Clutched tightly my breath is held captive. In the hands of a part of me I can’t control. It grips me grabs me takes possession of my body. Stealing every breath the world so graciously gives me. The very thing people take for granted i am lacking. I want air. I want to breathe.

Slowly drained out of my body until I can’t peacefully rest I’m left with restless rest.
Pain is a prison and i want to be let out of my cell, iv been held here for a while and i am no longer in denial. Of all the things i did wrong of all the things i wish i could be but never was. So my prosecution is done depression, anxiety whatever else is buried in my brain that is too complex for me to understand. I want to be released now, i served my sentence for years, and you still won’t even tell me when you’ll let me go. You open the cell door rarely and when you do you shut the door in my face. Teasing and stealing like a thief holding me a prisoner to grief.

Steal, steal everything why don’t you? My friends, my family every relationship i ever had. I’m sorry i let you down I’m sorry I can’t make you as proud as i wanted to. I want to do big things i want to bring something the world never could. I wanted to spread love and be someone who brought others up. Instead I’m sat my desk, crying my eyes out after the alarm went off in my head and sent an impulse of breathlessness and choking.. spluttering. Filling my lungs up with the blue sickening spike. It punctures my throat, it burns out my tires I can’t keep moving I can’t keep getting my brain to function! I try and i try and i try and after i prove to myself i can do it a paper is thrown back into my face to tell me that it wasn’t good enough. Just like my head told me. Further making my head a more powerful argument of truth rather then the small broken plate of hope I occasionally manage to pick up.

I want to do better all the time but I can’t find the energy nor the power to spring back to life. Like a broken toy i just want to rewind.
I want to do well i so want to do well. I want to do what i am capable of, what i was capable of before this hit me like a brick. Before my power became so weak and flushed so buried deep. How can i.. ever pass such an important time, when my very breath is stolen the pressure increases with ease and my mind goes blank. My head controls my thoughts and it doesn’t listen to me like a dog left without a leash. Finally i can god damn breathe.