I think there's a spark but I wanna b honest n say that I don't think I'm in a position to b able to like.. pursue a romance in any capacity rn. I remember we spoke briefly before u left but it was early in the morning n I didn't know how to express myself in any concise way. I think we should pursue this bond as friends tho fer sure. I'm not sure I hope that doesn't sound blunt I just don't have a mind that thinks romantically rn
I rly appreciate everything this is tho
I just wanned to b clear so we don't step on each other's toes at all

The "friends" thing hurts more then saying you're just not interested.

Whys that
I don't think it's a matter of interest or not rly
Its more kinda just where I'm at

It means you want me in your life on your terms. Without respect to mine.

Oh I mean

I know what you mean.
I just don't go from potential romance to friends.
😞👌🏽

I mean when you left you kinda just said we could pursue it either way
Cos either way there was potential for us to be close
And I didn't rly know how to respond at the time

That's before I broke up with my lover of 3 months because he wanted to be "friends"

What dyu mean what happened

And I've been
learning a lot about why people say "friends." And I don't like it.

What dyu think ppl mean when they say friends

The same as any other guy really. Not emotionally unavailable.

Right that's devastating I'm rlly srry AJ
Here is a good article.
I wish you the best of luck. ☺️ https://www.google.com/amp/s/thoughtcatalog.com/mike-zacchio/2016/03/im-sorry-but-we-cant-just-be-friends/amp/

Gimme a minute

Alrighty.

I understand that sentiment I've felt it before too honestly
I think it's hard the whole idea of maintaining a friendship especially after an ongoing romance like it seems like a construct that's only made for tv

Actually those are the only types of people who I keep as friends if I ever have feelings for them.

That's interesting

I don't like artificial limitations. Natural ones are fine.

How do you define the difference

Not everyone is compatible for example my friend Jann is 43, we dated for a couple months but he flipped out on me and became super neurotic. I left but he still cares for me. He even helped me move. He's a friend.
Artificial boundaries are when people say "I am your friend" lol.
I can't be friends with someone who doesn't try.

I'm not sure I follow. I mean I understand what you're saying but I think that there's so much at play like ppl don't just create these barriers because they're selfish
They may have just come out of an abusive relationship

We all have.

They may be dealing with internalised issues brought upon vi their upbringing
Yeah but not all humans are the same
They react differently
That's just the way it is

I'm not denying that.
But excuses only get people so far. At some point they have to make a choice.

What's the choice

I'm not an abusive person. And I have a network of loving people. I'm sorry if you were abused before but that doesn't mean I should be blamed for it.
To try or not to try.

I'm not talking abt me specifically
I'm just providing examples
I want to try to feel safe in this new country and I can't pursue a relationship that's the choice I've made

I think it'd be best if we just speak for ourselves, ya know?

Sure

And I'm saying good luck to you.
I don't deny my feelings. Being honest with myself is nonnegotiable.
I cannot "just" be your friend.
If I didn't have an attraction to you it'd be a different story. But I don't live in that reality.

I mean I feel like that's out of my control I didn't know that was why you were helping me out at the time like none of this became clear to me until we spoke that morning

That wasn't why I was helping you out.

Ok that's good to know I felt kinda crummy thinking that might b the reason
But look what I'm trying to get at is that there were never any clear terms set here. When we spoke you said there was a connection which I agreed abt. Then u said we should pursue it, either romantically or as friends n I was like cool
The ultimatum was already set rly I didn't kinda invent it

I was excited because I thought you felt the same way I felt. That it was so easy being with you. That it was worth preserving.
I was wrong.
Relationships aren't about exchanging resources.
They're about expanding our state of consciousness. That's not what you want. In your words you want to focus on feeling safe in a new country.

I'm not implying anything close to that I'm just saying I felt safe to tell you we were friends based on what you said to me
I realise it wasn't safe at all
I do want to feel safe AJ ur right
This doesn't make me feel safe

Why not?
I was honest with you and upfront with my feelings as I could identify them.
Even now. How is this a danger?

Because I feel like I'm being manipulated

There is nothing other than you that I want. Not money, not intelligence, not sex. I just wanted to develop a deeper relationship.
And you're telling me that's not your priority. And we are at an impasse. How is that manipulation?

No ^ that is manipulation

I'm not lying to you.

You don't have to be lying
That's not how it works

I told you what I wanted.
That I felt something. And I meant it.
I thought I could be your friend if it didn't work out.

Why does it have to not work out first

But the key is "not working out"
Because I don't settle.

How is it settling

I will always want to hold you or touch you or text you first thing in the morning.
I'll always want to take goofy photos of us. And you're telling me that that's not in the cards.

That's not my problem though you even know how I feel abt touch
I made that lead
Clear*

Why is friendship my problem?

What

You're using a lot of "I" language.
That's what I don't want. It's not about me or you. It's about the space between us.

Stop telling me to talk abt this on ur terms your understanding of the way we interact isn't absolute

Idk what to say to you.
I like you. You don't like me.
Why can't it just end civilly?

I mean sure I'd like it to end civilly if it has to end
I do want to say though

It has to end because neither of us are willing to compromise our positions.

Yes that's understandable I suppose
I mean that makes sense

Thank you for recognizing the importance of my decision to me.
What is it you wanted to say?
You're going to find a lot of people out here who will want to use you.
If you think this conversation has been manipulative you are going to want to build walls 10x stronger.
My feelings for you were genuine and from the heart. Love has no role but it also has no boundary. I cannot love with boundaries. My actual friends become siblings. My partners become lovers.
I'm sorry that I hurt you. But know that if I did, it is from a place in which I have to preserve my heart because no one (save my partner) will care to do it for me. Or make it easier at the very least.
My lovers become partners*

You're just continually trying to invalidate me here. I think you're being rly manipulative and I think that last message is proof. I don't rly wanna continue this conversation anymore. I feel like I have to show somebody else this so that I know I'm not insane

Like I said, I don't want anything from you. If you think me being honest is somehow manipulation that's just a reflection of what you think of me. It would have never worked out. Good luck.

 Where does passive aggression and an inability to self assess fit in to ur definition of cosmic love? Please don't ever contact me again

I'm not being passive aggressive. I have no hard feelings for you. Like at all.
Idk about self-assess. My decision to not just be your friend is all about self-assessment. To not deny my feelings.
Idk about cosmic love. I just know about my love and the love my partner (present and past) have given me. I try to avoid all other types.
And as you wish. Goodbye Chris.