Dulls puns 2019-06-10

The earth's rotation really makes my day.#When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.#The math teacher was hungry, but all she had to eat was a piece of pi.#Mathematicians are sum worshippers.#Telling a demolitionist how to do his job is destructive criticism.#What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.#Our maintenance guy lost his legs on the job, now he’s just a handyman.#Why did the Maesters need glasses? So they could Seymour.#Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds!#What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe#Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.#These puns have left me Wheezing with laughter#I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.#It takes guts to make a sausage.#Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.#I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.#Going to bed with music on gave him sound sleep.#Old programmers never die, they just can't C as well.#What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.#Installing a new bathroom fan is exhausting.#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#I got a job in a health club, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.#Simba, you're falling behind. I must ask you to Mufasa.#I'm not gonna Raichu a love song#I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.#My computer is so slow it hertz.#How much does the Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood BDs cost? An arm and a leg#What room has no floors, no ceiling and no walls? A mushroom!#The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.#An untalented gymast walks into a bar.#I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.#Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.#Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.#A butcher was trying so hard to be funny, but he just wasn't making the cut.#Why can't you trust Satan's resume? The devil lies in the details.#Never gonna let Mew down#"It sucks working from home today." Peter (52), Fireman#The one day of the week that eggs are definitely afraid of is Fry-day.#I got fired from my job as a software engineer. I just couldn't get with the program.#Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay. He woke up.#A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me so I asked him to leave me a loan.#While walking through the jungle with a black marker, I spotted a leopard.#Old carpenters never die, they just lumber around.#The key to job searching is looking inside yourself. It's all about the inner view.#I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.#Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.#I read this book about Mount Everest. It was quite the cliff hanger.#What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.#What kind of car does a sheep drive? Their SuBAHHru.#What do you give a tired programmer? Java.#Britain is a wet place since the queen has had a long reign.#What should you do if you are cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.#Why was the tree excited about the future? It was ready to turn over a new leaf!#When the dog swallowed a bell, his bark began pealing.#A sports coat worn on a hike is a trailblazer.#Thanks to my doctor, my Hypno longer hurts#Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.#What do you get when you cross a snoman and a vampire? Frost bite.#I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.#I thought I saw a spider on my laptop, but my friend said it was just a bug.#My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.#Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.#Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.#What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt.#I had a pun about insanity but then I lost it.#What is an Al-Bhed's favorite baked good? Un-Yevon-ed bread.#The meaning of opaque is unclear.#To be Frank, I'd have to change my name.#Things made in Australia are high koala-ty.#The best time of day to eat eggs is at the crack of dawn.#I just finished reading Newton's Principia Mathematica, and found much of it to be rather derivative.#Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.#Models of dragons are not to scale.#The first order of priority in hiring math majors is get them to sine on the dotted line#Why couldn't Tidus get along with his father? He lacked the sin-ergy.#A mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a trace#Oops, I jumped into the pool with my watch on. I don't know if it is waterproof or not. I guess only time will tell.#Abrupt appearance of sinkholes is ground breaking news for media men!#Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#What's a sailor's favorite meal? Fish and ships.#When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.#I didn't used to like duct-tape at first, but then I became very attached to it.#I heard that the post office was a male dominated industry.#What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.#Did you know a storm of Pokémon is called a Pokémonsoon?#What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.#People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters.#Things get tense when the future, the present, and the past walk into a shady bar.#The best place for a mathematician is behind a counter.#I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.#Why does Tidus live in a boathouse. Because he's from Zan-ARK-and.#My favourite travel destination is Paras#What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin.#What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine!#On Halloween October is nearly Octover.#The bomb didn't want to go off. So it refused.#Two mathematicians arguing about even numbers were at odds.#I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.#That reckless little egg always seems to egg-celerate when he sees the light turn yellow.#Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.#You will address me as "Sir", because Omanyte of the round table#Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.It would be truly alarming.#A guy goes to a club; the bouncer stops him. "No tie, no entry." He walks back to his car to find a tie. All he found were jumper cables so he puts them around his neck like a tie. He goes back and says "How's this?" The bouncer says "I'll let you in, but don't start anything."#Did you hear about that lightbulb party. It was totally lit.#I used to hate maths but then I realised decimals have a point.#Puns this good were certainly Onix-pected#What's a time traveler's favourite game? A Link to the Past#Did you hear about the man who got killed by a bear? It was a grizzly death.#What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.#It's no easy tusk to make a walrus pun!#What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.