Thread 23: Stories 1-15

Thread 23 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/17939772
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>Applejack
"Spike"
'Arana'
________

>Well, looks like mah day jus' took a turn fer the better! Spike, what brings ya to mah office, hm? ...An' why d'ya look like somepony done stole yer' secret stash of diamonds?

"Hm? Oh, it's nothing, just... this day, ya know? It's been dreary and, uh... the clouds are all gray. And stuff."

>...Boy, Ah oughta go upside yer' head fer tellin’ such a blatant lie to the Element of Honesty. Ah’ll have ya know that Ah can spot a lie at a distance of fifty miles! So why don’cha jus’ come clean and say that Twilight’s the reason yer’ so glum?

“Was it… am I that obvious?”

>Loverboy, there ain’t a thing that happens to ya that Ah don’t know about. Believe me when Ah say that. An’ it ain’t easy to miss how ya been stressin’ over her fer the past few days. Why, if'n Ah didn’t know the real reason behind it, Ah might be a touch jealous….

This coerced a weary grin from the dragon, as she hoped it would.

“Just a touch?”

>Hmph, got me dead t’ rights. Gotta protect what’s mine after all, even if that means throwin’ yer scaly hide to the floor and showin’ ya what’s what. But that’s neither here nor there-

“Yet.”

Now it was Applejacks turn to smile, though her hers came with a hint of sadness.

>Spike… Ah know how much ya care for Twi’. Ah love her to death… an’ that’s how Ah know things’ll work out right in the end. She’s jus’… on a little journey right now, explorin’ new frontiers in fashion apparently. She’ll be back, though. Jus’ needs a bit o’ time to sort herself out, mhm.

There was something odd about the way Spike suddenly began to drum his claws against her desk as he listened to the element of honesty tell a boldfaced lie. He knew she was lying, and he knew she knew she was, too. Which is why the both of them could only smile at one another.

Until her face flushed a light cerise when he picked up one of her hooves and brought it to his face.


>U-um… what’re y’all…?

“Loverboy just thinks applebutt is a mighty soft little pony….”

The blush deepened but Applejack made no move to take back her hoof, rather enjoying the way he gently rubbed it against his cheek. And yet something was still off….

>Spike?

“Yeah?”

>Ah can feel yer heartbeat right now.

“…”

>An’ it’s mighty dang sporadic. Ruinin’ the moment ain’t really mah intention but neither is lettin’ ya think Ah’m dumb to yer feelin’s. What else is there…?

“I… can’t say.”

Her eyes grew slitted.

“But what I can say without a shred of doubt is that I’ll bring back the Twilight we love most really soon. You just have to trust me. You trust me right?”

The inquisitive look in her eyes softened and she leaned forward almost to the point where their noses touched.

>With mah life, sugarcube.

‘Awwwwwww!’

“…um… how long has Arana been up there in the corner like that?”

>Since before ya walked in, sugar. See the hats on mah head? Every so often she’ll drop one on me and then dive for the corner like it’s gonna explode. When it doesn’t, she usually gets depressed and Ah feel so bad Ah tell her to try again, that the next one will work.

‘Oh it will! This one right here’s gonna be a doozy!’

>Ah’m sure it will, Ara’.

“…why is that so cute?”

