xVTMxPoseidon: okay
xVTMxPoseidon: you talk
xVTMxPoseidon: ill listen
xVTMxPoseidon: and respond
xVTMxPoseidon: and you will do sme
xVTMxPoseidon: okay?
xB34UTYx: My walls I have up I understand them very well
xB34UTYx: I put them up to protect myself from my family an people
xVTMxPoseidon: i know but you saying no one understands is false
xB34UTYx: No let me finish
xVTMxPoseidon: okay
xB34UTYx: I have been abused from the time I could walk. My mom has tried to kill me 7-8 times growing up. I have been handed off from family to family to family till I was 18 because my mom didnt want me but everytime she handed me off she would pull me away from my family the one she would send me too when I had a great life she would yank it from me an make me her lil bitch growing up... me an my brothers was taken from her twice an I had to raise them at the age of 10 I had to be a mom an a sister so I didnt have a childhood what so ever I got beat for trying to raise my bros I got beat for not being a good enough daughter I got beat for not doing something the right way I got beat for doing it the wrong way sometimes so everything I did was never good enough I was never enough for what seemed like anyone. The one who raised me the most when she got her hands on me was my grandma she tried her best to save me from the life I had.... I still raise my bro sometimes when my mom cant besides being rapped an sexually assulted growing up I was abused an I've seen death as well my mom use to kill my pets in front of my face growing up because it was her way to punish me an make me bow down
xB34UTYx: I am strong trust me I am... I have been through hell my whole life I protect the ones I love I defend the ones who are important to me I try my best to be me all the time
xB34UTYx: I understand my walls an sometimes I feel like others dont an I get shot down for my walls
xB34UTYx: yes I need help taking my own walls down
xB34UTYx: I struggle taking them down
xB34UTYx: shush let me finish
xB34UTYx: I do care about you an when I say that you make me feel safe I mean it
xB34UTYx: There is so much in my life people dont understand... an I get pushed aside for it
xB34UTYx: You can decide if you want to be with me or leave me or pick if you want to be here or not... I will fight for you if I need an believe me I wont give up on what I love
xB34UTYx: So for the walls I have built I am sorry
xB34UTYx: Its hard for me to bring them down when so many people have given me reasons to keep them up
xB34UTYx: If one person would just give me reasons good reasons an show me its okay to bring them down I will
xVTMxPoseidon: shhhh im typing my turn
xB34UTYx: x..x
xB34UTYx: okay
xVTMxPoseidon: I have been abadoned since birth. My biological father gave up on me and left me with an evil scumbag. Who married my mom when i was 4. At the weddding i dropped the ring and got my ass beat and locked in a van with no air for rest of night. For years i was beaten and abused. Didnt get to eat for a week or days. At age 8 i had to pick up the fuckery so my siblings wouldnt be hurt which resulted in my ass getting beat more and more. I wasnt a person i was a punching bag. I didnt have friends. I had aspergers and was never taught how to live life. I was considered a literal retard. In and out of metnal hospitals for trying to kill myself. Was in juvie residential places like foster homes till i got better. Was pissed on every few days by my stepdad i had. All when i got out at 12 it was for nothing because my brother and sister who i was protecting were being raped whole time and i seen it once and could of stopped it but didnt cause didnt understand what was going on. That has tore me up till i was 16 where i did die from killing myself and came back to be thrown away from my family. I had to bring myself outof that as well as learn how to speak, function, behave, and not think of myself as a constant fuck up and that is all i was meant for . I was that way till just this past year where i got myself out of that mindset and walls