#After manually rotating the heavy machinery, the worker grew very cranky.#I haven't heard a pun in Mawhile#This stream never makes me Drowzee#Why is metal and a microwave a match made in heaven? When they met, sparks flew.#I turn on my Charmander pants come right off#Sausage puns are the wurst.#How does Ixion's anthem begin? "Djose can you see..."#Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.#The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.#Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.#I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.#I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.#Tree trimmers do such a fantastic job, they should take a bough.#What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.#Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician#Why are the Al-Bhed weary of the Yevonites? They're afraid they Maester up some trouble.#Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na#These puns have made my mind Exploud#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.#Although I like hard rock, sometimes I want to listen to Solrock#I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.#Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents.#If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?#Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.#To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!#The stripper was getting tired of the same old thong and dance.#A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.#How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.#How did I escape Iraq? Iran.#Why couldn’t the dead car drive into the cluttered garage? Lack of vroom.#What do you mean June is over? Julying.#What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.#I'm trying to date a philosophy professor, but she doesn't even know if I exist or not.#When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.#These puns raised Mesprit a bit#There's an anime about Okabe useing a washing machine to send clothes to the past. It's called Stains;Gate.#It is customary to say "lettuce begin" before a food fight.#Who said grapes are soft? They never cry when you step on them, they just let out a bit of wine.#I just found an origami porn channel, but it is paper view only.#The safe was invented by a cop and a robber. It was quite a combination.#It takes a lot of Braviary to utter a pun#I wanted to say a pun too but he didn't Leavanny for the rest of us.#The first drinking establishment in Alaska was a polar bar.#Ghost-writers lift the spirit of the readers.#Q: Why are flowers so hated by people? A: They have a certain stigma about them.#Why did the Al-Bhed dig a giant pit around their home and fill it with water? They wanted a Bikanel.#Why does the man want to buy nine rackets? Cause tennis too many.#I really look up to my tall friends.#I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO#The display of still-life art was not at all moving!#Why is it okay for Yuna to put her elbows on the table and chew with her mouth open during dinner? Because law only requires her to have Summoners.#What do Moogles use when they go shopping? Kupons.#Can February March? No, but April May.#What do you call a snake that studies past events? A hissssstorian#To write with a broken pencil is pointless.#Crosswords are what you hear when you distract someone working on a puzzle.#Did you hear about the mushroom? He's a fun guy#I can cut wood by looking at it. Trust me I saw it with my own eyes.#My buddy set me up on a blind date & said, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby." Felt like an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper.#Circling vultures are a dead giveaway.#Why are the Ronso fans of the United States? Because they are Yenke Doodle Dandys!#Why was Kimahri kicked out of the Ronso band? Because he was horn-less.#Mathematics teachers call retirement 'the aftermath'.#Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.#Old skiers never die. They just go down hill.#He was a great mathematician, although he did leave naught behind for his family.#What is the computer’s favorite food? Microchips.#Old math profs never die -- they just use strange expressions.#I collect vintage time pieces. When I see one I like at online auction, I put it on my watch list.#Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck.#About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.#I accepted a Knight shift job to become a security guard.#Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.#Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.#The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.#Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together. It's hard for them to stay in sink.#This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.#I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!#I read a book about gravity, it was a heavy subject.#Where do fish go on vacation? Finland.#Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.#I tried to catch some fog, I mist.#If you can't differentiate a blue collar and white collar worker by his hands, it is callous indifference.#I'd make a Pokepun but then I'd have to roll-out of here.#Sharks enjoy hobbies they can sink their teeth into.#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.#The obstetricians seem to celebrate labor day every day.#If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.#Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment.#This is not alcohol, water you thinking?!#In Spira, what is the proper age to begin your quest as a summoner? Pilgrim-age.#What's a Titan's favorite meal? Raw-men#Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.#My math class started working on 2D shapes, but I lost interest. It was just too plane.#A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.#Why is Rikku not a fan of Final Fantasy 13? She hates Lightning.#Young women who are mathematics professors closely watch their figures.#The scarecrow get promoted because he was outstanding in his field.#Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.#Yesterday a clown held the door for me. It was a nice jester.#Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.#One time somebody said if I was an element, I'd be copper. Then someone else told me I'm tellurium. Does that mean I'm CuTe?#What is a werewolf programmer’s favorite Java program? Eclipse.#The hunter stir-fried his game because he liked to wok on the wild side.#How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.#Could you call me on my Phione?#A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.#Math class is full of drama. There are so many problems to work out.#After spotting a hole in the net, the bluefin knew it was his oppurtunaty to escape.