1
00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:18,745
Gary?

2
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:20,705
Lucas?

3
00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:28,087
Lucas?

4
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,757
What are you doing out here?
Where is your stepfather?

5
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:38,807
That's it!

6
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,727
Time out, young man! Time out!

7
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:53,321
Gary! Jesus Christ.

8
00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:02,914
Oh, my God, Gary! Are you okay?
Say something. Please, say something.

9
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:07,544
I... want... a divorce!

10
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:40,326
Dude, I can't believe
you're moving in with her.

11
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,953
I know, man.

12
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:45,165
But I'm all crazy up in her shit.

13
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:46,666
There ain't nothin' I can do.

14
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,293
Shit, man.

15
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:49,544
That's for real.

16
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:06,269
You're moving in with her?

17
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:07,395
Yes, I am.

18
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:10,523
In fact, I am all crazy up in her shit.

19
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:14,235
Damn, homeboy, lock it down.

20
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:18,364
- Gary!
- Hey.

21
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:19,699
Hi.

22
00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:22,493
Baby, but you're here. You're late.

23
00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,495
I got worried that you got killed somehow.

24
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:25,830
Nope, I'm still alive.

25
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,999
Yo, yo, bad boy!

26
00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:30,043
-Where you want this?
-What's up, Dwayne?

27
00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:32,128
-You guys can put that in the garage.
-Got it.

28
00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:33,504
Thanks. Thanks, guys.

29
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,174
-Made some friends, huh?
-Yeah, those guys are great.

30
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:37,217
Hey, where's Lucas?

31
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,886
I got him a little somethin',
wanna grease the wheels a bit.

32
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:43,014
You don't have to grease his wheels.
He is gonna love you for you.

33
00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:44,766
Yeah, yeah, no, I know that.

34
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:48,519
-So... where is he?
-He's over on the swing.

35
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,939
Aw, there's my little buddy.

36
00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:58,863
Y-You don't think the wedding
was too traumatic for him, do you?

37
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,574
Well, it was awful.

38
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:05,870
The famous Jubilee Downhill Derby's
coming up

39
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,248
and I thought Lucas and I
could make our own cart.

40
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,457
What?

41
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:10,875
Gary, this is amazing!

42
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,878
Yeah, I always wished my dad was around
to do this race with me.

43
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:17,173
Just a father and son shooting down
the mountain as fast as we can,

44
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,675
no engine, no brakes.

45
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,760
You two are gonna have so much fun.

46
00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,303
Isn't that right, Lucas?

47
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:26,224
-Come here. Come see what Gary got you.
-Hey, buddy. Here. Check this out.

48
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:29,394
We can paint something really cool
on the side, like a flame.

49
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:33,815
Whoa, look at that.
You found some earthworms.

50
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:35,275
That's cool.

51
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:41,072
You know what those are good for
is fishing.

52
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:42,323
We can, uh--

53
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,661
Don't get discouraged.

54
00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:49,455
It's just gonna take him
a little more time, that's all.

55
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,375
You know, Lucas is very... particular.

56
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,795
-No, I know he is. I love that about him.
-Yeah.

57
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:59,257
You know, I'm sorry
I didn't let you get to know him more.

58
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:01,551
I just-- I really wanted to be sure.

59
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,678
Well, you can be sure now.

60
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:06,889
- Gosh.
- What? What?

61
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,142
I just--

62
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:11,477
This is what I always wanted, you know?

63
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,354
A family. A real family.

64
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,564
Me too.

65
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,858
I swear,
I feel like the luckiest man alive.

66
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:18,109
Shh.

67
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:21,112
Don't say that. All right? It's not luck.

68
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:22,905
You're the one.

69
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:25,325
Come here.

70
00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:31,331
The ice caps are melting.
The seas are rising.

71
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:34,208
This past year,
there's been a spike in global temperature

72
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,169
that even scientists cannot explain.

73
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,337
Some people believe
the prophecy of the end

74
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,048
is becoming all too real,

75
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,674
and the end times could be near.

76
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,427
Hope you like chocolate chip pancakes
with smiley faces.

77
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:47,555
...tell us how the end will come.
Reverend Gospel, thanks for coming.

78
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:48,765
Thank you for having me.

79
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:52,226
Hey, Gary,
um, I'm meeting with a C-L-O-W-N today,

80
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:56,189
and I was hoping that maybe
you could take Lucas to school.

81
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:57,982
You're meeting with a clown?

82
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,151
Gary, I don't want him to know.

83
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:02,361
Oh, for Lucas' birthday?

84
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,198
-Sorry. Got it.
-Tell us about your prediction.

85
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:06,115
Sure, Russ.

86
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,700
We've made some calculations

87
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,244
and we are now quite certain
that the end will come

88
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,747
at six p.m. on the sixth of June.

89
00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:15,958
-What are you watching?
-Uh, that's the morning news.

90
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:20,338
Ratings must really be in the, uh,
S-H-I-T-T-E-R.

91
00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:22,423
The shitter. Sorry.

92
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,966
The beginning of the end.

93
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:36,020
Hey, you don't have to call me Dad
if you don't want to, you know.

94
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,107
You can call me, uh... Gary.

95
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,150
Awesome Gary.

96
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,611
Super-Gar. Whatever. No presh.

97
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:50,701
Oh, and if you want
to sign up for baseball,

98
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,955
like, I'd totally be your coach,
or whatever.

99
00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:58,084
If you're-- I mean, I was a pretty serious
baseball player when I was a kid.

100
00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:02,380
So, if you just want
to toss the old ball around,

101
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,549
anytime, I'm-- I'm in.

102
00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:14,517
- This is Gary.
- Hi, Gary.

103
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,519
This is your wedding videographer Karl.

104
00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,604
Karl. Hi. Yes.
I've been meaning to call you.

105
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:21,399
No, I figured you guys
needed some time after everything.

106
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:25,987
Listen, Samantha and I really appreciate
you doing everything you did

107
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:28,364
under the conditions and all, but, uh...

108
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,242
I think we're gonna have to pass
on the video.

109
00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:33,536
I really think that you need
to see something.

110
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:37,707
We both decided it's better to move on.
So, if you could destroy the tapes...

111
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,376
Mr. Bloom,
there's something very unusual--

112
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,961
We know it's unusual, Karl,

113
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,672
but we're gonna keep our eyes
on the road ahead,

114
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,674
not dwell on the past, all right?

115
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:49,302
-I think you need to-- Mr. Bloom--
-Thanks for the call.

116
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,679
All right.

117
00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:53,431
Here we are.

118
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,183
You want me to walk you in?

119
00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:00,188
Good talking to you, buddy!

120
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,318
Shit, man. Hey, bro.

121
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:06,736
-Hey, Al.
-What's up?

122
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,946
I heard about the wedding, man.
That sucks.

123
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,449
It sounds horrible.
I'm so glad I didn't come.

124
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:13,201
Hey, thanks for your gift, though.

125
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:16,454
We were really hoping for
a ceramic Woody Woodpecker statuette.

126
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,039
-You like that thing?
-Oh, yeah.

127
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,165
Oh, that means a lot.

128
00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,667
It's got some serious
sentimental value, bro.

129
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:25,421
You know, I smuggled a half kilo
of Oaxacan sensimilla in that thing.

130
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,632
Wow. That's, uh... ambitious.

131
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,926
I smoked it all in, like, three weeks,
too, man.

132
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,553
I hear you joined the ranks.

133
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,388
The, um... I'm sorry?

134
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:38,392
Yeah, you're a stepdad now, man.
Sucks, bro. Welcome to the club.

135
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,977
Oh, you're a step--

136
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,437
-Dad.
-Dad?

137
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,813
-Yeah, man.
-Right.

138
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,316
I'm in therapy, too. Big time.

139
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,443
You could come if you want.
It's a group thing.

140
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,028
-It's chill.
-Come with you to...

141
00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:50,863
-your therapy?
-Therapy. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

142
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,240
No, I really don't want to.

143
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:55,493
Okay, man. Suit yourself.
Whatever feels good.

144
00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:56,577
What you workin' on?

145
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:58,287
-Oh, nothin'.
-Oh, you got a mark?

146
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,582
Well, it's not a mark exactly.
It's a client.

147
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,460
Somebody wants to buy
that freaky old nunnery, man?

148
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,503
No way!

149
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,422
You think they're gonna make it
into a sex dungeon or something?

150
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:09,549
-A sex dungeon?
-Mm-hmm.

151
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,469
-This is Gary.
-Give it to me, you dirty little nun.

152
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,055
-Wow, that was fast.
-Give it to me, you dirty little nun.

153
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,474
-Yeah, it's still available. Today?
-What's up, man?

154
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,476
-Pay that rent!
-That's great.

155
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,853
-I will see you there. Thanks.
-Pay that rent! Pay it!

156
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,657
Sorry I'm late.

157
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:37,952
I'm Gary Bloom.

158
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:41,080
You are forgiven. I'm Reverend JD Gospel.

159
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:44,083
Yeah, from, uh, from TV.
I just saw you this morning.

160
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,460
Oh, yes.
The press does love their doom and gloom.

161
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:49,255
Good point.
Shall we have a look inside?

162
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:50,673
Please.

163
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,633
One sec here.

164
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:58,973
There's plenty of room.
Do you have a large family, Mr. Gospel?

165
00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:01,434
Yes. Yes, I do.

166
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:04,353
Well, uh, they kick off their shoes here,

167
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,481
and I'm sure they'll enjoy
the fifteen extra rooms.

168
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:08,524
There's a chapel.

169
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,861
There's a basement that can be turned
into a game room or a man-cave.

170
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:16,324
I just love the smell
of an old-fashioned nunnery. Don't you?

171
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:20,119
Yeah.

172
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,121
May I see the chapel?

173
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,081
Sure. Yeah. Right this way.

174
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:27,376
Yeah, I mean, as you can see,
it's a bit of a fixer-upper,

175
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,712
but you know, with the right touch...

176
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:30,796
Oh...

177
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:41,807
Oh...

178
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:44,894
What is your best offer?

179
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,730
The best offer?

180
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:48,731
Mm-hmm.

181
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:50,691
Just, you know...

182
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,027
There's another couple
who's very interested.

183
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,904
You're kidding me? Who?

184
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,573
This very wealthy couple.
Just, like, dot-com money.

185
00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,076
Always wanted to retire in a nunnery.
Same old story.

186
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,370
-I shouldn't even be showing it to you.
-I'll beat their price.

187
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,414
Whatever they're offering,
I'll offer more.

188
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,332
Really?

189
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:09,126
The end is coming, Gary.

190
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:13,089
Blood will rain,
and crows will darken the sky,

191
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,049
the oceans will boil over.

192
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,719
Money truly is no object.

193
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,347
Well, that's fantastic.

194
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:25,142
I mean, not the blood boiling
and the sky and stuff,

195
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,144
but that you want to buy it.

196
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:30,147
That's-- I'm sorry. Uh, just one second.

197
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,565
Hey, hon.

198
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:33,859
What kind of trouble?

199
00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:36,987
Oh, poor little buddy.

200
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:39,490
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can make it down there right now.

201
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,701
Okay. Yeah, yeah. Love you, too.

202
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,746
Sorry. My stepson got into
a little trouble at school,

203
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,581
probably just throwing spitballs.

204
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,709
Ah, the Lord will never give you
more than you can handle.

205
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,545
-Got it.
-So, it's a deal then?

206
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,965
Yeah, absolutely. We have a deal.

207
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,104
Hi. Um...

208
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,398
I'm here to pick up my stepson.

209
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:25,077
Lucas? Are you okay?

210
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:26,370
What happened?

211
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,833
You're Lucas' father?

212
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:33,377
Yeah. Or, I mean, I'm his stepfather.

213
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:34,962
Please come in.

214
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:37,631
It's okay, buddy.

215
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:43,012
-Have a seat, Mr...
-Uh, you can call me Gary.

216
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,931
Uh, Mr. Gary, I'm Principal Chandler,

217
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:49,477
and this is school psychiatrist,
Dr. Farrow.

218
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:51,770
Okay.

219
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,063
Mm-hmm.

220
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:57,193
How long have you been
the child's stepfather?

221
00:12:57,276 --> 00:13:00,654
Well, his mother and I
just recently got married.

222
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:01,989
Mm-hmm.

223
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:06,327
Mr. Gary, have you noticed
any odd behavior from Lucas?

224
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:10,623
No. I mean, he's been a little withdrawn
since the wedding.

225
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:11,832
Mm-hmm.

226
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,668
I'm sorry.
W-Why do you keep "mm-hmm-ing"?

227
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,006
Mr. Gary, do you believe
in corporal punishment?

228
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:21,133
No.

229
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,802
Were you neglected as a child?

230
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,303
No.

231
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,222
Not entirely.

232
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,432
M-Maybe a little.

233
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:31,143
What was your relationship
with your own father?

234
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:34,939
-I didn't know my father.
-I see.

235
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:38,150
Do you mind telling me
what this is all about? What did Lucas do?

236
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:41,529
I'm afraid he spoke out of turn in class.

237
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,781
Well, this is quite the response.

238
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:47,493
He told his science teacher Mrs. Deeter
to go to hell.

239
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:50,412
Oh. Okay. Well, yeah, that is pretty bad.

240
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,540
Then she poured lye on her face

241
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:54,959
and hucked herself out
of a third story window.

242
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,628
Speared herself on the fence outside.

243
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:10,057
Now, we're not blaming Lucas,

244
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,560
but we've gone through his file,

245
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:17,356
and he seems to have a habit
of pushing people over the edge.

246
00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:19,108
We're gonna have to suspend him
for a week.

247
00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:22,152
-Are you sure that's necessary?
-I'm afraid so.

248
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,405
And we want him to see a counselor.

249
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:27,283
I'm gonna recommend group therapy
for you as well.

250
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:31,161
Somewhere where you can work out
some of your own father issues.

251
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,497
Honestly, I don't have any father issues.

252
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,249
You can work that out in group.

253
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:43,549
Oh, my God.

254
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:49,763
That's terrible.

255
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,684
I know. It's really tragic.

256
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:56,145
The way they're paying teachers,
I'm really not surprised.

257
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:58,731
I just can't imagine
what she must have been going through.