>Ah’m wonderin’ the same thing.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twilight
“Celestia”
[???]
{???}
~~~~~

>Oh my goooooosh! This hoofies are to diiiiieee fooooorrrr!

“Put the socks down or I will hurt you worse than Cadence did.”

>Omigooosh what a B WORD, Amiright!? Just, SO not cool sisterIL, going for the nose like that. We're girls! We don't fight!

“You deserved it.”

>Nu uhhh! I was just trying to get Shiny some extra booty! Yeah, he's married, but stallions got needs Celly-belly-of-jelly! And she just is not delivering!

“I want to throw up.”

>You know how it would go if Caddy wasn't such a tighty?

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

[La la la laaa! Everything is amaaaazing! Everything, is pretty! Don't you agree little birdy? You too little squirrel!]

SLAM!

[Oh my! Shining Armor! Whatever a surprise! I was just tidying up your office, it seemed so messy!]

{My fair Queen Chrysalis, doth thou now why I stand before thee?}

[Why, Shining Armor! You're so... enraptured!]

{Tis' true! My fair maiden of a bride has seen the truth of the matter!}

[The truth? Whatever do you mean? I am so confused!]

{Mine needs must be met! I give out a call unto you, a call, of BOOTY!}

[*GASP* Shining Armor! You mean-]

{Yes! Mine loins have an ache that must be met, and at last have been freed to find one to sooth that ache! Come hither, beauty of black and chitin, and lay with me as lovers!}

[But Shining Armor! I am so unsure and uncertain! Your masculinity is too much for me to bare!]

{Neigh, mine maiden of green fire, I shall be as tender to you as the softest of nests are to an egg.}

[Mine knight so strong! I shall trust thee to take me! But be gentle, for I am so frail and unsteady on these hooves in your presence.]

{Then let that steadiness fall with thine own cloth and inhibitions! Lay thine head upon the ground, and I shall have you.}

[Upon the ground?]

{Yea, in the ways of old, I shall make good on mine promise so true to wreck dat ass.}

[Oh! Shining Armor! Take me, and learn me in the ways I am so very benighted!]

{Thine face be down, thou's plot raised up, my beloved dear, I am about to ru

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

“MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE! No more old timey talk and horrible costumes!”

>...How... how did you see...

“... Look, a magazine!”

>WHERE!?... No, where, I don't see it... Celestia?... Celeeestia?... I thought it was realistic.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>32
"Rarity"
~~

>Well, this is new.

"Hush, I have need of knowledge from you."

>Oh ho! The marshmallow has teeth, how cute.

"Fine, nevermind."

>Heh, do you really think I believe you won't turn around? You'll clearly... eventually... you're going to turn around. You wouldn't come down here if... if you didn't... WAIT!

"WHAT!?"

>...Uh...

"Ready to talk?"

>...I may have slightly misjudged your character.

"Good. Now, at the moment my friend is having a bit of a mental breakdown-"

>I've heard.

"Then I will cut straight to the point. How is your mind magic?"

>I will have you know I am extremely capable as an infiltrator. We are specifically bred for such a thing, after all.

"Excellent. 42 said she already tried, and she could not affect her in any fashion."

>Oh, what a surprise, the soldier with the head of rocks is incapable of manipulating the mind. Whoever could have guessed!

"Good. So long as you are sufficiently better than 18, we should be able to-"

>Excuse me?

"18. 18 said she tried as well, but it was like hammering against a solid wall."

>Ah...

"..."

>...Well, I will have you know I am much more... much more capable than..

"..."

>...I can't even say that with a straight face. Perhaps if my time down below hadn't affected me so, I could be her equal, but I have quite... quite the assortment of demons in there now. Demons that if I were to call upon them, would only lead to pain.

"I'm sorry? Is 18 particularly good at mind magics?"

>Of course. She was one of the rare non-seduction based infiltrators, those rely entirely on mind control for the most part. Why, if Shining Armor hadn't already built up a wall thanks to his time with the idiot, she would likely have had him zombified and at her command. She likely only was sent after him because Chrysalis is, as we've established, completely moronic and didn't understand WHY she was her top infiltrator. In fact, the only one who could be better than her is ...Oh my.

"What?

>Mmm... Nope.

"Nope!?"

>Nope. I will help you no further.

"WHY NOT!?"

>Because, dear Rarity, I've heard the rumors. Lots and lots of rumors. I was questioning their validity, but now I've confirmed it.

"Confirmed what?"

>Chrysalis will not help her.

"..."

>...Ahaha.... ahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Ohhhh! This is too sweet! Too sweet! The grand Queen Chrysalis, Bitch of the Ages is letting dear Twilight Sparkle rot in a wall of her own delusions, knowing full well it is well within her power to, at the very least, put her on the track towards recovery! But free she walks, oblivious to the stares of hated and malice that follow her oversized black ass. Oh, I wonder how much longer she will last? When will the bubble pop, and that shrill annoying laugh becomes a dinner bell to pounce and beat the idiocy out of her, leaving naught but a stain left on the floor! I will not help you, Rarity, because I want to smell her BURN, and if this keeps up... I will.

"...Well, that's unfortunate."

>...That's unfortunate? That's really all you take away from this?

"Yes, for all your talk I was sure you at the very least thought yourself better than Chrysalis. What a shame, you're just as pathetic and selfish as she is."

Flippantly, she lowered her head, and a single spark came from her horn, flittering over and sinking into the Changeling.

>You... you know love magic?

“The most very basic, thanks to Cadence, I doubt it was enough to even fill you up.”

>No, of course not, but... why?

“I came here for information, I got it. Good day, 32.”

>...Princess?

She paused, briefly stopping her trek to the door leading outside.

>...When she dies, will you come tell me? I wish to celebrate.

A lady did not scowl.

But she'll be damned if she didn't frown angrily, just a bit more, and stomp off.

Ignorant to the smile that spread across the Changeling's face.

>I'll start cutting the confetti.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>56
“Applejack”
_______

The sun was dropping on another day in Equestria and a lone Changeling watched it go with never-ending awe.

>It’s so cool how sunbooty makes it go uuuuup and then back dooooown.

A very tired, very worn and sleepy Applejack snorted from her bed, half snuggled and ready to drift off.

“Nnnh….”

>How does she do it, tho’?

“Ffffng.”

>Yeah, you’re probably right. But doesn’t that take time?

“Snnnrk….”

>Practice does make perfect, yeah… Can she do both? The sun and the moon?

“Grrrrnk, fweeeee…. grrrrrrnk, fweeee….”

>Woooooow, that’s cool. Celly’s cool. Not as cool as Moons, tho’.

When the moon had risen in all it’s glory, 56 sported a great before leaving the windowsill to trot over to Applejack. He climbed onto the bed, nuzzling his face against the warmth of her exposed rump with a sigh of satisfaction.

>Niiiiight, orangebutt.

“Mnnngh… n-night, ya dang *yawn* pervert….”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Pinkie"
'Sombra'
~~~~~