#How did Wakka go about naming his Blitzball team? He asked if they wanted paper, scissors, Auroch.#I lost a Sawk in the washing machine#Aladdin took Jasmine on a Magikarp-et ride#The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.#I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.#How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?#A man was arrested for strangling women's headwear accessories. When asked why, he said "I just had to chocobo."#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.#How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.#What did the girl say when she was accused of singing in class? "It's not me! It's hymn!"#Divers work under pressure.#What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.#Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.#What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? They get their masters.#I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.#Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written.#What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.#A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."#Have you seen the story of Braska's journey through the spheres Jecht left behind? It "shapes" up real nicely.#There’s no place like 127.0.0.1#A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."#Why should you never throw away an old dolphin? Because they can easily be re-porpoised!#What does a house wear? A dress.#I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.#Why did Tidus and crew ruin Yuna's wedding? They wanted to get a better Valefor her.#I'm changing my name to 'Benefits' on Facebook. Next time someone adds me, It will say "you are now friends with Benefits."#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!#How did Jesus' crucifixion save us? It's 'cause he nailed it!#I Luvdisc thing we've got going on#A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".#I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.#The man's pants zipper broke, but he fixed it on the fly.#What do you do to an open wardrobe? You closet.#A math professor in an unheated room is cold and calculating.#The plot twist in the movie Oriental Fish-press was a red herring all along.#Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!#The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.#Mail order cows were first shipped by raft down the Mississippi River. They traveled on cattle logs.#A mathematician who was also a horticulturist was interested in prime roots square roots and trees in general.#When milking a nervous goat, kid gloves should be used.#After eating the ship, the sea monster said, I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.#Before my father died he worked in a circus as a stilt walker. I used to look up to him.#I don't know any puns I Giratina#If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.#Your mama’s so FAT she can’t save files bigger than 4GB.#Why did Lulu never use chapstick? Because she was a fan of having Chappu lips.#I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.#The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted.#I couldn't get a reservation at the library. They were completely booked.#I had a real problem making a hard-boiled egg this morning until I cracked it.#My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.#What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"#I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.#With negative numbers, some math students become nonplussed.#The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner,there were strings attached.#Audino any more good puns#The chicken knew the first leg of his trip would take him to Buffalo. From there he would wing it.#The math teacher was an exponent of his own powers.#Have you heard about the film "Constipation", you probably haven't because it's not out yet.#I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap.#Why was Kimahri afraid of returning to Mt. Gagazet. He was scared of the cold reception.#A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.#Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils.#Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!#I used to make clown shoes… which was no small feat.#I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.#For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.#Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!#It's the barbecue I've always wanted - the grill of my dreams!#After bumping into a whale, the dolphin apologised and said "I didn't do it on purpoise"#Why did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!#I Marill bad judge of puns#Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.#How do mountains see? They peak.#Models of dragons are not to scale.#Circling vultures are a dead giveaway.#I tried to stop the bleeding, but all of my efforts were in vein.#As far as Sin vs the Crusaders go, you know what they say. When Sin wins, you Gatta have Luzzus.#Now that they allow us to wear jeans at the office everyday, I am no longer a slacker.#In the early morning there's Dewgong the grass#I cannot Bayleef it is not butter! Guess that means it's Butterfree.#The wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.#All the hens consider the chef to be very mean because he beats the eggs.#What did the swordsman say when challenged to a fight by the enemy? "You guys Auron!"#Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.#I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.#Did you hear about the pun that was actually funny? Neither have we.#Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#I met a math professor who has 12 children - she really knows how to multiply.#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from grandpa. He was known as the cod father.#When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com.#Why do people in Spira use fish instead of money for currency? Because everything is bought with gil.#His qualifications as a math teacher didn't add up.#How do you organize a fantastic space party? You planet.#I used to work at a fire hydrant factory couldn't park nowhere near the place.#I feel sorry for shopping carts. They’re always getting pushed around.#Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years.#The tallest building in the city is the library because it has so many stories.#Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.#Imagine if you would hit the clock in the morning and the clock would hit you right back. I think it would be truly alarming.#Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.#Two lambs are in a meadow. Which one frequents a casino? The one that's gambolling.#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#I don't mind kids playing hopscotch in most places, but my driveway is where I draw the line.#Why do people become butchers? So they can meat people.