Before the city walls

	“Generally, I see the visions that Asmodeus was sending me,” Cavria said disgustedly.  “Or the memories that he bound into the blood he made me from.”

	“Then perhaps the thing most helpful to you would be a magical alteration of your being,” Luanea said.  “I hesitate to say this, however.  Magic that would remove curses would have no effect on a part of your natural body.”

	“Yeah, I’m not going to hold my breath on that,” Cavria said glumly.  She glanced over at the rest of the group.  “I do… I mean, Axio helped, too,” she said awkwardly.

	“How?”

	“When we were in the Garden,” Cavria said.  “We talked.  We… kissed.  I felt healthier.  Then, I mean… Vorthane’s office, and the explosion…” she said.  Her voice trailed off.  “You remember.  I nearly died.”  She looked down again.  “It only got worse after that.  The visions from Asmodeus stopped, but the flashbacks got worse.”

	“Completely understandable.”  Luanea looked over at her.  “May I ask why you do not take your concerns up with Solen, or Axio, or his parents?  They are your clergy, and while I love you and I am happy to aid you, I do not know you as well as they.”

	Cavria sighed again.  “Solen is so busy… I don’t know Axio’s parents well at all.  And Axio…”  She blushed furiously.  “I… I liked kissing him.  I really liked it.  I feel like… I’m selfish,” she said.

	“Go on.”

	“I want to see if he’s willing to keep up… whatever was happening in the Garden, now that things are a little calmer,” Cavria finally said.  “Is that wrong?  I feel like I can’t burden him with all my problems, and also ask him to be intimate.”

	“Sharing all your problems is intimate by nature, Cavria,” Luanea said.  “But in this instance, I believe you may be correct.  Certainly, there are no barriers between those of us who choose to live in Eilistraee’s image; perhaps it would benefit you.”

	“I can’t risk having sex, though,” Cavria protested.

	“Why not?”

	“Because…”  That brought her up short.  “Because I can’t risk enjoying it.  It may trigger predatory instincts I can’t overcome.”

	“Why would those be any harder to overcome than any other?” Luanea reasoned.  “You’re a strong woman.”

	Cavria glared into the sky.  “Is that enough?  I was built to seduce people, then kill them.  If I had sex with somebody, I might lose control!”

	“I admit that I do not know enough about fiends to answer my own question here, but consider this,” Luanea replied.  “First, you have a soul, and therefore free will.  You may choose for yourself whether you obey an instinct you hate.  Second, if you fear addiction to sex, then ask why sex need be a part of intimacy.  Why proceed past kissing?”

	Cavria bared her teeth as anger bubbled up behind her melancholy.  “Because I shouldn’t be kept from good things!  I hate this!

	Luanea said nothing.

	“I hate that I don’t get to do normal things!  I hate that I’m mutating!” Cavria snarled.  “I hate that I can’t trust myself to have sex or... or…”

	“Or kiss a boy?” Luanea asked mildly.

	Cavria’s rage vanished.  She slowly moved one hand up to touch her lips.  “I… kissed…”

	“And when you kissed him, did it hurt him?  Were you filled with the desire to hurt others?” Luanea asked.

	The Succubus gaped at her friend in a mixture of mortal embarrassment and shock.  “I… that didn’t even occur to me!  I knew it wouldn’t kill him, but I didn’t even think…”

	Luanea smiled encouragingly.  “I think Axio is a good man, and you are a good woman.  I think you two could make each other more comfortable.”

	Cavria suppressed an excited thrill in her stomach as she thought it over.  That... did sound lovely.  “I guess... yeah, I guess so,” she said.  “Now I feel dumb for not putting things together.”

	Luanea smiled.  “No, sweetheart, you're not dumb.”

	“Well, thanks.”  Cavria ran a hand back through her black hair.  “So... how do I go about asking Axio to try to pick things up where we left off?”

	“Just like that.  It's Axio.  Extreme subtlety will fly over his head, but he's not stupid.  He'll be able to tell if you're trying too hard.  Really.  Just walk up and ask, gently.  As long as he can tell you've put thought into it, he'll understand.”

	His partner considered that.  “So... not right away?  Take my time?”

	“Neither of you are going anywhere,” Luanea said.  “Just don't overthink.  He's just as inexperienced as you.”

	“I guess so.”  Cavria was silent for a few more seconds, then leaned over and hugged her friend.  “Thanks, Luanea.”

	“Of course, my dear Cavria, and don't hesitate to come back if you need more help.  And you will.”  Luanea's colorful eyes met Cavria's.  “We've had one conversation.  That won't help fix all of the issues you've described.  This is step one towards overcoming a phobia; it won't help you sleep better or take less umbrage at your own body.  Please, come back when need me.”

	Cavria deflated a bit, but Luanea was right.  “Yes.  Yes, of course.  Thank you,” instinctively shifting into her more formal tone of voice from her education, rather than the casual tone she had used before.  “Yes.  I appreciate it.”  She hugged Luanea again.  “Okay.  I'll take first watch.”