Tomodachi Game Chapter 8 PR - SquidTheSid REVIEW

Tomodachi Game 8
PR: SquidTheSid



005

Because she... Stole the most important thing from me.
Because she... stole the most important thing from me.


007

If you say you will get in my way no matter what, then with all my strength, I will-
-Crush you!!
If you say you will get in my way no matter what, then with all my strength, I will-
-crush you!!

008
There's no way I have!!
There's no way I killed somebody!!		(PR note: "...I did that" and "...murdered somebody" also work. Of the three, I prefer "...murder somebody")
[m]then put the correction you think is best as the main one.

That's...Probably true. There is a weird perception of reality that came out when we learned about his father...
That's... Probably the case. Now that his father's crimes have been exposed, a strange reality now exists...
[m]it's a "Strange way of perceiving things", not a physically strange reality.

Also, the one who put in that gageguchi is, without a doubt...Yuuichi!
Also, the one who put in that Kageguchi is, without a doubt...Yuuichi!

009
If I can't figure it out...then does that mean Yuuchi outsmarted me...!?
If I can't figure it out...then does it mean he has a brain that is better than mine...!?


If that gageguchi is in fact a "lie" then, Yuuichi, who wrote that would receive "divine punishment."
If that Kageguchi is in fact a "lie", then its writer, Yuuichi, would receive "divine punishment."


But wait...There's a big problem that comes with this "scheme"...
But wait...there's a big problem with this "scheme"...

If that Kageguchi is in fact a "lie" then Yuuichi, who wrote that would receive "divine punishment."
If that Kageguchi is in fact a "lie", then its writer, Yuuichi, would receive "divine punishment."
[m]duplicates. 2pass your PR, please

The "divine punishment" puts the person who wrote a lie in first place... Is it possible that is part of the plan?
The "divine punishment" puts that liar the person who wrote a lie in first place... Is it possible that is part of the plan?

010

Manabu-sensi! That kageguchi is a lie!!/Hurry and give whoever wrote that "divine punishment"!!
Manabu-sensei! That Kageguchi is a lie!!/Hurry up and give whoever wrote that lie their "divine punishment"!!
[m]restating "lie" is unnecessary

And if the divine punishment comes down on Yuuichi, then the person who wrote it would be Yuuichi...
And if the “divine punishment” comes down on Yuuichi, then he must have written the Kageguchi...
[m]replace "the Kageguchi" with either "that Kageguchi" or preferably "it" to cut down on words

011

Eeh-, but Shibe could have had your father erase any records of crimes-
Eeh-, but you could have had your father erase your criminal record-
[m]these should have either been removed or changed to "~" as that's what they are

Let's have a God survey to see if they believe what you say.
Let's survey God  to see if it believes what you say.
[m]changing the pronoun to "it" makes it feel awkward

If "I believe" exceeds 50%, then we will consider it as proof!
If "I believe" exceeds 50%, then we will consider the result as proof [of your innocence]!


Now, it's  time to make appeals. You need to appeal to the Gods that you're innocent!!
Now, it's your time to make your case. You need to appeal to God to prove your innocence!!
[m]good change here, but would have removed the first "your"

012

And now Shibe moves 5 spaces and pulls ahead to 1st place!
And now Shibe advances 5 spaces and pulls ahead to 1st place!

There's no way anyone would believe you if you say it like that!
There's no way anyone would believe you if you plead your case like that!

Meaning, lies which can't be uncovered through research must be disproved yourself.
Meaning, lies impossible to uncoverw through research must be debunked by their targets.
[m]spellcheck your stuff

013


But it's really unfortunate..because with that kageguchi, I now know something.
But it's really unfortunate..because with that Kageguchi, I now know something.

There is a "traitor" who is purposefully trying to break apart our relationships.
There is a "traitor" who is purposefully trying to dismantle our relationships.
(PR Note: Destroy also works here)

015

After I heard the kageguchi that has such malevolent intentions, I knew we had a "traitor" among us.
After I discovered that this Kageguchi had such malevolent intentions, I knew we had a "traitor" among us.

Additionally, that person had been putting in all the hostile Kageguchi in by themselves
Additionally, that person has been submitting all the hostile Kageguchi in by themselves
[m]"in by themselves" is made more awkward by that change

...This guy...Maybe.
...This guy...maybe.