#Get back to work. Don't Slakoth!#Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.#We probably won't find any new puns, people already Rotom all.#The inept mathematician couldn't count on his friends.#I have problems with math but with chemistry, I have solutions.#Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck? Now he's hooked on the quack.#Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.#Any type of criticism would aggregate the builder including constructive criticism.#Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.#A good meteor shower can really rock your world.#What kind of fish is made out of sodium atoms? 2 Na#To write with a broken pencil is pointless.#What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.#I understand how gems were made. The concept is crystal clear to me.#What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.#I didn't understand the math, so the teacher summed it up for me.#Where do the people of Spira learn to summon Aeons? The Yunaversity#37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. They will be sentenced next Friday.#Have you ever tried to milk a cow which has been cut in half? Udder madness.#How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.#I wonder why there aren’t any more cemeteries around. People are really dying to get in there.#I touched an electric eel the other day. It was shocking.#Did you hear about the human cannonball? Too bad he got fired!#The tree that was creating energy was turned into a power-plant.#I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.#Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it.#My Sister was crying so I asked her if she was having a cry-sis.#I thought I saw a leopard but it was just a dotted line.#I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.#I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.#When computer programmers are hungry they take mega-bites.#What is a Yevonite's most hated pick-up line? Al-Bhed you.#What was the first thing Yuna asked when she met Auron? She wanted to know if he Nebraska.#A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.#I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.#On land crabs tend to use the sidewalk.#Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.#I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.#Why is Kimahri usually silent? He tends to find that nothing needs to Besaid.#Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.#Wife: "You're addicted to skin lotion!" Husband: "Go ahead. Rub it in my face."#I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.#What do you call a young musician? A minor.#Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.#My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she is a keeper.#A hydrologist has a high-pressure job.#There was a joke about fishing I was going to tell you. Oh no, I forgot the line!#Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.#Ho-oh's favourite drink is hydrogen peroxide#Why was Seymour so intent on seducing Yuna? He wanted to be her Villain-tine.#I touched an electric eel the other day. It was shocking.#What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces? Natural Logs.#These puns... Don't you Diglett#If people ask how many puns I made in Germany I reply, "nein"#What is the difference between a living and a dead Spiran? Why ask me, the difference is Farplane to see.#We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.#Did you hear about the invention of the white board? It was remarkable.#When the Park Warden spotted a Dalmatian off the leash, the owner received a spot fine!#My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.#A mountain climbing math teacher found an adder at the sum-mit.#My math teacher called me average. How mean!#The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.#The best time to open a gift is the present.#What do you call a french pig? Porque.#I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.#Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.#I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.#Hopefully this egg pun doesn't make your brain too fried or scrambled.#Why do grizzlies never look sad? Because whenever there's a problem, they just grin and bear it.#Circus dogs fly through the air with the greatest of fleas.#An angry skunk reeks his vengeance.#You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right.#Ekans see where you're going with this#Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Since they are 2 tired.#Suitable advertising slogan for a fish packing plant: 'Yes, we can!'#Why do the people enjoy the Maesters? They find them in-SPIRA-tional.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#I met some aliens from outer space. They were pretty down to earth.#Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!#When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking.#Why are chocobos used for investigations? They're good at making in-KWEH-ries.#Don't let life get you a little Gloom#I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them.#My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.#Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.#I couldn't see a good cow pun if it was steering me in the face.#Some mathematicians are reluctant to cosine a loan.#Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.#I've failed the mathematics test so many times I lost count.#I hate Russian Dolls, they are so full of themselves.#Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!#Pigs flying is an example of swine flew.#I never understood odorless chemicals, they never make scents.#She asked Furret.#Where do bulls exchange their messages? On a bulletin board.#They’re building a restaurant on Mars now. They say the food will be great, but they’re worried about a lack of atmosphere.#What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.#I've been trying to caption this piece of art but I just can't picture the meaning of it.#There is no Shaymin trying to find a new pun.#He couldn’t work out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel.#I named my goldfish Einstein. He's a great finker.#The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.#What sounds last call? A barbell.#I think I'm going to hire the same landscaper I used last year - he was really easy to get a lawn with.#I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed.#The man who ate too many eggs was considered to be an egg-oholic.#Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.#What did the chicken farmer say to the Chocobo Eater? "I don't want you eating Mi'ihens!"#A ghoul that dines on kangaroos is a hop goblin.#This morning I was wondering where the sun was, but then it dawned on me.#When the scientist wanted to clone a deer, he bought a doe it yourself kit.