the anons tell each other how they died

this is from /hhg/ - Hazbin Hotel General Thread #149
------
This one is from one thread prior - I believe this one kicked off the whole convo about deaths:

So here's something I thought of, you think the anons tell each other and the other staff stories from when they were alive, you know like Vigilanteanon tells of his greatest kills, or Noiranon tells some of the times he can close to catching Al, along with his greatest arrests? Stuff like that they'll bring up every now and then?

Probably, and I'd imagine some of the demons would like to know as well - they're a bit further from their mortal life than the anons are, so they can't recall as well anymore.

I can see it now:
>The Staff is having some celebration dinner.
>VigilanteAnon decides to tell the story of how he became the one man army he is today.
>PostalAnon is enjoying ever second of it .
>Everyone is having a good time.
>Then he comes to the story of how he died

>"So there's this prick of a senator I hated, bastard was always letting the gang leaders run free thanks to bribes right. So I go, turn him into a leaky blood bag and run."
>"However, the SWAT are pretty quick, and the next thing I know, I'm crawling out of my now burning car, bleeding from head to toe, and engaging those fucks in one of bloodiest shootouts my city's ever seen."
>"I managed to take down half of em before one of their snipers nails me in the head, right between my eyes to".
>"Boy, I be they're still finding chunks of my brains in the sewer drains to this day".
>Everyone is silent, except for Alastor and Postalanon, both of whom are clapping.
"Gee Vigilante, I must say that was one hell of a way to go, sure beats my own death, doesn't it Noir?"
>The detective just gives a quick nod, not wanting to delve into that story (yet).

>"Hey Gambler, how did you die?"
>Actually I'm still alive, I just like hanging out with my cousin."

Cont.
-
>"Oh, well uhhhh, Chanperor, how about you?"
>Chan perks up
>"Well that's a funny story, it all started back in good ol' 2009".
>"Before I continue, you guys know what Scientology is?"
>A few of the others nod, Bibleanon mutters "heretics" as well.
>"Ok good, so me and a bunch of other people are protesting against them, one comes from behind me and K.O's me, unfortunately I landed on some concrete stairs, and broke my neck, kind of embarrassing you know."
-
>Thats just one anons death in the sea of anons
>Chan always gives inconsistent stories on his death
-
>Some other deaths include
>"I gassed myself in my apartment bathroom"
>"Lured to an abandoned house in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere and killed"
>"Injected glowing stuff into my veins"
>"Tried making my own crystals, wound up making mustard gas instead."
>"I screwed around with a century old gas shell from WWII."
>The gang doesn't know if any of them are right or if Chan's just fucking with them.
-
Don't forget the time he tried to flush a grenade.
-
From the previous thread:
>the anons tell each other how they died
>druganon (sting) tells his
"it was a couple of years after angel died. i lived in a shitty apartment and had no one to turn to for help. i didnt kill myself or anything, but i was ran over by some drunk asshole."
>longarms (stretch):
"I honestly don't know. I remember falling asleep in an armchair, in the projector room at my parents' workplace, and then waking up in Hell, looking like, well, this. Could've been a heart attack or stroke, I guess. Wasn't exactly the healthiest person, in terms of diet. Didn't knew it was this bad, though."

>Maybe he had a brain aneurysm, those can happen to anyone at any time

Yeah, that could be it.

>Bibleanon "Gospel/Preacher"
>Gospel blinks and steals Husk's cgeap booze TM and takes a swig
"Alright, you ass hats wanna know how i fuckin died?"
"Ya see, I had a perfect life in my opinion. I had a modest house, a beautiful wife and daughter. I was a member of the church. I was sooooo happy!"
>His face bears a slightly manic smile
"Ya know what i fuckin got for all of that?! My wife leaves me for another man, gets full custody of our kid, my house fffffFUCKING BURNS DOWN!"
>He slams his hand on the bar counter
"Then I get cancer! Fucking cancer!"
>Gospel starts gasping for air as he laughs manically
"So I decide to go out on my own terms! I get my grandads hunting shotgun, go to the church, piss on the bible and BITE A FUCKING BULLET! My brains probably painted dear ol' jesus's face!"
>Everyone is shifting uncomfortably
"And heres the fucking kicker! Aaaaall of that! It all happened because Lucy made a fuckin bet with the big man himself!"
>Gospel slowly stops laughing and smiling
"I really got fucked over didn't i..."
>He finishes the bottle of booze and heads off to his room

Cont.
-
>Scum (Tricksteranon) walks past gospel
>Scum sees everyone being very quiet and uncomfortable
"Jeez who killed themselves?"
>He gets a bottle thrown at him from gospel
>He spent half an hour plucking glass shards out of his head and face

>after Scum got hit in the face full of glass and running away
>everyone continued to sit in uncomfortable silence... until Doc decided to break the ice
"if we all going to talk about how we die, I want to get my out the way."
>some of the anons were curious by this, Doc never talks about his past life. he always keeps it to himself, if anyone did ask it, he just ignore it.
"I think it was October 16 of 1999 the day I die, I use to work for the U.S government. they hired me to work on a bioweapon in secret, I don't know why but I never ask."
>Doc inhale and exhale, he has this dark look in his eyes now
"I don't know what happen but I was getting coffee, talking to my co-worker and then... someone press the alarm, somehow or someway. the bioweapon leak and spread like wildfire throughout the facility"
>Doc got up and start walking to the door
"on that day I can't describe what that bioweapon did to people but the only thing that comes close to mind is 'melting'."
>Doc opens the door and turns around to look at the anons with a serious look on his face
"On That Day, no matter what I saw in hell or Alastor himself try to terrify me, it will never come close to what I saw before I die... now goodbye."
>Doc walks into the open door and closes it right behind him
>it somehow got more quiet and uncomfortable
-
>after a some minutes, Stretch breaks the silence
"...Didn't the U.S. shut down it's biochem weapons program shut down in the '70s?"
>after waking from his migraine-boosted uncomfortable stupor, Chan(peror) appeared deep in thought, his questionmark briefly replaced by /his/, /news/, /sci/ and /x/ (as well as /biz/ and /pol/, and, rather disturbingly, /d/ and /hc/ at one point)
"Yeah, the biological side shut down in '73, while the chemical in 1997."
"Then... Why did...?"
"Are you surprised?"
>there was a long, uncomfortable silence, as Chan stared down Stretch
"...I suppose not..."
>with a small nod, Chan sat back, popping open a bottle of Tylenol, and the downing it in one gulp
>after a few moments of silence, Sting spoke up
"So... What do you guys suppose that stuff was?"
>while the others discussed this, Chan seemed to rifle through his boards again, lingering far, far longer on /sci/ this time, as well as briefly visiting /an/
"A new defoliant. maybe?"
"One that can MELT people?"
"Well, what the fuck did napalm do? Or white phosphorus?"
>Chan scoffs, reaching for another bottle of meds
"They were probably trying to develop something that would fuck off by itself after doing the job, rather than needing a cleanup crew."
>unscrewing the cap, he downs the bottle of Zoloft
"But it ended up fucking THEM instead."
>the others nod in agreement, while Charlie slumps back in her seat
>this is NOT how she imagined the evening would go