Thread 18: Stories 31-45

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>Celestia
"Applejack"
~~~~~

>...

"..."

>...What!?

"Did ya'll SERIOUSLY just leave this massively dangerous spellbook unguarded?"

>What? It was in a hidden room, locked with an iron padlock besides, put up on a giant evil looking pillar, and the pillar was supposed to collapse if you even tried to grab it. And, I mean, well, LOOK AT IT! That looks so horrifying! It has giant evil looking spikes coming out of the front! Who would use that?

"Evil ponies?"

>That's why it was hidden in a decrepit castle! And hey, it's been there for over a thousand years, I THINK I did an okay job hiding it.... How did you find that thing anyway?

"....Long story. Suffice ta' say, it's all yer' fault-"

>BITE A ROTTEN APPLE STEM!
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>Applejack
“Celestia”
__________

“…What?”

>Nothin’.

“No really, what? You’ve been staring at me unblinkingly for the past ten minutes. It’s creepy. Blink.”

>Jus’ wonderin’….

“Okay. I can see you’re baiting me to ask so I’ll just ask. What is it you’ve been wondering?”

>That’s three times now, Celly.

“Three times for wh-…oh. Oh, up yours, Applejack.”

>Hey, Ah’m jus’ sayin’.

“Oh, I know what you’re saying and I’M saying you can jump out the window. Wingless. C'mon, I mean she suckerpunched me from behind! You can’t hold that against me!”

>Ah’m not knockin’ ya fer’ gettin’ one-shotted again. Ah’m knockin’ ya because yer’ fat ass won’t consent to joinin’ my mornin’ workout!

“I lift the sun in the morning….”

>And? It’s a thirty-minute exercise! It works out my wings, forelegs, backhooves, and tightens up-

“Your ass?”

>Ye- NO! It tightens up my core! Helps improve balance and-

“The size of your hips?”

>…
“…”

>W-well… it don’t hurt none, Ah suppose… b-but still! The main goal is-

“To retain your hourglass figure?”

>…buck you, Celly.

"Just callin' it how I see it, dear."
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Earlier that day...

Spike and 42 were locked in a heated spar when 42 began to unleash the full power stored within her harness

"HERE COMES THE PAIN TRAIN, SPIKE!" 42 shouts triumphant

In a panicked move, Spike inhaled deeply and sprays 42 in flames, and when the smoke cleared...

42 stood confused as her harness was bedazzled with gems and gold filigree.

"Uhhh... what the hell?"

Spike turns red and coughs. "Yeah, it's a long story. Got anything with high fiber that can help move a book out of your bowels?"

NON CANON
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>Cadence
"Chrysalis"
'18'
-2-
~Sombra~
[42]
{SA}
~~~~

>Um...

"What?"

>It's just, uh... while I like the GESTURE you are making, and it is a nice gesture-

"I thought so."

>-right, well, while the concept of making Shiny some breakfast sounds good on PAPER-

"And he deserves it."

>-right, I agree, he deserves it, but I'm just saying... Can you... cook?

"I can make biscuits!"

>That looks like pancakes.

"Are they not the same thing? They're pretty similar. Both of them are bready little circles."

>...Huh...

'You know, I can cook-'

"NO! You sit down and you let YOUR QUEEN do the cooking!"

'I'm just saying, I can cook just fi- OW!'

-Shiny says ya' ain't sposed ta' throw the spatula.-

"Why? Give me ONE good reason."

-Cause now that spatula's over there and dirty.-

"...Five second rule!"

~It has been well over five seconds, what are you talking about?~

"ONE OF THESE DAYS, SMOKEY!"

[Majesty, really. I'll wash it off, you don't have to-]

"SIT!"

>You are being really violent about this. Maybe I should-

"'-~[NO!]~-'"

>...My cooking isn't THAT bad.

"Liars go to the bad place, Caddy."

-What bad place?-

"He-"

>One more word and I will sick my smoke monster on you.

"..."

~I'm not a dog.~

"Look, will you all just calm down? I've clearly got this. I just need to grease the pan with the no stick spray, and we're in business."

[Uh, Majesty? Where did you find that...]

"In the pantry, 42. Duh."

[Oh, good, because that look like a gas ca-]

"The pantry in the garage."