258
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,232
Shoot. I just--

259
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:03,319
I was hoping that Lucas would make
some new friends in this school,

260
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,195
and now nobody's gonna come
to his birthday party.

261
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,698
I'm not sure that should be
your biggest concern, hon.

262
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:10,618
I met with a clown today, Gary. A clown.

263
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,870
Do you know how hard it is
to have a conversation

264
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:15,080
with a fully-grown man in a clown suit?

265
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:17,958
Okay. I'm sorry, I forgot about that.
How did that go?

266
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,586
Terribly. He's double-booked on Saturday,
and he can't do it.

267
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:24,506
It doesn't matter now.
I'll just call his birthday off.

268
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,216
I'm sure people will still come.

269
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,678
And I can help you find another clown
if it means that much.

270
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,306
It's not fair
that they singled out Lucas.

271
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:35,809
If she's that fragile,
then she shouldn't be teaching, right?

272
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,395
-Did you tell them that?
-No, I tried, but--

273
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:42,608
They were really focused on the fact that
I'm sort of a new figure in the house,

274
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,693
and they were acting like it was my fault.

275
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,528
They were?

276
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:50,199
Yeah, and they want me to see a therapist.
Isn't that weird?

277
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,160
What, you think I should?

278
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:55,245
I just-- I mean...

279
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:59,041
you're not exactly having the easiest time
communicating with him.

280
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,210
But this isn't about me, Sam.

281
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:04,505
This is about Lucas.
What if there's something wrong with him?

282
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,840
There is nothing wrong with Lucas!

283
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:11,011
Damn it! Why is everything
always blamed on the child?

284
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,605
Hey, honey.

285
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,108
I am sorry.

286
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:28,904
It's just not fair, you know.
I mean, he's already been through so much.

287
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:31,824
He's a good kid, Gary.

288
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,785
He just--
He needs a positive male role model.

289
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:38,288
And every time I think
I found the perfect guy...

290
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,462
he winds up turning against him
and going crazy or...

291
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,675
dying in a horrible mulching accident.

292
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,594
What? Hey. Hey, come here.

293
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,681
I am so sorry, honey. I didn't know that.

294
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:59,268
He just-- He can't deal
with any more rejection, Gary.

295
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:03,564
All right?
You... you have to be on his side.

296
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,774
-I am on his side.
-You're just saying that.

297
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:06,942
I'm not.

298
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,236
Sam, I love you.

299
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:11,530
Okay? And I didn't just make
a commitment to you.

300
00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:12,948
I made a commitment to him.

301
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:15,451
Do you understand?

302
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,246
Now, I'm gonna go up there
and have a heart-to-heart with him.

303
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:22,082
-I'm gonna turn this into a bonding thing.
-Okay.

304
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:25,335
Okay.

305
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:28,422
Hey, Gary?

306
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,051
You're gonna be a great dad.

307
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,435
Oh, shit.

308
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,444
Hey, Lucas? Can I come in?

309
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,490
Hey, pal. How are you feeling?

310
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,791
Is the cable out, or...?

311
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,753
Well, TV sucks anyway.

312
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:11,131
It's kinda cool to just use
your imagination, right?

313
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,807
Okay, um...

314
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:27,189
Listen, Lucas, I'm sure it seems like
we've been moving really fast,

315
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,109
but I'm your stepfather now--

316
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,820
Get out!

317
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,905
Yeah, okay. We'll just talk later.

318
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,240
Or whenever you want.

319
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:37,825
Okay?

320
00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:45,791
How'd it go?

321
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:50,003
Oh. Uh, he just told me he wanted some
alone time through his, uh...

322
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,171
goat puppet.

323
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,340
Oh, yeah. That's his friend Reeroy.

324
00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,717
- Reeroy.
- He loves playing with him.

325
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:56,885
Good.

326
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,848
I'll just let him have
a little Reeroy time then

327
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,516
and check in with him later.

328
00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:03,600
Okay.

329
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:08,856
You know what pisses me off?

330
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,900
Kids nowadays, they don't even know
what's rad when they see it now.

331
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,318
When I was that age,

332
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:17,531
all I wanted was a '72 Chevrolet,
El Camino Monster Truck,

333
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:20,325
mounted on top
of some 66-inch Goodyear tires...

334
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,703
with an alcohol fuel injected
turbo engine.

335
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:24,079
-Preach.
-Yep.

336
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,957
And now that I got one,
I got a stepkid,

337
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,126
and all he wants to do
is watch Pitch Perfect.

338
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:31,879
Pitch Perfect One,
Pitch Perfect Two, Pitch Perfect Three.

339
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:32,796
-Shit.
-Yeah.

340
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,798
"Jam" me man. Let's put on some Rush.

341
00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:37,759
Put your hand on a speaker, your hand
on your heart, see if you feel something.

342
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,428
I said, "What are you feeling?"

343
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:40,512
He said, "Nothing."

344
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,516
I said, "That's America."
He didn't get it.

345
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,853
So, that's kind of where I'm at right now.

346
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,646
Thank you for sharing, Al.

347
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,064
-Good job.
-Nice work.

348
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:55,235
Okay, we've got a new guy.
Everybody, please welcome Gary.

349
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:56,778
-Hi, Jerry.
-All right, Gary.

350
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,572
-Welcome, man.
-Let's go, Gar!

351
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,201
Gary, can you share a little about
what you're going through?

352
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:05,245
Oh. Uh, no, thank you.
I'm just here to watch.

353
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,497
No, you're not here to watch.

354
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,958
-You're here to participate.
-This is a safe space, bro.

355
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,794
- Okay, all right.
- You got this, man.

356
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,379
Okay, um...

357
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:17,466
Well, my wife and I
just recently got married.

358
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:20,260
And you know,
I'm having a little tiny bit of trouble

359
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:22,387
bonding with my new stepson Lucas.

360
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:23,722
And how old is he?

361
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:25,265
He's about to turn six.

362
00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:28,018
Yeah, we're actually having a party
for him on Saturday.

363
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,770
His real birthday's next Wednesday.

364
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:32,189
Ah, that's a great age.
He's still very malleable.

365
00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:34,358
And how is it with his mother?

366
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:36,068
Oh, uh, it's going great there.

367
00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:38,904
I mean, she's just amazing
in so many ways.

368
00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:39,905
Blowjobs.

369
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:45,160
But the fact that you don't get along
with her son

370
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,995
is putting a strain on the marriage?

371
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,623
No. Not really.

372
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:53,627
It will.
The mom's always gonna side with the son.

373
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,296
Can you tell us a little more about Lucas?

374
00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:58,465
Well, um...

375
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:01,927
He never really looks me in the eye.

376
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:04,429
Doesn't talk much,

377
00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:07,307
uh, except when he tells his teachers
to go to hell

378
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:11,979
or yells at me to get out
of his room using this, uh...

379
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:14,398
weird little goat puppet thing.

380
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,568
And I-I just--
I get this sense that he's...

381
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:20,070
That he's evil incarnate?

382
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:23,615
Yeah.

383
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:27,244
Well, you're lucky, man.
I got girls. Twins.

384
00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:30,247
And they wake up every morning
literally plotting ways to torture me.

385
00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:35,043
This morning, they replaced my toothpaste
with my wife's Vagisil.

386
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,086
-Really?
-Yeah.

387
00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:37,921
Vagisil. That ain't shit.

388
00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:42,384
Yesterday, my stepson asked me
when I was gonna die.

389
00:21:43,051 --> 00:21:45,512
I told him,
"Listen, I don't know that. I...

390
00:21:45,595 --> 00:21:47,264
That's up to God."

391
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:50,350
He said, "Well, when God does take you,
can I have your van?"

392
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,436
He's five.

393
00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:54,980
-Well, at least he likes trucks.
-Fuck that, dude.

394
00:21:55,063 --> 00:21:56,773
-Jeremy pissed on my khakis.
-My kid's worse.

395
00:21:56,857 --> 00:21:58,525
My son shit in my sock drawer!

396
00:21:59,192 --> 00:22:01,403
-I stand corrected.
-It's the top drawer.

397
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:04,197
So, he blamed it on the cat,

398
00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:08,660
but I know it wasn't the cat
because there were Jujubes in the shit,

399
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,787
after I looked in it.
You want to talk about malleable?

400
00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:16,460
And that means that he crawled up
onto the fucking dresser,

401
00:22:16,543 --> 00:22:20,422
turned around, grabbed onto the mirror,
and then fucking opened the top drawer,

402
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:22,591
and then shit into the top drawer.

403
00:22:23,091 --> 00:22:26,928
In the mirror, he was looking at himself
knowing what he was doing,

404
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,597
shitting in my sock drawer.

405
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,059
And if you think I won't shit
in his backpack now,

406
00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,101
you got another thing coming.

407
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:34,644
-Wayne.
-I have it in the trunk.

408
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:36,521
I'm not saying we all have to do it,
but...

409
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:39,566
-I'm gonna pencil you in for twice a week.
-Thanks.

410
00:22:39,649 --> 00:22:41,234
And as for you, Gary,

411
00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:43,403
birthdays are a very special time
for kids.

412
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:47,824
If you step up on this, it could be
a great breakthrough for both of you.

413
00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:08,095
-Oh.
-How we doing there?

414
00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:10,764
Honestly, it's like Lord of the Flies.
It's really cool.

415
00:23:10,847 --> 00:23:11,932
-Everybody good?
-Hey.

416
00:23:12,015 --> 00:23:13,809
Great? Good? Okay.

417
00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:15,894
-Honey, this is amazing.
-Yeah?

418
00:23:15,977 --> 00:23:18,605
-Thank you so much for helping out.
-Yeah.

419
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:21,191
-Where did you find the clown?
-I have my connections.

420
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:24,319
Hey, do you think Lucas
is enjoying himself?

421
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:26,822
-Yeah.
-Yeah?

422
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:28,031
Yeah, of course he is.

423
00:23:28,698 --> 00:23:30,200
Oh, hey, Gar Bear, think fast!

424
00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:32,702
-Hey, Al.
-Nice catch, buddy.

425
00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:33,995
Thanks.

426
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:36,915
-This is a great party you got going here.
-Thank you.

427
00:23:36,998 --> 00:23:38,500
Do you guys know my wife Wendy?

428
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:39,793
-Hi.
-Hi, nice to meet you.

429
00:23:39,876 --> 00:23:42,087
-You, too.
-I'm Samantha, this is Gary.

430
00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:44,464
-And is that your boy Lucas?
-Yeah.

431
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:46,049
-Birthday boy.
-He's so cute.

432
00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,884
- Thanks.
- You want another drink?

433
00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:50,262
I make a killer Mantini, bro.

434
00:23:50,345 --> 00:23:52,180
Come on! Let's go get gross.

435
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:53,348
-Okay.
-Go, have fun.

436
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,893
-Cheers. Mm-hmm.
-We're doin' it.

437
00:23:57,727 --> 00:24:00,480
-Ah.
-His real dad is a total fucking loser.

438
00:24:00,564 --> 00:24:04,776
Sits at home all day long, smoking pot
just to keep himself from freaking out.

439
00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:07,237
That's no way to raise a kid.
You gotta stay sharp.

440
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,990
We gotta be ready at a moment's call.
You never know what's gonna happen.

441
00:24:10,073 --> 00:24:12,576
-We're kinda like first responders.
-That's real.

442
00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:15,036
Here's to getting hammered
and staying sharp.

443
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:16,830
-All right.
-Cheers, brothers.

444
00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:21,626
Dude, where did you find this clown?

445
00:24:22,627 --> 00:24:25,714
- Your clown's kinda blowing it, bro.
- Oh, he was supposed to be good.

446
00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:28,842
So what's up with Lucas' real dad?
You have to deal with him much?

447
00:24:28,925 --> 00:24:31,678
No, actually, Samantha doesn't even like
talking about him.

448
00:24:31,761 --> 00:24:35,515
Consider yourself lucky. I hate
taking the kids to their real dad's house.

449
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:39,311
They come home with stories like,
"Oh, my God, he's so awesome.

450
00:24:39,394 --> 00:24:42,397
He let us play Minecraft for, like,
17 hours straight!"

451
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,441
Then I got to deal
with their rage, you know?

452
00:24:44,524 --> 00:24:46,818
If I were you, I'd find out about
the kid's dad,

453
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:50,030
because that DNA stuff
can be really wicked.

454
00:24:50,113 --> 00:24:52,157
You gotta find out
if he's got DNA, dude.

455
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,868
-No, we all have DNA, guys, so...
-I'm not sure we do.

456
00:24:54,951 --> 00:24:57,329
- I thought it was VNA--
- No, DNA.

457
00:24:57,412 --> 00:24:59,873
- I guess--
- It's your genes.

458
00:24:59,956 --> 00:25:02,083
- The kid has it.
- He's definitely got it.

459
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:04,211
No, it's not a disease.

460
00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:07,255
- It's actually-- no, we all have DNA.
- You don't want it--

461
00:25:07,797 --> 00:25:08,965
I do?

462
00:25:12,344 --> 00:25:15,096
Never mind. That clown is fucking awesome!

463
00:25:18,558 --> 00:25:21,228
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Oh.

464
00:25:21,311 --> 00:25:22,771
Oh, shit.

465
00:25:22,854 --> 00:25:23,939
Oh.

466
00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:27,234
-It couldn't have worked out better.
-Yeah. Is that part of his act?

467
00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:28,443
That's not safe.

468
00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,489
I am so, so sorry about all this.

469
00:25:32,572 --> 00:25:34,950
You know what?
Here's a little something extra for you.

470
00:25:36,076 --> 00:25:37,452
I am so sorry.

471
00:25:38,286 --> 00:25:39,579
The child...

472
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:41,748
he did this to me.

473
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,084
He made me do it.

474
00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:45,961
He made me!

475
00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:56,388
Tammy, Wanda, come on!

476
00:25:57,681 --> 00:26:00,600
Hey, Gar. Great party.
Thanks for raising the bar.

477
00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:03,853
Now all the kids are gonna want
a burning clown for their birthday.

478
00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:11,528
- Yeah, who's there?
- Oh, hi, it's Gary Bloom from the wedding.

479
00:26:11,611 --> 00:26:12,529
Did you come alone?

480
00:26:13,613 --> 00:26:15,865
-Yeah, I came alone.
-Were you followed?

481
00:26:17,659 --> 00:26:18,493
No.

