Advertisement
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up,
it unlocks many cool features!
- >Death.
- >Death is change.
- >Death is the end.
- >Death is the beginning.
- >Death is the GREATEST MAN ALIVE!
- >From the window that pears into the interdimensional void a blue sun in the shape of a skull descends from the nothingness.
- >The blue light shines into the window and onto a magnifying glass that's tilied over a string.
- >The light is amplified and burns through the string, which causes the ball it was attached to roll onto a track.
- >The ball rolls down a long windy rail before exiting off at a desk and crashing into a small toy car.
- >The momentum from the ball causes the car to go flying off the desk and land directly on my alarm next to my bed.
- >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwiuR6SLy-0
- >I awake.
- "First fo- wait shit, I'm alone now."
- >Damn I had a good one thought up too.
- >Oh well.
- >I throw off my sheets, revealing my already suited up body.
- >Sleeping in clothes saves a ton of time when you're on a tight schedule like me.
- >I enter my bathroom and grab a burrito from the medicine cabinet.
- >Taking a bite, I walk to the tub and grab a measuring cup on top of the massive pile of sugar in the tub.
- >Having all I need, I head for my door and exit my 'home'...
- >...And end up outside of a outhouse nearby Fluttershy's cottage.
- >You see after we all made it back into Equestria as our separate beings most of us ended up with living with the ones we had the closest bond with.
- >Sadly not all of us had a place to stay.
- >First day in Equestria I was a homeless man.
- >But thankfully since Discord gained all of his power back after Luna removed that pesky headband he was able to help me out.
- >And thus he turned this outhouse into my house.
- >Basically half the time when you open the door you either get a very run down toilet or the entrance to my killer pad in the chaos void.
- >I call it Schrodinger's Shitter.
- >Anyway I walk up to the cottage and give the door my signature three quick knocks.
- "HEY TEMPERANCE! FLUTTERSHY! YOU HOME?"
- >I hear a distance 'Fuck me not again' as the sound of footsteps gets closer before the door opens.
- >"Good morning, Death."
- >"Hello Mary."
- >I open my mouth to speak but Temperance holds his hand up.
- >"Let me guess. You need to borrow a cup of sugar."
- >I grin
- "You know it!"
- >"Well your answer is no. Goodbye."
- >"Temperance! Death is our friend. Of course he can borrow some sugar."
- >"Shy he's been borrowing exactly one cup sugar every single fucking day! If he needs more he can buy it himself!"
- "I can't afford it."
- >"You hear that? It would be cruel of us not to help him out!"
- >"He's clearly lying! And even if he isn't what the hell he is even doing with all of that sugar?"
- "I bake."
- >I feel Temperance staring at me behind his mask.
- >"You bake."
- "Affirmative."
- >"..."
- "..."
- >"..."
- "..."
- >"Just take it."
- "THANK YOU!"
- >I reach for a hug but all I get is a box of sugar to the face and a door slammed.
- >I pour the contents of the box into my pocket and toss the box.
- >This actually reminds me of that time wh-
- >"Monologuing in your head again, Death?"
- "Man, I told you not to interrupt my train of thought!"
- >"Well excuuse me! I'll just be taking my leave."
- "No no no! Dis, wait! I needed to speak to you anyway. Do you got the 'stuff'"
- >"Yes yes, I have all sorts of recreational drugs."
- >A coat appears on Discord's body and he opens it up.
- >"What's your fancy today? Weed? Shrooms? They all cost a badger."
- "What? No! I meant the letters!"
- >"Oh right. That."
- >A stack of envelopes appear in his hand.
- "Yes you got them!"
- >"Of course I did. It was a simple task for one as magnificent as myself."
- >"Mhmm"
- >I grab a letter and lightly open it.
- >COME ON AN-
- >I close it.
- >It's perfect.
- >How Discord was able to embed youtube links to paper I have no idea.
- >I wonder if I can get him to print out some gifs for me.
- >Actually if he does I cou-
- >"Monologuing."
- "Fuck you!"
- >"By the by I quite like that image you have of me in your head, but I think I can make it better."
- "What?"
- >...
- >I burst out laughing.
- "Holy shit."
- >"Oh you enjoyed that? Well you haven't seen nothing yet!"
- >Discord prepares to do something but I stop him.
- "Hehehaha.... That was funny but I can't stick around. I gotta carry out our plan."