>"'-~[...NO WAI-]~-'"

~~~~~

{Awww, you guys ordered me take out breakfast? Thanks, I appreciate it.}

"Yeah, well, you know us Changelings. Kindest things alive."

{...You uh, you going to put out your hair? It's been on fire this whole time.}

"...It's the new style, get with it, Shiny. It's called... sizzling mane."

...

"...A-hem."
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>Chitania
" Spider-pony "
~~~~

>Hate... hate... hate...

"Uh, Miss?"

>Hate... hate... hate...

"Look, don't want to bug you or anything-"

>Is that supposed to be cute?

"Actually, Spiders aren't bugs, they're arachnids. So that wouldn't actually work."

>...Hate... hate... hate...

"Right, back on that subject... how the heck did you get up here? I had to cast a wall-sticking spell to walk up this high on the tower, and you're up even higher than me."

>Hate... hate... hate...

"Now, normally, this wouldn't bug me, but you're an earth pony. Pegasus? I get that. Unicorn? Well, obviously. But, uh, you're just an earth pony."

>...

"N-not that there's anything wrong with earth ponies! You are a proud, strong race with a lot of benefits, but you can't normally, you know, climb on walls. That's weird."

>I was in Fillydelphia ten minutes ago...

"Did... did you piss off a shaman or something? Did a gypsy curse you?... Wow, I am racist today, did I eat a bag of dickhead o's for cereal or something? I might need to investigate that."

>So do you actually have super-powers?

"Well, yes. Magic."

>...

"Oh, uh, other thing, no. No I do not. I'm just... just a unicorn with a theme, I guess."

>Do you know anything about gods?

"They hate me. IMMENSELY. And I don't know why. Seriously, my luck is the worst."

>That all? Useless...

"...Do you want me to help you down?

>Give me a few minutes.... hate... hate... hate...

"...Sooo.... baseball fan?"

>...hate...hate... hate.... hate...hate..

"No baseball, gotcha."
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>Be Anon
>Day Macro in Equestria
"What the fuck am I doing here?!"
>Turn head to see source of the noise
>It's a changeling queen
>Decide to try to fu-
>OHFUCKSHEKICKEDMYBALLS!
"Don't you dare lay your hands on me you filthy green faced thing!"
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>inb4 "Anon, are giant rage-fueled changeling queens your fetish?"

Chitania bellows, stomping through ponyville

>FUCK THIS, FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU
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>Applejack
"Fluttershy"
' fire-pony '
~~~~

>Okay, so...

"Oh, I don't want to be a bother, but the poor bunnies need a place to stay! Their homes were squished flat."

>Right, got that, but here?

"I'm out of room at my place."

>No no no, specifically, here. This spot right here.

"They need the warmth."

>Fluttershy...

"It's vital to their survival."

>Fluttershy...

"And, of course, as a Princess sworn to protect all that inhabit Equestria, you don't mind a bit of inconvenience, do you?"

>FLUTTERSHY!

"..."

>...They ain't livin' in mah hat.

"Why do you hate bunnies, Applejack?"

>...They're poopin' up there.

"Well, you should have installed a bathroom sooner."

>...

"...Bunny hater. Come here, girls, we'll find you a real home, a better home! Away from the bunny haters."

>...Wow, am Ah' glad this hat has no specific value, and Ah' literally have a closet full of 'em. Iffin' Ah' had some kind'a sentimental attachment, Ah'd probably feel bad about settin' fire to it.

~~~~Five minutes later~~~~~

>Probably shouldn'a done it in mah' office.

'YA THINK!?'
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>Spike
"Blueblood"
~~~~

>Reconstruction of Canterlot and other various areas are going well. The debris has been cleared out in Canterlot. Right now most ponies are living in Fawntaine's Home for the Poor until construction is done, but otherwise it looks like commerce is resuming as normal. Applejack's been-

"Alright, I'm going to stop beating around the bush..."

>What?

"I need you to do me a favor."

>...what?

"I need you to check on my momsie and daddy."

>I think they're fine. I'm sure I would have heard something if they died.

"You THINK they're fine? No, that's not good enough. Go and find out what happened to them! ...please, I really need this."

>...hmph, fine. I guess it wouldn't be a big thing.

"Thank you...oh and can you also get me another self-help book? The one I've been reading is extremely hilarious, but it's getting old reading it over and over."

>uh, I'll see what I can do.
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
'Luna'
[Chrysalis]
{Cadence}
-Rarity-
~18~
~~~~~

>Alright, first official princess meetin' since what we're dubbin' as the the time we all got stomped is now in session.