482
00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:19,786
Come on up. Third floor.

483
00:26:39,806 --> 00:26:40,807
Hello?

484
00:26:43,351 --> 00:26:44,477
Hello?

485
00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:47,939
Karl?

486
00:26:53,653 --> 00:26:54,779
Hello?

487
00:26:58,491 --> 00:27:00,702
Huh. Oh, my...

488
00:27:00,785 --> 00:27:04,122
Gary, thank you for coming.
I need you to see this.

489
00:27:08,585 --> 00:27:10,462
Check out this shot right here.

490
00:27:12,172 --> 00:27:13,214
It's amazing, right?

491
00:27:13,882 --> 00:27:16,634
The way the sunlight bangs up
against the lens like that.

492
00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:21,306
Yeah. Sorry. W-Why is the camera, like,
swinging all over the place?

493
00:27:21,389 --> 00:27:24,559
Were you not able to afford a tripod
with the money we gave you?

494
00:27:24,642 --> 00:27:25,977
A tripod?

495
00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:27,228
Yeah.

496
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:31,441
Well, let me ask you something.
Did, uh, Scorsese ever use a tripod?

497
00:27:32,567 --> 00:27:34,819
Fellini? Cassavetes?

498
00:27:34,903 --> 00:27:38,073
I don't know. This isn't Goodfellas,
this is our wedding video.

499
00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:40,116
Jeez. Thank you very much, Leonard Maltin,

500
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,119
your review will be taken
into very serious consideration.

501
00:27:43,203 --> 00:27:45,038
I gotta ask you something.

502
00:27:45,121 --> 00:27:49,668
Did your film win "Best Short Doc"
at the Orinda Film Festival last year?

503
00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:50,919
-My--
-Did it?

504
00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:53,421
-No.
-Because mine did.

505
00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:55,632
-Okay.
-That's correct.

506
00:27:55,715 --> 00:27:58,259
Anyway, I think we have
bigger fish to fry here

507
00:27:58,343 --> 00:28:01,763
than your apparent lack of knowledge
about cinema.

508
00:28:02,138 --> 00:28:04,474
-Don't you?
-Sure.

509
00:28:04,557 --> 00:28:07,769
See, I thought that it was strange
when the preacher at your wedding

510
00:28:07,852 --> 00:28:09,229
started speaking in tongues.

511
00:28:09,312 --> 00:28:10,688
Oh, sorry, no. That was Latin.

512
00:28:10,772 --> 00:28:12,524
No, no, no. I thought it was Latin, too,

513
00:28:12,607 --> 00:28:15,026
because I have a keen ear for language
as a filmmaker,

514
00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:18,446
but I put those words
into Google Translations, and nothing.

515
00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:19,447
What?

516
00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:22,617
No known language. And that's Google, man.

517
00:28:23,535 --> 00:28:26,413
You have to listen.
Listen carefully. Open your ears.

518
00:28:26,496 --> 00:28:27,747
It does not sound like Latin.

519
00:28:31,334 --> 00:28:32,877
So, I slowed down the footage.

520
00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:36,131
And I played it in reverse.

521
00:28:36,214 --> 00:28:39,342
Do you vow to protect the child

522
00:28:39,426 --> 00:28:43,263
- come hellfire or brimstone?

523
00:28:45,515 --> 00:28:48,393
Okay, why are you playing
my wedding video in reverse?

524
00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:53,398
I think the more important question here
is why is the preacher at your wedding

525
00:28:53,481 --> 00:28:57,318
asking you to vow
to protect the child in reverse?

526
00:28:57,402 --> 00:28:58,903
Yeah, that's a little odd, too.

527
00:28:58,987 --> 00:29:00,613
You bet your ass it's odd.

528
00:29:01,614 --> 00:29:05,535
When the tornado struck at your wedding,
I thought that was really rotten luck,

529
00:29:05,618 --> 00:29:07,746
but the more I thought about it,
the more I realized,

530
00:29:07,829 --> 00:29:09,831
it wasn't chance that ruined your wedding.

531
00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:15,712
-It was Satan.
-Okay, um, I think I'm gonna get--

532
00:29:15,795 --> 00:29:18,798
No, no, no, no! Gary, hold on!
Wait! Wait! Just watch, watch this!

533
00:29:19,090 --> 00:29:20,008
Watch, watch.

534
00:29:20,633 --> 00:29:22,385
Run! Run for your lives!

535
00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:25,305
Oh, my God, Uncle Scott.
I didn't even know he made it.

536
00:29:28,266 --> 00:29:29,392
Oh.

537
00:29:29,476 --> 00:29:30,935
No, no, pay him no mind.

538
00:29:31,603 --> 00:29:35,523
What you need to be paying attention to
is right there in the background.

539
00:29:36,399 --> 00:29:40,862
Those winds were hitting
at 150 miles per hour,

540
00:29:42,238 --> 00:29:45,909
yet not one hair on his head is moving.

541
00:29:47,869 --> 00:29:48,953
Why?

542
00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:54,167
He's wearing a lot of hair gel?

543
00:29:54,250 --> 00:29:59,964
There's a barn being ripped to shreds
directly behind him in frame,

544
00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:02,175
and look at him.

545
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:04,969
That is not normal.

546
00:30:06,596 --> 00:30:08,640
Does that seem normal to you?

547
00:30:10,225 --> 00:30:11,976
I did some research,

548
00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:14,813
because I fucking love researching things.

549
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:20,360
Here it is.

550
00:30:21,027 --> 00:30:26,282
There is a religious group,
or a doomsday cult, what have you.

551
00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:30,119
They believe
a child will rise up from hell,

552
00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:33,915
to rule mankind, and to bring on
the end of the world as we know it.

553
00:30:35,708 --> 00:30:37,210
I think we found that child.

554
00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:42,549
He has risen from the bowels of hell.

555
00:30:43,925 --> 00:30:44,759
And now...

556
00:30:46,553 --> 00:30:48,054
you're his stepdad.

557
00:30:51,057 --> 00:30:51,891
You...

558
00:30:52,851 --> 00:30:53,726
I know.

559
00:30:53,810 --> 00:30:55,520
You need to...

560
00:30:57,021 --> 00:30:58,565
...to use your tripod.

561
00:30:58,648 --> 00:31:01,067
No. It's fucking cinema verité, man!

562
00:31:01,150 --> 00:31:03,236
-I think we're gonna pass.
-No, no! Wait, wait!

563
00:31:03,319 --> 00:31:05,238
Everyone your wife ever dated is dead!

564
00:31:06,781 --> 00:31:08,032
Look at this. Look, look.

565
00:31:08,658 --> 00:31:10,159
A lightning strike?

566
00:31:10,827 --> 00:31:13,496
A heart attack at 32?

567
00:31:15,331 --> 00:31:17,417
A freak mulching accident.

568
00:31:18,751 --> 00:31:20,420
Wait, what did you just say?

569
00:31:21,713 --> 00:31:23,423
They're all dead. All of them.

570
00:31:25,091 --> 00:31:26,259
All except for one.

571
00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:32,599
Gabriel Winthorp.

572
00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:37,061
I found his address on the Internet.

573
00:31:38,479 --> 00:31:39,397
Okay.

574
00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:42,692
We need to go talk to him.

575
00:31:47,155 --> 00:31:49,949
You think about it, Gary.
You call me when you come to your senses.

576
00:31:50,825 --> 00:31:54,287
I have all the equipment all read--
We can use the tripod, Gar!

577
00:32:07,550 --> 00:32:08,426
Hey!

578
00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:11,220
Hey, buddy, what's up?

579
00:32:11,971 --> 00:32:16,309
What are-- What are you doing?
Y-You just... Coloring in the dark there?

580
00:32:16,392 --> 00:32:17,435
Cool.

581
00:32:25,985 --> 00:32:27,195
Isn't it, uh...

582
00:32:28,488 --> 00:32:29,697
past your bedtime?

583
00:32:37,163 --> 00:32:39,374
You want me to turn off the light, or...

584
00:32:46,255 --> 00:32:49,133
Yeah. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Wendy.

585
00:32:49,217 --> 00:32:50,468
I really appreciate it.

586
00:32:50,551 --> 00:32:51,678
Okay.

587
00:32:51,761 --> 00:32:53,096
I know. I know.

588
00:32:53,179 --> 00:32:56,307
I hope Jeremy's nightmares
aren't too bad tonight, too.

589
00:32:59,227 --> 00:33:01,437
Okay. I know. Yeah, okay.

590
00:33:01,938 --> 00:33:03,898
I'll see you then. Bye-bye.

591
00:33:06,192 --> 00:33:07,860
Child Protective Services called.

592
00:33:07,944 --> 00:33:08,820
What?

593
00:33:08,903 --> 00:33:11,322
Apparently, they had calls from parents

594
00:33:11,406 --> 00:33:13,616
saying that we had a dangerous clown
at our party.

595
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:16,661
Their children are gonna be
in therapy for the rest of their lives.

596
00:33:16,744 --> 00:33:20,581
-Gary, where did you find that clown?
-On the internet. I don't know.

597
00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:24,252
Sweetie, you can't just pick any clown
off the internet.

598
00:33:24,335 --> 00:33:25,503
You're a parent now.

599
00:33:25,586 --> 00:33:28,673
You have to hope for the best,
but you prepare for the worst.

600
00:33:28,756 --> 00:33:32,343
That's a good point, hon.
I'm gonna stick to that from now on.

601
00:33:33,469 --> 00:33:35,555
-Oh, man.
-They're sending someone here.

602
00:33:36,764 --> 00:33:37,807
Tomorrow.

603
00:33:38,349 --> 00:33:41,269
Wendy said she would come,
and she would help support.

604
00:33:41,352 --> 00:33:44,689
But, Gary, you need to be there too, okay?

605
00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:48,776
-Sweetie?
-Yeah, yeah, I'll be there.

606
00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:50,445
Really, Gary?

607
00:33:51,696 --> 00:33:52,822
Yeah.

608
00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:56,034
I will be there.

609
00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:05,084
You know, today I met with
our wedding videographer.

610
00:34:05,168 --> 00:34:07,962
Mm... God, I thought we agreed
we weren't gonna relive that.

611
00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:11,507
Yeah, no, I know, but...
I wanted to see if we could salvage it.

612
00:34:11,591 --> 00:34:13,843
-And?
-We can't.

613
00:34:17,346 --> 00:34:21,267
Okay, do you remember the preacher
when he started speaking Latin?

614
00:34:21,350 --> 00:34:23,227
Mm, such a romantic language.

615
00:34:23,311 --> 00:34:26,230
Yeah, well, as it turns out,
he wasn't speaking Latin,

616
00:34:26,314 --> 00:34:29,776
he was speaking in English...
backwards.

617
00:34:33,988 --> 00:34:36,324
Okay, Gar. W-What was he saying?

618
00:34:36,407 --> 00:34:41,412
He made me vow to protect the child
come hellfire or brimstone.

619
00:34:41,496 --> 00:34:44,165
-I'm serious, Sam.
-Well, at least he made a good point.

620
00:34:44,248 --> 00:34:47,335
In reverse.
Why would he make his point in reverse?

621
00:34:47,418 --> 00:34:52,381
I don't know, Gary. I'm sure people
make points in reverse all the time.

622
00:34:53,132 --> 00:34:54,425
I'm pretty sure they don't.

623
00:34:55,927 --> 00:34:59,305
I mean, maybe Ozzy Osbourne,
but that's it.

624
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,817
So, Gar, w-what are you saying?

625
00:35:10,900 --> 00:35:12,735
I don't know. I'm just sort of...

626
00:35:17,740 --> 00:35:21,828
Look, I'm wondering again
about Lucas' biological father.

627
00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:24,747
What does that have to do with anything?
You're his father now.

628
00:35:24,831 --> 00:35:26,040
Well, yeah...

629
00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:28,251
I told you parenting would be hard, and...

630
00:35:28,918 --> 00:35:31,546
-you said you were up for it.
-I did. I did say that.

631
00:35:31,629 --> 00:35:34,298
See, so you just need
to take all this stress

632
00:35:34,382 --> 00:35:37,844
and crumple it in a little ball
and throw it away.

633
00:35:37,927 --> 00:35:40,388
-Maybe you're right.
-Of course, I'm right.

634
00:35:41,597 --> 00:35:45,351
I mean, why don't you
just get out of these?

635
00:35:45,434 --> 00:35:47,353
And I will give you a massage,

636
00:35:48,354 --> 00:35:49,939
and I will take it from there.

637
00:35:50,648 --> 00:35:52,191
Shouldn't we put Lucas to bed?

638
00:35:53,234 --> 00:35:54,986
I tucked him in an hour ago.

639
00:36:02,076 --> 00:36:04,078
Oh, man, that feels so good.

640
00:36:04,162 --> 00:36:05,538
Mmm.

641
00:36:06,372 --> 00:36:09,876
Baby, listen, I know that
we're an unconventional family.

642
00:36:09,959 --> 00:36:12,170
I mean, we're not totally normal.

643
00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:19,844
And the way Lucas was conceived
wasn't exactly ideal.

644
00:36:21,137 --> 00:36:22,930
But at least we're together, right?

645
00:36:23,890 --> 00:36:25,391
Yeah, yeah.

646
00:36:25,474 --> 00:36:27,101
I agree 100%.

647
00:36:27,643 --> 00:36:31,981
Hey, r-remind me again
how Lucas was conceived.

648
00:36:32,064 --> 00:36:34,775
-Promise you won't judge?
-No, of course not.

649
00:36:34,859 --> 00:36:37,361
Oh, man, that's the spot right there.

650
00:36:37,445 --> 00:36:38,696
Okay.

651
00:36:38,779 --> 00:36:42,867
Well, you remember when I told you
about that crazy time in my 20s,

652
00:36:42,950 --> 00:36:47,038
where I dropped out of school,
and then I joined that sort of like...

653
00:36:47,622 --> 00:36:48,497
like cult.

654
00:36:49,290 --> 00:36:53,252
Uh, no, I don't think
you told me about that.

655
00:36:53,336 --> 00:36:57,089
Well, I guess they were pretty shocked
to find out that I was a virgin, still,

656
00:36:57,173 --> 00:37:00,509
and so, they threw
this huge ceremony for me,

657
00:37:00,593 --> 00:37:04,388
where they all got dressed up
in these long, flowy black robes,

658
00:37:04,472 --> 00:37:07,141
and they wore these elaborate masks.

