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Ausfag

Replacement - Part 1

Aug 21st, 2012
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  1. Replacement
  2.  
  3. >Be an average joe
  4. >You and your family have always been dog people
  5. >Your first dog found you, when she ran away from her old master
  6. >He was a serious pot head who tried to turn all dogs into hunting dogs
  7. >When they failed, he shot them
  8. >Your family took her in and loved her until she died
  9. >You grieved like all the others, then you got a new dog to heal the pain
  10. >Everyone loved her, especially your father
  11. >He would play with her, cuddle her, even feed her scraps off the table
  12. >He was a better person for the love of that dog
  13. >It all changed when she died
  14.  
  15. >It was all so sudden
  16. >Your dog, so bouncy and full of life and love, had a stroke and was paralysed
  17. >You had to put her down
  18. >Your father didn't say anything for 3 days afterwards
  19. >When your mother tried to snap him out of it, he beat her
  20. >When he was finished he screamed: "NO MORE DOGS! EVER!"
  21. >He then went out, and came back the next morning reeking of vodka
  22.  
  23. >For the next month, he drank himself stupid
  24. >It was obvious to everyone that what he needed was something to fill the hole
  25. >Not replace your last dog, that's stupid
  26. >Just a new friend to help him get through
  27. >You discuss the idea with your mother and you both agree it's for the best
  28. >He'll warm up to the dog, despite what he says
  29. >So you both venture down to the RSPCA
  30. >Ask to see the rescue dogs
  31.  
  32. >Three hours later, your spirits have sunk
  33. >Not one of these dogs would suit your home
  34. >You begin to leave, feeling dejected, when you hear babbling coming from some cages down the way
  35. >"Wotsa aminaws!" "Big not-fwuffies!" "Kitty fwend?"
  36. >You pause, and turn to the attendant
  37. "What on earth is that racket?"
  38. >"That's the fluffy pony enclosure. Those little biotoys from America. They breed like crazy and the ones that don't get killed by the wildlife end up here."
  39. >You've heard of fluffy ponies
  40. >Hell, you're a brony from way back
  41. >Fluffies were never big here, especially after Cleveland
  42. >But the fact remains, they were brought into the country as luxury pets
  43. >Required a special license to own one
  44. >But of course, this being Australia, every man and his dog ended up getting one for shits and giggles
  45. >Some went feral, but they're not as big a problem as they were in the U.S
  46. >Mainly because your wildlife takes care of itself
  47.  
  48. >You know that fluffy ponies are creatures of infinite love, if limited intelligence
  49. >Maybe, just maybe...
  50. "... Can we see them?"
  51.  
  52. >You and your mother are lead into the fluffy enclosure
  53. >It's not over-crowded, but there are a LOT of little fluffy creatures waddling around
  54. >All babbling inanely
  55. >"New daddy?" "New mummy?" "Huggies?" "Come pway wif fwuffy!"
  56. >One such little creature waddles up to you and nuzzles your leg
  57. >"Pwease take fwuffy home, fwuffy wan' be bestest fwuffy fow hooman!"
  58. >This one IS pretty cute
  59. >She has a white coat with a pink and fuchsia mane and tail
  60. >Kinda looks like one of the pony toys you bought years ago
  61. >You decide
  62. "Mum, whadya think? Wanna take this one home?"
  63.  
  64. >Half an hour later, after filling out the paperwork and buying some accessories, you, your mother, and your new fluffy pony are walking towards the car
  65. >The fluffy is ecstatic
  66. >"Fwuffy haf new home! Fwuffy gon' haff basket, an' baww, and stwing' an' evwyfing!"
  67. >You smile and the hyperactive little creature in your arms
  68. "That's all well and good, but first you need a name."
  69. >The little fluffy's eyes go wide at the concept
  70. >"New daddy gif name? Wat fwuffy name?"
  71. >This one's a breeze
  72. "Ok little lady, your name is Plumsweet!"
  73. >"Pwumsweet wuv name! Fank yoo, daddy!"
  74. >Your mother looks at the little critter and smiles oftly
  75. >"She IS very affectionate... Are you sure this will work?"
  76. "I don't know, mum. But if it doesn't, I'd best start looking for somewhere to live."
  77. >Plumsweet giggles in your arms as a fly lands on her nose
  78. "... Somewhere that allows pets."
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