Joe Crypt Pitch 1 - Troll trouble

somewhere to sleep but suddenly just gets sleepy and collapses. Then you see a large purple foot that belong to a troll. Long hair, ugly nose, broken horn and bag full of sleep people. He notes how the homeless smells funny but someone would still pay for the meat, he hears someone behind him and sees what he thinks is another human but for some reason the fairy he has cage to his belt cant seem to put the human to sleep.
The humans ask what he doing and the troll figuring he'll just kill this one explains that he's just trying to make some money and the human explains he cant let him do that. Intrigued, the troll wants to play with the human and offers to let him to get free shot in before he crushes him. The human himself as Joe and then proceeds to deliver an uppercut so strong it literally send the troll airborne.
Joe then leaps up and in midair grabs the troll by its head and puts it in a headlock before sending them both down with a piledriver.
Joe celebrating picks up the fairy cage and breaks it.
"I'm free, thank you so much, I wont forget you bravery fine hero-" Joe grabs the fairy.
"Oh no, you think your getting out this that easy? The collar on your ankle means someone owns you and your going back to them"
"I would never-"
"And that you cant tell the truth because your got some magic bulllshit that keeps you from telling the truth."
"...No."
"Uh, well I still need you hear. Mostly to keep those people asleep."
"And what make you think I wont just fly off."
"Because according to my cous, fairies apparently taste like cinnamon and are addictive. Now he kept you because he probably rented you and I wont eat you because I dont need to eat. But no one outside this alley has that excuse."
"...I'll go keep them nice and rested."
"You do that, I'm going to go arrest your friend here."
The troll manages to pick himself up as Joe walks up to for round 2.
"Alright, you got a hit in. Good for you." He reaches into his other hidden bag. "Now its my turn." Joe waits for some trick as the troll pulls a large sharpened bone from a small bag and one sweep cuts off joe's head. Think he's won he watches as the slumps before bouncing right into the air and catching the before swinging it around by the hair and tosses right at the troll.
"Heads up frumpy."
Joe's decapted buts heads with the trolls, the impact strong enough to stagger the troll as Joe's body moves on its own and dropkicks the troll in the stomach.
Joe catches his head again and plops it right back onto his neck, with only one crack its attached back in place.
The troll meanwhile tumbles back into a brick wall the weigh of him being enough to make a hole in it. Luckly there on the old abandoned side of town so all there is a empty store.
Darker then it is outside and the windows boarded up the troll cant see anything in the dark but does here the sound of something.
He swings in the darkness and lets his eyes adjust so they can see in the dark. He feels a tap on his shoulder and swings around around again to only hit a broken mannequin and sees a dismembered hand waving back at him.
"Three strikes, your out." A voice whisper behind him as an arm wraps around his neck and clothesline him into ground.
Feeling weak he tries to get up but can only look up to see joe standing above him ontop of a large self.
"So you give up or you want me to body slam you?"
"Neither."
"Okay." Joe stads up and instead doing what he said simply kicks off the shelf and lets slam right into the trolls head. "I wanted to do that anyway."
Joe walks back outside dragging the troll by its foot with one hand and carrying the large bone sword with the other. Seeing a bunch of Gnomes and Nymphs already at working carrying the unconcious people to safety like an army of ants. While tiny gremlins were already repairing the wall the troll fell through.
"You guys got her fast."
A nymph flies to Joe.
"We wouldn't have too if you didn't make so much property damage."
"Hey buddy, we all got our jobs. You do clean up I do the punching. You guys still got that fairy?"
"Help get them off of me!" Joe drops the troll to see two gremlins trying to eat the fairy.
"Guys, c'mon get your dust fix somewhere else." The fairy is trying to fly but is dragged down by the gremling naughing on his legs, Not breaking the skin but tasting the dust that falls off of him.
Joe grabs the fairy and wrings the Gremlins off. "You heard me piss off and go fix something."
Watching the Disgruntle Gremlins crawl off and join their brothers and sisters on wall duty Joe walks back to the troll and sits on its fat nose.
"Okay so here's what we'll I need info on who keeps sending mythic pricks like this guy and why. Now you dont have to answer now, because I know you cant. Luckily for you my boss is also a witch and can break your little accessory. You just have to come with me."
"Well, I am ever so grateful rescueing me."
"Twice."
"Yes twice, I don't see how I a lowly little fairy could tell you anything. I'm not important or anything like that."
"Yeah good point." He gets up "Alright who wants dibs on the fairy?" The gremlin abandon their work and crowd around joe whose now dangling the fairy like a treat.
"AAAHA NOno no, OKay  I dont know anything but I am valuable and do need to be returned." The fairy looks to see a dozen sharp mouth drooling as they look up at him.
"Another great point, sorry guys, changed my mind." A collective series of boos followed as the gremlin dragged themselves back to the wall again.