- >"Oh alright. Give those green men a good slamming for me. Ta ta!"
- >Discord slams himself out of existence.
- >...
- >I'm not really sure what I just described either but he's gone.
- >Anyway off to my first stop.
- >Tower and Lovers house!
- >Arriving at my destination I give the door my signature knock.
- >"Oh hello Death. What bring you hear this morning?"
- "Yo Trix! Is Tower here? I wanted to speak to him."
- >"He's currently passed out in bed."
- "Oh I see. Well I actually had this letter for him. Mind if I just leave it in the study?"
- >"Sure go ahead, he won't mind."
- >With that, Trixie leaves me to my own devices.
- >Major mistake.
- >He's gonna mind alright.
- >Thankfully due to my habit of breaking into houses for the hell of it, I already know the layout of the place and quickly find the study.
- >Once in the study I pull out the letter and look for a good place to put it.
- >Then I notice something on the desk.
- >Tower's mask.
- "Oh man."
- >The things I could do with that!
- >Giggling, I take the mask and put the letter in it's place.
- >Sure this isn't apart of the plan but man I can't pass this chance up.
- >Anyway that's one down. Next is Justice.
- >I quickly make my exit.
- https://youtu.be/_MCcKyyptuM?list=PL3tZU636q_oo67AfXJAv96LT_vyIqUbka [Embed]
- >"MMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY!"
- >Guess Tower woke up.
- >Better skedaddle
- >I make my way to Sugarcube Corner and enter.
- >...
- >And exit.
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XYBy1vCRQg
- >"Son of a BITCH, MARY!"
- >Kek.
- >Next one.
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_XoXeSy8eM
- >"MOTHERFUCKER"
- >Next!
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCeovAd7iOQ
- >"You think that's funny Death? DON'T FORGET WHO PUT YOU IN THE RAPE CHAMBER!"
- >N-n-n-next!
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovWk0ODCExs
- >"WHY IS THIS IN MY CLOSET!"
- >Keep going!
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA1hO7YfDvU
- >"I'M GONNA KILL YOU DEATH!"
- >Good luck! I'm behind seven proxies!
- "Man I should I have said that."
- >Damn.
- >Anyway I'm currently crawling in Hanged Man vents to carefully place this letter above him.
- >I can see him scribbling in something below me.
- >I carefully tie the letter to a string and slowly descend it.
- >"HAY-"
- >SHIT!
- >I pull it up.
- >"-HANGED MAN WE'RE GOING ON A MARY RAID. YOU WANT IN?"
- >"Ok, What did he do this time?"
- >"SOMETHING ABOUT SLAMMING TOWER EVERYONE'S AFTER HIM. NO ONE KNOWS WHO HE WILL SLAM NEXT."
- >"Yeah I'll be there in just a sec."
- >Aw fuck.
- >This wasn't apart of the plan.
- >Okay okay. As long as I can make it back home I'm pretty much homefree.
- >I make my way back out of the vents and to the outside.
- >"I SEE HIM! HE'S CRAWLING OUT OF HANGED MAN'S PLACE!"
- >FUCK
- >I make a break for it and dart to the nearest allyway.
- >"HE WENT THAT WAY!"
- "NOT GONNA CATCH ME!"
- >I make it to the otherside and into a crowd of ponies.
- >Thank god most pones are small enough to jump right over.
- >"Hey!"
- "Sorry!"
- >"Watch it!"
- "Excuse me!"
- >"Do it that again!"
- "Not today Lyra!"
- >As I'm hopping I take a look behind me and see the masked Legion of men making their way towards me with surprising speed.
- "CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?"
- >"YOU'RE DEAD MEAT MARY!"
- "ROOD!"
- >Fuck they're gaining on me.
- >My eyes dart around and I spot Purplesmart's castle.
- >IDEA!
- >I start making my way towards there...
- >When a green man jumps from nowhere infront of me!
- >"I GOT YOU!"
- "NOT TODAY!"
- >I move my hand faster than I knew I could and reach for my pocket.
- "POCKET SUGAR!"
- >"FUCK MY EYES!"
- "NOTHIN PERSONELL MAGICIAN!"
- >I make my way past him and finally arrive at my destination.
- >I pull out Tower's Mask and equip it.
- >Five steps into the castle and I'm greeted by Twilight.