#Have you heard about the Italian cook with an incurable disease? He pastaway.#That Ghastly smell is coming from the toilet#What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.#Old math professors never die, they just reduce their functions.#My dog has an attitude. He is a cocky spaniel.#How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.#These reversing cameras are great. Since I got one I haven’t looked back.#What do fish use to make telephone calls? – A shell-phone!#People say i look better without glasses but i just can't see it.#I slept like a log whilst on night duty and I was axed when I woke up.#Dunsparce's evolution should be named Dunplenty#Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.#Television sets in Britain have to cross the English Channel.#The candle quit his job because he felt burned out.#Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.#Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.#In order to talk to a viking you need to know Norse code.#Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course. It’s very souperficial.#Is he wearing Abra?#Machamp's gonna Throh you some puns#I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but I can't find the end.#How do mountains see? They peak.#When I see birds, I always chirrup.#What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.#Why did Sin destroy the local fishing town? He was upset and assumed they were murdering the squid population, as the town was called Kil-ika.#The sore mummy needed a Cairo-practor#Hanging out with skyscraper builders is so boring! It's story after story.#Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.#Old math profs never die, they just can't differentiate.#The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.#I took a Pikachu in the shower this morning#Deaf mathematicians communicate through sin language.#My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off.#With great reflexes comes great response ability.#What did Tidus's dad say to his mom when he was born? "Sorry, honey! Gotta Jecht!"#Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse.#Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: "Beef Jerky!"#I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.#As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear.#What is Jecht's favorite season. Summer-ner#A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!#I sat next to a man on the park bench. He had 9 watches on one wrist and 5 in the other. I said man "you sure do have a lot of time on your hands."#I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it's hard to understand him - he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!#My favourite anime, Deaf Note, is about young Beethoven facing the infamous Mozart in a battle of music.#I used to work at a hairdresser but i just wasn’t cut out for it.#The math teacher was a good dancer - he had algorithm.#I asked Kermit the Frog what he was hunting for. He said, 'Rabbit, rabbit.'#What did kouhai call her senior in math class? Sen-π#What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.#How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.#After months of searching, they finally found the Sunkern ship 449#Why was Jecht such a popular Blitzball player? He was known for making a splash.#How do fish keep up with what's going on? They listen to the current news.#Making fun of a tree is a knock on wood.#How does Lee finish putting on his suit? With his Tie-jutsu...#My friends say they don’t like skeleton puns. I should put more backbone into them.#I'm bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.#It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.#The mathematician worked at home because he only functioned in his domain.#Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.#What did Yuna say when Wakka asked her to heal him of poison? "I'll take care of it Esuna-s possible."#When I had my PlayStation stolen, my family were there to console me.#The linen shop gave their employees free bedding. Even their accountant had his own handmade spread sheet.#A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.#The inept telegrapher was a weapon of Morse destruction.#Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.#The cat took up computer lessons in hopes of mastering its grip on a mouse.#How does Kagome wash her clothes? Inuwasha#What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.#Puppies learn how to behave by following a strict dogma.#Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!#Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.#I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.# What do you call a notarized license to sail? O-fish-al.#When the church relocated it had an organ transplant.#I was accused of being a plagiarist, their word not mine.#Why did Tidus start hitting himself when he woke up in the morning? He had a case of Bad Breath.#I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.#Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges?#You know why I like egg puns? They crack me up!#Old artists never retire they withdraw!#Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.#I got a master’s degree in being ignored; no one seems to care.#Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.#My pot belly pig was running and slipped on ice. Wound up injuring a hamstring.#I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip.#There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.#I hated being a math teacher. It was a miscalculated move.#Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.#It's a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.#You know what happens after you miss math class? It starts adding up.#Who is Fozzie Bear's favorite FFX character? Wakka Wakka!#My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with the vengeance I told him "oh yeah we'll see about that!"#I make bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon#Teaching your slinky new tricks is like spring training.#What happened when the magician got mad? She pulled her hare out!#What did Cid say when he found out his wife was pregnant with his first child? "Oh, Brother!"#My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.#One of the best drinking game rules I have ever heard was you had to say a Pokemon name in every sentence. Farfetched right?#A skunk breeder is a person of phew words.#What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.#I used to Rhydon the bus but then I got my license#One hat says to the other, "You stay here, I’ll go on a head."#When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.#What's a pirate's favourite pokemon? Gengarrr!#Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!#A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."