Reggie Exam

JoJo sat, mostly because Reggie nearly shoved him into a chair. "I'm sorry, but I'm not a student..."

"The exam is facedown on your desk. You'll have exactly one hour to complete it. If you fail, you don't graduate."

After JoJo stared at the test paper for several seconds, he attempted to stand. "My apologies, but I must be going. My friends may be in trouble—"

"And if you don't graduate," Reggie continued, "you die."

At that moment, JoJo's desk morphed. Compartments opened up along its underbelly and from them shot strange objects attacked to long and lithe cords that coiled tight around his ankles. Another seized his neck like a noose from behind and tightened just before the point of choking. What were these, chains? No, much different, more like... cords. He pulled at them (Baby Dio laughed at his misfortune), but they were unbelievably sturdy. He reached for his lightsaber, only to realize he had lost it the same time he lost his pants.

"Don't bother," said Reggie. "Nintendo peripherals lead the industry in customer satisfaction. You'll never break them."

Peripherals? What exactly were these things that bound him? Attached to the end of the cords were oddly-shaped blocks of plastic, adorned with what looked like handles, buttons, and sticks. He lacked the luxury to puzzle it out, for soon a problem much worse than simple imprisonment presented itself.

A panel on the ceiling slid open. From it lowered something circular and shiny. Its edges were not smooth, but serrated, and it span at blistering speed: A buzzsaw, slowly descending toward his head.

- Voeltz Finals