- >"Oh hello Tower. What's up?"
- "I'm just here to pick up a spellbook for this new performance me and Trixie are doing. Mind if I grab it?"
- >Please don't notice I'm not him.
- >I can feel the gods roll a d20 in the heavens.
- >"Oh sure no problem. Do you need help finding it? I got nothing better to do since Priestess ran out to join some 'raid'"
- >I feel like I just got myself A NAT 20 BABY!
- "No I got it, thanks."
- >I quickly turn the corner when I hear my pursuers bust in.
- >"TWILIGHT YOU SEEN DEATH?"
- >"No but I did just see Tower."
- >"HE'S USING TOWERS MASK. WHICH WAY DID HE GO?"
- >FUCK!
- >I start sprinting down the hallway.
- >I make many twists and turns while slowly heading upwards...
- >And on to the roof.
- >Fuck there's no exit from here.
- >I'm trapped.
- >I make my way to the edge.
- >Man it's a nice view from up here.
- >All those ponies look like ants.
- >Speaking of ants I-
- >"Mooooooonooooolooooguing..." A familiar voice whispers from nowhere.
- >Quit interrupting my thoughts!
- >Fuck, what was I thinking about?
- >"MARY!"
- >SHIT!
- >I turn around.
- >"THERE'S NO PLACE TO RUN!"
- >"TIME TO GET SOME PAYBACK!"
- >"I WANT MY MASK BACK DAMN IT!"
- "Uh. I'm sorry?"
- >"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!"
- >"WE'RE GONNA TIE YOU UP LIKE A PINATA AND BEAT YOU!"
- >"AND THEN I'M THROWING YOU IN THE RAPE DUNGEON!"
- "Ha! I know for a fact that only existed inside Anon! It doesn't exist anymore!"
- >"WE ALL RECREATED IT BEFORE HUNTING YOU DOWN!"
- >...
- "FUCK!"
- >I turn around and jump off the roof.
- >Death is better than going back in there.
- >"OH SHIT HE JUMPED!"
- >Is the last thing I hear as the howling wind blocks all sound.
- >Well this is it.
- >My ending.
- >Never thought I would die like this.
- >Huh.
- >Facing my own Death is kinda peaceful.
- >I wonder if it's gonna hurt?
- >My life starts to flash before my eyes...
- >I'm at a bar drinking with my main man Discord.
- "So what did you drag me out here to say?"
- >"I finally figured it out."
- "Figured what?"
- >"Why hot dogs come in packages of ten, but hot dog buns only come in packages of just eight!"
- >"See, the thing is, life doesn't always work out according to plan so be happy with what you've got, because you can always get a hot dog!"
- "Oh. That makes sense."
- >I take a sip of my drink.
- >...
- >Wait.
- "That makes no sense! Why did you drag me out here just to say that and actually, what the hell are we doing at a bar? I don't even drink!"
- >"Oh Death lighten up! You're about to go splat on the ground in a couple seconds. Why not enjoy your last moments with me?"
- "What?"
- >Oh shit wait.
- >This is my flashback.
- >I guess that explains why everything's black and white.
- >Man it's like a Noir flim in here.
- >I just wanna put on a fedora an-
- >...
- "Not gonna stop me?"
- >"Stop you from what?"
- "God damn it. Nevermind."
- >"Anyway I should get to the real point here."
- >Discord hands me a small orb.
- >"Use that to get out of this sticky situation. Chao!"
- "Huh? Wait how do I-"
- >I snap out of it and my fall resumes.
- >I look at my hand and somehow I'm still holding the orb.
- >The ground is approaching quickly.
- >By instinct I take the orb and smash it right at the spot I'm gonna land!
- >A portal rips open in spacetime...
- "BAAAAAANZAAAAAI!"
- >And I fall through it.
- >On the other side I notice I'm still falling.
- >Which would be bad if there was still ground underneath me.
- >Now there's just the local lake waiting to break my fall.
- "BASED DISCORD!"
- "DEEAAAAATHHH WINS AGAIN!"
- >Laughing, I do a cannonball and make a massive splash.
- >I'm quickly submerged in water and start sinking.
- >I better swim up to th-
- >Oh shit!
- >I forgot!
- >I can't swim!
- MARY DROWNED
- And was probably rescued by someone later.
- THE END
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement