General feedback:
The story attempts to convey an emotional tale. I can see the intent to create an interesting, serious atmosphere, but the writing doesn't quite manage to convey the story. Many sentences have a tendency to be a bit clunky. Several sentences could be trimmed, and convey the same emotion, but be far easier to read.


PO - In my personal opinion, this change would be better
ER - spelling / text error



PO/ER? "White hot amber" -> white is a color, and amber is a color, do you mean 'ember', as in something on fire?
PO -> remove ""and fading into the endless abys that is the world." (Sentence already conveys meaning without adding extra fluff on it)
ER "endless abys" -> Abyss

PO "A sharp sting entered the side of my head as the memories of the night before began to unwind from its bundled nonsense." -> "A sharp sting entered" feels a bit clunky to read. Same with "began to unwind from its bundeled nonsense.". Perhaps change to something like "The memories of yesterday resurfaced accompanied by a splitting headache."?

PO You start the next text-box with "And", which I feel is unneccesary." I think it should just start with "I looked up"
ER "uneven and celling" <- Not sure what this is supposed to mean, but not correct english
PO Sentence is too long, with two commas joining what could be three sentences. Id suggest rewriting, something like:
"And as i looked up at teh uneven and celling, illuminated only by the reflection of the moon's light against the wooden table beside my head, the world in my eyes began to topple as waves formed into droplets of salt who hastily rode down my cheek."
->
"I looked up at the celling, illuminated only by the reflection of the moon's light.

The world blurred as salty droplets ran down my cheek."

"It felt as solemn as the room i was in as the barely..." <- This sentence is too long, and contains too many references, difficult to read. Trying to convey a serious mood, but the sentence is bogged down by clunky sentence structure and confusing referencing.

PO "Sister michael" <- michael is a girl? Suggest changing to Michaela unless plot relevant / Intentional.

PO "As the echoes of my own de..." <- Once again, trying to cram too much detail into a single sentence, creating a clunky, difficult to read text-block. Example suggested change:
"I am answered only by echoes of my own desperate cry.

My lips quiver as the resurfacing memories shatters my pride." (I'm not sure what you're trying to convey with "my boastful self, 'pride' is the closest thing that makes sense to me)


PO "... it may have looked pleasant " <- Add punctuation, start new sentence.

ER "You'll see not but the " <- "You'll see nothing but the"

ER "It's seemingly" -> "Its"
ER "were not but" -> "were nothing but."
PO remove "seemingly", so it becomes "Its burnign eyes were nothing but muddled silver."

ER "It's entire being" -> "Its entire being."
PO "held nothing else but gray" -> remove "else"

ER "I tear my eyes from " -> switching from past tense to present tense. Previous sentence was past tense.

PO remove "without lag"

PO "take this key and go to the small"... Why is Sister Michael giving this advice after we've already started running? Or is this the memory he's remembering? Unclear. If this is a flashback sequence, it's unclear.

"Sister michael's well aged character..." -> too many memories / flashbacks / reveries in a short span, makes it confusing. Is the main character currently running away or in deep thought? Conflicting mental image.


PO Sister michaels speech goes a bit too long, feels a bit stiff. She doesn't seem like a character who's trying to speak in a hurry. "I am already nearing my death so this sacrifice will not be of much consequence!" -> "I am already at deaths door, don't worry about me."


PO "But instead, real and were nothing but"... <- remove this sentence, it's just repeating the previous sentence.

ER "borne" -> "born"


PO At this point in the story, the timeline is confusing. So, the house burned down, and he tried running away with others. But he also had a conversation with the sister? And then he wakes up an unknown amount of time later and sees the guy the sister was talking about?

PO "Yes i am real, and so is this situation." -> "This is real."

ER "I am sure that you have a lot of question"... -> "a lot of questions."
PO "I'm sure that you have a lot of questions.

"Rest assured, I have many answers."