"First order of business, we should redub that. Makes us sound bad."

'Second order of business! The one who caused all of this is within our midst! We should cast her out of the room at the very least.'

[Wow, couldn't hear you, Luna, could you repeat that?]

'We said-'

[No no no, really open it wide, Lulu! How are you going to eat all of those dicks like that?]

'FORNICATE WITH A WEED THRESHER!'

[Celestia, your sister is trying to force her weird sexual fetishes on me, please tell her to stop.]

{You started it.}

[Cadence, I know it's been a while, but fellatio is not a fetish.]

-But you said "all", implying there was more than one. A gangbang is a fetish.-

{CAN WE PLEASE NOT TALK ABOUT THIS!?}

~Why is the ONE pony in this room with easy and legally binding access to dick the one that freaks out at sex talk? None of us have gotten laid in forever, but the one with the game set to easy mode freaks out.~

-Really darling, you don't need to be so shy. We're all adults here, are we not?-

~See? She gets it.~

>18, Ah' didn't ask ya' ta' come so ya'll could make Cadence look like she ate a damn lava-pepper.

~I've already filed all of the building material you're importing. With these specially grown crystals to act as support and foundation, construction should take half what it normally would, and we can-~

{Um...}

~...Yes, Cadence?~

{C-can... Can I see that real quick?}

~It was on your desk for over 24 hours. Why do you want to look at it now?~

{...I have a desk?}

~Yes, Cadence, you have a desk. It's the desk next to my desk. It has glitter on it so you know it is yours.~

{Wait, WHAT!? That desk is smaller!}

~Your point?~

{Well, I mean, why do you get a bigger desk?}

~...~

>Uh... is anyone sensin' a bit o' hostility in the room?

[Okayyy, just gonna... schooch a bit over here...]

'What? It's a valid question. Our niece is the Princess of the Empire, is she not? She should not have a smaller work area than someone like her. She is the subordinate.'

"Uh, Luna? Might want to shut up on this one."

'I am simply supporting our niece. A pony you made our niece without our knowledge or consent. It's simply assumed we would take her side, and not the one who is there by her graces.'

>O-oooohhhhkaaaaayyyy, Ah' think we're alllll havin' a bit of a problem here, why don't we just sit back, take a deeeeeep breath, and relax.

~.....*INHALE*............*EXHALE*......

-...Did... did she just breath fire?-

{...I just wanted to see the report...}

~...Here you go.~

"She's breaking my table."

>Ah'll buy ya' a new one, shut up!

~Is everything alright now, CADENCE?~

{...I don't understand most of this.}

~WHAT. A. SHOCK. WELL. IF YOU DON'T MIND, APPLEJACK, I HAVE THINGS I NEED. TO. DO.~

>...Ya'll are excused?

~THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE SO KIND.~

That's when she got up, and walked right through wall in the direction of the portal. And the one after that... and the one after that...

[...Huh, that was weird. So, what were we talking about?...Oh, right! The fetish thing. Anyway, this just came to me, I technically told her to EAT all of the dicks, not suck them, so regardless of the amount it IS a fetish, thought admittedly one of those creepy ones that only really messed up fuckers like, more messed up than me I mean, so yeah. Long story short, it's my fault fetishes came into the discussion, sorry Luna.

>"'-{....}-"'

[...So! Next order of business, cake. Can we get some in here? Man, am I hungry.]

"You know what? For once..."

The wall finally gave up the ghost, and the rest of it collapsed.

