AnalPlugAnon

[RGRE-ish] Anon eats the forbidden peetzer topping

Oct 1st, 2020
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  1. >>35903328
  2. >You slam your back against the surface of the overturned table, hunkering down against it and dripping with sweat.
  3. >You'd just sprinted the length of the palace with Twilight Sparkle at your heels, and you spent most of that time dodging magical lightning bolts.
  4. >Who knew she'd take a discussion about fucking DINNER so poorly?!
  5. >Twilight, an admittedly out-of-shape unicorn (who already as a race aren't exactly winning any athletics competitions to begin with) collapses against your side, chest heaving and limbs shaking.
  6. >After a few seconds (during which a lightning bolt blasts off a chunk of the three-inch thick mahogany table like a gunshot), she manages to catch her breath enough to speak.
  7. >"I've never seen Cadance this upset, Anon!" she gasps, "What the buck did you tell her about your world?!"
  8. "I-"
  9. >ZAP!
  10. >A spot above your head explodes, and splinters rain down on top of you.
  11. >Twilight reacts quickly and wraps her wings around your shoulders and head, shielding you from the shrapnel
  12. "I don't know!" you blurt out, cowering slightly, "We were just talking about food!"
  13. >Twilight pulls away and looks up at you with an expression that suggests you just told her that you once slapped Luna right on the vagina.
  14. >"Food? FOOD?!"
  15. >She plants her forehooves on your chest and shakes you somewhat hysterically.
  16. >"How in Celestia's name did a discussion over FOOD do this?!"
  17. "I don't know!"
  18. >You take a second to desperately try and remember what could have set Cadance off like this.
  19. >What about your conversation about food could have gotten such a response?!
  20. >While you gather your thoughts, Twilight starts casting shield spell after shield spell, gradually surrounding you with an increasingly-opaque purple bubble.
  21. >All you can do is try to hear yourself think over the tortured wails of a VERY upset pretty pink princess.
  22. >C'mon...
  23. >Think, McNon, Think!
  24. "Sandwiches, burgers," you mutter, listing the chain of subjects in your discussion with the princess, "The subject of meat, a tangent about pepperoni, places pepperoni goes, pizza, other pizza toppings..."
  25. >Twilight is only half paying attention.
  26. >"Mortensen's tri-contested shield array... Starswirl's input/output enhancing matrix... I've got to brace the mahogany if we want to stay safe..."
  27. >You continue, rapping the sides of your head with your knuckles as if that would help you remember things faster.
  28. "Mushrooms, bell peppers, spicy peppers, feta cheese, onions, pineapple, anch-"
  29. >Twilight gasps, cutting you off, and her hornglow falters.
  30. >She turns her head slowly until she's staring you dead in the eye.
  31. >The look of terror in her eyes makes your sweaty skin go from searing hot to cold and clammy in an instant.
  32. >Dread pools in your belly.
  33. >"You said... you said that humans put PINEAPPLE on their pizza?" whispers Twilight, voice quivering alongside her hooves
  34. >Twilight closes her eyes and touches touches her chest in a circular motion, not unlike a Catholic touching the sign of the cross on his chest.
  35. >The shape vaguely reminds you of a stylized sun.
  36. >Twilight's horn flashes, and a burst of light slams into the inside of your shield-bubble.
  37. >An intricate display of webbing - almost reminding you of circuitry - glows and gathers at the point of impact.
  38. >With a blinding flare, a ball of light zooms out and away from your shield.
  39. >It passes through the ceiling, and disappears.
  40. >Once this is complete, Twilight climbs onto your lap.
  41. "Twilight?"
  42. >[spoiler]Dinner and a movie, first.[/spoiler]
  43. >Her wings are wrapped protectively against you once more, and she makes sure that her body is covering as much of your own body as she can manage.
  44. >"I've sent a distress signal directly to Celestia, Anon," she says, her voice slightly muffled in your hair, "She'll be here soon. All we can do now-"
  45. >Another bolt slams into your table, and a notably smaller chunk of wood (thank you, magical protection) breaks off.
  46. >It would have scattered splinters all over the two of you, but instead it bounces off Twilight's shields with an audible -PING-
  47. >The shields flash briefly, and Twilight shudders in your arms.
  48. >"...is hope she gets here in time."
  49. "Twilight... if we don't make it out of here-"
  50. >Twilight nods her head against your sweaty mop of hair.
  51. >"I know, Anon. I love you, too."
  52. >...not what you were going to say, but you aren't going to ruin the moment.
  53. >Something slams into the table you're hiding behind, making your ribs shudder.
  54. >You tighten your hold on Twilight and hope that Celestia gets here quickly.
  55. >You're never eating a meal with Twilight's extended family ever again.
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