"Soooo~ Then little Pinkie she found a way, to up and heroically save the day, little Pinkie found the truth you see, and the truth you know it is that Pinkie is me, OOOOOHHHH~"

>The fact you can keep going and going without breathing makes me feel things. Frightened things.

'At least you can put something in your ears.'

"Well, that's enough singing for one day!... Oh! Lets do some more relationship development stuff."

>Hey, that sounds cool. Ask away.

"Uhhh... Ah! If Cadence heroically sacrificed herself in some big battle, and her last words to you were 'I want you to move on and remarry', who would you pick?"

>...

'...Wow, I have never seen anyone gawk that horrified at someone before. You can feel the deathly stare just bubbling off of him.'

"Shiny? You okay?"

>...

"...Wanna save that one for later?"

>...

"Okay! Let's see... oh! Favorite ice cream!"

>...N... Napoleon. Because it reminds me of Cadence's hair.

"Aww, you're sweet! I see why everyone likes you!"

>Thanks. Yours?

"I could never pick just one! I love every ice cream! You, Sombra?"

'It has been far too long an age between when I last tasted anything upon my tongue and now to gauge that.'

"Cheater!"

>...

'...'

"...The correct answer was Celestia, by the by. You should have said Celestia. Not knocking the others, but 42's too stuttery, 18 seems like she'd lose her mind, and Chrysalis comes off as too clingy. Celestia would be an awesome wife!"

>...

'...You two are quite affectionate.'

"See? Somby gets it!"

>I'm not having this conversation anymore.

"Fiiine... Chitania would be a pretty cool wife too. Could get stuff up on the high shelf no problem, and she'd probably be really eager in bed."

'You'd have to worry about the domestic abuse, though.'

