Joshikousei ni Korosaretai 12

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Chapter 12: Satsuki's memories

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Higashi: You...
Higashi: Knew everything?
Higashi: S...
Higashi: Sin...
Higashi: Since when?
Satsuki: Since the beginning...

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Everything started in 2005...
When we were still a couple.

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We were still both studying Clinical Psychology.
Satsuki: Let's drink to this long day's work!
Higashi: Cheers!
You were then a medical student at Narasawa Hospital.
Higashi: Currently...
Higashi: We have a really interesting kid among our patients.
Satsuki: Interesting in what way?
Higashi: Look...
Higashi: It's her.
Satsuki: Uh?

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Satsuki: No way!
Satsuki: The one all medias are talking about?
TV: Shichiôji Murder Case. What happened to this girl?
It was when everyone was talking about the murder that happened because of this girl.
Satsuki: How is that girl?
Higashi: Hmm...
Higashi: As ordinary as possible...
Higashi: And moreover, very cute.
That day, you didn't really want to expand on this matter.
You were then collecting all the magazine and paper articles about her in a binder.

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Satsuki: Here, a coffee.
Higashi: Thanks.
Satsuki: You're thoroughly deep in your investigations.
Satsuki: I'd love for you to do research on me too.
Higashi: Ha ha, so naughty.
I was really happy...
Satsuki: All right, let's do it...
Higashi: In the middle of the afternoon?
Satsuki: Yes, so what?
I was dreaming every day of a brilliant future at your side.

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Satsuki: What?
Satsuki: You're going to be a high-school teacher?
Satsuki: What's gotten into you suddenly?!
Higashi: Well, you know, I already have this passion for teaching.
Higashi: And... I don't know how to say, I suddenly felt this need.
But one day, it suddenly got into you to become a high-school teacher.
This abrupt change in you that I didn't see coming caused a huge anxiety in me.

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Satsuki: I know!
Satsuki: It's because you want to cheat on me with a high-school girl, is that it?
Higashi: BADUMP!
Higashi: Hey, stop!
Higashi: No!
Higashi: Let me save...
I tried to repress this anxiety as much as I could...
And to believe in you.
I tried... But...

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Satsuki: After the change of career, now you're moving?
Satsuki: What's up with you, Haruto?!
Satsuki: I need to change pace.
Overnight, I learned you were moving...
Far from my place, in the Nitaka district.
Satsuki: Oh wow...
Satsuki: What a nice studio...
Dog: Woof (x2)

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You choose a building accepting pets, so you could buy a German shepherd.
Dog: Woof... (x2)
Higashi: Ha ha!
Higashi: Stop it, John!
I was then convinced you were cheating on me.
Higashi: Zzzz (x4)

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I had a guilty conscience to do it, but I then went on to search for proofs on your mobile...
To finally find absolutely nothing suspicious.
Satsuki: An USB key?
I decided to secretly copy its content on my PC.


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It was for the most part filled with patients data and research reports.
Satsuki: Wow...
Satsuki: When he works, it's not half-assed...
That day, I must have opened hundreds of folders, in vain.
Curious, I dug in your folders again for hours, after having made visible the hidden folders in the options, to finally find a Word file named "8.8". And when opening it...
I Want To Be Killed by a High School Girl

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Satsuki: What...
Satsuki: What the hell is this...
It was a novel you wrote.

"I'm a pervert... my urges are torturing me inside.
Autassassinophilia
A paraphilia in which a person is sexually aroused by the risk of being killed.
Differs from other suicide practices.
One day, I discovered
By chance this term and this definition in a library.
Knowing there was a word and an explanation attached to my urges more than relieved me: It saved me..."

In this novel, the hero "Haruhiko", is possessed by the urge to be killed by a high-school girl.

This girl was named Mai.
"What a wonderful young girl..."

Haruhiko, clinical psychologist student in an hospital, meets an 8-years-old girl, Mai, who just committed a murder.

I was looking for certainties.
I wanted to be sure this Catherine was still living deep inside her.
My wish turned into a certainty
Inside this young girl, who progressively changed into a real beauty, was actually living a terrifying demon
I knew she would be the one to kill me...

Haruhiko also chose to become a teacher at the high-school he thought Mai would join later.

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On Mai's first year, Haruhiko resigns, gets rid of his personal belongings...
In short, this novel had the taste and flavor of a perfectly developed criminal project...
Satsuki: What the hell is this...
Satsuki: What the hell is this...
I then knew everything...
All the reasons for you to suddenly change field, move out, buy a dog... everything!