659
00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:10,144
And there were all kinds of herbs.

660
00:37:10,645 --> 00:37:11,646
Lots of herbs.

661
00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:13,564
Okay...

662
00:37:13,648 --> 00:37:17,151
Anyway, they were chanting,
and then they put me in this star,

663
00:37:17,235 --> 00:37:22,073
and they covered me in this warm,
red body paint.

664
00:37:23,783 --> 00:37:24,617
And then?

665
00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:27,495
I-- I don't really know. I...

666
00:37:28,454 --> 00:37:31,457
must have blacked out
'cause I had this terrible nightmare.

667
00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:38,381
But when I woke up,
I left, and I never looked back.

668
00:37:42,885 --> 00:37:44,720
What? Oh, do--

669
00:37:44,804 --> 00:37:46,973
-No--
-I told you it wasn't ideal.

670
00:37:47,056 --> 00:37:49,267
-You said you wouldn't judge!
-I'm not judging.

671
00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:52,019
I'm just saying maybe this is
the sort of thing we'd talk about

672
00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:53,604
before we get married.

673
00:37:53,688 --> 00:37:57,108
I was young,
and maybe I was a little naive, right?

674
00:37:57,858 --> 00:38:02,446
But, Gar, I wouldn't change anything
even if I could because now I have...

675
00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:06,325
Lucas! Hi, honey.

676
00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:09,412
-Hey, buddy.
-Are you okay, honey?

677
00:38:10,204 --> 00:38:14,667
Are you still upset
about that clown Gary hired? Yeah?

678
00:38:14,750 --> 00:38:16,419
You want to sleep with us tonight?

679
00:38:17,336 --> 00:38:20,965
Um, don't you think...
Never mind. Come on in, buddy.

680
00:38:22,842 --> 00:38:24,343
Let's have a sleepover.

681
00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:30,308
All right, snuggle up.

682
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,770
Get cozy.
And no burning clowns in your dreams.

683
00:38:38,649 --> 00:38:40,067
Tomorrow's a new day.

684
00:39:57,812 --> 00:39:59,980
She said he was conceived
out of a nightmare

685
00:40:00,064 --> 00:40:01,899
during some satanic cult ritual.

686
00:40:01,982 --> 00:40:04,693
She was young and needed the money.
Doesn't mean anything.

687
00:40:04,777 --> 00:40:06,695
What about the clown?
You think that was normal?

688
00:40:06,779 --> 00:40:09,740
No, no, that was definitely
an unusual clown.

689
00:40:09,824 --> 00:40:11,784
Okay, well, this is gonna sound nuts,

690
00:40:11,867 --> 00:40:16,664
but I think there's a chance that maybe
he caused the tornado at my wedding.

691
00:40:16,747 --> 00:40:18,958
-Who, the clown?
-No, dude. Lucas.

692
00:40:19,041 --> 00:40:20,668
Yeah, right.

693
00:40:20,751 --> 00:40:24,046
Yeah, that freaky little kid definitely
caused a tornado at the party.

694
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:27,550
Al, listen to me. I had worms
coming out of my nose last night.

695
00:40:27,633 --> 00:40:31,137
Jesus! That's, like,
a serious hygiene issue, man.

696
00:40:31,220 --> 00:40:34,306
-Maybe it was a dream.
-Still, you should get that looked at.

697
00:40:34,390 --> 00:40:35,933
This must be it.

698
00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:41,313
Are you sure you want to do this, man?

699
00:40:41,397 --> 00:40:43,482
I hate meeting my wife's exes.

700
00:40:59,915 --> 00:41:00,875
Hey.

701
00:41:01,792 --> 00:41:02,918
Hey, yo. Excuse me.

702
00:41:03,627 --> 00:41:05,087
-Hey.
-Hi.

703
00:41:06,005 --> 00:41:10,634
She has begun to cry tears of blood.

704
00:41:12,011 --> 00:41:13,220
Is that right?

705
00:41:14,346 --> 00:41:17,600
We're looking for a guy named Gabriel.
Do you know him?

706
00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:21,562
Gabriel cannot be disturbed.

707
00:41:22,521 --> 00:41:23,939
Okay, well...

708
00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:25,941
He used to know my wife.

709
00:41:26,025 --> 00:41:28,277
I just have a few questions for him,

710
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,030
mostly about my weird
little stepson Lucas.

711
00:41:32,698 --> 00:41:35,951
Follow me. Speak no words.

712
00:41:36,619 --> 00:41:37,828
-Okay.
-No problem.

713
00:41:59,183 --> 00:42:00,768
Gabriel!

714
00:42:01,852 --> 00:42:03,687
You have guests.

715
00:42:07,316 --> 00:42:08,400
Um...

716
00:42:11,820 --> 00:42:14,698
Hey. Hi, I'm Gary.

717
00:42:14,782 --> 00:42:17,159
Um... This is my friend, Al.

718
00:42:17,243 --> 00:42:21,747
And, uh, you know,
we're, well, we're stepdads.

719
00:42:21,830 --> 00:42:22,831
Get to the point.

720
00:42:22,915 --> 00:42:24,250
Okay. Uh...

721
00:42:25,084 --> 00:42:28,921
I think maybe you used to know, um...

722
00:42:29,004 --> 00:42:31,590
my wife Samantha
and my little stepson Lucas.

723
00:42:31,674 --> 00:42:34,927
God forgive me for I have sinned!

724
00:42:35,010 --> 00:42:37,513
Would you stop with the flagellating?

725
00:42:37,596 --> 00:42:39,139
This is why I'm happy we're in therapy.

726
00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:41,642
This is what happens
when you don't talk stuff out.

727
00:42:41,725 --> 00:42:43,435
The end is near.

728
00:42:43,519 --> 00:42:46,605
Oh, Lord, please do not blame me
for what cannot be stopped!

729
00:42:46,689 --> 00:42:48,440
I think maybe we should just go.

730
00:42:48,524 --> 00:42:51,944
You must travel to the old marketplace
in the city of Bethlehem.

731
00:42:52,027 --> 00:42:55,030
Seek out the demon hunter Gozamel.

732
00:42:55,114 --> 00:42:56,532
Only he can help you now.

733
00:42:56,615 --> 00:42:57,616
Bethlehem?

734
00:42:57,700 --> 00:43:01,453
"And they that dwell upon the Earth
did wonder seeing the beast,

735
00:43:01,537 --> 00:43:04,039
that it was a thing,

736
00:43:04,623 --> 00:43:07,334
and is not, and yet now is!"

737
00:43:08,127 --> 00:43:09,628
I'm not following...

738
00:43:09,712 --> 00:43:11,964
Revelation, chapter 17.

739
00:43:13,507 --> 00:43:14,800
The child.

740
00:43:15,926 --> 00:43:17,511
He is the Antichrist!

741
00:43:19,013 --> 00:43:20,222
Okay.

742
00:43:21,724 --> 00:43:23,100
Okay, thanks.

743
00:43:23,684 --> 00:43:28,272
And, uh, thank you for welcoming us
into your beautiful home.

744
00:43:28,897 --> 00:43:31,317
And, uh, we're gonna let you get back
to your stuff...

745
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:33,319
you know.

746
00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:35,654
Let's go.

747
00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:45,205
I gotta tell you, man, I'm feeling
so much better about Jeremy right now.

748
00:43:45,289 --> 00:43:48,459
He's a spoiled little shit, but at least
he's not the fucking Antichrist.

749
00:43:49,543 --> 00:43:50,544
Seriously?

750
00:43:51,295 --> 00:43:52,129
Seriously.

751
00:43:56,634 --> 00:43:59,553
Wasn't there, like, a sign
or anything when you were dating?

752
00:43:59,637 --> 00:44:02,014
No, I mean, it all moved so fast.

753
00:44:02,097 --> 00:44:04,266
I figured he'd warm up to me
at some point.

754
00:44:04,350 --> 00:44:07,936
You must have had some indication
that kid is, like, pure fucking evil?

755
00:44:08,020 --> 00:44:09,772
Yeah, Al, all the time.

756
00:44:09,855 --> 00:44:12,733
But you told me that was normal,
that all kids are dicks.

757
00:44:12,816 --> 00:44:15,903
That's true, kids are dicks, man.
But this is a different level.

758
00:44:15,986 --> 00:44:18,197
He's like top of the dick chain, bro.

759
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,282
- Breaking news...
- Two more, please.

760
00:44:20,366 --> 00:44:23,369
-Jane Hernandez is on scene where...
-You could get a divorce.

761
00:44:23,452 --> 00:44:25,954
No, I don't want a divorce, Al.

762
00:44:26,038 --> 00:44:28,666
Okay? Samantha's perfect.
She's everything I ever wanted.

763
00:44:28,749 --> 00:44:30,668
She comes with some hefty baggage.

764
00:44:30,751 --> 00:44:33,212
-Al, it is not an option!
-Okay.

765
00:44:33,295 --> 00:44:35,047
Wanda, what do you see there?

766
00:44:36,423 --> 00:44:39,968
End of world followers
of infamous cult leader JD Gospel,

767
00:44:40,052 --> 00:44:43,472
have begun stocking up on canned goods,
rice, beans...

768
00:44:43,555 --> 00:44:47,101
-That's the guy that bought the nunnery.
-When is the end actually coming?

769
00:44:47,184 --> 00:44:51,146
Hey, I think maybe
we should go find this guy Gozamel.

770
00:44:51,438 --> 00:44:53,107
Maybe he could help us out.

771
00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:57,945
Look, I don't know if I told you this,
but I'm coaching Jeremy's baseball team,

772
00:44:58,028 --> 00:45:01,407
so for me getting to Bethlehem, Israel,
is a little out of the question.

773
00:45:01,490 --> 00:45:03,409
-Just right now is not a good time.
-I get it.

774
00:45:03,492 --> 00:45:05,160
-Not a good time.
-There you have it.

775
00:45:05,244 --> 00:45:09,373
I'm Jane Hernandez, reporting live
from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.

776
00:45:09,456 --> 00:45:11,625
Next up, cremation or burial?

777
00:45:20,008 --> 00:45:23,804
Excuse me.
Um, we're looking for a guy named Gozamel.

778
00:45:23,887 --> 00:45:25,973
-He's busy.
-Oh, that's great. He's here.

779
00:45:26,056 --> 00:45:29,268
-Um, we really need to see him.
-Yeah, we're on a mission from God.

780
00:45:31,145 --> 00:45:34,231
Gozamel to cashier. Gozamel to cashier.

781
00:45:41,363 --> 00:45:42,990
Um, Gozamel?

782
00:45:44,450 --> 00:45:46,577
I'm Gozamel. You guys were looking for me?

783
00:45:48,245 --> 00:45:51,165
So, what makes you think your stepson
is the spawn of Satan?

784
00:45:51,248 --> 00:45:54,501
- Well, he's just this really weird kid.
- Super weird, dude.

785
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:58,130
And he has these beady little eyes that,
like, bore into your soul.

786
00:45:58,213 --> 00:45:59,381
Very beady little eyes.

787
00:45:59,465 --> 00:46:01,884
He manipulates people into doing stuff
they don't want to do.

788
00:46:01,967 --> 00:46:04,261
Jumping out of buildings,
lighting themselves on fire...

789
00:46:04,344 --> 00:46:05,762
And talking backwards.

790
00:46:05,846 --> 00:46:08,056
Sounds like
your average devil child to me.

791
00:46:08,140 --> 00:46:09,725
This is me.

792
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:12,478
-When's his birthday?
-We just had his birthday party.

793
00:46:12,561 --> 00:46:14,563
But his real birthday
is the sixth of June.

794
00:46:14,646 --> 00:46:17,024
-How old is he turning?
-Six.

795
00:46:18,942 --> 00:46:21,612
Oh, shit, it's him. It's him!

796
00:46:22,154 --> 00:46:24,072
- No, I've got it.
- You want some help?

797
00:46:27,284 --> 00:46:29,286
-Oh, that's not...
-You're gonna crush those buns!

798
00:46:29,369 --> 00:46:30,370
I got it!

799
00:46:30,454 --> 00:46:31,663
Whoa!

800
00:46:31,747 --> 00:46:34,208
- Thank you so much, young man.
- Let's go!

801
00:46:34,291 --> 00:46:36,585
But, hold on, we drove.

802
00:46:36,668 --> 00:46:40,339
It's the end of the world!
We'll drop you off afterwards. Come on!

803
00:46:40,422 --> 00:46:42,382
I'm good with that. Come on, buddy!

804
00:46:42,466 --> 00:46:44,635
-Well...
-Let's go save the world, man!

805
00:46:44,718 --> 00:46:45,719
Whoo!

806
00:46:58,190 --> 00:47:00,651
I have been
prepping for this my entire life!

807
00:47:00,734 --> 00:47:03,612
-That's great news, man!
-We're really glad we found you.

808
00:47:03,695 --> 00:47:06,615
Thanks. I got some donuts and beer
in the cooler if you guys want.

809
00:47:06,698 --> 00:47:07,950
-No way!
-Yeah.

810
00:47:08,033 --> 00:47:09,535
Score!

811
00:47:09,618 --> 00:47:11,828
-Gozamel, you're the best, my brother.
-Thank you.

812
00:47:11,912 --> 00:47:13,789
-Is there a seat belt back here?
-Seat belt?

813
00:47:13,872 --> 00:47:16,583
You don't need a fucking seat belt.
This is the end of the world!

814
00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:18,210
-There are no rules!
-No rules.

815
00:47:18,293 --> 00:47:20,003
I'd still like to have a seat belt.

816
00:47:20,087 --> 00:47:23,340
When I was a kid,
my father told me I have a destiny.

817
00:47:23,423 --> 00:47:25,842
And my destiny was to save the world.

818
00:47:25,926 --> 00:47:29,179
-That must have been a pretty heavy talk.
-Fuck yeah, it was heavy, man.

819
00:47:29,263 --> 00:47:31,014
'Cause he was dying in my arms.

820
00:47:31,098 --> 00:47:33,684
But then he bequeathed onto me
the knife of destiny.