"Thank again for your oh so kind gesture. But I have to ask how will you carry me if you holding the sword and troll?"
"I got an idea for that."
Cut the mansion door that has few knocks before being kicked open.
"Got the job done."
Joe announces seeing a familiar glaring look of his cousin who was sitting by the stairs waiting for him to get back, she closes her book on Necromancy and slams on the table with notable thud.
"Aw why so glum cous'? I saved some people, I punched a troll and even got us a lead on the human trafficker."
"And not only that you caused more damage which required another call to the clean up crew, which I didn't want to make but god forbid you go one night without breaking something."
"Oh this shit again." He tosses the troll to floor. "I did my job, the one you dragged my ass from the grave to do."
"No you were suppose to be the grave digger, but instead you got lucky and got this job and would you PLEASE get the troll off the carpet!" With annoyed groan Joe grabs the troll and throws it over his shoulder.
The both of them walk down the hall passing by large painting and gothic looking furniture.
"Debra, Be honest with me, you dont appreciate a thing I do, Do ya?." Now it was Debra's turn to groan at Joe's comment
"Do not start playing victim. There's a procedure to our job, you dont see me flailing harpies throug windows or punting Leprechauns into hydrants." Debra magically opened the door for both of them.
"Not my fault their so much fun to kick. And if it gets the job done why worry about it? We got people to clean, we got spells to cover our tracks and I havent been spotted by any in humans in about" He sounds on his free hand.
"Two weeks Joe."
"Really? Felt more like a month ago and that wasn't even my fault. You wrote it in the report, the Gargoyle was the one who tried to fly with the guy, I was just there to catch him. And he doesn't remember a thing." He tosses the troll on a large circle in the middle of a candle lit room.
"Yes. you did a good job, but you still got caught and the clean up is not something you call every night it is meant for extreme cases. Which you turn it into. And by the way, the reason why I complain about the last sighting was because you broke the witnesses arm"
"Because I had to grab something while he was falling."
The doors fly open to see a orange haired girl enter the room.
"Am I late!"
"Nope she's waiting for you."
"GASP! An norther Norwegian moutain troll! and OOOH he's purple! That means he's a noble!"
"Yeah he fought a like a rich kid."
With another wave of wrist Debra had a small circle hover above the troll.
"Seems like he's been away from home for too long he's completely out of magic, except for a strange reading i'm getting from his head. Is it an amulat or magic item? I cant quite make it out?"
"Aw shit, I almost forgot. Hey Kate could you reach up his nose?"
"Joe! Touching the nasal cavity of a troll is incredibly taboo."
"I mean I can do it if your don't wa-"
"Who said I didn't want too?" Without hesitation or gloves Kate stuck her hand all the way up to the elbow into the unconscious troll.
"She is way too into this." Joe commented.
"Just let her have her fun, its the only excitement she gets." They watch as Kate reach deeper and with an excited suprise pulls back to show a the fairy covered in mucus and gasping for air. Joe laughs as Debra smack him on the head.
"What in the 10 levels of hell is wrong with you? You don't detain a witness by storing him in the monster!" Before Joe can explain Kate makes an overly dramatic gasp.
"By Telsa, that was ingenius. You used the fairies natural sleeping dust to keep the monster from waking by pluggin his nose with the fair, making the troll perpetually asleep."
"See, Kate appreciates my work I do."
"And all you had to do was traumatize a fairy." Debra walked over as Kate wiped off the snot from the shaking fair.
"Oooh a Troll nose hair! Thats going right in the collection."  Kate tosses the fairy Deba who is the first set of hands that day to actually gently hold him.
"I am so sorry for everything you've had to go through tonight. I'll get the chain off right away and then we'll get you cleaned up alright."
"I need a warm bath and a cold shower." The fair murmured as he shook in Debra's hand.
"Of course." Her demeanor flipped like a switch when turn to joe. "Joseph."
"Deb'?"
"Keep an eye on the troll, the circle will keep him chained down until I send him and Kate finds out where we to send him too so he can face the proper judgement. I'm going to take care of the witness. Try and not make a mess while I'm gone." Debra walked out another door leaving Joe.
"Yes. boss, whatever you say cous', I'll be a good corpse and rot right in this chair." He heard a deep laughter and looked to the circle to see the troll staring back at him.
"So that what you are? Nothing but a witch's puppet on a short leash."
"Yeah and you got your ass beat by Pinocchio. But I'm going to guess you aren't gong to say who sent you to go collect those people?"
"I'm trapped in a warp circle that will likely send to the council to face judgements for crimes against humanity and thrown into tartarus for the rest of eternity. I have nothing to gain by keeping any secrets, but to bad for you. I know nothing."
Joe got up and walked over crouching down next to the pinned Troll.