"Oof, you're right. Do NOT want to walk in on Chitty drunk off her kilter and screaming as Shiny at two AM."

>See, this is why we never hang out.
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>Suckerpunch
"41"

>I hate this, I hate this so much.

"Hey chump ready to get your ass-..."

>Do not.

"Pfff..."

>Do. Not.

"Snrrrrrrrrk..."

>I will end you.

"WHY ARE YOU FUCKING PINK!? AHAHAHAHAHA!"

Suckerpunch, clad in hot pink armor, bows his head in shame.

>An assignment by the Princesses while they search for a way to change Princess Sparkle back. Let's just say, being tasked to guard her chambers is now very much the short end of the stick.

"YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING SISSY!"

>Then what's that make you, lady I've drawn with about eighty times?

"..."

>Ha!

"Yeah well you're still pink, I'm still all kinds of classy in black, nature obviously favors my race."

>At least mine numbers over three digits.

"Ohhh...low blow, jackass."

>Besides, everyone knows black is the color of try-hards and wannabes.

"You wanna take this outside, motherfucker!?"

>Yes, I do, but perhaps you should check where I am.

41 blinks and looks in the door that Suckerpunch is standing next to.

"...wow, so Purplebutt's yammerin' on in there while reading some Filly Beat, huh?"

>Yes. I can't go anywhere, or I'll be AWOL...is that the term? I'm pretty sure that's the term that applies here.

"So...you can't leave?"

>No.

41 scrunches up her face in thought, then shrugs and takes up a position on the opposite side of the door.

>...what are you doing?

"What? I got nothing to do today."

>Seriously?

"Kicking your ass is a fulltime job, and I wanna be on the ball once this shit is over with."

>Gee, thanks.

"Don't mention it."

>Sarcasm.

"Don't care."

>...

"...what?"

>You know...we're in the same position...

"Yeah?"

>We should probably match.

"Hahaha, no."

>You want me to get the Princess' opinion on it?

"No no, fine, you want pink, here's some pink."

In a flash of flame, an almost fluorescent pink mare was standing next to him, a sardonic look on her face.

"...I totally pull this off better than you."

>Just shut up and guard.

"'Kay."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Applespike date: night of the second day to the morning of the third day
~~~
That night, in Applejack’s room, she shared her bed with Spike.

“Spike? You still up?”

“You too, huh?”

“Heh, so what’s keepin’ ya up? Still bothered by what’s happened wit’ Twiligh’?”

“Nah… Sort of the opposite. I… I don’t want to sleep because I really want to enjoy every bit of this date vacation I can. It’s helped so much and reminded me why we have to keep pushing forward with what we do, why I first picked up Charity and why, someday, I want to put her down for good.”

“Ah know what’cha mean…”

“But, then there’s the flipside… Where, all these memories just… Overwhelm me, fill me with such happiness I just wanna join Twilight, you know? I mean give up and just spend the rest of my life in this sleepy town, work in the library or even on your family’s farm.”

“It seems temptin’, don’ it? We could elope together, have a dozen kids, grow old even by alicorn an’ dragon standards… Watch the world burn away ‘round us, we wouldn’ enjoy that, but at least we’d be happy.”

“And together.” Spike’s hand stroked one of Applejack’s forelegs and the two fell into silence.

ENTIRELY NON CANON ENDING, PG 13

Absolutely non-canon
~~~
It seemed like they were quiet for hours until Applejack shifted. “Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Could ya’ll please… Turn an’ face me?”

“Sure thing.” Spike complied and was immediately smothered with a long, wet, sloppy and unskilled, but genuinely loving kiss he soon returned. When air demanded they break, they stared into one another’s eyes through the darkness.

“AJ?” Spike asked slightly breathless as his hands stroked through Applejack’s coat. “...Can we?”

Applejack smiled and nodded. “Ah’m sorry, Spike, Ah really want this too. After this, Ah won’ hold ya to me but-”

Spike silenced her with a claw to her lips. “It’s okay.”

