holding up so well for so long.
[5:59:33 PM EDT] ZZ: (Shooort.)
[5:59:52 PM EDT] IBLiS: (dave baby)
[5:59:59 PM EDT] IBLiS: (dante i know you're not in your right mind)
[6:00:00 PM EDT] IBLiS: (like)
[6:00:02 PM EDT] IBLiS: (at all)
[6:00:10 PM EDT] IBLiS: (but can't you see what you're doing with your best bud)
[6:00:19 PM EDT] Nitro: [o,n o]
Monday, January 21, 2013
[3:50:29 PM EDT] * Nitro He didn't wholly expect that to help -- expected that Dante might know him /too/ well, far too well to believe words that reverberated so bitterly hollow in his chest. Even if he /wanted/ to believe -- and oh, Vergil /knew/ he did -- surely he would hear. Surely he wouldn't -- he had to know already that his brother would fall short. Wouldn't be able to support him, despite all efforts. He /had/ /to/ know that the words were desperate, helpless -- Vergil had already failed him so many times. How could he...how could he /ever/ listen to what he had to say? How could he ever...

Vergil closed his eyes tightly against tears and swallowed the burning in his throat. He shouldn't have said -- should /never/ have said anything -- all he'd managed to do was shatter the tenuous veil of peace he and Dante had managed to scrounge together, and even as much as he -- he /knew/ things couldn't stay that way, couldn't...

With every passing day the room seemed to grow that many more shadows, this dark, heavy, encroaching brokenness, and it was crushing them behind the facade of sluggish calm and quiet. He could feel it, a slow, spreading despair that hummed and creaked in his bones -- could feel Dante, in no better condition. Somewhere along the line, he knew, something had to change.

But it was /uprooting/ what little calm they had -- ripping away any semblance of...of normalcy, of /stability/, those lies they so desperately took solace in, and -- something was going to /break/ and --

And all he could do was /lie/.

He opened his mouth to apologize -- he didn't want to, he just...no, no, he was a failure, he couldn't even -- but any words that started to form were choked down, silently, fighting the faintly searing chemical burn crawling down to his lungs. The warm weight, pressure, tucked tight and comforting against his shoulder was drawn away, just enough -- he tightened his grip on his brother, buried his head in turn in the shoulder in front of him.

He couldn't so much as /apologize/. Certainly didn't deserve to ask for forgiveness.

Between the muted, humming whispers resonating through his fragile, splintering mind -- the haunting-low vibrations carrying the spiderwebbed cracks further, deeper, spreading fissures and biting, distant pain -- he could hear Dante speaking. Low and harsh and grinding in his throat, gravel scraping rough, raw gravel. He...he was...

/Steady/? Hard and furious and subdued, and still far, far too fragile -- but steadier than he'd been since this began. Ever so slightly, Vergil lifted his head, controlled his breathing carefully. Did... He didn't -- he /couldn/'/t/ have...? But he sounded /so/ much stronger, if still so far from normal, and he wanted so desperately to believe --

He closed his eyes and tried to tell himself it was okay. Nevermind the way Strider's voice broke -- or the fact, something /hissed/ in his head, that he was still /there/ -- still didn't /belong/.

No, no -- Str-- /Dave/ was...was -- had /been/ there, when he'd -- when he was falling apart at the seams and that black mass was clawing its way from the pits of his mind with the bile that burned its way up his throat. Dave had...had been there, had trusted him when his session was -- he'd --

The forceful cough that rasped his throat was what broke him away from the thought. He held his breath for a moment and then released it, slowly, smoothly.

Dave was...here. Trying to be here -- trying to /help/ -- and Vergil didn't know whether the words that wanted to form on his tongue were to tell him to get out and /stay/ /out/ or to shakily beg him to stay because he -- what if Dante...he didn't...

He didn't think he could handle it, either way. Maybe he just couldn't handle it. Couldn't do a damn thing for his brother.

And outside of that, he didn't know what to...to /say/ or -- what was he /supposed/ to do? He couldn't assure Dante without lying to him -- didn't know what to do besides hold him and...

