>Hisao,
>This is difficult to do for me. I never told anybody besides my therapist about this. So please, please read it. I don't expect any answer to it. I don't expect anything from you, I only want you to know more about me.
>They pointed at me when I got out of the hospital. And even in the hospital, the way they looked at me, I knew they were disgusted. I am disgusted with myself. I hate myself. I cannot look at me in the mirror. Everyone stopped and stared, some pointed at me. They were whispering to their friends.
>I only wanted to see my friends again in school, somebody to distract me from what has happened. My parents...died. Sometimes, in my dreams, I can still hear my mother scream. She wanted to protect me. She screamed in agony until the heat had burnt her throat shut. Her grip on me tightened one last time. I forgot my own pain, I only held my mothers hand. The firefighters pulled me away from her. Why didn't they show up earlier? Just a few minutes? Everything would have been fine. I would sit at the dinner table with my parents now.
>I thought my friends would be different from everybody else. I thought they were happy to see me again. But...I wouldn't have been happy either. At first, they were scared of me, of my scars. After some days they started laughing at me. Everybody started laughing at me. They made fun of me, called me names. I sat alone in the schoolyard, on a bench, each and every break. But this wasn't enough to make them stop noticing me, making fun of me. I just wasn't supposed to be there. I was wrong, I was a mistake, a spot of dirt in their world. And they wanted me to know it. I wished for being invisible, each and every day. To make them happy that they wouldn't have to see me again.
>I hate myself. My mother died because of me. Without me, she would still be alive. My parents would be alive if it weren't for me. People are disgusted because of how I look. No matter how happy they were a second ago, once they see me I can see them becoming more and more disgusted by my presence. And I am, too. Day after day I have to look at this. If I could only erase myself.

>Lilly asked me if she could touch my face just to know what I look like. It was a couple of weeks after we first met. She only asked once. I could never let her. I could never let her know because I would disgust her. Even though she couldn't see me I knew that she would have been repulsed by the way I look.
>That is, until I met you, Hisao. You are the first person in my life that looked at me and still wanted to talk to me. That didn't point at me, didn't laugh. You never made fun of me. You changed so much in my life, Hisao. So very, very much. Yesterday, when Lilly and I drank tea in her room, I took her hand and placed it on my right cheek. She smiled while she was gently touching my face. She pulled me close to her when she noticed the little wet streaks coming down my eyes. She told me that I am a beautiful girl. It was the first time in my life that I didn't cry out of sadness or self-hatred.

>I enjoy it to spend time with you and Lilly. I enjoy sitting in our tea room. I enjoy reading in the library with you by my side. I enjoy our talks about books we have read because I know that you love them as much as I do. I never want to lose you, Hisao. I cannot lose you. I need you, Hisao.

>It was difficult to write this. I know that it is a long letter but I had to let you know about me. I want that you know how much you have changed in my life. I wanted you to know this because I hold you so very dear in my heart.
>I love you, Hisao.
>Hanako

>I take a long breath. There are crumpled pieces of paper scattered all over the desk.
>The ink is blotched in some places but I hope that you will be able to read it.
>I carefully fold the letter and look at it
>I couldn't sleep after what has happened, no matter how much Lilly tried to calm me down. You, collapsing on the ground...I was so scared Hisao. So very, very scared.
>I wonder if you are awake already. I can't wait to give you this letter.
>With a long sigh I stand up, my hands shaking a little bit as I reach for the door and open it
>Is Lilly is still in the wheat field?