A talk with myself, huh? It's been a long time since I've had one of these. You know, I always want to ask people what their desire is! I find "desire" to be a very intricate thing of somebody's soul, one's inner-most desire can *reveal* a lot more than what it just shows at the surface, and whether that's positive or negative, I find that extremely interesting. Though it's also often been because I personally want to make somebody's desire come to fruition, even at the cost of my mental health. And the very simple reason for that is because I find desires manifesting into reality, no matter what shape it's in, to be a *very* fascinating and beautiful thing.

But you know, I've never directly asked myself what my own desire is. My innermost desire? It's rather fickle. It's something that's rarely static. I desire connections, and I also crave "love", but I also want all of the mystery in this life to be explored by myself, as well. I want to see the completion of fate and my ideals, as well as the progression of my own life and soul, it's just so fascinating and... beautiful to think about, you know? But there's one thing that I want the most. It's rather vague, but I think it's the one thing that I might be able to call my innermost desire. A revolutionary change. Not one dealing with politics, or really anything that just goes on within the confines of this "normal" world,, but something that's going to change the course of everything, on a personal level too.

It might seem narcissistic, but I've always believed this life of mine to be something "special", I've always believed myself to be somebody special. Not because I have any amazing qualities or because my life has a lot going for it, and not even because there's clearly some fate ongoing in my life right now, but for the sole, simple fact that I'm currently me, and because I'm going through *this* life that I'm in right now. I do believe that I might have had past lives, but for the fact that I'm living this current one, I believe that this is the "big" one. I feel like I've grown so much and gone through so many mental troubles, is because there's something big and climactic waiting for me in this life. This thought of mine first popped up when the "spirit of light" did. If it really is an external spirit that sought me out for my willpower, then what does this mean? Within the first few days that I saw the light, I was asking "why me?" While it is true that my willpower and mental strength at the time was particularly strong, why would such a special-seeming spirit lend energy to somebody like me, somebody who's generally just so frail and weak? It's not something that I can know the full answer to just yet, unfortunately. In regards to what this life is going to become, I think there's only two answers, both of which are extremes: To me, a life that's just going to end up being hopelessly dull in the long run, or a life that's going to be *big*, in a lot of senses, bringing out my soul entirely.

This could all be just blasphemous and unrealistic of me, but I *am* somebody that considers every single possibility that appears to me.