...No, no. He could. He could do something. Slowly, he uncurled just a little, pulled his brother up with him -- just enough to reach down and almost hesitantly reach for the pizza tray. Like a terrified, bone-thin stray, shiver-wracked, who couldn't decide if it was better to be killed for taking the food or to die of starvation. It was barely within reach, and he didn't hesitate to settle back down beside the warm body tucked tightly against him, as though the contact itself would reassure him.

"...Saves me the trouble," he pointed out lowly, letting the implications hang, unspoken and ugly and /awful/. He couldn't...couldn't have taken it, to leave Dante alone right now, not for the sake of the food. Not today -- maybe not for a while -- he didn't know. But he couldn't leave. And he -- he didn't think Dante would want that, either. Even if he should've. Even if --

"It doesn't look /inedible/." The addition was...less shaky. Just a little. And it was only a half-lie, that because of the horrible writhing sickness in his stomach, from the smell and having it right in his face and...

But Dante didn't need to know that, right now. And in other circumstances, he thought it might...look fine. As good as pizza ever had, to him. At least this way, he wasn't...it wasn't that wretched lie that stirred up the jeering blackness low in his mind, and Dave...he could deal with Dave later, if he...if he needed to. It... It'd be...

He didn't dare finish the thought. Even so, the loathing murmur buzzed in his ears.
[3:50:57 PM EDT] Nitro: [I uh]
[3:51:20 PM EDT] Nitro: [This is what happens when you give me so much time to write something like this.]
[3:51:28 PM EDT] Nitro: [cHEERS.]
[3:59:02 PM EDT] IBLiS: [nitro you]
[3:59:05 PM EDT] IBLiS: [yOU NEED TO STOP]
[4:05:23 PM EDT] Nitro: [N o]
[7:20:02 PM EDT] ZZ: (NITRO WHAT DID YOU DO?)
[7:20:12 PM EDT] Nitro: [UM]
[7:20:16 PM EDT] Nitro: [A LOT OF WRITING]
[7:20:18 PM EDT] Nitro: [SORRY]
[7:20:41 PM EDT] ZZ: (IT'S BEAUTIFUL.)
[7:21:06 PM EDT] Nitro: [ALSO CG'S TURN WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE IT]
[7:29:28 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i'm)
[7:29:32 PM EDT] IBLiS: (t h i n k i n g)
[7:29:40 PM EDT] Nitro: [u r sLO]
[7:29:47 PM EDT] Nitro: [she said, having taken like two days to write that]
[7:29:53 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF)
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
[9:56:43 PM EDT] ZZ: (Reminder that this is a thing that exists.)
Friday, January 25, 2013
[7:07:14 AM EDT] ZZ: (Pst.)
[8:37:09 PM EDT] ZZ: (Pst.)
[8:37:31 PM EDT] IBLiS: (wHOOPS)
[8:37:32 PM EDT] IBLiS: (I)
[8:37:38 PM EDT] IBLiS: (OHHHHH I'M)
[8:37:41 PM EDT] IBLiS: (so sorry i)
[8:37:49 PM EDT] IBLiS: (probably shouldn't started another rp with nitro)
[8:37:52 PM EDT] IBLiS: (and then genderbends)
[8:37:54 PM EDT] IBLiS: (and then)
[8:37:55 PM EDT] IBLiS: (psych)
[8:37:56 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFFFF)
[8:38:09 PM EDT] ZZ: (You are horrible.)
[8:38:14 PM EDT] ZZ: (That is why I burn your face.)
[8:38:24 PM EDT] IBLiS: (AND NOW I'M)
[8:38:28 PM EDT] IBLiS: (D E A D)
[8:38:47 PM EDT] ZZ: (HAHAHA)
[8:42:46 PM EDT] ZZ: (BUT SRS HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE MAD FEELS?)
[8:43:16 PM EDT] Nitro: [I will force it out of her.]
[8:43:19 PM EDT] Nitro: [ B[ ]
[8:43:25 PM EDT] IBLiS: [i will]
[8:43:29 PM EDT] IBLiS: [juggle the feels]
[8:43:31 PM EDT] IBLiS: [somehow]
