Happy Anniversary (2018)

1
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:11,553
(BOTTLE RATTLING)

2
00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:13,430
(LIQUID POURING)

3
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:20,103
(INHALES) This is a Ometepe.

4
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:22,147
It's beautiful.

5
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:23,982
It's gorgeous. Thanks for showing us that.

6
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,608
- Thank you.
- Thanks for that gift.

7
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,987
Lindsay and I hiked to the peak,
and we swam in a crater.

8
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:31,740
- MAN 2: Oh, wow.
- Only took us 12 hours up and down.

9
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,909
- Is that all?
- Twelve hours? That's it? Fuck.

10
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:38,329
- I uncovered a lot that I'd been burying.
- Oh.

11
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:41,708
The food at the Eagle Lodge.
The breakfast is insane.

12
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,460
- Hao, show them.
- Oh, yeah.

13
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:46,379
We actually love breakfast.
We've seen a ton of breakfasts. Thank you.

14
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:48,673
I'm sure. And the pictures
are so small you can barely…

15
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,842
You're right. You know, watch this.

16
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:52,260
What?

17
00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:54,179
- LINDSAY: Yeah, yeah.
- Just takes a second.

18
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:57,640
LINDSAY: Yeah. It'll work, it'll work.
It's worth the wait.

19
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:02,854
Do you want more fernet?

20
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:05,190
- We're still working on it.
- We're still… Yeah.

21
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:06,566
- Thank you though.
- (CHUCKLES)

22
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,319
- (SWALLOWS)
- (GASPS)

23
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:11,404
It's good, right? It feels…

24
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,533
- It's good for you.
- It's like medicine.

25
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,703
(SPITS IN GLASS)
Very good. Very nice. Yeah.

26
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,414
- HAO: Here we go. Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- MAN 2: Oh, wow!

27
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,124
MAN 2: That is breakfast.

28
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,293
- Fernet? I'm sorry, fernet?
- Oh, I know.

29
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:28,129
- Why can't they just drink wine?
- Because everybody drinks wine.

30
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,715
Yeah. Well, everyone drinks wine
for a reason.

31
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,634
How long till we have to
hang out with them again?

32
00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:36,095
I know. I know it's annoying,
but Lindsay's like family to me.

33
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,555
We went to college together.

34
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:40,892
A bunch of people went to art school
with Hitler, but eventually they moved on.

35
00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,310
- Fair.
- Very fair.

36
00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:44,187
Whoa, wait. Until the mailbox.

37
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,981
Are you crazy? I'll give you hydrant,
and that's all I'll give you.

38
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,316
Hydrant? Don't be a pussy.

39
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,652
Okay, no. Um, ugly bush.

40
00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:51,736
- Ugly bush.
- Ugly bush.

41
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,823
Ready? Here it comes. And that's the bush.

42
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:59,160
- (TAUNTING WHINE)
- Oh… Oh-ho-ho.

43
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,703
- Don't brake. Do not brake!
- I'm not braking!

44
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,330
- Do not brake!
- I'm not braking!

45
00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:04,040
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

46
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,750
MAN 2: Oh-ho-ho!

47
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,544
(MAN 2 SIGHS)

48
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,671
Whoo!

49
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:11,548
- You clicked before ugly bush.
- Bullshit.

50
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,466
You did. It was way before the bush.

51
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,135
No. We grazed the fucking fence.

52
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,928
I actually think
that we scratched the bumper.

53
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:18,555
So? That's what it's there for.

54
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,099
It's called a bumper.
It's meant to bump into things.

55
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:23,184
But they charge you for that
when you return the lease,

56
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:26,062
and I think some of the rubber
rubbed off on the fucking fence.

57
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,981
Landlord's gonna take that
out of our security deposit.

58
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:31,401
You're right. We should move out before
our landlord realizes what we've done.

59
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:35,029
We could hide out on Ometepe.
I hear it's really nice this time of year.

60
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:36,197
- Great breakfasts.
- Yeah.

61
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,740
Yeah, I've seen pictures.

62
00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:43,264
You know, Lindsay and Hao make
all other humans miserable,

63
00:02:43,306 --> 00:02:44,853
but they actually make
each other really happy.

64
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,708
Oh, my God. Those two?

65
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:50,920
Yeah. I know it's crazy, but he looks
at her like he's just met her.

66
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:51,963
That's a fuckin' act.

67
00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:53,131
- No, it's not.
- It is.

68
00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:55,633
No, when they talk to each other,
they're not just talking.

69
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:58,636
- They're really listening.
- Believe me, it's bullshit, okay?

70
00:02:58,720 --> 00:02:59,721
They're not happy.

71
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:01,806
Not like we're happy.

72
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,685
And speaking of happy…

73
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:08,271
you know what day today is?

74
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,607
- That's not until tomorrow.
- Mmm.

75
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:12,734
It is tomorrow.

76
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:15,862
Three years. Three years.

77
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,661
(EXHALES)

78
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:33,212
(BARKING)

79
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,592
(BARKING)

80
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,930
(BARKING CONTINUES)

81
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,642
(GROANING)

82
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,521
Shut the fuck up, Donny!

83
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:54,692
♪ Happy anniversary, happy anniversary ♪
♪ Happy anniversary, happy anniversary ♪

84
00:03:58,112 --> 00:04:01,324
Ow, fucking… I fucking stepped on
a stupid fucking clip.

85
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:04,244
Oh. Morning, beautiful lady.

86
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:06,955
You're only allowed to say that
if you mean it.

87
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:10,833
I do mean it.
I like you like this. No makeup, just you.

88
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,502
- Really? Oh.
- Mmm.

89
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:15,171
But your breath smells like cat food.

90
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,048
- (EXHALING)
- (GROANING)

91
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,801
Fancy Feast. Oh, my God! What did you eat?

92
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,512
Oh, is that a…?

93
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:24,430
- Blueberry buttermilk scone?
- Mm-hmm.

94
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,266
- (GRUNTS)
- And is that…?

95
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,184
A little something special
from the east side.

96
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,229
Do you like jam? I forget.
Do you love jam or do you like jam?

97
00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:34,190
You're crazy going into that neighborhood.
It's dangerous.

98
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,900
Historic Filipinotown?

99
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,653
- Yeah, they have gangs.
- Yeah. Historic gangs.

100
00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:41,072
- (CHUCKLES) Mmm.
- Hit me.

101
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:42,573
- Bonk.
- Bonk.

102
00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:46,828
- No. Meow Mix.
- I don't care.

103
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:51,374
Happy anniversary.

104
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,377
Oh, my God.

105
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,839
- Do you know what's about to happen?
- Mm-mmm.

106
00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,424
- Oh, yeah.
- (MOANS)

107
00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:02,552
Do you feel what's about to happen?
Hmm? You know it?

108
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,387
(SIGHS)

109
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:06,848
Mmm. (KISSES)

110
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:09,934
I'm not happy.

111
00:05:13,354 --> 00:05:15,023
- What?
- Nothing.

112
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,942
You can't nothing “I'm not happy.”

113
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,444
I am so sorry.

114
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:22,155
You're sorry you said it,
or you're sorry you're not happy?

115
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:23,781
Both. Oh.

116
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:30,455
On our anniversary.

117
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:33,041
I know. I wasn't planning
on saying anything today.

118
00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:36,878
It literally just came out. Like I
physically couldn't hold it in anymore.

119
00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,046
It was emotional diarrhea.

120
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:39,839
This moment is when you want to do it?

121
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:43,217
You are such a good person, Sam,
and I want to be happy with you.

122
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,552
I really, really do, but…

123
00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,554
We've been together for three years.
You couldn't talk to me?

124
00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:49,640
Every time I try and talk to you
about my feelings, you get mad.

125
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,894
That's because your feelings
are fucking bullshit.

126
00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:55,730
You get off on not being happy
when everything's fucking fine.

127
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,733
Are you fucking serious?

128
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,862
Did that seem fine to you?

129
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,700
I'm not saying that we're perfect. Okay?

130
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,494
Nobody's fucking perfect.

131
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,162
I know that.

132
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:15,875
I just want the most perfect version
of imperfectness.

133
00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:22,006
I, um…

134
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:25,134
Tell me what's wrong.
What are you missing?

135
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,596
I know I miss the person
that I met three years ago.

136
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,515
You can't do that, okay?

137
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,642
You can't compare me now
to the me three years ago.

138
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,061
- That guy was wooing you.
- You should never stop wooing.

139
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:38,773
This orange juice is freshly squeezed.
I just wooed your ass off.

140
00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,191
You drove ten minutes.

141
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:43,194
Into gang territory.
How do you forget that so quickly?

142
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:44,779
For your favorite scone.

143
00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:47,115
We split this thing every time we go.

144
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,450
- You love that fucking scone.
- No, they're fine, okay?

145
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,577
You were so excited to get me
to try them the first time

146
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,831
that I didn't want to disappoint you,
but you love these things, Sam.

147
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,208
My guess is you probably woke up
this morning craving them,

148
00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:59,877
and you knew you had to do something
vaguely nice for our anniversary,

149
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,922
so you decided to kill two birds
with one scone.

150
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,008
In England, they pronounce it “skahn.”

151
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,845
When's the last time
you did something just for me?

152
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,597
Because that's what the guy
that I first met would do.

153
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,266
That guy was romantic.

154
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,652
Come on. Let's go sit down.

155
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:35,705
Shira? No, sorry.

156
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,877
Are you absolutely sure
you're not Shira Weinberg?

157
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,546
Yeah, I'm almost positive
my name is Mollie.

158
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:44,839
- Mollie.
- Mm-hmm.

159
00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:47,592
- Of course. Nice to meet you, Mollie.
- Nice to meet you.

160
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,221
If I flirt with you right now,
I look like an asshole, right?

161
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,265
Because you know
I'm waiting for somebody else?

162
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,018
You have amazing eyes, Mollie.

163
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:59,604
I did it. Fuck it, I did it.
I flirted with you anyway.

164
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:02,732
Who am I? I'm Sam. Nice to meet you.

165
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,736
So is it like a blind date?

166
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,363
(CLICKS TONGUE, SIGHS) Well, to be honest…

167
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,699
I love when people specify “to be honest.”

168
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,910
Does that mean I can assume
everything you've said before

169
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,323
and are about to say
to me is bullshit?

170
00:08:19,234 --> 00:08:21,588
- It's an Internet date.
- God help you.

171
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:24,420
Mmm. I don't think he will,
seeing as I don't believe in him,

172
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,297
which is probably why
he's punishing me now

173
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:28,925
by making you not Shira Weinberg.

174
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,885
You really don't believe
that there's anything out there?

175
00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:32,970
I don't not believe.

176
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,640
I feel like it's something
that humans can never fathom.

177
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:38,935
Like quarks. Or black Republicans.

178
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:42,647
- I believe in ghosts.
- I am so sorry. I think I did see Shira.

179
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:43,731
I know it's crazy,

180
00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:47,109
but I like people too much
to believe that they just go away.

181
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,613
I wish I liked people that much.

182
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,698
Maybe you just know the wrong ones.

183
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,330
So what is this meeting?
Is it like a thing?

184
00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,249
- A thing?
- Is it a date? I want to know…

185
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,833
- Is it a date?
- I'm not answering that question.

186
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:03,918
Okay.

187
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,755
And it looks like your thing
just walked in.

188
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,966
No, no, no, no. That is not Shira.

189
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,759
You're right. She's more of a Dawn.

190
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:15,054
- Oh, that's a Dawn.
- Yeah, she lives at home with her parents.

191
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,514
She's really into firemen.

192
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:18,349
Yeah, she used to be a cheerleader,

193
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:20,268
but one of the ones
on the bottom of the pyramid,

194
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,895
because she's beautiful but also sturdy,
knows how to get it done.

195
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,314
- I used to be a cheerleader.
- I'm listening.

196
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,816
It was the worst.

197
00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,694
The football players smelled.
The girls were brutal to me.

198
00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:33,197
They absolutely tortured me.
If you were just at all different…

199
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,449
Do you still have the uniform or…

200
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,703
I am opening up my soul to you
about the torture of my childhood,

201
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:39,787
and this is your question?

202
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:42,498
I'm so sorry, but do you have the uniform?

203
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:45,001
I have it somewhere, yeah.

204
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,630
All right, Mollie. We know about Dawn.

205
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:52,425
Why don't we give these two a shot?
Who are these two?

206
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:55,261
Well, she's Patricia,
a pharmaceutical rep,

207
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,721
and Dale.

208
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,055
- Oh, wow.
- The doctor.

209
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,349
- Of course he is.
- And he became a doctor

210
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,517
to meet a pharmaceutical rep.

211
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,102
This happened the exact way he wanted?

212
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:04,520
- Exactly.
- Unbelievable.

213
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,356
It's under Weinberg. W-E-I-N…

214
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,275
- Ah.
- …berg as in “berg.”

215
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,152
- Hey, she's cute.
- Yeah.

216
00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:12,945
- I have really good taste in women.
- Mm-hmm.

217
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:20,828
Hey.

218
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:22,121
(KISSING)

219
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:25,374
You were nervous that that was my thing.

