I've purposely waited with sending this to you until I knew you were back home again from your trip. I don't remember your return date. But I wanna make sure that you got to enjoy the rest of your time in the US without me checking up on you.

I had a lenghty talk with Caite. While I heavily disagrees with what she did, I can understand why. I don't wanna make this a long pastebin. I don't really know how you feel about this. If you feel like its for the best or if you feel like me. But let me give you a shout on how I feel about it.

I woke up at like 4AM. I've been periodically waking up at night. Many times with you on my mind, even still. You had gone silent on me earlier in the day, I assumed you had just gone out and therefore lost wifi. I check my phone as I have a Discord notification, but its not from you. It was Caite telling me that she had taken our situation into her own hands and had you leave our discord and my personal one. I had also been blocked from contacting you via discord.

I know we've had a few talks about this. About how you felt maybe cutting would benefit us both. But here's how I feel about this. And I have had days to think about it and I am seeing it from an angle as objective as it will get under the circumstances.

First and foremost, I have no ill feelings towards Caite for what she did. The first thing I did upon reading the message, was to respond with "I fully realize you're doing this out of care for him and let me start by saying congrats on the wedding and how happy I am for you and Chris." And I genuinely mean it. She's done nothing out of ill intent, and I have no reason to hold any grudge.

But here's my take. My circle of friends are basically all affiliated with you. They will be talking about you. They will be posting your emotes everywhere I am. They will have the priviledge of being able to talk to you and have fun with you, and not get a cold shoulder when they see you in your stream. Me, on the other hand, I will be like an animal incased in a glass cage at a zoo. I'll be forced to look at you. There's nowhere in my cage I can hide from everything. A forced observer of events, and when I try to scream, it cannot be heard through the glass.

As a result of that, I do not see this as a fair solution to the problem. If we are to cut contact, it needs to be done naturally over time. This is not fair on me. And trust me, this is not to make everything about me again. I am genuinely worried about you. I think about how you feel a lot. I take your feelings into consideration with basically anything I do that you might take offense to. I want you to be able to persue things that make you happy. I want you to live your life. I will absolutely do what I can to help you. Our time online is not always pretty, but we have good times. With this arrangement, I am not getting the chance to fix some of my mistakes, I have been taken away my tools, I cannot even attempt to redeem myself.

So please, Tom, I am begging you right now, to respect the 3+ years of time where we've been as tight as we have. You've grown to be considered a part of the family to me. I will do anything for you, I will drop anything to come to your aid. What has happened here is not the way to end it.

I bet you, please, unblock me. I beg of you to follow me back on twitter. To join back into our Discord. Let me have the chance to be my good side. I am working on myself. I want to be better. I am getting better. I am doing what I can. But in my current state, I cannot live without you. Your ability to calm me down, your way with words, the way you can make me feel and make me see things from a different angle... It is simply unparalleled. Please don't leave me. Not yet.

I have written this as a guest and its visible to whomever might find the link. As a result I am not gonna put our discord link in here. Don't want potential randoms to find it and join. But please. Message me. I can't word how much you mean to me, and I do not want it to go down like this.


I love you



Meeko