[8:44:33 PM EDT] ZZ: (Nitro, I suggest we have secret feels without Blissy, seclude her away as a feels hermit, until the feels rupture out of a feels valcano into this feelsy rp.)
[8:44:46 PM EDT] Nitro: [I am ok with that.]
[8:45:01 PM EDT] IBLiS: (i am also okay with that)
[8:45:05 PM EDT] IBLiS: (if only because dave and vergil are just)
[8:45:08 PM EDT] IBLiS: (so perfect together)
[8:45:10 PM EDT] Nitro: [aND THEN WE'LL]
[8:45:14 PM EDT] Nitro: [NEVER SHOW YOU THE LOGS]
[8:45:17 PM EDT] Nitro: [H A]
[8:45:18 PM EDT] ZZ: (EVER)
[8:45:20 PM EDT] IBLiS: (wHAT NO)
[8:45:23 PM EDT] IBLiS: (I TAKE IT BACK)
[8:45:29 PM EDT] IBLiS: (NOT OKAY WITH THIS)
[8:45:41 PM EDT] ZZ: (THEN WRITE! WRITE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT)
[8:45:54 PM EDT] Nitro: [pfffff]
[8:46:05 PM EDT] Nitro: [I actually stole her to watch Psych.]
[8:46:20 PM EDT] ZZ: (You are not helping Nitro.)
[8:46:27 PM EDT] Nitro: [I know.]
[8:46:31 PM EDT] Nitro: [I'm terrible.]
[8:47:29 PM EDT] ZZ: (What if I lured you away with feelsy potential that has gone untapped.)
[8:47:45 PM EDT] Nitro: [bUT]
[8:47:49 PM EDT] Nitro: [BUT SHAWN,,,,,]
[8:48:07 PM EDT] ZZ: (I WILL GIVE SUCH FEELS LIKE FEELS NEVER FELT BEFORE.)
[8:49:09 PM EDT] Nitro: [OH GOD HOW DO I HANDLE ALL THESE FEELS]
[8:49:22 PM EDT] Nitro: [THIS RP AND THEN THE ONE CG AND I ARE DOING AND THEN]
[8:49:30 PM EDT] Nitro: [AND PSYCH AND DAVERGIL]
[8:49:46 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF I WANT THAT LOOOG.)
[8:49:56 PM EDT] IBLiS: (it's uh)
[8:49:58 PM EDT] IBLiS: (kind of long,,,)
[8:50:04 PM EDT] Nitro: [It's Adulte and Adultgil in special circumstances, and also]
[8:50:06 PM EDT] ZZ: (You are both terrible, and I love you.)
[8:50:09 PM EDT] Nitro: [R e a l l y   long]
[8:50:10 PM EDT] IBLiS: (though now they're being babies trying to be normal)
[8:50:14 PM EDT] IBLiS: (normal babies)
[8:50:26 PM EDT] IBLiS: (with vergil and his)
[8:50:30 PM EDT] IBLiS: (fANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE)
[8:50:32 PM EDT] IBLiS: (HAH)
[8:50:34 PM EDT] IBLiS: (H A H)
[8:50:38 PM EDT] ZZ: (WHAT?!)
[8:50:39 PM EDT] Nitro: [*BASEBALL GOSH]
[8:50:48 PM EDT] IBLiS: (AS IF THAT'S ANY /BETTER/)
[8:51:07 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFFF)
[8:51:18 PM EDT] Nitro: [It is /far/ better.]
[8:52:17 PM EDT] Nitro: [Football is a sport wherein grown, overly muscled men's bodies collide in dirt and sweat and pants that might as well be second skins.]
[8:52:31 PM EDT] ZZ: (SHHH IBLIS NEEDS TO TYPE.)
[8:52:50 PM EDT] Nitro: [I don't think she'll be able to until Psych's over, haha --]
[8:53:01 PM EDT] IBLiS: [because it's so pERFECT]
[8:53:09 PM EDT] ZZ: (How far along is the episode?)
[8:53:13 PM EDT] Nitro: [It really is]
[8:53:18 PM EDT] IBLiS: [we've got]
[8:53:20 PM EDT] IBLiS: [like]
[8:53:20 PM EDT] Nitro: [It has about forty minutes left I think.]
[8:53:23 PM EDT] IBLiS: [forty minutes le-]
[8:53:28 PM EDT] Nitro: [8y]
[8:53:34 PM EDT] ZZ: (YOU ARE BOTH HORRIBLE.)
[8:53:40 PM EDT] * ZZ sobs alone.)
[8:56:00 PM EDT] Nitro: [Shhhhhhh]
[8:56:02 PM EDT] Nitro: [Soon]
[8:56:05 PM EDT] Nitro: [There will only be feels]
[8:56:41 PM EDT] ZZ: (But I want feels now. :( Don't I deserve feels?)
[8:57:58 PM EDT] Nitro: [8<]
[9:10:41 PM EDT] ZZ: (*Goes to flop*)
[10:23:10 PM EDT] ZZ: (IS IT OVER YET?)
[10:45:44 PM EDT] * IBLiS Somewhere beneath the haze, the confusion, and the all consuming /fear/, something-- something /boiled/ in him. Something strong. Something /vicious/. He-- he didn't have to /deal/ with this. Didn't have to look at this poser's /stupid/ fuckin' face. Didn't-- didn't need to /hear/ it.