220
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:29,170
You were nervous I was gonna
fall in love with Shira Weinberg.

221
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:32,715
Now, Mollie, if you will, I have to go.

222
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,925
Lateness is one of Shira's pet peeves.

223
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,596
- You're actually gonna go through with it?
- Yeah.

224
00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:41,974
I can't leave her stranded like that.
That'd be cruel.

225
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,100
Also, she is waving.

226
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:46,979
Could you wave back with me
so it looks like we're… Yes. Fantastic.

227
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,439
Okay. Great.

228
00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:52,151
Rest assured though, I'll be
thinking about you the entire time.

229
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:55,363
Bye, Moll.

230
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,993
Hey. Mollie, what do you do for a living?

231
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:04,330
Really? I expected more from you
than that. That is such a cliché question.

232
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:05,539
Yeah, it's a cliché question,

233
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,209
but if you don't tell me,
how am I going to be able to stalk you?

234
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:14,090
The edible arrangement you sent?
That guy was romantic.

235
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,425
Romantic. You're pissing in front of me.

236
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,010
Yeah, I've been drinking a lot of water.

237
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,346
I'm staying hydrated.
You should be happy for me.

238
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:21,722
And you didn't love that guy.

239
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:24,683
You hated the me you met.
You know you did.

240
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:25,976
I did not.

241
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,980
- You did. You hated my hair.
- Yeah, it was science teacher creepy.

242
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,440
- You hated my clothes.
- Oh, yeah.

243
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,858
Do you remember those shoes?

244
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,944
- You hated my apartment.
- Yeah, it was depressing.

245
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:38,072
What's depressing is your idealizing the
past when you were never happy with me.

246
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:40,825
- You're never happy with anything.
- (SIGHS) There's nothing to eat.

247
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:45,121
There is a scone waiting for you
on the bed right now,

248
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,707
hand-delivered, by the way,
and I think if you just try the jam…

249
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,793
(DONNY BARKING)

250
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,336
- Again?
- Third time this morning.

251
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,839
Oh, my God. Shut the fuck up, Donny.

252
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,133
Wait, wait. You're all right.

253
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,969
There's nothing out there.
There's nothing out there.

254
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,263
Or maybe there is.

255
00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:04,348
No. I think you just smell
a raccoon or something.

256
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,766
Yeah, either that or

257
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:10,020
there's an evil creature
lurking in the bushes, taunting him.

258
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,356
But you will never catch him

259
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,900
- for there is no creature.
- Oh, my God.

260
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:18,154
Because the creature is you! Whoo… Oh!

261
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,448
My… What? Why do you do that?

262
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:23,909
What? 'Cause he's dumb
and I love him and it's fun.

263
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:27,246
- (GROANS, SIGHS)
- (DONNY BARKING)

264
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:28,414
(CHUCKLES)

265
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,624
Happy anniversary.

266
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,334
(SIGHS) It's just a day, Sam.

267
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,086
Really? Just a day?

268
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:37,548
It feels like a lot more.
I mean, all this time together.

269
00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:39,216
It's kind of a big deal, right?

270
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,551
You're right.

271
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:43,637
(MOLLIE SIGHS)
It's our anniversary tomorrow.

272
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,598
It's really, like, I don't know.

273
00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:46,932
MOLLIE: It's scary.

274
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:51,312
Reassuring. If you can make it that long
with someone, you can make it forever.

275
00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:55,566
MOLLIE: If you don't know for sure
by now, maybe it's just time to move on?

276
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,193
SAM: Maybe it's time to commit.

277
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,320
- We spent our last anniversary
- We spent our last anniversary

278
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:00,654
- in Dubrovnik.
- In Dubrovnik.

279
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,406
- It was majestic.
- It was majestic.

280
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,285
I mean, three years.
It feels like a threshold.

281
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:07,369
I know.

282
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,705
Oh, shit. My dad's gonna kill me.

283
00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:12,249
That's right. You gotta take your dad
to his thing today.

284
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,960
Wait. His “thing”?

285
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,379
His thing, it's called chemo.

286
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,132
- My dad has cancer and he's getting chemo.
- I know.

287
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,967
- You can't even say it.
- You know what I meant.

288
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,636
This is what you do. You sugarcoat things.

289
00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:24,762
I don't sugarcoat anything.

290
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,847
Yeah? I've seen less sugarcoating
on a Krispy Kreme.

291
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,265
- No…
- According to you,

292
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:31,477
my father just has some extra-fun
bonus tissue in his colon.

293
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,271
“Congratulations, Mr. Mangini.
These cells are real fast growers.”

294
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:37,775
- Hey, hey.
- My dad has cancer, and I'm not happy!

295
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,652
Hey, can we not do this outside, please?

296
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:43,155
Oh, my God.
God forbid that our neighbors hear this!

297
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,740
Or see us having sex

298
00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:47,284
in the millimeter space
in the broken blinds in the window.

299
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,578
We can't talk about money in a taxi

300
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,122
because you're too embarrassed
for the driver to hear you complaining

301
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,874
- when he has it way worse.
- Hey.

302
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,709
You are so worried about everybody else

303
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,379
that you don't give a shit about the one
person that's supposed to matter most

304
00:13:58,462 --> 00:13:59,630
because you already have me.

305
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:03,259
That's so nice, Sam, but when's the last
time a cabbie gave you a blow job?

306
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:06,428
Does an Uber driver count?

307
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,764
- That's not fun… I'm not laughing.
- It is kind of funny.

308
00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:09,723
No. I'm not laughing.

309
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,892
Because Grindhorst sucked my penis
in a surprising way.

310
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:12,810
Oh, God.

311
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,895
You would have loved the way
he sucked my dick.

312
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:16,939
(MOLLIE SIGHS)

313
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,907
- (BUTTON CLICKS)
- (CHIMING)

314
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,952
- Fuck.
- (CHIMING CONTINUES)

315
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:33,414
- I thought I told you to get this fixed.
- You want a ride to your parents' or not?

316
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:39,962
- (ENGINE STARTS)
- SAM: Ooh!

317
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,392
(SIGHS)

318
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,185
Today's your big work thing.

319
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:58,063
Yep, which is why I was hoping for
a little more support

320
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,773
and a little less “I'm not happy.”

321
00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:03,319
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry my feelings
don't line up with your schedule.

322
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,070
You know, you can't control emotions.

323
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:07,364
Are you fucking serious? Coming from you?

324
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:10,284
You're like the Wayne Gretzky
of emotion control.

325
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:13,078
You somehow manage to control
whether or not you fall in love.

326
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:16,916
It's not called “gently reclining”
in love. It's called falling in love.

327
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,626
Because, yeah, it could hurt,

328
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,503
but you're never gonna know
unless you jump off the fucking ledge.

329
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,006
- Who's Wayne Gretzker?
- It's like

330
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:27,009
you've been wading into a pool
for three years.

331
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,929
Just slowly, painfully,
adjusting to the cold.

332
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,389
At some point, usually when the water
touches your balls

333
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:34,516
or the bottom of your vagina,
people just jump in.

334
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,269
- You think I don't want to?
- Well, then why don't you?

335
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:43,359
If you didn't have to curl the same piece
of hair three times, we wouldn't be late.

336
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,945
I'm trying to fix
this piece of hair for you

337
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,529
so that I can make you look good.

338
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,407
How good will it look if we end up
going to the dinner party late?

339
00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:54,495
So glad we weren't late.

340
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,722
- Why do you keep fighting me?
- I'm not. You won't admit when I'm right.

341
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,099
Stop being such a bitch.

342
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,770
- I was kidding.
- No, you weren't. Mm-mmm.

343
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:20,961
Yes, I was. I was kidding.

344
00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:25,862
- Hey.
- Right.

345
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,655
Fuck you.

346
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,199
Fuck you.

347
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,791
The only time I'll ever be happy
is when you're fucking dead.

348
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,962
- I didn't say that.
- I heard you.

349
00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:47,589
- I didn't mean it.
- Of course. You were just kidding.

350
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,843
- Mollie, come on.
- (SIGHS) You lived those days too, Sam.

351
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:53,178
I mean,
what about us makes you so goddamn sure?

352
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:59,435
- Hope you like this place.
- The short ribs look great.

353
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,937
Tsk. I'm a vegetarian.

354
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,606
I never would have brought us here
for the first date if I knew.

355
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,900
- Except that I eat fish.
- Okay.

356
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,445
And prosciutto. Because it's delicious.

357
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:13,741
And fennel sausage and pepperoni on pizza.

358
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,160
- 'Cause that doesn't count. It's on pizza.
- Of course. Yeah.

359
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:19,288
- Do you want to split the chili fries?
- Yes, I think so.

360
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:20,456
- (SAM MOANS)
- Yeah.

361
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,373
- Okay.
- Okay.

362
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,417
This is exactly what I thought
it was gonna be like.

363
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,127
Exactly what I thought
it was gonna be like.

364
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,503
- Yeah.
- That's him.

365
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,007
That's the one. That's Mr. Woofington.

366
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:34,094
- I thought we were gonna call him Donny.
- Yeah, Donny Woofington, attorney-at-dog.

367
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,221
- He's a lawyer? Wow.
- Mm-hmm.

368
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:40,642
And does Woofington do human cases,
or is it, like, pet cases?

369
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:44,730
No, it's human.
Like civil rights, immigrations issues.

370
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,273
He comes in the courtroom…

371
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:49,234
- Gitmo release detainments.
- Wow, shit. He really gets into it.

372
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,570
I had no idea.
This is good for everybody if we get him.

373
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,155
(IN UNISON) Defense!

374
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:55,032
Defense!

375
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,751
(BOTH SHOUTING)

376
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,462
- But he's so healthy.
- (MOLLIE SNIFFLES)

377
00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:10,547
Yeah, I guess
it doesn't make a difference.

378
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,509
I want a cigarette.

379
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:14,676
You don't smoke.

380
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,137
Yeah, but I might as well start
since it's all bullshit.

381
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,181
I want a cheeseburger
and I want Marlboro Reds.

382
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:20,474
- No.
- Why not?

383
00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,810
Because I don't want to lose you.

384
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,105
I don't want to lose you either.

385
00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:28,023
Really?

386
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:32,903
I mean, not yet.
Maybe when we're 70 and I'm sick of you.

387
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:34,488
(SAM LAUGHS)

388
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:44,498
- This is so hard.
- It doesn't have to be.

389
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,751
Look. Nobody's saying
we have to get married.

390
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:50,129
Why do we have to decide now?
Why can't we take our time?

391
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,339
Because I don't have any more time, Sam.

392
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:58,053
Oh, right. So this is the baby thing?
You don't think I'm baby-worthy.

393
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,347
- No, it's not that.
- This is fucking insane.

394
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:04,935
- Sam…
- Amazing. Amazing.

395
00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:07,896
The person getting in the way of
our relationship doesn't even exist yet.

396
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:11,942
You don't understand how much pressure
there is for me. It's easy for you.

397
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,444
You can have a Steve Martin baby
when you're 80.

398
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:18,157
I don't want to have a baby when I'm an
old man who can't pick up his fucking kid.

399
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,158
You would love that.

400
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,828
I could think of nothing you would love
more than not having to carry your baby.

401
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:23,996
Yeah, that would be nice.

402
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,290
Meanwhile I'm a 30-ish-years-old woman.

403
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:29,001
I should have figured this shit out
like yesterday.

404
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:33,213
What, I have, like, four, five years
for me not to have a messed-up baby?

405
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:36,341
If you're not the guy,
I need to budget time to find the guy.

406
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,886
Then there's another three years
of vetting, and my biological clock

407
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:42,222
is just ticking down, tick, tick, tick,
fast approaching zero.

408
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,974
Basically, I'm in The Hurt Locker.

409
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:46,226
The Hurt Locker.
You know what? You're right.

410
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,645
Why don't we pull the red wire?
Good luck with everything.

411
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,314
- Sam…
- I do hope you find

412
00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:53,525
that perfectly imperfect person,
but I have news for you.

413
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:54,985
He doesn't exist.

414
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,237
You won't let yourself be happy.

415
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,076
It's not easy for me, Sam.

416
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,621
My… My parents, it's…

417
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,928
We're not them.

418
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:23,138
I don't want to stay together
just to stay together.

419
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,641
Barely speak to each other,
sleep in separate rooms.

420
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,684
Oh, my God, you would love your own room.

421
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:29,186
- Yeah.
- You could stretch out.

422
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:31,730
You could do that weird
fucking thing that you do in bed.

423
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:33,232
Yeah, it would be really nice.

424
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:36,902
Look, maybe I…

425
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:41,323
Maybe I'll just stay
with my parents for a little while.

426
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:44,493
Obviously if you want to be near your dad
when he's sick, I get it.

427
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:45,494
Yeah.

428
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:50,457
And it would be good for me to see things
from another perspective.

429
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:53,210
What does that mean,
“another perspective”?

430
00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,587
You know,
give us space to clear our heads.

431
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:57,589
Like a little break.

432
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,509
Mollie, is this about… Hey, Mollie?

