Ok so in the gritty dark cyberfuture
Donald Trump has built the wall
the wall is real, this is important
Wolverine from the X-Men has retired from being a badass superhero to be a depressed rental limo driver
when an illegal mexican immigrant tries to bring him in for ONE
LAST
JOB
Only to die at the hands of a racist superpowered ICE team
who reveal their cloning lab south of the border
where they are preparing to unveil their secret weapon
Bootleg mexican X-Men
or Mex-Men, if you wil
Wolverine and Professor X have to stop and or save the Mex Men
Who aren't actually called that but what the fuck else can I call them.
but Prof. X has
alzhimers
and since he has big ol' psychic powers this causes problems
Until he is killed by a bootleg version of Wolverine
and Logan has to get into a mirror match against himself
also X-23 is there
she spends half the movie not talking
until we discover she isn't the strong silent type
it's just
she only speaks espaniol
because you know
she's a Mex-Man
You probably think I'm exagerrating but that's how it actually goes
She spends the whole movie quiet and fidgeting
Only to explode like a latin grandmother about to throw a shoe
With me so far?
I ain't done yet
So they have to find the hidden Mex-Men
So to find their location X-23 pulls out
an actual X-Men comic book
and reads about where the secret mutant hideout is
and they just go where it says in the comic
It's some serious spaceballs ass shit
Anyway they stop at a motel and X-23 watches some old western
with a spiel about how the good men are dead and there's no more guns in the valley
then they go to the hidden location
and battle the evil ICE agents along with the Mex-Men
and Wolverine dies
then they bury him
but they don't speak english
so X-23 uses the only english words she knows
the cowboy monologue from the motel movie
word for word
over his grave
Then they take the cross they built for him and turn it on the side
so it's like an X
For X-Men
the end
Also, the Mex-Men are like ten years old
I didn't mention that in all the bugfuck crazy
Patrick Stewart cried
he refuses to play Prof. X anymore
because to him mirror match wolverine was the perfect death
Like could you imagine
someone dying
and you go to their funeral
and when you get up to eulogize them
out comes
The fucking tragedy of Darth Plaguis
same thing basically