He'd tell him off, and-- and /Vergil/ would back him up. His bro always had his back. He'd-- he'd throw that little shithead /right/ /out/. He'd see. /He'd/ /fucking/ /see/. And then--

...Then it would be okay. Everything would go back to being nice and normal and-- and /good/.

Fuckin' bastard would finally see. Yeah. /Yeah/.

Except... Except he didn't. He didn't cringe, didn't recoil, didn't even /apologize/. Hardly even flinched. He just /laughed/. Laughed like it was fuckin' /funny/. Like he had any right to /be/ here. It drilled through his ears and straight into his fucking /brain/, ringing and ringing and /laughing/--

(Laughing in a way he could've /sworn/ he heard before. Cracked and crushed, twisted into it was nothing at all. Yes, he'd heard it before. Heard it over and over and over--)

He hardly even noticed the snarl that came out of his throat. Too busy dealing with the escalating /rage/ that was burning in his gut. The rage and the pain and the walls that were slowly, /slowly/, caving in more and more and /more/--

He-- he /didn/'/t/-- he /never/-- HE FUCKIN' NEVER-- /STOP /IT/--
[10:45:48 PM EDT] IBLiS: (not actually done haha just)
[10:45:57 PM EDT] IBLiS: (DRAMATIC PUASE)
[10:46:21 PM EDT] * IBLiS ...But then.
[10:46:32 PM EDT] * IBLiS But then the most curious thing happened.
[10:47:01 PM EDT] * IBLiS His brother.
[10:47:23 PM EDT] * IBLiS His brother... Agreed?
[10:47:27 PM EDT] * IBLiS He.
[10:47:38 PM EDT] * IBLiS Didn't care?
[10:51:02 PM EDT] * IBLiS ...He didn't care.
[10:51:08 PM EDT] * IBLiS /He/ /didn/'/t/ /care/.
[11:17:33 PM EDT] ZZ: (Are you done?)
[11:18:03 PM EDT] Nitro: [Nah, she's writing.]
[11:18:16 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF Ooops.)
[11:36:23 PM EDT] * IBLiS Suddenly, everything had stopped. The voices. The walls. The /pain/. He froze into place, so very still save for the ocassional tremor or gasp, as his eyes darted back and forth between his twin and that-- that blonde /monster/.

He /really/ didn't care. He didn't have Dante's back. Wasn't-- wasn't even /by/ /his/ /side/.

No one was getting kicked out.

Nothing would change. Nothing, nothing, nothing, /nothing/--

His eyes went wide with shock and disbelief, trembling like an animal before a throttling car, before fogging up with uneasiness. With /insecurity/. Now he was a shivering and abused dog, unsure and afraid over what horrible thing he had done but wanting /so/ badly to be good. To be loved.

And so he slinked back. Back to the comfort of his brother's side. The mattress was starting to feel like quicksand, shifting and swaying and threatening to swallow him up whole, forcing him to curl up around his brother and hope it wouldn't eat him alive.

He-- he didn't /understand/. What did he do? Why didn't his brother care? Did--

Did he do something /wrong/?