Because it's all that one person's fault.
This situation is all that one person's fault.

I see...Putting in a kageguchi which is extremely malevolent...
I see...He put in a malevolent Kageguchi...

Was so he ecan appeal that there is a "traitor."
so he could declare that there is a "traitor" [among us].

And he's planning on  making all the evil-doings that one traitor's fault and bring everyone  back together...
And he plans on blaming the “traitor” for the atrocities [committed in this game] in order to bring everyone else back together...

016

Then is it a bluff when he says "he knows who the traitor is"?
Then was it a bluff when he said he knew who the traitor was?

But...Wait! We're talking about Yuuichi. He's different from that Shibe (idiot).
But...Wait! We're talking about Yuuichi. He's different from that idiot Shibe.

017

No, I should rather say,/There's no longer any need to tell you.
No, [rather,] I should  say,/there's no longer any need to tell you.

Figured out a "winning strategy" to this game...!!
figured out a "winning strategy" to this game...!!

018

Ever since we started this "Kakeguchi Sugoroku" game, there was something that's been bothering me.
Ever since we started this "Kageguchi Sugoroku" game, there’s something that's been bothering me.

019

If you compare this "Kageguchi Sugoroku" game to the first game, it feels significantly unfairer./That's because of the rule that "no matter how much we believe in our friends, we get screwed."
If you compare this "Kageguchi Sugoroku" game to the first game, it feels significantly less fair./That's because of this game’s rule that states "no matter how much we believe in our friends, we get screwed."

At first, we believed in each other and tried to stay in the same space...However, after just two turns, we incurred a debt of 3M yen.
At first, we believed in each other and tried to stay in the same space...However, after just two turns, we collectively incurred a debt of 3M yen.

Even if we win this game, we would only get 2M yen; this is too "unfair."
Even if we won this game, we would only get 2M yen; this is too "unfair."

Of course,  the game masters are the ones who we owe money...
Of course,  we owe money to the game masters...

Are really "boring" to watch.
are really "boring" to watch.

020

It seems there is an audience in this "friend's game."
It seems that there is an audience in this "friend's game."
[m]from previous chapters, this is TL'd as "Tomodachi Game". Also, a lot of "that's", though technically correct, can be ommited in dialogue.

If you think of these factors, there is one theory which can be worked out.
After considering these factors, we can work out a theory.

Once we triggered a certain point in this game, I became even more convinced of my theory.
I became even more convinced of my theory once we triggered a certain point in this game.

021

At that time, there was a space which reduced the debt for the first time.
At that time, the first space that reduced the players' debt [in the game] appeared.
[m]that should be singular, as the spaces only affect the player on them (for the most part)

Manabu said that besides moving according to the Kageguchi, this is a normal augoroku
Manabu said that besides moving according to the Kageguchi’s results, this is a normal Sugoroku

Then, if we had believed in each other and progressed through this "Kageguchi sugoroku" one space every turn...
Then, if we had believed in each other and progressed through this "Kageguchi Sugoroku" one space every turn...

022

We would have ended the game with no increase or decrease in our debt.
We would have ended the game with no increase or decrease in our collective debt.
[m]this should be on the previous page

In order to mess with those who try to clear the "Kageguchi Sugoroku" by moving together,/most of the spaces towards the beginning have a lot of minuses.
In order to mess with people that try to clear "Kageguchi Sugoroku" by moving together,/most of the spaces in the game’s beginning has a lot of penalties.
[m]"who" is correct, as it is referring to people, not objects.

If you go through this game hitting every space, then the total would be plus minus.
If you go through this game hitting every space, then the total change in debt would be zero.


023

All we know from that, is that we won't increase our debt if we slowly progress through the latter half.
All we know from what you’ve said, is that we won't increase our debt if we slowly progress through the latter half of the game.

If Shiba, who is in first place, gets to the goal by himself, then the game is done.
If Shiba, who is in first place, gets to the goal by himself, then the game is over.

024

Listen.../From now on, everyone except the person in first place puts in a Kageguchi.
Listen.../From now on, everyone except the person in first place submits a Kageguchi.