"...I'm not."
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>Rainbow Dash
"Scootaloo"
~~~
"Come on! Where's the awesome Rainbow Dash I know?"

>I-I don't know if I can do this! I'm too scared!"

"What's there to be scared of? Just breath in, and out, and squeeze!"

>Why do you even know any of this?

"Crusading, now just breath in"

>Breath out...

"And..."

>Squeeze?

BANG!

"... Wow... Congratulations Rainbow Dash! Yo- You fired a gun for the first time!"

>I-I did?! I really did it! Hah! Hahahah! and no one got hurt! I'm awesome! I'll be better than Spike in no time!

"Hahahah... Yeah... once you stop closing your eyes the moment you shoot."

NON CANON
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>Late night in the castle
>Spike can't sleep
>Goes to one of the kitchen fridges for something to drink
>Opens the door and sees Chitania
"Yeah, I don't have any idea how I got here either."
>Silence
>Nope
>Spike closes the door and goes back to his bed
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>Chitania
~~~~~~~

>...H-hoooowww...

"Iiiiiit's a small world aaaaaafter all! Iiiiiiit's a small world aaaaaaaafter all! It's a small, small, wooooooooorld!"

>Hooooowwwwww?

"Iiiiiit's a small world aaaaaaafter all!"

>I wanted to go to partyland...
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>42
"Spike"
~~~~

With a THUMP! The dragon hit the mat yet again.

>Oh for fucks sake, Spike. Get your head in the game.

"Sorry, just a little distracted."

>Well, stop being distracted! Or I will forcibly drag your head back into the game, with punches.

"You can't drag with a punch."

>I heard a challenge!

"...Hey, 42?"

>Oh come on.

"No, really, answer me a question real quick. You can kill me, right?"

>Well, I certainly proved as much.

"Was that only easy for you because you knew it wasn't real?"

>...What? Yes, obviously. I'd clearly have more of an issue with it if I didn't know you would be perfectly alright come the end. That's a stupid question.

"I mean... let's say you and I really went at it, and were trying to kill each other-"

>In what context?

"What?"

>You're being vague with 'if this' and 'if that', but you're leaving out context.

"Does it really matter?"

>Yes, it really, really does.

"Okay, fine. Your Queen ordered you to kill me."

>Just out of the blue? That doesn't sound like her. She knows Shining Armor loves you like a brother, she wouldn't order that. So, clearly, I would investigate that before attempting to kill you.

"Fine, whatever! Say I went on a rampage and tried to kill everyone!"

>That doesn't sound like you, and mind control does exist. Probably better to figure out what's wrong with you first.

"FINE! What if I shot Chrysalis because she annoyed me!?"

>I'd kill you.

The air went still.

"...Really? Just like that?"

>Yes.

"...Why?"

>Same reason you'd kill me if I killed Twilight because she was in my way. Because the thought of someone we care about so much being killed for something so petty would set us off. I am a soldier, born to protect first and foremost, and she trusts me unconditionally to do that. My Queen being killed like that... no, let me rephrase that, CHRYSALIS being killed like that would hurt me more than you can imagine. I'd kill you because at that point, you had not only ceased to be my friend, you had declared "I am going to hurt you the worst way I can." Context is vital, Spike.

"...Yeah, guess you've got a point. Sorry, talking with 32-"

>You should not do that. Nothing good can come from speaking with him.

"Twilight's trying to help him."

>Chrysalis did too. Look how well that turned out.

"She did not."

>I don't expect you to understand...

Abruptly, she hooked a foreleg under his arm, and chucked him into the air. Before he could react to the attack, she had already grabbed his tail and slammed him against the ground like a scaly mace.

>...you're missing the context.

"...Ow."

>Breaktime is over, let's continue. With your head in the game, if you don't mind.

Shakily, he staggered to his feet, putting his fists out in front of him.

"Hey, 42?"

>Question time is over.

"No question, just something you need to know."

>Oh?

She briefly dropped her guard, allowing him to get in a powerful uppercut.

Once the stars vanished, she saw an outstretched claw waiting to hoist her up.

"I don't have all the context for everything... but I've got enough to know I trust you, and I'm glad you're my friend."

An odd mix between a smirk and a warm smile crossed her face, and she accepted the help up. The took their positions, and the two friends resumed sparring.
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>Gwen
"Gilda"


"Ma'am"?

The quarters were sombre as Gilda entered, the Queen still choosing only black and gray attire, even after such time had passed, the destruction never left her memory.

>Hello Gilda

Still at her desk, even if her reputation of her being stone hearted and slow to warmth were true, she made a truly drab sight now, staring down at unseen forms and reports, lists of things and....names.