He didn't get it. He didn't get it at all. But it scared the hell out of him. /All/ of this did, but-- but /that/ terrified him more than anything else.

Everything was so confusing and horrible and /painful/, so he--

He didn't try. He didn't know what to do, so he didn't /do/ at all. Simply lay there, eyes flickering back and forth to something-- /anything/-- that would give him the answers. That would make him feel safe. That would just-- just make this all /go/ /away/.

"but he--" he mumbled, over and over and /over/ again under his breath, voice always threatening to crack at a moment's notice. "he-- he's not s'possed t'/be/ here."

"he-- he's not /s/'/possed/ /t/'/even/ /be/ /here/..."
[11:36:29 PM EDT] IBLiS: (okay i)
[11:36:33 PM EDT] IBLiS: (now i'm done, i think)
[11:37:52 PM EDT] ZZ: (Oh geeze, Dave, Dave you ruin everything.)
[11:38:12 PM EDT] IBLiS: (don't feel too bad dave)
[11:38:19 PM EDT] IBLiS: (he's been like this for a /long/ time)
[11:38:21 PM EDT] IBLiS: (he just)
[11:38:34 PM EDT] IBLiS: (didn't have anything to drag it out into the open)
[11:39:41 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFFF I feel so lame, all your posts are so awesome and I barely spew out a paragraph...)
[11:40:12 PM EDT] Nitro: [Aw, hon. You do a great job with just a paragraph.]
[11:40:19 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF)
[11:40:25 PM EDT] Nitro: [My problem is probably that I can't sHUT UP --]
[11:40:31 PM EDT] IBLiS: (and mine is that i)
[11:40:35 PM EDT] IBLiS: (never really have a game plan)
[11:40:38 PM EDT] IBLiS: (so i just)
[11:40:41 PM EDT] IBLiS: (wRITE)
[11:40:42 PM EDT] Nitro: [That either,,]
[11:46:40 PM EDT] ZZ: Leaning away a bit Dave pulled up a hand to run through his hair, a frown slowly, finally, curling his lips. "man really? ... fuck... because im gonna be honest like... i dont really have anywhere else to go my session was voided man all gone and like i know things are messed up but you guys are pretty much all i got that arent you know terrors and shit" Gripping the hair in the back of his head Dave swallowed. Fuck, he just said it... Admitted that to not only Dante, who it probably wouldn't matter to at all at the moment, Vergil, who obviously had more important things to deal with, but himself too. He really... Didn't have anything did he? No bro, no friends, no session, just these two, a pink cat sprite and some terrors. Fuck...
Swallowing again he glanced off to the floor by the bed before clearing his throat. "fuck i sound lame huh" He drummed up another weak laugh. "man i cant believe it i really have hit rock bottom but you know man..." He looked back to Dante. "i guess that means all i can go is up? so thats not too bad" Fuck, what was that...? That cold wet feeling pooling at his eyes, because he sure as hell wasn't going to cry. Blinking the tears away Dave forced out another shit eating grin, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that he probably fucked this up too.
[11:47:12 PM EDT] IBLiS: [welcome to dickmegle, folks]
[11:47:21 PM EDT] IBLiS: [a.k.a eVERYONE HAS WAY TOO MANY FUCKING PROBLEMS]
[11:48:01 PM EDT] ZZ: (You're. Whalecum.)
[11:48:02 PM EDT] IBLiS: [BABIES]
[11:48:08 PM EDT] IBLiS: [B A B I E S,,,]
[11:48:36 PM EDT] IBLiS: [the worst part is that they don't have any /adults/ that can help them sort this shit out]
[11:48:41 PM EDT] IBLiS: [/reasonable/ adults, that is]
[11:48:44 PM EDT] IBLiS: [mindfang]
[11:48:48 PM EDT] IBLiS: [mindfang doesn't count]