xVTMxPoseidon: because you need to be able to learn to do this for yourself because in life stuggles and shit is always guranteed
xVTMxPoseidon: you have to be strong and know you cna get passed it cause youve been through it
xVTMxPoseidon: i have every right to tell you that your wrong
xVTMxPoseidon: and that i understand in my own
xVTMxPoseidon: way
xVTMxPoseidon: your walls dont define as a person and what you do
xVTMxPoseidon: i am living proof of that
xVTMxPoseidon: so get off of your pity high horse
xVTMxPoseidon: because im here to tell you
xVTMxPoseidon: its a waste of time
xVTMxPoseidon: and you will onyl become more bitter evil and worse
xVTMxPoseidon: and hurt others around you for it
xVTMxPoseidon: those are excuses
xVTMxPoseidon: what you are saying
xVTMxPoseidon: if you wann drop wall
xVTMxPoseidon: and trust someone
xVTMxPoseidon: just do it
xVTMxPoseidon: stop making excvuses
xVTMxPoseidon: and using the pain as a way to hold yourself back
xVTMxPoseidon: someone told me this same thing
xVTMxPoseidon: i was in your shoes as you are right now
xVTMxPoseidon: and i needed to hear this
xVTMxPoseidon: you need to stop
xVTMxPoseidon: you know there will be struggles
xVTMxPoseidon: and you have been through them already
xVTMxPoseidon: so fuck the past ones
xVTMxPoseidon: and focus on the future struggles
xVTMxPoseidon: focus on now
xVTMxPoseidon: they arent struggles anymore
xVTMxPoseidon: they are things to make you stronger
xVTMxPoseidon: you can either own up to the challenge and cards you have been dealt
xVTMxPoseidon: and change them for yourself
xVTMxPoseidon: or let them over bear you
xVTMxPoseidon: pokay?
xVTMxPoseidon: there is no in between
xVTMxPoseidon: im thankful for my past now
xVTMxPoseidon: and my struggles i go through now
xVTMxPoseidon: cause when i get through them
xVTMxPoseidon: and be who i wanna be
xVTMxPoseidon: i defy any negative that they could hold onto me
xVTMxPoseidon: and take away that power from the people who hurt me
xVTMxPoseidon: if you hate something
xVTMxPoseidon: fight it
xVTMxPoseidon: dont accept failure and pain
xVTMxPoseidon: you fight it
xVTMxPoseidon: if your step dad is something you hate
xVTMxPoseidon: and you dont wnat  him doing shit
xVTMxPoseidon: you struggle and fight agaisnt him
xVTMxPoseidon: even if it could kill you
xVTMxPoseidon: cause worst case scenario si you die
xVTMxPoseidon: it is something we all wish at oine point
xVTMxPoseidon: but iof you fight
xVTMxPoseidon: and you win
xVTMxPoseidon: you are so much more
xVTMxPoseidon: and you become so happy
xVTMxPoseidon: because you fight
xVTMxPoseidon: and put up as much as you could
xVTMxPoseidon: understand?
xVTMxPoseidon: either way is a win
xVTMxPoseidon: if you tried and fought
xVTMxPoseidon: there is no negative or postivie
xVTMxPoseidon: there is what you want
xVTMxPoseidon: and what you make of something
xVTMxPoseidon: cause death anbd hurtles in life will always be
xVTMxPoseidon: its what you do when facing them that defines who you are
xVTMxPoseidon: are you gonna fight
xVTMxPoseidon: or give up?
xVTMxPoseidon: cause if you dont hear and think abotu thsi now
xVTMxPoseidon: and continue as you are
xVTMxPoseidon: you already have given up
xVTMxPoseidon: and that isnt what you deserve
xVTMxPoseidon: you deserve to fight and say fuck the shit
xVTMxPoseidon: and it has no power over you
xVTMxPoseidon: im done
xVTMxPoseidon: read
xVTMxPoseidon: thnk about it
xVTMxPoseidon: tjhen answer
xVTMxPoseidon: cause if you dont
xB34UTYx: I dont know how to answer... im actually for once speechless....
xVTMxPoseidon: not only will you hurt yourself
xVTMxPoseidon: but others around you
xVTMxPoseidon: sit here with me
xVTMxPoseidon: and thnk
xVTMxPoseidon: i thought about it for days and weeks when i was told
xVTMxPoseidon: i needed this talk
xVTMxPoseidon: just like you need it now