They were clumsy, awkward, and even painful at times, their inexperience despite their exposure to this world plain as day. Each tried so hard to please the other, sometimes it worked, many times it didn’t. But what kept them going and always had them wanting more from eachother was an uncertain, but genuine and unbridled passion as two hearts yielded to a mutual desire.

By the end, they were exhausted, sweaty, bruised in some places, scratched up in others, weak, and ended up on the cold and hard floor. But for both of them, they were happy, warm, and safe with one another.

“I love you.”

“Ah love ya too, Spike.

Alternate and slightly more canon (friendly) scenario!
~~~
Applejack hovers over Spike, who whole body trembling as she prepares to mount him. Her eyes shift between herself and her target, and with a steeling breath, she prepares to end her and Spike's virginity.

And that's when the bar of soap slammed into both of the their mouths, in applejack's case, with enough force to knock her off of Spike and send her tumbling to the ground.

"Pwah! Blegh! Ugh! ... Well that killed that mood."

"Ugh... Yeah... That an' mah new concussion..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NON CANON

>Chitania
"Kenpachi"
'Yachiru
~~~
>Argh... Dammit, I'm fuckin' lost again.

"you too, huh?"

>I hate to say this, but know anyone who knows directions?

'I do! Ken-chan! Bug-chan! We need to go thataway!'

The towering shinigami looks to Chitania and shrugs

"She hasn't steered me wrong yet."

>Eh, what have I got to lose?

>So... Shinigami means 'death god' doesn't it?'

"Not really gods. In fact, one of our own went crazy when he realized this and is trying to become a god."

>Hmmmm... How close is he?

"He can bullshit his way out of anything."

Later...

[When did you fall under the illusion that you were punching- OH GOD! SHE IS PUNCHING ME! IT HURTS!]

>Hahahaha! Puny god!

(well shit, she just resolved this story arc in only one chapter...)

-Don't worry, Ichigo, we'll bullshit a way to pad this out for another ten thousand pages.-

The Heart
~~~
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>2
"Arana"
'Mane-iac'
~~~~~

>Okay, now, tha' rules are simple here. We're gonna' play this one by tha' book! Totally fair! No cheek smoochies, no scrachy rubbies and NO goin' after 56. That last 'uns not really a cheat, he'll just hug yer' booty right back and never let go.

"So why didn't we invite him?"

>I said he had ta' hug more than jus' mare booties and he threw water in my face and walked off. Cause ya' can't just hug the booty! Ya' gotta mix it up and hug it all!

'BRRRRRIIIILLLLAINT! PRINCESS OF MALLEY! Together, we shall GRASP the world tightly with our appendages, and SQUEEZE them until all of their glorious hugness is OURSMWAHAAHAHAHHAAHHA!'

>See? She gets it. Now, any questions?

"Can I throw some attempts to melt their skin off in there?"

'Does that not normally end with your hugee ENRAPTURED and SPLITTING WITH GLEEEEEE!?'

"They laugh a lot, yes."

>Mmmm.... I'll allow it, BUT no countin' smiles made by ticklin' towards the final score! If they're gonna smile it's cause yer' the best dang hugger in the world, gosh love it!

"Fair enough."

>Now ladies, once I start the watch, we get out there, and we's gots.... how long does this go for?

"I just got up here, I barely have any concept of day or night yet."

'AND I HAVE NO NEED TO TELL TIME! All time for me... IS VILLAIN TIME! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!'

>...We'll just go till the big hand makes it all the way back to the top. Good?

"Okay!"

'AS YOU WISHAHAHAHAH!'

>Okay, so... is this... OH COOKIE BATTER! It's on already! HUG HUG HUG!

"TO THE HUGS!"

'NONE SHALL ESCAPE MY GRASP!'

>YAAAAAAYYYYYY!

And then everyone died of heart explosions.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-canon to an earlier non-canon.

>AJ56
“AB”
‘SB’
[Scoots]
_________

>Oh sweet Celestia… is this… is this the holy grail from my dreams, conjured up in the physical realm? Are the scriptures comin’ true? Right here, right now?