821
00:47:34,393 --> 00:47:37,980
And he told me, "You take that little
Antichrist fuck-up to hallowed ground,

822
00:47:38,063 --> 00:47:40,357
-and you stab him right in the chest!"
-I'm sorry, what?

823
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:43,068
But you gotta do it by 6:00 p.m.
on June the sixth.

824
00:47:43,777 --> 00:47:46,238
Man, I was getting worried.
I didn't think it was gonna happen.

825
00:47:46,321 --> 00:47:49,783
-No. What did you say about a knife?
-The knife of destiny.

826
00:47:49,866 --> 00:47:52,661
It's in the little chest of drawers
I built in on the side.

827
00:47:52,744 --> 00:47:54,997
I wanted to make sure
it was next to me at all times.

828
00:47:55,789 --> 00:47:56,748
Hmm?

829
00:47:56,832 --> 00:47:59,751
Yeah, that's it.
That knife will kill anybody.

830
00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:02,671
No, we are not stabbing my stepson
in the chest!

831
00:48:02,754 --> 00:48:05,549
Yeah, his wife's already pretty upset.
They're not getting along.

832
00:48:05,632 --> 00:48:06,925
That's not gonna help.

833
00:48:07,009 --> 00:48:10,637
We'll burn him alive or drown him,
as long as it's on hallowed ground.

834
00:48:10,721 --> 00:48:13,974
What?
No, we're not doing any of those things!

835
00:48:14,057 --> 00:48:16,143
Did you think
I was gonna play footsie with him?

836
00:48:16,226 --> 00:48:20,731
-I don't know. Exorcise him? I--
-You can't exorcise the Antichrist, bro.

837
00:48:20,814 --> 00:48:22,858
Let's sacrifice a goat.
Something like that.

838
00:48:22,941 --> 00:48:25,527
-Yeah, a goat.
-Why hurt an innocent goat?

839
00:48:25,611 --> 00:48:27,237
I'm just brainstorming.

840
00:48:27,779 --> 00:48:33,035
All right, well, there is this myth
about someone called the Keymaster,

841
00:48:33,118 --> 00:48:35,329
that he could save the world
without killing the kid.

842
00:48:35,412 --> 00:48:38,540
Way to bury the lead, man.
Yeah, let's go find the Keymaster.

843
00:48:40,417 --> 00:48:43,170
There's no fucking keymaster!

844
00:48:43,253 --> 00:48:44,421
I made it up.

845
00:48:44,504 --> 00:48:46,298
From Ghostbusters, remember?

846
00:48:46,381 --> 00:48:49,384
-Here. Hand me that thing.
-Ghostbusters. You didn't make it up.

847
00:48:49,468 --> 00:48:50,552
Don't worry, guys.

848
00:48:50,636 --> 00:48:52,888
I've been prepping for this
my entire life.

849
00:48:52,971 --> 00:48:54,973
-There's nothing that can happen--
-No, look out!

850
00:49:12,574 --> 00:49:13,617
Holy crap.

851
00:49:14,409 --> 00:49:17,162
-You okay?
-Yeah, I think I'm all right.

852
00:49:17,704 --> 00:49:19,706
It's a good thing you were wearing
your seat belt.

853
00:49:21,083 --> 00:49:23,418
Holy shit!

854
00:49:23,669 --> 00:49:26,546
- Gozamel?
- Gozer?

855
00:49:26,630 --> 00:49:27,589
Gozamel?

856
00:49:27,673 --> 00:49:30,217
Gozer, you little demon hunter,
where you at, boy?

857
00:49:30,300 --> 00:49:31,677
Gozamel?

858
00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:33,887
Over here!

859
00:49:37,557 --> 00:49:38,934
Oh, shit!

860
00:49:40,268 --> 00:49:42,479
Oh, shit...

861
00:49:44,648 --> 00:49:46,566
I'm sorry I let you down.

862
00:49:47,359 --> 00:49:49,277
I'm sorry I let you down, Daddy!

863
00:49:49,361 --> 00:49:52,406
Buddy, you didn't let your dad down, man.

864
00:49:52,864 --> 00:49:54,825
You-- you're the stepfather.

865
00:49:56,618 --> 00:50:00,706
His destiny is in your hands now.

866
00:50:01,790 --> 00:50:04,126
When the time is nigh,

867
00:50:05,085 --> 00:50:07,921
you'll get a sign from above.

868
00:50:09,506 --> 00:50:14,803
Look... for... the... sign.

869
00:50:14,886 --> 00:50:15,929
Gozer?

870
00:50:17,097 --> 00:50:18,390
Gozer?

871
00:50:19,433 --> 00:50:20,559
Gozer, buddy?

872
00:50:21,727 --> 00:50:25,188
God! I told you we should have
fucking caravanned!

873
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:28,442
-Okay, that might have been a better idea.
-God, this is crazy.

874
00:50:28,525 --> 00:50:30,235
Oh, my God, this is so crazy.

875
00:50:30,318 --> 00:50:33,029
-Dude, bro, you gotta relax, man.
-How can I relax?

876
00:50:33,113 --> 00:50:34,573
-We're in a cornfield!
-So?

877
00:50:34,656 --> 00:50:37,409
What good thing has ever happened
in a cornfield, Al?

878
00:50:37,492 --> 00:50:40,370
Well, I don't know.
Field of Dreams is pretty cool.

879
00:50:43,749 --> 00:50:46,126
Okay. All right, all right.

880
00:50:46,209 --> 00:50:49,337
All right, we're not that far.
We can... We can walk home.

881
00:50:50,714 --> 00:50:53,216
Well, are we just gonna
leave him here?

882
00:50:53,300 --> 00:50:54,551
Oh, fuck.

883
00:50:55,010 --> 00:50:57,012
Give me the knife. Give me the knife.

884
00:50:57,095 --> 00:50:58,388
I'm coming, bro!

885
00:50:59,181 --> 00:51:03,185
All I wanted was to get married
and be happy.

886
00:51:03,268 --> 00:51:06,146
-Have a normal life.
-Nobody has a normal life, man.

887
00:51:06,229 --> 00:51:09,649
No, I know, but, like,
in the realm of normal.

888
00:51:09,733 --> 00:51:11,693
There's-- There's a realm.

889
00:51:11,777 --> 00:51:15,155
So, your stepkid's a little evil.
It's not like it's the end of the world.

890
00:51:15,238 --> 00:51:18,450
Okay, maybe in this case, it actually is,
but I'm a stepdad, too.

891
00:51:18,909 --> 00:51:19,785
You know what that means?

892
00:51:19,868 --> 00:51:22,788
I would never leave you
on the battlefield. I wouldn't do it!

893
00:51:22,871 --> 00:51:26,583
You know, can we just try
walking in silence rest of the way?

894
00:51:26,666 --> 00:51:28,794
Yeah, man, no problem.
Was I talking too much?

895
00:51:28,877 --> 00:51:30,337
Total silence. No problem.

896
00:51:31,087 --> 00:51:32,672
House is right up here.

897
00:51:33,423 --> 00:51:35,550
We made it. I'm home.

898
00:51:35,634 --> 00:51:38,595
-You're home. Jiggity jig.
-Shit.

899
00:51:41,807 --> 00:51:43,975
-That's not him, is it?
-Yeah.

900
00:51:44,559 --> 00:51:46,144
He loves to swing.

901
00:51:47,020 --> 00:51:48,021
Okay.

902
00:51:49,439 --> 00:51:51,858
All right, little brother.
I gotta get out of here.

903
00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:54,152
I'll catch you at work tomorrow,
all right? Cool.

904
00:51:54,236 --> 00:51:57,697
Wait. What happened to not leaving
a soldier on the battlefield?

905
00:51:57,781 --> 00:51:59,533
I'm not leaving you, man.

906
00:51:59,616 --> 00:52:01,493
I'm not leaving you, like, forever.

907
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:05,247
But right now, it's getting kinda late.
It's past my bedtime.

908
00:52:05,330 --> 00:52:07,874
I gotta get my snoozies in
'cause I get real fucking cranky.

909
00:52:07,958 --> 00:52:10,627
You don't want to see me cranky,
do you, man? Take this.

910
00:52:11,253 --> 00:52:14,047
-Take it! Take it!
-What the hell am I gonna do with this?

911
00:52:14,130 --> 00:52:15,632
-I don't know.
-He's just a kid.

912
00:52:15,715 --> 00:52:18,927
-You're a fucking warrior! I've got to go.
-What--

913
00:52:19,010 --> 00:52:21,847
I gotta do crosswalk duty
in the morning, man. I gotta go!

914
00:52:21,930 --> 00:52:22,806
Al!

915
00:52:31,982 --> 00:52:32,941
Oh, fuck.

916
00:52:33,525 --> 00:52:34,484
Oh, shit.

917
00:52:38,530 --> 00:52:41,575
You know, Gary really is
just the kindest man.

918
00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:43,660
He is so good to us.

919
00:52:44,202 --> 00:52:47,622
He hasn't totally got
the parenting thing-- Gary!

920
00:52:47,706 --> 00:52:50,417
-Yeah?
-Gary! Hi. Come in, please.

921
00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:53,086
-You remember Wendy, from the party?
-Of course. Hello.

922
00:52:53,169 --> 00:52:56,882
And this is Mrs. Shaylock
from Child Protective Services.

923
00:52:57,507 --> 00:52:59,175
-Oh, hi. Hello.
-Hello.

924
00:52:59,259 --> 00:53:01,219
-Very nice to meet you. Yes.
-So nice to meet you.

925
00:53:01,303 --> 00:53:04,598
I am so sorry for being late.
I was racing home from work.

926
00:53:05,807 --> 00:53:09,102
- You work in a cornfield?
- No.

927
00:53:09,185 --> 00:53:10,896
-No.
-No.

928
00:53:10,979 --> 00:53:12,606
-I'm in real estate. And I...
-Oh.

929
00:53:13,815 --> 00:53:17,527
go walking in cornfields at night,
sometimes to gather my thoughts.

930
00:53:17,611 --> 00:53:21,072
Well, then I would love for you
to share them with us right now.

931
00:53:21,156 --> 00:53:23,742
-Mr. Bloom, please have a seat. Come on.
-Okay.

932
00:53:23,825 --> 00:53:25,410
Can I just-- I'm sorry.

933
00:53:25,493 --> 00:53:29,831
I was just telling Miss Shaylock
how you are trying--

934
00:53:29,915 --> 00:53:30,999
-Gary?
-Yeah?

935
00:53:31,082 --> 00:53:35,295
How you are trying so hard
to reach out to Lucas.

936
00:53:35,378 --> 00:53:38,840
That's right. Yeah, yeah.
I'm... I am trying.

937
00:53:38,924 --> 00:53:41,343
It's always so hard for stepdads.

938
00:53:41,426 --> 00:53:44,095
Tell me, Mr. Bloom, all the things

939
00:53:44,179 --> 00:53:46,473
that you do with the dear boy.

940
00:53:47,098 --> 00:53:49,809
Uh, w-well, I've taken him to school...

941
00:53:49,893 --> 00:53:51,561
-School.
-...and...

942
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:55,774
I've tried talking to him a bunch
of times. You know?

943
00:53:55,857 --> 00:53:58,568
Gary helped plan Lucas' birthday party.

944
00:53:58,652 --> 00:54:01,738
The one with the burning clown
that traumatized all the children?

945
00:54:01,821 --> 00:54:02,989
Lucas really looks up to Gary.

946
00:54:03,073 --> 00:54:06,284
I mean, just tonight, he told me
that he didn't want to go to sleep

947
00:54:06,368 --> 00:54:08,161
until Gary tucked him in.

948
00:54:08,244 --> 00:54:10,163
But I just saw him outside on the swing.

949
00:54:10,246 --> 00:54:13,333
Gary, don't be silly.
He is upstairs in his bedroom.

950
00:54:13,416 --> 00:54:14,918
It was the sweetest thing.

951
00:54:15,001 --> 00:54:17,879
He said in his little angel voice,
"Can Daddy please tuck me in?"

952
00:54:17,963 --> 00:54:19,756
-He called him "Daddy."
-What an angel.

953
00:54:19,839 --> 00:54:21,591
Yeah, a fallen...

954
00:54:21,675 --> 00:54:25,262
asleep angel, which I am way too bushed
to put down tonight.

955
00:54:25,345 --> 00:54:27,639
-Go tuck your son in.
-He's probably asleep.

956
00:54:27,722 --> 00:54:30,976
He's probably awake
and waiting up for you to tuck him in.

957
00:54:31,059 --> 00:54:32,269
- Gary!
- All right.

958
00:54:36,648 --> 00:54:41,236
-"A little reluctant to tuck--"
-You don't need to write that down.

959
00:54:41,319 --> 00:54:42,988
I'll be the judge of that.

960
00:54:44,990 --> 00:54:46,116
All right.

961
00:54:52,539 --> 00:54:54,833
Hey, the lights are burned out up here.

962
00:54:54,916 --> 00:54:57,085
There is a flashlight on the wall.

963
00:55:00,338 --> 00:55:02,215
This is fucking bullshit.

964
00:55:03,591 --> 00:55:04,676
All right.

965
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:06,594
Here we go.

966
00:55:07,887 --> 00:55:11,266
He's a fucking five year old kid.
Nothing to be afraid of.

967
00:55:13,143 --> 00:55:14,394
Okay.

968
00:55:15,645 --> 00:55:16,730
All right.

969
00:55:19,065 --> 00:55:20,734
Shit.

970
00:55:21,693 --> 00:55:24,404
You marry a beautiful woman
and all hell breaks loose.

971
00:55:26,823 --> 00:55:27,949
All right.

972
00:55:41,254 --> 00:55:43,298
Hey, uh... hey, Lucas?

973
00:55:44,674 --> 00:55:46,259
You want me to tuck you in, buddy?

974
00:55:49,179 --> 00:55:51,056
Lucas, you in here?

975
00:55:53,641 --> 00:55:54,476
Jesus.

976
00:55:58,104 --> 00:55:59,230
Lucas?

977
00:56:06,654 --> 00:56:08,740
"Erutpar."

978
00:56:09,032 --> 00:56:12,077
I'm Remi the Lion. Wanna play?

979
00:56:14,746 --> 00:56:16,206
No, Remi, not right now.

980
00:56:17,457 --> 00:56:20,335
I'm Remi the Lion. Wanna play?