025

From now on, if we progress the game based on the promise  "everyone except the person in first place puts in a Kageguchi"...
From now on, if we proceed based on the promise that everyone except the person in first place submits a Kageguchi...

Then if the "traitor" breaks the promise and puts in a Kageguchi against Shibe, who's in first
then if the "traitor" breaks the promise and submits a Kageguchi against Shibe, who's in first, the outcome.
[m]shouldn't have a period if you're continuing the sentence.

It becomes like this.
becomes like this.

Only Yuuichi doesn't have a Kageguchi...
Yuuichi’s the only one without a Kageguchi...

026

I see...So that's why there's no need to name the traitor, Because no one will be able to betray us...
I see...So there's no need to name the traitor, because no one will be able to betray us...
[m]this was broken up into 2 lines in the TL, look at the raw for reference

With this method, then the first place will only move one space,/and even though it might become a little embarrassing to continue the game, but if we adjust our secrets according to our places on the board...
With this method, then the person in first place will only advance one space,/and even though it might become a little embarrassing to continue the game, but if we adjust our secrets according to our places on the board...

Even if there really are more plus spaces in the latter half...There's no guarantee we break even.
Even if there really are more reward spaces in the latter half [of the game]...There's no guarantee that we will break even.

027

Also, all of this was because of the one "traitor."
Also, all of this was because of that one "traitor."

So isn't it a bit unfair that we lose our friendship over this...
So isn't it a bit unfair that we lose our friendships over this...

028

But him provoking me means that Yuuichi doesn't have much else to go on.
But Yuuichi provoking me means that he doesn't have much else to go on.

Doesn’t that mean he “has not determined the traitor” is...?
Doesn’t that mean he’s unaware of who the "traitor” is...?
(PR Note: I'd personally drop the quotation marks on all instances of "traitor", since maintaining it does get tedious)

029

The game is already in its last half.  If Yuuichi controls the pace from here, it could be bad...
The game is already in its last half.  If Yuuichi controls the pace from here on, it could be bad...

Another provoke...
Another provocationke...
[m]SPELLCHECK

030

And then we should concentrate our Kageguchi to that "traitor" and put him in first place and finish the game.
And then we should use our Kageguchi to target that "traitor", put him in first place, and finish the game.

031

We're now in the latter half of the sugoroku game.
We're now in the latter half of this game.

[m]Then I will never listen to you, am I clear!?
[m]this would have been much better with "again" after "you"

032

I think that's the best!
I think that's for the best!

Alright...Let's try this.
Alright...Let's do this.

035

Your plan had a big loop hole.
Your plan had a big loophole.

036

Aw man, I thought that maybe you were really impressive in the first battle but...
Aw man, I thought that you were really impressive in the first battle but...

[m]037]
[m]"kageguchi" is mentioned here, should have been capitalized

044

Senpai...Isn't C-group no good now?
Senpai...Isn't C-group kind of in a bad shap now?
[m]SPELLCHECK JESUS CHRIST

046

Plus, there's only one more spaces till the goal.
Plus, there's only one more space untill the goal.

By the way, you need to jump from here for the goal...
By the way, you need to jump from here to reach the goal...

047

Yea right...
Yeah right...

Plus, Shiho will be in the goal if she moves just one space...
Plus, Shiho will reach the goal if she advances just one space...

048

What? Just what is this feeling comes from this image...
What? Just what is this feeling cominge from this image...

This errie feeling...
This eerie feeling...

049

Wait, rewind the images for this Kageguchi sugoroku to the very beginning!
Wait, rewind the footage for this “Kageguchi Sugoroku” to the very beginning!

050

D...Do you mean there's still a way to flip this situation on its tail?
D...Do you mean there's still a way to flip this situation?

...If you relook the second game from the very beginning, you'll understand.
...If you take another look at the second game from the very beginning, you'll understand.

There are three things which are obviously weird.
There are three things that are obviously weird.

[m]comments: main problem is the lack of proofreading on your proofread. Run your PR through a spellchecker, please. Overall your edits were good, some were too wordy. Remember that especially for a comic, word counts should be kept as low as possible while preserving the meaning of the text. Your PRs will be better if you take the time to look over them line by line.