Night Vale After Dark

The French call the orgasm, 'the little death' in their language. There are reasons for this, reasons that lie far beyond our plane of understanding, and dance upon the edge of the outer realms in their truths.

Welcome, to Night Vale.*spooky instrumental background music*

Happy Halloween, Night Vale! It's only the first day and I'm already flooded with excitement! I hope you have your city-mandated pumpkins out, all fifty of them. All of them marked with the traditional runes and pentagrams. Don't be afraid to get creative though: carve a few cats or faces on them! Make them look nice before their ritualistic destruction in November. The gods will thank you for your creativity.

If you do not have your city-mandated pumpkins out…well, to keep from being consumed by the Hounds of Tindalos, you must make a conjugal sacrifice to Hades. If you cannot have sex in your local graveyard, he will also accept the sacrifice in your local Halloween themed store.

However, he will not, I repeat: not, accept the orgasmic offering if it is done in the Halloween section at Ralphs. We all know what happened to Mr. Suitsworth last year. They say you can still smell the viscera when you go past the plastic dancing skeleton display.

Good luck!

And now, the news.

Local musician, M. Palmer, has discovered a black hole in the unisex latrines of the local Whole Foods. Now, this might seem like a normal occurrence. Merely a glory hole with a small covering over it to hide it from authority figures. This is what M. thought too, until, while waiting for something to emerge forth seeking gratification, she was sucked in instead. No need to worry though, she emerged safe and sound from the glory hole booth at the Passion Pit sex shop a few hours later. According to one of the cashiers, she was nude and coated in a pale purple, cum-like substance, with a dazed smile. When asked if she was alright, she merely said "The Old Gods enjoy the flesh of mortals, and pay well.". She then bought a copy of 'Punk Sluts Go Sapphic' and went home. The Sheriff's Secret Police are currently investigating the black hole, and will provide updates as given.

And now, a word from our sponsor.

Today's sponsor is Sephora. Sephora has a new line of Crimson Dream skin care products, just in time for Halloween, and they'll leave your skin absolutely silky smooth. Smooth as the skin of your first love back in high school. You remember them, yes? Their enormous, warm *static* eyes, their soft *static* hair? How can you not remember them? You're supposed to always remember your first time, remember how their body moved against yours, how they told you that you were their one and only, the way you moved inside them until you both couldn't help but cum?  The nights spent tangled up in your sheets until they went to work at that old makeup factory, the closed one where Sephora now stands. They liked it when you bit them, bit until they bled. Their blood was bitter and warm on your tongue.You think and think and think, trying to grasp onto long faded memories and bring them back! But no memories come, and neither do you.But as you raise the container to your face so you can wipe free the marks of shame and sorrow, a bit of the cream accidentally touches your mouth and you lick it away before you can think.It tastes bitter and warm on your tongue.

Sephora: 'Memory is a moth, about to burn away on the lightbulb of beauty.'

*pause*

An update on the 'Blory Hole' situation. Intern Senna came up with the name for it just before I sent her out to look things over at Whole Foods. In the meantime, it appears a few other black hole glory holes have opened across town. According to reports, there appears to be one at Shriektronics, three at the Antiques Mall, and one at the local barber shop. The strange thing is, they only appear to be consuming the willing.

'Lemon', the manager at Shriektronics, was heard saying "I've had ten customers go into those holes and then not come out! Ten! They're coming in just to be eaten! This is a business place, not a fetish house for void consumption! That's next door!" He then waved away our interviewer and returned to his sandwich of lemon wedges, wheat bread, and scream-proof insulation.

And now, the comm-Oh! Hello Intern Senna! I honestly didn't expect you to return. Most of my interns don't. I was just about to do the community calendar. There's a very interesting Halloween event going on at City Hall, with a blood pinata and-…Senna? What's going on with your eyes? They look so…hungry. *with growing arousal* So very hungry. Why don't you undress and we can handle that hunger. *stopping, then clearing your throat* Listeners, I'll be gone for a moment. Let's just go to the Weather.

*choose something either in the public domain or the Creative Commons. There's plenty of horror themed songs on the Free Music Archive, just make sure to give proper credit!*

*audibly fucking yourself as you speak, with all of the stuttering, pauses, swearing, and dirty talk that may come. Go forth and improv, but make sure to hold off cumming for a bit.* Welcome back, listeners! Good news about the black holes! All those that have been taken in have returned, and have returned lusty. According them, the Halloween Gods have blessed us with sex, and we apparently shall all be blessed under the blackened planet above! Now listeners, I don’t usually give into these pursuits, but everyone must give into their animalistic side once in a while. And this is the perfect time, sharing love in the face of horror and growing darkness.

With this, fuck, I must say goodnight! In a town filled with lust and burrowed in the cold breast of autumn, our bodies coming together in a rush of comfort and the passed equinox, I say-*orgasm here, then come down*

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.

*more spooky instrumental background music*

Today's Proverb: There once was a man from Nantucket, whose cock was so long that no person could have sex with him without feeling pain. Pity this man and learn from his sorrow.