[11:48:52 PM EDT] IBLiS: [alpha doesn't count either]
[11:48:56 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF)
[11:49:11 PM EDT] IBLiS: [he took advantage of an insecure and troubled teenage boy]
[11:49:23 PM EDT] IBLiS: [and an insecure and easily swayed /cat/]
[11:49:28 PM EDT] IBLiS: [he /definitely/ doesn't count]
[11:49:41 PM EDT] ZZ: (And basically ruined things for a lot of other people too. :B)
[11:49:49 PM EDT] IBLiS: [and then there's]
[11:49:52 PM EDT] IBLiS: [you know]
[11:50:00 PM EDT] IBLiS: [the fact that he fucked poor dave up royally]
[11:50:10 PM EDT] ZZ: (That too.)
[11:50:25 PM EDT] IBLiS: [when all this is over and dante has reached]
[11:50:30 PM EDT] IBLiS: [uh]
[11:50:38 PM EDT] IBLiS: [some vague level of stability]
[11:50:45 PM EDT] IBLiS: [they can have all the feels about it]
[11:50:49 PM EDT] IBLiS: [because he /definitely/ knows that feel]
[11:50:54 PM EDT] ZZ: (FFF Good.)
[11:51:03 PM EDT] IBLiS: [that is a feel he knows all too fucking well]
Saturday, January 26, 2013
[12:00:12 AM EDT] Nitro: [cRACKS KNUCKLES]
[12:00:16 AM EDT] Nitro: [First Zee]
[12:00:18 AM EDT] Nitro: [Then this]
[12:00:21 AM EDT] Nitro: [I can dO THIS]
[12:00:27 AM EDT] ZZ: (SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET REAL)
[12:00:49 AM EDT] Nitro: [SHIT IS SO NONFICTION RIGHT NOW]
[12:00:58 AM EDT] ZZ: (HO DAMN)
[12:30:58 AM EDT] ZZ: (I should play action music for how intense and real this is right now.)
[12:34:58 AM EDT] IBLiS: (...wait)
[12:35:00 AM EDT] IBLiS: (>first zee)
[12:35:04 AM EDT] IBLiS: (>fIRST ZEE)
[12:35:13 AM EDT] IBLiS: (DON'T ACT LIKE I DIDN'T SEE THAT)
[12:35:15 AM EDT] IBLiS: (...jUST NOW)
[12:35:17 AM EDT] ZZ: (FFFFF)
[12:36:50 AM EDT] ZZ: (IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER IT'S NOT VERGIL AND DAVE? IT'S VERGIL AND ERIDAN.)
[12:37:01 AM EDT] IBLiS: (HAAAAAAAAH)
[12:37:03 AM EDT] IBLiS: (ha)
[12:37:04 AM EDT] IBLiS: (/ha/)
[12:37:19 AM EDT] IBLiS: (i would pay a million dollars to see that)
[12:37:29 AM EDT] ZZ: (WELL IT'S HAPPENING.)
[12:37:43 AM EDT] IBLiS: (eridan did you hit on vergil)
[12:37:44 AM EDT] IBLiS: (you)
[12:37:48 AM EDT] IBLiS: (you hit on vergil didn't you)
[12:38:00 AM EDT] ZZ: (NO BUT VERGIL TRIPPED OVER HIM BLEEDING IN THE HALLWAY.)
[12:38:06 AM EDT] Nitro: [Not yet. But he will.]
[12:38:09 AM EDT] Nitro: [We all know it's coming.]
[12:38:10 AM EDT] IBLiS: (and then he's gonna hit on him)
[12:38:21 AM EDT] IBLiS: (and when vergil reacts he's)
[12:38:28 AM EDT] IBLiS: (probably gonna hatehit on him)
[12:39:38 AM EDT] IBLiS: (and when tHAT doesn't work he's gonna mope and whine and cry about his horrible problems)
[12:39:40 AM EDT] IBLiS: (come on vergil)
[12:39:41 AM EDT] IBLiS: (aren't)
[12:39:46 AM EDT] IBLiS: (aren't you going to comfort him)
[12:39:57 AM EDT] IBLiS: (prevent him from doing awful things maybe)
[12:40:12 AM EDT] IBLiS: (... <>?)
[12:40:22 AM EDT] ZZ: (FFF That's, completely not how I play Eridan.)
[12:40:32 AM EDT] IBLiS: (,,,,,)
[12:40:33 AM EDT] IBLiS: (do)
[12:40:52 AM EDT] IBLiS: (do you have any burning rivalries that need mediating)
[12:40:53 AM EDT] IBLiS: (he)
[12:40:54 AM EDT] IBLiS: (he can do that)
[12:41:02 AM EDT] ZZ: (FFFF)
[1:39:22 AM EDT] * Nitro Dante seemed to freeze, then start to shiver and tremble, and it was with a growing sense of heart-rending grief that Vergil tightened his grip, pushing the tray aside to hold his brother closer. And then came the quiet, desperate little mantra -- and all he could do was despairingly wonder how, how this could /ever/ be okay.