The holy grail 56 spoke of happened to be the raised plots of the CMC, all of which were quivering and pointed directly at him as he entered the room.

>W-which do I go for first? Delicious apples, soft marshmallow, or crispy chick-

[“‘WAAAAAAAAH!’”]

>NNNGH! Too tight! Too tight! Squeezin’ too tight!

“56, it’s gonna git us!”

‘There w-were so many of them! On the ceiling even! HOW DO YOU BACKWARDS CRABWALK?’

[I told you girls it was stupid to go down there! But noooo, no one ever listens to the smart one!]

“Smart mah flank, Y’ALL were the one gunnin’ fer’ an adventure! Thrill seeker!”

[So were you guys!]

‘I just wanted to try out becoming the Cutie Mark Knitters! Now I’m cursed forever!’

>Much as I like bein’ squeezed by the ladies, can you guys let me get a lung of air, please? …Theeeere we go, whew! Now, what’s all this about again? Why’re y’all shakin’ and such?

‘Well, Cluckaloo here-’

[Do NOT call me that!]

‘-was all “muh need for exploring!” and I was like “but muh knits” and she came back with “buck ya knits, les’ explore!” and then Applebloom remembered this one corridor that no one goes down because “muh feerz” and I knew it was a dumb idea, I did, but two against one and peer pressure took the day and we went down there and then… th-then…’

“We saw ‘em! One of ‘em almost grabbed mah tail but Cluckaloo snatched me outta the way in time!”

[It wasn’t intentional, trust me. You just got caught up in the slipstream from how fast I was running.]

“Well thanks fer’ nothin’!”

[Still saved you!]

>What’re you guys goin’ on about? Corridor, muh feerz, what?

‘You mean you don’t know about the fifth corridor?’

“How can y’all NOT know?”

[And to think I was this close to letting you snuggle my butt!]

>Well, I- wait, huh? Scoots, what did you-

[Moving on! The fifth corridor is the spookiest place in all of Equestria! And I, being the awesome soon-to-be best flier in all the world, was courageous enough to go down there!]

“Brave? Puh-leeease! Y’all were cluckin’ so hard Ah thought we’d entered a chicken coop!”

[Better than using Sweetie as a shield!]

‘Yeah, what was up with that, AB? I thought we were girls!’

“We are girls! Least Ah stayed by ya instead of peelin’ off down the hall like that chicken over there!”

[LIES!]

>So this corridor… this corridor number five… what makes it so horrifyin’?

“There’re ghosts!”

‘Evil spirits without rest!’

[I saw skeletons walking!]

>…’kay. And so whatta they want? Why can’t they rest?

‘Right, because we totally stopped to ask while they were chasing us!’

“We dunno!”

>You don’t know… meanin’ it’s open-ended, eh? No one knows the reason why they’re there….

The three fillies exchanged glances with one another when 56 began to smile, wickedly at that.

>So in other words, girls… looks like we’ve got a mystery on our hooves!

And from out of nowhere he produced a deerstalkers cap. Before putting it on, he reached inside to pull out a corncob pipe that he jammed between his lips.

‘No.’

>Yes.

“Nuh-uh.”

>Yuh-huh.

[No way.]

>Yes way. My funny talkin’ cousin’s already got the nice ghosts taken care of, but these right here sound like the angry kind, the demented kind! We gotta figure out their rage and lay ‘em to rest!

‘Is that before or after they lay US to rest?’

>If we’re good enough, before. Think about it! I can be the great Sherlock Colt and you three, you guys can be my Watsons! This’ll be a good chance for all of us to bond and unravel the mysteries of the de-

[“‘NOPE!’”]

56 was nearly trampled when all three fillies stamped by and out the room, leaving him flat on his back with stars in his eyes. But he still grinned as he blew a bubble from his pipe.