#What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.#Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.#I saw an ad in a shop window, "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full", I thought, "I can't turn that down".#Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.#I, for one, like Roman numerals.#I nearly drowned yesterday. It was a breathtaking experience.#What do you call a dictionary on drugs? HIGH-Definition.#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.#What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.#Why does the singer of Cheap Thrills not want us to Sia?#What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help? Lemonaid.#There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.#I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.#I wrote a book about birds. It flew off the shelf.#A photographer was great at botany because he knew photo synthesis.#Don't Weedle in more Pokémon puns into this conversation#What does Superman have in his drink? Just ice.#Two ropes were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-frayed.#I know a mathematician who could not afford to eat. He could binomial.#R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.#I strongly dislike the subject of math, however I am partial to fractions.#The carpenter came round the other day, he made the best entrance I have ever seen.#My computer's got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.#This business Metang was very productive#Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.#I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.#I heard Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they're having trouble installing windows.#Flatfish always do their job. They know their plaice.#Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.#Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.#Snakes Swallot their prety whole#Pig puns are so boaring.#Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.#Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.#What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.#I made a clock mad. It was ticked.#When I took first place in the sewing competition, I thought that I had better quilt while I was ahead.#Why couldn't the bike stand up on it's own? It was two tired.#Why is a fish so easy to weigh? – Because it has it’s own scales!#I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.#He wears glasses during math because it improves division.#The museum curator was brilliant at judging sculptures and paintings. He displayed art official intelligence.#How do trees access the internet? They log on.#Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.#The purpose of the guards at the Blitzball stadium in Luca is to drive a Bigg Wedge between the players and the fans.#What did the Luca Goers say when their score with the Aurochs was 2-2? "I can't believe they Tidus!"#I still had some Snubbull after shaving#Dr.'s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable.#What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.#I had a job tying sausages together, but I couldn't make ends meet.#The magazine's rationale for running the story was paper thin.#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#I got hit in the head with a can of soda? Luckily it was a soft drink.#What kind of bears dissolve in water? Polar bears.#I got angry when my smartphone battery died. My counselor suggested I find an outlet.#Eskimos keep all of their chilled eggs inside of the egg-loo.#Why did Tidus and party journey to Guadosalam? So they could Seymour Guado.#My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.#I decided not to go to Pisa, but I was leaning towards it.#I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..#When your internet provider goes bankrupt it's a 'net loss.#Kakuna Rattata, what a wonderful phrase. It means no worries Forretress of your days#The show was called Spongebob Squarepants but everyone knows the star was Patrick.#A hen will always leave her house through the proper eggs-it.#Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.#Why were other people against Issaru having his younger brother as a guardian? Because that trend was so Pacce.#I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.#What do you call Samsung's security guards? Guardians of the Galaxy.#In very large sponge colonies in the ocean, there's a soaker born every minute.#My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.#I lost my rare deck of Tarot cards. I was sad. They cost me a fortune.#I would tell you a joke about squirrels, but you would go nuts.#I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.#Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.#Why is the navy full of anime fans? Because they love subs.#Why couldn't Yuna summon her aeons? She lacked Fayth.#The librarian didn't know what to do with the book about Tesla's love of electricity, so he filed it under 'Current Affairs.'#He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.#My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.#What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.#What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium.#Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!#What does every Moogle need in the morning? A Kup-o coffee.#Let me FILL you in on my trip to the dentist.#The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.#I'm hungry, let me go grab Gabite#My girlfriend asked me to pass her the Chapstick and I accidentally passed her the Glue Stick! She still hasn't talked to me!#The pilot was a loner but even for him flying a drone was just too remote.#I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came... Then it hit me!#If I got paid in lots of Pennes I would make loads of pasta.#The arrogant math teacher finally ate a slice of humble pi.#Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.#Why don't programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.#Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?#If artists wear sketchers do linguists wear converse?#Why is Kylo Ren so angry? Beause he’s always Ben Solo.#On a scale of 1 to 10, I rate Noah's Arcanine#After visiting the pyramids, I've been cursed by the Fearow#I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.#Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.#Why are the Al-Bhed misunderstood? People think they are wanting to make war when they would rather be machina pun instead.#The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.#What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.#A cowbell is what you call a lovely Southern cow.#Why is Rikku always insistent in using her overdrives when others are in battle? She wants to get in on the Mix.#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?