433
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:03,262
Mollie…

434
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:07,015
Is this about your dad,
or is this about us breaking up?

435
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:10,227
- Space can be good.
- How long you been planning this?

436
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:15,023
It's just a time-out.
It doesn't have to be a huge thing.

437
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,359
Pick up the rest of your shit today.
All right?

438
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:19,444
Come on. Whoa.

439
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:24,449
Well, fuck. (SIGHS)

440
00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:28,787
Fine. It's totally okay.

441
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,707
We both needed a break. Just…

442
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:34,710
(GRUNTS) Oh.

443
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,095
I don't need a man.

444
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:48,682
I got it. You're independent, Mollie.

445
00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,393
Mom?

446
00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:58,442
MAN: She's dead to me.

447
00:21:58,525 --> 00:21:59,943
The thing about Mollie is…

448
00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:02,696
Who? Oh, the dead girl,
because she's so dead to me.

449
00:22:02,779 --> 00:22:04,031
Ed, you can't say that…

450
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:06,867
This woman strings you along
for three fucking years.

451
00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:10,620
And not just any years.
The golden fucking years of your mid-30s.

452
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:13,665
- It's more complicated than that.
- How is it complicated?

453
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,834
She's an awful person.
She doesn't appreciate you.

454
00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:19,629
You don't understand, okay?
All you see is happy fun-time friend Sam.

455
00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,882
- I'm a blast around you.
- You're not that fun.

456
00:22:21,965 --> 00:22:26,094
You're not privy to all my faults, like
two beers almost always leads to eight,

457
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:29,347
and when I get upset,
I say these venomous, acidic things

458
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:31,433
that I would never say in a million years.

459
00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:33,351
Also, I'm not as thoughtful
as I was at the beginning.

460
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:34,728
Basically, you're a human being.

461
00:22:35,395 --> 00:22:38,482
And believe me,
you're a really good one, Sam.

462
00:22:38,565 --> 00:22:41,109
All right?
And if she can't see that, then fuck her!

463
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:42,235
Wow, that turned.

464
00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:43,487
Come here.

465
00:22:43,570 --> 00:22:45,197
- Come here.
- Nah.

466
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,199
- Hey, hey.
- I don't want to.

467
00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:51,119
I have never seen anyone
more in need of a hug in my life.

468
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,288
Bring that shit in. Come here. Come on.

469
00:22:53,371 --> 00:22:54,790
- I don't want to.
- It's happening.

470
00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,166
- Don't. Don't.
- Five, four,

471
00:22:56,249 --> 00:22:57,584
- three…
- Four, five.

472
00:22:57,667 --> 00:22:58,668
- Don't count up.
- Six.

473
00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:00,962
You messed it… Fuck this. There we go.

474
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:03,090
- There it is. Mmm.
- Mmm.

475
00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:05,842
Just breathe. There you go.

476
00:23:05,926 --> 00:23:06,760
(EXHALES)

477
00:23:06,843 --> 00:23:08,762
It's a huge problem with American men,

478
00:23:08,845 --> 00:23:12,099
how you're uncomfortable
sharing physical affection like this.

479
00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:14,351
Did you know Italian dudes
hold hands in the street?

480
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:15,644
I didn't know that.

481
00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:18,480
- French dudes kiss hello.
- On the mouth?

482
00:23:18,563 --> 00:23:20,065
I was watching footie the other night,

483
00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:23,110
and this Portuguese player scored a goal,
and basically a gang bang broke out.

484
00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:25,695
I don't get soccer.

485
00:23:26,696 --> 00:23:28,907
I feel better. I do feel better.

486
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,535
(CHUCKLES) Thank you for that.

487
00:23:32,744 --> 00:23:35,558
Oh, you just checked to
see if she texted you.

488
00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:38,113
I'm checking to see if
the buyer called, okay?

489
00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:39,751
It's like you just gave her your digits

490
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:41,837
and you're waiting for
that first text back.

491
00:23:51,138 --> 00:23:51,972
(DING)

492
00:23:58,645 --> 00:23:59,646
(WARBLES)

493
00:24:02,899 --> 00:24:04,276
(WARBLES)

494
00:24:06,027 --> 00:24:07,028
(WARBLES)

495
00:24:09,322 --> 00:24:11,533
- (WARBLES)
- (CHUCKLES)

496
00:24:15,453 --> 00:24:17,455
Ahhh…

497
00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:35,265
Ahem!

498
00:24:35,348 --> 00:24:36,683
Whoo!

499
00:24:40,061 --> 00:24:42,230
We've got to get you back out there.

500
00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:44,065
I'm gonna set you up
with one of Priya's mates.

501
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:47,235
Jesus Christ. Ed, no, no, no, no.

502
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:50,780
The last thing I want to do in the fucking
universe now is start dating again.

503
00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:53,366
I used to think that arranged marriages
were unethical,

504
00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:56,119
but now I'm starting to think
they're the less painful process.

505
00:24:56,203 --> 00:24:58,705
Doing it ourselves? That shit is inhumane.

506
00:24:58,788 --> 00:25:02,167
Look at your parents. They had an arranged
marriage, and they're super happy.

507
00:25:03,710 --> 00:25:05,420
My parents met at medical school.

508
00:25:05,503 --> 00:25:06,671
- Right.
- Yeah.

509
00:25:06,755 --> 00:25:08,506
- Asshole.
- Right, right.

510
00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:10,592
I was kidding. I was kidding.

511
00:25:14,137 --> 00:25:17,599
I know that Sam's a good person deep down,
but is that good enough?

512
00:25:17,682 --> 00:25:20,477
And is good enough
good enough for the rest of my life?

513
00:25:21,061 --> 00:25:23,313
- No kidding.
- (EARPHONES: MAN SPEAKING)

514
00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:26,900
And that's when I decided to kill Sam.

515
00:25:27,609 --> 00:25:28,443
Yeah.

516
00:25:28,526 --> 00:25:31,238
With one of those spiky metal balls,
and nobody's been suspicious,

517
00:25:31,321 --> 00:25:34,324
because I've just been dragging his corpse
around Weekend at Bernie's style.

518
00:25:34,407 --> 00:25:37,702
- Well, he's a good guy, Mollie.
- (SIGHS)

519
00:25:37,786 --> 00:25:40,538
- What are you listening to?
- What? No, I have it…

520
00:25:40,622 --> 00:25:43,208
- I have it way down.
- Torah on Tape?

521
00:25:43,291 --> 00:25:46,544
You know,
I've never actually read the whole Bible.

522
00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:49,381
You still haven't read it.
Somebody's reading it to you.

523
00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:50,924
- What?
- Okay.

524
00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:53,927
It's just gonna be the one night here.
Then I'm gonna stay with a friend.

525
00:25:54,010 --> 00:25:56,554
Listen, you're gonna work this out
with Sam, okay?

526
00:25:56,638 --> 00:26:00,016
I mean,
you're always like this with decisions.

527
00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:02,018
- This is different.
- How?

528
00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:03,895
I don't know. I guess…

529
00:26:04,688 --> 00:26:07,691
it doesn't just affect me,
it's also about Sam.

530
00:26:07,774 --> 00:26:10,402
And a potential baby creature.

531
00:26:11,861 --> 00:26:13,321
- No.
- Oh!

532
00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:15,991
- Mom…
- Oh, wait. Shh.

533
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:18,076
Oh, I think I felt something.

534
00:26:18,159 --> 00:26:23,039
Oh, congratulations. You are the proud
grandmother of a vegan breakfast bowl.

535
00:26:24,291 --> 00:26:26,918
That's mean. That's just mean.

536
00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:30,714
Andiamo, bella. We go chemo.

537
00:26:30,797 --> 00:26:32,299
Yeah, we go chemo.

538
00:26:32,382 --> 00:26:34,592
…A high wind advisory
for Riverside County…

539
00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:37,595
Ah. Fucking Hal-a Storm.

540
00:26:37,679 --> 00:26:39,139
You don't like Hal Storm?

541
00:26:39,222 --> 00:26:40,807
He hates him.

542
00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:42,684
He think he so smart.

543
00:26:43,518 --> 00:26:44,769
Hal-a Storm.

544
00:26:44,853 --> 00:26:48,231
- One hundred years young today.
- (LAUGHING) Wow!

545
00:26:48,898 --> 00:26:50,025
Moses.

546
00:26:50,692 --> 00:26:52,193
- Come on.
- MOLLIE'S MOM: Crazy.

547
00:26:54,195 --> 00:26:57,282
So we get into
this very real fucking fight.

548
00:26:57,365 --> 00:26:59,200
Then instead of dealing with it,

549
00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:01,494
she goes and runs off
to her fucking parents.

550
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:05,540
No, I don't buy it.
No, she's probably with a rebound guy.

551
00:27:05,623 --> 00:27:08,293
Rebounding right onto
another dude's genitals.

552
00:27:09,169 --> 00:27:11,671
Say what you will about Mollie,
she'd never do anything like that.

553
00:27:11,755 --> 00:27:13,590
Oh, you're naive.

554
00:27:13,673 --> 00:27:15,800
- Women are like dogs.
- Wow. I say that as a dog lover.

555
00:27:18,094 --> 00:27:20,263
But the truth is,
you have to establish dominance early,

556
00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:22,599
- or they'll piss all over your rug.
- Okay.

557
00:27:22,682 --> 00:27:24,351
For the record, we've always hated her.

558
00:27:25,518 --> 00:27:26,353
Who's “we”?

559
00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:28,480
Me and your mum. We Facebook message.

560
00:27:28,563 --> 00:27:30,315
My mom's on Facebook? This is your problem, mate.

561
00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:34,736
Mollie is some flip-over-your-head,

562
00:27:34,819 --> 00:27:37,530
bicycle kick,
high-degree-of-difficulty shit.

563
00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:39,574
It doesn't have to be this hard.

564
00:27:39,657 --> 00:27:41,701
Go for a girl that's into you.

565
00:27:41,785 --> 00:27:45,121
What about the one you whined about
before Mollie? That lasted, like, a year.

566
00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:47,916
Georgia.

567
00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:08,645
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

568
00:28:08,728 --> 00:28:11,106
Georgia was… She was awesome.

569
00:28:11,189 --> 00:28:14,901
She was sweet, she was nice,
but I feel like something was missing.

570
00:28:15,485 --> 00:28:16,611
Yeah, the misery.

571
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,364
Maybe Mollie and I are just too different.

572
00:28:19,447 --> 00:28:21,991
Like I see the glass of water
as half full.

573
00:28:22,075 --> 00:28:24,035
She sees the water as poisoned.

574
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,788
Also, there's a chip in the glass,
so when you drink it,

575
00:28:26,871 --> 00:28:28,848
it's gonna cut your esophagus,
you're gonna bleed everywhere.

576
00:28:28,873 --> 00:28:30,922
Why don't we ask that
waiter for a new glass now.

577
00:28:31,292 --> 00:28:33,962
She just won't let herself be happy.

578
00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:35,672
And neither will you.

579
00:28:36,673 --> 00:28:39,592
Stop punishing yourself.
Find something simpler.

580
00:28:40,176 --> 00:28:42,303
Can we please
just get ready for this pitch?

581
00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:45,598
I can't work in the fucking office
designing deodorant labels anymore.

582
00:28:45,682 --> 00:28:48,226
We have to get our shirts on this website.

583
00:28:48,893 --> 00:28:51,646
- Eddie, is it okay if I do…
- No, not in this heat.

584
00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:53,231
- No, you don't have to.
- Hey, hey.

585
00:28:53,314 --> 00:28:56,443
Cold, cold, low spin.
The sexy shit doesn't go in the dryer.

586
00:28:57,026 --> 00:28:58,027
- Yeah.
- I got it.

587
00:28:58,111 --> 00:28:59,362
Okay. Good luck, guys.

588
00:28:59,446 --> 00:29:00,947
- Bye, muffin.
- Thanks, Priya.

589
00:29:04,951 --> 00:29:06,870
- What?
- I'm trying to remember.

590
00:29:06,953 --> 00:29:09,122
- It's cold, cold, low spin.
- Cold, cold…

591
00:29:09,205 --> 00:29:10,623
Wait, wait. Cold, cold.

592
00:29:10,707 --> 00:29:11,624
- Low spin.
- Low spin.

593
00:29:11,708 --> 00:29:12,876
- Go fuck yourself.
- Fantastic.

594
00:29:12,959 --> 00:29:14,794
You're like Cesar Millan
the way you establish dominance.

595
00:29:14,878 --> 00:29:17,630
- This is an entirely different situation.
- That is totally different?

596
00:29:17,714 --> 00:29:19,007
Tell me why.

597
00:29:19,090 --> 00:29:21,676
I'm not supposed to say anything
for, like, three months,

598
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,012
- but that's in a week.
- Oh.

599
00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:26,222
- That woman now carries my seed.
- Ed.

600
00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:28,600
It's a total shift
in the dominance paradigm.

601
00:29:28,683 --> 00:29:30,935
My prince is in there.
That makes her a queen.

602
00:29:31,019 --> 00:29:33,688
Are you…? Mmm…

603
00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:35,315
You barely know this girl.