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I first was overwhelmed by a powerful feeling of disgust...
Learning that the man I loved so much was able to imagine his future that precisely, and especially such a future...
I started to cry...
And doubt several times...
To finally come to the painful conclusion...

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Higashi: What?
Higashi: But why this sudden decision, Satsuki?
Satsuki: I lost all my feelings toward you ...
Satsuki: I'm sorry.
I broke up with you.
I wanted to forget you and your novel, as fast as possible.

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And the best way to do it was to dive more thoroughly in my studies.
After obtaining my Clinical Psychologist diploma...
(On the panel, her diploma, obtained on March 20, 2007)
I found a job as a psychotherapist.
Little by little, I built my career and expanded my professional network as well.

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Nevertheless...
There was still deep inside me an emptiness I couldn't fill.
I could help daily several people rebuild their destroyed lives.
But I had literally sent packing the man I loved.
Why didn't I take the time to listen to him and tried to bring light to the darkness that was lurking in him?

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Geegle: Haruto Higashiyama (She's ego-searching him and the page is showing some search results)

Web Page: Haruto Higashiyama's good fortune: decisions according to name and first-name.
Haruto Higashiyama: You'll know everything about your good fortune! We check for free if you were born under a lucky star! You will regret a lot missing out on what we can unveil about your daily life!
Your Higashiyama name's Kanjis (162 references)

Satsuki: !
Satsuki: Haruto...
Satsuki: He now teaches at Nitaka's High-school.
Page: Nitaka's Public High-school
Page: Teachers profiles
Page: Haruto Higashiyama
Page: "Let's enjoy each day as if it was the last!"
Page: Teaching subjects: Geography - History - Physical Education
Page: Club Advisor: Nitaka Ruins Research club
Page: Hobbies: Tennis, Video Games
Page: Current obsession: Photos
Satsuki: It looks like everything is going as expected for him.

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I started to make more detailed searches on a well-known forum on the Net
Anonymous: Maho Sasaki
Anonymous: This girl is my neighbor and she's a bombshell!
Anonymous: Maho HAA HAA
Satsuki: Sasaki Maho...
I found her name for the first time that day.
I hired the services of a detective agency...
Satsuki: She's really cute...
And at last obtained information about her.

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Satsuki: She's currently in 8th grade and has excellent results, but since her mother raises her alone...
Satsuki: She will probably won't have the money to enroll elsewhere than Nitaka's Public High-school.
Satsuki: Nitaka's High-school...
Satsuki: So Haruto really wants to go through with his plan!
I once went to her middle-school to observe her.

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Satsuki: Ah...
Satsuki: Here she is!
Satsuki: She's even cuter in person...

Page 162
Satsuki: !
Satsuki: Haruto...

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I was suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of indescribable emotions.
Nostalgia... Guilt...
But the disgust I felt previously had disappeared.
It's when I decided to act to help you.

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It was during the time that absenteeism was starting to become a problem.
Chart: Absenteeism in Tokyo
Chart: Evolution
Chart Bottom: Primary School - Middle School - High School
The city of Tokyo decided to reinforce its high-schools with a higher consulting capacity for the students, by hiring more school psychologists...
Man: Do you know about the evolution of absenteeism in Tokyo's high-schools the last three years?
Satsuki: Yes.
Satsuki: During the last three years, it was stable.
And quickly, the hiring started.

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After having strongly defended my wish to be assigned to Nitaka's High-school, it was accepted.
Satsuki: Pleased to meet you, I'm doctor...
Satsuki: Satsuki Fukagawa, Clinical Psychologist.
Higashi: Uh?
You now know: I joined this high-school with the sole goal to keep you from carrying out your plan.

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Higashi: No way...
Higashi: You knew everything...
Higashi: Shit...
Higashi: Shit...

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Higashi: After having...
Higashi: Prepared everything painstakingly for years!
Higashi: What are you going to do to compensate me, uh?
Higashi: What then?
Yukio: Higashi!

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Higashi: Catherine! (x4)
Yukio: Stop!
Higashi: I beg you, appear!
Higashi: Come out!
Higashi: Catherine (x2)

Page 169
Satsuki: Stop it!
Satsuki: It's useless!
Satsuki: Catherine will never come out again!
Higashi: !
Satsuki: This girl...
Satsuki: Hasn't the strength to call on her anymore.

Page 170
Satsuki: She already...
Satsuki: Started to merge herself.