981
00:56:21,711 --> 00:56:26,007
- I'm Remi the Lion. Wanna play?
- I told you, Remi, I don't wanna play.

982
00:56:26,758 --> 00:56:30,303
I'm Remi the Lion. Wanna play?

983
00:56:33,556 --> 00:56:34,724
Shut up.

984
00:56:34,808 --> 00:56:38,144
You want to play?

985
00:56:40,855 --> 00:56:42,023
Samantha? Somebody?

986
00:56:42,107 --> 00:56:43,274
Somebody, help!

987
00:56:44,901 --> 00:56:49,155
-Why is it so hard for men?
-You have to demand more from him.

988
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:50,532
Samantha? Somebody?

989
00:56:51,116 --> 00:56:53,368
Try reading him a book, you sack of shit!

990
00:56:54,702 --> 00:56:55,787
Shit.

991
00:56:59,207 --> 00:57:00,750
Erutpar!

992
00:57:54,095 --> 00:57:56,139
Erutpar!

993
00:58:08,610 --> 00:58:12,155
Let me tell you. Whatever a child
is going through emotionally,

994
00:58:12,238 --> 00:58:15,950
it's natural for them
to act out in physical ways.

995
00:58:16,034 --> 00:58:19,913
Please remember,
it is never the child's fault.

996
00:58:19,996 --> 00:58:23,082
No matter what happens,
it is never the child's fault.

997
00:58:39,224 --> 00:58:41,601
It was very nice to meet you, Mrs. Bloom.

998
00:58:41,684 --> 00:58:45,396
Of course, you know, I'm going to keep
a very close eye on you and your family.

999
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:49,067
- Of course. It's fine.
- Very nice to meet you, too...

1000
00:58:49,150 --> 00:58:51,611
-Wendy.
-Wendy. Yes. You're parked in front of me.

1001
00:58:51,694 --> 00:58:52,779
Oh, I'll be right out.

1002
00:58:53,947 --> 00:58:54,948
Oh!

1003
00:58:59,452 --> 00:59:01,788
What was going on
with that idiot husband of yours?

1004
00:59:01,871 --> 00:59:05,166
No idea. I am so angry, I could scream.

1005
00:59:05,250 --> 00:59:09,003
Oh, it's him.
He must be too scared to come downstairs.

1006
00:59:09,921 --> 00:59:13,091
-Wendy, thank you for your support.
-Of course. Anytime!

1007
00:59:13,174 --> 00:59:16,594
I could not have done it without you.
Get that woman out of my driveway.

1008
00:59:16,678 --> 00:59:18,763
Happily.

1009
00:59:20,306 --> 00:59:22,517
Gary, what on earth are you doing?

1010
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:26,354
Your evil, freaky,
little son buried me in the backyard!

1011
00:59:26,437 --> 00:59:27,730
Stop yelling, okay?

1012
00:59:27,814 --> 00:59:31,192
-You know I can't understand you when...
-Your evil fucking son--

1013
00:59:32,986 --> 00:59:34,237
Oh...

1014
00:59:42,495 --> 00:59:43,663
Lucas?

1015
00:59:44,330 --> 00:59:45,415
Honey?

1016
00:59:49,335 --> 00:59:50,712
So creative.

1017
00:59:52,839 --> 00:59:54,299
Gary? Where is Lucas?

1018
00:59:54,382 --> 00:59:58,386
Okay, I'm sorry that I yelled before.
I'm getting a little oxygen deprived.

1019
00:59:58,469 --> 00:59:59,804
What? Where are you?

1020
00:59:59,887 --> 01:00:01,097
I'm in the backyard.

1021
01:00:01,180 --> 01:00:04,517
Bring a shovel and come as fast as you can
or I'm gonna die!

1022
01:00:12,358 --> 01:00:15,528
Gary? Lucas?

1023
01:00:19,949 --> 01:00:21,576
That's it!

1024
01:00:21,659 --> 01:00:24,120
Time out, young man!

1025
01:00:34,672 --> 01:00:37,592
Oh, my God, Gary!
Gary, say something! Are you okay?

1026
01:00:37,675 --> 01:00:39,093
I...

1027
01:00:39,177 --> 01:00:40,136
want...

1028
01:00:40,595 --> 01:00:41,554
a divorce!

1029
01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:43,348
Don't say that!

1030
01:00:43,431 --> 01:00:44,932
Get out of there, Gary.

1031
01:00:45,016 --> 01:00:46,893
Oh, can I? Thanks.

1032
01:00:49,479 --> 01:00:52,440
Gary, please don't overreact, okay?

1033
01:00:52,523 --> 01:00:54,817
-I know he didn't mean to...
-He didn't mean to?

1034
01:00:54,901 --> 01:00:56,944
He just wanted you to read him a book!

1035
01:00:57,570 --> 01:00:59,947
I'm pretty sure that's not what he wanted.

1036
01:01:00,031 --> 01:01:03,368
I should have insisted that you two spend
more time together before we got married.

1037
01:01:03,451 --> 01:01:07,705
Oh, yeah, that would have been great,
getting to know him a little bit better.

1038
01:01:07,789 --> 01:01:10,750
You've really outdone yourself, Gary.
Congratulations.

1039
01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:13,670
-I've tried reaching out.
-Tried? You drove him to school.

1040
01:01:13,753 --> 01:01:15,588
You've tried talking to him a few times.

1041
01:01:15,672 --> 01:01:17,840
Excuse me if I didn't buy you
a dad of the year mug.

1042
01:01:17,924 --> 01:01:19,509
He buried me alive, Sam!

1043
01:01:19,592 --> 01:01:23,137
Children act out because they
don't know how to express their emotions.

1044
01:01:23,221 --> 01:01:25,723
You're the adult.
You were supposed to help him.

1045
01:01:25,807 --> 01:01:29,477
But you won't even want to look at my son,
because he's not yours!

1046
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:31,604
-That is not why.
-Then why?

1047
01:01:31,688 --> 01:01:35,066
Because he's the fucking Antichrist, Sam!

1048
01:01:35,149 --> 01:01:36,484
That's why!

1049
01:01:41,698 --> 01:01:43,991
-Listen to me.
-No.

1050
01:01:44,075 --> 01:01:45,076
Sam!

1051
01:01:48,037 --> 01:01:49,038
Come on, Lucas.

1052
01:01:51,874 --> 01:01:52,750
Sam.

1053
01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:02,051
Oh, great.

1054
01:02:02,135 --> 01:02:04,345
Now it's raining blood, Sam!

1055
01:02:04,429 --> 01:02:06,180
Not cool, Lucas!

1056
01:02:06,264 --> 01:02:07,682
Not cool!

1057
01:02:10,309 --> 01:02:12,603
Fundamentals! Fundamentals!

1058
01:02:12,687 --> 01:02:17,191
It was awful.
Just the whole thing, indescribably awful.

1059
01:02:17,275 --> 01:02:20,194
I know what you mean, man.
We all been there.

1060
01:02:20,278 --> 01:02:21,320
No, you haven't.

1061
01:02:21,404 --> 01:02:22,864
Come on, Jeremy. Eye on the ball.

1062
01:02:23,531 --> 01:02:25,867
That's okay, buddy. There you go!

1063
01:02:26,909 --> 01:02:30,621
Look, I hate to say it, man, but I think
you might actually have to kill the kid.

1064
01:02:30,705 --> 01:02:32,206
No, I can't do it.

1065
01:02:32,290 --> 01:02:33,791
Gregory Peck did it in The Omen.

1066
01:02:33,875 --> 01:02:36,377
No, he didn't.
He got shot before he could do it.

1067
01:02:36,461 --> 01:02:39,964
And I'm pretty sure that everyone thought
he was an awful father after that.

1068
01:02:40,047 --> 01:02:42,383
Well, they already think that
about you, so...

1069
01:02:42,467 --> 01:02:44,719
-What? Who does? Who said that?
-Nobody.

1070
01:02:45,553 --> 01:02:48,264
-Just my wife and all her friends.
-What?

1071
01:02:48,347 --> 01:02:50,933
- The school board...
- Okay. Okay. All right.

1072
01:02:51,017 --> 01:02:54,562
I didn't want to tell you this,
'cause I didn't want you to get jealous.

1073
01:02:55,646 --> 01:02:57,565
But I won the Dad ball this morning.

1074
01:02:58,483 --> 01:03:00,067
-What?
-Isn't that awesome?

1075
01:03:03,237 --> 01:03:06,073
Yeah. That's awesome.

1076
01:03:06,157 --> 01:03:08,785
It made me realize
that there's a lot to live for.

1077
01:03:08,868 --> 01:03:10,995
A lot of innocent people
are gonna go to hell.

1078
01:03:11,078 --> 01:03:14,123
-I know, I know.
-Maybe not totally innocent, but people!

1079
01:03:14,207 --> 01:03:15,875
-That's not cool!
-Okay. All right.

1080
01:03:18,002 --> 01:03:20,546
You know, you don't have to make it
look like you did it.

1081
01:03:20,630 --> 01:03:22,548
You could take him
to King Willie's Water Park.

1082
01:03:22,965 --> 01:03:27,678
Get him some floaties, fill 'em with sand,
push him down that big-ass slide.

1083
01:03:28,429 --> 01:03:31,224
Nature's gonna take its course.
That shit happens all the time.

1084
01:03:31,307 --> 01:03:34,310
-That place is a safety hazard.
-It has to be on hallowed ground.

1085
01:03:34,393 --> 01:03:38,314
I'm pretty sure that the water park
is hallowed ground. The pope blessed it.

1086
01:03:38,397 --> 01:03:40,525
Sam's never gonna let me
near him again anyway.

1087
01:03:40,608 --> 01:03:42,819
Go over there,
bring her some flowers, man.

1088
01:03:43,361 --> 01:03:46,113
Tell her you're sorry
that you called her kid the Antichrist.

1089
01:03:46,197 --> 01:03:49,575
I do that shit all the time.
Sometimes, he deserves it.

1090
01:03:49,659 --> 01:03:51,410
Marsupials!

1091
01:04:05,049 --> 01:04:06,467
-Hey.
-Hey.

1092
01:04:08,845 --> 01:04:12,723
I am... really sorry about what I said.

1093
01:04:12,807 --> 01:04:15,351
You said some awful things. Awful things.

1094
01:04:15,434 --> 01:04:17,812
I want to turn this around, Sam.
I really do.

1095
01:04:17,895 --> 01:04:21,691
I want to be the man, the father,
that I know I can be.

1096
01:04:22,275 --> 01:04:23,776
I know it's his birthday today,

1097
01:04:23,860 --> 01:04:27,196
and I'd love if I could just have
a little father-son time with him.

1098
01:04:27,280 --> 01:04:28,739
Maybe teach him to swim?

1099
01:04:50,887 --> 01:04:53,139
Lucas doesn't know how to swim.

1100
01:04:54,974 --> 01:04:58,686
Well, that's what we're here for, Reeroy,
to teach Lucas how to swim.

1101
01:04:59,979 --> 01:05:01,647
Ready to go up that big one there?

1102
01:05:03,941 --> 01:05:05,026
Okay, how about this?

1103
01:05:05,109 --> 01:05:07,653
How about we, uh, go play around,
work up our courage?

1104
01:05:07,737 --> 01:05:08,988
Sound good, Reeroy?

1105
01:05:09,530 --> 01:05:12,491
All right. Don't worry, buddy.
We'll have a blast. Okay?

1106
01:05:12,575 --> 01:05:13,951
Let's go.

1107
01:05:47,318 --> 01:05:52,156
Oh, I'm dodging. I'm dodging.
Oh! Oh! Oh!

1108
01:05:52,239 --> 01:05:53,866
That's it! That's it!

1109
01:05:54,867 --> 01:05:57,703
I got you. Oh, I got you.

1110
01:05:57,787 --> 01:05:59,246
Oh, my God, are you laughing?

1111
01:05:59,914 --> 01:06:01,958
I don't think
I've ever seen you laugh before.

1112
01:06:07,588 --> 01:06:10,633
Aw, you and your son
look really cute together.

1113
01:06:11,676 --> 01:06:13,886
-Do you want me to take a picture?
-No, that's all right.

1114
01:06:13,970 --> 01:06:15,221
Really? It's no problem.

1115
01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:17,515
Sure. Yeah. Why not?

1116
01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:19,141
There you go.

1117
01:06:20,434 --> 01:06:21,978
Okay, lean in a little closer.

1118
01:06:23,354 --> 01:06:24,689
A little closer.

1119
01:06:28,484 --> 01:06:29,527
Great.

1120
01:06:30,194 --> 01:06:31,904
-There you go.
-Thanks.

1121
01:06:45,793 --> 01:06:48,045
Lucas is ready for the big slide now.

1122
01:06:49,005 --> 01:06:52,216
Are you sure? You know what?
We actually don't--

1123
01:07:15,531 --> 01:07:18,826
All right, listen, Lucas,
these are gonna help you float.

1124
01:07:18,909 --> 01:07:19,827
Hurry it up!

1125
01:07:19,910 --> 01:07:21,996
We're gonna be one minute.
It's his first time.

1126
01:07:23,205 --> 01:07:26,125
I know these feel heavy, Lucas,
but once they hit the water,

1127
01:07:26,208 --> 01:07:28,544
they're just gonna get much lighter, okay?

1128
01:07:32,631 --> 01:07:33,591
Listen to me.

1129
01:07:34,425 --> 01:07:35,593
You don't have to do this.

1130
01:07:35,676 --> 01:07:38,179
-Come on already!
-I told you he's not ready!

1131
01:07:38,262 --> 01:07:40,431
Do you understand? Oh!

1132
01:07:40,514 --> 01:07:41,640
Whoa!

1133
01:07:42,892 --> 01:07:44,351
Oh, no. Oh, my God.

1134
01:07:44,435 --> 01:07:46,604
What the hell am I doing?
Oh, what the hell?

1135
01:07:46,687 --> 01:07:48,314
God, I don't know if you're real.

1136
01:07:48,397 --> 01:07:51,525
If you are, you probably hate me,
but you gotta give me a sign here.

1137
01:07:51,609 --> 01:07:53,069
You gotta give me a sign.

1138
01:07:53,152 --> 01:07:54,528
You gotta give me a sign.

1139
01:07:54,612 --> 01:07:56,906
Give me a sign. Give me a sign.