>I say, we’re off to a right good start, what what!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Dash
"Rarity"
~~~~

>No.

"But darling, it's the perfect boost for morale! Currently the Wonderbolt's reputation has been sullied by scandal, what better way to bring out a fresh start than with a redesign to the costumes!"

>We are not coloring everyone 'Majestic pink'.

"I am flexible on the coloring!"

>How flexible?

"I once outwhined a pack of diamond dogs."

>Rar, we're not switching up the costumes.

"But how else are we to move beyond the horrors of our past, if not with a shining example of the future?"

>...

"...I'm just going to come back later."

>I'm still going to say no.

"We shall see how long you last... we shall see..."

>...

"...But I thought you waaaaanted aweeeeesome!"

>OUT!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-canon
>DT
~~~~
At a Psychiatric Hospital, DT walks up to a clear door.
>Hey mom...how are you?
The mare on the other side looks at her. She doesn't seem to recognize her, but smiles nonetheless.
>I...I brought you a mother's day present. I know it's late and my friend made it really, but I brought it.

The mare blows a raspberry
"Pfffffffffttttt"

>Heh...you....you always know how to make me laugh *sniff*.
She puts her hoof to the glass

>...H-Happy Mother's day.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Fluttershy
"2"
'Students'
~~~~~

>Now class, today I'm here to talk to you all about-

"HI MISS FLUTTERSHY!"

>...Hi, Two.

'Oh come on!'

'Is there anyone important you DON'T know!?'

"I don't hang out with Auntie Luna all that much."

'Is she actually your aunt?'

"She's Caddy's aunt. So... she's... whatever auntie that makes her to me."

'Great Aunt?'

"She is pretty great!"

'I thought you said you don't hang out much?'

"So?"

'...Got me there.'

>Anyway, as I was saying, your teacher wanted you to get an inside look into how Equestria maintains it's wildlife preserves, which I am currently in charge of.

'You and that other guy, right?'

>...Discord is not allowed new school children after the last time he turned their desks into power armor and let them fight it out to teach math.

'ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?'

'BRING HIM BRING HIM!'

>No.

'AWWWW!'

>Now, how this works is... Yes, Two?

"Um... yer' chalkboard is on fire."

>Oh, Discord! You know better than to... wait a minute, this isn't Discord, my counter magic isn't working!

"Don't break it Mrs Fluttershy! We jus' got a new one! Out old one got smashed."

'NO REGRETS!'

>...Where... where did you get this chalkboard from?

'Box is over there.'

>...Ponyville... ah... Children?

'Y-yeah?'

>We are moving on from economics and geography, and onto a new subject.

"Which'un?"

*SCREEEEECH!*

>...Biology. GET SOME!
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Non-canon
>discord
"Fluttershy"
~~~
>butterguy, do you see the target?

"Discord, it's Fluttershy, and yes, I have the target in sight-"

>Better take the shot! She's getting away!

"I'm trying to concentra-"

>You're gonna miss it! She's getting away and you're gonna miss it-

"THERE! I TOOK THE BLOODY SHOT! SHE'S DEAD! THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!"

>Oh, you are just a treat!
~~~
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>Discord
"Students"
~~~~~

>Now remember children! You have to make sure when attempting to block a direct force that the pounds per square inch are evenly distributed across the area you are using for a block, and that it's forward motion is not greater than or equal to the total pounds per square inch limit of the surface of the area used to block.

"Yes Professor Discord!"

>Also remember that all forward motion is affected by outside stimuli like gravity and air resistance, so take that into account when triangulating the forward path of any rocket, and be sure to keep all wings steady and aerodynamic, beacaaaaaauuuuseee...

"Because any chance into the wind resistance on the wings, however minor, will affect the ending landing position for any shots exceeding ten feet in length, and will have to be accounted for and recalculated for every foot that exceeds that length if it is not perfectly dynamic!"

>Very good! You get the laser sword!

"AWESOME!"

>But remember! Excess heat coming off of that will cause expansion of your mechs metal arms, thereby reducing it's tensile strength enough that it needs to be re-calculated for any and all pounds-per-sqare-inch equations!

"I'll remember, professor!"

>I don't know why teachers complain all the time, this is fun!
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