604
00:29:35,398 --> 00:29:36,483
I know.

605
00:29:36,566 --> 00:29:38,234
But look at what you're dealing with.

606
00:29:38,318 --> 00:29:41,029
Maybe it's better this way, right?
Rip off the Band-Aid.

607
00:29:41,112 --> 00:29:43,448
How does it even…? Did the condom break?

608
00:29:43,531 --> 00:29:45,283
There's no condom. I do the pullout.

609
00:29:45,366 --> 00:29:47,577
- You do the pullout method?
- Yeah, our futon is fucked.

610
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:50,455
What about the pre-cum?
You don't even think about the pre-cum.

611
00:29:50,538 --> 00:29:52,332
I always thought that was
some old wives' tale.

612
00:29:52,415 --> 00:29:54,751
Yeah.
An old wife with a very large family.

613
00:29:54,834 --> 00:29:55,752
WOMAN: Hello?

614
00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:58,713
- ED: You must be the buyer from Shoppy.
- Welcome.

615
00:29:58,797 --> 00:29:59,631
Come in.

616
00:30:00,298 --> 00:30:02,801
I have to pick up my son
from preschool at 4:30.

617
00:30:03,384 --> 00:30:05,540
Great. Great. Kids are important.

618
00:30:07,865 --> 00:30:10,994
What's…? Whoa.

619
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,229
- What is this?
- (CHUCKLES)

620
00:30:14,896 --> 00:30:19,901
Uh, your mother. She buy it. For my head.

621
00:30:19,984 --> 00:30:21,277
Why don't you wear it?

622
00:30:24,322 --> 00:30:26,908
- (MOLLIE LAUGHS)
- I look like Three Stooge.

623
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:30,662
Sam loves The Three Stooges.

624
00:30:31,704 --> 00:30:34,958
Sam. How come he no ask you to marry?

625
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:38,670
Because he knows
that we're still figuring it out.

626
00:30:39,337 --> 00:30:40,421
Oh, no rush.

627
00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:43,800
Stage four. I have plenty of time.

628
00:30:43,883 --> 00:30:46,427
Uh, thank you. I needed more pressure.

629
00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:49,013
- You better adjust your thinking, Curly.
- Yeah.

630
00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:52,016
Because even if I get back together
with Sam,

631
00:30:52,100 --> 00:30:53,893
I don't think we're going to get married.

632
00:30:53,977 --> 00:30:55,311
What is this?

633
00:30:55,395 --> 00:30:56,980
- Yeah, marriage is bullshit.
- Ah!

634
00:30:57,063 --> 00:30:59,899
And weddings are an even bigger waste.
Why should I get married?

635
00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:02,151
So we can get new plates
we're afraid to eat off of?

636
00:31:02,235 --> 00:31:03,611
Bella, bella.

637
00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:06,489
Weddings are-are, uh, beautiful.

638
00:31:07,490 --> 00:31:11,411
I walk you down the aisle, people cry.

639
00:31:11,494 --> 00:31:13,162
Beautiful. Capito?

640
00:31:13,955 --> 00:31:16,541
- You want to know why I cry at weddings?
- Ah.

641
00:31:16,624 --> 00:31:19,544
- Because I feel bad for the bride.
- (CHUCKLES)

642
00:31:19,627 --> 00:31:21,588
If he asked me today, I'd say no.

643
00:31:21,671 --> 00:31:25,508
But you wrong.
And he should still ask you.

644
00:31:25,592 --> 00:31:28,219
That would require him
making a big decision on his own,

645
00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:30,722
and, trust me, that ain't happening.

646
00:31:31,556 --> 00:31:33,057
So what do you think?

647
00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:34,517
Ooh, they're great.

648
00:31:34,601 --> 00:31:37,312
- Yeah, but which do you prefer?
- I don't…

649
00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:39,606
- No, pick one.
- The one in the middle.

650
00:31:39,689 --> 00:31:41,733
- The door's already painted that color.
- Ah.

651
00:31:42,358 --> 00:31:44,068
(MOLLIE GIGGLES)

652
00:31:44,152 --> 00:31:46,112
(SAM INHALES SHARPLY)

653
00:31:47,530 --> 00:31:49,449
This way you can get whatever you want.

654
00:31:52,201 --> 00:31:55,496
- Okay.
- Okay, next time, just pick something.

655
00:31:55,580 --> 00:31:58,124
Please. Even if it's wrong, I'll love it.

656
00:31:59,292 --> 00:32:01,718
- MOLLIE: What do you think?
- Whichever is fine.

657
00:32:01,742 --> 00:32:04,042
- All right, I always pick.
- And you do an excellent job.

658
00:32:04,464 --> 00:32:07,467
It's Italian and Vietnamese.
Two very distinct choices.

659
00:32:07,550 --> 00:32:09,093
Please stop being so wishy-washy.

660
00:32:09,177 --> 00:32:12,597
I don't see you making a decision,
all right? You're just as noncommittal.

661
00:32:13,181 --> 00:32:16,726
D-D-Dad, no, back streets, back streets.
Come on. Traffic.

662
00:32:17,310 --> 00:32:19,562
(SIGHS)
The freeway's terrible this time of day.

663
00:32:19,646 --> 00:32:21,940
I told you six times, take back streets.

664
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,025
You know what I think?

665
00:32:24,859 --> 00:32:28,613
I think Samuel, he no want to take charge

666
00:32:28,696 --> 00:32:33,409
because you, you only like things
the way you like them.

667
00:32:34,285 --> 00:32:36,454
Okay, yeah. A little faster.

668
00:32:37,664 --> 00:32:39,415
No, no, slow down, slow down.

669
00:32:39,916 --> 00:32:42,168
Okay. Lean back a little. Like…

670
00:32:42,251 --> 00:32:44,128
- Like that?
- Lean back. Yeah, right there.

671
00:32:45,338 --> 00:32:46,339
No.

672
00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:50,134
(EXHALES) Okay.

673
00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:52,470
- Go. Do it.
- Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

674
00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:57,392
A dress.

675
00:32:57,976 --> 00:32:59,394
- You hate it.
- No.

676
00:32:59,477 --> 00:33:01,771
No? Look me in the eyes
and tell me you like it.

677
00:33:04,607 --> 00:33:05,858
I can always return it.

678
00:33:06,985 --> 00:33:09,445
Right there. But stay there.
Now go in a circle.

679
00:33:09,529 --> 00:33:11,906
- Like…
- No, no, counterclockwise, yes.

680
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:13,616
Okay, is that counterclockwise?

681
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:16,077
- Yeah. It's winding backwards.
- Okay, clockwise, clockwise.

682
00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:21,416
Fine. Fucking… Vietnamese.

683
00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:24,836
Really? That's a lot of mint.

684
00:33:26,045 --> 00:33:27,880
This is how you are.

685
00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:30,133
Your way or the highway.

686
00:33:30,758 --> 00:33:33,720
Yeah, and look around.
The highway is terrible.

687
00:33:34,220 --> 00:33:36,264
No, that's all right.

688
00:33:36,347 --> 00:33:40,059
- Move… They moving. Must be accident.
- (HORN HONKING)

689
00:33:43,312 --> 00:33:44,397
Mm-hmm.

690
00:33:45,273 --> 00:33:48,192
Why don't we… Here, take a seat.
We're gonna show you.

691
00:33:48,276 --> 00:33:50,361
Put that in the perfect… Okay.

692
00:33:50,445 --> 00:33:53,281
And hit your mark and look at her
and smile.

693
00:33:53,823 --> 00:33:55,742
And start talking now.

694
00:33:58,369 --> 00:34:00,121
I'm sure you've seen these before.

695
00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:05,293
The douche… was not content
to subtly announce his douche-hood.

696
00:34:05,376 --> 00:34:07,378
He wanted to scream it.

697
00:34:07,462 --> 00:34:09,422
TOGETHER: “I'm wearing a shirt!”

698
00:34:09,505 --> 00:34:12,800
SAM: But some people
don't want their shirts to shout,

699
00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:14,802
and a plain shirt is boring.

700
00:34:14,886 --> 00:34:16,554
Not these though.

701
00:34:18,306 --> 00:34:20,933
TOGETHER:
Even if you're the only one who knows it.

702
00:34:21,017 --> 00:34:23,352
And then give her the shirt. Give it.

703
00:34:33,279 --> 00:34:34,697
It's intriguing.

704
00:34:35,615 --> 00:34:36,616
Great. Thank you.

705
00:34:42,830 --> 00:34:44,415
ED: Oh…

706
00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:46,334
ED: There was ink on the chair.

707
00:34:50,963 --> 00:34:53,382
- What?
- It wasn't even about you.

708
00:34:53,466 --> 00:34:56,719
I was thinking about, like,
what time was Frasier on.

709
00:34:57,637 --> 00:34:59,430
- Frasier was on what time?
- 9:30.

710
00:34:59,514 --> 00:35:02,809
9:00 Central. We were just wondering
what time Frasier was on.

711
00:35:02,892 --> 00:35:04,102
It was a good show.

712
00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:07,021
(MONITORS BEEPING)

713
00:35:07,105 --> 00:35:08,856
MOLLIE'S DAD: Celebrity.

714
00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:10,942
They just like us.

715
00:35:11,025 --> 00:35:14,695
Only they can afford to get divorce.

716
00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:16,447
(MOLLIE CHUCKLES) Yeah.

717
00:35:17,907 --> 00:35:19,784
Relax. We just dying.

718
00:35:21,202 --> 00:35:22,537
Read something.

719
00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:23,830
I don't want to.

720
00:35:24,622 --> 00:35:26,457
Hospital magazines freak me out.

721
00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:28,918
Gloria, my daughter.

722
00:35:29,502 --> 00:35:32,797
She think she gonna catch cancer
from National Geographic.

723
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,967
- I'm getting a drink. You want something?
- Martini, three olive.

724
00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:37,301
Okay.

725
00:35:48,771 --> 00:35:51,065
(BABY CRYING)

726
00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:00,241
Mollie?

727
00:36:02,326 --> 00:36:03,911
Arik. Hi.

728
00:36:03,995 --> 00:36:05,872
Hi. How random is this?

729
00:36:05,955 --> 00:36:07,665
- It's so random.
- Come here.

730
00:36:07,748 --> 00:36:08,749
MOLLIE: Oh.

731
00:36:09,750 --> 00:36:10,585
Oh.

732
00:36:11,711 --> 00:36:14,714
Of course,
I run into you looking like shit.

733
00:36:14,797 --> 00:36:16,799
No, you look, you look… You don't…

734
00:36:16,883 --> 00:36:21,888
I've been up since 2 a.m.
Talia, my wife, just delivered.

735
00:36:23,181 --> 00:36:25,766
Congratulations, “Dad.”

736
00:36:25,850 --> 00:36:27,602
- That's me. (LAUGHS)
- (MOLLIE LAUGHS)

737
00:36:28,436 --> 00:36:30,521
- God, you're gonna be such a great dad.
- Oh?

738
00:36:30,605 --> 00:36:33,316
Yeah. You were always just so…

739
00:36:34,859 --> 00:36:37,320
Do you remember that time
we found the kitten under the truck?

740
00:36:37,403 --> 00:36:39,655
You let it sleep in the bed
even though you're allergic.

741
00:36:39,739 --> 00:36:40,781
Most guys would do that.

742
00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:43,159
Most men wouldn't even
crawl under the truck.

743
00:36:43,242 --> 00:36:44,493
(ARIK LAUGHS)

744
00:36:45,870 --> 00:36:48,539
- You'll make a good father.
- Thank you.

745
00:36:52,460 --> 00:36:54,462
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.

746
00:36:54,545 --> 00:36:58,341
How did you know, um, with Talia…

747
00:36:59,342 --> 00:37:01,677
that she was the one?

748
00:37:02,845 --> 00:37:04,347
That's a good question.

749
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:08,893
Yeah, I'm not sure you ever do.

750
00:37:12,521 --> 00:37:14,607
- I should get going.
- Yeah.

751
00:37:16,442 --> 00:37:18,945
You look great, by the way.

752
00:37:19,028 --> 00:37:21,239
Oh, no. (LAUGHS)

753
00:37:21,322 --> 00:37:22,323
No, I mean it.

754
00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:26,369
You know, you have a memory
of people from the past,

755
00:37:26,452 --> 00:37:29,080
and usually reality disappoints.

756
00:37:29,580 --> 00:37:31,624
But that's not the case.

757
00:38:00,069 --> 00:38:02,989
(GASPS) Oh! (CHUCKLES)

758
00:38:05,908 --> 00:38:07,410
Don't look at me that way.

759
00:38:09,453 --> 00:38:11,747
It's too late anyway. He has a baby.

760
00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:13,708
And a Talia.

761
00:38:15,793 --> 00:38:18,296
Dude, that's not coming out.
It's not fucking coming out.

762
00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:19,463
It's gonna come out.

763
00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:21,215
It will not come out. Ever.

764
00:38:21,299 --> 00:38:23,175
Well, we use really good ink.