"So you dont know why you stuffed a bunch humans in a bag, used a fairy to keep them asleep, got hired by someone to do it and then send them somewhere you dont even know what they'll do to them. So why do it?"
The troll contemplates for a moment before answering.
"I hate them. I hate humans with a passion. You see my broken horn? I was the son of a king who ruled might mountain hundreds of years ago. I was to be the next king. I was to be a ruler. But then a Human came and he challenged my father to a dual. In minutes I saw father beheaded before my very eyes and in return the human asked not for anything but the destruction of my home, he brought and tore it to the ground. Stole everything from us. And broke my horn just to mark me as a failure. Because there's no respect for a broken horn, its battle wound but a sign of defeat and to a human no less."
"Nice sob story, got to a point to it."
"Yes. I wasn't paid anything. I wasn't even promised anything to do my work. I paid for that fairy out of my own pocket."
"Wow you are powerfully bitter."
"And I should be!" The troll tried to break free but was pulled right back down. "They get to live up here. In building with families and lands so dense with so much to offer. While Mythics rot under bridges and caves. Hiding not because were afraid but because we dont want break out mythology. To show them monsters in their nightmares are all too real."
"Bud I've seen shit in gas station bathrooms scarier then you."
"You joke, its all you do isn't it. Complain and make light of it all. Because you know what you are. A servant." Joe got up and was looking a bit more serious now. "Thats right you work for them because you have too, you have no freedom no goal, not even a life of your own. I have not regrets for what I did, I'd do it again if I could and I had to freedom to do it. While you cant do anything without the master here to tell you how high to jump." Joe and walked away for a minute.
"Well, thats kind of true. But I am more free then you think."
"Oh really, how?"
Joe ran back over and kicked off the trolls other horn to the screaming trolls pain.
"See, No orders, that was all me."
"You stinking pile of rotting flesh, I hope the maggots shit on your bones as you-" He kicked him again knocking the troll out cold.
"Shaddup."
Debra and Kate came back moments later. Debra just getting done cleaning the fairy and they only hope Kat cleaned her hand. Debra stood on the platform facing the circle as Kate  sat outside beside her looking through a large book filled with notes and bookmarks.
"Alrighty were sending him toooooo Oakburg, thats port 32-b, vocation channel O." with the instructions given Joe and kate watch as whispered in forgotten tongue of dead ages as the circle began to glow, a white grew from it and danced around them and candles that littered the room and with one last word the mist was all sucked along with all the light as the troll disseapeared before them.
Kate then clapped her hands turning the light on in the room.
"I love when we teleport them, its so much more fun then throwing them in the sewer." Kate said picking up her book. "Also didn't the troll have only one broken horn?"
Debra remembered that too.
"Joe. did you see how many horns he had?" Joe thought for a second.
"I don't know, probably broke off when punched him through that wall." He laughed that just made Debra pinch her nose.
"Never mind, he's sent and the jobs done. Kate go report your finding and I'll send them off. I need to make some honey tea for this migraine."
"Okie dokie sista. Write it up lickity split." Kate ran off again to do something mad scientisty no doubt.
"I'm going to have the bone collected for later as evidence. And joe."
"Yeah?"
Debra dropped her demeanor if only a little and patted him on the shoulder.
"Despite your behaviour and wrecklessness, you did do a good job handling the troll. So thank you. Enjoy the rest of the night off." Debra walked off leaving Joe alone again, not sure how to react to actually getting a compliment.
He wondered out the mansion making note of the large building and then looking out over the expansive graveyard that surrounded it. And down below he saw the city he went out almost every night to protect, people never knowing what laid out at night and all the hours he spent suplexing monsters outside their windows.
It was better then his last job at least, if anything he liked this new life. No need to sleep, or eat, or do anything really. Being perpetually dead he could probably stand in one place until he was needed. But dead or alive. He could never stay still.
Joe leapt into the sky for a moment and landed by the mausoleums, the graveyard was old and big, not sure who built by they made sure there was enough room for everyone.
Climbing into one of them he walked down a darkened stairway that lead into a catacomb.
His eyes allowing him to see in the darkness wher he didn't need any kind light to find his way, he knew the tunnel well by this point.
He stopped at casket and moved it aside. pushing open a door, he flicked a switch and there was his home away from home. A couch, an old tv. And the wall litered with small trophies from almost everyone of his fights. Eyes in jars, tooths, horns, broken weapons and trinkets he pulled off whatever ugly mug he got to fight that night.
Plopping down on the couch he felt like he could relax after a long day. Even technically he didn't need to relax because he cant sleep. But it was nice to pretend. He lifted his shirt and reach into his own stomach, pulling out the horn he kicked off that troll. and his words echoed back at him.
"Yeah, I dont got much going for me." he reached into a mini fridge by the couch and pulled out a soda, he considered opening it normally, but also holding the horn decided instead to stab the can open with it. "But at least I got one more horn then he does."
End