Feb 29th, 2016
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  1. I am supposed to write about my plans and ambitions for the future and how to reach them. I tried to lie, but that didn't work. I tried to write about fictional people, but that didn't work. I tried to have others do the work for me, but that didn't work. In the end, I decided to take the only remaining option: Telling the truth. And after I've done that, it should become obvious why it took me so long to write this text.
  2. The truth is that I don't have any plans and ambitions. None. There's literally nothing I want to accomplish in life. When I think about my future – that is, the time after my graduation – all I see is a deep, black void. And that's not even a metaphor. There is no job I want to work at, no studies I want to take. Heck, I don't even know how I'd handle my life. I just barely manage do to that nowadays. When asked about my career goals I usually answer with “something about computers”. Fact is that I have no desire whatsoever to work on anything related to computers. I just don't care about how all that stuff works. Sure, I do enjoy writing the occasional pointless JavaScript application, but these usually end up as either an uninspired space shooter that gets scrapped after the first few dozens of lines of code or as a script that does nothing besides picking a random element from a list. Anything beyond that is doomed to fail right from the beginning by my incompetence and the fact that I throw large tantrums whenever I encounter a certain minor feature in a programming language I don't like. It's just no fun, and yet coding is still my best option to make my life worthwhile.
  3. I strongly believe (and have yet to be proven otherwise) that I won't be able to live on my own. Simultaneously I can't live with my parents for the rest of my life. What possibilities are left? That's right: Black void. Furthermore I don't think I will ever have a job I can handle. Unfortunately, capitalism demands from me to pay for foodstuffs, water and accommodation with money I have to earn. My best bet – and I'm not joking with this part (I wish I was) – is to hope for the approval of an unconditional basic income by the federal government before I hit 18. It's sadly the only option that seems feasible in my eyes. Of course there's always homelessness, but who wants to think about that? Thus: Black void. If school grades were the only necessity to be successful in life, I at least would still have motivation to do anything for school, if it wasn't that soul-devouring.
  4. So this is the reason why this task has been postponed for so long. It wasn't about laziness; I wrote this entire text last evening in just 35 minutes. I didn't do it because I couldn't. Because just thinking about this topic – even if it is not directly related to me – brings tears to my eyes and makes me curl up on my bed and sob. I wish this last sentence was hyperbole. I can't think about this topic because not thinking about it is my only way to stay sane, to experience at least some kind of happiness in my depressing life without looking at the grim future that is to come.
  5. So there you have it. My ambition for the future is to survive till my 18th birthday and blank out everything that comes after that. And I have no idea how to accomplish this.
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