765
00:38:23,759 --> 00:38:26,304
Are you sure you wouldn't be
more comfortable in a T-shirt?

766
00:38:26,387 --> 00:38:27,888
I started modeling at 14.

767
00:38:27,972 --> 00:38:29,598
You have until when-this-dries-o'clock

768
00:38:29,682 --> 00:38:32,018
to convince me
why I need to sell your shit.

769
00:38:33,936 --> 00:38:35,521
Thank you so much for… Um…

770
00:38:35,604 --> 00:38:37,273
- We feel like our designs…
- (PHONE CHIMING)

771
00:38:37,356 --> 00:38:38,482
That's so unprofessional.

772
00:38:38,566 --> 00:38:39,942
If it's important…

773
00:38:40,026 --> 00:38:41,485
(CHIMING)

774
00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:42,570
No.

775
00:38:43,070 --> 00:38:44,947
- No.
- No, it's definitely not important.

776
00:38:45,031 --> 00:38:46,032
What's important is you

777
00:38:46,115 --> 00:38:48,367
and you understanding
that the way we get our ideas…

778
00:38:48,451 --> 00:38:49,952
- (CHIMING)
- Fuck. Fuck.

779
00:38:50,036 --> 00:38:51,454
Who is it?

780
00:38:51,537 --> 00:38:53,789
It is… Ugh.

781
00:38:53,873 --> 00:38:55,958
I don't want to tell you.
It's a competing e-tailer.

782
00:38:56,042 --> 00:38:57,835
(SNORTS) We're hot right now,

783
00:38:57,918 --> 00:39:00,254
so a lot of calls are coming in on
my personal cellular device,

784
00:39:00,338 --> 00:39:01,422
but our focus is on you.

785
00:39:01,505 --> 00:39:03,632
- What's her name?
- Her name is Mollie.

786
00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:05,468
- Girlfriend.
- Oh, here we go.

787
00:39:05,551 --> 00:39:07,678
- We broke up this morning.
- Who broke up with whom?

788
00:39:07,762 --> 00:39:10,056
- Ah, it's complicated.
- She dumped him.

789
00:39:10,139 --> 00:39:11,599
- Big-time.
- Hey.

790
00:39:11,682 --> 00:39:13,351
Answer it. I don't mind.

791
00:39:13,434 --> 00:39:16,354
I'm not gonna answer the phone call.
We're here to do a pitch and…

792
00:39:16,437 --> 00:39:20,107
- (CHIMING)
- Fucking what? Oh, my God! I'm sorry.

793
00:39:20,191 --> 00:39:22,318
I'll pick up. Then we don't have to
talk about it ever again.

794
00:39:22,401 --> 00:39:24,445
Hey. Mollie? I can't talk now.

795
00:39:24,528 --> 00:39:25,988
I need you to come home.

796
00:39:26,072 --> 00:39:27,281
This is not the time.

797
00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:30,743
Shit. Of course, it's your work thing.
I'm sorry. Never mind.

798
00:39:30,826 --> 00:39:32,036
- (LINE BEEPING)
- Hello?

799
00:39:32,995 --> 00:39:33,871
Hello?

800
00:39:41,879 --> 00:39:42,880
(STAMMERS)

801
00:39:51,555 --> 00:39:53,057
We feel like our smaller design

802
00:39:53,140 --> 00:39:55,476
helps us stand out
in an overcrowded marketplace.

803
00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:57,728
- What happened?
- Over there?

804
00:39:58,229 --> 00:40:00,648
Nothing. She wanted eggs.
I'm gonna get her some eggs.

805
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:05,069
That blouse costs $1,500.
Now tell me the truth.

806
00:40:06,237 --> 00:40:09,031
It was Mollie.
She wants me to come home right now.

807
00:40:09,115 --> 00:40:11,200
But I'm not gonna come home right now.

808
00:40:11,283 --> 00:40:12,410
Do you love this woman?

809
00:40:15,746 --> 00:40:18,374
Hey. I love you.

810
00:40:20,709 --> 00:40:22,711
Hey, I love you too.
- (CHUCKLES) - Bonk.

811
00:40:28,050 --> 00:40:29,844
- Total bonk.
- (CHUCKLES)

812
00:40:32,888 --> 00:40:34,140
(CHUCKLING)

813
00:40:35,391 --> 00:40:37,017
That's a long answer.

814
00:40:37,101 --> 00:40:38,185
It shouldn't be.

815
00:40:41,313 --> 00:40:43,232
Go home. That should be your priority.

816
00:40:43,315 --> 00:40:46,152
I see what you're doing, and it's awesome,
but I'm not going home.

817
00:40:46,235 --> 00:40:49,113
I wouldn't want to be in business with
someone who didn't understand that notion.

818
00:40:49,196 --> 00:40:51,282
- Do you understand that notion, Sam?
- Yes, ma'am.

819
00:40:52,992 --> 00:40:54,869
I'll be so quick
you won't know that I'm gone.

820
00:40:54,952 --> 00:40:56,704
Preschool pickup is at 4:30.

821
00:40:56,787 --> 00:40:57,997
4:30. That's so easy.

822
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:00,124
- I am so sorry.
- Die in a fire.

823
00:41:00,207 --> 00:41:01,208
SAM: Yes.

824
00:41:03,169 --> 00:41:04,879
(LAUGHS) We-We-We feel our costs are…

825
00:41:07,882 --> 00:41:09,717
- (DRYER BUZZES)
- Oh, the whites are done.

826
00:41:11,385 --> 00:41:12,386
Mollie!

827
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:16,932
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
What the fuck is that?

828
00:41:17,725 --> 00:41:19,685
(DONNY WHINES)

829
00:41:21,896 --> 00:41:24,356
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, are you okay?
Are you all right?

830
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,942
Yeah, I came back to get
the rest of my stuff,

831
00:41:27,026 --> 00:41:29,653
and then Donny
was barking crazier than ever, and…

832
00:41:29,737 --> 00:41:33,115
- (COUGHING)
- …turns out there is a creature.

833
00:41:33,199 --> 00:41:34,742
- It's a skunk.
- Yeah.

834
00:41:34,825 --> 00:41:36,744
- It's gonna be okay, all right?
- Yeah.

835
00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:38,454
- Yeah?
- Yeah. (SNIFFLES)

836
00:41:39,288 --> 00:41:42,625
Um, I'm not crying. I'm just… It's the…

837
00:41:42,708 --> 00:41:44,543
It's the smell
that's making my eyes water.

838
00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:47,046
I know. I can feel it on my tongue.

839
00:41:47,129 --> 00:41:50,257
I googled it, and it says that we're
supposed to bathe him in tomato juice.

840
00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:53,928
But turns out the only person
who's prepared for a skunking

841
00:41:54,011 --> 00:41:55,554
is my grandma. (SNIFFS)

842
00:41:55,638 --> 00:41:56,972
- Oh.
- (DONNY WHINES)

843
00:41:57,056 --> 00:41:58,474
I think we have something.

844
00:41:59,058 --> 00:42:02,144
Aw. Yeah, that's a good boy.

845
00:42:02,228 --> 00:42:04,230
- (DONNY WHINES)
- TOGETHER: Oh.

846
00:42:04,313 --> 00:42:05,314
- Hey.
- I got him.

847
00:42:05,397 --> 00:42:06,899
- No, no.
- I got him.

848
00:42:06,982 --> 00:42:09,026
Hold still, beast.

849
00:42:09,109 --> 00:42:11,195
God. Oh, no, he's licking it.

850
00:42:11,278 --> 00:42:12,613
No, Donny, no.

851
00:42:12,696 --> 00:42:17,034
No, Donny, no. Do you have a notion
of how disgusting what you're doing is?

852
00:42:17,117 --> 00:42:19,703
I don't know. I guess that's good, right?

853
00:42:19,787 --> 00:42:20,955
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

854
00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:23,791
Should I get the vodka?
Just throw it in the tub?

855
00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:25,709
- Aaah!
- SAM: Oh!

856
00:42:29,296 --> 00:42:31,382
It'll come out. It'll come out.

857
00:42:33,425 --> 00:42:34,843
Oh!

858
00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:36,679
- Oh, it drips down.
- (LAUGHS)

859
00:42:36,762 --> 00:42:39,181
No, no. (SCREAMS)

860
00:42:39,265 --> 00:42:41,350
- (LAUGHS)
- You look like Carrie.

861
00:42:41,850 --> 00:42:44,478
What is that? That's not Carrie.
That's just a scared person.

862
00:42:44,562 --> 00:42:46,397
- Donny! Oh.
- (GRUNTS)

863
00:42:47,106 --> 00:42:49,149
(MOLLIE LAUGHS) Oh, no.

864
00:42:50,693 --> 00:42:52,027
- He's on the bed.
- Oh, no!

865
00:42:52,111 --> 00:42:53,946
He's 100 percent on the bed
going like this.

866
00:42:54,029 --> 00:42:56,615
- Tomato shit all over our fucking room.
- (LAUGHS)

867
00:43:16,385 --> 00:43:19,388
- Time's up.
- What? Oh, no, that's soaking.

868
00:43:19,471 --> 00:43:22,141
You can't wear that. You'll catch a cold
or something, freeze your tits off.

869
00:43:22,224 --> 00:43:23,642
I'm sorry, I thought you were…

870
00:43:25,644 --> 00:43:26,520
Ed?

871
00:43:27,229 --> 00:43:29,273
It's nothing. They ruined my top.

872
00:43:29,356 --> 00:43:30,899
Oh, my God. Is that Couture?

873
00:43:31,984 --> 00:43:32,985
It was.

874
00:43:33,485 --> 00:43:36,113
Oh, I'll let you get back to it.

875
00:43:38,449 --> 00:43:39,825
She seemed lovely.

876
00:43:39,908 --> 00:43:41,327
We're having a baby.

877
00:43:41,410 --> 00:43:43,412
- Yeah. Mazel tov.
- Yeah.

878
00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:46,749
Pullout?

879
00:43:47,666 --> 00:43:48,876
When I remember.

880
00:43:49,376 --> 00:43:50,252
Yeah.

881
00:43:52,755 --> 00:43:55,257
Ooh, up top.

882
00:43:55,341 --> 00:43:57,134
- Very well done today.
- Whoo!

883
00:43:57,217 --> 00:43:59,219
- Oh.
- (LAUGHS)

884
00:43:59,303 --> 00:44:01,430
Oh, my God. How do you think that ranks?

885
00:44:01,513 --> 00:44:02,598
It was very good.

886
00:44:02,681 --> 00:44:05,726
I would probably say top three.
Honestly, I gotta put it in the top three.

887
00:44:05,809 --> 00:44:07,019
Really? That's all?

888
00:44:07,102 --> 00:44:08,896
- That's all?
- What beats it?

889
00:44:08,979 --> 00:44:10,189
Montecito.

890
00:44:11,023 --> 00:44:12,358
- Yeah.
- Ah.

891
00:44:17,821 --> 00:44:19,823
Oh, my God. You're gonna love this hotel.

892
00:44:19,907 --> 00:44:22,284
- They give you your own entire casita.
- Mmm.

893
00:44:22,368 --> 00:44:24,912
Sounds like a place
that a fancy businessman would stay

894
00:44:24,995 --> 00:44:28,290
and, like, order
a very expensive escort for the evening.

895
00:44:28,374 --> 00:44:30,250
- Yes, this is the place. Yes.
- Yeah.

896
00:44:31,752 --> 00:44:32,836
Let's do it.

897
00:44:34,588 --> 00:44:36,590
You want to get a hooker?

898
00:44:36,674 --> 00:44:39,134
No, no, I want to be the hooker.

899
00:44:39,218 --> 00:44:41,553
And you're the elegantly depraved
hedge fund guy.

900
00:44:43,180 --> 00:44:43,931
Yeah?

901
00:44:44,014 --> 00:44:47,101
Good evening, prostitute. It's good…
That's stupid. Think depraved.

902
00:44:47,184 --> 00:44:49,895
I'm bad news.
I'm Walter Matthau Bad News Bears.

903
00:44:49,978 --> 00:44:50,813
Come here often?

904
00:44:50,896 --> 00:44:53,399
No, she's coming to your room.
She's never been there before.

905
00:44:53,482 --> 00:44:55,401
I've fucked women twice your size.

906
00:44:56,527 --> 00:44:57,861
No, that doesn't add up.

907
00:45:00,322 --> 00:45:02,157
Is that butthole open for business?

908
00:45:03,075 --> 00:45:05,494
Is that butthole…? Is that tokus…?
No, tushy.

909
00:45:06,954 --> 00:45:08,330
Does that tushy need a banging?

910
00:45:08,914 --> 00:45:10,582
I guess I'm a bad boy too.

911
00:45:11,500 --> 00:45:12,960
Yeah, I cheat on my taxes.

912
00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:15,045
Bet you 500 bucks I can fuck you.

913
00:45:16,505 --> 00:45:18,757
That's basically what a prostitute is.
Like a weird bet.

914
00:45:23,262 --> 00:45:24,555
Ooh!

915
00:45:38,026 --> 00:45:39,027
Thanks.

916
00:45:59,465 --> 00:46:00,299
Hi.