#What planet is like a circus? Saturn, it has three rings!#Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.#Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down.#The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin.#Technically speaking a programmer's favorite subject with his boss is usually arrays.#There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.#I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.#I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.#What did one eye say to the other eye? Between you and me something smells.#Why are fish so smart? – Because they live in schools!#I hate peer pressure and you should too.#How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.#What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.#These puns have my Seel of approval#What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!#If I buy a bigger bed will I have more or less bedroom?#He became a math teacher due to some prime factors.#Whiteboards ... are remarkable.#The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.#So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!#Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That's the spirit!#I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.#Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.#A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"#I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.#A croquette is a flirtatious female frog.#Watchdogs are covered with ticks.#What did Tidus say when he got another history lesson over Spira? "You're Maechen me confused!"#Santa Delibirds gifts#The shovel was a ground breaking invention.#The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.#A group of termites marches into a saloon and ask: “Is the bar tender here?”#What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.#What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? CSI#People using umbrellas always seem to be under the weather.#The soundtrack for Blackfish was orcastrated.#What do you call a sour orange that was late to school? Tarty!#When a wasp started to come after me, I made a beeline for the exit.#If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.#A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.#A fish's favourite saying is carpe diem.#What do the Al-Bhed do with ancient machina? Rikku-struct them#Why couldn't the pig see his house? He had a sty in his eye.#Some mathematicians are on the negative side while others are quite positive.#The marine biology student took a math course called algae-bra.#The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.#Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.# #The man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID.#I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.#The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, "This changes everything"#Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.#How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.#I think I Fraxured my funny bone.#The first duck wouldn't go in the water. The other duck said "What are you, chicken?".#England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool#Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"#How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.#I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.#If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?#The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.#Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable.#Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.#I took a picture of a field of wheat, it was grainy.#A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.#My wild cat ran away last week. I put up posters in our neighborhood so that others can help me find the missing lynx.#Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.#Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.#Ralph was kicked off the skydiving team because he couldn't chute straight.#I dissected an iris today. It was an eye-opening experience.#Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations.#Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.#The Pokeband Durant Durant made top-selling charts with their hot new single "All you need is Mew"#Why are pigs so bad at soccer?  They are always hogging the ball!#I ordered a book of puns last week, but i didn't get it.#The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.#A backwards poem writes inverse.#I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!#These puns make me Shuckle#Why was dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.#Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.#I used to be a lifeguard, but I couldn't keep my head above water.#If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you'd have a small medium at large.#The dead batteries were given out free of charge.#Let me Raichu some puns.#To the guy who invented zero... thanks for nothing.#I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.#Old math teachers never die, they just become irrational.#What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!#Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.#Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal!#The boys Arbok in town#what do you call an anniversary that happens in may? An Anni-may#Bookkeepers are problems for libraries.#The plane flight brought my acrophobia to new heights.#What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.#If Donald Trump becomes president, America is going toupee.#What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.#The doors just broke, I could fix it, but it hinges on other things.#Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer.#If you send a letter to the Philippines put it in a Manila envelope.#Why do the French eat snails? They don't like fast food.#Are you sick? I heard you Koffing from the other room#This is an Absol-utely brilliant idea#What did Hashirama say to Madara? Did you get the messages I senju.#What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tuna fish with its scales.#What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.#Under the doctor’s advice, the hen is laying off eggs for a few weeks.#On land crabs tend to use the sidewalk.#Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.#My horse was on the small side, so I decided to make him larger. I used a broncodilator.#I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work, but it was a whisk I was willing to take.#A construction worker walks into a rebar, then he did it again.#One skeleton to the other: Man, I’m so hard in love with Bella, I can barely think straight. I’d love to ask her out but I just don’t have the guts.#How do fish keep up with what's going on? They listen to the current news.#Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.