"I..Got a fresh batch of requests for labourers for the Canterlot....rebuilding efforts? Do you think we can spare a few claws to help?"

>...Yes....why not...let her use us as she sees fit then...

"Gwen, please, I know it's tough, it still is... but we can't- Hey! That Blackroot rum is the last thing you need right now!"

There was a brief flash of irritation in the Queens eyes as the drink swilled down her beak, then faded into a steely thousand yarder again.

>Even after all this, she still rides high, above everything, always the victor, no matter what

Gilda racked her head briefly for this elusive "she", but to her discredit it should've come easier

"It's alright to be mad at her, the whole Kingdom is last time I checked, but we need to move on an-"

>What does it take for her to just....stop. To just cease her playing this cruel, heartless game she's laid out for us all.

"My Queen I really don't like what this sounds like"

>She's an oh so central figure and all yes, without her...contributions (the hint of anger returned briefly)... the Hive wouldn't have lived for such...mercy

She was still staring at lines of paper on her desk, not once looking up at her more and more concerned aide.

>Just....how hard would it be....to see her......

"Gwen..."

>Dead

"GWEN! ENOUGH!" The griffon shouted at her "Don't you think scheming and plotting got us here in the first place? That all she's ever done is for the satisfaction of seeing her helpers dead?! How is any more malicious thinking going to get us OUT of this?"

>...

"There are good, honest Changelings in that hive of hers, yeah, it's terrifying how they're forced to her will, to do her bidding and suffer for her own gain, but do you honestly think that KILLING her will help them?" Gilda glared at her, but still the Queen did not look up "They NEED her, otherwise without a Queen of their own, they're dead, that's it, their whole...m-m-modus operando or whatever is one central pillar of authority. And don't think like they can't change either....do you really think they can't change?"

>...No

"Well they can, y'know Shining Armour?, the poor unicorn who has had to put up with her and put down any threat she engenders? Yeah, that one, you know who I'm on about." Gilda strode up to the desk, till she was in breathing distance of her boss. "Well he has a daughter, an adopted one who was different from all the rest, who he loves more than ANYTHING I've ever seen"

>...

"So maybe, just maybe before you go into the whole 'plot, kill, plan, conspire' that leaders usually do, just think, do you really want to cause the slow death of a hundred changelings who could've changed, risk the wrath of two loving parents? All for revenge?"

>...

Gilda should've realised something was horribly wrong when all the Queen did was shuffle a single crumpled sheet of parchment to the fore of the pile, resting a single claw on a list of very...very small words.

>I don't blame you Gilda, you did all you could when you saw It rampaging to our homeland, and you...did valiantly.

"I...what? Where are you going with this"

>You never saw the full list of the dead, it wasn't just...trained soldiers...

"No.. Don't you-"

>When It, found it's direction or so, uncaringly turning around, there was a building in her path on that curve, who's occupants were...initially safe when It charged through, they weren't the second time however.

"Oh...so how many-"

>It was very new, really, just opened, I even gave it the full Royal Opening treatment, the rope, the scissors, the band....playing in...sotto voce of course...

"The....was it the- No it can't have been"

>They never figured out how many were dead, all there was after we got there was this.....mass....of broken flesh.....feathers...bones....right where It had stomped through...the counters just listed all of it's occupants... we guessed the carers didn't want the little ones to be.......afraid and....alone as It came nearer.

"..."

Gilda felt tears well in her eyes just as the header of the page began to blur away: Bronze Heart Nursery for Hatchlings

>I saw them....I helped lower their.....remains... we had to evenly spread the.....gore into coffins and nail them shut before bringing them out, nothing was identifiable of them.

Silence held in the room.

And then Gwen looked dead into Gildas eyes, and Gilda looked back, and there was no life in her stare

>Don't tell me to stop at the thought of dead children, Aide, because when I saw....I felt my soul...tear...and when she sees, or even hears.....She Laughs.

"..."

>She will pay...for every drop of blood....every shorn feather...every families tear...every Griffons pain. Because it is all she deserves. Pain.

"Please....don't"

>I will hear the laughter die in her throat, and I will feel her joy turn to cries in her maw, and she will know.... her debt...is paid

NON CANON
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