917
00:46:01,842 --> 00:46:03,260
Oh, gosh.

918
00:46:05,387 --> 00:46:08,599
I'm not actually a hooker. I'm just
doing this for fun with my boyfriend.

919
00:46:08,682 --> 00:46:09,600
Is that worse?

920
00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:12,436
Checking in?

921
00:46:12,519 --> 00:46:15,314
Hi. I need the key for Casita 17.

922
00:46:15,898 --> 00:46:20,235
Yes. The… gentleman
mentioned you'd be arriving.

923
00:46:20,319 --> 00:46:21,487
Jean Louis will direct you.

924
00:46:22,154 --> 00:46:23,071
Jean Lou…

925
00:46:23,822 --> 00:46:25,991
Yes. Perfect.

926
00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:47,304
The money's on the dresser.

927
00:46:49,890 --> 00:46:50,891
Enjoy.

928
00:46:54,686 --> 00:46:55,521
Count it.

929
00:46:59,942 --> 00:47:02,027
One monies, two money,

930
00:47:02,110 --> 00:47:04,446
three money, all the money.

931
00:47:05,030 --> 00:47:06,281
What do you have for me?

932
00:47:08,825 --> 00:47:10,869
That's amazing. Where did you get…?

933
00:47:11,453 --> 00:47:12,996
- Are we gonna have sex like that?
- Mm-hmm.

934
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,999
Ah. Okay, yeah. (LAUGHS) Okay, okay.

935
00:47:16,083 --> 00:47:17,125
MOLLIE: Oh!

936
00:47:17,209 --> 00:47:19,503
Yeah, it's definitely top two.

937
00:47:19,586 --> 00:47:23,382
Mmm. You know, I never got my money back,
Pretty Woman.

938
00:47:23,465 --> 00:47:25,968
Hey. I earned that shit.

939
00:47:26,051 --> 00:47:28,136
- You sure fucking did.
- (CHUCKLES)

940
00:47:32,933 --> 00:47:34,851
- Hey, Sam?
- Yeah?

941
00:47:35,519 --> 00:47:38,021
I'm sorry about this morning.

942
00:47:39,231 --> 00:47:41,149
It's just the way that my mind works.

943
00:47:41,233 --> 00:47:44,319
I wish it didn't, but it does.

944
00:47:45,487 --> 00:47:46,488
I know.

945
00:47:46,572 --> 00:47:49,658
- I just want to be happy.
- I want you to be happy.

946
00:47:50,242 --> 00:47:51,535
What are we gonna do?

947
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:54,204
I don't know.

948
00:47:55,789 --> 00:47:58,584
At a certain point,
you gotta shit or get off the pot.

949
00:47:59,876 --> 00:48:03,839
Yeah. Otherwise you get hemorrhoids,
and that's worse than anything.

950
00:48:03,922 --> 00:48:05,132
(CHUCKLES)

951
00:48:08,510 --> 00:48:10,095
How'd it go with Shoppy?

952
00:48:11,138 --> 00:48:11,972
I gotta go.

953
00:48:13,974 --> 00:48:17,477
(WHISTLING)

954
00:48:18,061 --> 00:48:19,187
(DINGS)

955
00:48:26,737 --> 00:48:29,156
(HUMMING)

956
00:48:30,365 --> 00:48:31,658
(DINGS)

957
00:48:43,795 --> 00:48:44,796
(WARBLES)

958
00:48:50,844 --> 00:48:52,346
(EXHALES)

959
00:49:01,396 --> 00:49:02,439
(DINGS)

960
00:49:09,196 --> 00:49:10,280
Oh, my…

961
00:49:11,948 --> 00:49:13,784
You just made a baby with that thing.

962
00:49:14,618 --> 00:49:15,619
Oh.

963
00:49:19,790 --> 00:49:20,957
- Hey.
- Hey.

964
00:49:21,875 --> 00:49:23,877
- Who's texting you?
- It was nothing.

965
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:26,213
Really?
'Cause it seemed like a lot of texts.

966
00:49:26,296 --> 00:49:28,757
Yeah, it's just my mom
complaining about my dad.

967
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:30,509
Believe me,
that doesn't fit into one text.

968
00:49:30,592 --> 00:49:31,551
Yet this does.

969
00:49:33,553 --> 00:49:35,347
No. Hey, Sam.

970
00:49:35,430 --> 00:49:36,682
- Don't.
- Nothing is going on.

971
00:49:36,765 --> 00:49:39,184
You liked me because I'm smart,
so don't treat me like a fucking idiot.

972
00:49:39,267 --> 00:49:41,645
I ran into him at the hospital today,
but nothing happened.

973
00:49:41,728 --> 00:49:44,272
Yet. Yet.
Because you didn't say no, did you?

974
00:49:44,356 --> 00:49:45,691
You said, “Now is not the time,”

975
00:49:45,774 --> 00:49:48,026
meaning that sometime in the future,
that would be the time.

976
00:49:48,110 --> 00:49:51,113
You're leaving the door open
so you could rebound right onto him.

977
00:49:51,196 --> 00:49:54,116
- What?
- Because with you, the door's always open.

978
00:49:54,199 --> 00:49:56,660
- You are being ridiculous.
- I'm not being ridiculous.

979
00:49:56,743 --> 00:49:58,787
Why were you looking
at my iPad in the first place?

980
00:49:58,870 --> 00:50:01,581
I wasn't. I was standing there,
and a dick fucking popped up.

981
00:50:01,665 --> 00:50:03,083
I wasn't leaving the door open.

982
00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:05,794
If I had, would you blame me?
We're not in the best place.

983
00:50:05,877 --> 00:50:07,337
Wow. All right. Bye, Moll.

984
00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:09,423
You've honestly never thought about
another ex before?

985
00:50:09,506 --> 00:50:11,133
- What was her name? Georgie?
- Georgia.

986
00:50:11,216 --> 00:50:13,844
Okay. You've never thought about
fucking Georgia?

987
00:50:13,927 --> 00:50:15,053
- No.
- Oh, come on!

988
00:50:15,137 --> 00:50:16,680
- I haven't.
- Fine, lie to yourself.

989
00:50:16,763 --> 00:50:18,515
I haven't thought about fucking her!

990
00:50:19,099 --> 00:50:20,016
Sam, the neighbors.

991
00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:23,729
Fuck, fuck the neighbors! And fuck you.

992
00:50:24,604 --> 00:50:26,523
You want to know what I think about?

993
00:50:26,606 --> 00:50:30,444
I think about how normal
my life would have been with Georgia.

994
00:50:30,527 --> 00:50:33,196
I think about a world
free of fucking Mollie Mangini

995
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,282
and her craziness and her bullshit.

996
00:50:35,365 --> 00:50:39,726
I think back to Georgia and I wish I
had the balls to stay bored, because,

997
00:50:39,751 --> 00:50:42,701
honestly, it would be a lot better
than whatever the fuck this is!

998
00:50:47,836 --> 00:50:51,089
(CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

999
00:50:51,173 --> 00:50:53,300
- (BUTTON CLICKS)
- (CHIMING)

1000
00:50:53,383 --> 00:50:55,385
SAM: Are you fucking kidding me?

1001
00:50:56,553 --> 00:50:57,763
(ENGINE STARTS)

1002
00:51:11,568 --> 00:51:12,569
(SIGHS)

1003
00:51:16,865 --> 00:51:19,659
(SAM PANTING)

1004
00:51:19,743 --> 00:51:20,744
Where's Willa?

1005
00:51:24,956 --> 00:51:26,249
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

1006
00:51:27,751 --> 00:51:30,086
Hey, Willa. Willa? I am so sorry.

1007
00:51:30,170 --> 00:51:32,255
I appreciate your passion, truly.

1008
00:51:32,339 --> 00:51:35,509
Now remove yourselves
before my son walks through those doors.

1009
00:51:35,592 --> 00:51:36,968
If you'd just let me…

1010
00:51:37,052 --> 00:51:38,929
No, I can't just.

1011
00:51:40,430 --> 00:51:42,349
Why don't you call me tomorrow.

1012
00:51:44,142 --> 00:51:46,269
Okay. Why don't we…

1013
00:51:46,353 --> 00:51:47,896
Okay. Okay.

1014
00:51:47,979 --> 00:51:49,231
Okay, okay.

1015
00:51:49,314 --> 00:51:50,982
Okay, okay.

1016
00:51:51,066 --> 00:51:53,109
You know what?
I'll give you a call tomorrow.

1017
00:51:53,193 --> 00:51:55,320
Your assistant will write it down.
You'll never call back.

1018
00:51:55,403 --> 00:51:59,241
I may not have been a model when I was 14,
but I wasn't born yesterday.

1019
00:51:59,324 --> 00:52:01,159
I know what it feels like
to get blown off.

1020
00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:04,079
So you know what, Willa? You know what?
Fuck you!

1021
00:52:04,162 --> 00:52:06,248
Oh, fuck, fuck you!

1022
00:52:06,331 --> 00:52:08,416
- Fuck it all!
- (WOMEN MURMURING)

1023
00:52:08,500 --> 00:52:12,003
Fuck you up your goddamn skirt
through your eyeballs!

1024
00:52:12,087 --> 00:52:13,046
Shut up for a second.

1025
00:52:13,129 --> 00:52:17,384
I don't want our art e-tailed
by some hipster icy princess anyway.

1026
00:52:17,467 --> 00:52:21,388
So just in your fucking eyes
and out your goddamn asshole!

1027
00:52:21,471 --> 00:52:22,556
WOMAN: Oh!

1028
00:52:25,642 --> 00:52:27,227
Didn't go well with the girl then?

1029
00:52:27,310 --> 00:52:28,854
No, it did not.

1030
00:52:28,937 --> 00:52:30,856
- You done now?
- Yeah, I'm done.

1031
00:52:30,939 --> 00:52:31,773
Good.

1032
00:52:31,857 --> 00:52:33,817
Because since I've been standing here,

1033
00:52:33,900 --> 00:52:36,653
every single one of these bitches
told me they love my shirt.

1034
00:52:36,736 --> 00:52:39,614
You might want to consider doing
a polka-dot pattern

1035
00:52:39,698 --> 00:52:41,992
where every dot
is a different little image.

1036
00:52:42,075 --> 00:52:43,368
Just a thought.

1037
00:52:44,995 --> 00:52:47,372
- So you're gonna…
- Carry your line? Yes.

1038
00:52:47,455 --> 00:52:49,291
I was going to tell you tomorrow

1039
00:52:49,374 --> 00:52:52,836
on the phone
during appropriate working hours.

1040
00:52:53,753 --> 00:52:56,840
And, uh… And the offer, does it…?
Even after I said…?

1041
00:52:56,923 --> 00:52:58,550
You're gonna be getting
a lower percentage.

1042
00:52:58,633 --> 00:53:00,719
Oh, sorry, bud.

1043
00:53:00,802 --> 00:53:01,761
You too, Pullout.

1044
00:53:01,845 --> 00:53:03,346
Oh.

1045
00:53:05,307 --> 00:53:07,434
Oh, what? (SNORTS)

1046
00:53:07,517 --> 00:53:11,479
What a weird day, right? It feels like…
(LAUGHING)

1047
00:53:11,563 --> 00:53:14,274
It's okay to laugh. You can laugh.
(SNORTS)

1048
00:53:14,357 --> 00:53:18,528
Uh, tell your kid I say “what up?”
And, um, thank you.

1049
00:53:31,750 --> 00:53:32,751
Hey, Ed?

1050
00:53:35,253 --> 00:53:38,715
- Remember what I told you about Georgia?
- Does it involve peaches?

1051
00:53:38,798 --> 00:53:40,258
No, the girl. Georgia.

1052
00:53:40,842 --> 00:53:42,636
- No.
- Exactly.

1053
00:53:43,511 --> 00:53:45,722
'Cause she never made me feel like this.

1054
00:53:45,805 --> 00:53:48,391
What…? Hey, hey, where you going?

1055
00:53:49,392 --> 00:53:50,226
Sam!

1056
00:53:50,810 --> 00:53:52,312
- Talking to me?
- Huh?

1057
00:53:52,812 --> 00:53:54,814
No, I said Sam. Is your name Sam?

1058
00:53:54,898 --> 00:53:55,815
Yes.

1059
00:53:55,899 --> 00:53:56,900
Then sorry.

1060
00:53:59,444 --> 00:54:02,572
(MAN ON RECORDING) “There are
three things that are too amazing for me,

1061
00:54:02,656 --> 00:54:04,991
four that I do not understand:

1062
00:54:05,575 --> 00:54:07,786
the way of an eagle in the sky,

1063
00:54:08,370 --> 00:54:10,163
the way of a snake on a rock”…

1064
00:54:10,246 --> 00:54:11,414
Here you go, honey.

1065
00:54:11,498 --> 00:54:13,208
- “…The way of a ship”…
- Mollie?

1066
00:54:13,291 --> 00:54:15,126
“…On the high seas…

1067
00:54:16,127 --> 00:54:18,213
and the way of a man with a young woman.”

