a guest Jan 20th, 2019 77 Never
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  1. Ok so in the gritty dark cyberfuture
  2. Donald Trump has built the wall
  3. the wall is real, this is important
  4. Wolverine from the X-Men has retired from being a badass superhero to be a depressed rental limo driver
  5. when an illegal mexican immigrant tries to bring him in for ONE
  6. LAST
  7. JOB
  8. Only to die at the hands of a racist superpowered ICE team
  9. who reveal their cloning lab south of the border
  10. where they are preparing to unveil their secret weapon
  11. Bootleg mexican X-Men
  12. or Mex-Men, if you wil
  13. Wolverine and Professor X have to stop and or save the Mex Men
  14. Who aren't actually called that but what the fuck else can I call them.
  15. but Prof. X has
  16. alzhimers
  17. and since he has big ol' psychic powers this causes problems
  18. Until he is killed by a bootleg version of Wolverine
  19. and Logan has to get into a mirror match against himself
  20. also X-23 is there
  21. she spends half the movie not talking
  22. until we discover she isn't the strong silent type
  23. it's just
  24. she only speaks espaniol
  25. because you know
  26. she's a Mex-Man
  27. You probably think I'm exagerrating but that's how it actually goes
  28. She spends the whole movie quiet and fidgeting
  29. Only to explode like a latin grandmother about to throw a shoe
  30. With me so far?
  31. I ain't done yet
  32. So they have to find the hidden Mex-Men
  33. So to find their location X-23 pulls out
  34. an actual X-Men comic book
  35. and reads about where the secret mutant hideout is
  36. and they just go where it says in the comic
  37. It's some serious spaceballs ass shit
  38. Anyway they stop at a motel and X-23 watches some old western
  39. with a spiel about how the good men are dead and there's no more guns in the valley
  40. then they go to the hidden location
  41. and battle the evil ICE agents along with the Mex-Men
  42. and Wolverine dies
  43. then they bury him
  44. but they don't speak english
  45. so X-23 uses the only english words she knows
  46. the cowboy monologue from the motel movie
  47. word for word
  48. over his grave
  49. Then they take the cross they built for him and turn it on the side
  50. so it's like an X
  51. For X-Men
  52. the end
  53. Also, the Mex-Men are like ten years old
  54. I didn't mention that in all the bugfuck crazy
  55. Patrick Stewart cried
  56. he refuses to play Prof. X anymore
  57. because to him mirror match wolverine was the perfect death
  58. Like could you imagine
  59. someone dying
  60. and you go to their funeral
  61. and when you get up to eulogize them
  62. out comes
  63. The fucking tragedy of Darth Plaguis
  64. same thing basically
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