1140
01:08:00,785 --> 01:08:03,537
Oh, my God, that's it.
That's it! That's it!

1141
01:08:04,872 --> 01:08:06,207
Lucas!

1142
01:08:06,290 --> 01:08:08,334
It is a pretty sweet waterslide.

1143
01:08:10,294 --> 01:08:11,170
Lucas!

1144
01:08:41,325 --> 01:08:42,868
Oh, my God, Lucas!

1145
01:08:42,952 --> 01:08:45,412
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

1146
01:08:45,496 --> 01:08:46,622
Oh.

1147
01:08:46,705 --> 01:08:49,333
Oh, I'm never taking
my eyes off you again. Okay?

1148
01:08:49,416 --> 01:08:51,335
-Okay.
-Okay.

1149
01:08:51,418 --> 01:08:52,753
I promise.

1150
01:08:52,837 --> 01:08:54,088
Oh, my God.

1151
01:08:55,089 --> 01:08:58,384
You okay?

1152
01:08:58,467 --> 01:09:00,386
-You want to do it again?
-No.

1153
01:09:00,469 --> 01:09:03,222
Okay. Yeah. Me neither.

1154
01:09:08,727 --> 01:09:10,729
I'm sorry we lost Reeroy...

1155
01:09:11,647 --> 01:09:13,357
your evil goat puppet.

1156
01:09:15,067 --> 01:09:16,986
We'll find you another one, all right?

1157
01:09:20,197 --> 01:09:21,031
Gary.

1158
01:09:24,827 --> 01:09:28,622
-Yes, Lucas?
-I'm sorry I buried you in the backyard.

1159
01:09:30,416 --> 01:09:32,001
That's all right, I get it.

1160
01:09:33,627 --> 01:09:35,296
Sorry I put sand in your floaties.

1161
01:09:36,046 --> 01:09:38,632
That's okay. I get it.

1162
01:09:40,342 --> 01:09:43,554
I guess I haven't been
a very good stepdad, have I?

1163
01:09:44,555 --> 01:09:46,182
You're still here.

1164
01:09:51,103 --> 01:09:55,399
Uh... Lucas, can I tell you something?
Something I've never told anyone?

1165
01:09:56,567 --> 01:09:59,862
Did you know that
I never knew my father growing up?

1166
01:10:00,779 --> 01:10:02,531
He split on me when I was just a baby.

1167
01:10:03,741 --> 01:10:08,412
So, when I was 20 years old,
I decided to go find him.

1168
01:10:09,622 --> 01:10:10,998
And when I finally did,

1169
01:10:11,081 --> 01:10:16,545
he told me that I was a worthless loser
who would never do anything with his life.

1170
01:10:19,465 --> 01:10:20,883
You know what I decided?

1171
01:10:22,218 --> 01:10:24,178
That I didn't have to listen to my dad.

1172
01:10:26,096 --> 01:10:28,933
You know, Lucas,
I don't care who your real dad is

1173
01:10:29,016 --> 01:10:33,729
or if you were spawned from a cult ritual.
You are you.

1174
01:10:35,564 --> 01:10:38,776
And you can be
whoever you want to be, okay?

1175
01:10:42,947 --> 01:10:43,781
Daddy?

1176
01:10:46,158 --> 01:10:47,618
Yeah, Lucas?

1177
01:10:47,701 --> 01:10:49,828
I don't want you to die anymore.

1178
01:10:50,496 --> 01:10:52,331
I don't want you to die anymore, either.

1179
01:10:52,414 --> 01:10:56,669
And you're right. My real dad
isn't a really good influence on me.

1180
01:10:57,795 --> 01:10:59,338
No, I don't think he is.

1181
01:11:01,590 --> 01:11:04,969
Hold on. Do you... know your real dad?

1182
01:11:05,052 --> 01:11:08,889
Well, sometimes he talks to me
through my toys and the TV.

1183
01:11:08,973 --> 01:11:12,434
That's a really good reason
to limit your TV time.

1184
01:11:12,518 --> 01:11:16,730
And he said he wants full "custoty."

1185
01:11:16,814 --> 01:11:18,649
Do you know what that means?

1186
01:11:19,566 --> 01:11:21,360
Yeah. Yeah, it's not good.

1187
01:11:21,443 --> 01:11:24,697
Listen, your mom and I
will never let that happen.

1188
01:11:24,780 --> 01:11:26,782
Do you understand? I promise.

1189
01:11:29,785 --> 01:11:31,120
It's an Amber Alert.

1190
01:11:33,163 --> 01:11:34,832
Wait, that's my license.

1191
01:11:36,959 --> 01:11:37,960
Shit.

1192
01:11:38,043 --> 01:11:41,130
Lucas, finish your ice cream.
We got to go.

1193
01:11:44,174 --> 01:11:45,509
-Hands in the air!
-Okay.

1194
01:11:45,592 --> 01:11:46,927
-What did I do?
-Keep 'em up!

1195
01:11:47,011 --> 01:11:49,471
You can go to hell!

1196
01:11:49,555 --> 01:11:52,474
Don't say that to the officers!
We're working on our manners.

1197
01:11:52,558 --> 01:11:53,809
Arms behind your back.

1198
01:11:53,892 --> 01:11:56,312
Officer, I think there's a mistake,
I'm his step--

1199
01:11:56,895 --> 01:11:58,731
Ow! What are you doing?

1200
01:12:00,316 --> 01:12:04,653
My, my, my, my, my.
What a scene. What a scene.

1201
01:12:04,737 --> 01:12:07,072
Thank you, officers. A job very well done.

1202
01:12:07,156 --> 01:12:09,408
-The boy is safe now.
-What are you doing here?

1203
01:12:09,491 --> 01:12:11,702
We told you we were gonna
keep an eye on you.

1204
01:12:11,785 --> 01:12:15,080
Oh, Mr. Bloom, you've disappointed us.
We thought you were the one.

1205
01:12:15,748 --> 01:12:17,624
"We"? Who-- Who's "we"?

1206
01:12:17,708 --> 01:12:19,918
You come with me now, sweet pea.

1207
01:12:20,002 --> 01:12:24,048
-The reverend will be so glad to see you.
-I don't want to!

1208
01:12:24,131 --> 01:12:26,925
The reverend? No. You can't take him!
He's just a child!

1209
01:12:27,009 --> 01:12:31,847
Sure he is. And I'm just a sweet little
old lady who evolved from an amoeba.

1210
01:12:31,930 --> 01:12:34,058
-Get in the car.
-No, you can't do this!

1211
01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:37,770
Daddy!

1212
01:12:37,853 --> 01:12:39,313
Daddy, help!

1213
01:12:39,396 --> 01:12:41,440
-Daddy!
-I'm coming to get you, buddy.

1214
01:12:41,523 --> 01:12:44,318
-Come on, get in the car.
-Lucas!

1215
01:12:52,910 --> 01:12:56,455
All right, back up. Come on, back it up.

1216
01:12:58,457 --> 01:13:00,250
Holy fuck!

1217
01:13:15,099 --> 01:13:16,100
Hi, Gar.

1218
01:13:16,183 --> 01:13:18,769
Hey, it's me. They took Lucas.

1219
01:13:20,938 --> 01:13:23,482
-Who took Lucas?
-The CPS lady.

1220
01:13:23,565 --> 01:13:26,402
But it's not my fault, I swear.
Now, look...

1221
01:13:27,027 --> 01:13:29,988
She's taking him to the reverend,
who I think is a cult leader.

1222
01:13:30,072 --> 01:13:33,450
Okay, and they think that Lucas is evil,
which m-may or may not be true,

1223
01:13:33,534 --> 01:13:36,578
because, let's face it, in life,
he's gonna make his own choices,

1224
01:13:36,662 --> 01:13:37,996
no matter who his father is.

1225
01:13:38,080 --> 01:13:40,290
Gary, you don't know
what you're talking about.

1226
01:13:40,374 --> 01:13:42,793
I'm talking about free will, Sam!

1227
01:13:42,876 --> 01:13:46,338
And I'm talking about him being able
to be whoever he wants to be.

1228
01:13:46,422 --> 01:13:50,843
Now, look, I need you to call the police
and settle just a minor Amber Alert.

1229
01:13:53,595 --> 01:13:55,264
Hello, my dear. Time to go.

1230
01:13:55,848 --> 01:13:58,100
-I am not going anywhere with you.
-Sam?

1231
01:13:59,476 --> 01:14:01,603
Samantha?

1232
01:14:01,687 --> 01:14:02,771
No!

1233
01:14:02,855 --> 01:14:03,856
-Take her to the car.
-Gary!

1234
01:14:03,939 --> 01:14:05,983
-Sam!
-Gary!

1235
01:14:06,066 --> 01:14:09,361
No! No! No!

1236
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:12,865
She's feisty. Find the knife.
It's here somewhere.

1237
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:15,576
Sam? Samantha?!

1238
01:14:16,410 --> 01:14:17,911
Sam? Shit!

1239
01:14:22,499 --> 01:14:25,669
Hey. Hey. Psst. You!

1240
01:14:26,670 --> 01:14:28,255
No, I can't be quiet.
You have to come here.

1241
01:14:28,338 --> 01:14:30,883
Open this door. Right now! Come on!

1242
01:14:32,217 --> 01:14:33,302
Come...

1243
01:14:34,761 --> 01:14:36,597
Hey, you gotta open this door.

1244
01:14:36,680 --> 01:14:39,057
Okay? My son's in trouble.
I have to save him.

1245
01:14:39,141 --> 01:14:42,019
Come on! Open the door! Right now! Please!

1246
01:14:46,148 --> 01:14:47,941
Holy shit. Thank you.

1247
01:14:50,027 --> 01:14:53,322
I gotta go, but I owe you one. Okay?

1248
01:14:56,325 --> 01:14:57,618
Save the child.

1249
01:14:57,701 --> 01:14:59,411
He is our only hope.

1250
01:15:13,133 --> 01:15:15,719
-You can do this!
-Don't give up!

1251
01:15:36,240 --> 01:15:37,991
Hey. Hey, hi!

1252
01:15:38,075 --> 01:15:40,661
Jeremy, what's up?
Is your dad around, by any chance?

1253
01:15:40,744 --> 01:15:43,539
No, my dad left so he could
bang hot women and get high.

1254
01:15:43,622 --> 01:15:45,249
Okay. How about your stepdad?

1255
01:15:45,874 --> 01:15:48,752
-Thanks, buddy. Gar, what's up?
-Hey. Good to see you.

1256
01:15:48,835 --> 01:15:49,962
Um...

1257
01:15:50,045 --> 01:15:52,297
-Listen, can you help me saw these off?
-Shit.

1258
01:15:52,381 --> 01:15:54,883
-They're uncomfortable.
-I been meaning to talk to you anyway.

1259
01:15:54,967 --> 01:15:56,426
Let's hit the man cave pronto.

1260
01:16:03,350 --> 01:16:04,643
Check this out.

1261
01:16:05,477 --> 01:16:09,022
It seems to say that the evil child
is not Satan himself,

1262
01:16:09,106 --> 01:16:10,399
but a portal to Satan.

1263
01:16:10,941 --> 01:16:13,819
And that by killing him,
that portal will open,

1264
01:16:13,902 --> 01:16:16,280
and the real Satan
can then enter his body,

1265
01:16:16,363 --> 01:16:18,031
and the end of the world will ensue.

1266
01:16:18,574 --> 01:16:21,743
That's what he was saying about
his real father wanting full custody.

1267
01:16:21,827 --> 01:16:23,495
Shit, dude, that's never good.

1268
01:16:24,204 --> 01:16:27,499
Those guys, Gozamel and the reverend,
they wanted me to kill Lucas.

1269
01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:29,960
Right, to bring on the apocalypse.

1270
01:16:30,043 --> 01:16:32,212
-But now that you dropped that ball...
-They're gonna do it themselves.

1271
01:16:33,130 --> 01:16:35,340
-But they have to do it...
-On hallowed ground.

1272
01:16:35,424 --> 01:16:37,968
-Yeah.
-If we knew where that was, we could...

1273
01:16:38,051 --> 01:16:41,179
The nunnery. Al, the nunnery.
That's why the reverend bought it.

1274
01:16:41,263 --> 01:16:44,057
He's gonna have, like,
a blowout party, sacrifice Lucas

1275
01:16:44,141 --> 01:16:45,601
and open up the doors of hell.

1276
01:16:47,185 --> 01:16:48,770
Doesn't parenting suck?

1277
01:16:48,854 --> 01:16:49,980
Yes!

1278
01:16:50,564 --> 01:16:52,232
The place is basically a fortress.

1279
01:16:52,316 --> 01:16:54,318
There's no way we're gonna be able
to get in there.

1280
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:58,322
-What are you doing?
-It takes a village, you know?

1281
01:16:58,989 --> 01:17:00,907
But how are we gonna get in there?

1282
01:17:00,991 --> 01:17:05,037
They say there's a reason for everything,
don't they? I think I found my reason.

1283
01:17:26,975 --> 01:17:29,186
Whoa, that's a big truck.

1284
01:17:29,269 --> 01:17:31,730
-No, it's a small truck.
-With big tires.

1285
01:17:31,813 --> 01:17:34,608
-Is this vehicle equipped with airbags?
-Let's ride, bitches!

1286
01:17:43,200 --> 01:17:45,410
-Al, can you go any faster?
-Hang on!

1287
01:18:15,357 --> 01:18:18,026
Did you really think
you could hide from me...

1288
01:18:18,610 --> 01:18:22,614
go off and marry some fool
and try to forget?

1289
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:30,163
This is your destiny.

1290
01:18:35,085 --> 01:18:37,963
The end is our destiny!

1291
01:18:42,426 --> 01:18:43,510
Oh!

1292
01:18:44,928 --> 01:18:46,304
Oh, fuck!

1293
01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:50,142
Turn off the vehicle.
Come out with your hands in the air.

1294
01:18:50,225 --> 01:18:51,435
What the shit is that?

1295
01:18:51,518 --> 01:18:54,563
Okay, there may be a bit of
an Amber Alert out on me,

1296
01:18:54,646 --> 01:18:56,356
but it's a mistake, I swear.

1297
01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:59,484
Can I say at this point?
I think we might be doing something wrong.

