[`It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope. It'll still be stationary.`,
`What did the Confederate soldiers use to eat off of? Civil ware, What did they use to drink with? Cups. Dixie Cups.`,
`I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap.`,
`A book just fell on my head, I only have my shelf to blame.`,
`What is the leading cause of divorce in long-term marriages? A stalemate`,
`Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.`,
`A moon rock tastes better than an earthly rock because it's meteor.`,
`A backwards poet writes inverse.`,
`I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now.`,
`3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.`,
`I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.`,
`What did the mermaid wear to her math class? An algae bra.`,
`Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.`,
`I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.`,`You know what's not right? Left.`,
`What does a pirate say while eating sushi? Ahoy! Pass me some soy!`,
`People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow… Too soon?`,
`You wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it was too cheesy.`,
`What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot!`,
`Why can't a nose be 12 inches? Because then it would be a foot.`,
`A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat.`,
`I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.`,
`I'm glad I know sign language. It's become quite handy.`,
`I forgot how to throw a boomerang. But it came back to me.`,
`When a clock is hungry... It goes back four seconds.`,
`I once heard a joke about amnesia... But I forget how it goes.`,
`When the power went out at the school... The children... were de-lighted.`,
`Those fish were shy. They were obviously coy.`,
`The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.`,
`I didn't have the faintest idea... as to why I passed out.`,
`There was once a crossed-eyed teacher... who had issues controlling his pupils.`,
`Diarrhea is hereditary... It runs in your genes.`,
`I heard two peanuts walk into a park... One was as-salted.`,
`What is a pirate's favorite letter? Tis' the c.`,
`Those two men drinking battery acid will soon be charged.`,
`The midget psychic escaped prison. He was a small medium at large.`,
`I'm inclined...to be laid back.`,
`Newspaper headline reads: Cartoonist found dead at home, details are sketchy.`,
`The Magician got frustrated and pulled his hare out.`,
`A criminal`s best asset... is his lie-ability.`,
`I heard about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda. He is lucky it was a soft drink.`,
`It's not that the guy didn't know how to juggle... He just didn't have the balls to do it.`,
`What did the triangle say to the circle? You're so pointless.`,
`What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late? A cold shoulder!`]