He couldn't say the right things, do the right things. He couldn't fix this. Of course. He never could. He could only make it so much worse, more painful -- couldn't keep things /safe/ and /stable/. All that he could do was cling to the damaged boy now practically curled onto him, feeling damp hear rise stinging in his throat, in his eyes. He buried his face against his brother's shoulder, breathing harsh and muffled.

"('m sorry, 'msorry,)" he murmured, hoarsely, the words mixed and muddled and choked in his throat, and coming out as barely a low whine. He was so, so sorry, and he couldn't even get the words out /right/ --

Dave had to -- had to go. Everything was falling apart and he -- he couldn't /handle/ this, could feel everything creaking and shredding and snapping, and he could do nothing but shudder and swallow his tears and feel his brother breaking apart in his arms, and --

But. Dave was...Dave was alone. He'd been there for Vergil and he was /alone/, but he was /here/ and everything was falling apart --

How could he? How could he damage Dave like that, when he needed someone so badly, no differently than they? If he -- if he'd never really known Dave, if he hadn't been there to support him (if only a little), if -- if Dave was just another person, it would mean nothing to snarl protectively and throw him through the door, literally if needed. But...but it was /Dave/. It was Dave, who had been there and helped him and was trying so hard to help now -- but everything was only getting /worse/ --

And Dante was hurting. Dante was hurting and he could not sit by idly.

He knew, easily, that when it was between Dante and /anyone/, there was no contest. There was no question of whom he'd protect. But there was still pain, now -- because it was Dave that he was hurting to do so, Dave who now had to pay the price alongside Dante because he fell so wretchedly short. He couldn't...couldn't protect them both. He couldn't even protect /Dante/, after so long.

It had all led up to this moment and he'd failed.

His shoulders spasmed, painfully sharp, and the breath he'd been holding until his lungs ached burst through with a breathless, low sob.

"J-j-j'st-t..." It was a hiss, fighting to be audible through violent shudders and shivers. He choked on the word, couldn't stop the harsh, high-pitched sobs and trembling that wracked his frame. Between the exhausted, overwhelmed whimpers, low and muffled and strangled, came little mostly-shattered sounds that might have been words, once, likely too quiet to hear and too mutilated to understand. "(J'st le-/leave/.)"

He drew a sharp breath, tried desperately to fight down the sobbing and bile, clinging to his brother tightly. Just -- just forgive him -- just be /okay/ -- and he...he would live with it. He would have to. The rising, pent-up black emotion would have to wait -- the cracks and sprawling splinters of his own head would have to split a little deeper before he could give in. He...he had to swallow all this, put it away. Had to.

Dante needed everything to be okay, including him. So he would be. He would look the part, and if Dante was okay...then so was he. Dave and all the rest could wait.
[1:40:13 AM EDT] Nitro: [the implication being that they probably can't understand what the hell he just said and as far as they're concerned he's just]
[1:40:22 AM EDT] Nitro: [mostly fighting back sobs]
[1:40:31 AM EDT] Nitro: [if not actually sobbing]
[1:40:46 AM EDT] Nitro: [but whether or not they can is up to y'all]
[1:42:44 AM EDT] IBLiS: [all things consider, dante is probably weeping too]
[1:42:57 AM EDT] IBLiS: [silent little tears that he refuses to acknowledge /at/ /all/ but]
[1:43:08 AM EDT] IBLiS: [eVERYONE]
[1:43:13 AM EDT] IBLiS: [EVERYONE IS CRYING]
[1:43:25 AM EDT] Nitro: [Dickmegle, ladies and gentlemen.]
[1:43:27 AM EDT] ZZ: (GOD DAMN)