1298
01:18:59,568 --> 01:19:01,778
We're not doing anything wrong. Okay?

1299
01:19:01,862 --> 01:19:04,990
And Lucas, he's not Satan.
He's just a portal to Satan.

1300
01:19:05,073 --> 01:19:08,118
And good parenting,
it's about keeping that portal shut.

1301
01:19:09,077 --> 01:19:10,120
Man, that's so true.

1302
01:19:10,203 --> 01:19:11,246
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

1303
01:19:11,329 --> 01:19:13,415
Those guys, they can't stop us.

1304
01:19:13,498 --> 01:19:15,041
Nobody can stop us.

1305
01:19:15,125 --> 01:19:16,334
You know why?

1306
01:19:17,002 --> 01:19:18,336
Because this is my destiny.

1307
01:19:18,420 --> 01:19:20,922
-I'm with you 100%, man!
-Yeah, me too!

1308
01:19:21,006 --> 01:19:22,966
So you're sure
we're doing the right thing?

1309
01:19:23,049 --> 01:19:24,843
-Yeah! Yes, we are.
-Yes!

1310
01:19:24,926 --> 01:19:26,553
Let's go blow up that nunnery!

1311
01:19:26,636 --> 01:19:27,596
-Yeah!
-Ah!

1312
01:19:27,679 --> 01:19:31,349
-Al? Do you think we can make it?
-Are you kidding me, bro? Hold on!

1313
01:19:42,194 --> 01:19:43,445
Fuck!

1314
01:19:54,331 --> 01:19:55,999
Brothers and sisters,

1315
01:19:57,793 --> 01:20:01,797
the time has come
to revel in the glory of the rapture.

1316
01:20:01,880 --> 01:20:02,964
Behold.

1317
01:20:03,048 --> 01:20:05,342
He who knows no bounds to evil.

1318
01:20:06,510 --> 01:20:08,970
The one, the only...

1319
01:20:09,638 --> 01:20:10,764
the Antichrist!

1320
01:20:18,522 --> 01:20:19,981
-Fuck!
-Don't stop. Keep going!

1321
01:20:20,065 --> 01:20:21,900
Dude, I'm not stopping for anything, man!

1322
01:20:23,652 --> 01:20:25,695
-The fence! The fence! The fence!
-Whoa! Whoa!

1323
01:20:30,617 --> 01:20:32,994
-We don't have much time!
-Gozer said it has to happen by six.

1324
01:20:33,078 --> 01:20:34,704
We've got five minutes!

1325
01:20:37,874 --> 01:20:39,334
-It's locked, guys.
-Fuck!

1326
01:20:39,417 --> 01:20:41,628
There's a window!
We can break it and go through it.

1327
01:20:41,711 --> 01:20:43,964
Come on, give it a try!

1328
01:20:45,382 --> 01:20:48,718
- Get up. Put it up.
- Come on. Come on!

1329
01:20:48,802 --> 01:20:50,720
-Put it up.
-All right, higher.

1330
01:20:50,804 --> 01:20:51,847
Guys, I have the key.

1331
01:20:52,597 --> 01:20:55,141
Guys, I'm a real estate agent.
I have the key!

1332
01:20:56,393 --> 01:20:57,769
I'm the Keymaster.

1333
01:20:58,270 --> 01:21:00,564
-Well, then open the door, dipshit.
-Okay.

1334
01:21:03,358 --> 01:21:04,317
Ah...

1335
01:21:04,609 --> 01:21:05,485
Okay, got it.

1336
01:21:08,530 --> 01:21:11,783
-Come on, let's go!
-Go, go, go!

1337
01:21:11,867 --> 01:21:15,453
You! You were never meant to be the one...

1338
01:21:17,247 --> 01:21:18,665
Nice punch, Gary.

1339
01:21:18,748 --> 01:21:21,459
Yeah, you really laid out
that very tiny woman.

1340
01:21:21,543 --> 01:21:23,420
Maybe take it easy on the old ladies, huh?

1341
01:21:23,503 --> 01:21:25,589
-Big Guy might be watching.
-Come on, guys.

1342
01:21:31,386 --> 01:21:32,512
Or not.

1343
01:21:39,519 --> 01:21:40,604
Guys.

1344
01:21:53,575 --> 01:21:55,619
The time is close, my son.

1345
01:21:56,661 --> 01:21:58,496
Yours is the greatest sacrifice.

1346
01:22:00,415 --> 01:22:02,626
You are but a vessel for greatness!

1347
01:22:03,627 --> 01:22:07,047
Kill the child!
Kill the child! Kill the child!

1348
01:22:07,130 --> 01:22:09,549
Kill the child! Kill the child!

1349
01:22:29,444 --> 01:22:31,529
- Hey. Psst.
- Get away from me!

1350
01:22:32,364 --> 01:22:34,866
It's me.

1351
01:22:36,201 --> 01:22:38,244
-What are you doing?
-We're here to save you.

1352
01:22:38,328 --> 01:22:40,538
-Get up there and do something.
-Right.

1353
01:22:40,622 --> 01:22:41,957
The time has come!

1354
01:22:42,040 --> 01:22:44,918
-Ten, nine, eight...
-They're gonna kill him, Gar!

1355
01:22:45,001 --> 01:22:46,878
-...seven, six.
-Heads up.

1356
01:22:46,962 --> 01:22:48,838
Five, four...

1357
01:22:48,922 --> 01:22:51,925
-It's all up to you now, buddy.
-...three, two, one!

1358
01:22:52,008 --> 01:22:54,511
The time has come
to open the gates of hell!

1359
01:22:56,262 --> 01:22:57,681
Gary, now!

1360
01:23:06,606 --> 01:23:07,440
Oh, my God.

1361
01:23:07,524 --> 01:23:09,442
Go, go, go, go, go!

1362
01:23:10,777 --> 01:23:13,321
-Get away!
-No, look! It's us!

1363
01:23:13,405 --> 01:23:14,698
We met at the party.

1364
01:23:14,781 --> 01:23:15,865
-I'm Larry.
-Al?

1365
01:23:15,949 --> 01:23:17,450
-It's us.
-It was, like, a Tuesday.

1366
01:23:18,743 --> 01:23:19,911
You messing with my boy?

1367
01:23:19,995 --> 01:23:23,331
Because you mess with my boy,
you mess with me!

1368
01:23:24,416 --> 01:23:28,586
As for the rest of you,
you should be ashamed of yourselves.

1369
01:23:28,670 --> 01:23:29,671
Really, all of you.

1370
01:23:29,754 --> 01:23:33,925
I think you need to do
some real soul searching.

1371
01:23:34,926 --> 01:23:39,347
Look yourselves in the mirror and say,
"Is this who I really want..."

1372
01:23:39,431 --> 01:23:40,473
Oh, shit.

1373
01:23:40,557 --> 01:23:43,143
..."to... be...?"

1374
01:23:44,019 --> 01:23:45,145
Oh, shit.

1375
01:23:45,854 --> 01:23:47,397
Hey, Lucas?

1376
01:23:48,440 --> 01:23:49,691
You okay, buddy?

1377
01:24:07,876 --> 01:24:09,169
Lucas!

1378
01:24:09,669 --> 01:24:10,587
Lucas!

1379
01:24:12,172 --> 01:24:13,048
Lucas!

1380
01:24:19,095 --> 01:24:21,139
I got you, buddy! I got you!

1381
01:24:22,390 --> 01:24:24,225
Let me go!

1382
01:24:24,309 --> 01:24:27,020
-No!
-You must let me go!

1383
01:24:27,103 --> 01:24:28,897
No! I won't!

1384
01:24:31,566 --> 01:24:33,735
- Daddy?
- Yes, Lucas?

1385
01:24:34,861 --> 01:24:36,071
I'm scared.

1386
01:24:36,738 --> 01:24:38,156
Don't be scared, sweetie.

1387
01:24:39,240 --> 01:24:43,703
- I got you.
- Let him go!

1388
01:24:51,628 --> 01:24:54,839
Okay, maybe a little fear
is totally justified,

1389
01:24:54,923 --> 01:24:56,549
but I'm not letting you go!

1390
01:24:56,633 --> 01:24:58,009
I'm never letting go, buddy!

1391
01:24:58,093 --> 01:25:01,096
-Why?
-Because I'm your father!

1392
01:25:01,179 --> 01:25:02,722
And I love you!

1393
01:25:02,806 --> 01:25:05,683
You're his stepfather!

1394
01:25:15,568 --> 01:25:16,861
I'm not leaving you!

1395
01:25:27,872 --> 01:25:29,165
Fuck!

1396
01:25:30,542 --> 01:25:31,709
Oh, my God.

1397
01:25:31,793 --> 01:25:33,545
-You okay?
-Yeah.

1398
01:25:34,420 --> 01:25:35,880
-Gary.
-Gary.

1399
01:25:42,345 --> 01:25:43,179
Lucas!

1400
01:25:45,098 --> 01:25:46,141
Gary!

1401
01:25:48,977 --> 01:25:51,729
-I'm sorry.
-I'm so sorry.

1402
01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:01,489
Oh, my God!

1403
01:26:03,700 --> 01:26:05,076
-Help him up!
-Come on.

1404
01:26:05,160 --> 01:26:06,578
-Easy.
-All right.

1405
01:26:10,415 --> 01:26:11,541
Let him breathe.

1406
01:26:11,624 --> 01:26:13,918
That's some Indiana Jones shit, dawg.

1407
01:26:14,419 --> 01:26:17,297
Holy shit. Oh, my God.

1408
01:26:17,380 --> 01:26:20,008
He's probably got minor scrapes,
but you know...

1409
01:26:20,466 --> 01:26:23,052
-It's 'cause of us. It's 'cause of us.
-We did good.

1410
01:26:23,136 --> 01:26:27,098
Hon, you told me when you're a parent,
you hope for the best,

1411
01:26:27,182 --> 01:26:28,474
but prepare for the worst.

1412
01:26:28,558 --> 01:26:30,727
-Yeah.
-Please tell me that was it.

1413
01:26:32,103 --> 01:26:34,063
You did it.

1414
01:26:34,147 --> 01:26:35,940
You really came through for us.

1415
01:26:36,774 --> 01:26:38,026
You're the one, baby.

1416
01:26:38,735 --> 01:26:40,028
You were always the one.

1417
01:26:40,612 --> 01:26:41,696
I love you.

1418
01:26:45,867 --> 01:26:47,035
I love you, too.

1419
01:26:49,662 --> 01:26:51,372
I wish I had a bonding moment
like this with my son.

1420
01:26:53,166 --> 01:26:55,793
-Not exactly like this.
-A milkshake with two straws.

1421
01:26:55,877 --> 01:26:58,671
No, I know, a Little League game,
like, a ball game or something.

1422
01:26:58,755 --> 01:26:59,589
I mean, there was fucking--

1423
01:26:59,714 --> 01:27:01,382
The child must die!

1424
01:27:01,466 --> 01:27:02,717
-Mom!
-Come on.

1425
01:27:06,387 --> 01:27:09,098
Oh, shit!

1426
01:27:09,557 --> 01:27:11,851
Don't ever fuck with my kid again!

1427
01:27:12,435 --> 01:27:13,811
-Okay.
-That's bad-ass.

1428
01:27:13,895 --> 01:27:17,065
They both punch really well, like,
when people run up to them in churches.

1429
01:27:17,148 --> 01:27:18,900
Can we get out of here?
I just wanna get out of here.

1430
01:27:20,026 --> 01:27:21,027
Yeah.

1431
01:27:21,110 --> 01:27:22,820
-I think we go.
-Okay, let's go.

1432
01:27:23,571 --> 01:27:26,699
Let's go, guys.
Come on. Tomorrow's a new day.

1433
01:27:26,783 --> 01:27:28,117
- Yeah.
- Oh, boy.

1434
01:27:28,785 --> 01:27:30,370
You know, this might sound weird,

1435
01:27:30,453 --> 01:27:33,915
but I think maybe
we should go get some ice cream.

1436
01:27:33,998 --> 01:27:36,084
I still have my kid's backpack
in my trunk.

1437
01:27:36,167 --> 01:27:38,419
We go get ice cream,
and then all shit in it.

1438
01:27:38,503 --> 01:27:41,631
- I can shit in your backpack now.
- Yeah, sure, why not?

1439
01:27:41,714 --> 01:27:44,634
I already shit my pants, though.
I don't know if I have any left.

1440
01:27:59,274 --> 01:28:00,650
All right, you guys are up next.

1441
01:28:00,733 --> 01:28:02,860
-No, no, no. We're not ready.
-Yes, we are.

1442
01:28:02,944 --> 01:28:05,571
-Dad, we're fine.
-Okay, best of luck to both you guys.

1443
01:28:06,239 --> 01:28:09,867
Lucas, we are not ready yet.
I haven't adjusted the steering column.

1444
01:28:09,951 --> 01:28:12,328
-The brakes--
-Stop worrying, okay?

1445
01:28:12,412 --> 01:28:15,415
-Okay. All right.
-You just have to trust me.

1446
01:28:15,498 --> 01:28:16,499
I trust you.

1447
01:28:16,582 --> 01:28:18,960
-And I'm driving.
-What?

1448
01:28:19,043 --> 01:28:21,212
No, no, no. You can't drive. You're six.

1449
01:28:22,880 --> 01:28:25,800
All right, just don't turn too hard
in either direction, okay?

1450
01:28:25,883 --> 01:28:27,468
Just try to keep it steady.

1451
01:28:27,552 --> 01:28:29,137
Whoa!

1452
01:28:29,220 --> 01:28:31,389
Look at the cool design on that one!

1453
01:28:31,472 --> 01:28:34,642
I'm not gonna lie, man.
That's pretty fucking rad, bro!

1454
01:28:34,726 --> 01:28:36,311
-There they go! Let's go!
-Shit!

1455
01:28:36,894 --> 01:28:39,981
-Hey! Who wants it more, baby?
-Go defense!

1456
01:28:40,064 --> 01:28:42,108
Go, Gary! Go, Lucas!

1457
01:28:43,443 --> 01:28:45,445
Not too much! Back the other way!

1458
01:28:46,321 --> 01:28:49,949
Hang on, Dad.
Things are just about to get interesting.

1459
01:28:50,033 --> 01:28:52,327
- Lucas! Lucas!
- Yeah!