MTV Cribs ft Elminster

MTV Cribs: Elminster Edition

7 am, waking up in the morning, Elminster quickly turns off his alarm clock, pause buffering this action as he does with most things. Elm grabbed his bowl, and his cereal, and smoked one of the 2 aforementioned (you know what that is, right? ~Keeta's old roommate). Leaving his house, he runs into something very peculiar that he hadn't seen often--a person.

It turned out to be Xzibit. "Yo dawg I heard you like ice cream, so I bought you an ice cream cone. Here you go." Except it wasn't actually ice cream, it was custard. Elminster realized this and said "Wait a minute, you're black and not poor, so you're probably a celebrity. You're from MTV cribs, right?"

Xzibit was like "Let me just pimp my contract ... and ... I am now!" "This pleased Elminster," said Elminster, narrating his life. "'Can I partake in this show?' asked Elminster," asked Elminster, narrating himself asking this question. Xzibit was like "Quotes within quotes, I like your style. Oh shit, son, I forgot that as a black man I am obligated to speak in a more undecipherable way, terrible sorry."

"'Yo welcome to MTV Cribs, this is Elminster Edition" said Xzibit, without a camera as he is known to rehearse is lines (this is supposed to be clever in an ironic way as he typically does not do this, I would assume that people who picked up on this will appreciate the humor and then proceed to appreciate the silliness of explaining such humor as the humor itself,'" narrated Elminster as he watched was going on.

Anyway, the show began, and Elminster began the tour. "This is my kitchen, and these are my parents, mom and dad," says Elminster. Elm's mom is like "Wow Alex, who are your new friends?" to which Elm exclaims "God dammit mom I told you to call me by my real name!!" "Sorry Elminster," says Elm's mom, and finishes folding his OoT shirts on the kitchen table.

They continue to his room, categorized by posters of Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington from Linkin Park. "Hold on guys, I'm going to do a quick Child Dungeons for all my fans on MTV," says Elminster. 51 minutes later he .dones, wouldve been a 50 but he had a bad third phase. "Let me show you my school" says Elminster's Dad to Elminster's Mom's son, Elminster. "No Dad."

Xzibit tried to steal back the spotlight "Yo dawg, I'm happy for you and everything, but I don't think your run counts because you didn't do Dooku Tree first." Elminster puts a hat on, turns it around and takes it off, "I'm wearing just a shirt now. Anyway, you can skip the 'Deku' Tree by not going inside but I went inside anyway therefore by the principle of mathematical induction I win this argument." "Oh woops, I forgot to establish my base case. Suppose x = 1, and 1 is the smallest element in the set of Natural Routes. It follows that you can skip the 'Deku' Tree by not going inside but I went inside anyway by the principal of my school's orders. Here is the email proving this. It reads: 'Dear Alex 'Elminster' Wong, please 'cum' to the castle. I've baked a cake for you. Yours truly, your principal.'"

Elminster continues to the next room, "This is my alt's room. When the moon is full, I become Nightwing and I bring my computer to this room and chat on IRC with it. Here is a list of all IRC commands and their functions: 'Section 1:' just kidding, I have it all memorized."

They enter the next room, "This room is for when ChocolateLink comes over. Not literally though, but when she logs into skype, I bring the computer over to this room and begin a chat session." Xzibit seems pleased. "Yo dawg, can you explain the principle of induction again? I was thinking about it and your argument does not seem to follow." Elminster swiftly responds "Sorry, my math is a bit rusty as Canadian high schools do not teach at a level more advanced than addition and subtraction." Ingx24 then messages Elm on AIM and gloats "lol I'm in 10th grade honors pre-calculus, get owned."

Elminster continues "And this is my foyer. I keep my collection of books here. Inside you will find such classics as 'King Leopold's Ghost--the tale of a man who is bold because he dares to do what nobody else does, yet also timid as he shies away from his Natural Route, which is classified by the set of all integers greater than or equal to 1' and 'In the End--A Biography of Linkin Park, written by me, Elminster'."

Xzibit then raises a good question, "What is your opinion on the Zelda Timeline Theory? How does Light Arrow Skip affect it? Type a 1 page response, double spaced with 1 inch margins and Times New Roman size 12 font." Elminster, with his surprising wit, makes a reference by saying "You know what else is 1 inch? The length of ComboKing's ComboGoo. brb playing Nickelodeon's hit online game, Pet Pet Park."

Justin Bieber walks in to Elminster's amazement. Elminster asks "is that a boner in your pocket or are you just happy to see me" to which JBiebz replies "Yes, there is a boner in my shirt pocket. Wanna play Kiss Bieber irl? You have to kiss me until Selena Gomez notices you. I have to warn you though, Ringrush is undefeated." Elminster accepts this challenge, and skips to the third level immediately, and using ctrl alt delete to effectively pause buffer this last stage, and then Sel Gomez notices.

.quit I got fucking caught kissing Justin Bieber

the end