1068
00:54:21,508 --> 00:54:23,343
Proverbs, chapter 18.

1069
00:54:28,515 --> 00:54:30,642
He's right. I'm crazy.

1070
00:54:30,725 --> 00:54:32,060
No, you're not.

1071
00:54:32,143 --> 00:54:35,105
Thank you, but you're also crazy,

1072
00:54:35,188 --> 00:54:37,732
so not a confidence booster.

1073
00:54:37,816 --> 00:54:38,942
(SIGHS)

1074
00:54:39,025 --> 00:54:42,737
What I need now is advice
from my sensible best friend.

1075
00:54:44,197 --> 00:54:46,700
- Sam.
- Yeah, Sam.

1076
00:54:47,826 --> 00:54:48,827
You love him.

1077
00:54:50,328 --> 00:54:51,663
- So?
- “So?”

1078
00:54:51,746 --> 00:54:54,416
You're just gonna lay here and let him go?

1079
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:58,712
Maybe it's possible to love somebody
and let them go. Maybe it's better?

1080
00:54:59,587 --> 00:55:02,966
Otherwise we're just gonna go through this
over and over and over again

1081
00:55:03,049 --> 00:55:06,261
and eventually we'll just end up
hating each other completely.

1082
00:55:08,054 --> 00:55:11,933
The only reason that I married your father
was so that he could stay in this country.

1083
00:55:12,017 --> 00:55:14,936
We were kids, and we liked each other.

1084
00:55:16,187 --> 00:55:18,815
But we never really loved each other.

1085
00:55:19,441 --> 00:55:22,235
Mom, you should have never married Dad.

1086
00:55:22,318 --> 00:55:25,030
And guess what. I'm not gonna make
the same mistake you did.

1087
00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:28,616
You are making exactly the same mistake,
stupid!

1088
00:55:29,909 --> 00:55:30,910
And…

1089
00:55:32,912 --> 00:55:35,623
it wasn't a mistake marrying your father.

1090
00:55:36,541 --> 00:55:37,375
Why not?

1091
00:55:39,210 --> 00:55:40,211
(CHUCKLES)

1092
00:55:41,212 --> 00:55:42,338
You.

1093
00:55:46,217 --> 00:55:48,887
What kind of mother
calls her child “stupid”?

1094
00:55:51,264 --> 00:55:52,390
My mistake

1095
00:55:53,058 --> 00:55:55,143
was not leaving your father.

1096
00:55:56,144 --> 00:55:58,146
But you and Sam love each other.

1097
00:55:58,772 --> 00:56:04,152
Don't miss out on somebody you
really love just because you're scared.

1098
00:56:04,652 --> 00:56:06,071
Because believe me,

1099
00:56:06,821 --> 00:56:08,740
the alternative is…

1100
00:56:10,533 --> 00:56:11,785
It's way worse.

1101
00:56:16,247 --> 00:56:17,457
(DONNY WHINES)

1102
00:56:17,540 --> 00:56:19,375
You. Mmm.

1103
00:56:20,376 --> 00:56:22,212
And your dog smells like shit.

1104
00:56:22,295 --> 00:56:24,881
- Oh!
- (WHINING)

1105
00:56:24,964 --> 00:56:26,966
You don't smell like shit.

1106
00:56:27,050 --> 00:56:29,344
You don't… Oh, gosh, you stink.

1107
00:56:29,427 --> 00:56:33,014
From your weather zone downtown,
I'm Hal Storm.

1108
00:56:33,098 --> 00:56:36,101
Uh, you a stupid fucking piece of shit.

1109
00:56:37,060 --> 00:56:38,353
Hey, I'm taking your truck.

1110
00:56:39,604 --> 00:56:44,109
Hey, fill 'em up with gas after.
Supreme octane, huh?

1111
00:56:44,692 --> 00:56:46,444
Why? You're dying, right?

1112
00:56:47,237 --> 00:56:49,239
Good point. Regular.

1113
00:56:49,322 --> 00:56:50,323
(CHUCKLES)

1114
00:56:55,578 --> 00:56:57,997
Why wasn't I nicer to you
before you got sick?

1115
00:56:58,498 --> 00:56:59,624
Oh.

1116
00:57:00,959 --> 00:57:03,044
Uh, I was asshole.

1117
00:57:03,128 --> 00:57:04,587
(LAUGHS)

1118
00:57:04,671 --> 00:57:07,006
Yeah. You're much better with cancer.

1119
00:57:07,090 --> 00:57:08,091
Thank you.

1120
00:57:09,217 --> 00:57:11,010
Make it, uh, supreme.

1121
00:57:27,902 --> 00:57:30,280
(PHONE CHIMING)

1122
00:57:31,281 --> 00:57:33,575
(CHIMING CONTINUES)

1123
00:57:39,164 --> 00:57:40,165
(GROANS)

1124
00:57:45,170 --> 00:57:47,547
- (SIGHS)
- (LINE RINGING)

1125
00:57:47,630 --> 00:57:53,803
(RINGTONE: BEETHOVEN'S SYMPHONY NO. 5)

1126
00:57:55,722 --> 00:57:56,973
What up, Destroyer?

1127
00:57:57,056 --> 00:57:58,600
- Is he with you?
- No.

1128
00:57:58,683 --> 00:58:00,185
He's not answering his phone.

1129
00:58:00,268 --> 00:58:02,228
Guess our boy's finally gotten some sense.

1130
00:58:02,312 --> 00:58:07,901
Ed, I'm so sorry to tell you this,
but I love our Sam. Like a lot.

1131
00:58:08,568 --> 00:58:09,777
Oh, shit.

1132
00:58:09,861 --> 00:58:10,778
- Ed…
- No.

1133
00:58:10,862 --> 00:58:11,696
No.

1134
00:58:12,530 --> 00:58:14,782
It's good. I'm glad. It's…

1135
00:58:15,617 --> 00:58:18,536
Hurry up and get pregnant, okay?
I can't do this shit alone.

1136
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:21,039
- Do you know where he is?
- He said…

1137
00:58:21,998 --> 00:58:24,292
Sorry, it feels incredibly wrong
to be helping you,

1138
00:58:24,375 --> 00:58:26,628
but I believe you truly love him,

1139
00:58:26,711 --> 00:58:28,338
so I'm just gonna power through this.

1140
00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:32,342
I don't know where he went,
but he said something about Georgia.

1141
00:58:33,426 --> 00:58:34,260
Hello?

1142
00:58:36,471 --> 00:58:37,722
- (LINE BEEPING)
- Hello?

1143
00:58:39,516 --> 00:58:41,518
- Oh, fuck it in the ass!
- (WOMAN GASPS)

1144
00:58:43,269 --> 00:58:44,562
Oh, when's it due?

1145
00:58:45,563 --> 00:58:46,397
No?

1146
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:55,281
Hello?

1147
00:59:00,411 --> 00:59:01,788
Is he here?

1148
00:59:01,871 --> 00:59:02,997
Cookies!

1149
00:59:03,081 --> 00:59:05,083
Oh, no cookies, buddy.

1150
00:59:05,959 --> 00:59:07,126
Ever since the Girl Scouts came,

1151
00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:09,170
he thinks everyone
who comes to the door has cookies.

1152
00:59:09,254 --> 00:59:10,964
MAN: George, who's there?

1153
00:59:11,047 --> 00:59:15,176
Um… I… I'm so sorry to bother you.
(CHUCKLES)

1154
00:59:15,260 --> 00:59:16,970
My-My truck broke down.

1155
00:59:17,887 --> 00:59:21,099
And my cell phone battery

1156
00:59:21,182 --> 00:59:24,269
just fell out somewhere and…

1157
00:59:24,352 --> 00:59:25,436
Come on in.

1158
00:59:27,855 --> 00:59:28,690
Really?

1159
00:59:29,649 --> 00:59:30,650
Okay.

1160
00:59:42,662 --> 00:59:44,872
Uh-huh. Okay.

1161
00:59:44,956 --> 00:59:46,958
Great. Thank you.

1162
00:59:47,458 --> 00:59:48,293
Oh.

1163
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:51,963
Okay. Well, I guess
I'll wait outside for the tow truck.

1164
00:59:52,046 --> 00:59:53,131
I know who you are.

1165
00:59:55,383 --> 00:59:57,343
- Excuse me?
- You're the next girl after me.

1166
00:59:57,427 --> 00:59:58,928
I Facebook stalked you for like a year.

1167
00:59:59,512 --> 01:00:01,014
How'd you find me, by the way?

1168
01:00:01,097 --> 01:00:02,265
akumenang.com

1169
01:00:02,849 --> 01:00:05,602
- Oh.
- It was $20. I just…

1170
01:00:05,685 --> 01:00:08,896
Let's ask Mommy
if she washed my black jeans.

1171
01:00:08,980 --> 01:00:10,940
- Because Mommy said she…
- Hi, honey.

1172
01:00:11,024 --> 01:00:12,859
- This is Mollie.
- Hi.

1173
01:00:12,942 --> 01:00:14,694
Do you remember Sam, my ex?

1174
01:00:14,777 --> 01:00:16,863
Uh, yeah, I think.

1175
01:00:16,946 --> 01:00:20,491
Mollie just broke up with him
and was sure he'd come running to me.

1176
01:00:20,575 --> 01:00:25,246
This super-hot piece of ass
was sure that her boyfriend

1177
01:00:25,830 --> 01:00:27,290
wanted this.

1178
01:00:27,373 --> 01:00:28,583
Isn't that right, Mollie?

1179
01:00:28,666 --> 01:00:30,293
Yes. Oh.

1180
01:00:30,376 --> 01:00:33,630
Well, I don't know about
the hot piece of ass part, but…

1181
01:00:34,380 --> 01:00:36,591
- He has a thing for your wife.
- That's right.

1182
01:00:37,425 --> 01:00:40,720
Does he still have that charming,
quirky deal going on?

1183
01:00:40,803 --> 01:00:42,221
Oh, yes.

1184
01:00:42,305 --> 01:00:44,057
He's like nebbish but hot.

1185
01:00:44,140 --> 01:00:45,224
Yeah.

1186
01:00:46,309 --> 01:00:51,397
Anyway, why don't we get back to
that super-important laundry dilemma.

1187
01:00:51,481 --> 01:00:53,691
Ach. You know what? It's all good.

1188
01:00:53,775 --> 01:00:55,276
Daddy's gonna wash them himself.

1189
01:00:55,777 --> 01:00:56,778
- Okay.
- Okay.

1190
01:00:56,861 --> 01:00:58,196
Love you, little man.

1191
01:00:58,279 --> 01:00:59,280
- CHILD: Bye.
- Yeah, bye. -Bye. -Bye-bye!

1192
01:01:00,448 --> 01:01:01,741
- Bye.
- HUSBAND: Nice to meet you.

1193
01:01:01,824 --> 01:01:03,242
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

1194
01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:05,370
(GEORGIA SIGHS)

1195
01:01:07,872 --> 01:01:09,540
- Awkward, huh?
- Yes.

1196
01:01:09,624 --> 01:01:10,667
- It's okay.
- I'll go.

1197
01:01:10,750 --> 01:01:11,668
- Bye.
- Bye.

1198
01:01:21,469 --> 01:01:24,180
Ooh. Hey, we should go there.

1199
01:01:24,806 --> 01:01:25,890
- SAM: That place?
- Yeah.

1200
01:01:25,973 --> 01:01:28,393
- You want to build a ham radio?
- No, I'm serious.

1201
01:01:28,476 --> 01:01:30,895
They have the stuff nobody wants
at Radio Shack, just more of it.

1202
01:01:30,978 --> 01:01:33,523
Hey. Trust me.

1203
01:01:33,606 --> 01:01:35,441
(SLURPING THROUGH STRAW)

1204
01:01:35,525 --> 01:01:37,610
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1205
01:01:37,694 --> 01:01:39,737
SAM: Oh, ho-ho-ho!

1206
01:01:39,821 --> 01:01:41,030
- SAM: That was amazing.
- Yeah.

1207
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:43,991
- I'm so happy I chose to stop here.
- Uh-huh.

1208
01:01:44,659 --> 01:01:46,828
- I'm gonna go get us another Flizzard.
- SAM: Yes, please.

1209
01:01:46,911 --> 01:01:49,247
Why are you waiting so long?
Can you please get another one?

1210
01:01:49,330 --> 01:01:51,374
And walk there in a very unique way.

1211
01:01:51,457 --> 01:01:55,461
More unique than that. (LAUGHING)

1212
01:02:06,848 --> 01:02:08,599
It doesn't taste the same.

1213
01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:10,685
What?

1214
01:02:11,769 --> 01:02:13,604
It doesn't taste the same without her.

1215
01:02:16,858 --> 01:02:18,985
Would you like to add more Reese's
for a dollar?

1216
01:02:20,987 --> 01:02:21,821
Okay.

1217
01:02:24,615 --> 01:02:25,700
Sam?

1218
01:02:26,409 --> 01:02:27,869
- (LINDSAY CHUCKLES)
- No.

1219
01:02:27,952 --> 01:02:30,246
HAO: See, Lindsay? I told you it was him.

1220
01:02:30,329 --> 01:02:32,165
- No, no.
- You were right. You get nuzzles.

1221
01:02:32,248 --> 01:02:33,166
Hurry it up.

1222
01:02:33,249 --> 01:02:35,626
- You get one, two, three…
- You got to do it faster.

1223
01:02:35,710 --> 01:02:38,337
- Is Mollie inside?
- I'm just picking up some things.

1224
01:02:38,421 --> 01:02:40,923
- HAO: Us too. (LAUGHS)
- It's good to see you. Thanks.

1225
01:02:41,007 --> 01:02:42,925
- LINDSAY: I love those.
- We're on our way to Rio Carmella.

1226
01:02:43,009 --> 01:02:44,343
- Do you know it?
- No.

1227
01:02:44,427 --> 01:02:46,345
Called “glamping.”
It's like luxury-style camping.

1228
01:02:46,429 --> 01:02:47,805
They provide everything.

1229
01:02:47,889 --> 01:02:49,766
Down comforters for sleeping bags.

1230
01:02:49,849 --> 01:02:53,269
European-style tents that are based on
European designs, of course. Amazing.

1231
01:02:53,352 --> 01:02:56,731
- It's incredibly romantic.
- I can't believe we're actually going.

1232
01:02:56,814 --> 01:02:59,066
- We should take a photo.
- You should. Good luck with that.

1233
01:02:59,150 --> 01:03:01,861
- I'll check it out on Instagram.
- It is a huge moment.

1234
01:03:01,944 --> 01:03:03,738
I'm not taking it. I'm not doing it.

1235
01:03:03,821 --> 01:03:06,657
- Can you fuck… Here we go.
- I want to be like this.

1236
01:03:06,741 --> 01:03:09,702
- Here we go. Ready?
- I think we'll do one of our classics.

1237
01:03:09,786 --> 01:03:11,204
Ready and… Whoo!

1238
01:03:11,287 --> 01:03:12,789
- Oh, no, the…
- That was…

1239
01:03:14,540 --> 01:03:16,334
- Okay. Well, all right.
- That's okay.

1240
01:03:16,876 --> 01:03:18,586
- Sorry. Sir? Hi.
- Hi.

1241
01:03:18,669 --> 01:03:21,088
- Just snap us really quick.
- Yeah, quick.

1242
01:03:21,172 --> 01:03:22,507
- Okay, and… (CLEARS THROAT)
- Yeah, okay.

1243
01:03:22,590 --> 01:03:24,592
So just… And emerge in three.

1244
01:03:24,675 --> 01:03:25,676
Two, one.

1245
01:03:29,847 --> 01:03:30,723
Hello?

1246
01:03:32,934 --> 01:03:34,143
Sam?

1247
01:03:38,231 --> 01:03:39,065
(SIGHS)

1248
01:03:44,403 --> 01:03:45,655
(SIGHS)

1249
01:03:53,788 --> 01:03:54,789
Fuck it.

1250
01:03:59,794 --> 01:04:00,628
Mmm.

1251
01:04:02,421 --> 01:04:03,506
Mmm.

1252
01:04:10,304 --> 01:04:11,848
Hmm.

1253
01:04:17,436 --> 01:04:20,565
Do you like jam? I forget.
Do you love jam or do you like jam?

1254
01:04:20,648 --> 01:04:22,817
And I think if you just try the jam.

1255
01:04:22,900 --> 01:04:24,485
That guy was romantic.

1256
01:04:34,996 --> 01:04:35,997
Oh, my…

1257
01:04:43,129 --> 01:04:44,338
Your key, sir.

1258
01:04:44,422 --> 01:04:47,258
And will your “lady friend”
be arriving shortly?

1259
01:04:48,885 --> 01:04:49,969
No, just me.

1260
01:05:12,825 --> 01:05:16,871
The creature… is you.

1261
01:05:28,007 --> 01:05:29,216
(SIGHS)

1262
01:06:10,383 --> 01:06:11,467
How you doing?

1263
01:06:12,134 --> 01:06:13,344
Okay. You?

1264
01:06:13,886 --> 01:06:15,388
Well, to be honest…

1265
01:06:17,390 --> 01:06:21,018
um, uh, tonight was kind of…
kind of shitty.

1266
01:06:21,102 --> 01:06:23,104
But things are looking up, so…

1267
01:06:23,187 --> 01:06:25,856
- Oh? Why?
- Well, I just met a beautiful woman.

1268
01:06:26,941 --> 01:06:29,652
- That redhead?
- No, I'm talking about you.

1269
01:06:30,236 --> 01:06:31,237
Oh.

1270
01:06:43,499 --> 01:06:45,001
Okay. Hi.

1271
01:06:45,626 --> 01:06:47,920
- (KEYS CLATTER ON GROUND)
- Oh, shoot. Here.

1272
01:06:48,004 --> 01:06:49,422
Here you go. Okay.

1273
01:06:49,505 --> 01:06:51,340
Come on, dude. Fuck.

1274
01:06:52,091 --> 01:06:53,718
You see those two people over there?

1275
01:06:54,969 --> 01:06:57,471
You see them? Who do you think they are?

1276
01:06:57,555 --> 01:06:59,432
- What do you mean?
- Like watch this.

1277
01:06:59,515 --> 01:07:01,684
I think he's a professional golfer, right?

1278
01:07:01,767 --> 01:07:04,228
And she's his mistress.
And he knows he's got to stop.

1279
01:07:04,311 --> 01:07:06,105
He knows
he's got to stop doing stuff with her,

1280
01:07:06,188 --> 01:07:09,025
but he keeps landing in the top ten
ever since they've been having sex,

1281
01:07:09,108 --> 01:07:12,111
so he feels like he can't get rid of her
or he's gonna start losing.

1282
01:07:12,194 --> 01:07:14,739
Okay, so who are they?
Tell me who they are.

1283
01:07:16,157 --> 01:07:17,408
Those are the Sandersons.

1284
01:07:17,491 --> 01:07:19,702
I met them at breakfast.
He's an accountant.

1285
01:07:21,871 --> 01:07:23,247
Is that for real what they are?

1286
01:07:24,457 --> 01:07:25,458
They're from Fresno.

1287
01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:31,005
Oh, thank God.

1288
01:07:33,549 --> 01:07:35,342
- I have a key.
- Ma'am…

1289
01:07:35,426 --> 01:07:36,469
- I remember the way.
- Ma'am!

1290
01:07:37,511 --> 01:07:41,515
MAN: There is a popular notion
of love at first sight.

1291
01:07:42,725 --> 01:07:45,519
“I met her and I knew.”

1292
01:07:46,812 --> 01:07:51,567
Joan and Lee first met in October of 1964.

1293
01:07:52,193 --> 01:07:55,237
He served with her brother Arnold
in the war.

1294
01:07:55,738 --> 01:07:57,823
Even then there was something special
between them.

1295
01:07:59,992 --> 01:08:00,993
(GROANS) What's wrong?

1296
01:08:04,246 --> 01:08:05,873
Do not get a massage here.

1297
01:08:05,956 --> 01:08:08,876
The spa plays Enya so loudly,

1298
01:08:08,959 --> 01:08:11,670
and my massage therapist
had these giant sandpaper hands.

1299
01:08:11,754 --> 01:08:14,548
I swear to God,
I think she fucked up my neck permanently.

1300
01:08:15,132 --> 01:08:17,343
Oh, really? I can…

1301
01:08:18,177 --> 01:08:19,178
Do you…? I can…

1302
01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:22,098
Is it, like, bad here?

1303
01:08:23,015 --> 01:08:24,892
That actually feels really good.

1304
01:08:24,975 --> 01:08:27,144
- Is that the spot? Is that too hard?
- Um…

1305
01:08:28,437 --> 01:08:31,315
You could probably get a better angle
if I was lying down.

1306
01:08:35,402 --> 01:08:38,322
Yeah. Um… Yeah.

1307
01:08:38,405 --> 01:08:40,991
After a few years, they grew apart.

1308
01:08:41,575 --> 01:08:42,910
Moved apart.

1309
01:08:42,993 --> 01:08:44,036
Marriages happened.

1310
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:46,664
Divorces happened.

1311
01:08:46,747 --> 01:08:48,290
Deaths happened.

1312
01:08:49,291 --> 01:08:52,461
It was at Arnie's funeral
that they reconnected.

1313
01:08:52,545 --> 01:08:56,048
After only 52 years, they knew.

1314
01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:57,716
- (GUESTS LAUGH)
- (LAUGHS)

1315
01:08:58,717 --> 01:09:02,263
And, Joan, do you take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband?

1316
01:09:03,139 --> 01:09:03,973
JOAN: I do.

1317
01:09:04,056 --> 01:09:04,849
And, Lee…

1318
01:09:04,932 --> 01:09:07,810
Ma'am. There's another way around.

1319
01:09:08,561 --> 01:09:09,478
Thanks.

1320
01:09:09,562 --> 01:09:11,272
I pronounce
that they are husband and wife…

1321
01:09:11,355 --> 01:09:13,149
Are you all right?

1322
01:09:13,232 --> 01:09:14,733
Yeah, I just, um…

1323
01:09:15,943 --> 01:09:17,653
We have the same anniversary.

1324
01:09:17,736 --> 01:09:19,530
(GUESTS APPLAUDING)

1325
01:09:23,284 --> 01:09:25,911
Hey, you scratch my back,
and I'll scratch yours.

1326
01:09:25,995 --> 01:09:27,872
Are these like potions?

1327
01:09:27,955 --> 01:09:29,039
(LAUGHS)

1328
01:09:41,760 --> 01:09:42,803
There's no lotion.

1329
01:09:42,887 --> 01:09:45,472
I can't find the lotion.
What does it look like?

1330
01:09:46,182 --> 01:09:47,349
WOMAN: Lotion-y.

1331
01:09:48,893 --> 01:09:50,477
Fucking lotion-y.

1332
01:10:35,397 --> 01:10:37,399
- WOMAN: Mmm.
- Sorry.

1333
01:10:37,483 --> 01:10:38,400
What?

1334
01:11:23,696 --> 01:11:25,197
How was the scone?

1335
01:11:30,411 --> 01:11:31,829
It was a little stale.

1336
01:11:32,496 --> 01:11:34,206
You know how it gets
at the end of the day.

1337
01:11:35,416 --> 01:11:37,084
But it was worth the wait.

1338
01:11:37,835 --> 01:11:39,753
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

1339
01:11:40,838 --> 01:11:43,048
- Wow, you smell like a bar.
- Okay.

1340
01:11:43,132 --> 01:11:46,385
Actually, you smell like the rubber mat
on the ground behind the bar. Why?

1341
01:11:46,468 --> 01:11:48,804
Well, you look like a young…

1342
01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:51,348
Your hair looks like Bamm-Bamm from…

1343
01:11:52,099 --> 01:11:54,685
- (LAUGHING)
- You look amazing.

1344
01:11:55,477 --> 01:11:56,770
Mmm.

1345
01:11:58,147 --> 01:11:59,231
Bonk.

1346
01:11:59,815 --> 01:12:00,816
Bonk.

1347
01:12:04,153 --> 01:12:05,279
You sure about this?

1348
01:12:06,530 --> 01:12:08,490
Nope. You?

1349
01:12:09,074 --> 01:12:10,492
No, not even close.

1350
01:12:12,077 --> 01:12:14,413
But three years is a long time.

1351
01:12:15,622 --> 01:12:18,375
If we can make it this long, who knows?

1352
01:12:18,959 --> 01:12:19,960
Nobody.

1353
01:12:20,753 --> 01:12:23,172
Nobody knows,
or else it'd just be too easy, right?

1354
01:12:24,048 --> 01:12:26,008
Stop being such a pessimist.

1355
01:12:58,540 --> 01:13:00,042
- (SIGHS)
- So last night.

1356
01:13:00,125 --> 01:13:01,418
- Mm-hmm?
- Top three?

1357
01:13:01,502 --> 01:13:03,128
Tsk. I don't know.

1358
01:13:03,212 --> 01:13:05,214
Mmm…

1359
01:13:05,297 --> 01:13:08,050
- I think we have a new leader.
- Whoa! Bold statement.

1360
01:13:08,133 --> 01:13:09,676
- That's number one?
- You don't agree?

1361
01:13:09,760 --> 01:13:11,053
I do.

1362
01:13:11,136 --> 01:13:13,055
I do, but you know what? We can do better.

1363
01:13:13,138 --> 01:13:16,433
If we hit it down once or twice a day,
we can knock it out of the park.

1364
01:13:16,517 --> 01:13:18,644
Do you think you have the stamina
to keep up with me?

1365
01:13:18,727 --> 01:13:21,021
Do I think I have the stamina
to keep up with you?

1366
01:13:21,105 --> 01:13:21,897
Whoa, whoa.

1367
01:13:23,023 --> 01:13:24,066
Mailbox.

1368
01:13:26,944 --> 01:13:27,861
Mailbox.

1369
01:13:33,575 --> 01:13:34,410
Go.

1370
01:13:35,619 --> 01:13:36,870
Open gate.